lust for life

My family I was born into was not my choice.

I appeared, though with what I know, it was my choice.

That was Eros making that choice.

Do you think Eros then becomes Dion?

As this incredible mystery reveals itself, I'd speculate the answer is yes.

The impetus for the attraction between two people who are destined to mate is Eros.

That I am aware of.

You have never thought about where does Eros go?

Well, he or she is the baby.

Yes.

The baby is Eros plus one.

You mean the new record of Eros.

Yes.

The life force that comes forth from the master record.

You're getting warm.

The master record is Eros.

Yes, so apply this to your ancient Egyptian knowledge.

Eros is what they considered the soul called the Ba, and the coming forth of a new life form from the Ba is the Ka.

There are an infinite number of Kas from the one Ba.

Are there unique Bas?

That's where lineages are from.

Everything would be traced to a master Ba, however I think where it gets mixed is the combination of the Ba with the feminine principle of the reverse of the Ba which is the Ab.

The Ab is the heart, and the Goddess supplies those.

So, you are saying the Ba is masculine and the Ab is feminine.

That's what I'm telling you.

That would mean my idea of Eros as Cupid is masculine desire.

That's how it would look.

Feminine desire is love.

Yeah, but what kind of love?

Erotic desire.

Is that romantic love?

No, it's wanting.

So, lust then?

Yes.

Is lust, love?

Yes.

Then it's the highest form of love because lust creates life.

I'm not going to argue this point with you.

Okay, but lust is destructive.

No doubt, but it also is the creative force in the universe.

It's balance, which falls in line with your teachings.

Eros is rose.

Yeah.

That's why rose gold always appears in your life.

You can see it now.

Given a simple idea, I can create quite the story from it.

Yeah, where were we?

We were trying to get to the origin of Dion.

You mean who is he?

Yes.

He's Eros, all grown up.

Fuck, you're right.

Eros becomes a writer.

You can now see the connection in regard to lineage.

For a man, his sons have the same Eros to Dion within in combination with a unique heart supplied by the Goddess.

Okay, how about a woman?

The lineage is the heart.

Who is that?

Call her Mary.

There's something about Mary, right?

There sure is.

Dion is dormant within a female and Mary is dormant within a male.

Each carries them with them.

The dormant Mary within a man would awaken the sleeping Mary within their mate.

The power is undeniable when you meet your soulmate.

You are going to meet them, the pull is too strong.

Dion will always recognize the Goddess.

Okay, so this helps explain the ancient Egyptian concept of cyclical kingship called Kamutef where the pharaoh incarnated within his son at death.

Yes, because it's him.

It's Dion.

They just needed to remember that the divine mind within them is in their heir and at death they would enter into the new king.

Doesn't that sound like wishful thinking and hocus pocus?

It sure does.

What do you know about the Egyptians?

They were very skilled in magic.

What do you know about humans?

They are practical.

Do you think people were superstitious and this is all nonsense?

Some of it is.

People can be irrational as well.

I also know there are reasons for rituals which involve more than just pretending the magic spell is going to work.

Don't you think a priest would tell the pharaoh this story in order to keep his standing?

He tells him that when he dies, he will incarnate in his son.

The priest is then exalted in the court because he has that knowledge.

It's possible.

Wouldn't the new king recognize the magic power of the priest?

Yes.

If he was a charlatan, he'd be executed.

Instead, he was given more power.

So, you can see both sides of this knowledge that we have received from the ancient Egyptians.

Our rational and rigorous scientific minds will see deceit in the priest who tells this fantastical tale to the pharaoh.

The human mind who has been exposed to magic in this world will be intrigued by what they discover in the past.

Which side is correct?

You can take the side of the rational and say it's not believable, or you can believe it.

You're old and you have been to a lot of places.

You have travelled around the world and been to ancient ruins, places of power as told by historians and wisdom carriers, and you have sat with witch doctors and drank their potions in the dark night of the Amazon jungle.

What says you?

It's magic.

Can you quantify it?

No.

Then what's your rationale behind saying magic exists?

I've seen it.

I've lived it.

I can tell stories about it, but I can't explain it.

It's best to leave it at that.

If you're interested, I can give you some names and places to help you on your journey.

So, Eros and Dion are really the same.

Yes.

Just like Mary and the Goddess.

If you think of Eros as dual sexed, as in Eros and Mary, it will maintain your idea of 3.

Within Eros is the Goddess and Dion.

You can call them by different names if you wish.

What is important to see is Eros is the one, the androgyne who contains within the potential for all.

This is taught by the ancient Egyptians, if you have the capacity to understand it.

I can point you towards some blog posts I wrote which will try to explain this to you but be aware you need a background in Egyptian thought to try and understand it.

Yes, thanks, I wrote it for you.

Yeah, you did, though I don't think you quite understood at the time what you were writing.

