Friday, August 18, 2017

exploration of self, time, dragons, and attachment

The following is an incomplete post of thoughts on self, time, dragons, and attachment I will amend as I continue travelling on this most interesting path.

There is a synthesis of mind states which comprise what I think of as myself. The next task is an exercise of deconstruction of these mind states, sitting with each, and figuring out how each affect the overall constitution of my being. The shamanic Upper, Middle, and Lower worlds can be a good comparative guide in this deconstruction. Also each aspect of mind contains within a polarity which consists of a feminine and masculine pole as well as each gendered pole having contending halves that are in opposition to one another. In the Upper and Lower worlds the masculine polarity contains a dragon. You will find the lair of dragons down by the sea or they will be flying in the air hidden by cloud cover. Both manifestations of this power bedevil the Middle world and fittingly, with its mythical nature, the dragon remains a mystery to us earth dwellers.

Lower World
Middle World
Upper World
Higher Self
Higher Consciousness


Self Esteem

Low Self Esteem


Needs Affirmation/Praise
Dark Side of the Moon
Expects Rewards

Light penetrates into the darkness and shines throughout all creation. The serpent creates and powers the three worlds. The jaguar draws its strength and power from the serpent and moves freely between the created worlds. The jaguar is the master of the three domains.

Disharmony between these worlds leads to confusion. In parallel to this thinking is the Andean idea of mediating between gendered states of being, starting with the reconciliation of the same gendered complementary opposites, leading to a state of harmony they termed tinkuy. After the successful reconstruction of the respective gendered poles this next leads to the mediation of the feminine and the masculine polarities, a process called yanantin, which leads to the successful result which is called the conocimiento, bringing all into harmony. Peace of mind and harmony of the opposites is the way and the light.

Terms of mediation, harmony, reciprocity, and the androgyne in the Andes:

Huacsas - third gendered ritual attendants.
Quariwarmi - dual gendered shamans who mediated between the symmetrically dualistic spheres of Andean cosmology and daily life.
Ipa/Orua - third gendered ritual attendants.
Conocimiento - the result of the mediation of two opposing forces.
Nepantla - to be or feel in between.
Tinkuy - the joining together of complementary opposites through ritual mediation.
Yanantin - an expression of dualistic symmetry of inclusion.
Chhimi - the central axis, heart that denotes the common territory between two halves. Found in woven textiles called talegas.
Chaupi - the in between positioning between two pairs.
Chhullu - Quechua for the one among paired things but without a pair.
Chhullus - third gendered ritual attendants that bring together the opposites in the chaupi forming the tinkuy.

Fluidly the mind shifts between thought and judgment. Focus on the self effortlessly gives way to service and concern for others. Separate identity contends with a longing for connection. Distraction has become the ego's best weapon to combat awakening. Lost in the madness is the ability to connect with the higher self, as with all things if you don't use it, you lose it. To recover what is lost is a daunting task.

Quiet contemplation and this overwhelming urge to be left alone has been with me as long as I can remember. I long ago buried my heart, since recovered, however the two halves of my mind are fully developed, active, and easily shift between what side is dominant. From a psychological sense of self I knew of the ego and its machinations but there was no label for this other part of mind. To even fathom this divide seems like such an insurmountable task for the distracted mass. When I immersed myself into the world of Amazonian shamanism there were constant episodes of attacks on this other part of my psyche along with visions of light and a longing Goddess trying to get through to this part of me. They are the most valuable, memorable, and cherished experiences I could possibly ask for and experience. To be in the presence of the Great Goddess is ineffable in its greatness. I never really clued in to who it was that was experiencing this because I have known this part of myself for so long. I was ignorant on this journey due in part to a misunderstanding. I have read books on spirituality and psychology which pointed to the higher self and in my spiritual quest I was determined to meet this elusive part of me. It has only been in the past few weeks of my life that I finally realized I have been acquainted with this part of myself all my life due to my innate solitary and contemplative nature. I was going to go to the mountains to find my higher self, now it is just going to be a confirmation of what I already know, to become fully immersed in higher consciousness free of ego, and to have a good laugh.

Part of my confusion stems from comparison to the trials and plights of others. They sure are in a bind, all twisted up in knots searching for answers and are running around in their constructed worlds trying to piece things together or they are caught in a web that radiates such a pervasive aura of worldly distraction that has engulfed them. I have never sold out totally to the distraction, instead I disappear for hours into the woods to find solace and contentment. I shun the mind candy and spend hours outside on the deck quietly smoking away while inside electronics ping and ding as the television blares away. Culture demands more and more of its slaves' attention, which is calculated to prevent an awakening to the knowledge of the higher self. Culture is the manifestation of a collective ego that demands conformity, self policing of attitude, and acceptable behaviour. As the cry for humanity to awaken increases so do the available distractions. I see now the value of meditation as the first step to just stop the noise. Just sit with yourself for twenty minutes and allow yourself to develop an innate ability of allowing quiet into your daily life.

Impulses from the depths of my subconscious attention have plagued me throughout my life. Despite a connection to a really great part of myself it was no match for this part of my psyche. In a weakened state I was a pawn to this psychic manifestation of the darkness. I didn't know how to control it though I certainly did try. It wasn't until a face to face meeting with the psychic manifestation of this power, which scared the bejesus out of me, that I was able to take up arms and fight this now discovered adversary. Psychologists will describe a man's subconscious as feminine, the anima, and to a degree it is true and is the easiest to discern however there is a dark side to that moon which is masculine and very clever and controlling. After subduing this lifelong antagonist I was then able to connect with my long buried heart who had been crying out for so long.

