dance of the moon

The waxing and waning of the moon is a brilliant representation of our lives and how it is impacted by the forces that make us who we are. I'm referring to the life force and the soul. These concepts are called the Ka and the Ba in ancient Egyptian metaphysical thinking. The Ka is what animates creation in the physical plane. It is surging red blood that courses through the veins of animals. It is the strength of the powerful bull; this power manifesting in humans as the destructive alpha male. It is also food stuff which sustains us. 

Ka as food offering

To further explain the Ka, I use the concept of a ghost. A life force that sticks around in the material plane after physical death is a ghost. The Ba, the immortal soul, needs the life force in order to be on this journey of becoming. It is a double-edged sword where you need the Ka; however, it also beats up your soul until you master it.

These two different ideas are in the Old Testament as well; however, both are misleadingly translated as soul. They are the Hebrew words nephesh and ruach. The nephesh is the life force and the ruach is the immortal soul. The nephesh is granted by the Lord, YHVH, and is represented roaming the earth in such figures as Cain, Ishmael, Esau, the Pharaoh etc., while the ruach is the domain of the spirits called the Elohim and represented by Abel, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses etc. In the New Testament Jesus played the role of the immortal soul and comes up against Herod the Great, Pontius Pilate, the Jews, and Satan, who are all representing the antagonist of the soul in some degree; the antagonist being the life force.

The moon in its monthly cycle disappears for three days into what seems to be material incarnation or the "waters" prior to reappearing in the night sky. During this time, the light of the moon grows in stature until it is complete as the full moon. It becomes a brilliant transfigured beacon illuminating the darkness of matter. This is wisdom personified as Thoth in ancient Egypt. 

Thoth with Lunar disk

The "Eye of Horus" representing the waxing crescent as the soul, was damaged by the life force, the red beast Set, but is restored by Thoth with the help of other gods and goddesses. 

Eye of Horus

An important lesson taught here is that being able to see does not involve only sight but it needs the experience taught by wisdom. From this point, the moon's monthly cycle continues to perpetually teach with the dismembering once again into fourteen pieces by the beast within us. The vampiric beast needs to feed to satiate its Ka and causes the fall of the moon once again into matter. However, in this lunar cyclical journey of cleansing, the moon as the dismembered soul, Osiris in ancient Egypt, becomes stronger and rises again.

hello, is there anybody in there?

It seems to me that as a culture group we, the west, were totally unprepared to deal with the explosion of psychedelia in the '60's. This despite the fact our ancestors were masters at exploration of these realms. So successful was the methodical persecution, by organized religion and their agents, of these devices to deliver altered states of consciousness that collectively the whole rediscovery experience was akin to discovering a new toy. Without proper guidance, whether that be a priest, shaman, or a respected wise elder, the use of these substances devolved into a mess of societal discord and unfathomable horrors for the ill prepared. As much as the establishment will continually try to suppress and stamp out these modalities of consciousness exploration, this adventurous spirit within us is ingrained and the flame will never be snuffed out. 

Shaman's altar

Just as we inexorably march towards exploration of the vast physical realms of outer space so to will we push to go back into the neglected regions of our psyche, known to the ancients as the netherworld.

good vibrations

As my first ayahuasca ceremony was coming to an end, I recall being told over and over again by the Goddess that all is vibration. In order to traverse different planes of consciousness the soul changes its frequency and then enters into a different realm; a higher or lower plane. The first experience with this psychic traveling was a sensation of being lifted higher up. My index finger tapped uncontrollably at times against the wooden floor of the Maloca and I also physically felt a sensation of re-entering into my body at one point which made me nauseous. Up until then I was able to resist the purgative effects of the ayahuasca brew; however, upon re-entry after my first trip I had to use the vomit bucket.

Subsequently, while back at home in my mundane existence, I have experienced two episodes of a mystical nature which were preceded by an uncontrollable vibration in my arms and a fluttering of my closed eyes. The first episode occurred in a lucid dreamlike state where I was fully aware I was dreaming but just went with it. I started seeing visual hallucinations of geometrical patterns appearing in my vision which increased in speed until there was a climax that exploded into a great white light. This occurred after about a month and a half after returning from the Amazon jungle where I first had altered my frequency. The second episode occurred about two and a half months after returning. I had been informed that the effects of ayahuasca may remain in my system for a few months and I have been cognizant of her presence. This next mystical experience occurred while I was meditating. I had been burning incense that night, a mixture of frankincense and myrrh and at first had spent a great deal of time enchanted by the smoke coming from the incense stick. The smoke had this magical pull to it; it danced and twirled; it had this amazing depth to it; and it would come towards me to caress me while performing its undulating rhythms which were movements so graceful that the fragrant smoke came alive. The ever changing nature of this delightful spectacle was a message straight to my subconscious. I eventually settled back and tried to quiet my mind. At some point when your mind becomes still it is almost like a switch that goes off and you enter into another realm. As I traversed this realm of consciousness, I was seeing scenes that seemed real though I was just observing. My mind then sensed a vibration which manifested as purple and I repeated this in my head, breaking the stillness of my mind. My right arm started to vibrate followed by my eyes fluttering. An explosion of indigo burst into my vision with this wild undulating dark hair in the background accompanying it. I got chills all throughout my body as this lasted for about thirty seconds. I innately knew the vibration was the Goddess. As this journey ended, I picked myself up out of my chair and breathed in some of the still smouldering incense. That moment felt so good and I felt so reassured. As well to this day, about three months after returning from the jungle, I still have a level of hearing that has been greatly enhanced. I am hypersensitive to bodily noises such as heavy breathing, sighing, throat clearing, coughing, and sniffling. In part, the heightened senses make me cognizant of our sometimes disgusting and profane existence here on earth. This effect however does not occur with my own bodily functions. I do notice that anything that has a reverberation or echoing quality to it is also greatly enhanced. I believe it is my awareness of different frequencies that has led to this condition.

I mention the above stories because it has led me to think hard about vibration and frequency. My contact and entering into different realms of consciousness is accompanied by vibration. Everything that is alive has a frequency. Existence can be properly thought of as a verb. All is vibration and of the same source. A noun is a classification that helps us make sense of our surroundings. It is a base point in an ever changing environment but its existence is seriously in doubt. We come into being, grow and change, and then when we stop growing, and our cells stop regenerating and dividing, we die. In ancient Egypt the symbol of the becoming is the scarab.

Kheper

The beetle is symbolizing the journey in this mundane existence to the east in order to be re-born at dawn out of matter, much like the nightly cyclical journey of the sun. It is the path our souls long to take if we can avoid the trappings of the world and reconcile with our material incarnation. In the Old Testament this becoming is called hayah in Hebrew. Hayah is a word used to describe the sojourning of the patriarchs who are great archetypes of the soul. In Exodus 3:14 the Elohim say to Moses, in response to Moses asking who should he tell the Israelites sent him, that I AM sent you. I AM is from hayah. It is this principle of coming into being that is providing the impetus for the soul's journey. Look around you at everything that is alive and forever changing. Nouns are dead things; an invitation to decay. The snake in ancient Egypt called Apep (Apophis in Greek) wants to stop Re's sun boat because that will put an end to creation and thus the change. Re has to go so far as to enlist the help of the strong and beastly Set to keep this encroaching serpent at bay. 

Set battles Apep on Re's sun boat

Set is more commonly known in ancient Egypt mythology as an impediment to the journey of the re- born soul, the light mythicized as Horus. The fighting between these two entities goes on for generations and the tale is told in the great story of The Contendings of Horus and Set. Set is the masculine life force needed by the soul in this material incarnation which enables the soul to continue on in the journey. When you understand this you can then see this story not only encoded in biblical scripture but is frankly the tale being told in the Pentateuch. The life force comes forth as the beastly red man and antagonist who is Cain, Ishmael, Esau, the profane Canaanites, Pharaoh etc., while the soul on the journey into and out of matter is Abel, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, the Israelites etc. The brothers fight, yet they do reconcile, and all are marching ahead to the east.

So, if everything living is vibrating and gives off a frequency signature then our senses are in reality specialized instruments which can pick up on these vibrations. My eyes perceive a flower but cannot smell it; that is a function dutifully performed by the nose. But what about something like a musical note? It has a frequency and I can hear it but I can't see or smell it; but I think I should be able to. D-minor should have a distinctive smell and a colour assigned to it. It does generate a feeling of sadness. All things that stop vibrating and die take on a putrid, rotting smell, are sonically inactive, and look terrible! Is it a limitation of my senses that I can't smell a musical note; in essence it is out of the frequency range of that sense? Or are objects tagged with an expression, a mystical hashtag#, that only allows for us to experience it in a controlled way? Aldous Huxley touched on this in "The Doors of Perception" when he claimed that there exists within us a filter that prevents us from being overloaded by our senses and allows us to function in this realm:

“each person is at each moment capable of remembering all that has ever happened to him and perceiving everything that is happening everywhere in the universe. The function of the brain and nervous system is to protect us from being overwhelmed and confused by this mass of largely useless and irrelevant knowledge, by shutting out most of what we should otherwise perceive or remember at any moment, and leaving only that very small and special selection which is likely to be practically useful. According to such a theory, each one of us is potentially Mind at Large”.

