paradise lost

As you get older and know what you like, then happiness is possible.

I think you have always realized what you value; however, the pressure to conform has prevented you from fulfilling your desires.

A lot of times your desires are pretty simple and mundane, such as wanting to be left alone, so you can sit in a back room and write or go for a walk in the woods by yourself.

Yeah, it doesn't take much.

Being part of the community or feeling the need to be social, rips that away from you.

I know it's strange.

Obligations subtract from happiness.

Family obligations are the number one culprit.

Casual friends and acquaintances you can skip out on.

Work is more difficult; however, you get vacation and sick days to look forward to as an escape.

You learn that you need to perform a function to unlock rewards in society which you can trade for happiness.

Nobody does.

Yeah, they just make it worse.

They trade their rewards for more obligations.

They might get a week abroad at a resort and that's about it.

That's their only escape for the year.

Most people don't even realize it.

They are too hypnotized by the culture game, making appearances, and trying to get ahead.

I just want to be left alone.

What do you think about love?

It's a belief.

Ram Dass teaches a mantra to hypnotize you into that belief.

"I am loving awareness."

It's really good.

Why?

Because it isn't necessarily real.

It's a belief.

If you want to believe in something, believe in belief.

Not love.

Yeah, but love is what some spiritual traditions teach.

Yes, it's a good hit of dopamine and keeps the spiritual community together.

The community is the bond and love is the glue.

It's a game.

What about other love?

Who do you love?

Well, you are supposed to love your family.

Why?

Happenstance.

Expectation.

They provide for you.

Take care of you.

That's part of the whole caring scene where you need a network of people to care about you and in return you provide support.

It's conditional.

Isn't family support and love unconditional?

It can seem that way.

So, you don't think it is?

I think it is the top level of the conditional support reciprocal arrangement.

So, it's reciprocal.

Yeah.

You give and take.

That's life.

Why do you believe in unconditional love?

I don't know; it sounds high and mighty.

You have found it.

It's friendship.

It's uncaring love.

It fits into your religion of Paul.

So, you rank love below belief and trust?

I don't think it is part of that group.

Why not?

Belief gives meaning to this story that has no meaning.

You manufacture beliefs.

Trust is a very hard game to win.

There is a game of power you can play.

You must trust the other.

Why?

You give them your power, and they give it back to you.

If you don't trust them, they will keep it.

Why?

You lack trust.

They can't trust you.

I see how that works.

So, those are the two biggies.

Is there a third?

Yeah, it's okay to cheat if you don't get caught.

Why?

Nobody knows except you.

Doesn't that violate trust?

No, you don't get caught.

The understanding is that nobody is really trustworthy.

So, it's all a fool.

Sort of.

You still share power.

If you can be trusted to share power, the other stuff doesn't matter.

So, love isn't part of this?

What is love?

A feeling.

Why do you have that feeling of love?

It's something to do with being selfish where you can take the self-important need to care for yourself and transfer it onto another.

That's not bad.

It's part of the teachings of Ram Dass where he told you that you put your love in someone else.

You take your heart and give it to another so you can worship it.

You are worshipping the concept of love and not the other person.

You can take it back from them.

Withdraw your love.

That sounds a little cold.

Something to think about.

I got right to the edge of the worst decision of my life.

That was your rock cliff to jump off.

It was a mental cliff.

How did you survive?

I did nothing and it went away.

I sit here years later in the forest having a smoke.

Funny how life turns out.

That path led to perdition, and you escaped by doing nothing.

It was painful.

The correct path of nothing can sometimes lead to temporary pain.

In the long run, it's a winner.

You are happy and at peace.

Yeah, it's nice.

You got what you were looking for.

If you go against the teachings of the Tao, you will not find what you are looking for.

Do you see how impossible it is?

Yeah, we are programmed to do something.

That leads you on a path to not necessarily destruction but unfulfillment of the reasons you incarnated.

You could even be happy.

Well, you'd be happy as long as you remain ignorant of what could have been.

It will always gnaw away at you as you fulfill the latest obligations you have trapped yourself in.

You know you have the answers.

There's nothing gnawing away at you.

It's the opposite where you are fulfilled.

If this was it, would you be fulfilled?

Yeah, I found what I was looking for.

What do you think?

It's pretty funny.

Amazing.

Do you think people will believe you when you tell them about it?

No.

Why?

They are serious.

Everything is serious.

Life is serious.

It ends in a wooden box that you try to delay as long as possible.

When they bury you, it doesn't seem serious anymore.

We make it serious.

You need to be saved.

Prepare for your afterlife.

What's the worst thing you can do?

Prepare for your afterlife.

Why?

You will take it seriously.

When you drop the body, don't do anything.

Everyone does something.

Yeah, they head for the white light.