This adversarial alien comes from the dark side of the moon. It is the dark masculine part of your psyche residing in the shadows. The ego is the doorway for this dragon to enter into the human psyche. The visionary state works with metaphor and with this knowledge it becomes clear the hedonistic and misogynistic alien parasites from my cognitive state during an ayahuasca journey last year were metaphors for the infected egos which surrounded me. The thought that others in the ceremony were infected was a way to describe them as being possessed by the parasites as well. The thought that the alien parasite uses the power within the body to sustain itself is directly correlated with the formation of ego which is directed by the alien. I dismissed this whole ceremony as delusionary when instead it was an ingenious construct designed to allow me to see how the compromised ego operates. I felt my power drained by these parasites when in truth it is the puppet shell of the ego that steals your power for self aggrandizement and causes obfuscation of the other constituent states of being, in essence burying your heart and killing your spirit. This also connects with a Huachuma ceremony where once again it was an alien that was using the power inherent within humanity to sustain its existence. The alien was using humankind as generators to perpetuate its eventual takeover of the universe. It was mining us and the great mother for its secrets. The third time I ever drank ayahuasca I was offered the chance to become part of this strange alien construct as a leader of a group of them. I turned it down. This alien was psychotic, loved money, hedonistic, and hated women.

I'd also like to touch on the idea of sacrificing to the gods which was very prevalent in ancient times and still retains a dignified state nowadays in our refined ideas of worship. The gods in question are both internal and external forces which can exert control over you. The base idea of sacrifice is to give up something of value to gain the favour of a god. It's the simple explanation and good enough for most. I sacrifice a bull to Zeus which has a real monetary cost to my bottom line and in a way it reveals devotion. However I have to believe after what I have experienced is that the idea of sacrifice involves giving up behaviours and actions that perturb or enhance the psychic manifestations of these entities. I knew my weaknesses and what aroused my adversary and within these weaknesses I found much pleasure and comfort. I eventually was shown the need to give these up, i.e. sacrifice, in order to slay the demon. To me that is the real impetus behind sacrifice; the public sacrifice is superficial and contains much value as ritual designed to impress upon the adherent a reminder to look within to find what really needs to be forsaken.

Born from darkness we can become beacons of light. How big of an arc can be created as we pulse from off to on? All is vibration therefore I am a vibration and I am moving in a rhythm from birth to death which starts out as nothing from the Lower world, grows in the Middle world, and becomes complete in the Upper world. Within creation we become and then we are once again not - the void - but latent within is the impetus to become again. In a sense it can be deduced that the process of becoming would come to an end upon escape from the everlasting cycles of motion and time. To exist outside the wheel. The concept of djet to the ancient Egyptians.

Is there a choice between attachment and release from time? Is this choice the penultimate decision we will make as spiritual free agents? What role does Love play in the decision? Do I heed the call of the Goddess and the longing for reunion or do I remain fettered to the cycle of rebirth in order that I fulfill the obligations I have made to my earthly loved ones? The opportunity for transcendence and union I have been presented with twice already, both times I have spurned the advance. The first time I explained to the Goddess I still have to take care of my family and could not come away with her. The second time was an erotic bonding in the temple of Hathor at Denderah in which I experienced the most intense and erotic feeling I have ever felt and then immediately afterwards I halted the visionary activity for some reason I'm not exactly clear about. Is it my ego which fears dissolution from the consequences of ending the prolonged separation of the divine feminine and masculine encapsulated within and therefore is constantly entrapping the self in attachments? Some of these attachments are my most treasured relationships in this temporal existence and because of this it makes one hesitant to walk the path to the conclusion of what I have been searching for. I need help on this question in order that I make the right decision. The Goddess has previously alerted me to the ability of the darkness to construct the most elaborate of schemes and will stop at nothing to prevent the reunification of the primal universal pair. This all feels related to those admonitions of my eternal bride. 

I feel the seeker if they choose to remain attached and do not ascend the proverbial mountain to transcendence then they will remain subjected to the trials and tribulations inherent in this world we live in, though you will have the opportunity to help others in their journey and allow them the opportunity to make the same choice which was once presented to you. The Buddhists call this person the Bodhisattva. I wonder too if the Goddess is strangely present in this world in some women and like everything else is veiled and hidden away. Into this world I manifested and soon developed a bad case of amnesia, I've sorted some stuff out but I am never 100% sure about it all. As a corollary to this, do I have delusions of grandeur?

If I choose to transcend my bodily existence and become the pure white light entering into a divine coupling with the Goddess does this all end? Does the universe enter into a process to become whole once again? The cosmic vibrational wave crests and returns to the state of rest before once again exploding into another cycle of creation. What about my attachments that I hold near and dear? What about all my attachments that weigh me down? Can I pick and choose? Probably not. Are they just illusory and anyhow will be ripped away from me upon physical death? Do I need to demonstrate and reconcile this in order to rest in peace, transcending the wheel? Is the ultimate expression of love, from which all springs forth, the reunification of the divine feminine and masculine? 

The choice is whether you wish to exit the never ending process of becoming once you realize there is a choice. Or do you wish to remain to help others? Or can you not let go?