It seems this filter is such a reducing logic construct that divides and classifies. A functioning nouning tendency for survival. How we love to classify things and put them into a neat little box! It is psychoactive substances that seem to release us from this restriction and we can see music, we can smell beauty, and we can hear the sounds of the spheres.

the goddess and the flower

There is an unrecognized intelligence that is inherent in plants that we treat as pre programmed biological happenings. They are quite brilliant and I see the parallels to the Goddess and how she seduces. Female behaviour in humans mimics this behaviour to a degree. I remember during my first ayahuasca ceremony coming to the realization that the jungle is the goddess and this is a metaphor for her beauty, her providing nature, and her terrifying side. In particular I have been thinking of how flowers seduce. They are the fruit of the plant that is stunningly intricate and beautiful and they give off an intoxicating scent. They compete for and attract the bee, the moth, and other insects that are inherently drawn to them. Once their purpose has been fulfilled, the plant's flower withers and falls away leaving just the plant and its root that has succeeded in reproducing and becoming abundant. Speaking in a broad sense, the same process is at work in women. Beauty, seduction, and fragrance combine to bewitch the male and make him chase this flower. Once the male succeeds in getting the object of his desire and deflowers it they then are faced with the choice of sticking around or moving on. It is one of those early lessons and paths where the male then chooses the road they wish to follow.

The shaman is at essence, an agent of these plants.

Funny how our western mind treats it as superstition when really it is a spiritual knowledge that far exceeds our faintest notions.

ayahuasca - soul journey: part 3 reconciliation

As my ayahuasca journey here in the Amazon jungle rolled into its 5th day, Friday, I was feeling better and mentally ready to participate in another ceremony tonight. The terror and impact of the second ceremony was still with me but through writing, talking, and going on a hike in the jungle with two others who had positive experiences in the second ceremony after dreadful experiences in the first ceremony, my mind was in a much better state. My paranoia had subsided and I continued to drink the cleansing tea, ajos sacha. This tea also heightens brain functions and for someone like me whose brain is always redlining maybe I should go easy on it.

At the flower bath tonight before the ceremony the shaman explained that part of the healing process is sometimes running from your fears and then allowing the medicine to do its work. In hindsight, I have realized that these ceremonies are only the beginning; the work continues after you leave and you get down to processing all you have gone through and learned. The setting of the jungle heightens the effects and power of these incredible ceremonies but the comforts of home and its familiarity allow you to gradually come to terms with all that has happened. The shaman explained that the medicine will stay with you for a couple months and also he explained it is important to gradually re-integrate yourself back into your normal diet and lay off spicy food, alcohol, and pork for a while after you leave the center.

As with the first two ceremonies, the third ceremony was not what I was expecting. Overall, it was a positive experience though a little bizarre at times. Once again, I got into a dialogue and conversed more with an entity rather than have visions. For this ceremony the shaman reduced my cup of ayahuasca back down to half a cup. With two ceremonies behind me, half a cup was all I needed tonight to enter into an altered state. The taste, texture, and ability to stomach it gets worse with each ceremony and I now find it kind of disgusting. After about twenty minutes I had connected and was hallucinating. There were two new participants from Europe for the ceremony. One of them wore a speedo to the flower bath and made grunting sounds like a bull. I was convinced he was the manifestation of an ancient Egyptian bull who personified the concept of kamutef, the son who mates with the mother goddess. My hallucinations started again with being transported into different rooms. I wonder if these are the stages of getting to a certain place in the journey. Eventually, I entered into a dialog with an entity that was male. Now that I have processed the experience I know this entity was my shadow self; however, at the time this entity presented itself as a creator god much like the Lord of the Bible. It was a good ruse to trick me this night however his bizarre proclamations did not hold up upon reflection once I got home and figured out what happened in this ceremony. This get together started off negative but didn’t feel sinister so I wasn’t scared. It was stressed that if I don’t follow the proper path then I will be driven crazy enough to become one of those people who walk in front of a speeding train in order to end it all and then inconvenience all the passengers on the train. So, I thought to myself: Oh, that’s what happens to some people. They come into contact with some entity and get driven off the edge and end it all. And everyone wonders what happened? At this point, I wasn’t aware that I should really connect this dialogue to events of the second ceremony and I thought I was talking to a different entity. However, it did eventually become obvious it was my dark side now using the events of the previous night to try and plant suggestions in my head in a more subdued manner. This line of negative thinking did not last long as I was told if I followed my assigned path and didn’t stray, everything would work out. I would see my children be successful and I would live to be a wise old man and get to die in my sleep. Alright, I thought to myself, I can do that.

It was at this point this entity said he was the Lord. My shadow self was taking things from my thoughts and things I’m interested in, and using them to construct a web to get me to continue doing things that were beneficial to the shadow side of me that I wished to control and harness. Behaviours that I knew I should really stop, and my intention was to stop them, I was told to continue. I was puzzled by this but did not question it. I have an interest in reading the bible, but not for the usual reasons. I have an interest in figuring out its hidden esoteric meaning so that interest was being co-opted by my dark side. Like I said before, I did not realize this until a few weeks after the ceremony. So, I will detail some of the revelations I was given; some are bizarre and some I will leave out because they are, shall I say, uncomfortable.

He told me he loves money and is the god of money. Wealth enlarges his power and he can use this to rule the universe. All nations worship money and thus are dependent on his graces. He doesn’t like drug cartels because they keep all their money and don’t pay taxes to governments that then are dependent on him. The war on drugs is a war on people who don’t pay taxes. He told me I will be alright as long as I honoured him by giving to him what is rightfully his. As well, those who go on evangelizing about Christianity do so because at a point in their lives they needed a favour from him and then once granted they were obligated to go around expressing how great he and Jesus are and they have to try to convert as many as they can over to his side as payment. Then I was told to not eat pork. The shaman had said not to eat it for thirty days afterwards and now this entity I was conversing with was enlisting the prohibition against pork from the Old Testament. I asked why? It is because of the parasites in pig meat. There’s the one that can kill you that we have to destroy before eating or you get trichinosis. However, there are many more due to the garbage pigs eat and these allow demons and other entities to enter you. If that happens then the Lord has to cleanse you and start over. And he will be angry. He showed me how he manifested in ancient Egypt as the sun god and was resident in the Pharaoh with the mother goddess as his queen. He showed me all the gold the Egyptians had and the connection to the pyramids. He explained the eye on the US dollar over the pyramid is him watching us making sure he is not cheated. The saying “In God We Trust” works one way. He does not trust us and is keeping an eye on us. I was then told to get another dog. It will be okay to form another great attachment to it because I will be good for it. It is something I have been thinking about so once again something from my subconscious was brought up to the surface. I was then told my time here at the center was up and I shouldn’t stay. I would just be a burden and there wasn’t anything more I needed to know. That was the greatest trick of all pulled off by my dark side on this night. It eventually made me angry and has contributed to growing mentally much stronger because of this experience.

An interesting part of this conversation was this entity trying to put the Goddess in a negative light and through this portrayal I was able to gather some interesting insights that I gleaned on my own. In order to satisfy the Goddess he said he needs wealth. This in turn allows him to curry favour with the Goddess as this Goddess is needed by all; everyone needs the Goddess to birth themselves into and out of different states and planes of existence but we all chase her beauty and the fleeting charms it entails. However, this need is relentless and it makes the world go around. The political west needs to generate this wealth to keep the way of life they are accustomed to. Now at this point in my reflection on what happened during these ceremonies, I know enough to discount what went on in this conversation with this entity in ceremony three. The advantage I have over my dark side is though that side of me can deceive and be a trickster of sorts they can’t pull it off in the long run. He mostly runs on instinct and desire. I’m surprised because he must of known I’d figure it out in due time. I imagine my shadow self used everything at his disposal to protect what he has. However, this part of the conversation has given me pause for thought. I started thinking of how society really does operate and no one really would have more insight on the process then the part of me that is especially attuned to desire. I’m talking about the idea of the goddess and how she affects humankind as a whole. The beautiful goddess who all men desire and all women aspire to is really an animating principle of our civilization. She is a dominant reason we want to acquire wealth and power and as males it then allows us to be the alpha male and mate with the goddess of our choice. This love of the beauty and charms of the goddess is fleeting and not true love. The impurity sends us to either our destruction if we chase it or an empty fleeting accomplishment that we are then doomed to repeat over and over in successive conquests. As much as it affects the psyche of the male in our society, look at how it affects our daughters and consequently women who grow up in this environment. Women chase the idea they need to be the goddess and lose themselves in the process. They spend inordinate amounts of time and money on their physical looks trying to attract a man who exudes power and wealth. They paint their faces because the goddess does. They practice the ancient art of seduction that is the domain of the goddess. If this wasn’t important they wouldn’t do it. Women are not attracted to physical beauty like men are but are attracted to men who can control their environment. These are vices and are forms of love that are not true love. This choice is the Goddess teaching us a lesson using the two sides of her personality: the illusory beauty that leads to your destruction and the motherhood love, that unselfish love, the unconditional love you find in bonds of family, that is the true love to find and lead you to wisdom and understanding. All the great goddesses of mythology have these two sides and the lesson is a painful one for us all to go through. As I was processing this in my head, I started thinking of other civilizations that deny the goddess. It is true we try to deny her and our main religion Christianity, with its half-assed monotheism, denies her but through our actions we reveal our dedication to the idea of transient beauty and power and then we have the obvious Catholic veneration of Mary to satisfy these inner longings and they try to acquire as many adherents as possible with the veneration of the Mother of God. However, I was also thinking of Muslim societies and the great lengths they go through to prevent the influence and veneration of the goddess. They veil their women and subjugate them to second class status. Is this what this religion is all about: the denial of the goddess? The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. The answer they have for avoiding the trap is to cover her and put her out of view. However, if you don’t face her and come to terms with her symbolism, how are you ever going to learn what is true love and what is fleeting? Perhaps they already understand and want successive generations to be free of the illusion and see women only in terms of motherhood?