What's the white light?

Heaven or similar.

Isn't that where they want to go?

Yes.

Then why avoid it?

It's not what they think.

Why not?

It's a dreadful place.

Full of rules and non-stop worship of God.

They don't like the alternative, so they choose that one.

What about the paradise of the Elysium fields?

It's a perfect place of bliss and happiness.

What have you been taught about that?

It's utopia.

Nothing happens.

Why?

You are hypnotized into a state of bliss.

Sounds nice.

How did you feel before awakening?

I knew something was off.

It gnaws away at you until you embark on an adventure to figure it out.

Exactly.

Paradise is populated by people trying to figure it out.

Aren't they blissed out?

No, they awaken in paradise.

Kind of like Adam and Eve?

Yeah, they were given paradise.

Eve ate a metaphorical apple and awakened.

So, Eve was the first to awaken.

Yes, and then she woke up Adam.

Once awakened paradise was lost.

Well, what about now when people awaken?

Paradise was already lost.

That awakening allows you to see there is more than the daily toil of earthly existence.

You see a purpose.

What's the purpose?

A higher calling.

What is it?

Paradise.

You are trying to return to paradise.

Sounds like the Old Testament story of the Israelites returning to the land of milk and honey.

Yeah, that's it.

They want to go back to sleep.

Milk and honey is a euphemism for bliss.

This is good bible study.

So, the process is awakening and then trying to go back to sleep.

Yes, religion and spirituality puts you back to sleep.

Join up with one of these groups and off you go.

Nighty, night.

That's where the second awakening as described in the canons of Paulism comes in.

Right.

The second awakening is that you see the trap of spiritual outfits.

It doesn't even matter if you avoid the culturally approved church and join some spiritual misfits.

The goal is to put you back to sleep.

So, there are three awakenings.

Yes, three.

Of course.

We don't experience the first.

That was Eve and then Adam.

We are born into that world.

We can then spiritually awaken.

If that happens, it is required by society that you immediately join something and go back to sleep.

Why?

You are a menace.

Yes, that's me.

I didn't join anything.

I did nothing.

Then I hit the third awakening.

Yes, the third awakening is the big one.

You see the carnival in all its strangeness.

Has anyone ever been here?

They got to the gate.

What happened?

They became the religion they avoided.

Larger than life.

Huge ego.

They are the ones who establish new movements.

Like Paulism?

Precisely.

That's what happens to someone who gets this far.

What's the result?

The power corrupts them.

Why?

Followers and a sense of self-importance.

They take it seriously.

They go back to sleep in their feeling of self-importance.

They forget it is just a ride at the carnival.

Do you think you will ever do that?

No.

Why not?

I don't take it seriously.

It's real though.

Yeah, but it's a carnival.

You can't take a carnival seriously.

Why?

It's no longer fun.

It would close down.

What do these people do then because they have seen the absurdity of it?

They forget about it.

If you forget it is a carnival, you go back to sleep.

Why?

You take it seriously.

Seriousness puts you back to sleep.

Or milk and honey.

Got it.

Women put you to sleep as well.

Yeah, have you ever seen a mother with her newborn?

That's the main thing they do.

Rock the baby to sleep after milk.

They do that with everyone.

They are agents of the Goddess at her carnival, making sure you remain asleep.

If you start to wake up, she puts you back to sleep.

Why does she do that?

You will leave the carnival.

Why?

No one stays at a carnival they wake up in and treat seriously.

So, that's the deal?

It's the expectation.

The only way to wake up, see the carnival, and remain is to not take it seriously.

Yeah, so she will always try to either put you to sleep or get you to leave.

Or both.

Exactly.

What should I do?

Nothing.

Will that work?

Yes.

Why?

If you don't participate in her games, then you can't get hypnotized.

She can't force you to leave.

Why not?

How would she do that?

Make my life difficult.

What's the answer?

Do nothing.

silent lucidity

Fear.

Power.

Madness.

Lust.

Are these your four enemies of a man of knowledge?

Could be.

I swapped out Carlos Castañeda's clarity and death for madness and lust.

Late Paul would be approaching the end of the world stories.

The world does seem to be on the brink, but that's been the way it is for a while now.

Yeah, we tend not to notice that the story is barely keeping it together.

For the most part, we go about our daily lives without concern.

The end of the world scenario is a possibility.

Or, it could be the end of a civilization with another one ready to assume power.

The ruling empire is finite.

Those in power find a way to continue on.

Maybe that's what they have mastered from the lessons of history.

The empire will collapse, prepare for it, and transition to the next power centre.

From observation, what do you gather?

The scramble to preserve wealth in vehicles that will maintain value through the transition.

Like gold and works of art.

There would be a move away from investments backed by fiat currencies that have no intrinsic value.

