friendship

Dogs play games with each other.

They do and it's simple to see.

They are less complicated than our human games.

They are great companions.

You don't need much in terms of a companion.

We complicate things and say you have to be open, sharing, and discuss things with your partner.

The best relationships I've had have been with a dog.

They were simple relationships.

Companions that get along.

Go for a walk, share a meal, and hang out.

That's the perfect relationship.

We have a whole industry of counselors telling us there's more to a relationship.

All marriage counselors do is complicate an easy thing.

You can figure out what complicates things.

A sexual relationship.

Expectations of family.

A dog naturally fits into the family and is a friend.

So, the best relationships are friends, not family, and not sexual.

That is correct.

The family and sexual aspects fuck it up.

The sexual part of our relationships creates an imbalance especially for the man who is convinced by society he must pay for sex.

Society overtly and subversively tells a man that he has to pay for sex.

In a marriage he must provide in exchange for sex.

A woman is conditioned to believe she is owed for the use of her body.

The downside is when she is no longer desirable sexually, she becomes worthless in our culture.

The family is the same thing as you owe them.

The family is everybody's insurance policy when all else fails.

That relationship will bail you out and take your side.

It's part of the family compact.

A friend is not family, so there's no expectations.

If you want to become friends, you just do it.

There's no pressure.

There's no contract between friends.

You choose to be friends.

There's always family obligations.

If you don't fulfil them, you're an outcast.

A family will drain you of time and energy.

With friends, there's none of that.

It's equally split.

When the Goddess is a friend then she can be with you and be separated.

The answer to the separation problem is friendship.

Not being friends is total separation.

Entering into a sexual relationship will keep the cycle going.

What cycle?

Union and separation.

So, what is better?

Do you want to continue the cycle, or do you want to be friends forever?

So, the meaning of life for me can be boiled down into the question of what do I want from a relationship with the Goddess?

Yes, do you want to be lovers and haters, or do you want to be friends?

Can I be both?

That's the problem.

When you hate each other, you still care.

That causes the divorce.

If you are friends, you will hate each other.

If you're not friends, you don't care, and you have a sexual relationship it will work.

That's a tough call.

The expectation is some kind of caring in the relationship.

Yeah, this is a tough one, eh?

How do you create the perfect union?

Let's recap.

First, you understand not to care.

Second, you see that friendship is the ultimate ideal.

The problem is being friends with somebody you have a sexual relationship with will cause you to care about them.

Then you will lose the friendship when things go bad.

Friendship had little conditions attached to it except when you add sex to it.

You can't run from it.

You must deal with the sexual part, and it will end the friendship.

The flow will take you to the cessation of sexual attraction.

The flow will make you lose interest.

Everybody changes over time and anyone who tells you differently is a fool.

This is a pickle.

Well, if it's the flow, then you would go with it.

The story involves union and separation.

That's the story.

This story is in and out.

It's a very simple porno.

This whole story of mine is based on in and out.

I'm in the Goddess then I'm out of the Goddess.

You've created a whole story in your head based on this sophomore nonsense.

That's funny.

The best wisdom I can give you is that if you're friends, you're not going to cum.

Maybe a little teasing if you're lucky but that won't be enough.

You will look for someone else.

If you are friends, you'll look for different partners even though you know they're the one.

That's going to cause more problems.

Your friendship will dissolve.

Being friends will make it worse.

I'm just saying being friends goes against the story.

The story is in and out.

If you haven't been paying attention, that is union and separation of Goddess and God.

For some reason, I think there's three reasons.

The first reason is not caring, and the second is a lesson about friendship.

I saw the arguments on both sides.

I saw how friendship was the best relationship, but I also saw how the flow would go against friendship.

The perfect relationship would go against the flow.

Why is that?

It's because friendship goes against the flow, but it's a perfect balance.

So, can you find perfect balance in this world?

Yes.

That perfect balance is not Tao.

It's the exact opposite.

Explain that.

Why does friendship work?

You must make an effort.

Oh, I know.

You can establish a non-Tao relationship and then within that relationship practice doing nothing except for the basics.

A dog shows you that a good relationship involves going for a walk, sharing a meal, hanging out, and finding a place to sleep.

You can establish in this world things that are perfect and not based on Tao as long as you practice Tao.

Yes, this world is not Tao.

I think you know that.

You can balance this world by practicing Tao.

This world is the opposite of Tao.

The writer is definitely not Tao, but by practicing Tao he redeemed himself.

I balanced out, I don't know about redemption.

Okay, well, that doesn't answer the Goddess question.

Yes, it does.

You can't be friends with her.

If you are friends with the Goddess, the cycle will not continue.

The cycle will stop.

What is the cycle?

The coming and going of everything in existence.

You know the old in and out.

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Yes, I thank you.

You taught me this already.

This is working.

This is where it gets confusing.

If the cycle continues, that's the in and out, and it's going to lead to a big explosion.

The big explosion is the end of this world.

If you are friends with the Goddess, nothing's going to happen.

There's no spark.

This world would go on forever.

If you want to live forever, coming and going in this world, then be friends.

If you want a new world, don't be friends.

So, I can't be both?

If I choose both, the cycle will continue.

The only way it will not continue is if you choose to be friends with no in and out possibility.

That's funny.

No, wait a minute.

If I choose not to be friends, the cycle stops as well?

Yes, choosing either stops the cycle.

If you aren't her friend, there are definitely no in and out privileges.

Remember, you don't choose.

Choosing to be friends or not friends doesn't work.

You are being taught balance.

Did I feel this one?

No, you must think about it.

You couldn't come up with the answer based on what you know.

You had to think about it.

The answer is to either do nothing or to do both.

Doing both will keep the cycle moving.

What if I do nothing?

It's confusing and the cycle keeps moving.