Pistis Sophia. Faith in Wisdom. Love. The answer is to be found in those eternal concepts and all the rest will be taken care of.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

call to adventure

The call to adventure beckons once again. I have gone into Egypt to recover the knowledge of the Great Goddesses of the past and then came multiple trips descending into the Lower Water World of the Amazon to snatch the pearl from the dragon at the behest of the aforementioned Goddess. My friend Ganesha closed the path back down into the Water World and has steered me in the direction of the Upper World to ascend into the mountains.

Sri Ganesha

I was well aware the Middle World of the earth where I spend the majority of my time is for all intents and purposes ego world. It's all about the individual self and constructing identity. Adventure called to a place I could go to find the higher self. I would find this elusive character and bring him back to the ego world and the quest would be satiated for I am jaguar and I traverse the three worlds. I knew the next step after the Upper World is ultimately death and a physical release from this world into the next, though using past experience as a guide high adventures awaits. Anyway that's the plan.

I'd heard a particular Alan Watts lecture a few times that describes the elusiveness of the ego. It's a well told comparative story where the police respond to a robbery at a residence and the ego as the perp simply escapes up to the higher floor. The gist is the higher self you seek is of the same essence as your ego. You think you can transcend the ego but in actuality you can't because it is a generated feedback attachment of your own making and it fluidly morphs into the higher self and hangs out at the higher level subtly infecting that aspect of your psyche which eventually manifests in your presentation to the world as being an 'enlightened' being; the pioneering psychologist Carl Jung coined this process inflation. This recent listening to the metaphor somehow triggered within the understanding of the interconnectedness of the ego and the higher self. The catalyst was I thought the opposite must be true then - the higher self must be able to descend down to the main floor where the ego makes its home and hang out there. This moment of clarity hit me while I was in the kitchen preparing the evening meal and it stopped me in my tracks. Aha that's it, the higher self I seek I already know very well, he has just been playing along in a game of hide and seek in this great drama all the while. I had a chuckle over that. I've known for a while the seeking I have been obsessed with, which has taken me afar, will lead back to the self but this time it felt really ridiculous. I get on airplanes and fly around the world just so I can find what was me all along! It's preposterous but it's the only way. Practically what a real waste of effort and money but in the end this part of the journey is priceless. I must continue to persist in my folly in order to complete the quest.

The Roman god Mercury and his element's elusive liquid nature with mysterious alchemical properties became illuminated as an apt symbol describing the fluidity that occurs between these two natures of self.


I meditated on this later in the evening to discern the relationship between the ego and the higher self and the role wisdom plays in mediating between the two. The brain is a physical model of universal consciousness to a proportional scale in order to localize it and in the human brain nature achieved the greatest expression of this project. This mechanical model of consciousness generates self centeredness because consciousness innately projects the idea it is the all so naturally when consciousness is generated via the workings of the brain and you become aware of other entities you truly believe in your uniqueness and separate self. This perception leads to self awareness as you compare yourself to other conscious beings and also self reflection from individuated consciousness existing within universal consciousness and the byproduct of these processes is the formation of ego; the ego being the psychic centre of the generated consciousness we access and experience. Lost within this structure is the ability to reconnect with universal consciousness. We are utterly lost within the universe of our own making and it is suggesting we did this on purpose in order to peer in a detached manner into the all. Universal consciousness tricks sentient aspects of itself into believing they are outside of the all in order to look in upon itself; this relationship is illusory but is essential for universal self knowledge. It would have to be understood by the originators of this construct that there would always be shards of consciousness that would eventually see through this ruse. Whether awakening from the dream or snapping out of the hypnosis is the goal of this game is debatable. At what point would the all be satisfied in an inquiry into its fundamental nature? I tend to believe it is a win win situation where the realization of the separate self of their true origin despite heavy odds of it happening, elevates all forms of consciousness to greater heights and reveals an insight into the nature of consciousness that yes it will seek and aspire to greatness despite the traps and detours encountered along the way.

In the world I currently find myself in I will never completely transcend the relationship between ego and the higher self but will only get glimpses of which I have previously attained. Through the use of cactus juice (Huachuma) I fully realized how essential Love is to the process of elevating your consciousness from self centered ego awareness to cosmic oneness - experiencing the light within; a kinship with all life; the Goddess telling me your it; sitting in a boat on the Amazon river fully connected to the all which was this Love I cannot put into words; and there was the moment sitting in the Maloca in the jungle where I became disassociated with identity along with a vision of a closet full of suits, representing identities, which were available for me to try on and assume whatever personality I wished. I already know what I'm seeking on my next adventure so it feels like I seek confirmation of something metaphysical I have now grasped on an intellectual basis and in fleeting transcendental moments. I will fluidly transcend ego self and become the cosmic higher self I am sure of but it is lacking without the heart. There's a reason I had to recover the heart (I called it the pearl earlier in this post) because without the heart the journey stalls. You have to go down, down, down into the depths of darkness to save the princess and establish the relationship between the heart and the conscious self once again in an union that will propel you soaring into the clouds.

A word about wisdom to end this post. The Roman god Mercury is an expression of the Greek god of wisdom Hermes and the roots of this deity travel down into ancient Egypt to their wisdom god Thoth (Djehuty through transliteration of the hieroglyphics).