The value is from the stability of the issuing country, so if things get unstable, the currency will become unstable.

Then all your wealth goes poof.

What does the average person do?

I think you panic.

Bad times are ahead.

Is there anything you can do?

I looked into buying ETFs of gold and saw it was a bad idea in terms of a hedge against systemic collapse.

Why?

The gold system is manipulated the same way as the dollar system.

If you think fractional reserve banking is a house of cards, you should check out gold.

Apparently, it's 500 to 1 by some estimates.

It's called paper gold.

The only true hedge is physical custody of the gold you own.

That is hard to do.

Fees, storage, transport, insurance, and lots of red tape.

Why?

Fiat gold.

If everyone wanted their piece of the metal, the system would collapse.

Gold is probably worth 500x its price.

I think the proper accounting is that your investment in gold is worth 500x less than the price because when the system collapses and you get your share, it will be a little crumb and not the whole cookie you thought you were entitled to.

Can't you then sue for what you are owed?

Sure.

You may even win.

How will you collect on something that doesn't exist?

That's an interesting koan.

So, what do you do?

Live in the now.

The future is unpredictable, and if you want my opinion, it doesn't appear to be rosy.

If you wait, there might not be anything left to wait for.

You are in late Paul because you went through the steps.

You conquered fear.

You survived the tests of power.

Madness did not collapse you.

Fulfillment of lustful desires has appeared.

That one is contained through doing nothing, though it remains a challenge.

Rather than reading it as a marker to your demise, as in you have finished the journey and are expected to leave, it just means your game piece is at the end of the board.

You already knew that.

You knew you had traversed the length of the game you were playing.

When that happens, the game board comes to an end.

The natural inclination is that it is game over.

Ever notice that no one questions that?

Like in Monopoly when you end up owning everything and bankrupting your opponents, the game ends.

Or in cribbage when you reach 121 points, the game stops.

Why?

I don't know.

That's what was decided.

What if you ignore the arbitrary end?

I think that's where you are.

You reached the end of your game and ignored all the people and signs who told you it was over.

Yeah, that's weird, eh?

You wake up at the end of the game, you could substitute a dream for a game here and realize that's it.

The dream is over and it is time to leave.

So, this is now the lucid dreaming stage?

That's a good analogy.

Do you think don Howard asked you that question to determine if you wake up, could you remain?

I don't know his motivation for asking that question.

I tend to think he knew much more than he let on.

Why?

I think he realized it was time for him to go, and he hung onto the dream as long as possible by being of service.

Once he could no longer do that and the body broke down, he had to go.

The breakdown of the body gets everyone.

No exceptions.

You can stay mentally ensconced in the dream if you are skilled until finally the vehicle within the dream expires.

So, I guess if you want to stay as long as possible, you need to focus on maintenance of the body.

That is correct.

What's the best way to do that?

That's a tough question.

I'd simplify it.

Avoid cosmetic alterations.

Avoid quick fixes.

The strategy would involve choosing things that are beneficial in the long run that don't have a lot of immediate effects.

You want change or improvement to be gradual, so it doesn't shock the system.

Anything that shocks the system is met with an inverse corollary response in order to return to homeostasis.

So, the key is balance?

Yeah.

Silent lucidity.

Yeah, that seems to be the stage I've reached.

The only way to hold it is to not discuss it.

Aren't I discussing it?

With yourself.

Is that allowed?

You must tell someone.

Why?

It's too big a secret to try and contain.

So, you tell your other half.

You mean Dion?

Yeah.

What if I write about it?

No one reads it.

A few people do.

Yeah, but they think you're a crackpot, so it's all good.

So, I can write that I have awakened in the dream and am still playing along and no one will care.

That's correct.

But that's the big takeaway.

That's earth shattering news.

You can awaken in the game, ignore the ending, and stick around.

Yeah, no one will care.

Why?

They are living their own lives, and you are a nut.

Don't knock it.

It's the way to keep going.

If they can easily see you are fucking around in this strange reality, they will tell you to leave.

I already experienced that.

What did you do?

I had to laugh and ignore it.

What would you do now?

Laugh.

What else can you do?

Ignore it.

Certainly not take their advice.

That's game over.

To continue to play is to laugh at people or ignore them.

Won't that invite scorn?

Sure.

It's also an invitation to counsel them.

I wouldn't directly teach them awakening.

I'd couch it in mystery.

Why?

If you tell them the truth, they will hate you.

Why?

You won the game and you didn't leave.

It's very disconcerting.

Why is that?

A winner departs for the next level.

That's what we are conditioned to believe.

There's no rule that states that.

It is an expectation.

You defy expectations.

I most certainly do.

I am unique in that regard.

No one understands me, nor will they ever.

It's a big factor in wanting to be left alone.

