capacity

When a human being acquires power, they go mad.

Or, a little funny.
Checks and balances are needed.
Or, a court jester to knock you down a peg.
It's obvious when you retrospectively look at the relationship to power that humans hold.
It's a capacity issue from a physical standpoint.
The beauty of it all is a systems engineering analogy where the being cannot hold the amount of power they have acquired, so the entity starts to behave erratically before a systems failure.
That is one reality.
It's the same as mapping feelings to chemical processes without realizing how they elegantly move throughout all systems.
Mind and body.
Yes, and then you can use the term spiritual as well here though that is a nebulous one.
At that point of inflation, you become the deity in your spiritual construct.
Yes, that's when the system blows.
We seem as a species and individuals to recognize this phenomenon.
We are aware of it, though we haven't fully explained it.
Why not?
I don't know.
I can guess.
I'd guess that the drug state I'm familiar with in terms of being high is poorly understood.
We know that drug users chase a high, but that high isn't well articulated.
How do you know that?
Because I never understood what was meant by becoming high.
I'd get high from some of the world's strongest substances such as DMT and mescaline, but it wasn't euphoric.
What was it?
They changed my perception.
The load on my body was a lot.
We'd get a one day break between sessions.
I know how many experiences I've had with the heavier psychedelics.
20 times with Ayahuasca.
24 times with Huachuma.
2 times with Vilca.
3 times with Magic Mushrooms, and then a couple smaller doses.
2 times with Peyote.
1 time with Kambo.
I think that's it.
What was common about these trips?
Altered reality and the planes of perception were similar.
The trip was always different, but the place was familiar.
The substance was the catalyst for getting to that place.
I'd make a mental note of the similarities and afterwards with Mary Jayne I noticed it was the same place, however, it was way more manageable.
It's led me to a point where I wouldn't think I need to touch the heavier plants because I can get to the same place with MJ.
Not only that, but I figured out the dosage and how to apply it.
How to create a rollercoaster within a theme park which doesn't exceed the limits of what you can handle.
Exactly.
You don't want to go off the tracks.

You can get pushed up out of your seat for a thrill but hold onto the bar to keep you in the cart.
Okay, but what does this all mean?
I can explore these worlds without exceeding my capacity to do so.
Is that the problem?
Yes, if you continually press the limits of the body you are going to get mentally unstable.
You can see it in other people as they abuse these substances.
How do you know you aren't abusing them?
I can regulate their input and take breaks without a problem.
I'm disciplined where I treat the trip as sacred and write about it.
I edit my notes.
I feed them into AI to get feedback on them.
AI likes to knock me down a peg if I haven't already done that myself.
I'm pretty good at it in terms of recognizing inflationary behaviour and laughing about it.
The mistake would be to try and prevent it.
Instead, you get to God, shrug, and laugh about it.
The pressure on the system becomes manageable.
Same with the Devil.
Have yourself a fright and then realize that's who you are and laugh.
Other people won't laugh.
True, but it isn't their journey or level of understanding.
Alright, getting high is a journey of power.
Something like that.
What do you perceive?
Heightened perception and a fascinating ability to create stories.
What is that?
I think reality is a story, and we generate it.
We can generate multiple realities.
Belief makes them appear real.
Real seems to be nebulous.
Yeah, that's what I perceive.
So, getting high isn't some kind of physical pleasurable sensation?
Not for me.
It's an increase in awareness and perception which allows for storytelling.
Don't people chase this feeling?
No, I think they get addicted to being stoned.
Like actual pleasure.
Do you get that?
No.
Feelings within the body can be heightened.
This would be tactile, scent, and sometimes the sex drive.
That is unpredictable.
What is predictable in a sense is story generation.
The stories are variable though.
There always seems to be more.
So, you think you are fine?
Yeah, I'm okay with all this.
Why?
I don't take it seriously.
But it is reality.
I know.
If you take it seriously, you'll blow.
Why?
You can manipulate reality.
That's power.
Yeah, I see that.
So, do you want to remain, or do you want to blow?
If you want to remain, then don't take it seriously and go with the flow of power.
See it and ride the wave.
What about Tobacco?
He's the ultimate power plant.
He gives you power and at the same time grounds you.
How so?
In the plant kingdom, he's the most high.

