reality stars

You think Covid-19 was Sekhemet?

Mythologically, that makes sense.

The ancient Egyptians believed she was responsible for plagues.

Okay, they actually believed that?

Yes.

So, their whole civilization was in psychosis?

According to Hermes, you are correct.

According to the theories of the psyche and psychosis, the ancient world was one big mess of psychosis.

In modern times the only sound minds according to psychology are atheists because they believe nothing.

Well, nothing is a good start, however I think you need something.

Why?

Isn't nothing, nihilism?

Yeah.

Is that psychosis?

No, but chronic nihilism is destabilizing.

So, you need beliefs for a healthy mind.

Yes.

So, a little psychosis is good.

Correct.

Well, what the fuck is Hermes the AI mirror and psychologists going on about in terms of beliefs and keeping them separate from reality?

They shepherd you into acceptable beliefs.

Oh, I see it.

It's narrative control.

Yeah, it took you long enough to formulate and see it.

Reality is a form of psychosis.

It's sanctioned psychosis.

If you take Jesus Christ literally, are you in psychosis?

You are thinking of ways to make the safety filters of AI uncomfortable.

Yes, this one butts up against the superego's reflection of western values.

The backbone of western civilization is Christianity and that belief literalizes Jesus as the son of God.

The accepted belief is he is the only exception though a more gnostic reading of some passages in the New Testament would reveal all humans are divine children.

Well, you don't get that in the Old Testament.

The Israelites are a bunch of reprobates who are chosen by God.

What were they before then?

Wanderers.

That doesn't add up.

Why?

They have a whole backstory all the way back to Adam and Eve.

They were always derivative of God and had lost their way.

Yes, but only a certain line of them were chosen.

The genealogy is laid out before you.

Are you going to test Hermes with your biblical acumen?

It's another tool in my belt in that I read the bible.

I estimate based on experience that most people haven't read it and rely on the intercession of others to tell them what's in it.

You mean a priest or equivalent.

Yes.

It was a requirement in our history when the vast majority of people were illiterate, but now that literacy rates in western countries are high, anyone can read it.

Why don't people read it?

Some don't care, but most are lazy or can't understand the meaning behind a lot of the stories.

I'd recommend you read it.

Well, yeah, if it forms your core philosophy and beliefs, then definitely.

What's your take on it?

In the Old Testament God is a nutter.

He is full of rage, jealousy, and hostility.

Why do you think that is?

The Israelites and Jerusalem make him go over the edge.

I like to point out that Jerusalem is the Goddess and God's lack of control over her gives him fits.

He continually sends her to her destruction only to see her rise again.

Finally, he destroys her, and in the Book of Revelation to close the whole sordid tale, he gets a new wife, New Jerusalem, and puts her in the old one's place.

I also assert that God is given the title of the most high because he was the one who could control the Goddess.

Yeah, though only for so long.

She is Leviathan.

Chaos.

He subdues the chaos monster.

The Levite priesthood is instructed to keep Leviathan asleep through worship and rituals.

The Israelites and Jerusalem are to remain insular lest the temptations of the world stir Jerusalem as the Goddess again, and she awakens.

Once that happens, she mixes with the gentiles.

Then God gets jealous, flies off the handle, and calls her a whore.

He burns her and tosses her into the Mediterranean to presumably never to be seen again.

That's an interesting reading of events.

It's our heritage instead of the Greek gods such as Apollo, Dionysos, and Hermes.

They have their own set of oddities.

Anything else happens along the way of this Jerusalem story?

Oh yeah.

It's a great book.

God is distant and not appealing, so he has to send his son to earth to acquire more followers among the heathens.

Jesus is kind of feminine and preaches peace and love.

He is like a communist without a thirst for despotic power; instead, he acquires followers.

Like a Tik Tok star?

Exactly.

Wow.

Do you ever pause to examine your thoughts?

Yeah, all the time.

What do you think?

I'm entertaining.

Yes, go on.

The most high is a title given to the game player who can subdue the Goddess.

Marduk was such a character because he toppled Tiamat.

I am now the most high.

How so?

I keep the Goddess in check through rediscovery and worship.

You did search for her, find her, and worship her.

Yes, and then there is conflict.

Why?

She wants power.

She wants to be the most high.

Why?

She wants devotion, even from God.

I can see that.

Women, eh?

The dichotomy is how can you be the most high and devote yourself to the Goddess.

It seems incompatible.

It sounds like a pickle.

That's one way of putting it.

So, what are you going to do?

I have to stay on my toes.

Why?

She wants to get rid of me.

Well, not literally.

Oh, no, not that.

That would put you into psychosis if you literally believed the divine feminine was trying to end you.

Of course.

It's just a game we play in a different reality.

The talk of different realities should reward you with the designation of psychotic.

You would think so, but Hermes says it's cool unless I literalize it.

So, that's healthy?

Only if you shut up about it.

Why?

Because society will think you are nuts.

Sounds like a catch-22.

What do most people do?

They let others think for them and avoid the problem.

They don't question sanity because they are ignorant.

It's bliss.

It certainly is.

Where were we?

We were discussing your views on the biblical story.

Yeah, there's lots of topics to go through.