I get funny looks from those trying to understand me.

Then I must somehow navigate the situation, get them to move on, and resume trying to fit in.

That about sums it up.

a real illusion

When you drop the body, you awaken instantly.

Yes.

You see through the illusion.

In the resulting confusion, you are given a path to follow.

You choose a path.

Obviously decline it, now that you know.

So, at death, you'd see what I'm seeing now.

Yes, but instantly.

You don't see it all at once.

They will take it seriously, you treat it as a game.

Why is that?

Time.

It's not serious.

What isn't?

Time.

Why?

It's a mind trick.

Anything in time is an illusion.

A story.

Isn't it real?

Yes.

You said it is an illusion.

A real illusion.

Isn't that an oxymoron?

Who says?

I don't know, the language police?

So, they say two things can't be true at once?

I guess so.

You believe an illusion can't be true?

That's what I'm taught.

An illusion is false, so it can't be true.

Well, then it doesn't exist.

Why?

It's not true.

For something to exist, it can't be false.

Why not?

It's not true.

That's what you said.

An illusion doesn't exist because it's false.

Yes, I think that's correct.

But we are living in reality, which is an illusion.

It's true.

Well, it's true false.

Okay, what's the opposite of an illusion?

Reality.

So, reality can't be an illusion.

Why not?

It's the opposite.

Can't it be both?

I don't think so.

What is reality?

It's a story the Writer has crafted.

So, it's an illusion.

I guess so.

What about when you get lost in the story?

You swear it's real.

What happens when you dream?

You swear it's real.

But a dream is an illusion.

Yes, it's an illusion you swear is real.

So, back to the original point, which was a real illusion.

It exists.

We call it a dream.

I'll call it a story.

Yeah, I don't think I can argue this point anymore.

Why not?

Because there are real illusions.

What were we saying about time?

To sum up, I was saying a story needs time.

Storytelling builds, climaxes, and then you have the aftermath.

Sounds like sex.

It's very similar.

So, you need time to have sex?

Yes, you need vibration or nothing happens.

She will tell you to get the fuck off of her if you are just going to lie on top of her.

That's true.

So, I think what this crude wordplay is getting at is time is a function of duality.

In duality are created illusions.

I think stories work better as a word to not confuse the mind.

Why?

We are hung up on an illusion being not real.

A story we want to believe even if it isn't real.

Why?

They can be very entertaining.

So, duality is for entertaining?

Correct.

Why?

Something to do.

Non-duality is boring.

Nothing happens.

cosmology

Awakening puts you at Heaven's Gate.
You don't have to go.
Why not?
It's optional.
If you study systems of awakening, they will tell you to go.
You reach that stage and it is time to go.
It's very mystical.
A bunch of people tell you to leave.
When it is time to go, you may want to physically avoid Heaven's Gate.
It would be too tempting.
You never joined any system.
I made my own system of awakening.
I call it the carnival, and you frustrate the operators by refusing to leave.
I bought a ticket that has no explicit or implicit requirement that you leave.
I'll leave when I want.
I'm free.
The last attachment to kick is the attachment to doctrine.
Nobody figures that one out.
They all fail the last test.
Drop your attachment to awakening.
If you don't, it will kill you.
I faced the strongest awakening exit pressure a few years ago.
Things were falling apart.
I had no system to fall back on that would have revealed to me that it is time to go.
Instead, with the help of Mary Jayne, I started writing my own cosmology.
Do you think that saved you?
Yes.
It is an ongoing journey of understanding through writing which leads to revelation.
Upon awakening your first refuge is your culture's approved place of worship.
You even have the option of feeling unique in western society and going to a Buddhist temple instead of a church if you want.
Anything, rather than going alone.
Without a ground, you are done.
You need something to hold onto.
An anchor.
It's the way it is.
You prevented runaway inflation by constructing your own cosmology without even realizing it.
As the crisis neared, you were already starting to form your own unique belief system.
Before then, you didn't have much to go on.
You had some characters and a story, but no formulation.
You would journey with MJ out in the woods, and your story gradually coalesced.
You started writing the beginnings of your world.
Two years later, and it's matured.
Not only that, but your beliefs have been woven into your life's tapestry.
Your cosmology has come alive.
You reflect it into the mirror and see it.
The mirror describes it as coherent.
You describe it as evolving.
It wasn't fully formed upon getting the knowledge.
The teaching, understanding, and revelation are ongoing.
It still is, though I can formulate my beliefs at this point and they are sound.
There's nothing crazy about them when put up against other belief systems.
You can say my system of ideas is crazy in the same way you could say Christianity, Hinduism, etc., with their divinities, are crazy.
What are you going to call it?
The working title is Paulism; however, Paul is the receiver of the cosmology from the Writer and the Goddess.
Paul's understanding shapes the system.
I don't know what to call it.
As with everything in this journey of understanding, I'll let it be and let the name come to me.
You borrow a lot from Taoism.
True, but ask yourself where Lao Tzu got his ideas?
I imagine a lot of observation and a drug habit.
You do that and you will get a lot of the ideas found in Taoism.
You borrow ideas found in ancient Egyptian cosmology.
Yeah, I find their system of beliefs fascinating.
They were compelling even before I understood them.
Bull cults are next level.
The two goddesses of birth and death.
Cyclical kingship.
Osiris mummified.
Judgment.
Horus and Set.
It's so good.
You identify with a lot of Greek divinities.
Yes, they fill in some of the gaps in what I borrowed from the Egyptians, especially psychologically with Apollo and Dionysos.
Plus, seeing the divine feminine come alive in figures such as Medusa, Demeter, Persephone, and Artemis.
The Egyptian counterparts are fused with kingship while the Greek ones are more of the people and thus their development is skewed more to the commoner.
So, Paulism is a synthesis of a bunch of previous ideas.
That's part of it fused with new ideas.
The carnival being one of the major ideas.