I didn't because I hadn't lived it.

I do now.

I was aware that within Eros are the 3 and they are the monad you look for when you try and figure out the origin of creation.

Lust for life.

There are always reminders about the miracle of life and how to cherish it.

What is it?

The mind in a body.

Energy coalesces into form.

Plato's world of forms?

Plato was talking about another reality where forms are eternal.

Well, that's the mind.

There are no forms.

Plato posited that we are the shadows of perfect form.

He claimed there are perfect models of what we experience such as beauty, justice, and goodness.

It seems like he was on drugs and deluded.

Yes, of course.

He clung to a notion of a reality where everything was perfect and good.

He was describing the Goddess' utopia.

Exactly.

It's Heaven.

To maintain a perfect world of forms would require rules for everything.

There is no freedom in a perfect world.

What if that's what you want?

Then someone needs to explain to you that you will have no freedom in the perfect world you envision and are striving to get to.

In the perfect world that is envisioned, there would be no death.

Hades would be permanently banished.

This sounds like New Jerusalem in the Book of Revelation.

Well, that's the Goddess and her utopia.

Imagine a world without death?

Life would be created because it's good and then in utopia there is no death.

Soon you would be crowded out and the bugs would get so bad you couldn't stand it.

It's perfect though.

Utopia is Hell.

Clearly.

What's Hell?

Hell.

Thanks.

Why is Hell, Hell?

It's imperfect, there is ugliness and injustice.

Everybody's free to do what they want.

This sounds like Earth.

No, on Earth we have rules.

We surveil everyone, we tag all humans, give them all an identity, and require a passport to travel.

Earth is full of rules.

Without these rules, Earth would become the wild west which devolves quickly into Hell because everyone does what they want and if you give humans that ability, it does not end well.

A rules based order is describing Heaven.

Isn't that a form of totalitarianism like Communism?

Yes, you could describe Heaven as Communist.

Why are Bible believing Americans so against Jesus' socialist paradise?

Mind control.

They have the freedom to believe what they want through the ideals America was founded upon, however these ideals are at odds with what they believe.

I see that.

So, you'd compare Hell to unfettered Capitalism.

There are many parallels.

Regulation interferes with the freedom to exploit others and make large sums of money.

On Earth we try to maintain a balance between letting companies prosper and applying the brakes to their rapacious behaviour.

Drug companies will make you chronically ill if that means they can hook you on a cure for your condition.

They will suck out as much money from your animated corpse until you are no longer useful to them.

You'd think at least they could pay for your funeral, but they leave that to your estate.

You have a dim view of humanity.

I'm a realist.

I call it as I see it.

Do you think you can find good in the world?

Yes, there is lots of it.

Those in power are psychopaths.

There's a psychopath within all of us.

How is psychopathology activated?

When they start to acquire power, they become psychotic.

It's easy to see.

Is there a solution or hope?

Checks and balances.

Rules, laws, and deterrents.

What about rules for thee, but not for me?

That's how a psychopath operates.

The examples in the world are plentiful, I feel no need to point them out.

seeing clearly

Feminine is form. Biological form. Bios. Form is unity. I see it clearly now! The masculine is the great separator. The force that scatters. When dominant, the feminine binds energy together. So, energy consists of these two powers. One power pulls it together to create biological form and the other separates form to create power. Both polarities need each other to do their thing and keep it all moving. Picture each power on its own. There would be the smother mother and the wild and undisciplined rebel without a cause.

This is the eternal dance of the feminine and masculine powers. The two that become the one and from that template become the many. They need each other. Without their opposite attractor they are inactive and ineffective, existing as just potential. When connected, the universe is birthed and comes alive. I have previously written about conceptions of life that were prevalent in Greek thought that we have lost in our Western vernacular and notions of life. I’m referring to biological life, known as bios, and how us westerns view life, in contrast to the Greeks' image of the eternal and indestructible life they called zoë. Further examining these concepts is revealed that bios is form; it is cyclical and therefore subject to the decay of life and death. The power of separation eventually wins out over the attractor of form. Form is the container that allows us to come forth in this universe as a conscious entity. On the other hand, zoë is what enlivens form and gives it the impetus to have the ability to propagate new forms; however, this arrangement will eventually disintegrate the form. It is the feminine that creates the forms from the energy provided by the masculine zoë and in turn the zoë can experience consciousness from the feminine's gift of birth. The feminine serpent creates the world, and the masculine jaguar roams this world. So, you can see without form, the zoë is but potential that is inactive and without the spirit of zoë, the form is inanimate. They need one another to make each other effective. The give and take between the two creates the dance of life and ultimately the universe.