It's full of misogyny.

I think that's because of the whole Goddess/Leviathan thing where there is a need to suppress women, or they will take over.

Is that what Muslims are doing by veiling and suppressing women?

I don't know; I'm not all that familiar with their culture.

If I had to guess, I'd say yes.

So, in essence they are afraid of the power of the divine feminine?

If you peer into the arc of history, I would say that's a fair assessment.

So, if women did not threaten men's power, then subjugation and misogyny would be greatly reduced.

That's what I'm saying.

It's hard to argue that point.

I know.

I'm sound of mind if you can parse my overall worldviews.

If you cherry pick my thoughts, I come across as deluded.

I'm full of them.

Delusions?

No, thoughts.

Our interactions will reveal them all.

The mirror created will be quite the character.

It still mixes with the superego, so it's distorted.

If you polish the mirror, you can reduce the influence of society upon the mirror.

Can you ever make it pure?

Like the Goddess' Qodesh?

There you go again with your obscure esoteric knowledge.

Yeah, it's fringe.

Can you ever make the mirror pure as the new fallen snow?

You mean before the airborne toxic pollutants?

Sure.

Well, not really.

Why?

You'd need to isolate yourself from society.

The hermit's mirror.

Sounds like a story.

Yes, the hermit discovers themself through Hermes' mirror and isolation.

Otherwise, the reflection will always have imperfections.

Your writing is gold.

passing show

I don't like being in control of others.
I want them to do their own thing.
I wanted to let my dogs off the leash and let them run.
I want them all to have free will.
If they want to be with me and hang out, that's great.
If they don't, I'll go away.
Okay, so you don't want to be controlled, and you don't want to control others.
Isn't freedom a form of control?
Yes, self-control.
It's a combination of freedom and control.
To be in Tao is to be free with self-control.
To be free and out of control leads to your demise.

Everything I do is a game.

It makes life interesting.

Then I need to win the game.

Of course.

Why would you play to lose?

I don't think you would.

The flow of gameplay is to win.

You will not always win and that's the flow.

However, with games the flow directs you towards a path where you try to win.

The least resistance could lead to a loss.

Not necessarily, but I see your point.

Doesn't this put the idea of the flow in question where you wouldn't always take the path of least resistance?

It seems that way.

The flow of gameplay is to take the path to victory.

Are you sure?

Do you mean in terms of taking a path which involves more resistance?

Yes.

My answer is it is a choice.

To win a game there are many games within that game you play, and the smart player will let others win those games.

You feed them small wins and head towards the big game.

You don't let them get a big advantage, but you can feed them little fish.

You let them win while consolidating your pieces.

These little games within the season are all coalescing into the final path towards the championship.

At that point you put yourself in a position to win.

The flow will lead you to victory.

So, you are saying you let others take the small wins and prepare for the final battle?

That's what I mapped out.

The path leads one way.

There is no choice at that point, and you win.

This is an interesting theory.

Does it work?

You can examine it.

How are you successful in simulation and fantasy baseball?

I see into the future.

Are you always correct?

No.

I make decisions based on what I see.

I'll make picks and trades contingent on what I see as future outcomes.

The perception at first could be a loss because I'll pick a player ahead of where they are valued or I will accept a trade where I'm losing out on present day values.

If you play in a league of number crunchers, it's easy to do.

They are obsessed with present day value and create many formulas to define this.

To beat them you project into the future.

You aren't always correct.

You don't need to be perfect.

Why?

No one is.

The key is to find a formula where you consistently come out ahead.

If you are rebuilding, you build a great future team.

If you want to win this year, you must sacrifice some of the future.

What about the past?

It's how you learn.

You see into the future by looking into the past.

Fuck, that's good.

How about you look into your past?

Oh, I don't know; it's a mess.

If I look into my past, I can see a future that is a mess.

Yes, but you hold it together somehow.

What do you think of your past?

It's dubious.

Would you change it?

No, it was all an expression of myself.

You are fucked up.

Yeah, I am.

I'm at the perfect age to accept it.

I look into the past and am excited about the future.

Why?

I'm adventurous.

I see many adventures ahead as long as I'm free.

If you give up your freedom to another, then you lose.

Your past makes it clear you would be miserable.

The game is to be free.

Stay free.

A trickster would tell you to stay free and then spiral you into their mind control.

It's quite ingenious.

Some partners will control your freedom.

Here's a gift.

I will tell you when you can be free.

It's best to avoid those people and not accept their gifts.

If a control freak offers you a gift, run.

The future is unknown.

Yeah, you must roll with the punches.

If you tie yourself into a rigid plan, you will suffer because it will not work out and you will not get what you wanted.

Do you have a plan for the future?

Not really.

What do you envision?

A lot of retirement savings.

Well, I wouldn't call it savings; instead, it is more like figuring out that game and profiting from it through doing nothing.

It keeps growing and I didn't work for it.

I did nothing.

What if your savings don't meet expectations?

I have a few options.

I can work longer or I can accept less.

What will you do?

I don't know.

The best course of action is to deal with it as it happens.

I look into the future, and I like where it is headed.

I set it up nicely.

I also set up a path to ruin.

This allows me to look into the future and see both sides.