Thoth from Book of the Dead of Amen-em-hat

Thoth mediates between the warring brothers in the story of the Contendings of Horus and Set. Thoth acts as both scribe and messenger, can perform great feats of magic, and is depicted at times as a baboon as well as an ibis stork. The baboon is of the earthly Middle World but can reach the limits of the sky while swinging through the trees while the ibis is of the airy Upper World but can descend down into the earth and also spends time fishing in the watery Lower World. What I'm describing here is the fluidity that Thoth as wisdom generates to enhance his ability to seamlessly bridge the divide between the metaphysical worlds that encompass the sum total of our psyches. His mysterious and elusive nature allows us to freely move between being self conscious and an enveloping all persuasive consciousness with ease which we can recognize as distinct modes of cognition. It is through worldly experience and the trials of life that this wisdom is attained and finally allows you to profoundly see what is going on. Wisdom comes in a flash and it is very mysterious. You can't bottle it up and contain it so the element of mercury is used to try to describe it as it can easily change shape and mould itself to be present where and when required. The Greeks incorporated an element of a trickster into their conception of Hermes. This is because we tend to over think situations and then start to second guess ourselves leading to confusion. As well by this time in humankind's evolution the Greeks had become aware of the inherent ability to use abstract language, language a gift originally from the gods based on pictograms, to hypnotize and deceive. Hermes is also a very phallic masculine god which delineates him from the intuitional wisdom of the feminine that is very well described in Greek as Pistis Sophia which translated is ‘faith in wisdom’ and from the translation you can derive the intended meaning being essentially intuition from wisdom. To sum up in order to come to terms with the higher self you need the help of Thoth, who is the bridge and the ladder and he will lead you to your destination and once discovered then you will always know.

Friday, June 30, 2017


In a curious way not only is the Amazon representative of the Lower shamanic world but for all intents and purposes it is the Lower shamanic world. Western culture operates in the earthy Middle shamanic world and is oddly fascinated by those whom we call primitives. From afar we ridicule the Amazonian culture of healing and sorcery which evolved through the modalities of plant medicines and altered states of consciousness, however it seems to me we ridicule it because essentially we don't understand it and in order to grasp their culture you have to become immersed into their world. The strange part is their world in the 21st century is readily accessible physically and spiritually by us 'moderns'. Physically it means getting on a plane and traveling into the Amazonian jungle and spiritually it means ingesting a shamanic plant that alters your consciousness. It's quite a bewildering twist of cognition at first as your perturbed mind will impact heightened emotions that will run the gamut from fear to intrigue and even if you run from it the experience will still remain with you for the rest of your life. If you pursue this mystery and continue on this journey it is hard not to connect it to a psychological understanding of the psyche, mythical quests, and arcane mystery cults of antiquity. In order to recover what is 'lost', the hero, the hero being you, must take a trip into this strange world which is the first step on a journey towards transcendence. Before this entry into the unknown, there will have been a preparatory crisis that was the impetus for taking this step. Many varied reasons will you confront why you shouldn't continue this quest once you get your feet wet. For me it was fear as confronting the dragon was very unpleasant. It stops you in your tracks and once routed you have a decision to make. After recovering back at home base I had a clear choice to make: I could go on living my life and run out the clock never returning to that strange place or I could get back on my horse and confront my fear. However deep down in my soul I knew I would live out a life of regret if I did not go back into the water world with courage mixed with a healthy dose of trepidation. The adventurer in me gathered up some inner strength and armed with protection from some spiritual helpers returned to shove the leviathan aside and continue the mythical quest. I did well, had some failures, but moved ahead in this most intriguing game.

I noticed during my time in the Amazon that the culture is duplicitous and from this I see how sorcery flourishes in this environment. For each act of healing there is an act of harm - it's the necessary corollary in order to maintain balance within this world. There's no use trying to circumvent this phenomenon; it has to be this way. In spite of this, there is a strange and strong attraction to this world, a pull I would describe as hypnotic. For instance when I am at home I always feel this desire to return to the jungle, for it is high adventure. After satiating the burning desire and returning into the chaotic jungle environment it seems after about ten days I'd want out of the madness. I'd write that I think I'm done with the plants and shamanism for a while. During ceremonies a little voice inside me would tell me not to do this anymore which I chalked up to fear. As well something within would always flag the experience as hypnotic and I'm very wary of that state and am uncomfortable at the thought of mind control. When I returned home last summer after my third trip to the Amazon I went through the requisite withdrawal symptoms and pined a little about the experience and thought about when I would return once again to the jungle, even though in my journal on the last day in the jungle I had written that I was done for a while. After returning to the normalcy of home I started having strange dreams about the place that in essence were telling me not to return though I tried to explain them away. A conversation with a friend set out in detail the confirmation of the nature of the Lower world, its healers, its sorcerers, the sideshows of this bizarre carnival atmosphere, and the need to move forward in my journey. The message was to be adventurous and don't get stuck in the water world. I finally fully realized the hypnotic pull of this mysterious chthonic region. It is very exciting and brings to my life a sense of mystery and wonder. I starting having recollections as well as dreams that were adding up and demonstrating to me that it's time to move on. I remembered the final visionary Vilca ceremony last summer in which I visited the three shamanic worlds. I was lifted up through the worlds by something resembling a hot air balloon and as the first stop was the Lower world it was curious that it got stuck for a bit in this world. At the time I remember thinking no I don't want to be here; I want to ascend but the balloon stayed put for a while. Now I realize what the vision was telling me: I'm attracted to that world, hypnotized by it, and I need to break free of it. Eventually the balloon continued on in the journey. It took me a year to grasp the full meaning of what the vision was trying to convey but once I added everything up it all made sense. I can't go back to the jungle, I am done with that part of the journey and it is time to forge ahead. Ascending the great mountain calls out to me now.