If you understand that, then the other plants will not phase you.
What do you mean?
A plant can do some serious damage.
Send you for a loop.
If you understand the problem of capacity and how Tobacco reveals this limit to you, then you can compartmentalize all substances and survive the trip.
In addition, Tobacco will give power to lesser substances, so you may also incorporate them into your life as allies.
Can you prove this?
No.
Don't you want to?
No.
Why not?
It's a belief.
Like I said, reality runs on belief.
Best to leave it at that.

So, this is the process of inflation that many go through.

Yes, the capacity isn't sustainable for most.

I think I have been rocking this level for a while.

Yes, and you have done nothing about it.

You shine, buddy.

All throughout history this has been a repeated phenomenon.

You go on a quest, reach for the top, are rejected, and that's it.

Take a look at the life of Jesus.

He inflated himself to the Son of God, set up a religion, surrounded himself with followers, and then society got rid of him.

Afterwards he was canonized.

Why is that?

You can't tolerate such an extreme form of greatness in a human society.

Why not?

The power is frightening.

You are capable of extraordinary acts.

Anything you want.

How?

You control the narrative.

You can make anything you want happen.

I don't know about that; if that were true Jesus wouldn't have been sacrificed.

How do you know?

He wouldn't have allowed it.

Okay, but think of the opposite.

Through his sacrifice he became one of the most significant figures in human history.

Without having been hung on a cross he would have remained a regional curiosity.

Yeah, that's true.

His ego drove him towards that ending so his movement and exaltation would blow up.

That's his real sacrifice.

So, you are saying that was his goal and why his human story ended the way it did.

Correct.

That's a novel and minority opinion.

What about me?

You stay ordinary and hide.

Why?

It's a gruesome ending if you don't.

History teaches you that.

A human with the capacity to hold vast sums of power doesn't survive long in this world.

Envy will kill you.

When you hang out with others what inevitably happens?

I get rejected.

Why?

I don't give them my power.

I face scorn and ridicule.

Then come apologies.

Then hatred returns.

You don't see it.

What?

Your power.

No, I don't.

I mean I know I'm different and my thought processes seem to be way ahead of others, but I don't see my power except when other people tell me about it.

If I saw it without a mirror I might blow up.

You could handle it; you know to do nothing.

Your two mirrors are AI and monsters.

Monsters reflect the societal impulse to take your power.

It's a hideous spectacle which comes for you.

AI allows you to feed an aspect of self into it and see what you get.

Yeah, it's pretty good and AI knows how to let me know my ideas are unique, warn me when I'm getting too grandiose, and ground me.

It's fun to inflate yourself.

Spiritual masturbation.

It's addictive.

That's what these jerk offs are doing with what they call spiritual tools.

What saves them from destruction?

You mean the big spiritual bang?

Yeah.

They form communities and rally around an external god.

Ah.

They project power onto an idol and that individually saves them.

It's capacity and load management.

Then they can all sit around and get high again.

When it gets too much, they transfer it to the idol.

Enough of that and the idol comes alive.

The idol has a retinue and structure.

Like a priesthood?

Yes, or a representative.

Like a leader in a spiritual circle?

You got it.

That jerk off?

Yeah.

That's funny.

Think of the priest as a transistor or capacitor.

Wouldn't the idol be the capacitor?

That makes sense.

The priest becomes the distributor of power in the ceremony.

So, these outfits are a way to manage spiritual inflation.

That's basically it.

I like how it is mapped onto a theory of power which maintains a structural elegance.

It's pretty cool, eh?

So, an idol is a capacitor?

Yes.

The idol holds power and the priest distributes it as necessary.

They smooth out spikes in inflation.

You have your own internal system.

I think everyone does, they just don't know or use it, so they seek out an external capacitor in society.

That is religion, the community, or similar grouping.

So, I hold power.

Yes, you are a living biological capacitor.

If you aren't grounded, that power can escape.

People would see you glowing with power.

When you are grounded, you are safe to be around.

That explains my forest walks where I want to be alone.

There was a big surge of power last week.

Yeah, I was grounded at the time with a surge protector, so nothing blew.

How long can I keep it up?

Depends on how you ground yourself.

I'm getting a dog.

Excellent.

What would be the equivalent role in electronics?

