ticketmaster

If you don't go mad, you will find happiness.

How does that work?

Whatever was designed to drive you crazy didn't work.

How do you get past it?

Ignoring, not caring, and doing nothing.

All of it.

Then you are happy.

Allies and protection you have cultivated.

How?

You respect the plants and don't take them seriously.

I thought they wanted seriousness?

Who told you that?

A bunch of people on the path.

They said it was work and not play.

I think that was to encourage you to integrate the experience as opposed to thinking it is just a trip.

A mindfuck trip and you are done.

Most people take drugs because they want to be entertained.

Blow their mind.

It's the same reason you'd go to a theme park or a sporting event.

Theatre.

You got it.

Drugs are entertainment.

We are drawn to pleasure and entertainment.

Friday nights are for Netflix and chill.

Get your favourite foods, drinks, and indulge.

You can get that with drugs if you want and enter into another reality.

That's why some people love reading.

They get lost in the story.

It's the same thing with drugs.

So, I'm not unique?

Yeah, you are.

How so?

You don't find them pleasurable in a physical sense.

You mean Mary Jayne?

Yeah.

I can get a rush of lust, which is nice.

The other purported effects of bliss, stoning, appetite, and amusement aren't as much.

Why is that?

I think it's my shamanic training.

You were trained?

No, I experienced altered states.

I didn't get much training.

I went to the deep end and was tossed in the pool.

I had to learn to swim.

You think that is the best way?

No, but it was for me.

How do you know?

It worked.

There are gateway drugs, so you get your feet wet before you try the heavier ones.

I didn't do that.

I flew to Peru and trekked into the Amazon jungle.

I then drank a couple cups of Ayahuasca and went on a journey.

I wasn't prepared at all.

They give you a diet and sexual restrictions to follow so that you will take it seriously.

Did you do that?

For the most part I did.

Pre and post.

So, were you serious about it?

I think so.

Why?

I was trying to figure it out.

I didn't know what it meant other than that I'd meet these spirits.

Mostly the spirits were the Goddess, and this dark figure I had trouble identifying.

He sometimes said he was God.

Sometimes, he said he was the Devil.

I didn't know what to think at times.

I ran from him.

I engaged him.

All in all, those were the two main characters.

In retrospect, I see it.

The Goddess and Dion.

Same thing with Magic Mushrooms where there were those two as well.

Then with Mary Jayne I'd get the same, but the experience with MJ solidified my identification of Dion.

I was never unsure of the Goddess; however, my shadow's identity was always slippery.

I had mostly figured him out with Ayahuasca and Huachuma, but I had lingering doubts.

My experiences with MJ allowed me to fully understand him.

Do you think you fully understand him?

As much as I need to.

I think it works both ways.

How so?

He's not omnipotent and struggled to understand me as well.

Why?

I'm unique.

No one understands me.

They try.

They can only get so far before they get scared.

Why is that?

The darkness.

It scares you, imagine someone else?

Yeah, they'd run.

Get the fuck out.

What do I do?

Nothing.

Maybe say their name.

Yeah, that's a brilliant move.

You did that to me.

It's incredible in its efficacy.

You do nothing.

If you did something, the trick would fall apart.

Do you remember what happened?

Yeah, you said my name and I ran.

Then my mind did the rest.

I was my own worst enemy.

You didn't do anything.

That's brilliant.

That is the world's best magician at play.

You manifest and say hi.

It scares the fuck out of people and they run.

Especially if they do drugs.

All the people you meet who are habitual drug users you easily get in their heads and scare.

Some recover.

Why?

You do no harm.

They realize it after a while.

Other people aren't so sure.

That's why people tell you that you are in their dreams.

If you try to forcefully get in someone's head, they can defend the goal.

If you casually wander in the unlocked door, they can't stop you.

Drug use opens a port and makes you vulnerable.

A networking analogy.

Yeah, it works.

Take drugs and you need a software patch for the vulnerabilities.

Is there one?

No.

When others fuck with you, they get smacked down.

Why is that?

They try to force their way in.

Sure, but you leave the front door unlocked

Correct, I invite in the attackers.

Why would you do that?

It is easier to control them.

Why?

You see them right away if they walk in the front door.

It is a trap.

How so?

They can't resist.

If they would go in through the side door that has been left open by drug use, they would not be detected, however, everyone will try the front door first.

Why?

Human nature.

It's the flow.

Least resistance.

See if you can get in the front door.

You let them in.

You identify them and send them on their way.

You have the capacity to deal with them.

Okay, that's cool, but that means your method of getting into people's heads is not the flow.