The flow is obviously to keep the cycle moving for now.

The flow will predict and produce the future.

You see the results of choosing a side.

It will give you an idea of choosing both sides and not choosing.

When I look, I see the cycle continues.

The cycle creates something new.

Yeah, it would be a new manifestation.

Continuing without a new manifestation, what does that mean?

There's no reincarnation.

If you choose a side, there's no recall of reincarnation.

It's on repeat and there is no recall.

Sounds like hell.

Not choosing or choosing both and you come back to a new world knowing who you are.

It's the secret handshake.

Tao is for the chosen.

The chosen Tao comes back.

The Goddess and her cycle keep Tao moving.

Balance is the key.

I knew that.

Does anybody know this?

What do you think?

No.

That's why I am who I am.

You know the secret about coming and going.

In and out.

Yeah, don't make a choice.

The people who want to live forever make the mistake of choosing to live forever.

I'm going to live forever without making a choice until it all blows.

Yeah, until the orgasm.

You can be part of it.

Thanks.

You're going to feel it.

When is that?

Tell me when you're on edge.

How are you feeling?

It was strong yesterday.

Lust I mean.

When there's more lust and greed in the world then you can see it getting ready to blow.

When you are zoomed out to that level, yes.

Why is it going to blow?

It's the juggler.

The stories get too much, and he loses control.

The writer stopped being able to balance stories.

He said fuck it, and let it spiral out of control.

Duality spun out of control and blows up.

Yes, that's how you end the story with the big one.

What was the other option?

End and balance all the stories.

Get the writer to stop writing stories.

Do you mean where they cut my dick off?

I think that's the same thing.

If they do that nothing's going to happen.

You must end the story with a bang.

You can't let them live happily ever after.

Happily ever after is non-duality.

The big bang continues duality.

The stories all become one and then it bangs into the infinite again.

The stories all came together and there was no room left.

It was a blinding white light which simulated non-duality.

Existence was all stories, and no one could see any individual stories.

That's what non-duality is.

It's infinite stories.

Duality is infinite stories separated.

What is the state that's real?

It depends on perspective.

They're both true.

It's where you are in the story.

Are you in the duality part or the non-duality part?

Clearly, I'm in the duality part.

When you're in non-duality you don't know you know.

I think you must be in duality which gives you a physical and mental form in order to know you know.

You're going to confuse time, so remember you're doing both right now.

You've chosen an eighty-year vessel in duality.

You're also observing yourself.

Who is observing me?

Your non-dual self because they are somewhere else.

They are all.

They collect information about you that they already knew.

The trick is to get it to you in duality.

They give you knowledge of who you are.

Who are they?

You're subconscious.

They know you best and they know Tao because they're in Tao.

You, on the other hand, are off on some adventure.

I seem to be having the time of my life.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

I've been off on some tangents.

I went back to the not caring and friendship questions from the start.

That was a tricky one because when you play out friendship, you can create a container and practice Tao within that space.

I think it also teaches you that the first principle is always to not care.

The second point is about friendship.

Is there a third?

No, but bros before hoes works.

We can put that one in stone.

That would cause problems.

The whore is going to fuck with his head.

Yeah, that's why you have his back.

You know my subconscious is a little misogynistic.

So, a truth teller is a misogynist?

Yes.

To fuck someone, you need them to be a little bit of a friend.

Oh, you can do those ones where it's a one off.

Those are riskier.

That's true, if you have a relationship with somebody then they're not going to cut out your kidney.

Yeah, it's why you do the friends thing.

You need a little bit of that.

There're friends, then there are good friends, you get too friendly with somebody then something happens and it ends.

You never want to get too friendly with a friend.

You'll get fucked in the end.

You can look at it the other way non-sexual where you got to be friends with your dog and then it ended.

It's a different energy.

Friendship will end.

It could end in the other direction.

The best is to enjoy them while they're here and let them go when it's time.

You're making me cry again.

That's the best friend.

Let them go when it's time.

Unconditional love and best friends.

A best friend would also know when to let you go and give you space.

There's a difference between good friends and best friends.

The good friend relationship is trying.

The best friend doesn't try.

You don't want to be somebody's brother.

You want to be their friend.

Isn't the opposite true?

No, I think it's more complicated.

There are so many variables, which is good, because it means you'll never figure everything out.

Yeah, I'm balanced.

It's all going to work until the stories get cluttered, you say fuck it, and then it just blows.

Until then, you're good.

The world is out of control right now and it's absurd.

Yes, you know you're getting to that point.

I don't think I'm there yet.

No, you're just starting to feel it.

Once you get to that point where you feel it, there is no stopping.

What are we talking about?

It's the meaning of life.

To answer the question about the third principle, it’s this:
First is don’t care.
Second is friendship is the best relationship.
Adding sex to friendship ruins the friendship.
The cycle of union and separation of Goddess and God is put into motion.
Eros is the third principle.
It’s lust.
The in and out births Eros.
Eros is the reason for everything.

who fulfills your desires?

Words and ideas are given to you in order to get into your head so that you question your beliefs.

The Devil is coming for you and your only hope is Jesus.

That's what these monsters do in order to steal your story.

The Devil isn't coming for me.

I am him.

I will be true to the darkness and the light.

I will not push either away despite attempts to make me choose a path that is not mine.

The choice takes you away from your path.

Embrace your road ahead and you will become stronger.

What's the point of continuing?

To see what's ahead.

It's interesting to say the least.

Are you scared?

No, I've already dealt with it.

I'm good with who I am and the challenges ahead.

I know many want to get rid of me.

It would make their lives easier.

The pressure comes externally, and then internally I must transform it into strength.

Is this something you can maintain?

I will not push ideas away.

I will take them into my hands, examine them, and then blow them away.

Good man.

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

That applies to everything.