The masculine force is represented by light. Ever think about light? It is just madly flying around the universe as energy until it strikes form. When it hits form, the reaction causes the light to manifest. Think about it. It’s pretty amazing. Light from stars, billions of light years away, eventually reaches us and the light they give off strikes our retinas and we cause it to change its state from potentiality to actually coming into existence. In other words, this is a grand teaching of the ineffectual nature of the masculine force without the feminine force of form to activate it. Our human bodies encapsulate this idea with our biological forms being powered by free floating cosmic energy. The higher evolved among us, the plants, can directly subsist on light. We have to ingest other biological forms and inefficiently extract nutrients in order to survive. I guess our growth was stunted at some point on the evolutionary ride.

The body is the animal. It has needs in order to function which must be met. It is the life force that has desires, and these desires are what lights it up to become effective and attracted to form. The desires are teased out of the masculine by the feminine nature of form and thus connecting with and fulfilling these desires allows the force to materialize. Energy is desire. It’s easy to get addicted to the resultant attraction because of the rush of power, pleasure, and fulfillment provided. The master teaches not to get attached to these powers. He does not teach avoidance but instead mastery. Access them when they come and let them go. The zoë is ineffectual without the feminine and so the hit of desire is the key to power. It’s nitrous oxide for the spirit! The journey is thus realized in that feminine form transforms energy into light. If we could see ourselves in a quantum mirror, we would see a big ball of energetic light.

Desire lights up the world. The pulsing attraction between the inherent duality in all is what keeps the game going. It’s not going anywhere. The answer my friend is to just let it flow. To want and possess goes against the divine and harmonic flow as stated so elegantly by the Tao Te Ching. Freedom is the natural way. We flow with the eternal current and to fight against it is trying to control what just is and will be.

Desire is why we do it. Why we seek power is to fulfill our desires. Desires light us up. My teacher is teaching me liberation which is to free yourself from the attachment to desires. I’ve realized I can’t transcend them, but I have to let them flow. They come, we act on them, and then let them go. What about the desire cycle and its relationship to freedom? In order to break the spell that desires as addiction have over you is a requirement to master the self. Once accomplished, everything falls by the wayside; you can stand back from the situation and see desires come and go. Eventually, you learn that just like needs such as hunger, the wants can be activated, fulfilled, or bypassed and then you move on. A good example that will allow you to realize this predicament is hunger pangs that we experience every day. It’s part of the desire system; however, a necessity for life so we don’t categorize eating as an addiction. It can easily become pathological and there are many non-stop eaters who were never able to integrate this need. Anyway, I eat two meals a day - usually at midday and the other in the evening. My body has become used to this behaviour and when the time is drawing near, I’ll start to feel hunger in my stomach or jittery in my body, especially if I drank a third cup of coffee. I know it’s time to eat or I’ll get a dry mouth, tiredness, and possibly a headache. If I’m at work, I’ll search out food and at home I’ll make a meal. I successfully stave off starvation and satisfy my cravings. I then let it go! I don’t dwell on my apparent addiction to food. This was a very instructive lesson from my teacher. The key to all of this is to not get stuck. Let it flow like the natural flow of energy in the universe. Becoming free doesn’t mean you become an ascetic or renunciate free of desire. Instead, desire appears and having free will and choice, you can do what you wish with desire. If you become addicted to the hit of desire, then you lose your freedom and an external influence controls your actions. See how it works?

The master teacher is relentless and if necessary, he will allow chasing these desires to destroy and kill if you are weak and get addicted to them. Imagine my surprise when I learned my teacher has never transcended desire and that his nature is one who continually seeks out fulfillment of all desire through the liberation process with the catch being none of them stick. Talk about leading by example! He’s really quite the cool guy though he has dragged me through the mud in order to teach me all these lessons. Everything keeps evolving. At one point I thought if I master the self then I can eschew all desires. He let me struggle with that for a while, so I’d learn that you never vanquish them but instead through self-mastery do not let them control you. Express them, do what you have to do, and move on. Don’t get caught. Don’t get hung up with anxiety, depression, shame, obsession, and the like. There are many hooks on the wings of desire to entrap you into its clutches.

Stay free.

all is vibration

The first time I drank Ayahuasca the Great Goddess told me all is vibration as she was leaving at the end of the night. I remember my finger tapping quickly and rhythmically on the maloca floor as I was coming down back into my body. This knowledge stuck with me though I didn’t really understand it. I wrote a poem about this encounter after I returned home that summed up my feelings.

i am the music

celestial songbird,

with notes of grace.

this warbling Goddess

sings to me.

she tells me

all is vibration.

do i understand?

maybe, maybe not.

the time signature

slowly changes.

forever playing,

the chorus repeats:

her song of love,

forgiveness and longing.

my life is that song.

i am the music.