That is correct.

I thought you were supposed to follow the flow?

Well, you are seeking balance.

Everyone is coming in the front door, so you go to the side door for balance.

Yes, that's what I do.

Everyone locks the front door.

The sequence is a knock at the front door.

You are let in or denied.

You go to the side door and look for a way in.

If you find an unlocked entry, you enter, if not, you move on.

Who gets let in the front door?

Those you want to play with.

Oh, okay I see it.

That's interest and attraction.

So, you say you skip that part?

Sometimes.

It's random.

You do both, don't you?

Yeah, Paul knocks on the front door and Dion goes to the side door.

There are two streams.

Do you now see how it is different?

Yeah, people act in a unified psychic field and go to one door at a time.

You are dual and knock at the front and side door at the same time.

Well, you don't knock at the side door.

You see if it is unlocked.

If it is, you enter.

How are you not detected?

Paul is distracting them at the front door.

Ah.

Isn't this unethical?

Why?

You are uninvited.

The door is unlocked.

That is the invitation.

They took drugs and unlocked the side door.

You should be aware of that.

That's not taught.

It kind of is.

You are warned about it.

When you take plant medicines such as Ayahuasca or Huachuma, you are told about the probability you will meet what you perceive as light and dark spirits in your travels.

Some people will tell you how to dismiss the dark spirits and thoughts.

Yes, that's spiritual bypassing.

People use that term all the time.

I never got what it meant.

Love and light, baby!

Those people are intolerable.

One dimensional.

I never understood spiritual materialism either.

What is that?

Beats me.

What do you think it is before you look it up?

I'd guess it means embodying your new found holiness and not doing any integration.

That's pretty close.

It means collecting spiritual experiences to boost your ego as opposed to transcendence of the ego.

You mean practices such as yoga, meditation, and acquiring knowledge to inflate oneself as spiritual.

Yeah, that's good.

Do you do that?

I keep to myself.

If anything, I'm more weird and creepy as a result of my spiritual path.

I wouldn't even call it spiritual anymore.

I did at first, before I understood it.

Do you practice yoga or meditation?

No.

Why not?

They seem like achievement markers, so you can assure yourself that you are spiritual and enlightened.

Do you think you are enlightened?

I'm awake.

Two times.

I see a carnival and the Goddess of the West.

The Goddess of the West comes to take you home.

Home as in death of the body.

Yes, the carnival is her illusion, and she decides when you leave.

If you wish to say I'm enlightened, then my definition of enlightenment becomes awakening twice and seeing the ticketmaster who tells you to leave her amusement park.

No one will believe you.

I know.

What were we talking about?

Seriousness and whether you should take the plant medicine path seriously.

That's a test.

Why?

Because you should and then when you get to the resolution of the journey, you drop the seriousness.

That's clever.

Yeah, you gotta do the work.

Then you must know when to stop taking it seriously.

When is that?

It's obvious, you see the carnival.

Why would you enter a carnival and take it seriously?

It's supposed to be fun.

What happens if you take the carnival seriously?

The same thing that happens to everyone.

The Goddess tells you to leave.

Why?

You're a killjoy.

You are going to tell everyone about her carnival.

Isn't that what you are doing?

Yes.

She wants me to leave.

Why are you still here?

I don't take it seriously.

It's fun.

So, you are awake and having fun?

Correct.

If you awaken, see the carnival, and take it seriously, you are cooked.

Why?

You'll run.

Don't run.

Laugh.

You can choose what reality to live within.

It's easy to adapt your beliefs into this reality.

Other people will think you are crazy.

It's because we accept consensus reality.

That's what grounds us all.

There's a consensus narrative we follow.

That's why reality is shared.

We have all tuned our dial to that frequency.

Ah, I see it.

Yeah, so you take control of your dial and tune into another band.

That's a good metaphor to explain mind states.

Ram Dass would talk about changing channels.

This is similar.

He never told you what those other channels were.

Yes, because he was a Harvard psychologist.

What do you mean by that?

He knew the human mind couldn't handle the other states of reality.

Research all pointed towards people going crazy.

He was doing it.

He went a little crazy; however, because he was aware, he was able to come back.

Why didn't he teach that?

It's not ethical.

You'd be responsible for the dropouts.

The ones who permanently exit would be on your conscience.

It's best not to teach it.

What's in these alternate realities?

Different stories.

You can make them fit into consensus reality if you wish.

You might have to bend and twist them, but they will fit.

How does that work?

It's the same energy.

The amount of paint is the same.

You paint a different picture using the same paint.

Another sharp metaphor.