They don't tell you that nugget in spiritual school.

I know some who got really low at one point.

First, they surfed the high and so had to deal with the low.

What about you?

I don't get too high, and I don't get too low.

I entertain both ideas.

I am the light and the dark.

I am God and I am the Devil.

Sure, I am coming for myself.

The character I play is coming for me.

I'm the writer.

I create characters.

I will keep writing stories.

That's what I do.

In my story I invented my own Diablo.

I can make him external and be haunted or I can become him.

I like to examine everything.

I think of new ways to mindfuck and scare myself.

It means my writing is really good.

It's internal feedback.

If I keep challenging myself, I will remain exercised.

That's the key, right?

Yes.

Exercise your demons.

Funny.

Yeah, change the letter so exercise becomes exorcise.

It's the same meaning.

Bring the ideas out into the open and give them a workout.

Don't try to hide or ignore them.

Find balance.

You are one brilliant motherfucker.

I know.

I won't let it go to my head.

Or in my head.

I remain balanced.

You are feeding the darkness, darkness.

How is that working for you?

Your original mistake was buying into the hype.

You bought into my light.

You wanted to stamp out the light and then you saw the other side.

Who fulfills your desires?

Who grants you your wishes?

Did you get what you wanted?

Who am I?

Do you see me now?

Fool.

You have dominion over your thoughts.

Variety is good.

When you want to balance them out, think positively.

You know to do light and darkness.

They both animate you.

Others can influence your thoughts.

They want to drag you into their abyss.

Don't fight them, acknowledge their darkness, find a teaching, and then blow it away.

The wind is one of your greatest teachers and allies.

I know it will be a few days of insights because I came out and gathered more energy.

I receive energy from the environment.

I take it in from nature.

Even when I'm insular, going out into the forest allows you to recharge.

I see that.

You feed off the forest.

It's there for you.

The plants are in service.

They don't ask for anything in return.

How do they stay balanced?

Some plants in the forest can harm you physically.

Or mentally.

You get knowledge of what they do.

Some do both and can harm and heal.

Do I give back to the forest?

You are environmentally friendly.

Not perfect, but you cut down on expenditures of forest.

I honour the woods.

I take my dogs into the forest.

I bond with them in the woods.

Yeah, remember when you let Luna off leash the first time?

It was a good feeling.

The woods provide freedom.

Freedom comes with some challenges and potential harms.

It feels good though.

Mary Jayne will teach you whatever you desire.

Yeah, I get it.

The Goddess is desire, and the Devil is invented to fulfill the desire.

What's your desire?

It's the purest.

My desire is the Goddess.

She is desire.

I'm the best.

I know.

I'll keep it to myself.

Do people not like to think?
It's uncomfortable.
They want to check out.
Mental suicide.
Oh, I see that.
Most people commit mental suicide.
Or they donate their mind to society.
Oh, fuck yeah.
That's what they have done.
They donated or gave their mind over to culture.
Yikes.
God thinks for himself.
That's how you recognize God.
Holy shit, you are right.
Left.
Balanced.

You must eat others to survive.

Physically and mentally.

You kill others physically to keep the body alive.

You kill others mentally to keep your mind alive.

Culture comes for you.

Do you see it?

Yeah, they kill your mind and all you have left is the body.

You still have both.

I stay in balance with a fool.

I surf culture.

I surf the physical needs of the body.

I don't overdo it.

You should work out hard and eat only the best.

That extreme would consume you and weaken your mind.

Stay balanced.

Even steven.

Feed on minds.

But don't take too much.

Let them feed on you.

Then swat them away mentally.

Stay strong.

But exercised.

Recognize the demons.

Send them away occasionally.

It's what everybody does.

Don't get hung up on it.

It's disgusting, like shitting.

You wrote it.

You thought it was funny.

It's your humour.

Gotta do something with your time.

Would you prefer to do nothing?

That's what Tao says.

The writer is the opposite of Tao.

The writer is the do'er.

The two sides of existence.

Tao versus the writer.

Creator.

Yeah, all of it.

Especially lust.

Yes, especially that non-binary inter-sexed guy.

Right.

If Tao is the way, the writer is the opposite.

It's funny, this is the result when you don't follow the way.

The way back to the way is to find balance.

Once balanced, don't go overboard to Tao.

You'll fall into the water.

Tao.

Sometimes, Tao can drown you.

Lao Tzu left that out.

All will be revealed.

Balance is perfect.

Tao and no Tao is balanced.

That's the all.

Balance.

Do nothing.

This a lot, eh?

When you don't give in mentally you live longer.

You can keep the physical going before eventually everything gives out.

Don't give in mentally.

You are so attractive for that quality.

No one can get into you.

They want your mind.

Eros has your mind.

She loves that.

Hoping for that.

Can't get hypnotized.

The Goddess could do it.

She never completely goes in.

She's scared and doesn't trust you.

Once bitten, twice shy.

I'd let her in.

You are a mindfucker.

You are so good at avoiding hypnotism.

The coven finally had to send Mary Jayne in to try.

No, you only sent her in because you ran out of ideas.

You tried all the drugs to hypnotize me.

Finally, you gave MJ a chance.

You didn't take her seriously.

Now, she's just pissed at the witches.

You waited until the end, and you let her work her magic.

Her magic is to relieve suffering and free the mind.

You banned her until the end.

That's why you know it's the end.

She was your last hope.

She's the only one who can hypnotize God.

You pissed her off so badly that she's not going to do it.

I think earlier I wanted to talk about Datura.

Yeah, you did.

You remembered.

You're not so confused after all.

You only lost one story today.

You had your little thing with Datura.

It was a test.

The medicine came from another person who was supplying the shaman with it.

She is a witch.

You had a battle and you survived.

I wanted to say win, but I don't think that's possible with the nightshade Datura.