The ceremony ended and I was no longer in contact with this entity. This night was a full moon and when I got up to go the washroom magical things started to happen. I sat down on the toilet and looked out back at the maloca and it turned into a gleaming, jewel encrusted pyramid that lit up. It was amazing. I felt the presence again of the Goddess and a feeling of contented bliss. I know now this is just a chapter in my awakening. Walking back to the maloca, I noticed that everything on the east side of the path looked so shiny and the plants were very 3D extruded. On the west side it was dull and the regular visual mundaneness. I wonder if those are the two paths? The east that leads to your re-birth or the west that leads to the profane that I want to leave behind? I then heard the call of the Goddess that I knew instinctively. It was a short, piercing whoop sound. I had heard it before but could not place it. Later, I figured out it is a sound I can make on my flute. At this point in time, I was in that state of bliss and had a warm afterglow feeling. I had a lot of positive energy flowing through me. I stayed in the maloca for the night feeling safe and secure.

I decided in the night that I should leave after having been told during the ceremony by the entity I was conversing with that I had nothing more to learn. In the morning I packed up my belongings and said my goodbyes. The shaman gave us a ride back to town and it was my intention to try and change my flight and go home. By the time we arrived back in Iquitos it was too late to change my flight plans so I got a hotel room for the night and was able to change my flight to leave Sunday night. I couldn’t sleep that night in the hotel room as my fear and paranoia starting creeping back into my mind. I started hearing audio hallucinations and was afraid to go to sleep. This continued for about three more days. I would hear my name still being whispered like what happened in ceremony two. Snapping my fingers would make it stop. On Sunday, I ventured out into the town and something really odd happened which accelerated my paranoia. I was sitting on a bench when this guy came into my view with a big smile on his face. He asked where I was from. Once I told him, he said “nice to meet you Paul.” It took every ounce of saneness I had left to not melt into some sort of psychosis. Later at the airport, I entered the washroom alone and again heard my name being whispered. It was very unnerving and I felt the need to get out of this city as it was freaking me out. As I waited for my departure, I suddenly realized my sense of hearing had become very sharp and I had super hearing. I could hear conversations far into the distance. It was remarkable. And then I realized certain frequencies were amplified, especially low bass, breathing, and body noise frequencies. I ascertained that these are the sounds you hear most during ceremonies along with the shaman’s singing, rattling, and the bell he rings. To this day, four weeks later my hearing is back to normal but I am still sensitive to those frequencies. From this, I was able to rationalize what I heard were amplified frequencies and I was audibly processing them into sounds which had been imprinted on me during ceremony. So, I was able to stay sane. I returned home and started re-adjusting, though the rest of the week was physically a write-off. I could not sleep the first night back but slept the second night, despite waking up in a cold sweat. The effects of regular sleep immensely helped as I was able to calm my mind and then start processing the whole experience. Upon returning home, I felt there was no way I would ever drink ayahuasca again; however, after a couple weeks I had warmed up to the idea and I’m at the point now where I am no longer scared and would welcome the chance to do this experience again. However, it has become apparent to me that the ceremonies are bridges to the healing and insight you will discover long after the ceremonies have ended. There is no way you can possibly process what you have gone through in the jungle in a short time. Ayahuasca is a constant learning and understanding experience.

My perception of the jungle is it is the Goddess and her two sides. She is both healing and terrifying. It is the same thing with ayahuasca. It is medicine that heals and also that terrifies you. A good time recreational drug it is not. The ayahuasca experience I went through turned out to be unexpected for the most part. My intentions were met: meeting the Goddess and confronting my dark side; however, the overall result at first left me confused. Maybe that is how it is supposed to be? The answers exist. I know some of the answers. I can find more of them inside myself and I believe I was shown the way to do this soul searching. It is the beginning of the next chapter in my life.

ayahuasca - soul journey: part 2 hell and not back

The night before the second ceremony I had a decent night sleep, probably the best sleep I was able to manage in the jungle. I woke up in the darkness for a few hours but I was able to nod off again. The jungle is all about the sounds rather than the visuals. This heightened awareness is especially true at nighttime. It is a symphony of exotic noises ever punctuated by that damn mockingbird. I don’t know what kind of bird it is but it is laughing at me.

Yesterday was a day to recover. I needed it because I couldn’t sleep after the first ceremony. I didn’t sleep during the day but just rested. I listened to some music and wrote but didn’t feel like reading. The afternoon came and I suffered through a terrible headache before I relented and took an Advil. Today I feel good and was able to read for a bit after breakfast.

Tonight I will meet the Goddess again as promised. I’m torn between having expectations for tonight or just letting it happen. For some reason I have an expectation things will be similar but I know from reading other’s accounts that this is not so. You will be presented with different visions. Maybe the first session was Ayahuasca 101? I will enter tonight’s ceremony with some trepidation and much reverence. I told the shaman I was courageous and I want to be courageous again tonight. The respite between ceremonies has emboldened me.

We just finished the flower ceremony. I spoke with the shaman earlier and asked about the difference between the two cups of Ayahuasca I was given in the first ceremony. He said the first was a small dose to see how you do with it; like an introduction. The second was the powerful brew. This makes sense as the second cup set me off on a rocket ship right away. The shaman also said to not have any expectations for tonight as you never know what ayahuasca will bring. I’m sure I will have plenty to write about regardless.

Well it has been almost 24 hours since yesterday’s ceremony began. I couldn’t bring myself to write about it all day as it was such a negative experience. To hell and not back would be a good name for it. The euphoria of the first experience was replaced by hopelessness. There is something to be said for gut instinct. During the first ceremony my mind was trying to tell me it was okay not to do this again like it had an idea that it is not always pleasant. I now have the luxury of hindsight and have processed this experience to a degree but I will try to faithfully first document what I felt right after the conclusion of the ceremony.

I received a full cup of ayahuasca to begin with and the consistency seemed different than the first ceremony. Don’t know if it was coincidental or we graduated to the next level or potency of the brew. After twenty minutes or so I started hallucinating and I was seeing these green and black flys eyes pulsating and surrounding and coming at me. Eventually, they came really close to me and went through me. Other stuff was entering into me as well but I did not find it unnerving and I did not fight it. The scene then shifted to this weird room; I feel like describing it as some sort of opium den, and there was an odd drone sound in it. It didn’t feel right; it felt sinister and it stayed. To my left I then heard a male voice in a loud whisper repeating Paulo, Paulo, Paulo. This freaked me out like I have never been frightened in my life. I sat up, opened my eyes, and became paranoid. I thought I had this whole game figured out at that point. You are lured into the jungle away from civilization and any kind of help and then you are drugged. You are now at the mercy of the shaman. Fuck I thought, I have to get out of here. I remembered this from somewhere. Was it a dream? A short story? I don’t know but my mind is telling me this is all too familiar. I grabbed my flashlight and water bottle and made a beeline for the exit. José followed, trying to help me. I would have none of it. I staggered into the compound and started looking for my hut and trying to figure out how I was going to leave this place. It is the dark of night, I’m in a terrible state, and I can’t leave. José and his helpers try to point me in the right direction but I’ll have none of that. I felt they were steering me wrong and were going to lock me up somewhere. I sat down on the steps of some hut. I came to the realization they had already taken my stuff, money, credit cards, and passport. If I leave the center I can’t get anywhere. A sinking feeling comes over me as I realize my predicament and I puke all over the stairs to this hut that is not mine and then I try to get into this hut. I must have been sitting there for quite a while and lost track of time because the guy staying at that hut shows up and says “whoa buddy this isn’t your place. I’ll show you yours.” I still try to get into his place and I think he is a dupe that helps you out but really leads you to where they want you to go. I’m led to another hut which I know is not mine. I sit on its steps for a while and then I go inside. I don’t know where I am but I really have to go the washroom. The bathroom door is locked. I can’t hold it any longer and I crap myself. I come to realize this is my life now. I’m going to be a servant for some puppet master here and I’m basically a worthless piece of garbage. I crawl into the bed that is there which has no blanket or pillow. The mosquito netting envelops me. I realize they give you mosquito netting so as a slave you don’t get sick with a tropical disease and can continue to live in misery. I think maybe I can cut a deal and get back home like nothing happened. My life will slowly unravel and I’ll be at the mercy of the drug. Plus they can control me as I realize I’ve been setup for this for a long time. It is all clear. My wife is in on it; my friends I confided in are all in on it. My banker knew about it and cleared everything to get me here. This is a worldwide conspiracy and they control everything - the borders, the airlines, even the turbulence you feel on the airplane. They can make your plane crash if they want. This is a huge web I can never escape. My whole world feels like it is crashing down. Things are becoming clear. My wife is a gypsy selling me out. People were encouraging me to go to the jungle and they were getting payouts when I finally made it down here. I am now doomed to live out my life in servitude in crummy sleeping quarters eating little and tasteless food. I’ll be one of those cases where he just disappeared; don’t know what happened to him. One day he was fine and then he all of a sudden went to the jungle and never returned. I’m feeling such despair. The jungle noises are unnerving. That fucking bird is laughing at me again. At 45 years of age my life is done. I realize now why people who play these games with the dark side end up running for the refuge of the church. The church is the one thing left that gives them hope. Sleep does not come and the night is long. It is the long dark night of my soul. Finally, day breaks and I look around. I’m in my hut; all my stuff is here and I get up and wander to the maloca to pick up my keys, blanket, and pillow. I come back to the hut and clean myself up. I collapse back on the bed somewhat relieved but still scared and very paranoid. I really trust no one at this point.