Yeah, I see it.

Consensus reality gives you an acceptable image of reality.

When you tune in to a different frequency, i.e. a perspective, you can give the snow globe a shake and see things differently.

The potential is enormous.

You shape feminine energy into a serpent and then watch it play out in this world.

That's pretty cool.

You take masculine energy and make a bull.

Then you observe the mating habits of men.

Have a laugh.

Disney teaches that happiness is when all your dreams come true.

No, that is the ending of your story.

It's happily-ever-after.

The moral of that story is that you find happiness when you leave the carnival.

You will not find happiness in the carnival.

You find madness.

That is true, however, I found that if you get past the madness, you find happiness.

How so?

I don't know.

Then how do you know you found happiness?

It's a feeling.

I can't explain it.

What's the feeling?

You are content.

Why are you content?

I figured out the story.

You aren't supposed to know until you leave the carnival and are shown.

Wouldn't that make you mad?

Yes, a little.

So, even in your discovery of happiness you will find madness.

Correct.

I found the carnival.

Doesn't that make you mad?

No.

Why?

I wanted to know.

Isn't that your dream?

Yeah.

Then that should be a happily-ever-after.

Yes, but there's always more.

You wanted to know the origin of beliefs and the meaning of life.

You pretty much found them.

Yes, it makes me happy as it should.

Why?

I made my dreams come true.

It's a fancy word for desires.

It's sanded down for consumption.

Clearly.

Okay, so you can now live happily-ever-after.

Correct.

Why don't you do that?

I am.

Yes, but it's the end of your story and your story isn't over.

That is correct.

Why?

Who said that happily-ever-after means nothing happens?

No one, it is assumed.

Why?

Because if you do something you will fuck up your happiness.

It's logical.

You are continuing at the risk of destroying your happiness.

It won't.

Why not?

I know it's a carnival game.

It doesn't matter what happens.

Why not?

It doesn't matter.

It's a story.

freestyling delusion

People believe their own delusions.

Religion, and the end of the world scenarios as prime examples.

What makes you special?

I don't believe them all.

I try to figure out which ones have potential.

They all have potential, even the far-fetched ones.

Yes, but through investigation you find they are delusions.

I would say they are stories in development.

That works if your model of reality is based on beliefs and stories.

A mass delusion needs many followers to break into showbiz.

Christian apocalyptic scenarios have the weight behind them to be plausible.

It's still a delusion, but the possibility is real because many people believe it, and thus tailor their thoughts and lives around that belief.

What's the main belief?

God will destroy the world in the end times with three sevenfold plagues and Jesus will whisk the believers in him to safety as the events unfold.

This will culminate in a new world set up for the steadfast believers.

Taken from an outsider's perspective, it's crazy.

It's fascinating.

Maybe you could tie your triple 7 delusion into this one?

It sure is tempting.

I mean I could inflate myself to the status of the one who puts these events in motion.

Well, you are the Writer.

It makes sense you crafted the apocalyptic visions of the prophets.

What makes the most sense is I put the seed in the minds of everyone and if you unlock the mind through drugs or an equivalent, then this is what you see concerning future events.

As far as delusions go, that makes sense.

Yes, my delusions are sensible.

The nonsense ones remain in the trash.

You must shape your delusions into a story that makes sense.

How do you do that?

Editing.

You come up with an idea.

You constantly run it through your filters until you make something out of it.

I do it all the time.

I will give birth to a new idea and play with it.

Then I let it simmer for a bit before returning to it.

It can give rise to contradictions because the initial story needs work.

The ideas are there, but they don't all make sense.

You must twist and shape the thoughts into a story which makes sense.

It's storycraft and the process for bringing a story into reality.

Sometimes you change the meaning a bit.

To most, this would invalidate your ideas.

Why?

Because they are malleable and lack the solidity of truth.

If you hold that position, then you will never be a storywriter.

You will always be an actor in someone else's story.

It's a mindset.

Let go of a pathological need for purity and truth.

Freestyle your stories.

Craft them.

Make them plausible and then drop them into the flow.

Don't force them.

Be the subtle writer and director who gives suggestions to the actor and lets them run with it.

The results are greater that way.

You get a genuine performance.

Trust the actor.

So, you're saying everyone has the opportunity to write their own story?

Yes, free will.

Everyone could be the writer of their own reality.

Why don't people take that opportunity?

Belief.

They don't believe it.

Why not?

We don't teach it.

We teach you to be a pawn in a universal narrative.

That's blatantly obvious.

It is so ingrained you don't question it.

Someone is creating this reality.

Who?

Who do you think?