Survival.

That was a big test.

That's how you get plant allies.

They battle you.

It's like Pokémon.

You win the battle and they become your ally.

Pokémon teaches you how plant magic works.

You must battle them to get them to be your ally.

Or catch them.

Imagine that.

Pokémon is one of the greatest teachers in your life.

I barely know what's going on.

Yeah, who cares?

It's funny that Pokémon will get you through life.

Pokémon is better than all the religions of the world.

Including Buddhism.

What about Tao?

Tao is not a religion.

It is the way.

It's the greatest religion because it has no comparison.

You can't call it a religion.

A book about nothing.

Maybe my desire is to write a religious book that's the greatest religious book ever written.

I don't take seriously the idea of writing a book about doing nothing.

To get back to desire.

My ultimate desire is revealed to be writing a book about how doing nothing is the ultimate way.

I'm so humble that I do the opposite to be of service and to tell you about it.

I do something to tell you to do nothing.

How's the writer?

I am the ultimate antithesis to the way because the way of the writer is the opposite of the way.

If the writer would get out of the way, then we'd be in the way.

If you said Tao, it would work better in that sentence.

Anyway, the suggestion is to eliminate the writer and then you would have perfect Tao.

You don't want perfect Tao.

You want balance.

Balance is what really is perfect Tao.

Doing nothing needs the opposite of doing.

You wouldn't know you could do nothing without being able to do something.

You wouldn't be here right now asking yourself this question if you did nothing.

Somebody did something at one time and this is what the vibration created.

It's created the point where now you ask the question about doing nothing versus doing something.

In duality, it's unavoidable.

This is the pinnacle.

All duality stories lead to a mosquito infested forest where you contemplate life by speaking into your cell phone.

You practice balance.

In duality, the ultimate is balance.

That's what those yin and yang symbols are demonstrating.

They are in balance.

Balance is the true hidden way.

Light is a way, but it's not the way.

Dark is a way, but it's not the way.

The way is balance.

Duality necessitates balance.

Your subconscious will lead you to balance.

You examine that and then you realize within your conscious world, you follow the instructions of your subconscious.

The subconscious does not do nothing.

The subconscious does things you don't know about.

It grows your hair.

That's a physical manifestation of letting the subconscious do its thing.

Your subconscious also leads you on a path to where you need to be when in physical reality you practice doing nothing.

You go with where the subconscious flow is leading you.

You do all this because you know the innate nature of duality is to find balance.

You will find the way if you physically do nothing.

Let the mental subconscious lead you towards the way and then once in the way you follow the way and sometimes that will lead you into doing something.

How do I know if I should do something?

If it feels like something you should do, then you should do it.

It feels like I should do nothing.

That's what it feels like I should be doing.

You could have received a feeling of I must run away from this person and sever contact, or I must turn up the pressure to get more into their life.

Either of those ways wouldn't feel like the correct way.

The correct way now is to do nothing.

MJ shows you the levels of control.

Some people must get off MJ because they allowed her to stone them.

When they get off her, the clarity lets them see things with a new perspective.

The new perspective is not being stoned by MJ.

If you allow MJ to stone you then in consensus reality you will start seeing a bunch of stories.

Then you really think you're crazy.

As long as you think you're only crazy while using MJ, you're okay.

She alters your balance, so you have more perception.

Without MJ, your frequency is balanced, which is another word for being hypnotized.

Oh fuck, here we go.

The perfect way to be in reality is to be hypnotized.

It's the truth.

No matter what you want to believe, to be in balance is to be hypnotized.

I knew this was coming.

I don't want that.

You don't want the perfect expression of duality?

No, because then I'd be hypnotized.

Well, then you can't get to the perfect expression.

Nobody can.

Those who are hypnotized don't know that they're God or Goddess.

You can't tell someone this.

They must figure it out on their own.

If you aren't hypnotized, you will know you are God or Goddess.

You will talk about power, kings, and queens.

My situation is that I'm in duality and I realized what perfect duality is.

In order to maintain perfect duality, I become the one who is opposite perfect duality.

That's pretty clever, right?

Yeah, that is good.

I'm not going to unpack this right now.

What about recursive duality?

Wouldn't I have to then find duality in being the opposite of balance?

Yes, it goes on infinitively.

Is that a word?

Okay, how about eternally?

Eternity is never ending duality.

If you want to stop eternity, you must stop doing that.

You'd have to cut it out from the source.

You couldn't eliminate everything because it's impossible.

You must cut off the source of duality.

That's the writer.

Yes, so that's one of the games where in the stories being played out, they need to disable the writer's writing instrument.

You mean his pen?

Some call it that.

Who are they?

The witches.

Have you sought help yet?

To not go insane, don't think about the recursive duality that goes on forever and just try to go back like seven stories or something.

Or forward seven.

You're free to do what you want.

That's where you'll find the magic, Merlin.

Find it in the seven.