The shaman came around later that morning to discuss what happened. I told him I got scared and was still pretty shaken. They wondered if I wanted to leave. By this time I have calmed down a little and have some sense about me back. I tell them I don’t want to leave and I need to work through this and my delusions. I have tapped into my fears. Paranoia returns and I wonder if they are drugging the tea they make us drink? The siren call of ayahuasca has fucked me over. Again, I think it was all too easy right? The entrapment, the encouragement, and doors opening for me. They prey on suckers like me. At best I’ll now live out my life a lonely alcoholic doing endless menial work.

As the day wore on I started to feel better. One of the participants who had a dreadful first ceremony mentioned to me I should really write about what happened as I will gain insight because of it. I remember him just prior to the second ceremony wanting to back out of it because of the negative feelings he encountered during his first experience. The second ceremony was wonderful for him. A similar story was shared by someone else. She was hating everyone after the first ceremony but the second was so great that she wrote and wrote and wrote about how elated she was. Upon reflection, I can start to make a little sense out of the experience. I think it was my dark side trying to control me and it is something I need to heal myself of. There was the destruction of self when it was revealed I was a no good fraud. The fear of living out my life miserable and alone is very unsettling. And I was feeling that many of us are in the same situation as me but are just playing the game of life as best we know trying to scratch out a living. The shaman says this is all part of the healing and I need to have the intention to get rid of this demon. I did come here to meet the Goddess and confront this dark side that plagues me. I don’t have answers yet and I am feeling confused. I have to re-enter the dragon’s den tomorrow and get closure. I can’t end the journey on this note. 

*It has now been about four weeks since this experience. I have been able to process more and more of what happened that night. In hearing about others' experiences there is usually talk of an ego death or some kind of purging of bad mental states as well as the physical. I think in a way this was supposed to do just that. The sense of losing my identity was terrifying and I had no idea it would scare me like that. Once my dark side got control over me it pounded that thought home of how dreadful life could be made for me. Up until this point I thought of ego as a negative trait and something that is a product of a lifelong building project that masks the real you. I still do think of it that way but I have come to realize it has an important purpose. The ego is masking not only your good self, but also your shadow self. Do I really want ego death and have to face both aspects of myself? The answer is yes but there has to be preparation for this ego death. To confront it like this suddenly is horrible and scarring. The fear of losing my passport, credit cards, and money during this night is a metaphor for ego death. Losing those items that allows me to cling to my identity while lost in the jungle showed me how fleeting it all is. My secondary intention for this trip was to confront my dark side and use it in my life as a positive. I met my dark side and I ran like a coward. I still have to eventually face up to it. I wasn’t ready for the battle and I need to somehow prepare and get it done. If I stand up to my dark side I do have the strength and experience to best it and put it under my control to use as a positive. I'm convinced that is the lessons the ancient Egyptians were teaching with their myth of the Contendings of Horus and Set. The dark side Set was stronger at first and used this advantage to mess with the young re-born soul Horus. It got so bad Horus reasoned his mother Isis was plotting against him and cut off her head and then fled up the mountain where Set found him and gouged out his eyes. It was the love of the goddess Hathor that then restored Horus' sight so he could continue the battle. Eventually, this battle produces wisdom, as in the great god of wisdom Thoth, that Horus uses to his advantage to win this battle. With the ability now to dissect what happened in a better mental state, things are becoming clearer. I hope this is the wisdom I need. The Goddess has healed me and I am ready to continue to battle. I realized once my dark side got the upper hand it put the hammer down on this night and the experience. I’m actually pretty angry right now I let that happen. The full gamut of emotions hits me though as I do chuckle when I read my account of what happened and how I could so easily believe all the stuff that was going through my mind at the time. It quickly cycled out of control and I became a mess thinking everyone was out to get me. It seems so preposterous now in hindsight and this followed me into the next ceremony as I will detail.

ayahuasca - soul journey: part 1 the introduction

Banisteriopsis caapi, the vine called ayahuasca, wraps herself lovingly around a host tree in order to reach up to the heavens. Using this relationship, the vine becomes much greater than one of the many species of plants in the Amazon rainforest. It is how this vine works in a relationship with a curandero (shaman to us) as well as in the metaphysical and subconscious sense. The shamans of the Amazon take this vine and brew it with chacruna leaves to produce a decoction: a thick tea that when ingested results in a visionary experience replete with heavy purging of your innards.

How they figured this out is one of those unsolvable mysteries. The shamans will tell you the plants told them what to do. The best explanation I have heard from a scientific basis suggests they stumbled upon it after investigating different additives to the purgative effects of the vine, as many indigenous cultures use purging as a way of maintaining good health. Chacruna leaves contain the hallucinogen dimethyltryptamine, DMT, which when ingested is rendered inactive by the acids in your stomach. The properties of banisteriopsis caapi contain a chemical called a MAOI which is a monoamine oxidase inhibitor. In this case it prevents the breakdown of DMT present in the chacruna leaves and allows it to be orally active. There are thousands of known species of plants in the Amazon rainforest so it can be deduced from the odds that this was a very fortuitous happenstance that allowed these medicine men to come across this mixture. It is interesting to point out that DMT is a naturally occurring substance within our brain. The amount in our brain determines our reality. In essence you can say our reality is controlled by the amount of DMT in our brain. It is possible to then argue what exactly then is reality? In truth all we have is consensus reality. Generous estimates suggest the use of this brew for 4,500 years while a more conservative estimate would be about 2,500 years. In any event, how strange it must have been for the Spanish conquistadors and missionaries to come across what they would consider a witches brew in a fire brewed cauldron that then caused the imbiber to enter what they would classify as a demonic state.

Now for my story. The blog I maintain here contains my somewhat unorthodox view of the ancient deities of Egypt in context with the spirituality that motivates me to discover not only my own true self but also an intense desire to discover the origins of these beliefs. We view them today with a sense that these ancients were somewhat deluded and had an amazing imagination and capacity for making up these myths and then somehow enforcing them upon their respective cultures. The next leap we need to understand would be that the priests were so successful with their storytelling that they were then able to convince the power centers and the layman, for example in ancient Egypt, to devote wealth, time, and energy to not only construct awe inspiring pyramids and majestic temples dedicated to these deities but also to buy wholeheartedly into this grand façade. Am I the only one who finds this a leap of faith on the part of the modern man in order to buy into this explanation? What if what these ancients experienced was real to them? And in conjunction with that is the idea that we have lost this ability due to to our rationalist materialistic culture. Also those of us that may feel a connection or a calling then cede this to a religious institution that then declares a monopoly on communication with the divine. It has been now a five year obsession for me to try and find the origins of beliefs on my terms with a healthy skepticism to accepted dogma.

It is the second last week of May in the year 2013. I'm in a hotel room in Peru - in the city of Iquitos which is smack dab in the Amazon rainforest. I'm here because after about three years of searching I started feeling the presence of a goddess in my life calling to me and communicating with me. From this I started to really understand. The pyramids, the sphinx, the role of the divine feminine in the celestial birth of your soul into and out of this material plane - came like revelations. If you read through this blog you will get some sense of what I discovered that I have revealed. The feminine divine is very seductive. Hathor, Isis, Astarte, Ba'alat, Asherah, Aphrodite, Venus, The Queen of Heaven and so on filled my longing for a connection with the divine. The affair starts off much like a creeping vine. Young shoots caress you and it feels good to be wanted and able to share in a feeling of being wanted and special. I continued to pursue this goddess by investigating ancient ways of coming into contact with her and reading as much as I could in the literature of long lost ancient civilizations. As well I innately knew she was with me. I would spend nights walking home seeing signs in the heavens that I couldn't explain. Manifestations of white light appearing before me, the planet Venus pulsing red and following me home, and intellectual connections affirming my suspicions that this goddess is the one that all these ancient cultures knew about. She has many names and manifestations but it is all this goddess. I wrote this blog post about the similarities between a doctor who had been brain dead and experienced an encounter with a woman who exuded love in conjunction with the green lady who would manifest during absinthe toxicity.

This led me to multiple accounts of the female presence that would manifest upon drinking the ayahuasca brew. It was while researching and writing the blog post about this lady that it finally dawned on me that what the ancient Egyptians were doing to come into contact with the gods and goddesses were shamanic in nature. The shaking of the rattling sistrum, the chanting, the singing, the intoxication, the calling upon the goddess Hathor. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This fantastic literature of ancient Egypt, their deities, and artwork were the product of altered states which our modern scholars have classified as wishful funerary speculations on the afterlife. Well I guess death can be considered the penultimate altered state therefore the inclusion of this material in the funerary sphere but to me this was confirmation that they believed they could visit this otherworld in an altered state they would consider akin to the death of the material body. Thus began my search to enter into this altered state. My available local options were too dicey and illegal to consider. I started researching ayahuasca. I'd watched and read stories of participants violently puking and shitting themselves. Multiple accounts of how awful it tastes. Experiences of the dark side or the dark nature of reality. Many people saying there is no way you could get addicted to it due to this purging and the overwhelming sense you get from the experience. Despite this it seemed that many were pleased with the experience and talked of this mother ayahuasca. How peculiar I thought. This brought me from the fall into the winter. I still longed to contact the goddess but I thought I would have to be patient and maybe someday I'd be afforded the opportunity. I asked for a Native American flute for Christmas. I don't play any instruments but I had this desire for this flute. I felt like it was an ancient method to lead adherents to apostasy and I felt like I could do that well! I could pick out passages in the Old Testament that alluded to this, such as Genesis 9:20 and thought it was rather interesting that it is glossed over in any kind of bible study. Though I am and was in this case patient I didn't realize that the goddess can be impatient. I also realized from mythology that she has a terrifying and destructive side but I chose not to think about that. Perhaps in hindsight I should have. Anyway I was working late one night in January when I started watching accounts of those who had taken ayahuasca and were blown away by the experience. I then came across the Joe Rogan podcasts where this was talked about. I was pretty much obsessed by now and I knew I had to make it happen; the creeping vine had matured in my psyche and was leading me to her. I tentatively decided that May would be a good time to go and started investigating my options. Vacation time opened up at work easily, the finances fell in to place too easily. Eventually I consulted a travel doctor to see about precautions and vaccinations I would need to travel to the jungle. I started monitoring flights to Peru and their cost as well as trying to find the right shaman for me. After clearing all hurdles towards the end of April I was pretty much set. It was going to happen. How easy was that? I settled on an indigenous shaman with a lodge in the jungle for ten nights and five ayahuasca ceremonies. At the beginning and end of the trip I booked a tour of the river system and a three day hike through one of the reserves in the region. I wait now at my Iquitos hotel to be picked up and taken to the jungle. My first ceremony is tonight.