Thursday, May 4, 2017


When starting on this journey one of the first things confronted is your servitude. It becomes clear when the illusion is laid bare before you that you are a slave. A well fed and willing slave but a slave nonetheless. Knowing this, it eats away at you to escape the system but the thought of the loss of the comforts you have grown accustomed to presents a major challenge. When first faced with this dilemma I just wanted to return home from the vexing jungle and go back to my familiar servitude. I didn't want to face up to this challenge. Eventually I regrouped and was able to take steps forward on the journey, being more careful this time. I've reached the point where I'm using my servitude as a springboard to further my spirit quest but haven't cut ties to my bondage. My attachments, which are near and dear to me, curtail the freedom I head towards.

The use of psychedelics in a responsible manner will force you at some point to come to terms with identity, its malleability, and the constructs culture uses to keep the sense of whom you think you are rigid. The plant medicines also have an ability to open up your heart in an ineffable way, even if just temporary. You are shown what it is like to live with love in your heart. They reveal many secrets and at some point this clarity of being that you develop I think can lead to contentedness and inaction. I’ve been thinking about this lately along the lines of what happens when you reach a stage of perceived ‘enlightenment’? Does something holy descend upon you and give you a certificate and then you retire to your exalted place of awesomeness? All joking aside there seems to be a danger or a trap laid out for the seeker. One day I was discussing Greek mythology with my son, in particular the Gorgon Medusa, when an idea struck me about the metaphor of the stone that humans are turned into when they gaze upon her visage. The following is my unique esoteric interpretation of the myth based upon my journey into different dimensions of consciousness.

The myth of Medusa deconstructed lets us know directly by her head full of snakes for hair that she is an aspect of the Great Goddess.

Medusa by Arnold Böcklin, circa 1878

If you look directly at her you will turn to stone as the feminine power will birth you into this world and usher you through life into death - which really is just a transitional phase, a rebirth or becoming, into something new. This all makes for a great exoteric adventure story involving the demigod Perseus who must slay this Gorgon in order to free his mother from the clutches of an evil and amorous king.

Perseus with Medusa head

The king takes advantage of Perseus’ boasting of his strength and sends him on his way to return with the head of Medusa. He enlists the help of the deities Athena, Hermes, Hephaestus, and Hades to complete the task and is successful. He then uses the head of Medusa to immobilize the king and his court thus freeing his mother. In gratitude he gives the Gorgon head to Athena, who places it in the centre of her aegis.

Athena's aegis with Gorgon head

But what does all this mean?

To me Medusa is representing the world illusion, known in eastern philosophy as Maya, that entraps you through culture and identity games. As the hero on a hero’s journey, Perseus' ultimate task in his quest is to free himself from the stultifying effects of participating in the world system. To come face to face with that illusion, represented by Medusa, will turn you to stone. Why is that? It's because at some point anyone who has spent some time soul searching will come to the realization that this is all an elaborate game or hoax. At that point it is easy to declare a victory of sorts and decide you have figured it all out. You become complacent; this is what turning to stone is all about. The hero's journey comes to an abrupt end because you have the answer. You look directly at the illusion and it stops you in your tracks; there is no need to continue on. You become essentially a stone Buddha. Perseus had to figure a way out of this predicament which had felled many before him. This battle had the potential to stop him stone cold and he was victorious by reflecting the image of Medusa back onto her therefore causing her to turn to stone. He then beheaded her and used her head as protection against his foes in battle. Perseus heads back into the world, balancing his inner life, to continue the battle. The act of beheading her suggests a break with the mask of personality. We all wear our mask which is used to project the image we want to convey to the world we operate in however we all know or will discover that deep down we are all an act creating our own drama. The physical act of beheading is symbolically demonstrating that Perseus fully comprehends and sees through the game. The other elements of the story are also suggesting to us things we can use or expect on our journey. The help of the gods are accessible if your intentions are sincere. Take it for what you will but I received a cloak of protection from the Goddess the first time I entered into the ‘other realm’ and for sure I have needed it or I would have been throughly trounced. This cloak I perceive as the aegis of Athena. The freeing of his mother from the evil king is a metaphor for the overthrow of the ruling patriarchy of the world. In order to complete your quest you must at some point reconcile your relationship to the great mother goddess. Medusa has been described as both beautiful and ugly.

Is this not how we shiftingly view the world? At times we see its beauty and other times we are aghast. Seeing the illusion for what it is reveals a part of the created world which is surely upsetting. The snakes for hair demonstrate serpent power being the animating force of this world. But once again beauty is in the eye of the beholder; once you are over your initial shock you become free of the illusion and can use this knowledge to find peace within the game.

I am convinced some myths can only be decoded through experiential means. You have to live the myth yourself before approaching the essence of the mystery and its esoteric threads. This is my antidote to complacency.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017


The alkaloid nicotine found in the tobacco plant is used as a pesticide against herbivores. The shamans of the Upper Amazon tell us plants love tobacco smoke and tobacco can be used as a reciprocal offering when harvesting medicinal plants. These shamans don't have a scientific practice as far as I can ascertain, yet they know plants love tobacco smoke and will readily accept tobacco as an offering. Furthermore, prior to an Ayahuasca ceremony a competent shaman will build an arkana (magical fortress) around the ceremonial circle using mapacho (jungle tobacco) smoke for protection and also give each participant a personal icaro arkana (an icaro is a magical song learned from doing rigorous dieting with the plant) and a mapacho soplando, which is the blowing of the smoke over the participant. I figured these were rituals all used to keep 'evil' spirits away. What is going on here? In the 'physical' realm, which correlates with the shamanic middle world, tobacco smoke repels insects that prey upon plants and from a 'spiritual' standpoint the mapacho smoke repulses the parasitic entities of the etheric worlds that try to attach to our 'double’, which is the energetic body. I can't footnote or reference this information because the spirit of tobacco taught me this and without experience with plant medicines this is admittedly difficult to fathom and accept. However if you can let go of western paradigms and prejudices, in conjunction with acceptance of what is experienced in a plant medicine ceremony, this becomes fully plausible.