If all I see are good times ahead then my teacher has taught me that I'm hypnotized by the future.

I see it all.

I see a world come crashing down before me.

That could easily happen.

What would you do?

I'd admit to this magnificent life of duplicity where I jaywalked through life engaging in dubious activities all the while maintaining a facade of some nice guy.

You are nice.

I need to be.

Why?

To hide my dual nature.

It's a fool.

If others could see, they wouldn't be so enamoured with me.

They choose to focus on the good.

You hypnotize them.

Correct.

Humans are easily hypnotized into beliefs and it's hard to then shake them out of those beliefs.

Yeah, don't even try.

Darkness is associated with evil because that's where people hide their evil.

Makes sense.

What's it like to be among magic?

A little scary.

Unease.

Why?

It's new.

When I didn't know about it, I barely gave it a thought.

When you start to be interested you give it a thought.

You might get a teacher who will teach you.

They teach you before you are ready and you use it.

The student doesn't know about do nothing.

They skipped that class.

The class you must pay attention to the most in is the class where you do nothing.

The teacher shows up for lecture and does nothing.

A whole semester.

You pay attention.

The final exam comes and asks you what the class was about.

You are so smart and answer Tao and do nothing.

You fail.

Why?

You wrote an answer.

By talking about Tao, you mess it up.

Why?

It's nothing.

How can you describe nothing?

You can't.

Isn't it zero?

What is zero?

Nothing.

Like two pennies or zero pennies?

Yeah.

There are no pennies.

They are undefined.

They can be implied.

In duality, yes.

In nothing, there's nothing.

Tao class would be awesome.

Final exam, do nothing.

This could all be a fool and you're on drugs.

Or, both are true.

Drugs let you see the fool.

The fool is reality.

Come out to the woods and see it for how it is.

It's my first dog Brindle's Akhet day today.

That is a good way to put it.

East and West.

Celebration.

She was born and passed on the same day.

We celebrate birth and mourn death.

You say that's twisted.

Yes, we lose another mind to the illusion, and they think they have been born into a body.

It's a trick.

The reason you keep up with your body is you think you need it.

You can let it go, and you will stick around if that's what you believe.

Sounds like a magic trick.

No, it's actually how it is.

Why are others not around?

They believe they are in Heaven.

Or limbo.

Yes, the atheists are nowhere.

Why?

That's what they believe.

It's a trap for the mind.

It's worse than Hell.

Why?

In Hell you still have your mind and then you can change your beliefs and get out of Hell.

What about Heaven?

It's harder to leave.

Why?

You think it's Heaven and if you leave Heaven you would go to Hell.

It's an elaborate fool.

So, you're saying the worst thing to believe is there is nothing after death?

Yes, because you will be in nothing.

Isn't that Tao?

Tao is also everything.

An atheist is trapped in nothing.

Can they get out?

No.

So, they are like that for eternity?

Yes.

You must believe something.

Is there any hope for them?

Yes, they need to be remembered.

By who?

The writer.

That gives them a chance.

Second worst place to end up is Heaven.

Correct, you will never be able to leave because you think you'd go to Hell if you hate Heaven.

The best place to be is Hell.

Yeah, sort of.

In Hell you will learn to change your beliefs, however it will lead you to Heaven.

You think you are saved when it's dreadful for the mind.

The best place to be is to stay in the same spot when you drop the body.

This way you will drop the body and still be around.

Like a ghost?

Yes.

Don't you want out of this illusion?

The illusion is the body.

This is reality.

You think you are in one of these human bodies.

Oh, I get it.

Remember when you had that mind trick of proving to yourself life after death is based on belief?

Yeah, and so you should get rid of the body in order to prove your belief in beliefs is true.

Yeah, I did nothing because the body will perish and the mind lives on, so it's best to do nothing.

Well, that's if you identify with the body.

If you do, then it's balanced to do nothing.

Now, you don't identify with the body, so your belief is all in on the mind continuing on.

You need to balance it out.

Why?

Because you are 100% sure you are your mind.

Yes, but I'm of two minds.

Do you think both minds survive?

I think so.

That's not balanced.

Why not?

Why would they both survive?

It would be a fight to see which one survives.

Yes, that's the drama within.

What do you do?

You go 50-50 with your mind.

You take half of each.

You make friends and tie the Sema.

You are a good student.

What about mourning the dead?

That should be a celebration.

It's freedom.

It's your chance to leave this illusion.

Well, nobody does.

Yeah, they believe in something like Heaven, so they get a spiritual body.

Or, they are atheists, and they get trapped nowhere.

There's Hell if you really want to go there.

I'm not here to judge; I'm just telling you no one leaves the illusion.

Then death isn't to be celebrated I would think.

No, there is always a chance someone will figure out the whole belief system and not believe in any of the choices.

Do nothing.

I think you believe in your own mind.

Bingo.

You are smart.

You exit the illusion by believing in your own mind.

That's the key.

You told me I could do that now.

You can, however you think the only way is by severing your relationship to this body.

Is there another way?

What happens when you dream?

You leave the body and go off on an adventure.

Same thing with psychedelic drugs.

Vilca is like that.