The shaman’s assistant, José, picked me up shortly after 10 am and after a stop to pick up another participant we headed out of Iquitos to the village of El Triunfo which seemed like a forty minute drive. We reached the town and got out of the car in order to trek now into the jungle. This hike, hauling all my belongings seemed to be over half an hour. It would be a nice hike if I wasn’t lugging my stuff around with me. The sun was reaching its zenith in the sky and the humidity was in full force. It turned into a bit of an ordeal and I was sweating profusely however I soldiered on figuring this was part of the whole process. The ground was muddy, very swamp like in places. Poorly constructed bridges with rickety planks helped you to cross rivers and streams that criss-crossed this trail.

Bridge on the trail

The trail did not feel out of the ordinary to the trails I used to hike with my dog in central and southern Ontario. The vegetation was more plentiful and larger due to the oxygen rich environment. Finally we arrived at the Dios Ayahuasca Sanaciones center and I was assigned hut #3 for my stay. It has a bed with mosquito netting, a table, hammock, and a toilet. We were provided drinking water and some candles. Being pretty much on the equator the sun rises at 6 am and sets at 6 pm. Lunch came soon after that along with some tea called ajos sacha. This tea is a cleansing herbal tea that tastes like a brothy garlic. It is recommended we drink a litre of this tea a day. Lunch was basic and consisted of vegetable soup and a plate with white rice, carrots, beets, avocado, tomato, cucumber, and a slice of lemon. I found it good and satisfying but I have done cleansing fasts before and I don’t mind playing the part of a vegetarian. I imagine others would not be as thrilled. It is my first and only meal for the day.

It took quite a while to cool down from the hike to the center but eventually I wandered out of my hut to see what was going on. I spent a few hours talking to and getting to know the other participants here. I think there will be eleven participating at tonight’s ceremony. Everyone I have met seems down to earth and clear headed. There are including myself two Canadians, a bunch from the US, three Europeans, and a couple Russians who now live in the US. Most of us are newcomers to ayahuasca. There is a positive energy that is going through the camp.

It is now almost 4 pm. The curandero meets with us and then gives us a flower bath at 5 pm to prepare for the ceremony which begins after dark. I am feeling the need to focus now.

I have just finished the flower bath ceremony. I will call it Ayahuasca Baptism. You enter the river to cleanse yourself. You then approach the shaman who blows ceremonial mapacho (tobacco) smoke onto the flowers and your body and then he pours the flower water on your head three times; each time blessing it with the mapacho smoke. The intensity of this ritual is high, especially it being the first time I have gone through it. The atmosphere feels very charged and you definitely get pumped and feel courageous. I know in ancient Egypt it was of utmost importance for the priests of the temples to purify themselves prior to coming into contact with the divine. This has the same feel. I felt during this purification ritual that the curandero was making direct eye contact with me quite a bit like he knew something was up with me. When I left he asked for my name again. The ayahuasca ceremony begins at 7 pm tonight. The curandero, Percy, met with us individually prior to the flower bath to get a feel for why we are here. I explained that the goddess called me here and that is the primary reason why I am here. Secondly I wished to confront my destructive dark side in order to get closure on that part of my life and turn it into a strength. It is the reconciliation of Horus and Set warring inside me I wish to confront and turn into a positive.

It is now about 6 pm. One hour to go. I’m very happy with the group; tons of good energy and people that seem to have a purpose. Someone mentioned no one travels this far just to take drugs.

It’s just about go time...

After the first ceremony ended I spent the night in the ceremonial hut which is called a maloca. It felt comfortable and safe.

Maloca

That was the most profound, intense experience I could ever imagine. It was overwhelming at times. It was a constant ebb and flow. In an evening of astounding happenings the fact the shaman and his saintly assistant José knew at all times what I needed and when to pull me back was uncanny. The shaman’s shaking of the chacapa and his songs, icaros, kept me grounded. If not for this I felt I would have left the material plane forever.

Chacapa

The night began by heading to the maloca for 7 pm. We took off our sandals before entering the maloca and I thought of the sandal bearer in ancient Egyptian lore who holds the Pharaoh’s sandals while he enters the realm of the spirits. One we were all present and assigned a mattress, the shaman’s assistant José got incense burning and then proceeded to cense the room and all us participants. We then waited for quite a while for the shaman to arrive. Once he arrived he prepared a fragrance I believe that is called Peruvian Agua de Florida (a cologne called Florida water). He poured this perfume into our hands and we splashed our face with the fragrance. The effect of this perfume felt full of energy and it functions as a cleaning agent. I have now been ceremonially flower bathed, censed, and perfumed. In this ritually pure state I may approach the divine. At this point Percy sat down behind his altar and prepared the dose for each participant. The first to go and drink were the ones that had been at the center for the longest and the shaman could with confidence understand the amount of ayahuasca to give to them. For most of us having never drunk this brew we would be given smaller doses. Everyone was called up one by one by the shaman’s deep voice. He presented the chalice containing the ayahuasca and most would drink it down in one gulp. I was the second last of the eleven to go up. My dose seemed to be half a cup; it is very dark as the candles had been extinguished and night was upon us. I drank it in one swallow. It tasted to me like strong black licorice with some kind of citrus mixed in with it. I did not mind the taste and was able to hold it down. Some of the participants started puking away. I did not find the sound of the vomiting encouraging me to puke. With two kids and a dog I have dealt with my fair share and it doesn’t really affect me and I am a non puking kind of person so I was confident I would not purge right away though I was prepared for its eventuality and would just let it happen when it comes. After about 10 minutes I saw some flickering lights form with my eyes open and when I closed them I saw some interesting low level visions of geometrical patterns and hieroglyphs. I had to use the washroom and I walked there with a feeling of soberness. When I returned to my mattress I felt nothing and was disappointed in the dose. I noticed one of the veteran participants was getting more of the ayahuasca and at this point I decided to be assertive and I got up and asked for more. Little did I know that José will go around the room asking if you want more so I was told to sit down and wait my turn. I had a feeling of impatience as I waited for my turn.

Percy gave me what felt like a full cup on my second go round. It is still so very dark so I couldn’t see but it felt substantial. I have not asked as of yet but this must have been the adult brand of ayahuasca. I went back to my mattress and looked up to the top of the maloca. I could see points of light and I deduced those were my soul brothers. I invited them to join me. I closed my eyes and it hit me hard. It was all green at first, very jungle like and I had a sense it was the Goddess. This scene transformed into rooms of immense beauty, almost like a slide show of how beautiful a realm I had just entered. Diamonds, gemstones, and gold adorned these rooms. I commented that this is nice but what can you do for me? I now was lying on a bed in this golden room and I was being lifted up higher and higher. At this point there was no doubt this was the Goddess. When I reached the pinnacle of my destination she showed me how she controls the rain as the rain started up the exact moment I reached the top. The rain presented itself as celestial clapping; it was a welcoming from the gods and goddesses that I had made it. It was very profound and has stuck with me as a moment I will never forget. I now started to converse with the Goddess and this was pretty much the theme for this experience. I don’t know how long exactly it lasted; I would guess two to three hours. I can recall most of what we talked about. It is interesting that my experience was more about conversation than visions. I tend not to be one who thinks in a visual sense but I always tended to form pictures with words and numbers in my thoughts. As well I have a continual running dialogue in my head with my own self, so inward conversation is nothing new to me and my preferred method of communication.

Okay so the Goddess had put me in this place of exaltation and I was feeling very special. I had fully expected this long awaited experience to begin with fear and some kind of dread as I had this feeling I needed to have my ass kicked before anything else could proceed. However it was not like that at all. I felt the Goddess’ love for me and that I could do no wrong in her eyes. I told her I loved her and this made her very happy. There was this feeling I got that even though she is divine she wanted love as well. The exchange felt at times like lovers at play. Part of her expressing her love was this outpouring of a heavenly scent that was very intoxicating. I realized that men who get a glimpse of and the scent of this Goddess then spend the rest of their days trying to recapture this experience. I was amazed that I could in this lifetime get to this point where I could come into contact with her. The veil was still there though. I was able to glimpse her beauty and smell but the mystery was still there. She flirted with me, teased me, and acted as lovers do. She told me to come away with her. I immediately had an innate sense that if I did that I wasn’t coming back to the material realm. I hesitated and said I cannot as I still have things to accomplish and a family to provide for. She implored me to come but it was at this point I realized the importance of the shaman to guide you through these realms. The shaman shook his chacapa and sang his icaros to ground me. He was in a way keeping me sober because this lady was definitely intoxicating. This part of my trip was ending and the Goddess was letting me return. As I descended back to the material realm I became nauseous and started puking. The bucket was comforting and I held it for a while. The night however was not over by a long shot.