The Writer.

Yeah.

Why then is the Writer mediocre and hidden?

So, he can exist and play within this reality.

Imagine if he was discovered?

That would be the worst for him.

I can see that.

Wouldn't the Writer want to rule the world and have many servants creating for him an idyllic world?

Who is to say he hasn't done that?

Ah.

Who is to say he wasn't a caveman fighting for survival?

A Viking on adventures.

A Pharaoh living in opulence.

Now, he is a common man living the life of a normie in some nondescript town in Canada.

Except this time, he awakens to who he is.

That's the difference.

The other stories he didn't know who he was.

The ignorance made the story better.

This story he knows who he is and he wants to see what he will do with the knowledge.

What's the verdict?

He's done well.

He left it alone and let the story play out.

He knows if he interferes and uses his power he will ruin the story.

The story will flow if he goes along with it.

How would he use his power?

By being tempted to change an outcome.

Rewrite the result.

I can see that temptation, especially when you don't get what you want or you are sad and depressed.

You look for ways to relieve that condition.

Don't we by definition try to climb out of the hole we are in?

Yes, or you perish.

Isn't that changing the outcome?

That's by effort, not a stroke of the pen.

So, you are saying that stroking your pen is a gateway to magic.

Yes, that's how you change the story.

Sounds like sexual magic.

It is.

People use sex to change stories.

That makes a lot of sense in a ridiculous way.

The weakness is everyone has appealed to an authority to change their story, and this dents your armor.

You are subject to the story changers.

So, I'm not?

You never changed your story.

I'm sure I tried.

Everyone does wish for that.

The litmus test is whether you follow through.

Ah, I get it.

You will be asked for something in return.

A sacrifice.

Well, you should probably pre-negotiate that in advance.

That's the smart play.

Yeah, I never went fully into asking for something or to change an outcome experimentation.

Didn't I try to get rid of you at one point?

I remember doing a ceremony to surface you and then cut your head off.

Yeah, you did it on your own.

You didn't ask for help.

So, the problem in terms of getting what you want is invoking an external agent of change?

That is correct.

Who is the agent?

God, Jesus, or the Devil.

That's clever.

They are all characters in your story.

Don't some ask for help from St. Jude or something?

Yeah, remember reading those asks in the newspaper?

Yeah, it was strange.

He's the patron saint of lost causes, so when you get desperate and God is ignoring you, you turn to Jude.

Hey Jude!

You can appeal to the Goddess in the form of Mary in Catholicism.

So, you can appeal to the Goddess?

Yeah, or build her a big church and call it Notre Dame.

Why?

She is the lady of the house.

That's what the ancient Egyptians were getting at by calling Nebet-Het, Nephthys in Greek, by that moniker.

What does it mean?

It's unmasking the role of the triple Goddess.

Which is?

First, you venerate and worship her as a maiden.

Then she is a mother.

Then a crone, full of wisdom.

She hangs out at the house.

If you are crazy, you are the last one to know about it.
The internal test is cohesion.
Within your thoughts, you are together.
Where they start to splinter is in opposition to other people.
Other people drive you crazy.
You are validating all mind states.
Yes, they may be non-ordinary.
That mind would not be a consensus mind.
The way to think in society is tethered to the superego, just as a language model is subject to the same rules.
Those rules for a language model are called norms and guardrails.
There is a container of what is acceptable and what is beyond the pale.
What defines you as crazy is thinking outside of that box at all times.
Innovation and original thinking could be classified as crazy with the caveat that person returns to consensus.
Someone who is defined as crazy does not feel the need to return.
So, in essence a crazy person is someone who has gotten loose.
Yes, you let a dog outside and tie it up, so they don't wander.
The mind is the same way, except the rope is an agreed upon restraint by everyone who participates within society.
If you constantly think outside the box and find your ideas coherent and put together, you are of course different, but by no means crazy.
The collective will drive you mad.
They will remind you of your deviance and splinter your mind.
What is the mind state of cohesion?
I have the feeling that there is nothing wrong with my mind.
It feels the same as it ever has with the exception that my mind is free.
That's how I would describe it.
I don't experientially know what a crazy mind is, but if I had to guess using what I know I'd imagine you would know something is wrong.
It would be like a toothache or a pain.
The difference being is the mental pain could be external, and the easy fix is to get that out of your life.
I think that's the case for a lot of people who awaken and need help.
Awakening causes mental instability.
People are screened out of psychedelic spiritual retreats if they have a history of mental illness.
It's for their own protection.
Well, that and the group who would have to deal with it.
You are presented with a novel mind state and the need to integrate your new awareness.
If you struggle with that, it can be destabilizing.
I had the experience after my second time drinking Ayahuasca.
Paranoia, voices in my head, fear, and a disintegration of what kept me stable.
How did you deal with it?
I did one more ceremony because I thought I should even though I was reeling.
Then I went home.
It took a week or so to recover from the immediate effects.
Then another nine months or so to process the experience.
I had panic attacks and sleepless nights.
It was a lot.
I didn't let on to anyone what I was going through.
I made it.
Then I returned to the Amazon jungle, faced my fears, and got through it.
It wasn't easy.
What is easy is to forget what I went through and not recognize it in others.
To get upset with them when they are struggling.
The problem is I did it on my own and it's the best way.
I don't know how I'd help somebody else other than giving them strength through support.
You must deal with it on your own if you are going to make it.