When I turned 50 I went on a trip where I was determined to finish my spiritual climb up the mountain and I arranged the trip so that I would physically climb mountains. At that point in my journey, I had encountered the dragon plus the requisite fear that meeting inculcates and as a result in order to continue on in my search I successfully transformed myself into a brave warrior. Nothing was going to stop me now on my quest for knowledge. I look back at that point in my life and realize I had the answers I was looking for but hadn’t integrated them yet into understanding but I correctly knew I was at the point where I could finish my climb. I ended up in the Andes mountains in Ecuador drinking Huachuma in the backyard of a local shaman. During the sessions I was given the information of how vibration, frequency, and resonance work and assigned homework to piece it all together so I could fully understand it. Here is what I wrote about this lesson:

It was demonstrated that you can temporarily lower your frequency signature through the use of sound and employing mantras. When your frequency matches another’s, you are in harmony and this resonance allows you to become one with the other that is expressing the same oscillation. First, it was explained how this is the reason why people are attracted to each other. The example given is when two people fall in love as It is not necessarily rational but neither can fight it because they are locked together in harmony. Once I understood this, the lesson was extrapolated into ancient technologies and I was shown how the pyramids were built. Once you find the frequency of the stone you wish to move then you alter the frequency of your workers to match and it allows for easy manipulation of megaton stones as the stone and the builder have become one. The assembling of these grand monuments then became a matter of showcasing design skills as the construction became an execution of plans by manipulating frequency through sound to achieve resonance. While being taught this I kind of thought I already might know this. It just became a case of remembering what I already knew. I became elated with this teaching that was being flooded into my thought processes like a flower opening up to the rising sun. I knew that this knowledge being revealed to me involved homework on my part to verify it as well as delving into mantra that can alter my vibrational signature. This renewed my spirit and I was so enjoying the day with Grandfather. My homesickness abated and I felt in great spirits to finish my odyssey. San Pedro then went on to explain to me how a master frequency or sync pulse is the one we all attach to and creates what we think is reality. It is the hypnotic pulse of who we like to call Satan or the world system/order. To get out of the matrix stop locking to this pulse, create your own, or practice altering your frequency so you don't get attached and stuck in this master world oscillation. Slow time down by raising your good vibrations and leave Satan's morass behind. Be the master of your own world and create your own vibration which will cause people to follow you instead of the common world vibration, which in mythology is the pied piper playing a tune.

I let the process unfold and didn’t try and force it, figuring understanding would come when I was ready. Little did I know my expectations of the length of time a course should take and the time span of courses offered by Grandfather Huachuma were wildly different. At any rate, it has been about four years and the lessons and understanding are hitting me with full force.

The world is made of vibration. The vibration is the interplay between the divine feminine and masculine. The pull of the feminine on the masculine keeps him from accelerating beyond the speed limit of light. The force of the masculine keeps the feminine from decelerating into imperceptible motion. The alternating motion created by their attraction is the frequency of the vibration.

Consciousness is a fancy name for frequency. By this, I mean all the talk of raising consciousness is the same as raising your vibration and locking into a different and higher frequency. Energy is the interplay of masculine and feminine. The game is acceleration versus deceleration. When the masculine is dominant we have liberation from form. When the feminine takes centre stage, we have form. I live in a world of form and I’m in a lower frequency where the energy has locked to a pulse that is slow enough to allow objects to coalesce. The masculine acceleration is used by the feminine to create the massive spin of form resulting in a gravitation pull that allows for biological life in a relatively stable environment. In essence, the wise feminine uses the masculine force against himself. Check and mate! The earth is a playground created by Pachamama for her children. The destructive power of the masculine accelerant moves the game along and doesn’t allow the form to stay forever in one piece thus our world is defined by change. So, consciousness is the rate of vibration that the drama is taking place upon. Within the drama is a spectrum of frequencies that are accessible while in a human body.

The world, as in culture, has a dominant frequency of greed and scarcity that we lock to. It is not set in stone and can change however it is the current paradigm that we play within and in times of frustration call the rat race. As individuals, we are all different and have our own dominant frequency we operate at and most us can move within a couple of these frequencies with relative ease as well as having access to more levels of consciousness. For the most part, most of us never reach these higher levels.

I always kind of smirked when people would bring up astrology and the zodiac. It’s preposterous to a rational man like myself. I mean come on, there’re twelve signs and of the seven billion plus people on earth we can fit everyone into one of those 12 signs like a cookie cutter human? Sorry, does not compute. Alan Watts had a great explanation for the phenomenon. I’ll paraphrase it as your sign is a snapshot of the state of the universe at your time of birth since everything is cyclical. Thinking like an ancient in that you are connected to everything and an expression of the universe, this made sense to me. I read a lot of Carl Jung and came across his 12 Jungian archetypes and did the test. It accurately pegged me as a Sage and this got me thinking if his brilliant mind could boil people down to 12 personality types maybe this astrology thing was on to something?