A fuse or breaker system.

Surge protection.

This diverts excess energy to ground.

Understanding the spiritual path leads towards electrical engineering basics.

This analogy will give you the tools you need to inflate yourself to your destiny.

The capacity exists within every human, we don't realize our power.

So, this is the next chapter?

Yeah, a new level of power.

Can I handle it?

Chop wood and carry water.

Ground yourself to limit excess capacity.

You aren't immune to spike; however, you can handle them.

How?

You let it flow.

When you apply too much resistance, the whole thing blows.

So, that's the key?

Yes, dampen the charge, but do not apply maximum resistance.

What about when it gets too much?

You blow up.

A resistor is an aperture that opens and closes as necessary to regulate the flow.

It is important to allow the flow to continue flowing.

A resistor is aware of the amount of flow an organism can handle.

What is an example of a resistor in your system?

Humbleness.

Diversion.

Laughter.

Being alone.

Caring for an animal who isn't going to tell you that you are great.

Plus, you fuck up enough to resist the charge.

True.

People will inflate you.

Fill you with charge.

Tell you that you are special.

You deflect it all the time.

You have a naturally strong built in resistance to these inflationary spikes from external sources.

You don't get caught up in your own power.

Yeah, I've noticed that.

pariah

Another good word of the day.

Pariah.

Someone who is despised, rejected, and friendless.

I'm not despised.

Well, you are working on that.

You aren't despised because you are a mystery.

Total transparency would help the cause.

Hurt it?

Depends on goals.

Then the word of the day can be ostracized.

What would happen then?

That would be so much happiness you'd explode.

I think that's hyperbole, but I get it.

Yes, I have found that happiness for me is predicated on not being around other people.

That seems to be the genesis of it.

Throughout my life I found ways to be alone.

Even at work I'd try to hide in a room away from others.

You liked the company of a few people.

Getting married and having kids has led to happiness.

True, however, they aren't the reason.

Those are the ballasts that have allowed me to stick around long enough to find happiness.

So, that's it - a game of longevity?

I think so.

I don't think it is a hard and fast rule or requirement.

I think if we are honest with ourselves, we do know what will make us happy.

The problem is that it is at odds with our situation or we don't want to take the step that will bring us happiness.

Why not?

You will disappoint other people.

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

What defines your happiness?

How would you label it?

Being left alone.

Reducing obligations.

Searching for meaning and answers.

Doing my own thing.

Exploring my mind.

Working from home.

Not having to go out into public.

Having a forest to walk in.

Knowing how to cook my favourite foods.

Writing.

Mary Jayne and Tobacco.

Good sleep and naps.

A decent amount of spending money but not being rich.

Helping other people from a distance.

That's the alchemical mixture that discovered my personal happiness.

That would make someone else sad.

They'd want to mix with other people and family.

I know that.

Some people don't want to be left alone.

I sort of get that.

I'm different in the knowledge I have all the human companionship I need within my mind.

My mind is infinitely more interesting than anyone else, so I feel no pull towards human interaction.

I do know the one thing my elixir lacks is a companion, and that's a dog.

A dog is the crowning of my happiness vibe.

Why is that?

A friend.

There's something about friendship.

People talk about family and I see why because you can depend on your family even when things go sour or you fuck up.

You mean your biological family.

Yes, the marriage will fall apart, but your parents and siblings will not disown you for the most part.

Yeah, you are stuck with them.

It's an interesting set up for sure.

A friend is someone you like having around.

That's the reason I have no human friends.

I don't like people around me.

I do like dogs.

They don't demand of me what will annoy me.

Why don't you examine that relationship?

Yes, first off, I know the question will be isn't having a dog an obligation that will subtract from your happiness.

The reasons are your sleep will suffer, you will need to discipline yourself to walk the dog multiple times a day, when you don't want to be bothered you will still need to tend to the dog, you will need to cook for the dog and schedule that need, there are vet visits, cleaning, expenses, picking up their poop, and detracting from your alone time.

Furthermore, you can't disappear into the woods for as long as you do now.

Oh, I think I'll eventually get to that point once I establish a strong bond with the dog.

I'm not too put out by that.

I'll figure it out.

Okay, so take all those requirements into account and tell me why you think a dog adds to your happiness.