A few weeks ago my intuition suggested my tobacco education was going to move on to the next level. I received such a feeling because I had developed some kind of plateau or tolerance and I was experiencing a pleasurable smoke instead of the head rush followed by a clearing of the mind and a state of bliss that would last for ten minutes or so when smoking mapacho in the evening. I am of the curious sort so there must have been an expectation that I'd start experimenting with different methods of administration. I've been reading the book 'Tobacco and Shamanism in South America'

which reads like a textbook documenting the different tribes and how they use the plant, especially in a shamanic context. This gave me ideas on tobacco's power and how its sacred use was approached. So I started experimenting with different methods of inhalation. At the start of the week as I basically intoxicated myself with nicotine at a greater level I noticed this peculiar sensation of arousal. At first it would be sexual and then move on to the rest of my senses. Previously I had found the smoke to be very relaxing and I would want to lie down afterwards which was perfect to do before bedtime. I had not found it sexually arousing though I had wondered why I would wake up every night with an erection, which I did curiously note. Anyway I did this for a few nights but I figured I could go further with it so one night I tried rapidly puffing and then pausing with the smoke in my mouth for a while then releasing it. This method caused an immediate stirring in my loins and then a lightness and body weakness and the familiar head rush. This all took me a bit by surprise because it was pretty intense and I forgot to turn off my mind so I was bouncing around different ideas and acting almost like I was drunk. After I reigned all that nonsense in I returned to the heart space and remembered something of great importance. When I have drank Ayahuasca it has at times felt very erotic and occasionally the visions have become sexually charged. I then remembered about serpent power and how I had been given its secret and knew it could be used positively for sexual, health related, or spiritual power as well as a potential for misuse. It all then added up. The mapacho upon onset stirs what the Hindus call the kundalini power and the base level of that energetic force presents upon onset physically as sexual stimulation. It's funny, I already knew that but it took me a few tries to connect the dots with the sacred use of tobacco. What I am also thankful for is this knowledge that I have a choice in how I wish to use the power. Without this understanding I'd have figured I'd discovered an aphrodisiac! What I experienced my last trip to the Amazon was using this power to make your consciousness rise and it's how I became a jaguar. In the eastern tradition you may envision it as the feminine shakti power rising up the spinal column lighting up all chakras of your ethereal body until you are a fully realized spiritual entity.

rising power

So now my late evenings will be spent channeling the stirring of this energy into raising my level of consciousness. This realization took nine months from the time I returned from Peru last year to start my latest integration. I remember the first time I went down it took about the exact same time to the point where I felt strong and in control once again after my severe beat down. I find what is called the integration period after a cycle of work with the master plant medicines utterly fascinating, a continuing education of sorts and sometimes the lessons are hard and failure is part of the curriculum. But it is so rewarding. My deepest respect to my teachers - spirit, human, plant, and animal. In terms of understanding serpent power in my own experience I can also describe this power as light that has entered into the body and diffracted into different levels of vibration. The base vibratory power settles at the bottom of the spine and is red in colour. It is the common oscillation of this power, the lowest form of vibration, and in eastern mysticism is the root chakra which is very materialistic. Serpent power at this point is experienced sexually as well as in expressions of violent behaviour such as rage and anger. As your spiritual awareness is raised, the vibrational intensity of this power increases and this is depicted in the ascending colour scale of the chakras until once again the light returns to its pure white state and exits out of the crown chakra. This can be thought of as enlightening all the chakras and at this point you can keep your 'channel' open and be constantly enlightened by the light. The three areas primarily affected by serpent power in my experience are sexual potency, health and vigour, and spiritual ascendency. When this power is channeled into each area it necessarily takes away from the other area. With Ayahuasca it is a requirement of most traditions that the drinker abstain from sexual behaviour a few weeks before drinking and a few weeks afterwards. If you are expressing this energy out through sexual behaviour then there will be less energy accessible for healing and spiritual work. As well, I have also experienced where the body's use of this power to heal itself of sickness can be curtailed by engaging in sexual behaviour and temporarily deplete the self of this power. There is then a need to rebuild up stores of this energy. I have also found spiritually I am more in tune with my 'higher self' when I abstain from sexual behaviour. It seems this serpent energy presents with a constant choice where we can use it for sexual energy or spiritual energy if it is not needed to heal. When under the influence of Ayahuasca this has been presented to me very clearly. My body was in a heightened state of vibratory ecstasy, I was feeling the love, and I felt this energy coursing into me and rising on up out of my body. At this point my visionary activity became inundated with sexual imagery, in particular writhing, sexually charged women. I understood the visions at this time to be the direct result of this serpent energy and there is always a choice to channel this energy into the sexual or the spiritual. I chose the spiritual in this instance and it solidified my belief in this power and what it is used for.