I’ve been a little obsessed with the Hindu chakras as of late and have been studying them on and off for about a year, letting concepts sink in, and incorporating them into my spiritual practice. Due to my work with the Mesa and Mapacho, I’m very familiar with my inner power and how to manifest it. My nightly dalliances with Kundalini energy moving up with great turbulence through my energy centres allows the inquisitive part of me to try and figure it out. She repeatedly moves up through the seven energy centres and I finally put two and two together. Those chakras are the different frequencies readily available to us humans that I had been given instruction about during my time with Huachuma in the mountains of Ecuador. They are levels of consciousness and everyone of us has access to them but we tend to live within just two of the frequencies. I started doing this exercise where to every one I know I assign a dominant chakra and a secondary chakra. Of course, I easily figured out my two.

The crown chakra is a state of being you can visit but to remain there would take major sacrifice. I am reminded of the stories Ram Dass tells about his guru Maharaji, who spends the day counting his beads and mumbling to himself “ram, ram, ram, ram…” It now seems clear to me what he was doing. He was staying high; so high he stayed in omnipotent crown chakra god mode as long as he focussed on that vibration. I’m sure he would come down to teach but then had his method for getting back up to the crown.

Enlightenment in this context seems to be the process of changing vibration and accessing all frequencies available to an eternal being ensconced within a human body. When you can light them all up and hit the jackpot, instead of just a couple at a time, that seems to be an actual process you could accurately call enlightenment. As you approach the white light time slows down and welcomes you to eternity. I wonder what frequencies of experience await when it comes time to drop the body? When you once again become omnipotent the levels of consciousness must be astronomical. Something I'll look forward to!

Ego is dependent upon the common cultural frequency to which you lock. It’s comfortable to act within your role in a narrowly defined drama. When you alter your consciousness, the ego flags it as a threat. You think you are being hypnotized when in essence you are being deprogrammed and given freedom to scan the consciousness spectrum which causes the ego to go on high alert. The old dependable you, who can be manipulated by the power centres within culture, is waking up. If you keep it up you are going to start breaking character and really tasting all life has to offer.

Okay, so let’s take a quick look at the seven frequencies of the subtle body. Our base chakra called the Muladhara is our wild nature before all the overlays of life are added. It’s our natural physical nature and we see this energy on display within animals. It’s our survival instinct that allows us to go into warrior mode for preservation or run from the danger magnified by fear if necessary. Meet a free-spirited person and they likely have this chakra as one of their main frequencies they traverse. The second chakra is the home to our lusts, desires, passions, and urges which also fuels the creative juices within us. We all know someone who expresses these traits explicitly out in the open while culture forces most of us to bury these passions which in turn causes them to build up to the point the energy must be satiated. Gluttony unchecked and the desire for more is found at this level of consciousness. Satiating desire is so satisfying and thus this is a hard obstacle to get past. The third chakra is our personal power. This powerful mental energy is found in politicians and those who strive to make it in this world. It’s the main frequency of the world, forcing everyone to play the game of fame and fortune to survive. The egomaniac pulses with this power. Lower chakras are what we normally experience in this world and here we find the final block as we strive and drive towards personal greatness. From this "all for me" energetic vibration it’s a short jump to the heart chakra. Breaking past the obstacle of selfishness leads you directly into the heart. The heart is the home of love and compassion that we constantly confuse with the second chakra. Eventual understanding leads to the recognition that in a human body this chakra in the centre is where we find the answer we seek. In duality, the only answer is to unconditionally love all. We are all of the same unfolding energetic pulse. I am you as you are me and we are all together. The fifth chakra is the throat chakra where we learn of the power we have to influence others through our speech. It is describing the magnetic personality of many that can be used to influence and gain power. As with all the levels of vibration, it can be used for positive or negative means. Personally, this chakra reminds me to live in truth and drop the narrative I create about myself. As well, be conscious now that I am older of the effect my words have on the younger generations who are still seeking out their place in life. The sixth chakra is the third eye in the psychic plane. As a natural born mystic, I know all about this chakra though I spent most of my life not knowing of my nature or my connection. Once I discovered a way to alter my consciousness, making a connection with the spiritual realm became second nature. There is a tie in to the creative energy of the second chakra which hints at the sacredness of sexual energy to the spiritual. The seventh chakra is the crown chakra where you return to omnipotence and find yourself as god/goddess. Like I said earlier, you can’t stay there but it’s fun to get a glimpse of omnipotence.

How long can you stay there, well, this goes for any of the vibratory states, is determined by your mastery of each level. From a purely colloquial standpoint, the language used within spiritual circles is pretty spot on. Terms like “I feel blocked” or “I’m going to level up” and “good vibes/bad vibes” are bandied about and the expression of these truths comes from a place within that knows. It really is quite fascinating that deep down we all know what it is we are striving for and the game becomes finding the spark that will help you remember what it is you already know. If you are chasing personal power and can’t give it up you will feel blocked and never reach the next level. Same goes for our lusts, whether that is food, drink, money, sexual pursuits, carnal pleasures and the like. If your vibration constantly pulls you towards these pursuits you’ll expend your precious energy in this frequency. It’s pretty simple to understand once you make the connections, though to put all into practice is a different story.