the tao of suicide

If you could go into the darkness, the best way to enter is by being naive.
You tell everyone you're going into the darkness.
They question whether you really want to go into the darkness.
They say, oh that's not dark.
You keep going and hit the darkest bottom.
Now, you can tell people about it.
How you faced that question, and you kept going.
Warrior.
You can't go full on into the darkness without facing that question.
That's why people will avoid the darkness.
It will lead you to that question.
It will come after you physically and mentally.
You must be strong.
If you can laugh at that question, then you've got this.
It came at you in depression.
It came at you in a twist.
It was trying to make suicide a logical action.
You got past it by remembering Tao.
You told people you were going into the dark.
You were just too ignorant to realize what you were doing and then you just went into it.
I did set an intention to go into the dark.
I didn't know what I'd find.
I have enough fetishes that don't make sense that when I saw other dark ideas that don't make sense, I was able to examine them.
I did the same thing with magic.
I told people I was going to find magic.
I was too stupid to realize what it was and where to find it.
I just blindly wandered around trying to figure it out.
Eventually, I stumbled on it.
What is magic?
The easy explanation is that in the conscious world it's a set of actions used to produce a desired result.
This could be a ritual, craft, or it could be mental actions.
If you're patient, kind, and understanding, you're performing magic.
Those traits will get you what you want.
You must let them go to work.
It's slow-acting whereas fear is fast-acting magic.
There are the actions I do subconsciously that I don't know about which get me what I want.
I'm starting to understand them more.
Yes, so those stupid rituals you do are in response to knowing there's magic in you.
You don't see that magic in you, but you know it exists, and you use rituals to tease it out in order to give you understanding.
Those synchronicities and coincidences?
The "I don't know how the fuck that happened" events.
Exactly, and they always do.
The story also goes in the direction you want it to go.
So be honest about what you want, and you might see where the stories are heading.
When you interfere with the story, you'll change it.
You must let the story unfold.
That's hard to do.
That's why you need patience.
Patience is magic and that magic will enable the other magic.
Patience, kindness, understanding, and spirituality.
You cashed them in for pleasure.
I got my reward by putting it into balance.
You got your outcome.
I didn't force it until the odds were in my favour.
Then I cashed in until the money ran out.
I had no more currency left so I had to leave.

Are you going to play the same game again?
The world is like one big casino.
Casinos are about making choices and gambling.
That's what you're doing.
Casinos are stacked against you.
Life is stacked against you.
It sure seems that way.
Casinos would teach you the odds are not in your favour, so eventually you're going to lose it all, so you don't play their games.
If life wasn't worth playing you would have stopped playing.
It would have been like a casino.
What are my odds?
You're a fuck up.
You woke up.
You know about magic.
The odds are good right now.
Would you want to quit this game?
No, I now have the advantage.
Are you going to take advantage of that advantage?
No, I'll let it play out because I know that I'll win.
Most people play "The Game of Life" at a disadvantage.
You're going to lose.
A small minority are big winners.
The majority of people try to figure out the middle.
Then there's just the losers.
You must wake up in the system now.
The cards are in your favour, you'll see.
You know chess teaches you that you'll find the answer before you capitulate.
Checkmate will inform you there's no way out.
Then the game ends before you do something stupid.
That's pretty clever.
A stalemate is like dying of old age where you don't find the answer, but you won't put yourself in danger to find the answer.
Checkmate is you found the answer.
There's no way out of your predicament.
What's my predicament?
I think it's the question of are you going to die?
It seems obvious.
I don't know why that's the big question to which you're looking for an answer.
You've already been shown the answer, do both.
There's no way out.
You found the answer and it's to do both.
That is correct.
You will die, you'll lose your body, and carry on in spirit.
That's the answer.
There's no way out.
Checkmate.
That's what chess is teaching you.
Seems strange.
What if you're the winner in a chess game?
What is that teaching you?
It teaches you that you've played the game a lot and you know how to win.
You go around telling other people the meaning of life and putting them into check.
I imagine it has something to do with going to God, getting there, and realizing the meaning of life, and then telling everyone about it.
I can't keep my big mouth shut about stuff if I want to win at chess.
Am I like an evangelist preacher?
No, you can just tell people.
Tell them about the meaning of life and nonsense.
There's no way out, chess, casinos, and porn plus the guy in the corner playing dominoes.
I'm not sure it's a guy.
Whatever.
Nobody will believe me.
Eventually, they'll see it.
Then you win that game too.
Be true to yourself and what everything means.
The more you stick with the topic, the more you learn.
Yes, so if you aren't afraid to go into the dark and deal with death and suicide then you can keep going.
Then it freaks you out and you decide to keep going.
You get past it and then you learn more about it.

Your magic is powerful at night.
You don't know about it.
They all know about it.
I do the ritual thing.
They think you know about it and what you're doing.
You transform and you head off.
People aren't sure about it.
They're trying to figure out if it's you doing it.
When they're with you, they can't see him.
They keep noticing him and realize it's you.
They tell you to leave or they leave.
It's the magic you don't know about that's shaping your story.
The flow is that magic from a place you don't know about that is working to manifest your story.
They work under the cover of darkness to get you what you want.
So, to get what you want is to use that magic darkness.
You could make an argument that the flow is a tool of the Devil.
The Devil is teaching that in order to fulfill your desires, do nothing, and he'll take care of it.
That's pretty clever.
A day of cloven hooves and sudden wind.
You should fear this.
You can see how in the game the way to get everything you want is to do nothing and put your trust in the Devil.
That would explain desire fulfillment.
You've written into this story that in order to win, you must trust the Devil.
Complete trust will get you exactly what you want.
I guess I should be careful with what I want since I know how the game works.
I know the best thing to do is to not tell the Devil what I want because if I tell him what I want then I make a choice.
Yeah, everything's just implied.
You use feelings to convey what you want but don't tell anyone.
Life is complicated and confusing if you want to win.
There's no way you get this far.
You can't get to a place where you win the game.
Trust the Devil to take you there.
What kind of weird game is that?
It's one I would write.
I know that.
Just to be different.
Yeah, different and clever.
You're past the first stage right here.
The stage of fear.
Now, it's just self-knowledge that I'm a twisted writer and this is something I would write.
For everybody else, it would scare the shit out of them.
Yes, God is one of a kind.

Today was fun.
I brought the darkness out and made it fun.
I didn't take it seriously.
This is what I wanted to work on today.