I should also caution that by just smoking strong tobacco you are not going to achieve some epiphany of an available surging power within. I have spent ten years on this path of discovery and the last four years working with plant medicines and I am amazed at what I have discovered and I kind of feel it is a little bit accelerated due to my knowledge and understanding of ancient Egyptian mythology as well as an ability to make connections across different disciplines and cultures plus I have a treasured relationship with the Great Goddess. I also will warn that this wisdom is not easily accessible. There is a dragon on the path and other pitfalls that will steer you away from the unveiling. It's a challenge and I'm not sure many succeed on this journey. I experienced much failure but always got back up and eventually moved forwards. In a way I am hesitant of revealing this information however I do understand most will have no clue about what I am talking about and to get to a point where you know what I am talking about is a hard journey forward.

As an aside, an example of my continuing education with plant medicines is when a month ago I was in the woods smoking and I was pondering my direct experiences which I try to put an emphasis on. You can read and hear about others' experiences and thoughts but they remain just that so I think we should honour what we directly experience however accepted or not accepted by others. What I was pondering was my experience with the three worlds - lower, middle, and upper - which I experienced when I separated and floated away from my body after the inhalation of Vilca snuff. In each world I retained a sense of self though it was separate from the body. It's leading me to believe the self reflective consciousness that gives us a sense of some kind of autonomous self will remain upon bodily death and will remain as long as we remain in this dualistic cycle governed by the illusion of time, possibly to do more work or help others. It also helps clarify my experiencing of entities outside of a physical body. I was curious as to why we can sense these 'ghost' types when consciousness is perturbed if upon bodily death we return to the all and lose the sense of self. In essence we are each fundamentally the all which is of course what some major eastern teachings expound and this thinking entails all or nothing and no in between states upon bodily dissolution and liberation of consciousness but I am sensing there is self reflective consciousness in these in-between states and this explains why shamans will tell you these entities you meet are the ancestors and it personally explains my interactions with various spirits. And I believe it boils down to choice upon liberation from the body as long you haven't given away the ability to make that choice or have had some agent of a trickster convince you that you were part of some covenant or cult and have a debt to pay for your life. Where we are now is self reflective consciousness in a physical vehicle, the I Am paradigm, and if we choose we can fold back into the all and become part of the all once again but in the process lose the ability to know self without the mirror illusion construct we currently find ourself in.

Curious thing this serpent power is. It is erotically charged and being in a corporeal body that is a challenge difficult to master. Even in its latency the power must to a degree somehow influence the sex drive. I've always throughout my post pubescent life felt a rhythm to its coming and going, though I had no idea what it was, and at its peak found it uncontrollable, with a need to be satiated. I ceded control of it at some point to the darkness and along with that I started associating the sex drive with deviancy and attaching a negative connotation to it which corresponds with the prudish attitudes and mores of western civilization. The result of over thirty years struggle with this aspect of its power led finally to a mastery of its cycle and a period of celibacy in order to reclaim control. On the other hand, my journeys with plant medicines have tended to have an erotic aspect to them. My relationship with the Goddess is multi-faceted but the underlying aspect of it is an intense erotic attraction between us. With Ayahuasca she manifests as a beautiful seductive woman as well as charged whirling energy. My most recent experiences with the incredible plant medicines Ayahuasca and Huachuma revealed to me this power as serpent power and when I was struggling in these sacred ceremonies I discovered I could raise the level of my consciousness and become invincible by accessing this power. It is how I became the jaguar. I believe this is the power referred to by shamans as being able to access and then being human we succumb to temptation once discovered and start using it for personal gain. It has never been my intention nor my desire to enrich myself from the acquisition of this power. I am eternally grateful and thankful to the Great Goddess to ever allow my intentions to become selfish. I have been through enough to ever want to enter back into the quagmire of self aggrandizement and darkness.

I was walking in the woods yesterday with my dog when the antiquity of this power hit me. The biggest mystery of ancient Egypt - Osiris lying on a bier flanked by the two goddesses Isis and Nephthys and sporting a large erection.

ithyphallic Osiris

The gross reading of this curious story reveals the two goddesses, Isis and Nephthys, searched Egypt for the scattered remains of Osiris who had been dismembered by his brother Set. When they reconstituted him and made him hale, Isis was able to procreate with him and become impregnated by his seed. This led to the birth of Horus and is the exoteric understanding of the myth. Underlying this understanding however, once you know, is the energy of the serpent. When this energy is stirred within, its onset is sexually charged. There is a stirring in your loins and as I have mentioned smoking mapacho activates this power and I am at the point when I basically intoxicate myself with the plant the power is centred at first in my genitals as arousal. From there I know I have to become heart centred and allow the power to rise. Looking at the Egyptian mystery there is the raising of the djed pillar, which is the raising up of Osiris with some kind of magical power.

raising the djed pillar

Osiris wears the white crown which is the expression of this power being fully realized in the crown chakra. It's becoming Osiris. The realization of this power is depicted as the twin serpent sisters who rouse this energy within Osiris who had been murdered by his brother. Osiris is the eternal light that has embedded itself within human consciousness and then is left for dead after being assaulted by the darkness represented by Set. The depiction in art of the power enveloping Osiris is revealing only some of its awesome power. The full effect is left for mystery and those who know.

Another curious artifact from ancient Egypt are the caducei carried by the wisdom god Thoth which each have a serpent entwined on them.