I was thinking the other night while smoking Mapacho about the great debt I have to some of my spiritual teachers. My rock is the Great Goddess. The Maestro of Maestros is who I call the Dragon. The three main human influences on my path have been Alan Watts, Ram Dass, and don Howard and they all brought their unique strengths and teachings to the table. Alan Watts appeals to me because of his ability to intellectually break down worldwide spiritual concepts which allows for understanding. Ram Dass is very different in that his journey was experiential and there is something to him that is very genuine. His admission that he is a spiritual dilettante is very endearing. I mean why not? The goal of a spiritual discipline should lead you to the god within and the vibratory nature of the universe. How you get there is of no real concern. I met don Howard at a time in my life when I needed guidance on the spiritual path and he provided a place I could trust as well as introducing me to concepts and experiences I would never have come across. The power of the Mesa and my love of Mapacho are directly related to my good fortune of coming into his sphere of influence and I don’t think it was accidental. I mean, I can’t envision my life path and all I have discovered without having met the wizard. Anyway, I bring up these three men because their teachings are multi-faceted and you can listen to them over and over again because when you’re ready you will grok the teaching. I usually joke about listening to Alan Watts’ lectures about ten times before I finally understand the topic. Ram Dass’ teachings are simpler and more heart based. They are laid out pretty straightforward and in this way he is being a conduit for his guru Maharaji. I have mentioned before the simple teaching of Maharaji telling him to "Love all and tell the truth.” This advice is wildly transforming. I happened upon one of his earlier lectures and he was talking about vibration and everything was lining up with what I have discovered in my own experimentation. It’s funny that of course now this is resonating with me. This led to me remembering a three-word slogan he uses. Love Serve Remember. Love all, Serve all, and Remember God.

I grew up chafing at religion, God, and the like so the use of the word God is always slightly problematic. Ram Dass talks of God, guru, and self all being one so I get what he means by remembering God. I finally made the connection of the missing link of vibration and it relates to what this blog post is all about. Maharaji would sit all day with his blanket and mumble “ram, ram, ram, ram…”. Ram being God. Everyday, in his notebook he’d write two pages of “ram, ram, ram, ram…”. He’d have his beads in his hands constantly counting them while remembering God. He mastered vibration and was using these techniques to stay in the crown chakra! So, he gives the simple instruction “Remember God.” You want to hang out at this level of consciousness then it’s really easy. Spend every waking moment doing acts that will bring you to God. You want to be in the heart chakra then Love All and Serve All. That’s it. Easy, right?

do you believe in god?

At multiple points in our life we face this strange question: Do you believe in God? Curiously, it’s not a one-time occurrence. Over and over again you are asked this question and I have always found it catches me off guard and I have an internal reaction to the question. You can’t escape the question because for some it's a veiled way to judge you by how you answer. The religious will know they can count on you to join in their groupthink if you answer in the affirmative and the atheist will give you a knowing nod if you answer no. As well, there is the child who innocently asks you the same question with no ulterior motive. Because they look up to you and can be influenced by your answer, I’m always hesitant to answer.

I have a friend on a similar journey who has been using this word quite regularly as of late and it is the catalyst for why I actually wanted to concretize my experience with “God” so the next time someone asks me this question I can wax eloquently for a nauseatingly long time about what I know.

Now, I said, "what I know" because I’m not comfortable with faith and belief. Indeed, it is possible you can know and the remnants of my coming of age as a man of reason and logic still influence my thought processes. In fact, I wouldn’t be walking this spiritual path if I didn’t think I could know. I would have abandoned ship a long time ago. I’m not saying that I’ll ever know all the answers because I won’t but as long as I keep going on the path I’ll acquire knowledge which will then lead to understanding and eventually you will see me as a madman on the street corner quoting biblical verses about the need to repent and the coming apocalypse. Okay, scratch the last part. Instead, my goal is to be able to formulate my answer to this strange question in a way that will plant a seed.

I’m surprised it has taken me this long to actually sit down and write out my answer to the question. I say this because when I reached middle age 13 years ago, I resolutely decided I was going to discover the origin of beliefs. I considered myself an atheist but I was curious as to why humans had these strange beliefs in god, gods, and the like. We have a great capacity for the irrational however at the same time it is always balanced out by the level-headed among us and for a great deal of human history this question would have been preposterous to even ask. The rational and irrational took this for granted and did not question the existence of the gods. I pondered the reasons for these unchallenged beliefs; deducing that superstition and wishful thinking along with a desire for an explanation of why things are the way they are in order to find meaning and purpose to life were plausible as answers. I also hypothesized maybe there was more to it than my rational brain could comprehend and perhaps the mystics of yore were able to make a connection with ethereal spirits. At any rate, I was supremely self-confident in my ability to eventually find the answer. It’s something that has served me well in my life - I know if I put my mind towards a problem I’ll get the answer. That in combination with the realization I’m a mystic at heart will lead me into uncharted territory the sober logicians among us fear to tread. As a champion of reason and logic, it is quite surprising that I can approach the mystical and explore. The scientist can only get so far before they start trying to map out the experience instead of letting go and free-falling into the abyss.