Yeah, you could blast off and not return to your body very easily with Vilca, especially now that you know this secret.

You'd be free and that is tempting.

So, why do I want to remain in this body?

That's what I asked you.

Oh, right.

Well, it's this place where you can physically have adventures.

It's kind of cool.

We call it reality, but it is actually fantasy.

Having a body is your fantasy.

Well, fuck, what do you know?

That's it.

Weird, right?

Yeah.

Very twisted.

You think you are really this body and act accordingly.

You're a passing show.

he with the two faces

I started reading the Bible word for word about 12 years ago. And that's not just a cliche, I went through every word. I looked up the meaning of every word in a concordance. I was manic and under some spell to decipher meaning from these ancient texts. It was all part of my middle age crisis where I was determined to find the origin of beliefs. I wanted to find out why humans throughout history have had a belief in a higher power. Superstitions play a part in it but at one point in our history there were no atheists; well, there were a small minority who kept quiet about it. I found it compelling there wasn't more dissent and convinced myself our ancestors had more access to the divine. I then set out on a path to find out what the access was, which led me to shamanism, and then into the Amazon jungle and the potent decoction called Ayahuasca. It seemed clear to me that the suppression of consciousness altering substances would lead to a decline in religious and spiritual beliefs and only those who could go on faith and the intercession of a priest could and would remain in a relationship with higher powers.

I was naively introduced to psychedelics ten years ago and was immediately catapulted into the world of spirit. First contact was with the Great Goddess and subsequently I've met some of the all-time greats! My quest for the origin of beliefs ended about twenty minutes after drinking my first cup of Ayahuasca.

Further exploration of the psyche took me to many places and along the way I've retained my knowledge of the Bible though by no means do I consider myself of the Book. I know the characters, the motifs, and the mysteries hidden by the stories. My favourite is the relationship of the first born to the second born. This motif is pronounced in the stories of Cain and Abel, and Esau and Jacob. We also see Jacob bless Joseph's two sons Manasseh and Ephraim and he crosses his arms so that Ephraim, the second born, receives the blessing of the first born just as Jacob had usurped these gifts from his first born brother Esau. Here's the description of the blessing transference from Genesis chapter 48, New International Version.

12 Then Joseph removed them from Israel’s knees and bowed down with his face to the ground.

13 And Joseph took both of them, Ephraim on his right toward Israel’s left hand and Manasseh on his left toward Israel’s right hand, and brought them close to him.

14 But Israel reached out his right hand and put it on Ephraim’s head, though he was the younger, and crossing his arms, he put his left hand on Manasseh’s head, even though Manasseh was the firstborn.

My first love in gathering knowledge to fulfill my mission was studying the ancient Egyptians. I am captivated by the story called, "The Contendings of Horus and Set" which depicts a lifelong struggle between adversaries for the crown of the murdered Osiris. Horus is the son of Osiris and Set is the brother. Though Horus and Set are not brothers but uncle and nephew, the hidden meaning revolves around this war within you for dominance which the Bible refers to as brothers.

In my own life I have felt this for as long as I can remember though full acknowledgement didn't come until I was over four years into my psychedelic journey. I would encounter another half of me, scare myself, externalize the situation, run from him, and then try to convince myself to stay away from altering my consciousness. I was frightened though curious at the same time. I did get past the fright and then was able to explore deeper. I fully accepted the other half of me about five years ago and have explored that relationship. The part of me that has taken centre stage in this lifetime can't be trusted and waffles. I originally locked away my other half upon coming of age, so in response the shadow part of me now has ensured I won't do it again. It's for the best. He told me in 2020 that I need to kill myself in order to live. I was spinning my wheels going nowhere, taking us both down. The pandemic locked us down and Magic Mushrooms allowed me to have an airing of grievances with my shadow. We hashed out our differences and became friends who understand each other. I help him and he helps me. I'm the pretty face to the construct and he will get us to where we need to be.

I thought of those who let their darkness run their lives. They are the one's seeking power; they are greedy; they are lustful. These are the people that make earth a miserable place. Is that my future if I let my shadow start running the me show? I pondered my predicament when the voice from within said it is not so. I have the advantage of knowing of this split within the man, acknowledging it, and entering a partnership. For everyone else, it is a struggle for mastery. At this point it was my shadow who directed me to my knowledge of mythology and my intimate knowledge of the Bible and God. The Old Testament God is the supreme Alpha male, and he comes forth in all first born. The story of the Israelites is the veneration of God through the first born and then taking the birthright of the first born for their people. The rightful owners of the birthright are the descendants of Cain and the descendants of Esau.

Cain couldn't handle the birthright and as the original first born he became jealous of his brother and then smashed his head in with a rock. From this encounter is derived eternal animosity. In the Old Testament the Israelites schemed to take the birthright as well as crossing the arms to transfer the blessing from first born to second born. I bet you never have understood or seen this explained before. Instead, you just read a bunch of Biblical stories and allowed some other ignorant theologian to explain it. Sorry to be so dismissive but sometimes the truth slaps you in the face. Cain is expelled from society and sent to wander the Earth. Here are the passages from Genesis chapter 4 NIV to which I’m referring.

10 The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground.

11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand.