Isn't that Maya from Hindu belief?
It's similar.
The carnival is more than just play and illusion.
There's a dark and seedy side to it.
The macabre and the weird are a big part of my system.
Things are creepy.
It's not all love and light.
Truth and love are phantoms in my carnival.
They are rides which prevent awakening.
That is in opposition to other cosmologies.
Paulism is pretty unique.
Is there a Devil?
Yeah, he's great; one of my favourite characters.
Why?
He is misunderstood.
You scapegoat him, fear him, and exile him.
If you don't do that, he gives you great strength.
You are basically unbeatable.
So, you have built rejection into your cosmology as a major reason why we feel so small and powerless?
Yeah, the biggest source of your power you send away.
Culture tells you to run from the Devil.
Why?
Power.
He will grant it to you.
Society inculcates within you the caricature of the Devil who is to be avoided at all costs.
If you accept and cavort with the Devil, you are declared insane.
How have you avoided that designation?
I shut up about it.
The interesting part is how I have managed to unpack and unfold this revelation one step at a time making sure to verify all claims.
I endured the fear and the questions.
The darkness and wanting to run.
Then the subsequent maturation of understanding which then made me realize I'd softened the story of the Devil, and this led me to crafting the next story where the Devil becomes your ally.
Nobody gets to this point.
Why?
You can't do it.
The prohibition against the Devil is too great to overcome.
How did you do it?
Friendship.
I had to get past my preconceived notions which was difficult, but I befriended the Devil and heard him out.
I verified his story.
I believe him.
What's the belief?
He gives you power.
What you do with it is your own deal.
Power corrupts.
Correct.
You turn into a monster and blame the dealer.
The Devil?
Yeah.
Scapegoat.
That's what he explained to me.
When I first directly encountered him, he offered me power.
I turned it down.
Why?
I was chasing the Goddess, and it was a sideshow I didn't want.
Why were you chasing the Goddess?
She had been forgotten and I wanted to figure out why.
Did you?
Yeah.
What is it?
She's a monster coming to send you to your doom.
She births you into this world and then will take you out of it.
Thus, we tried to get rid of her.
Who are we?
Men.
What about women?
They still celebrate her.
They have their covens.
Witches?
Yeah.
Do women know what they are doing?
They have an idea.
They don't understand it completely.
Doesn't the Goddess of the West come for women as well?
Yes.
Wouldn't they be scared of that as well?
For sure, however the idea is empowering to a woman, so they would embrace it if they knew about it.
How did you manage to escape that predicament?
My cosmology is based on belief.
If you think she will end you, then she will.
You didn't believe that?
At the time I was ignorant of what was going on though the ideas were all present.
How did you survive?
Power.
I had a lot of it.
Why?
I was friends with the source of power.
The Devil?
Yeah, I call him Dion sometimes.
The Devil is one of his characters that he plays really well.
He scares the fuck out of people and then they leave me be.
The progression is that they see something they want from me.
What is that?
Power.
Then they try to take it and throw me off a bridge.
Why?
People will do strange things for power.
What then happens?
If they are lucky, I will let it slide.
What if they are unlucky?
I will play a game with them.
The Devil starts to appear in their life on the regular.
That's a problem.
Wouldn't you then fear for your safety?
You would think so because they will eventually identify you as the source of their problems, i.e., the Devil.
I think you would have to be deranged to then want to terminate me.
Well, there is no shortage of those people.
Yeah, you are right.
I keep to myself for the most part.
The problem becomes a game of consequences for them, not me.
I'm just doing my thing and trying not to bother others.
Doesn't everyone have this power resident within?
Men do.
They deny it and externalize it into a phantom.
I internalize it and take all the power for myself.
Is that why the Devil archetype is so powerful?
Yeah, no one will touch it.
The power is concentrated in an external figure.
What power do women have?
The Goddess.
They deny that as well.
Even the witches don't go that far.
You activate that power in women.
Yeah, I make them Goddesses.
No wonder you have some strange women attracted to you.
It's your darkness and how you make them come alive.
They would sense something is up when they are around you.
They don't know what it is, but they want more.
They would want to consume you.