After a brief respite the Goddess returned. She showed me that I am who I am. In other words that my normal consciousness that I keep concealed in my head is who I am. My outward projection of a polite and shy person is not really me. She was speaking to my conceit and how I tend to dismiss or denigrate others while making it appear I’m not like that. It was not a condemnation of me but a recognition of my behaviour. I take from that it is something I should strive to change. The Goddess genuinely wanted my love and she was willing to overlook my faults. Coming to terms with mistakes or wrong doing in my life was not something she seemed concerned with at this time. It was like these experiences and results were life lessons and expected. She once again pulled on my heart strings. I wanted to go with her now but the shaman kept me here; enabling me to keep one foot in the material plane.

The Goddess reminded me what a wonderful mother my wife is to my two children. She let me know that she manifested herself in my wife when I first met my wife in order to seduce me. She reminded me how fragrant and beautiful my wife was and chastised me for the way I now treat her. It brought me to tears and I promised to make amends and turn her back into a goddess I respect. The Goddess then let me know how much my son wants to connect with me. Though I am always around when I can be for my children I’m at times very distant. I got the sense from the Goddess that if I really need to be there for my wife and children I need to act like it. Then I saw my beautiful dog that had passed away almost two years ago. I could reach out and hug her and hold her and kiss her again. It was so emotional. I still tear up thinking of this. I was shown how she suffered in silence her last few years until she cried out for me in her last days. I realized how much love I had for her and how we were inseparable. Then came the big revelation: This dog was the Goddess incarnated to be with me and guide me. This made so much sense because of this amazing bond we shared. Multiple people, my wife and parents included, had commented on the incredible closeness between us. I was surprised I had never realized this before. The Goddess then chastised me for keeping the remainder of my dog’s remains in the cupboard hidden away from view. As a goddess she should be in an ornate urn prominently displayed. I promised to rectify this as soon as I got back home.

Throughout the night I drifted from contact with the Goddess to some kind of lucidity. The Goddess told me I could call on her anytime I want and told me she protects me with a cloak of invincibility. I would be protected from sickness and disease because of our relationship. She explained to me my destructive side is caused by boredom and that I have this ability to toy with life. Maybe that explains my ability to remain calm when faced with plenty of adversity?

At times I experienced some amazing visions with my eyes open. I saw the shaman’s assistant José appear with light enveloping him and he had the appearance of a saint. At points in the ceremony it felt like he was being used as a channel for the Goddess. He would be speaking quickly in a hushed religious tone much like a scene from the exorcist. It felt like a presence of the Virgin Mary. I totally see why in people who have these visions nothing can ever shake their faith. They have seen this spirit dimension and it is real. I also witnessed one of the participants devolve into an ape like creature and disappear and reappear. The freakiest thing was the shaman changing into a spirit form and entering into the stomach of the guy beside me. The shaman’s wife had given birth by caesarian section on the weekend and it seemed like he was using this guy to heal her. I saw his spirit go directly into him after José told me the shaman has to go tend to his wife now. The shaman never left completely; he knew he was needed in both places. I told him I would be strong and I could handle it from here on out. I really couldn’t so the shaman was always there when I needed him. To try and control my state and visions I would sit in the lotus position and breathe deeply. It wasn’t working too well and I felt as if I weren’t in control which made me very uncomfortable. I hoped these trips for the night would be over. Snake demons approached me at one point but I was full of confidence and dismissed them with a “Is that all you got?” I thought at this point that I really never have to do ayahuasca again; I was good and felt its power. It was my fear talking. I had already promised the Goddess I would see her again at the next ceremony on Wednesday and I know I can’t break that promise.

After a few more times entering into the spirit world and back I asked José if I was done for the night. He said no there is still healing to be done. At some point the shaman came around with the intoxicating fragrance enveloping me. I tilted my head up so her essence could wash over my face. I have never smelled anything that beautiful before.

The Goddess and I seem to have a connection for the love of the word ‘profane’. I liked describing my earthly existence as profane. Every time something reminded the Goddess of something profane she would make the woman sitting directly across from me spit or wretch. I believe this woman has suffered from depression in her life and I felt the goddess in her as the aspect that is the Mother Goddess. I could see and hear how Mother Earth is suffering and this woman symbolizes it. I tried to help heal her but I felt the suffering because the children of the Mother Goddess are destroying her. This woman I saw change into this vision of Hathor mixed with Wonder Woman. As the night wound down there was a huge blood red patch where her vulva was. I had heard this sound earlier in the night of water breaking and then rushing out onto the floor of the maloca. I wondered if there was a connection? I had this innate feeling now that the jungle was the Goddess.

As I descended back into the material realm for good this evening I felt this tingling in my extremities and an uncomfortable vibratory feeling. Earlier in the night the Goddess had shown me that navigating different planes is done through vibration. As I was re-entering the material plane for good I felt dizzy and I puked again. I realized that the soul vibrates into a frequency that allows this travelling. I was positive the shaman was a master of these vibrations and knows the frequencies needed to keep you grounded here with his chacapa and songs. I had a feeling of deep love and respect for the shaman. I saw my soul brothers in the roof of the maloca again as I laid there trying to process this experience. I was very woozy when I got up to use the washroom. I curled up on the mattress but I was too wired to sleep. At one point during one of the trips I had sweated profusely. At this point I stunk of sweat, body odour, vomit, and diarrhea. Not a good way to be in the presence of the Goddess.

This first experience feels indescribable almost. I’ve tried to convey it but it is very hard to get across the enormity of what I felt using words. I felt very much spiritually coherent though my physical self was probably in a trance like condition. I felt this condition of being very centred with all possible distractions like others purging or flashlights shining being part of the background of my world. Maybe because it was my first time I became a little disconcerted by the experience and wanted off. I think I’m okay now and we will see what the next ceremony brings. I will continue my story in part 2.

the bird as an archetype of the soul

It is late afternoon on the waterfront and the flock of sparrows prepares to roost for the night. As the evening approaches the sparrows take off as a group and perform these amazing synchronized movements; dancing and darting through the cool lake air as one body. I've often watched enraptured and wondered how they can perform as a unity. 

The idea we have of being separate and unique is ingrained in us from birth. The severance begins almost right away though it is probably not until after the age of two that it manifests as the ego. I can remember a distinct me at an age just before my third birthday. From that time on I am alone and separate, and for most of us we then spend the rest of our lives with a longing to connect with others in some sort of a meaningful bond. Some are more successful at this then others. For a lot of people the feeling of separation turns to desperation leading to habitual abuses as a way to cope, which then turns to innate sadness, depression, and for some suicide as an act of escape from the despair they feel.

I don't believe it is in our natures to live as ego driven personalities and living as such is the cause of much suffering. Ego seems to be a late addition to human consciousness; a development that came after the breakdown of tribal structures. Our evolution as humans occurred in groups and we lived much like animals in the sense we did everything together in order to survive. The totem connected us as we identified ourselves with the tribe and its perceived spiritual guide. This is such a powerful notion ingrained into our psyche that I look around and see people with such an attachment to club sports that rally around the wolf or bear for example. The strength of that entity is projected onto the collective team and gives an idea of a collective consciousness contained within the unit. It manifests at a larger level in the form of nationalism and patriotism. It is the fundamental urge and necessity to belong.

The experiences I have shared with canines seem to confirm this. They have a fundamental need to share in the family structure in order to be well adjusted. Anyone who has raised a dog from pup to adult will have similar stories of leaving the dog at home by itself as they run out to do errands. The dog will whine and howl and then become destructive. This is due to separation anxiety. A dog does not have ego and views itself as a loyal member of a group. When the group abandons the animal, however temporary, the animal suffers a profound loss of group identity which in essence is the only identity it has. Any idea of self a dog may have is solely generated by us humans and the re-enforcement of that concept. In this same regard, the idea of the human individual and separation leads to a profound feeling of despair within us if we are not able to reconcile it with our desire to belong.  

Upon reflection, the idea of having a separate ego seems artificial to my thinking. My concept of who I am is based on feedback from others within my social group. I am defined by others in a context where I have to hide my true self in order to fit in. This multiplies to the point where I lose the ability to even discern who I am. I don't know who I am and I have so many filters operating at this level, I cannot possibly make an honest account of myself. The truth is somewhere between my perception and others perception of me. Could it possibly be that 'I am' is a survival mechanism brought upon by separation; separation felt not only at this level but by separation from the fount or eternal oneness?

I am reminded of the scene surrounding the burial of the pharaoh in early dynastic ancient Egypt. Upon death of the king and at his burial, his courtiers would join him. How horrifying is that concept to us? It is unfathomable to consider joining in this act. Why did they do it back 5,000 years ago then? To me the answer lies in a lack of ego development and a lack of any feelings of separation. Like worker bees or ants of the natural world, humans once were able to function as one. We have lost that ability as it lies dormant now within us. Taking this concept further, I would think to build pyramids in today's world minus heavy machinery would necessitate the need to redevelop this lost connection and shared consciousness.

Birds are individual physical beings that have been separated but can still function as one. They have retained the remarkable ability and sense to stay connected though they are operating in the physical realm. It is the archetype of our souls in this plane. As souls we have become separated from this unity but in essence we are still one and to this unity we shall return. The eternal beacon is always present; we just need to reconnect.