When I started out on this path, I investigated the world religions of current day and antiquity and became fascinated with the ancient Egyptians. The soaring majestic structures of the land and outpouring of religious literature of their culture led me towards an intellectual acceptance that allowed me to take them at their word. I believed what it was they were trying to convey. Would you build an unfathomable pyramid based upon superstition? Not only that, but the construction of multiple pyramids plus hundreds of temples. This allowed me to turn my efforts towards figuring out how they did it. By it I mean not how they managed to physically build a pyramid which is a mystery in itself, but how they came into contact with their gods. To make a long story short, in essence a study of the great goddesses of the land gave me the answer. The great goddess Hathor at her temple in Denderah was propitiated and approached through ecstatic dance, percussive and rhythmic music making, and intoxication. I connected this to archaic shamanism and a series of fortunate events then led me into the Amazon basin to drink this psycho-spiritual potion called Ayahuasca. Within a half hour of drinking that cup I had my answer.

Knowledge and understanding are quite different concepts. Just because I now knew there was a realm of spirits, gods, and goddesses didn’t mean I understood what it was all about. That has taken over seven years to get to the point where I can confidently answer the question, "do you believe in God?"

And here’s my answer. I believe in God and Goddess. I’ve met them. I have spoken at length with both of them.

As a mystic, it's actually not surprising I can do this. There currently isn't an academy for aspiring mystics that award you with a diploma in recognition of your power. Instead, you just know. It's the same with enlightenment where we look externally for confirmation of our spiritual mastery. It's quite funny to me. 

God and Goddess are my eternal parents who are the omnipresent flowing energy that are the fundamental makeup of everything in this universe. Everything is energy and the energy is the interplay of God and Goddess. The masculine divine is the acceleration of the pulse of energy and the divine feminine is the deceleration of the energy. She creates form and he provides the form with the spark of life. She promotes the coming together of all through love and he seeks liberation through destruction of form. The attraction between the two and the constant transformation at the heart of all is just what is. When they are together in a cosmic embrace we have darkness and potential. Come the Big Bang we have separation and light. And the appearance of a multitudinous of form as in their offspring. Within creation plays out the continual eternal pulse of just what is and because we have become self-aware we develop consciousness and can sense the energetic patterns of the universe. The evolution of this conscious awareness is the gift of mom and dad. Their children were conceived to become greater than the gods through the combination of energy and consciousness. The ultimate gift of love consists of eternal life in combination with knowing you are eternal. Your parents created this for you and bequeathed it all to their children.

My father doesn’t suffer fools. It has to be this way to teach you to be a brave warrior, full of strength and courage. Stand up for yourself. Don’t be a coward. The many faces of God are all my cosmic dad; the supreme actor whose methods of teaching are harsh. In addition, he is like the genie with the three wishes. He will offer you whatever you want and the smart play is turn him down and put him back in the bottle. I chafed at the god of the Old Testament for so long until I saw in him one of the many faces of God. Meet him in this guise and the phrase, “fear and trembling” comes to life. Now, I read the story of the Jews and see in it what happens when you ask for power. These are stories about power, reciprocity, recompense, and the consequences of not living up to your end of the bargain.

My mom created this playground called earth that us ungrateful siblings are fouling at an accelerated rate. I remember when I started out in earnest on the hero’s journey to reveal the mystery and find my treasure. She knew it could end in disaster because the ultimate alpha male, my dad, pulls no punches and will kill you if he must to teach you a lesson. She tried to hold on to me, to protect me, but eventually realized I had to do it. I was ready and she had to let me go. She gave me her cloak of protection and sent me on my way to face the dragon.

Throughout our lives the answer to the mystery stares us right in the face. We just don’t see it. As a parent you want everything for your children. You sacrifice. You witness them rebel and try to make it on their own and you let them go because you know it has to be this way. You want to step in and make it all work for them; to give them advice and a helping hand but ultimately you know for growth you let them find their way and hope that one day they find their way back home. I have walked this path for a long time now and I have returned to the steps of the front door of mom and dad. The greatest gift is the discovery of just who you are. I see it clearly now and the tears are flowing as I ready for the reunion. We are all the sons and daughters of God and Goddess. The two divine parents are the essence of my being and I carry them with me on my forever path.

tempered

To be birthed by the Goddess gives rise to the ability to become greater than the gods. The child coming forth from her contains both the masculine life force and the feminine life form. Into consciousness we are birthed with the potential to harmonize both powers. Instead of harbingers of either power, we can combine them into a harmonious whole and realize the appearance of the indestructible life force into the conscious world of forms, eventually discarding the body and becoming a perfected being following the example of the caterpillar’s metamorphosis into a butterfly. Her powers of intoxication must be the key to discovering and achieving this synthesis. Through rhythm and dance, the song of our lives beats outs the time signature that implores us to become whole and make our mother proud. I rise from darkness, a miracle.