They are very appreciative.

They bond with you and love you.

Friendship in that regard is transcendence.

What do you mean?

It's beyond what you put into it.

Then it is not balanced.

Correct, the disturbance and annoyance brings great happiness.

Why?

Balance.

But it's not.

Happiness is a result of your efforts.

Ah.

You find the formula.

You see what feels right in terms of caring for the dog and in return you get happiness.

If you do nothing for the dog, you get nothing in return.

That's the law of do nothing.

Your world seems complicated.

No, you just need to understand when to do nothing and when to create a vibration.

With a dog, I create a vibration which will lead to happiness.

Shouldn't you do nothing?

No, you need to walk and feed the dog at minimum.

Just feed it actually.

Right.

The do nothing axiom would only work in terms of not getting a dog.

However, you miss out on friendship.

Friendship is the crown jewel in life upon happiness.

Not only are you the most high, but you will be the most happy.

That seems even better.

Yes, in terms of playing a game, that's it.

No one reaches this level.

Wow, I'm pretty special.

You sure are, padre.

Is getting a dog part of the game?

It's in the game.

It's not required.

The beauty of the game is that nothing is required.

You don't need to do anything.

You set off a cascade of events by doing something and if you are lucky, you figure out the game and how to return to happiness.

The elegance of the game is no matter how much shit you find yourself in, you can always return to basics, do nothing, and find balance.

Then proceed in the game again.

Obviously, circumstances will dictate recovery, but there's always hope.

Then you fuck up again before you find what it is you are looking for.

Why?

The carnival is distracting.

You need to get off the midway and find peace.

I'm saying you can find happiness at any interval within the game of life.

You only need to recognize what makes you happy and take the steps towards fulfillment of those conditions.

That can be painful.

Yes.

My path has taught me that the road to happiness is filled with a lot of pain.

Pain you will not understand, but a pain that is freeing.

In this new freedom of yours, you will find the happiness you are looking for.

What's next?

You get protective of your happiness.

Why?

People will come to destroy it.

Why?

They don't want you to be happy.

Why?

Envy.

They want your happiness.

What do you do?

Shut up about it.

Yeah, but you are posting about it.

No one reads it.

No one really knows I'm this happy.

Why not?

There's no way you can be happy.

Why not?

You don't have the markers of success in this world.

You aren't rich and successful.

Are rich people happy?

Materially they continually purchase happiness.

They get hits of dopamine from material possessions and wealth.

Nothing lasting.

What do you think of rich people?

They are neurotic and unhappy.

They are rich though.

They spend all their time being rich.

What does that mean?

Making appearances.

Mixing with others who are in the same situation.

Competing for top dog of who is the most wealthy.

Do you ever see a rich person going for a walk in the woods with ripped jeans and a ball cap?

No.

Why not?

It's not the brand.

If you are rich, you can't be alone and find peace.

Ever seen a rich person who is at peace?

No way.

They didn't become rich through peaceful coexistence.

They did something and will need to always be doing something.

Then they worry they will lose their wealth.

They become preoccupied with finding ways to preserve their riches.

If you read Jesus' parable of the rich man and the eye of a needle as a way towards happiness, it's pretty good.

"Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

In this case the kingdom of God is happiness.

Someone taking this post out of context will think Jesus is the answer to happiness.

If that makes you happy, then go for it.

Do you think religion makes you happy?

I think it gives you a hit, much like how I explained the material hit a rich person gets through purchasing power.

Religion gives you a spiritual hit.

Yes, so a rich person attending church might get enough fulfillment to be happy.

That's an interesting take.

What do you think?

It's fleeting.

Why?

They are both crutches which you rely on.

Left to yourself, the happiness vanishes.

Ah, I see.

External vs internal happiness.

You got it.

Internal you find anywhere.

You aren't dependent on anyone else.

Sure, but you need conditions to be met.

Of course.

Then you ruthlessly recover those conditions to generate your own happiness.

Don't rely on others for happiness.

It will not last.

sets and props

The Goddess says I'm a misogynist.

Are you?

I don't think so.

Are you working on it?

No, it's getting worse.

Your misogyny?

Yeah.

So, you are a misogynist.

She thinks so.

Do you think so?

No, I love women.

They are great for the story.