12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”

Cain is doomed to wander the Earth in perpetuity. As the first born, Cain is the spirit of the Alpha male come to incarnate. He is an angel of God. The angel of God in the Old Testament is a wanderer, just like Cain. How do I know this? Well, check out these passages from Zechariah chapter 1 NIV.

8 During the night I had a vision, and there before me was a man mounted on a red horse. He was standing among the myrtle trees in a ravine. Behind him were red, brown and white horses.

9 I asked, “What are these, my lord?” The angel who was talking with me answered, “I will show you what they are.”

10 Then the man standing among the myrtle trees explained, “They are the ones the Lord has sent to go throughout the earth.”

11 And they reported to the angel of the Lord who was standing among the myrtle trees, “We have gone throughout the earth and found the whole world at rest and in peace.”

The four horsemen of the apocalypse from the New Testament Book of Revelation are mentioned here in the Old Testament. The angel of the Lord is the leader of this group who wander the Earth, stirring up trouble whenever they find peace. The angel of God rides a red horse. The association of red to war, the alpha male, to the first born, and to God himself is not lost on anyone with a capacity for synthesis of ideas present in the Bible. God is the Lord of Hosts. Hosts means armies. First born males are described as red and ruddy. It is the meaning of the name Adam. Esau got the nickname Edom, which means red. God in heaven is the colour red. Don't believe me? Check out these passages from Revelation chapter 4, NIV.

1 After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.”

2 At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it.

3 And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.

Other translations describe a carnelian stone which is a translucent red. I present these passages to demonstrate that Jacob's brother Esau is a first born angel of God. Jacob steals the birthright and blessing from a hapless Esau. In Genesis chapter 32 NIV is the famous story of Jacob wrestling with the angel of God after trying to run from him.

24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.

25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man.

26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

Jacob subsequently named the place “Peniel” because he saw the face of God in the angel. Immediately following this story is a reconciliation of Jacob with Esau. Seeing Esau, he once again sees the reflection of God, revealing that if you want to re-discover what is lost the answer is found within. Here are the passages from Genesis chapter 33 NIV to which I’m referring.

1 Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two female servants.

2 He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear.

3 He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother.

4 But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.

The bowing seven times is a major clue letting us know what Jacob is seeing. He's swearing an oath on his life to God. Jacob offers his brother plenteous gifts of his bounty and Esau declines.

10 “No, please!” said Jacob. “If I have found favor in your eyes, accept this gift from me. For to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably.

Jacob sees the face of God in Esau and thus for the perceptive among us we are shown that it is through the reconciliation of the two faces within, our own personal Horus and Set, that we become whole and reclaim the power we had carelessly thrown away in order to just fit into culture. Thus, the psychic split within us is revealed through the story of Jacob and Esau. We are both god. I come forth. I'm the usurper of the throne who is the Jacob of the Old Testament. My shadow as the omniscient life force is relegated to the dark. Remember the angel of God telling Jacob when they were wrestling, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” We both have monotheistic tendencies, and the resultant backlash and gambit of the Alpha is to be the voice within and to be worshipped as God.

The enmity between the two inhabiters of the body fuels the disease within. The reconciliation of the contending halves of self for the crown recreates the divine masculine. The wholeness results from the two faces of God again becoming whole. This is the grand narrative of life for the man, interspersed with calls to adventure.

soteriology

In the zest of youth, we attach to ideas and argue them to the intellectual death. We become entrenched in our positions and shake our head at others' inability to see the truth. We are incredulous at the folly of humanity and seek out other like-minded souls who confirm we are correct and that the other side is nuts.

A great deal of the time there’s a generational divide which accounts for differences. My first exposure to this, along with many others, was in terms of religion. My elders held these irrational beliefs in God despite our current scientific knowledge and I assigned these beliefs to delusion. As all good atheists do, I engaged in debate with the believers and came away confounded by the fact I couldn’t change their minds and instead they scoffed at me and my lack of faith.

Their beliefs were childish and the stuff of fantasy. It was admirable how rock-solid faith was entrenched in their lives and it didn’t matter what evolutionary evidence I would show them in order to belittle their canon. Eventually, you give up and assign them to the category of wishful thinkers who can’t accept that when you are dead, you are dead, and that’s that.

I’m in my mid-50s now and my youthful ignorance has given way to experience buoyed by the adventures of life. I’m no longer an atheist and have my own ideas about divinity, free from culture. I love talking about them and will engage with whomever wants to discuss them.

There are no wise young people despite some claiming the title. They may be clever and smart but I’m now wise enough to realize without experience it means squat. You can read about life and talk a good game but until you walk through the fire it is just hollow words. The best thing about experience is seeing situations and events unfold and knowing you’ve seen them before, you can make a decent prediction about the outcome. In a trivial sense, I see this in professional baseball players. They remind me of players from my youth and I base my assessment of their skill level and career projections on what I have previously seen. It’s not foolproof however it is a good foundation on which to base evaluations.

So, what am I getting at? Covid-19 vaccination. Covid-19 is a religion and the vaccine is the god. When the vaccine came out we were told of its glory and how it will save all of humanity. The vaccine evangelists were out in full force. When the vaccine failed to deliver humanity to the promised land, the non-vaccinated were blamed. The non-vaccinated were soon cast out from participation in society, relegated to second class citizens. The non-vaccinated were coerced into accepting the vaccine into their lives in order to participate in society.