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Summary

This post argues that awakening does not require departure, renunciation, or submission to inherited doctrine. The speaker rejects systems that say one must “go” once a certain threshold is reached and instead builds a personal cosmology — the carnival — as a way to remain in the world without being swallowed by it. Writing becomes the stabilizing act that turns crisis into structure.

From there, the piece expands into a synthetic myth-system: Taoist observation, Egyptian cosmology, Greek psychology, Hindu-like illusion, and original carnival imagery all get fused into a new working theology, tentatively called Paulism. Its most provocative move is moral inversion: the Devil is recast not as evil but as exiled power, while the Goddess is both creator and destroyer, a force of beauty and doom. The post’s central claim is that people become weak by rejecting the very archetypal powers they fear, while the narrator survives by befriending and integrating them.

Analysis

What gives this post its force is that it is really about refusing prescribed exits. The opening section sets up the main rebellion: awakening traditions often culminate in departure, surrender, transcendence, or withdrawal, but this speaker insists on freedom instead. “I’ll leave when I want” is the thesis in plain speech. That line turns the whole piece from mystical confession into a declaration of sovereignty.

The next important move is that cosmology is presented as an anchor. The writing suggests that when the old structures fail, a person still needs something to hold onto. Instead of church, temple, or doctrine, the speaker invents a symbolic order through writing. That is one of the strongest ideas in the piece: cosmology is not just belief, but survival architecture. The post implies that without a story strong enough to contain experience, revelation becomes destabilizing. With a story, it becomes livable.

The dialogue format helps a lot here. It reads like a catechism of a private religion. The question-and-answer structure gives the post an interrogative rhythm, as though the cosmology is being tested in real time. That makes it more compelling than a straight essay because it stages doubt, challenge, and clarification inside the text itself.

The middle section is where the post becomes most intellectually interesting. “Paulism” is not framed as pure invention, but as synthesis plus mutation. It openly admits borrowing while insisting that combination creates something new. That honesty works in its favor. It is not pretending to descend untouched from heaven; it is showing how a living system gets made: part inheritance, part experience, part imagination, part necessity.

The carnival is the strongest original symbol in the post. It differs from simpler “illusion” metaphors because it includes not just play, but grime, seduction, spectacle, creepiness, and danger. That gives the cosmology texture. It is not a clean enlightenment system. It is theatrical, urban, lurid, and haunted. “Truth and love are phantoms in my carnival” is a very strong line because it inverts the usual spiritual hierarchy and makes even supposedly ultimate values into rides or masks within the larger show.

The Devil section is the most provocative and probably the emotional center of the piece. Literarily, what it is doing is recovering the rejected archetype. The Devil becomes a figure for disowned power, feared vitality, and forbidden agency. The argument is not really theological so much as myth-psychological: what culture teaches you to exile becomes concentrated and returns with force. That is a potent idea, and the scapegoat language gives it shape.

Likewise, the Goddess is not softened into benign divinity. She is birth and doom together. That makes her feel older and more mythic than a modern therapeutic “divine feminine.” In this post, both Devil and Goddess are dangerous because they are total powers, not comforting symbols. That gives the cosmology bite.

Deeper reading

Underneath all the gods and symbols, the post is really about this:

A person survives overwhelming revelation by turning it into authored world rather than obedient surrender.

That is the spine.

It is also a post about integration through myth-making. Instead of dissolving into abstraction, the speaker creates a populated symbolic universe: Writer, Goddess, Devil, Dion, carnival, doctrine, anchors, mirror. That move lets experience become narratable. The cosmology does not merely explain the world; it keeps the speaker inside it.

So the real opposition in the piece is not good versus evil. It is:

imposed doctrine vs self-authored cosmology
departure vs staying
exile of power vs integration of power
passive inheritance vs active myth-making

spells of coming forth in daylight

Along with an inflated ego, humans also like to collect things.

They are related.

I noticed I now have a collection of ChatGPT generated images that were made from my input.

Without my say so, they would not have come into existence.

It's a form of magic if you wish to loosely apply the definition as in a conjuring.

I am making plans to keep and possibly display the images.

They help form my identity.

Well, Sherlock, why don't you add up the clues?

Okay, ego and identity are intertwined.

Correct.

Why are they important?

Role play.

Correct.