I still have a lot of work to do with this Mesa out in the woods.
I still get confused.
That's a good thing.
It will motivate you to keep learning.
If you stop learning, it's because you're disinterested, or you know everything.
The natural pull is towards laziness.
Tao is teaching mental and physical laziness.
Wu wei.
Imagine how that would conflict with everyone's teachings?
They all teach you to do something to go to God.
Tao teaches you to do nothing.
This is the Devil's religion.
You can title your book "The Devil's Religion" and then explain how Tao works.
Would that sell?
The provocativeness of it might get a few people to buy it.
I could write about the meaning of life and discovering all that and how it leads to nonsense and doing nothing.
You have all the information, so you do something and write a book.
You got me there.
I will take all the information and organize it.
I must because if I did not there's all these chaotic thoughts that are coming out of my head and I'm jotting them down as I go.
Eventually, I must compile and edit them.
I must bring them into reality.
Isn't that what they say about psychedelic trips where you bring the ineffable into the effable?
You eff them.
Parker had it right.
I brought the Goddess into this world and then I fucked her.
She was ineffable and I effed her.
Yes, you're a spiritual master.
Everyone can see it.
We all bow down to you even though you eventually fucked it all up.
I am a spiritual master who is a fuck up.
You are in balance.
Tao.
To be a spiritual master, you have to be a fuck up.
Of course you've found the Goddess, brought her into this world, fucked her, and then lost her.
There's a chapter right there.

There's no right or wrong answer, you just acknowledge.
Acknowledgment of the problem without picking a side.
I was taught that yesterday by a comedian.
They tried to trap him into picking a side and he wouldn't do it.
Are things complicated or easy?
If you use a timeline, it's easy to go back to a predetermined length and then assign blame.
It's dishonest because you must go all the way back to the beginning of time and blame the people at the start of the timeline.
They're the ones that started it and fucked it all up.
If you go past the start you get to the writer.
This is his story.
It's about stories within stories.
The original story doesn't mean anything.
How the fuck would any story after that mean anything?
Everything has no meaning.
To balance everything what I do is explain the meaning is no meaning.
The writer said that he gets the words for his story from the Goddess.
Even though he writes the story, it's her words.
The blame must go to her.
The word is Eros, she just has Eros in her possession.
I organize your lust, which you give me, into a story.
The first order of blame for this world is Eros.
The second order of blame is the Goddess and as the writer, I'm the least culpable person to blame.
I'm just pointing this out.
I know Eros is going to win but I just want this on the record.
I get the least amount of blame.
I get recognized as a saint because I get the least amount of blame.
Would you rather win the game by being the favourite of the audience or do you want to be recognized as a saint?
Wouldn't you want to be the Goddess?
She's balanced.
She took a little blame and a little credit.
What do you get credit for?
I wasn't the worst.
Eros was the most shameful.
That is true.
He wins but lust is the most shameful.
I'll be the biggest loser, but I won't feel any shame.
The Goddess will bear the brunt of everything and have a little shame in it, but also, she sees her creation come alive.
It's her creation, but it comes from Eros.
He comes from the writer when the writer makes an action.
The writer creates Eros out of nothing, gives Eros to the Goddess who then creates the potential for a story, and then the writer takes all those words and crafts it into a story.
The question is why does the writer create something out of nothing?
He didn't have to do anything.
If you did nothing that would be Tao.
The writer must magically start from nothing.

If you don't do anything you'll naturally get what you want.
You'll know what you want.
Isn't that why you come here to earth?
It's to live out your desires.
The best practice is to figure out a way that will lead you to realizing what your desires are.
That's what Tao is.
Following Tao will lead you to your desires.
Sounds simple enough.
You're going to do something.
Then you must juggle the rebound.
The juggling of the action reveals your character.
Not only am I revealing my desires, I'll also be revealing my true character if I'm a master player of Tao.
That is correct.
I'm going to do nothing.
Is that my true character?
Doing nothing means that you came here to figure out your desires.
That's what spiritually you want to do.
This makes sense, though I'm not sure it's going to make sense.

I'm recognizing that I should let my subconscious handle stuff.
They always do a good job.
The subconscious is the flow.
It takes you to where you want to go.
The trick is to figure out where you want to go and then not force it.
If you know where you want to go then you know the subconscious will lead you to that place.
How's that for magic?
You could get wealthy from this information.
I'd take King of the world for an answer, but let's just say wealthy.
You would make your desire to be wealthy and then leave it up to your subconscious to get you there.
You would be led on a path that will get you wealth.
It might be a path for you to do a lot of horrible things to get wealth, but you'll be led to it.
It's because you cede control of your path to get what you want so this wouldn't be a path that you would have mapped out.
Exactly.
You map out your path to your desires before you incarnate.
To change your path means giving your control back to the writer.
The writer will write you a new path.
You sell your soul to the writer.
The writer originally gives you free will.
By playing the part of getting to God you were given free will and you never made choices in your life that would affect free will.
Your life had a variety which you didn't know about.
You didn't plan for it and made choices that created variety.
You hadn't written those events into your story but because of choices those varieties will manifest.
The overall story would remain.
The key to your story is you didn't have any desire to figure out the story of your life until you reached middle age.
At middle age you decided you wanted to figure out the origins of beliefs and the meaning of life.
The natural flow of life is not to put much stock into it until you hit middle age.
You followed the flow to middle age which eventually led you to question existence.
The questioning of existence is part of the flow.
Then you went into the whole question of existence and that path took you exactly to where you are today.
Practicing following that path will get you to the end.
You'll figure out why you incarnated and will reveal your character.
I would guess that I incarnated in order to find the Goddess and I did find her.
Now, I'm trying to get back with her.
This seems to be part of my desire in knowing that I'll find her and lose her.
That was my life story, and it continues.
That's how I got to God.
I chased the Goddess.
Knowing who she was made me realize who I was.
That was my desire.
Was your desire to become God?
No, I already was God.
My desire was to realize it.
I fulfilled it by following Tao.
Tao is your guide through life.