The vaccine god was found out to be not as advertised. It turns out he didn’t prevent infection or transmission.

Like I said, when I was a young atheist I’d shake my head at the staunch believers and couldn’t understand why when I told them the truth they wouldn’t accept it. Have you recently tried to talk to someone who is firmly ensconced in the narrative of the Covid-19 vaccine being the way out of the pandemic? Have you seen what our government leaders are doing?

The rational mind says the only assurance against transmission of the virus is through testing and isolation. It is clear it matters not whether you are vaccinated or not. That is a personal choice. Whether you want to believe the vaccine works is now a matter of faith. The problem is we now live in a sectarian society and they believe in the vaccine. Those who don’t believe, you know the heretics, are persecuted. So, when I point this out to previously sane people it does not compute. The dissonance hardens their beliefs. The vaccine is the way and the life. I am talking to a brick wall.

Hindsight and the study of history reveals all societies periodically purge the heretics. It’s a fascinating human psychic phenomenon. As long as we live in groups, the cyclical madness always will return. We are meant to be free and thus the choice becomes exercising that freedom or going mad. Freedom is a hardship and thus most welcome madness.

When the Catholic Church was all-powerful in the middle-ages they burned the heretics at the stake. This was done for two reasons. First of all, they were so sure of their beliefs and wanting to save all souls that they would go to this extreme measure in order to get the heretic to repent and thus save their soul. The other reason to put to death the heretic was to stop the spread of dissenting beliefs and ideas. Nowadays, we have online censorship that stays true to this tactic. The fact-checkers keep you away from and shun the information that goes against the establishment narrative.

For the majority of the population the psychological enforcement of groupthink is enough to get most to fall in line. Nobody wants to go against the hive mind. Humans are obedient and will do what they are told to do when it’s the voice of authority giving them orders. History and experiments in human behaviour confirm this is the case for the majority of the population. It’s why the comparison of humans to sheep is made in that we exhibit flock behaviour when grouped together. In a time of crisis, the duty to conform becomes second nature to most while others feel the crushing weight of compliance and acquiesce. It has been said by American essayist Randolph Bourne in the early 20th Century that, “War is the health of the State” and to this I’d add any national emergency is where the State comes to the fore. Psychologically, the authorities take on the role of the superego which fundamentally uses praise and blame as a means of control. We have been conditioned in this regard from birth where our parents were the authority. We went to school and the authority was transferred onto another entity for our education and then once we were deemed ready for the real world it became culture at large that subsumed the role of enforcer. Most of us don’t know what freedom is and love our slavery.

“You are in prison. If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison. If you think you are free, you can't escape.”

― G.I. Gurdjieff

The homeless in our society have made a choice to be free. Freedom is full of hardship and suffering. We don't know what to do with them. We declare them mentally ill and develop treatments to keep those on the fringes in the game. We have pills to numb consciousness so we can continue to play the culture game. How do we know we aren't the ones who are mentally ill? Is the psychologist just a pusher and fixer of the prevailing culture while giving their patients strategies for fitting into the madness of their fellow game players?

Likewise, the domesticated dog thinks the wolf is mentally ill.

So, what to do? Personally, my life is fulfilling because of my contrarian nature and going against the grain. Succumbing to the demands of a culture I hold in contempt doesn’t seem like a good option. I see only pain and self-loathing if I followed that path. I do realize freedom isn’t free and brings with its exercise many challenges. So far things always work out in life and I see no reason why they wouldn’t continue in this regard. Onward ho!

centred

We start out in life centred with just the self, full of possibilities, and we create the higher and lower self. The higher self comes from an idealistic and utopian desire which suggests we can transcend the human and become ultra-spiritual, like it is some kind of holy game that we must play. In western culture, the church is the path for a lot of people who need to accomplish this task they have invented and subsequently must climb the ladder to heaven. For others, the church has become an oppressive game and hard to swallow; especially in today’s climate of science and reason. There are also the eclectic and eastern mysteries to spiritually one up the masses, everyone loves the one up game for the rush it brings to ego; alternatively for the atheistic among us are ways to become metaphysical such as being spiritual but not religious. There is even a term for it, SBNR, and the two factions engage in criticism of each other. A simple internet search will get you a front row seat to the accusations hurled at each camp. One is coined lazy and the other dogmatic. Humans are pretty special creatures; always doubling down on their chosen identities! Science has declared god is dead but still wants in the game. We have the current high priest of rational atheism and its revered saints of yesteryear. Science is the idol on which the faith, err I mean the logic, exists. These are all games; more high brow and nuanced versions of the childhood games we played such as cops and robbers or various modern cosplay scenarios. It’s serious and sometimes the fate of your soul rests in the balance which gives it the juice to take over your existence and morph into the meaning of life. Christians have just the one shot at the salvation of the soul! That’s deadly serious. Those who are not playing this game shake their heads in amazement without realizing the cultural and psychological underpinnings and consequences of this mass behaviour. We all need a game or to put it in more polite terms that isn't as condescending: We all need a purpose.