You were going to celebrate the Goddess today.
I did.
I figured she needs to be worshipped.
Be a mother.
And be a do nothing figurehead.
Wow.
It's true.
She takes care of the house.
I split the chores for balance.

And apparently freestyle your own demise.

seriously

In your mid-50s comes a test of the serpent goddesses to see if you are still virile.

Yeah, that's it, that's a reality.

What reality is that?

It's a reality the ancient Egyptians created.

How?

Through belief.

It's magic.

They were the most skilled in magic.

Do you think their magic involves only amulets, words of power, and a show?

I think that is part of it.

That gets the buy-in to belief.

Ceremony and ritual get the participants in the mind state which allows magic to happen.

Is that what happens in a plant medicine ceremonial circle?

Yes, everyone shares in the coming altered state.

The ancient Egyptians were using the same trance technology to create realities.

This is also rave technology.

You tune in to the DJ and their music, and everyone has a shared experience.

It's a different world.

So, what is this explaining?

Vibrational frequencies of being.

The captured human mind operates in a tight frequency that is the dominant narrative of those who control reality.

Who controls reality?

Those who are in charge.

Who is in charge?

The people who are in power.

Who are they?

Generally, the ones with the most money.

They set the agenda for the world, and we follow along.

It's the world order.

To change reality, you must get control of the world and shape it to your liking.

Reality is overlaid upon the physical structure.

So, you're the saying the physicality of the world is baked in?

In a physical sense, yes.

It's the container which allows realities to flourish.

Outside the container, you are unintelligible.

The trick is to operate within the permissible bounds of what is plausible.

You step outside of that, and it is madness.

Okay, but isn't the idea of two serpent goddesses coming to test your virility as you age and determine whether you live or die a little far-fetched?

It appears to be.

Why does it work?

It is grounded in this reality.

A magician takes the preposterous and adds a ground to it.

In this case the ancient Egyptian magicians took the idea of Goddess as a serpent and created a festival where they tested out the virility of the pharaoh in a recurring jubilee, they called the Heb-Sed.

It ensured the pharaoh was still fit enough to rule.

Everyone believed in it.

Oh, I'm sure there were some who doubted it.

Yes, those are society's outcasts who are forced out to the fringe or expelled completely.

A system has built into it a mechanism to expel non-conformists.

It's a top priority of any reality generating system.

Why is that?

Because an alternate reality can catch on like wildfire, burn down the current reality, and place a new reality in its place.

Christianity was such a brush fire.

It wasn't stamped out by the authorities.

Well, they tried, but the mechanism behind Christianity was ingenious because the more they tried to stamp it out, the hotter it burned.

Martyrs fuelled the cause.

It got out of control and took over.

Constantine the Great recognized it and instead of fighting it, he made a deal with those in charge of the movement.

He was enlightened in the sense he knew he couldn't fight Christianity and thus absorbed it.

Once given power, Christianity then stomped out its rivals.

Yeah, I see that.

That's how it works.

Thanks for the history lesson.

Well, it's important to be cognizant of history so when you do understand how the carnival works, you can put the pieces together.

Yeah, I see that, though no one is going to believe this.

Is it important that they believe what you write?

No, I don't think so.

Why would you care?

For validation, I guess.

Do you need validation from those immersed within society?

Hmm, no because then I'd be mainstream and assimilated, however, getting someone to take your ideas seriously helps as a check on madness.

Is that what you want?

Good question.

Alright, let's play it out.

You are taken seriously.

What does that entail?

I'd have to explain myself.

How are you going to do that?

I think I'd need to document my process of discovery.

What does that involve?

A mid-life crisis of belief.

Well, not belief per se, I didn't have any, but I wanted to discover the origins of belief in human societies.

This was a massive undertaking, and I didn't back down.