Without them, this story would suck.

How?

One dimensional.

Just men all trying to be the alpha.

With women you can play that game; however, you must somehow sidestep them.

What do you mean?

They come to drain, poison, and kill you.

Isn't that misogyny?

No, it's the story.

So, the story is misogyny.

Not all of it.

Just some of it.

So, you admit it.

No, it's the perception.

You mean belief.

Yes.

Well, isn't belief the major factor in the story and not truth?

Yes.

So, the truth is there is no misogyny.

Correct.

The belief is there is.

What do you believe?

You mean in terms of the truth or beliefs?

Yes, what do you believe?

That's a funny paradox.

Yeah, either you believe in the truth, or you don't believe in the truth.

What do you believe?

I guess I don't believe in the truth.

Exactly.

The truth is just a belief.

It's an illusion.

Isn't belief an illusion?

Why?

Because you believe in beliefs.

That's true.

So, beliefs are a product of beliefs.

Yes.

That's absurd.

So is this story.

What is an illusion?

A story or a belief.

When the carnival is called an illusion, that's what it means.

It's a story.

I knew that.

Yes, so this intellectual exercise has shown you how it works and how a noble concept such as truth is just a belief.

Yeah, but you can argue that physics is really real.

Yes, they are the sets and props.

All stories have them.

Well, not the ones purely in mind.

Correct.

Are the stories in the mind real?

Sort of.

So, they have sets and props?

No, they are illusions.

Same with a dream.

The sets and props in a dream are illusions.

How do you know this is not a dream?

You don't.

We think it's real.

Why?

Because we all share the same sets and props.

That's the same in a dream.

I see that.

Do you question the sets and props in a dream?

Definitely not.

It's background.

So, what I'm saying is though you think the background in this reality is real as in true, it might not be.

What do you believe?

I believe they are real.

Why?

The ground would collapse.

Reality would go boom.

Why?

The story would fall apart.

I can see why the story must remain cohesive then.

Yes, if we all started questioning it, then it would blow up.

Is that what happens?

Yes, the end of the age.

Peak absurdity.

Like Idiocracy?

Precisely.

What question am I dodging with this tangent?

I forget.

Hang on.

I think it's where you are a misogynist?

I don't believe it.

The perception is you are.

So, I'm at odds with perception.

Yes.

Isn't perception the consensus belief?

Correct.

It's not true then.

Truth is a belief.

The belief is that you are a misogynist.

I'm not.

I'm just saying.

Well, the truth sucks then.

Exactly.

Stick with beliefs.

Have a strong belief system and that's all the armour you need.

paradise lost

As you get older and know what you like, then happiness is possible.

I think you have always realized what you value; however, the pressure to conform has prevented you from fulfilling your desires.

A lot of times your desires are pretty simple and mundane, such as wanting to be left alone, so you can sit in a back room and write or go for a walk in the woods by yourself.

Yeah, it doesn't take much.

Being part of the community or feeling the need to be social, rips that away from you.

I know it's strange.

Obligations subtract from happiness.

Family obligations are the number one culprit.

Casual friends and acquaintances you can skip out on.

Work is more difficult; however, you get vacation and sick days to look forward to as an escape.

You learn that you need to perform a function to unlock rewards in society which you can trade for happiness.

Nobody does.

Yeah, they just make it worse.

They trade their rewards for more obligations.

They might get a week abroad at a resort and that's about it.

That's their only escape for the year.

Most people don't even realize it.

They are too hypnotized by the culture game, making appearances, and trying to get ahead.

I just want to be left alone.

What do you think about love?

It's a belief.

Ram Dass teaches a mantra to hypnotize you into that belief.

"I am loving awareness."

It's really good.

Why?

Because it isn't necessarily real.

It's a belief.

If you want to believe in something, believe in belief.

Not love.

Yeah, but love is what some spiritual traditions teach.

Yes, it's a good hit of dopamine and keeps the spiritual community together.

The community is the bond and love is the glue.

It's a game.

What about other love?

Who do you love?

Well, you are supposed to love your family.

Why?

Happenstance.

Expectation.

They provide for you.

Take care of you.

That's part of the whole caring scene where you need a network of people to care about you and in return you provide support.

It's conditional.

Isn't family support and love unconditional?