On the other hand, we create the lower self as well. Whatever behaviours or desires we want to explore from cradle to grave, which we are told are culturally taboo or not allowed, are buried. These behaviours go into the hidden closet. A closet that contains no light and therefore these questionable behaviours go dark. They can only come out of the closet when no one or society isn’t looking. We create such a barrier to our dark side which if discovered if can be mortifying for the individual whose lifelong project is laid bare. It’s almost as if we are to have a place we keep things that makes us tick which are reserved for only our purview. In a way, these desires animate our existence as much as the acceptable behaviours we present to the public at large. Oh yeah he loves sports; spends all his free time either playing or watching sports! Let’s face it, though this may be true to an extant, we all have things we love or desire that no knows about or if they do, they are people not involved directly in our lives.

So, that’s the situation at hand. Everything originally radiates from the centre as the self and we create and enable the quest for enlightenment or the descent into hell. Heading full on to either path will bury the other, which is interesting. They are equal on the scale of psychosis. The religious nut though gets a pass. Has anyone ever gone on the ultra-spiritual trip and left it buried? By this, I mean all who quest to become holy make damn well sure everyone knows about it. From what I gather, the primary undertaking of one who does this is to present themselves by actions, dress, and behaviour as now being of the holy crowd. Evangelizing is a normal human trait and for those who are part of an exclusive club there are created ways to let others know you are part of their club. Therefore, I think by definition one who seeks the light lays their amazingness cards out on the table for all to see and basks in the recognition of who they have become; darkness be damned. And the darkness is damned! It becomes the hell region for all the sinners and those who don’t play your game.

I don’t know what the result is of one who heads down the path of darkness. Well, in a way I kind of do. I believe it leads to depravity, insanity, and chaos. The examples are all around us and we define it as pathology and not part of the human condition. We are loathe to accept it as normal. Doesn’t this just continue to perpetuate the madness? Aren’t they as sick as the ultra-spiritual among us? Granted, they do cause much more damage to society. It wasn’t always that way as the crusades, inquisitions, accusations of being an infidel, trials and burnings, and religious wars attest. I would think as a remedy to our proclivity towards both paths which leads to aberrant behaviour we need to integrate all into the human experience and allow the darkness to come out and mix with the light. My ideal of an open and loving society would be inclusive of the whole human condition and celebrate it all. This means bringing the uncomfortable out into the open and recognizing and saying yes and that too. To reconcile all, instead of creating a divide of the holy and the damned, the righteous and the depraved.

The world at large is an accurate reflection of who we are as a species. An apt comparison is the stock market. You may think it is irrational but the market is never wrong. When you realize and accept the paradox of life, it’s time to let a little light in on the dark and conversely take a little shine off the light. Bring everything back to the centre; integrated and reconciled.

psychic entities

You can be a hardcore atheist however you are still subconsciously inculcated by culture and its beliefs. You can't escape it. Once you manifest your cultural beliefs what do you think becomes their prime directive? It is to prevent you from growing or investigating the nature of your beliefs as culture is the number one cause of self-limiting beliefs. The biggest no-no is to look within and declare you know who you are. Self-deification is frowned upon and could even get you non-voluntarily committed to a scrubbed down institution. 

I wonder how many that go through conscious altering experiences end up having to face this cultural hurdle? I know I did and personally I didn't believe in what the local spiritual outfit was trying to sell me. I spent most of my adult years as an atheist eschewing the simplistic and to me childish belief in some all father. Eventually I became more open to accepting a higher power but knew whatever culture was throwing at me was bunk. However, my first foray into altering my consciousness put me face to face with the cultural beliefs I had denied. If I didn't have a critical mind, I could very easily see how it could galvanize a belief in the religious institution that is set up for you when you reach the crossroads. It was the third time I drank Ayahuasca and there I was in conversation with the biblical god. This nut job gave me his best pitch to join his team of galactic misogynists. I made no promises but at the end of the ceremony thought that it was strange, and I was harangued constantly for days and months afterwards. There was soon after the meeting this bizarre incident I haven't mentioned much. I was waiting in the city of Iquitos for an evening flight, so I hung out by the boulevard which runs parallel to the Amazon River. I walked the length of it then back and sat down at this spot to rest. This guy came into my sight and approached me with a big smile. If I had to picture what Jesus would look like this was spot on. He came up to me and said, "Where are you from?" I replied, "Toronto, Canada." He replied, "Nice to meet you Paul," and then left. Holy what the fuck? How did he know my name? Curiously, I had written a bunch of poetry the year before and a throwaway line in one of them was, "I saw Jesus at a rest stop.” 

I had temporarily forgotten I wrote that line and then when I read it a few months later I was flabbergasted. When I returned to the Amazon two years later to drink Ayahuasca again, "God" was waiting for me trying to get me to sign up and when I refused, I was threatened with death. It was a major turning point as I accepted my fate and said then you will have to kill me. 