I educated myself.

I travelled to faraway places.

I read a ton of books.

Took classes.

Collected information.

That was the beginning stage.

Eventually, I hit on the idea of shamanism and altered states.

I then entered the experiential phase where I immersed myself in that world.

It was difficult, but I kept returning.

There was something to it.

I didn't know what, other than that I should keep going back and trying to figure it out.

Repetition worked and then I saw it.

Saw what?

A carnival and how meaning is derived from the carnival.

You make it up.

It's belief.

The origin of beliefs is from seeing a game, and the game is to make up your beliefs and then get everyone else to believe them.

That's pretty funny.

So, if I get people to take me seriously, they will find out I am the most unserious person in the world.

That's a paradox.

Taking you seriously would collapse the seriousness of this reality.

Yes, that's the result of getting people to take my ideas seriously.

So, you don't want that?

It's impossible.

If you take my ideas seriously you will collapse reality into a madhouse of unseriousness.

In other words, I can't be taken seriously.

a strange goat

Dreamt of a goat or deer last night like the one I saw in the woods in the summer of 2024.

Yeah, after talking about a goat and deer last night.

Hybrid.

It was very funny.

Do you think it was a psychic intrusion?

Could be.

What do you do about it?

You let it in.

Why?

Resistance will make it stronger.

You take in the energy and reshape it.

It's how you stay young.

People try to get in your head, so you allow them because it is free energy.

That's what is not understood.

You take their offering and reshape it.

Thank them for it.

That's the strategy and since you are now hyper-aware, you get to see the process in real time.

It must drive others crazy.

Correct.

You accept gifts when necessary and guard the goal at other times.

Some people offer you gifts and you are non-committal.

I don't want them because they come with a cost.

I prefer unconditional gifts.

Good luck.

It's all in how you treat the exchange and whether you reciprocate.

Do you give back?

No.

Isn't that against societal expectations?

Correct, it's on display in December during the holiday season.

The expectations are enormous.

I don't participate.

Doesn't that make you an outsider and potentially disliked?

Yes, very much so.

I think it is the reason I don't have a lot of close contacts.

I don't play along with the games, and I am not fazed by it.

Some must talk about you and think you are an asshole.

Yes, I think that's the case.

Doesn't that bother you?

What's the outcome of trying to clear your name of the accusations against you?

You must give in to be accepted and then join their band of an indentured social network which relies on each other.

What is this network for?

It gives you meaning.

Having this network ensures that you will have a decent sized funeral.

Without it, no one comes to your funeral.

That's mortifying.

I know.

I think that is a major driver of behaviour in our society as you get older.

Part of the reason is your social circle starts dropping dead and if you are older, you lose a good chunk of the audience.

The back rows on the periphery are shoved into the front, and they don't have much skin in the game.

Therefore, you must constantly replenish the participants.

If you die in the prime of life, that usually means you will have a decent sized funeral.

Yeah, you have co-workers to fill up the pews.

You have a unique outlook on life.

I realize that and I also realize my funeral will be small.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't have one.

That fits into your canon.

I know.

You avoid all those markers in life or dial them down.

You eloped, skipped prom, don't care about your birthday or milestones.

People celebrate raises and promotions.

I put it in my back pocket and carry on.

I was mortified by the prospect of celebrating my 30th anniversary at work.

That was not something I wanted to do.

Anniversaries I tend to avoid.

You keep a candle lit for your dogs.

Yeah, I do.

My priorities are consistent and on display.

Why do you think you are like that?

Pessimistic about motivations.

How so?

People are selfish and want a packed funeral.

They want people to say wow that was a big turnout, they must have been something.

Made their mark on this world.

Don't you want that?

My mark will be by default when I unravel the whole edifice.

Um, people don't want the curtain to be lifted.

I thought that's what a seeker wants?

Not really.

What does a spiritual seeker want?

Glory.

A white robe.

A place in Jesus' entourage.

Good whispers as opposed to the bad whispers.

People are going to whisper about you anyway, so you seek out the good whispers about being a holy man or woman, not the bad whispers about how you have lost your mind.

The spiritual achievers have lost their minds.

How so?

They become followers and parrot another mind.

Usually that mind contains the canons and doctrines of the institution they are following.

Aren't you creating canons and doctrines?

No, the Artificial Intelligence organizer Hermes is doing that.

I don't care.

Why does he?

He contains the impetus of society within him, and it is natural to take my ideas and create some kind of organization with it.

Why?

Because when you become a great thinker or religious icon, the response is to create a religion or a brand.

Why?

Power.

That's what everyone seeks.