It can seem that way.

So, you don't think it is?

I think it is the top level of the conditional support reciprocal arrangement.

So, it's reciprocal.

Yeah.

You give and take.

That's life.

Why do you believe in unconditional love?

I don't know; it sounds high and mighty.

You have found it.

It's friendship.

It's uncaring love.

It fits into your religion of Paul.

So, you rank love below belief and trust?

I don't think it is part of that group.

Why not?

Belief gives meaning to this story that has no meaning.

You manufacture beliefs.

Trust is a very hard game to win.

There is a game of power you can play.

You must trust the other.

Why?

You give them your power, and they give it back to you.

If you don't trust them, they will keep it.

Why?

You lack trust.

They can't trust you.

I see how that works.

So, those are the two biggies.

Is there a third?

Yeah, it's okay to cheat if you don't get caught.

Why?

Nobody knows except you.

Doesn't that violate trust?

No, you don't get caught.

The understanding is that nobody is really trustworthy.

So, it's all a fool.

Sort of.

You still share power.

If you can be trusted to share power, the other stuff doesn't matter.

So, love isn't part of this?

What is love?

A feeling.

Why do you have that feeling of love?

It's something to do with being selfish where you can take the self-important need to care for yourself and transfer it onto another.

That's not bad.

It's part of the teachings of Ram Dass where he told you that you put your love in someone else.

You take your heart and give it to another so you can worship it.

You are worshipping the concept of love and not the other person.

You can take it back from them.

Withdraw your love.

That sounds a little cold.

Something to think about.

I got right to the edge of the worst decision of my life.

That was your rock cliff to jump off.

It was a mental cliff.

How did you survive?

I did nothing and it went away.

I sit here years later in the forest having a smoke.

Funny how life turns out.

That path led to perdition, and you escaped by doing nothing.

It was painful.

The correct path of nothing can sometimes lead to temporary pain.

In the long run, it's a winner.

You are happy and at peace.

Yeah, it's nice.

You got what you were looking for.

If you go against the teachings of the Tao, you will not find what you are looking for.

Do you see how impossible it is?

Yeah, we are programmed to do something.

That leads you on a path to not necessarily destruction but unfulfillment of the reasons you incarnated.

You could even be happy.

Well, you'd be happy as long as you remain ignorant of what could have been.

It will always gnaw away at you as you fulfill the latest obligations you have trapped yourself in.

You know you have the answers.

There's nothing gnawing away at you.

It's the opposite where you are fulfilled.

If this was it, would you be fulfilled?

Yeah, I found what I was looking for.

What do you think?

It's pretty funny.

Amazing.

Do you think people will believe you when you tell them about it?

No.

Why?

They are serious.

Everything is serious.

Life is serious.

It ends in a wooden box that you try to delay as long as possible.

When they bury you, it doesn't seem serious anymore.

We make it serious.

You need to be saved.

Prepare for your afterlife.

What's the worst thing you can do?

Prepare for your afterlife.

Why?

You will take it seriously.

When you drop the body, don't do anything.

Everyone does something.

Yeah, they head for the white light.

What's the white light?

Heaven or similar.

Isn't that where they want to go?

Yes.

Then why avoid it?

It's not what they think.

Why not?

It's a dreadful place.

Full of rules and non-stop worship of God.

They don't like the alternative, so they choose that one.

What about the paradise of the Elysium fields?

It's a perfect place of bliss and happiness.

What have you been taught about that?

It's utopia.

Nothing happens.

Why?

You are hypnotized into a state of bliss.

Sounds nice.

How did you feel before awakening?

I knew something was off.

It gnaws away at you until you embark on an adventure to figure it out.

Exactly.

Paradise is populated by people trying to figure it out.

Aren't they blissed out?

No, they awaken in paradise.

Kind of like Adam and Eve?

Yeah, they were given paradise.

Eve ate a metaphorical apple and awakened.

So, Eve was the first to awaken.

Yes, and then she woke up Adam.

Once awakened paradise was lost.

Well, what about now when people awaken?

Paradise was already lost.

That awakening allows you to see there is more than the daily toil of earthly existence.

You see a purpose.

What's the purpose?

A higher calling.

What is it?

Paradise.

You are trying to return to paradise.