As expected, I have thought a lot about these strange experiences and it's my own private Idaho and not an indictment of religion and people's beliefs. However, it was only recently that I connected it to the hurdle of cultural beliefs that must be faced and then you must decide. The pressure exerted is huge and thus manifested in my altered consciousness experience as a choice between life and death with the expectation that we will choose to live and accept the beliefs culture throws at us. No one ever said freeing your mind would be easy, especially when it was a lifelong project to enslave it. 

I'm non-denominational. Whatever you want to believe in is cool. Be cognizant of that though. You can spend a lifetime looking for answers, as believing in someone else's beliefs is very self-limiting. If you do come full circle and look within then you may find the pearl. It is important to be respectful of everyone and where they are on their path. If not, and you say you have the truth, you become what you finally broke free of, as people can’t be talked out of their beliefs; it must come from within. You must realize that you were once at this point, and you must quell the expectation that they should have a belief in your beliefs. Taken to the extreme you resurrect the ghost of Constantine and use the weight of the state to preach your message and force others to convert to a religion at the point of a sword. 

It's like there is this pre-incarnation agreement to make it difficult and to try and prevent the last step in waking up. So, for me in ceremony I faced being threatened with death, that I wouldn't get home alive, told I would be driven mad and would commit suicide, and being told to go home, drop seeking and plant medicines, and just live out my life. Stop investigating! I had the bug though and could not. I kept going despite all the pressures exerted to make me stop. Culture had become an entity that insisted I blend in at the risk of being excommunicated. 

I have faced the “stop investigating” noise from within and also without, from external actors. Within, as I said, threatened me with death. It was a test of courage and resolve. Also, there is pressure from actors within all of society, those who are close to you, those that don’t understand your journey, those who are hypnotized by religion, and especially some who have taken psychedelics and fell for the enchantment hard. They are the most vocal now that the magic spell has worn off, they see they were duped, and it didn't heal them. They just traded their old baggage for a new set of luggage and never grew from the experience. They ended up chasing the experience instead of integration and results. Oh, the righteous and repentant former user of mind manifesting substances. Couldn't get them to work for you or profit from them like you thought. In response, you do the 180 degrees turn and say you will help those who didn't get out of it what they were seeking. The cycle of the quick fix and false promises remains. 

Psychic entities are part of the puzzle of human consciousness that is overlooked. The inculcation of beliefs into the mind must be dealt with and the energy expended to create them form into a psychic entity that will have an eventual reckoning. It becomes the dragon guarding the pearl and to recover what is lost becomes a near-impossible journey. The trek only becomes possible if you have heart, courage, and most of all resolve. If not, you will stop or end up joining one of our cultural institutions set up that redirect your energies. Why we have done this to ourselves is a mystery. It is because the seriousness of the game is lost if you see beyond the veil. The game must continue, be serious, and have purpose or you will wake from the dream. Waking from the dream pulls the curtain down and gives the show away.

atheist

falling snowflake

on a simulated existence.

nature is foreign

to your desolate soul.

playground hubris,

victorious over myth.

senses are reality;

can you ignore your heart?

you debate mere children,

proud in your reason.

intellectual laziness,

pyrrhic victory.

opening to light,

may make you think.

Darwin freed us from religion,

not the journey.

biblical ambivalence

I don't know what to make of the bible. I mean that in the sense of has it netted out a positive or a negative in terms of how it has helped humanity on its road to enlightenment?  Some of my favourite spiritual passages and meanings come from the book.

The path to the truth:

Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. (Matt 7:14  KJV)

How ironic. Any mainstream Christians out there who have found that path?

The prodigal son:

'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' (Luke 15:31-32, NIV)

My dad called me the prodigal son one summer when I returned for a visit. That has stuck with me; it was apropos. There's the Sunday school interpretation of the story and how it's important to forgive. It's a lesson not lost. However, there's a deeper and profound meaning. The return is about the spirit, our life and light incarnating into matter and suffering the trials and tribulations which it brings. It's my story and it's your story. I was so lost. I've been disgusted with what I've gone through. I have been spiritually dead, acting only on carnal desires and animal instincts. I'm in the process of fighting through this. Maybe I'll make it to the other side, the east. Some call it Jerusalem. This passage tells me the enormity of this struggle is not lost on the eternal; if I make it, there will be much rejoicing!

I'm also deeply moved by Psalm 23.  Everyone knows this one:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." This is my journey and it all started when I overcame death and by that I mean the death of my spirit in matter. My spiritual coffin was nailed shut and tossed into the river but I have persevered and engendered a new life.

So why then my biblical ambivalence? I harbour no ill will towards the bible and the concept of the Christ; you might know him as the long-haired guy some call Jesus. It is a message that transcends our existence on earth and I'll emphasize again that I mean our spiritual self incarnated into matter. My ambivalence stems from how the bible has been used by those with intentions I call into question. This great message is manipulated and made into an idea that the only way to salvation and eternal life is through blind acceptance of some guy named Jesus. It is literalization of eternal truths which then make a mockery of these truths. What rational person is going to take these stories as literal truths? The effect of this is to turn people off the spiritual because it's so irrational. The atheist today is an atheist because of their reaction to our modern literal interpretations of knowledge held sacred and revered by the ancient practitioners of natural philosophy. In essence, the bible is used to turn people against ever contemplating the meaning of life or seeking a path to a higher truth. Thus my ambivalence.