Thoth with his wisdom caducei

The two serpents are representing the sisters Wadjet and Nekhebet who are serpentine forms of Isis and Nephthys. This is curious and leads me to believe Thoth as the god of wisdom is given his wise power by the serpents. Furthermore the two staffs he carries could possibly be phallic in symbolism. I speculate this is the case because his Greek counterpart, Hermes, has curious monuments to him distributed throughout Greece as phallic objects called ‘Herms’. The upshot of all this is the attainment of wisdom is through serpent power which reveals itself at first as sexual power that causes erection in the male! This gives new meaning to the healing rod of Asclepius, which is serpent entwined, when you think about it.

rod of Asclepius

The power to heal is the same power which is the impetus behind erection. This all leads back to my understanding of the serpent power being able to be used for sexual potency, health and vigour, and spiritual ascendency as well as being misused for personal gain. There is a strong sense of virility attached to this power being that it causes arousal upon activation. I am also reminded of the ancient Egyptian Sed festival whereby the Pharaoh had to prove he still had the strength to rule over the land and maintain possession of the double crown. Wadjet and Nekhebet would watch over the renewal of the Pharaoh's power and the ceremony would conclude with the raising of the djed pillar. As well, preserved in the tomb of an official of Pharaoh Amenhotep's court is this curious deference to the Great Goddess of Egypt Hathor in her serpentine form as being the provider of the power Amenhotep uses to rule.

Over the dancers and musicians in the lower register is a powerful invocation to the starry snake goddess of the night, Hathor 'Gold', whom they call on to rise and be propitiated through the dances they perform in her honour. But they dance not only for this beneficent queen of the night, shining in her fiery brilliance, but also for Amenhotep who has great need of her power.  In their chant to the goddess they implore her to take him to the east of the sky, to the place where at dawn, 'the doors of the sky open and a god goes forth pure'.  And this is what they sing:

Make jubilation for Gold
and sweet pleasure for
The Lady of the Two Lands,
that she may cause
Nebmaatre [Amenhotep], given life,
to be enduring.

Come, rise. Come
that I may make
Jubilation at twilight for you
And music in the evening.
O Hathor, you are exalted
In the hair of Re, in the hair of Re,
For to you has been given
The sky, deep night and the stars…

Hathor Rising, The Power of the Goddess in Ancient Egypt, Alison Roberts, pages 26-27

Serpent power is the mystery of the mysteries. It is so mysterious that when you have your first realization of it you deny it and are culturally taken aback by its presence. Western baggage and a religious heritage that denigrates the sacred feminine and the serpent will do that to you. For myself, there were erotically charged Ayahuasca sessions but I sensed no connection to the serpent. When I re-examine my second ceremony a few years back when I was transported to this city of gold where there were all these men gathered outside the castle where the Goddess resided, I realize now the erotic power of the serpent was manifesting at that point. When I looked around in my vision I noticed this crazy erotic vibe and many masturbating men not being able to control themselves in the presence of this power. I ascended the stairs to the castle entrance and the doorman told me no one gets in to see the Goddess. I looked to my right and saw her at the window and then I was allowed in to see her and what followed was an interesting sexual rendezvous and conjoining of our hearts. Later on in that cycle of work during the final Ayahuasca ceremony the Goddess appeared in her temple in Denderah in my vision. It was the ancient Egyptian goddess Hathor in her guise as the Goddess of Love dressed in a red corset and as she approached me and lay over top of my body I experienced the most erotic sensation that I have ever felt. Among many connections in the iconography of Hathor is a connection to the serpent Wadjet, representing the power of the rising serpent, and a subject of the aforementioned book by the Egyptologist Alison Roberts.

Following that ceremony, the first time I drank Huachuma a few days later it stirred within me this sexual energy once again - I commented that Huachuma was an aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac being an allusion to the Greek goddess Aphrodite who is equated with the Egyptian Hathor. That night when I laid in bed I closed my eyes and saw many writhing snakes in my vision. The second Huachuma ceremony I participated in is when I had a grand vision of the two huge serpents surrounding a magical light. Others were asking me what I was feeling and I remember saying 'serpent power' to which they looked at me in astonishment. I was puzzled too! Later on that evening when I was showering I looked down and saw serpents forming in the water. The next ceremony I remember feeling so much sexual energy being in the jungle and this overwhelming feeling of life and death. I witnessed the naked manifestation of the red (base) and green (heart) energy all around me. The presentation of the two colours were related to a shaman's ability to heal, to the pulsing sexual energy of the jungle, and then the energy manifested in the open heart being experienced by one of the women who was in the ceremony. There were no serpents in my visions at this time, instead this incredible energy was unveiling itself. At this point this energy was a bit disconcerting; I'd connected with it but I didn't quite know what it was. My last trip to Peru the third Ayahuasca ceremony was very serpent charged as at the conclusion of the ceremony I had a vision of a large green boa entering into me and settling on my left arm after she had transformed into a beautiful indigenous woman. Then another smaller serpent entered into me through my mouth and settled at the base of my spine and later that night while resting on the bed this serpentine energy coursed through me in an undulating rhythm. Further ceremonies I used this power to dispel the darkness and make my consciousness rise. I felt this power stirring at the conclusion of the fourth ceremony which was very erotically charged, in essence this power manifesting as an erotic woman and looking back I can see now how this power has constantly presented itself to me in the form of erotically charged scenarios. In the final ceremony it fuelled my transformation into the jaguar after I was assaulted by the darkness. I know fear had to be conquered before I sensed this mystery. It’s a confluence of cultures I have sensed in ancient traditions familiar with the serpent - Amazonian, Egyptian, and Hindu - applied to my own experiential mode of discovery. I know fully now what the mystery is, what the power is, and I know I have lots within. My intentions are pure and this next chapter is just beginning.