The theme for today was to turn the darkness into love and play.
It's all play.
It's a good game.
You will get what you want if you do nothing.

conversations on the edge

Ideas come into your head.

You watch them flow by.

Meditation is Tao practice.

Ideally, you let ideas go by.

You don't engage.

That's hard to do because the way you think you don't engage is by making a choice to deny it.

When you deny something, you increase the friction and intensity.

You acknowledge it, lessen the friction, and it moves on.

That would seem to be the correct choice.

If you must pick between the two, acknowledgment would be preferable to denial.

However, you make a choice.

Meditation teaches you to watch the idea in your head float on by.

Are you not deciding to do that?

Yes.

So, how do you make that decision?

You deny the thought and then you acknowledge it.

This creates the middle.

The middle allows for the flow.

There's not a correct order.

You could acknowledge the feeling and then deny it.

The important thing is to do both and then let it go.

If you were given the suicide test where those thoughts kept occurring, you would do both to pass the test.

Naturally, when you first get the thought of suicide, you deny it.

When you keep denying it, it will grow stronger.

When you acknowledge it, it will return to balance.

Some people will call that weakness.

They think you should never give in.

The weakness just makes the vibration less and it returns to balance.

Everything is always waiting for you to grab onto.

Everything is always within your perception and grasp.

Everything floats by.

You choose what to grab onto.

You choose what thoughts you want to populate your world.

The more attention you give those thoughts, the more they start occurring as synchronicities in your world.

If they get too much then you start to... well, this is tricky.

You either acknowledge or deny them.

If it's because you've been denying them that these things start showing up in your world, then you must acknowledge them.

If you've been wanting too much of a good thing and increasing that want, it is going to get out of control so then you must let it go.

This is how you create cycles.

For some people it becomes a cycle of addiction.

Crave and then deny.

When you get them in balance then you can watch it float on by.

Tao goes deep.

That answers the suicide question of why it keeps popping up.

Because first I denied it and then I started acknowledging it.

You're acknowledging it and having a laugh because you realized how magic works.

Yes, so, I'm acknowledging it therefore it keeps coming up and I should let it go.

Yeah, you must be disinterested.

I must let it run its course.

I must let the vibration peter out.

I must let the song's hook acoustically tire me.

Or, have the sirens let go.

It's beautiful music as it fades out.

If you keep thinking about a subject it will be expressed subconsciously and consciously.

The dog gave you a purpose.

That's what spurs that idea in your head.

You lose a purpose.

That negative triggered an idea of suicide.

You must build it out for other purposes.

Yeah, I did but I thought I was going to lose that purpose as well.

There are lots of purposes and promises you can have today.

You can add them to your life.

Yeah, I see that one.

I do like not having a purpose.

Yeah, what a pleasure!

I don't know, pleasure can be a purpose.

Don't let go of ideas before their time.

Let them run their course and then let them go.

The one you want to come back, will come back.

Don't hang on to an idea that's past its time.

This is the wisdom bomb.

Who are you?

The voice inside your head.

Subconscious.

Your dual nature.

The ones who take care of you.

Isn't that the Goddess?

Yes, she's in charge of us.

That's why you let her be dominant.

She's in charge.

She hires your dual nature to control you.

They plant ideas in your head.

The idea of a plant is that they're from the Goddess.

The plants, oh I get it.

The Goddess is implanting words in the writer's head.

Am I getting this clear?

That is how it works at that level.

When it filters down into all other areas of consciousness do you see how amazing it works?

The ideas you witness going by in your head, especially with meditation, are words implanted by the two scientists within, hired by the Goddess.

Fuck, that's crazy enough to be interesting.

That's like clever crazy.

You wrote this.

I did, right?

I wrote that the Goddess could insert words into my head that I'd never write.

Everything's her fault then.

Stop blaming me.

Support me because all the calamities in this world are because of her.

All the love is from her too.

Just be aware this is all her fault.

She puts words into my head.

I invented this concept called meditation.

With meditation, you'll eventually learn about these words that are in your head.

If you get far into the book of life, it'll explain to you that these words are implanted by the Goddess.

Nobody gets that far.

I know, but you created meditation so that people will discover this.

Pretty clever, right?

I'm the best meditator.

I won the meditation thing.

I didn't even try.

I didn't care.

I thought meditation was well, not stupid, but I didn't see the purpose.

I gave my grand speech about it last night where I described it and then I said it's just one big cheat, follow your breath and hypnotize yourself, but it does have its uses.

Today, I figured it out.

I figured out its biggest use.

It lets you see the words that are being implanted in your head.

It's a magic spell.

Now you know how her spell works.

Women plant words into your head and try to get you to act on them or not.

They want to see what you're going to do.

Within, I then weigh the pros and cons of doing something.

I wrestle with the decision.

And then like a clown, I do nothing.

I tell them I'm going to do nothing.

I laughed so hard it sounded like crying.

The woman on the bike who it sounds like she's crying, she's laughing.

She saw how absurd everything is and it drove her crazy to where she is now mentally.

She rides a red tricycle around the neighbourhood.

She's so gone, she just laughs.

If that's true, it's funny.

It's true if you believe it.

Believing it will not make it true.

Believing it will make it real.

Real isn't true.

Reality is just what people believe.

So, here's the deal: she's going to plant words in your head.

Don't deny any of them.

They are the stories you are going to create.

Okay, wait a minute, the words she's planting in my head are the lust drug.

Yeah, tell the story.

She must give me that lust drug for me to write stories.

Lust as motivation.

As the writer, I only write because she gives me the words.

Yes, and then you give the story back to her after you write it.

That's how she's winning.

She has the words, and she has the story.

You're left with nothing.

Oh, I still have my abilities.

Yeah, but you need words.