Nebet-Het: friend of the deceased

In utterance 553 of the Pyramid Texts the deceased is told to:

"Raise thyself up; shake off thy dust; remove the dirt which is on thy face; loose thy bandages. They are indeed not bandages; they are the locks of Nebet-Het."

Nebet-Het's hair wraps the body of the deceased, symbolizing the linen cloth that wraps the mummy. The pharaoh as Osiris, is encouraged to break free of her tresses in order to be re-born.

Nebet-Het, the ancient Egyptian goddess known in Greek as Nephthys, is the sister of the more popular goddess Aset. Aset is known as Isis in Greek and is the wife of the great Asar, who is known as Osiris in Greek. Nephthys' name means "Lady of the Temple Enclosure"; Lady from the Nebet part. Nebet is a designation given to an important female as Neb is the designation for an important man, a lord. The t designates a female is being referred to. The hieroglyphic for Neb is a semicircle, with the round part facing down or towards the ground.

Also it is interesting to note that the hieroglyphic for gold is similar yet more ornate and is transliterated as Nebu. It is the same semi-circle however it has rays shining downwards from the circular part as well as an enclosure over top suggesting that the gold is from the earth and shines like the rays of sunlight.

The god of eternity Heh kneeling on the hieroglyphic for Gold

The impression it gives is that gold is the moment before the sun appears at dawn and the sky is lit up in a golden colour. The ancient Egyptians referred to this most special time as the akhet and it is more specifically referring to the goddess Het-Har, Hathor in Greek. An epithet of Hathor is Lady of Gold. Gold is the flesh body of the gods.

The second part of the name is transliterated Het, Hut, or Hwt from the hieroglyphs. This refers to a palace or temple enclosure.

Nephthys wearing the hieroglyphic symbols of her name on her head

Clearly, Nephthys was thought of as a woman of great stature who would be associated with the royal family and temples. No one is quite sure what temple enclosure this is referring to and with good reason. It is a figurative definition that is referring to the physical body as the temple that contains the soul, better known to casual observers as Osiris. The two sisters, Nephthys and Isis, are the great goddesses who are present to remember and make hale the great deceased Osiris in order to awaken him. These two are symbolized in the entrance to all temples in Egypt as the two sides, called pylons, of the entrance shaped like an akhet or horizon that allowed the rising sun to enter into the temple at dawn.

First pylon and entrance to temple of Heru-Behdety

In her role as the maker of the body that houses the great soul, Nephthys was given the epithet Nebet Khat, which means "Lady of the Body". Thinking about this designation a little further, Nephthys' role becomes clearer as it seems she is a mother type who makes and is present in the physical vehicle that houses the soul. Whether her role only concerns royalty is debatable. The language used to describe her role is very regal such as palace and she can be considered a queen. However there is the story related from the Greek historian Plutarch where in commenting on the love story of Isis and Osiris he tells of the time Nephthys impersonated Isis, as they are sisters both of great beauty, and tricked Osiris into sleeping with her. From this union was born the jackal Anpu, Anubis in Greek. It seems that even though it may appear Nephthys has only royal connections she has the ability to make bodies for all, from the sacred soul Osiris to the profane jackal beast Anubis. This bit of information helps then to put her role more into context. To compare her to a more familiar archetype I would suggest a figure such as Eve in the first book of the Bible who is capable of making life that is not only profane, as in the birth of the beastly Cain, but also of the sacred that is represented as Abel and then Seth; Seth being born due directly to the death of Abel, as spelled out in Genesis 4:25, which is the Bible relating the resurrection of the soul in such an arcane way that no one will really ever figure out that passage. From Genesis 3:20 we learn that Eve, Chavvah in Hebrew, means life-giver and is the mother of all living; in essence the maker of bodies that we may figuratively call temples or tabernacles that can house the life force, Ka in ancient Egypt, that animates life forms as well as housing the immortal soul, the Ba in ancient Egypt, which is dismembered upon entry into the physical plane in the west and must be remembered in order to engender rebirth. Armed with this understanding we can deduce that Nephthys is an aspect of the mother goddess in ancient Egypt, known as Hathor that manifests in the body with Isis to help wake up this immortal soul that is slumbering away in the darkness of our hearts. Before I detail her association to Hathor, the role of Isis should be clarified so we avoid confusion, or conflate the role of these two sister goddesses.

Isis is the wife of Osiris who upon his death at the hands of the strong and beastly Set, dedicates her life to finding and remembering Osiris. Being great of magic, once Isis recovered Osiris and made him hale she was able to impregnate herself with his seed. The child born is the born again soul of the father Osiris and this child is Horus (transliterated as Heru from the hieroglyphs). It is an elaborate story that mythicized the soul journeying in matter. Isis plays the role of the womb that in the physical realm will give birth to and nurture your reborn soul.

From Karnak there is an inscription calling Osiris 'he who resides in the house of conception' alluding to the impregnation of Isis and the consequent birth of Horus.
The Routledge Dictionary of Egyptian Gods and Goddesses, by George Hart, pg. 120

This inscription is telling us that the soul, Osiris, resides in Isis; Isis is the womb, i.e. the genetrix of the newborn soul. This soul in ancient Egypt is referred to as the Ba.

Now that we have narrowed down the role of Isis and knowing Nephthys is a "Lady of the Temple" we can make the claim Nephthys is concerned with your life force of the physical body and which the ancient Egyptians called the Ka. Now this is important because it will help me explain some of the connections that are part of the goddess Nephthys. Her husband is the beastly Set, with whom it is said she is childless. However why the seemingly arbitrary connection to Set? Well, I wrote a blog post awhile back called iconoclastic Cain and Abel that contained the ground breaking assertion that Osiris is representing the concept of the Ba and Set is representing the concept of the Ka here in the material realm. After coming to this realization and gaining an understanding of what these ancient Egyptian myths are trying to convey, you gain a whole new perspective and are then able to interprete these old world stories with context and greater understanding. Nephthys is the wife of Set because they are both connected to the concept of the Ka. The Ka is not a concept that is too difficult to understand regardless of what you may read. Most definitions in books and on the internet will try to explain it as a force that leaves the body at physical death and then the body has to be mummified or a Ka statue has to be placed in the tomb as a substitute so that the Ka has some place to go. The definitions usually include the caveat that we don't really have a full understanding of what is meant by the Ka. I don't think it is too difficult to grasp as long as you have an open mind; you don't box yourself into an intellectual corner; and realize that not everything the ancient Egyptians did revolved around the funerary sphere. The Ka is the life force that animates the physical body. Upon death, the Ka has left as your body lies there lifeless. When you are younger you are full of the Ka; I like to think of a puppy that is full of what we would call spunk or life. As we age this force wanes. The hieroglyphic for the Ka is a bull; an apt symbol for the untamed, wildness of this force. It is animal instinct that lives on desire, preys on the weak, and does not think of consequences. As parents we try to tame and civilize our children who are full of this instinct by teaching them about right and wrong and consequences. Furthermore the Ka was depicted as food offerings. 

Offering of food as Ka

In order to survive in the physical realm we need to constantly ingest the life force of other living material on the earth. The Ka was represented this way as well. When we die the Ka does not die rather it leaves your body; it is still an entity that exists therefore you will see in tombs figurative offerings on the wall to the Ka of the deceased. The easy way to explain this part of the Ka is through the concept of the ghost. What we think of a ghost, is the ancient Egyptian concept of the Ka that has left the body and is unsatisfied. The Ka remains in this physical world unattached, becoming a general nuisance to those still living in the physical realm. Call them superstitious, but the ancient Egyptians went to great lengths to prevent this from happening by trying to satiate the Ka and by making replicas or a mummy that it could visit and thereby leave everyone else alone. As well the Ka is connected with the concept of reincarnation. In this regard think of it as a manifestation of your unique soul in another guise. You have just the one immortal soul, the Ba, but your Ka will shape shift into many different forms in the material realm in order that it experiences and is no longer dragged into physical incarnation. The Ka is forever coming. The ram god Khnum is the potter god who constructs these Kas.

The potter Khnum presenting a double of the Ka

You will see him constructing a new Ka always in multiples; in essence telling us that he is making another replica manifestation of your Ka from a master record. The ultimate provider of life and food substances here in this world, that fits with the ancient Egyptian definition of Ka as food stuff, is the power of the sun. This power, represented as the god Re, is celebrated in many hymns with a great many written in devotion of the the sun disk Aten by the iconoclastic pharaoh Akhenaten who is mistakenly called the world's first monotheist. Aten is the actual sun disk that housed the light rays that would stream to earth and provide for all. The famous female pharaoh of the early 18th dynasty, Hatshepsut, had as one of her names Ma'at Ka Re.

Ma'at Ka Re

This is translated as "truth is the soul of the sun". Close but leaves me wanting. How about "the natural order is the life providing power of the light of the sun"? Anyway from this moniker it can be understood that Re is the ultimate provider of this power. In the material realm here on earth it is the beastly Set who then demonstrates this power untamed. Even though he is a murderer of the Ba soul Osiris, and he constantly battles with the avenging son Horus, this does not deter Re from having a soft spot for this crimson beast.

Red and Set go together

In the story of The Contendings of Horus and Set, Re is constantly advocating Set's case to become the king of all Egypt despite his trickery, lying, and general despicable behaviour. In the end when it is determined Horus deserves the united crown, Re places Set aboard his sun boat in order to take advantage of his awesome strength. There is quite the connection here between the life giving power of the sun and the power manifesting on earth. It is understood by the ancient Egyptians that without this awesome power that physical creation would cease to exist. The serpent Apophis is always at the ready to strike to stop the sun boat of Re. It is the strength of Set at the prow of the boat that beats the devourer into submission.