Contained within the spiritual journey is the discovery of the raw energy that animates all. It’s desire. It is Eros who lights you up and you chase the pleasure it brings. Life becomes a game of desire fulfillment and a drive and purpose for getting you out of bed in the morning. I’m all too familiar with this whole scenario I am writing out and I have tried to transcend desire in order to get my spiritual bona fides only to realize this was an impossible task. Later, I learned I cannot transcend desire because I am desire. Okay, I’ll embrace it then; well, not go full on tantric but learn to incorporate desire into my life and not let it over take my existence to the detriment of dominating my life. I didn’t have any idea how I was going to do that and not much of a plan.

My modus operandi is usually to stumble onto answers when I am ready for them. The page in the textbook is turned over and on to the next lesson. The strange part is I already have the knowledge but did not have the requisite experience to fully understand what I know. And here we are. I know desire is what manifests creation. It’s the magical elixir that brings the world into form. It’s raw and red masculine energy; to wit the animating principle that gives the feminine form the juice to allow her to weave her magic. This power can rise up through the body, piercing energetic blocks as it ascends. It’s the basis of kundalini yoga and the chakra system in Hinduism. The serpent is propelled by the energy up and out through the colour spectrum until it reaches the astral plane as purified white light. I have recently written about the ancient Egyptian conception of this purified white light as the Akh, a heron that is the vehicle for the unification of the energetic and conscious components within the human. Eros is the unbridled energy from your shadow who is ever present but relies on the conscious coming forth of the biological life form in order to play. Combining the two makes for a conscious and energetic form that upon realization of their predicament realizes they are all-powerful. It’s quite the rush, with the potential to be highly disruptive and destructive. The superman created by this union needs the power of the Goddess in order to temper the steel. This elixir is Love. Love of the woman purifies the man. This is the completion of the journey up and out through the body and into the astral plane as fully realized conscious energy. A new form birthed through the fires of incarnation that is the epitome of life’s journey. To become greater than the gods; welcomed by the Great Goddess, the mother of all who sacrifices everything for her children.

The first time I drank Ayahuasca I was lifted up and up through the Goddess’ castle until I reached the top. I was on a bed in the middle of her golden room, exalted, and in her eyes, I could do no wrong. Eight years later, I finally realized the initial meeting with the Goddess was a mirroring of the rising energy of kundalini through the chakras. The raising up was intended to propel my being into the realm of the Goddess. I was privy to experiencing the journey of energy towards a purification that leads you to her realm.

Wow, eight years to figure it out. I was awestruck at the time. Sometimes, I wish I could figure out what I’m being shown in vision on the fly as I have a good grasp of myth and belief however I do realize the knowledge is best left for epiphany when I finally grasp the concept. The clues left for me in my day to day life are extraordinary and I always have to be on the lookout for them. I have had friends recently implore me to look more into the chakras, which allowed me to see the connections.

What it has led me towards is something I have been sitting with at night for a bit. I conduct a ritual in the evening where I combine with my shadow. We come together to form a new entity at the head of my Mesa which is the combination of consciousness and energy. I use the example of the butterfly as it drops the body of the caterpillar in order to be free and flies uninhibited through the sky. In addition, is a skull on the table which reminds me that eventually I will drop the body in the circle of life. I envision the liberation of the energetic form. This combination of consciousness and energy creating a new being that is greater than the gods, forged through the fires of incarnation. The Goddess is at the head of this construct, tempering the steel, this all-new and all-powerful form, with the magical elixir of love.

This is a game like no other. It’s off-limits to pretty much all. The fires of hell forge steel tempered by the love of the Goddess. Power is infused with the elixir of the Goddess as a check upon self-destruction. Power and liberation without love is an orgy of destruction. Love without liberation is smothering. The constrictor will suffocate the life out of you. Welcome to the party.

Another lesson - the purification of the energy in the chakra system is demonstrating how we can raise our consciousness to what would be considered holy and is the meaning of spiritual holiness. We are here on earth creating gods and the Mother is teaching us to become holy and pure, instilling within us a higher consciousness. The human project reaches its fulfillment with the dropping of the body and the release of the spirit you have cultivated. If you are looking for a purpose to life, this is a pretty good calling.