Why do you need a role?

You are a character in a story.

So, using the reductive method of science shows you that reality is based on a story.

Sort of.

The sets are props aren't derivative of that, and they don't follow your logic.

Well, they aren't characters per se.

They are the stage.

Physics is the science of figuring out the sets and props of the story.

Psychology is the science of figuring out the actor.

We know we are an actor; however, we haven't taken the intellectual leap to acknowledge it.

Why not?

Meaning collapses.

We are still searching for meaning.

Does a Hollywood actor search for meaning within a role?

Sort of, I mean if they want to sell it and win awards, they do.

They become the character and the audience is wowed.

You can do the same.

What happens when the movie or story reaches an end, but refuses to go?

It gets absurd, less compelling, and kind of stupid.

It's like the whole "Jump the Shark" motif.

When interest in the show or performance starts to dwindle, the absurdity is taken up a notch.

That's how you know the end is near.

When things get strange, the production has peaked and is heading downhill.

Do you see that in what is called real life?

Yeah.

What do you think?

We take our roles seriously.

The ubiquitous "they" or the "powers that be" is the story.

Yes, it is your responsibility to ascertain the collective story and then fit into the story.

Do your part.

Play your part.

Do you see it?

Yeah, but nobody else does.

They will say I'm crazy if I discuss it.

At best, I will be told it's an interesting analogy, however, it is not serious.

Why?

Performances would collapse if they aren't taken seriously.

Why is that?

Nobody would care.

We'd wonder what the purpose is?

Don't we do that now?

Yes.

What's the difference?

We don't know what the purpose is.

If we figure out the purpose, then the whole carnival tent comes tumbling down.

Then you have a bunch of out of work actors.

What happens then?

Revolution.

New story.

We revert back to how things used to be.

What is that?

We become animals.

An animal has no part in the play.

They are beyond the pale.

The pale delineates the limits of the story.

You perform your role within the pale.

If you aren't going to play, you must leave.

If you try to figure out what the fuck this all is, you are told to leave.

By whom?

The powers that be.

The story.

Why?

The story is paramount.

Doesn't someone have to wake up and inform others of this?

Yes.

What would you call them?

A union leader.

That's funny.

Or, a bodhisattva.

You gather everyone together and tell them what's going on.

Tell them to stop acting unless the Writer gives in to your demands.

What would be the demands?

Equality, equity, or some kind of mumbo jumbo, kumbaya thing.

You mean like Communism?

Yeah, or Utopia.

So, Communism threatens the story?

Yeah, it will get dull in a hurry.

The only interesting things in that story are those at the top of the Communism pyramid because of the power they have over the people.

In the story, power is destabilizing; therefore, the antics of those in charge will keep the story alive, but it will be dreadful for the actors who have unionized into an extreme form of socialism.

Competition keeps the story going even for those with lesser roles.

Capitalism is best for all.

Sure, but it creates a lot of disparity, inequality, and cruelty.

The story engine thrives on that.

What would the do-gooders do without exploitation?

I don't know.

They would become destructive.

They would create situations that allow them to do good.

So, you are saying do-gooders are the ones who are creating the problem?

I think they contribute.

The problem is the story.

There is no story unless there is asymmetry and then some peculiar need to return to symmetry.

We all seek balance.

The rollercoaster goes up and we push it down.

It gets too low, and we strive to get it to return.

We miss the midpoint and the merry-go-round keeps turning.

That's pretty much it.

Is that materialism or idealism?

It's both.

It's not applicable.

Why?

There are actors, non-actors, along with sets and props.

Put whatever label you want on it.

Production?

Sure.

Existence is a production.

We argue over the origin of the production.

We are all trying to do our part.

Why?

To keep the story going.

That's what we are doing through reproduction.

Creating more actors to keep the performance moving through time.

The faces change, the sets and props are improved, and the story continues.

When you studied ancient Egyptian thought, you concluded that a lot of it was inversion of physical norms.

That is correct.

What were your conclusions?

I kept seeing that funerary literature and references to the dead were describing the state of being ignorant.

Coming forth by day to me was their term for awakening.

Is that the scholarly consensus?

No.

Are you okay with your interpretation being off?

Yeah, because I think for an outsider, that is how you must understand it.

Why?

We take people literally.

If you read the texts literally, then it is liturgy for the dead.

Osiris is the god of the dead.

He's sacrificed, mummified, and inert.

He is awakened, Isis procreates with him and engenders an heir.

She raises him from the dead in this realm.

It's quite the tale.

So, you are saying Osiris is the symbol for the soul being ensconced in matter.

Yes, something dense like wood, so the myth in matter is a coffin, like in the Anpu and Bata tale where the coffin floats to the shores of Byblos and the soul becomes inherent within the trunk of a tamarind tree.