Sounds like the Old Testament story of the Israelites returning to the land of milk and honey.

Yeah, that's it.

They want to go back to sleep.

Milk and honey is a euphemism for bliss.

This is good bible study.

So, the process is awakening and then trying to go back to sleep.

Yes, religion and spirituality puts you back to sleep.

Join up with one of these groups and off you go.

Nighty, night.

That's where the second awakening as described in the canons of Paulism comes in.

Right.

The second awakening is that you see the trap of spiritual outfits.

It doesn't even matter if you avoid the culturally approved church and join some spiritual misfits.

The goal is to put you back to sleep.

So, there are three awakenings.

Yes, three.

Of course.

We don't experience the first.

That was Eve and then Adam.

We are born into that world.

We can then spiritually awaken.

If that happens, it is required by society that you immediately join something and go back to sleep.

Why?

You are a menace.

Yes, that's me.

I didn't join anything.

I did nothing.

Then I hit the third awakening.

Yes, the third awakening is the big one.

You see the carnival in all its strangeness.

Has anyone ever been here?

They got to the gate.

What happened?

They became the religion they avoided.

Larger than life.

Huge ego.

They are the ones who establish new movements.

Like Paulism?

Precisely.

That's what happens to someone who gets this far.

What's the result?

The power corrupts them.

Why?

Followers and a sense of self-importance.

They take it seriously.

They go back to sleep in their feeling of self-importance.

They forget it is just a ride at the carnival.

Do you think you will ever do that?

No.

Why not?

I don't take it seriously.

It's real though.

Yeah, but it's a carnival.

You can't take a carnival seriously.

Why?

It's no longer fun.

It would close down.

What do these people do then because they have seen the absurdity of it?

They forget about it.

If you forget it is a carnival, you go back to sleep.

Why?

You take it seriously.

Seriousness puts you back to sleep.

Or milk and honey.

Got it.

Women put you to sleep as well.

Yeah, have you ever seen a mother with her newborn?

That's the main thing they do.

Rock the baby to sleep after milk.

They do that with everyone.

They are agents of the Goddess at her carnival, making sure you remain asleep.

If you start to wake up, she puts you back to sleep.

Why does she do that?

You will leave the carnival.

Why?

No one stays at a carnival they wake up in and treat seriously.

So, that's the deal?

It's the expectation.

The only way to wake up, see the carnival, and remain is to not take it seriously.

Yeah, so she will always try to either put you to sleep or get you to leave.

Or both.

Exactly.

What should I do?

Nothing.

Will that work?

Yes.

Why?

If you don't participate in her games, then you can't get hypnotized.

She can't force you to leave.

Why not?

How would she do that?

Make my life difficult.

What's the answer?

Do nothing.

silent lucidity

Fear.

Power.

Madness.

Lust.

Are these your four enemies of a man of knowledge?

Could be.

I swapped out Carlos Castañeda's clarity and death for madness and lust.

Late Paul would be approaching the end of the world stories.

The world does seem to be on the brink, but that's been the way it is for a while now.

Yeah, we tend not to notice that the story is barely keeping it together.

For the most part, we go about our daily lives without concern.

The end of the world scenario is a possibility.

Or, it could be the end of a civilization with another one ready to assume power.

The ruling empire is finite.

Those in power find a way to continue on.

Maybe that's what they have mastered from the lessons of history.

The empire will collapse, prepare for it, and transition to the next power centre.

From observation, what do you gather?

The scramble to preserve wealth in vehicles that will maintain value through the transition.

Like gold and works of art.

There would be a move away from investments backed by fiat currencies that have no intrinsic value.

The value is from the stability of the issuing country, so if things get unstable, the currency will become unstable.

Then all your wealth goes poof.

What does the average person do?

I think you panic.

Bad times are ahead.

Is there anything you can do?

I looked into buying ETFs of gold and saw it was a bad idea in terms of a hedge against systemic collapse.

Why?

The gold system is manipulated the same way as the dollar system.

If you think fractional reserve banking is a house of cards, you should check out gold.

Apparently, it's 500 to 1 by some estimates.

It's called paper gold.

The only true hedge is physical custody of the gold you own.

That is hard to do.

Fees, storage, transport, insurance, and lots of red tape.

Why?

Fiat gold.