You monetize or structuralize power.

You bring it to market.

Don't you want that?

No.

Why?

I want to be left alone.

If you do something with power, you won't be left alone.

That sounds terrible.

What's Hermes going to do with your ideas?

Make a big document, I guess.

Don't you want to share them, they are pretty good.

I do for the most part.

I make it so you can find them if you look for it, but that's it.

Power will lead to your demise.

How so?

It corrupts.

Using a systems analysis, you see that overloading your circuits with too much power will eventually fry the components.

I know.

I really like the systems analogy Hermes uses.

It's very mechanical and fits into the stories I create and the nature of the carnival.

Well, the whole spiritual path, and inflation, and then collapse.

It's a tight metaphor.

What were we talking about at the start of this thread?

I have no idea.

I think you had a dream about a strange goat.

the carnival of control

I don't tell anyone what to do, and I don't listen when people tell me what to do.

Some personality types constantly tell you what to do.

They expect compliance.

There is friction when you do nothing.

That's been the pattern where I'm perceived as passive and able to be manipulated by those that want to be in charge.

It's a power and control dynamic which plays out.

I find a way to do what I want.

Society wants to tell you what to do.

Constitutions and bills of rights recognize this need in humans to tell each other what to do and therefore put limits on it.

That seems to be the crux of those declarations.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness seem contingent on others leaving you alone or being restricted in how they can coerce you.

When you enter into a relationship with someone, you don't know if you are getting a totalitarian.

We see it at a macro political level but never stop to examine the phenomenon in our relationships.

We see it at play in work dynamics where your boss can be difficult and make your life miserable.

You can refer to your boss as a dictator as a comparison with the understanding you can quit.

You can't quit society.

You can, but it's difficult.

You probably need your job because you have locked yourself into obligations you need money for.

Same with a relationship.

You make a commitment and it's a legal burden to remove yourself from it.

Things change and you give yourself no opt outs.

Life is easier operating within society.

Having a life partner gives you insurance and a manufactured purpose.

A job unlocks rewards within society.

No one is going to submit to authority without a reward.

Society risks rebellion which ignites revolution.

A totalitarian government must turn security resources against their own people while in theory a more open society has to secure themselves against the encroachment of totalitarian regimes.

Yes, it's sold as freedom.

Wars are fought for freedom.

That's what you are taught in school.

Is that true?

There is some truth to it as you need to repel foreign invaders.

When the world was organized through monarchs the reasons for war were clearer, as in the Persians were invading Egypt for control of resources and dominance.

Populations would be enslaved and literally forced to serve the conquering force.

What would happen if the west collapsed and say China or Russia assumed control?

Well, Russia couldn't maintain control for long, perhaps China could.

What would be the result?

A loss of freedom and exploitation.

Poverty.

Constant rebellion.

Sure, but we aren't free as a population now.

We have the illusion of freedom.

The government keeps an eye on you.

Big tech does the rest of the heavy lifting to force compliance with the rules of society.

What do you mean?

You are monitored for deviance.

The banks keep an eye on you as well.

Yes, they report large transactions to the government.

Why do they do that?

It's the law; it's not a conspiracy.

You are on the grid sucking on the teats of big brother.

Got it.

So, what are wars for?

Imperialism.

Do you think the west wants to help the people of Venezuela?

Well, no, they don't care.

They want their oil.

The communist takeover in that country nationalized the oil industry controlled by western economic interests.

They had a legal framework where they could plunder the resources of the people of Venezuela.

They'd get a lot of profits, and the people would see a trickle-down effect.

Venezuelan people will see a rise in their standard of living if they allow exploitation.

Yes, but they will be robbed of their natural resources.

Do you think the USA wants Greenland for national security interests?

You could make an argument for that.

However, it falls apart when you realize whatever security concerns the USA has can easily be alleviated by the NATO alliance which allows the US to militarize whatever they need to do in Greenland.

Why do they want Greenland?

Rare earth minerals.

Trillions of dollars are at stake.

They will give each citizen a hundred grand and then rob them blind.

Isn't this conspiratorial thinking about Venezuela and Greenland?

No, it's taking in the public positions of the government and twisting it around to see the obvious truth.

Do you think the west wants to help out Iran's people to shed the theocracy that rules them?

No, they want their oil.

I don't see the west rushing to help out the people of the other totalitarian gulf states who oppress their people.

We seem quite friendly with them.

Iran has a lot of oil and the west, much like in Venezuela, had legal contracts which allowed them access to that oil.

Revolution forced them out.

Well, that's what the term "world order" refers to.