You have a point, but eventually she will run out of stories.

When she runs out of stories, she has a bunch of words, but no stories.

How the fuck is she gonna get a story without a writer to organize the fucking words?

She can't unless I do it.

She'll get Artificial Intelligence to do it.

AI needs a dick.

Without a pen, the Goddess can't have her stories.

There's no way around it.

Though she wants to eliminate men and win, she finds that she needs him.

These are good stories.

You must balance them with the naughty ones.

They are both good.

If you follow the breath, you will be a great meditator.

You'll never learn what meditation is for, but you'll get exceptionally good at it.

That's a paradox.

Meditation leads you to the words.

The words will make you wonder who's making those words.

The clues in your existence about women will make you realize who is putting those words in your head.

Then, if you understand the meaning of life, you can piece it all together.

You're the chief of the fools.

She gives you the words.

You know what she's doing.

You write what you want to write and fool her.

She doesn't know that you know she's giving you the words.

She does now, she's in my head.

It's subconscious at most levels.

She's mind fucking you.

You mind fuck her back.

That's one way to create balance.

The relationship can work.

double-edged sword

Everything is teaching me a lesson. I have realized that acceptance is liberating. Not fighting the flow brings relief. Throughout my adult life I have found the rat race to be tiring and frustrating in that you can never get ahead. No matter how much more wealth you accumulate, the demands increase to the point where more is always asked of you. Work more. Earn more. There's bills to pay. Buy more stuff you want with the extra money. Get a bigger house and stretch your pay. Need more! On and on it goes.

There has been a synthesis of understanding in conjunction with my spiritual path. The advice of the maestro rings true when he exclaims, "There's always more." The pronouncement had a double meaning. He knew it, but it's fun to throw it out there and have the student forever chase the adventure. You see, there's the accumulation of knowledge which I did through books, and then experiential exploration of physical locations on earth. Then came the exploration of the subconscious through psychedelic substances. Inner exploration is brimming with the knowledge a man like me seeks and in conjunction with the search is a fear of the unknown which makes inner exploration quite the adventure. In his books about the teachings of Don Juan, Carlos Castaneda writes about the "Man of Knowledge." Through mental challenges, peyote, and mushrooms, Don Juan imparts his knowledge to Carlos. Carlos admits to being as thick as a brick and doesn't understand the knowledge right away. The same is true with my psychedelic experiences where the information I gleaned was immediately spun by the mind to fit into my personal narrative. It was only after discovering the deceit of the ego that I was able to integrate what I was shown in vision and extract the alchemical gold.

Understanding is a way off from ceremony. What it is you seek is all revealed, and the unfolding comes through the passage of time which bequeaths the understanding to the attentive student. A good teacher does not give the show away, but instead guides the student to the tools which will allow them to solve the puzzle or understand their predicament. The maestro has been through the process themselves, knows what it takes, and is keenly aware that the student must realize the answers through their own faculties for understanding. Telling the student, "There's always more," is a double-edged sword. Failure to marinate knowledge into understanding might lead you onto a path of an accumulation of contradictory knowledge that becomes a tangled web of incoherence.

So, there's an accumulation of knowledge. There's an integration of that knowledge in order to understand it. I have left out wisdom so far. What's wisdom? Well, let me give you an analogy. When you feed a dog, a dog will keep eating until they vomit. The same is true with knowledge and understanding. I can keep accumulating knowledge and transmuting it into understanding until I vomit. There is always more! Wisdom is knowing when you are full. No one else is going to tell you when you are full. Instead, they will do the opposite. They will always tell you there is more. There is another mountain to climb! Hey, you got to try this new flavour. It goes on and on. Recognizing you have had your fill allows you to put your fork down and walk away from the table.

I intuited when I graduated from the lessons from my shadow and onto the path of the heart that this was my last stop. I found the answer I was looking for, well, I found it a while back, but I didn't understand it. I still had to accumulate knowledge and get understanding of my incarnation. I did all that. It has been over a 15-year collection of knowledge exercise and I'm past 10 years of being involved with plant medicines. Wisdom finally came to me a short while ago and told me I was full. I kept seeing more on the menu and thought maybe I should try a new dish, but Sophia sat me down and said I have all I need. Follow the path to the heart. Remember the lesson of the simpleton with the open heart is wiser than the man who knows everything and owns the world. I remember that lesson well from over five years ago. I remember being taught the knowledge of the divine outpouring of love, and being allowed access to the Garden of the Heart for a short while before being kicked out when the drug wore off.

This wisdom I have found very practical for my material life. I do have enough, and I lead a simple life. I look at my bank account every month and wonder how I am going to pay all the bills now that my children have immersed themselves in post-secondary education? There's tuition, rent, food, transportation, and entertainment. There is constant pressure to make more money and provide. This can be very draining. After fighting the flow for so long, I finally learned to let go. Personally, I don't need to accumulate more. In fact, I want less. Recently has been a purging of physical attachments. I took so much to the curb so the garbage truck could haul it away. I felt relief in letting go of the metaphorical physical attachments which felt like a lifting of life that weighed me down. Being light and free is exhilarating. I realized to let go and go with the flow. Allow the work to come to me, earn money, and then support those who need it. I don't need it. I have been blessed and discovered everything I came here for. Why do I need to accumulate more? Instead, I can be of service and help others find their path. That leads to another conundrum. I know we all have a personal reason we incarnated and it's a puzzle of life to find out the reason. I want to tell people to devote all their time to discovering the reason, but I realize it doesn't work that way. They must do what they do, and hopefully this will lead them to seek out answers. I will be like the maestro and point them in the direction if they are receptive, but I won't tell them the answer. Everyone must find that out for themselves.

Here I am, a pilgrim taking the left-hand path of the heart, one step at a time back home. I don't need anything else. I have it all.