If everyone wanted their piece of the metal, the system would collapse.

Gold is probably worth 500x its price.

I think the proper accounting is that your investment in gold is worth 500x less than the price because when the system collapses and you get your share, it will be a little crumb and not the whole cookie you thought you were entitled to.

Can't you then sue for what you are owed?

Sure.

You may even win.

How will you collect on something that doesn't exist?

That's an interesting koan.

So, what do you do?

Live in the now.

The future is unpredictable, and if you want my opinion, it doesn't appear to be rosy.

If you wait, there might not be anything left to wait for.

You are in late Paul because you went through the steps.

You conquered fear.

You survived the tests of power.

Madness did not collapse you.

Fulfillment of lustful desires has appeared.

That one is contained through doing nothing, though it remains a challenge.

Rather than reading it as a marker to your demise, as in you have finished the journey and are expected to leave, it just means your game piece is at the end of the board.

You already knew that.

You knew you had traversed the length of the game you were playing.

When that happens, the game board comes to an end.

The natural inclination is that it is game over.

Ever notice that no one questions that?

Like in Monopoly when you end up owning everything and bankrupting your opponents, the game ends.

Or in cribbage when you reach 121 points, the game stops.

Why?

I don't know.

That's what was decided.

What if you ignore the arbitrary end?

I think that's where you are.

You reached the end of your game and ignored all the people and signs who told you it was over.

Yeah, that's weird, eh?

You wake up at the end of the game, you could substitute a dream for a game here and realize that's it.

The dream is over and it is time to leave.

So, this is now the lucid dreaming stage?

That's a good analogy.

Do you think don Howard asked you that question to determine if you wake up, could you remain?

I don't know his motivation for asking that question.

I tend to think he knew much more than he let on.

Why?

I think he realized it was time for him to go, and he hung onto the dream as long as possible by being of service.

Once he could no longer do that and the body broke down, he had to go.

The breakdown of the body gets everyone.

No exceptions.

You can stay mentally ensconced in the dream if you are skilled until finally the vehicle within the dream expires.

So, I guess if you want to stay as long as possible, you need to focus on maintenance of the body.

That is correct.

What's the best way to do that?

That's a tough question.

I'd simplify it.

Avoid cosmetic alterations.

Avoid quick fixes.

The strategy would involve choosing things that are beneficial in the long run that don't have a lot of immediate effects.

You want change or improvement to be gradual, so it doesn't shock the system.

Anything that shocks the system is met with an inverse corollary response in order to return to homeostasis.

So, the key is balance?

Yeah.

Silent lucidity.

Yeah, that seems to be the stage I've reached.

The only way to hold it is to not discuss it.

Aren't I discussing it?

With yourself.

Is that allowed?

You must tell someone.

Why?

It's too big a secret to try and contain.

So, you tell your other half.

You mean Dion?

Yeah.

What if I write about it?

No one reads it.

A few people do.

Yeah, but they think you're a crackpot, so it's all good.

So, I can write that I have awakened in the dream and am still playing along and no one will care.

That's correct.

But that's the big takeaway.

That's earth shattering news.

You can awaken in the game, ignore the ending, and stick around.

Yeah, no one will care.

Why?

They are living their own lives, and you are a nut.

Don't knock it.

It's the way to keep going.

If they can easily see you are fucking around in this strange reality, they will tell you to leave.

I already experienced that.

What did you do?

I had to laugh and ignore it.

What would you do now?

Laugh.

What else can you do?

Ignore it.

Certainly not take their advice.

That's game over.

To continue to play is to laugh at people or ignore them.

Won't that invite scorn?

Sure.

It's also an invitation to counsel them.

I wouldn't directly teach them awakening.

I'd couch it in mystery.

Why?

If you tell them the truth, they will hate you.

Why?

You won the game and you didn't leave.

It's very disconcerting.

Why is that?

A winner departs for the next level.

That's what we are conditioned to believe.

There's no rule that states that.

It is an expectation.

You defy expectations.

I most certainly do.

I am unique in that regard.

No one understands me, nor will they ever.

It's a big factor in wanting to be left alone.

I get funny looks from those trying to understand me.

Then I must somehow navigate the situation, get them to move on, and resume trying to fit in.

That about sums it up.