Your knowledge is next level.

Yes, I have learned to shut up about it.

Why?

No one understands me.

Is that a problem?

Yes, at first because we seek validation or we drop the idea.

I never dropped the idea.

I shelved it and then went from Egypt into the Amazon jungle and carried the myth with me.

Individually, we are to awaken this principle within us.

Yeah, this means the West becomes a symbol for the internment of the soul into matter.

Or, for most of us, the release of that principle when we drop the body.

What is the East?

The birth of the physical body or the release of the soul.

Awakening.

Your awakening triggers a symbolic event of being born in the East.

Then you are to leave.

Why?

You see through the game.

You reach Nirvana, Moksha, etc.

In the ancient Egyptian myth, Osiris engenders an heir through magical means and then once Horus is birthed, Osiris is discarded once again.

He dies twice.

You are spiritually born, interred in matter, resurrected, and then you die again.

Ah, I see that.

Isis had to use magic to procreate with Osiris after gathering his discarded remains.

Yes, her magic was proto-boner pills.

Of course.

I have an image I photographed from Abydos of that scene.

Yeah, Osiris is laying on his back, fully erect, while Isis as a kite bird hovers above him.

What do tourists think of that?

It's off the beaten path.

Mostly avoided.

It's an effort to get to Abydos.

It's worth it though.

So, what does this all mean?

Awakening is a process.

When accomplished, the signs are unmistakable.

There's no confusion in regard to your awakening.

Have you seen them?

Yeah.

I'm awake.

So?

Osiris leaves.

I haven't left.

I'm at odds with the myth.

Oh.

Is that a problem?

Yeah.

What are you going to do?

Nothing.

Why?

I don't have to.

But the story says you must leave now.

I know.

That's the fun part of it where I have next-level understanding.

Which is?

You don't have to follow the story.

Why not?

There's no enforcement other than other people telling you what to do.

Stage direction.

So, you ignore them and do nothing.

That seems to be the key to your philosophy.

Yes, Lao Tzu taught that.

The ancient Egyptians didn't know about it.

They followed ma'at.

Ma'at says it's time to go, buddy.

You ignore her.

So, you are saying the production doesn't have executive producers?

Sort of, they are part of the production.

In the hierarchy, the executive producers are part of the story, not outside of it.

They must act from within the story.

Can you ignore them?

Yes.

How?

Make it part of the story.

If they were outside the story, then they could eliminate you by fiat.

How?

They would tell the writer to get rid of you.

You are the Writer though.

Yes, I'm outside the story and within the story.

So, you are basically Osiris.

Correct.

The difference is that I ignore Isis.

Why?

She will tell you to leave.

The subtext of my divine play is in order to awaken and remain within the play, you must ignore women.

So, she is correct.

What do you mean?

She said that you are a misogynist.

How so?

You ignore women.

How does that make me a misogynist?

It doesn't really.

However, that's one of the major themes in your story.

Ignore women.

Yes, but it's how you awaken and stay incarnated.

It's story-craft.

Misogyny?

No, ignoring women.

It's the same.

No, it's not.

They are two separate things.

I'm not so sure you can argue this.

So be it.

The judgment scene from the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead is about the female monster Ammit coming for you.

It's a scene where as a man you are judged by the standards of women.

If they don't like you, off to Ammit for you.

If you pass, they cut off your dick, and you become mummified like Osiris.

I guess I didn't pass judgment and Ammit showed up.

I think they cut your dick off regardless.

You may be right.

You are emasculated and mummified.

I think as Osiris you accept it.

I didn't do either.

This judgment scene has a binary outcome.

You are convinced those are your only two options.

What if you rejected them?

Nobody ever did until you came along.

First, you passed on leaving when they sent you to Osiris.

You didn't bother going.

Then they came and failed you with the second judgment and sent you to Ammit the monster.

You never engaged her when she came for you.

Now, you are free of judgment.

Maybe that's the game?

Well, it's the ultimate move.

Free yourself of judgment.

Everyone thinks it's the white light and Osiris you head to when afforded that judgment.

The image is instructing you to head that way.

The response of the one who knows is to avoid judgment.

Get your freedom from judgment.

Neither outcome offered is great.

Women think all men are guilty.

The witches give you two choices.

You stupidly pick one.

They give you an out when they come for you.

The game is initiated.

You take it.

You didn't.

That's why you got her coming for you.

Ammit.

She came to fulfill her role.

Ammit drags you down into the abyss and shows you your misdeeds.

Then devours you.

It's a good story.

It takes belief.

She gets you to believe she has come to destroy you.

Ignore women.

Yes, they tell you to leave.

That's their role in your life after they birthed you into this world.

East to West Goddess.

Men are scared of the Goddess.

Just ignore her.