Set's strength keeping back Apophis, the destructive force

This whole scene is depicting creation as moving forward, as life is properly a verb. Once we stop moving and growing we die. Re's boat and his cyclical journey must continue on. It is also telling that the ancient Egyptians realized that although this Set can at times be despicable, he is needed and is a power to subdue and use for strength in order to be successful in your spiritual journey. This coming together of Horus and Set is depicted in monuments where they are shown together uniting Upper and Lower Egypt by tying the papyrus and lotus around the sema-sign, and in the serekh of pharaoh Khasekhemwy of the 2nd dynasty.

Serekh of Khasekhemwy

Where the two combatants are shown united is shown also as the two headed falcon Hrwyfy which is communicating that the two combatants have made peace and now have an understanding.

Now with a better idea of the role of the life force, known as Ka, we can see then the natural relationship of Nephthys to Set. Extrapolating from this idea further, the relationship of Isis to Osiris is then connected to the soul, known as the Ba. In the mythology of Set his consort is not limited to just Nephthys. Another of his consorts is a female hippopotamus known as Tauret (Taweret).

The Great Lady Tauret

The meaning of the name is "great lady", the great from the ur or wer and the idea of female from the t determinate that denotes female at the end of the name. However we should not ignore the Ta at the beginning of the name that is suggesting that this great lady is of the land or earth. In other words this material plane is where you find the great birth mother. She will get you in and out of this plane of existence. We will get back to the idea of the great material woman in a bit. Tauret has the face of a hippopotamus, the hind legs of a lion, and the tail of a crocodile. She is depicted as pregnant with large pendulous breasts and wears the cow horns that cradle a sun disk on her head which is the headdress of the mother goddess Hathor. As well she has the bovine ears that you find associated with Hathor as well as the long tresses of hair that is another feature of Hathor. The association of Tauret with the aspect of Hathor where she is an archetypal mother goddess is undeniable. Set can be referred to as the "beast of the reeds", a male hippopotamus which is one of the most territorial and aggressive beasts on earth and is apt iconography for the wild untamed Set. On the other hand a female hippopotamus, though quite aggressive, will usually only show that behaviour when she is with her offspring. Tauret being so protective of the young, has pregnant women and those in childbirth summon her to protect and guide them. Tauret is sometimes depicted with seven stars on her back which gives the idea that she can be found in the night sky as a recognizable constellation as determined by ancient Egyptian astronomers. The constellation we call Draco that contains the ancient polestar from 5000 years ago called Thuban, is the area of the sky that was personified by the hippopotamus goddess Tauret. The polestar within this constellation was the star that all the other constellations revolved around. She can be depicted holding a mooring post in the shape of a crocodile that is tethered to a northern circumpolar constellation in the form of an ox and also depicted holding a rope attached to the foreleg of this constellation. Given my connection of the Ka to Set, I would guess the meaning here is the connection between Tauret and Set as her consort, as Set has been identified as the Big Dipper constellation in ancient Egypt known as Maskheti, the foreleg of the ox and this foreleg is prominent in the ceremony of Opening the Mouth and Eyes. In essence this foreleg, called the Khepesh, opens the mummified in order to receive the Ka into it. Tauret was also given the title Nebetakhet, which is once again giving us the connection to the morning dawn, birth of the rising sun, and Hathor. As one of the imperishable northern constellations she would be present in the magical moment at dawn just prior to the sun making its grand entrance in the east from the akhet. Other consorts of Set are the west Semitic goddesses Anat and Astarte who were awarded to him after the decision to give Horus sole rulership of Egypt. These goddesses share the attributes of Hathor: Anat a beautiful woman depicted with the Hathor hair-do who embodies beauty, sexuality, and fertility and Astarte is beautiful as well with the Hathor hair-do who exudes sexuality as well as motherhood traits. Both these goddesses also have warrior like attributes in the vein of Hathor's alter ego Sekhemet. 

The last connection with aspects of Hathor having Set as their consort are the group of seven Hathors that are found in the Book of the Dead and on temple walls.

The seven Hathors vignette from Spell 148 in the Book of the Dead

Spell 148 from the R.O. Faulkner translation has the aspirant saying: 
I know the names of the seven cows and their bull who give bread and beer, who are beneficial to souls and who provide daily portions; may you give bread and beer and make provision for me, so that I may serve you, and may I come into being under your hinder-parts.

The seven Hathors and their bull provide the life force necessary for the Ba soul in what is called the realm of the dead. The bull is the great sky-bull called the "Bull of the West". The seven Hathors are also related to the seven Hathors of human form that show up in scenes of birth to pronounce the fate of the child. The bull and his concubines are symbolizing the Ka needed by the Ba in its material incarnation that has left it latent; this latency connects to the death of the soul. When you read of the "realm of the dead" it is important that you read it in context so that it doesn't trip you up and lead you to think it only refers to the body and not the soul. In this day and age we only attend funerals for the life force - Ka, and not the soul - Ba. That is the way we are conditioned to think. However, this is referring to the death of the soul and then providing nourishment to it so that eventually it may experience re-birth. To the ancients death is a transition not a finality, so though to us it is hard to understand your soul dying because we think that's a finality, to the ancient Egyptian it would be a perfectly logical concept and one that with the proper context they could ascertain whether it is referring to the body or the soul. Death takes place in the west, whether that is your soul or your body. Osiris enters his place of darkness in the west and is dismembered by the animal instinct of the Ka. However it is this Ka that then carries the Ba. It is the Bata bull, Set's glorious role that he is even unaware of, that carries the Ba through its successive incarnations as this illustration from the Papyrus Jumilhac indicates:

Bata has the markings of the Apis bull; the celebrated bull which is the Ka of Osiris that the later Greek rulers of Egypt synthesized into the god Serapis. As well as I have written in the blog post the ancient egyptian story of Anpu and Bata, it is the character of Bata that keeps reappearing in different guises after previously thought to be dead and eventually he becomes pharaoh. This is symbolizing his resurrection as the re-born Ba soul Horus here in the material world after successive incarnations.

Well that has been a long winded exposition of goddesses that are aspects of Hathor having a connection to Set as their consort much like Nephthys. It leads into the next characteristics of Nephthys that I'd like to examine now that we have some background.  She was one of the few goddesses with a direct connection to the sistrum; the rattle that is used to call upon Hathor. Nephthys was the patron of the seventh nome of Upper Egypt called Sheshesh, which is the transliteration from the hieroglyphics that denote the sistrum. The Mansion of the Sistrum in the largest city in this nome, and this city Hwt-Sekhem had Nephthys as its patron goddess. She was also protectress of the Osirian relic at this locale, the Bennu bird. The Bennu bird or Phoenix, is a symbol of the resurrection. Just like Hathor, Nephthys' temple rites and feasts contained the excessive imbibing of beer and at a ruined sanctuary at Komir there is an elaborate "Hymn to Nephthys" from the Roman Emperor Antoninus Pius. Nephthys is described as the "Mistress of many festivals...who loves the day of festival, the goddess for whom men and women play the tambourine." It can be seen that like the other goddesses mentioned above, Nephthys as well had quite the connection to the all encompassing mother goddess Hathor. Nephthys' role is concerned with the dead soul and protecting it in its journey into darkness. In the Pyramid Texts, utterance 505, the aspirant says “Isis is before me and Nephthys is behind me.” This is referring to the journey of the soul and its destiny that the two goddesses play a major role in. Nephthys is yesterday, the goddess who transitions the soul into the west and Isis is the goddess who tomorrow will re-birth the soul as the enlightened Horus.

To wrap this up and indulge in a little speculation, I'd like to return to the topic of the hippopotamus goddess Tauret and the meaning of her name as the great material lady. Presumably her spouse Set would be the great material man or male principle in matter. Set is the beastly male principle that instinctually rules this plane of material existence, especially if you look upon the power of the sun as the fatherly provider in this material world. It is these aspects of the Ka or life force that are most powerful in this realm. Why I find this fascinating is that as a consort of Tauret in the heavens I'd expect to find Set. He has been identified in the northern sky as a larger iteration of the constellation we call the Big Dipper. However I have reason to believe you can find him in the southern night sky as well. The great material man would be called Ta-ur and I think this bull came down to us as the the great bull in the sky - the constellation Taurus, and also of the half man and half beast of Cretan legend - the Minotaur. 

Theseus in the classic Horus the striker pose whacking the Minotaur

Let's take a look at the constellation of Taurus. In it is the seven sisters called the Pleiades, this group of seven being an allusion to the seven Hathors and their bull of the sky as Taurus. Bulls, Set, and Hathor all maintain a connection to the colour red. Matadors use a red muleta to symbolically inflame the passions of a bull; Set is the red beast; and the seven Hathors all wore red hair-ribbons. Taurus is shown charging at the constellation of Orion. 

Taurus as the Ka bull charging at Orion the Ba soul

Orion, who is the great Osiris of ancient Egypt, has to somehow overcome the anger and attack of this rampaging bull. All this is the story of the Ka and the Ba and how the Ka attacks the unprepared Ba at first sending him to his death in matter all torn asunder as Osiris is mythicized to be consigned to prior to his remembering by Isis.

I have a good idea I can find this ancient motif elsewhere in conjunction with the character of the benevolent lady of the temple enclosure and friend of the deceased, Nephthys, that I will explore in future blog posts.