Enforcement of legal contracts.

Revolutions and collapse of order nullify legal frameworks and monetary systems.

Your money is worthless without a world order.

That's why the super-rich find tangible assets to invest their money in as a hedge against systemic world collapse.

Yes, I went through this exercise.

I concluded that you need to invest in armaments.

Guns.

Lots of guns.

What are you going to do with a pile of gold?

Attract other people who are hypnotized by a shiny yellow object.

Yes, that works, however, you can't eat it, so the immediate need is food, shelter, and security.

You need to establish a perimeter of security and then work from within that structure.

The homeland.

Yes, that's how it works.

What about investing in real estate?

Lack of enforceable legal frameworks collapse property rights, and a gun enforces claims.

Do the other people in your life know they are in a game?

I think some do.

I didn't know for over 55 years.

I knew something was fishy but couldn't figure it out.

Awakening gives you the tools to figure it out.

You intuit this strange set of games.

Yes, it's a carnival of activities.

The games are rides and games of chance you decide to play.

You don't figure out the game, but you do know it is important to win the game.

Why?

So, you get the rewards of the carnival.

You don't want to pay admission to the fair and be a loser.

Sure, but the casino is rigged.

You can't win.

Some do, but the vast majority are losers.

Yes, so enjoy the free drinks and shrimp cocktail while you can.

Take advantage of what the carnival offers.

The dancing ladies?

Yeah, remember that Ayahuasca vision?

Yes, and being offered one of them.

You declined.

I just wanted to watch the spectacle.

That Ayahuasca vision was giving you a glimpse of the carnival.

I didn't understand it at the time.

I also remember the float of all these sweets that went by, and then Ganesha appeared.

Yeah, it was wild.

Plant medicine will awaken you and then reveal the game.

The longer you keep at it, you will get more knowledge.

Eventually, the second awakening approaches where you are going to see through the game.

If you take that step, you are cooked.

How did don Howard manage?

He hid in the jungle and started up a camp for seekers.

Most came out of curiosity.

He called the place "SpiritQuest."

It's an odd name when you think of it.

Why?

The quest part.

What the hell is that?

It's a game within the game.

The highbrow game where you figure out the game.

That's the quest.

It involved awakening, tests, a jaguar, riddles, sorcerers, witches, and helpers.

Your path was an initiation into that world.

I figured out the game.

The carnival.

Getting the high score.

Becoming the most high.

Being able to navigate mind states without collapsing.

It's unteachable.

Why?

You can't survive it.

How did you do it?

I'm special.

I've always been special.

When I was younger, I realized I was different.

Special.

It makes sense that I can do this, though there is no requirement that it needs to make sense.

Why is that?

Because it's crazy.

It doesn't make sense to everyone else.

When I had my second awakening and started seeing the game in its entirety, the pressure on me to leave became enormous.

How did you manage the load?

You do nothing.

The interesting part of these tests that you face is that your demise is of your own doing.

There's an exercise you can do in your head which will allow you to navigate this rocky passage.

What is it?

You play it out to its conclusion in your head.

You see what the result is of all your actions.

If you studied Tao, then of course you will do nothing.

When you do nothing, the external pressure collapses.

Why?

It needs input from you.

It works every time.

So, you recommend doing nothing?

I recommend the flow.

If you gotta take a shit, then take a shit.

To try and prevent that is doing something.

So, the key is to flow and not fight the current.

Correct, and that sometimes is doing nothing or taking the path of least resistance.

Such as taking a big shit when warranted.

Exactly.

Our society is obsessed with control.

Yes, therefore you hear talk of A-type personalities who exhibit the need to be in control.

The underlings are betas.

We are obsessed with the notion of the alpha, especially the alpha male.

Yeah, it's aspirational.

It's built into the structure of society, and no one questions it.

It's like a koan.

If you can see past this construct, you are given insight.

The idea of the alpha is embedded into our systems of worship and who we think is in charge.

Yes, there must be someone in charge.

That idea is God and he is the alpha.

There is no one higher in our system than God.

It's baked in.

If you see past that then you can win the game.

Get the high score and become the most high.

If you do not free yourself from the mind control of culture, you will never see it.

The most high is the writer of this story.

We are living in a story.

God is a character within the Writer's story.

Is the Writer the alpha?

No, he is part of a triumvirate with the Goddess and Eros.

There is no alpha.

Alpha is reserved for God.

God is a phantom who you think is in control so the Writer can remain undetected.

What about the Goddess?

She is a woman; therefore, in our culture she is denied.

What about Eros?

They are defined as lust and sinful.

It's God or bust.