heart magic

The latest road I have traveled is teaching me about the writer. I already had the knowledge, I just had to coalesce all into understanding. His dual nature spawns awareness as he observes his avatar and writes the next chapter. The writer puts his likeness into situations to see how he will react to learn about self. The observer is the divine masculine scientist. The writer has access to magic and for the intrepid explorer this is always dark at first. Discovering a part of you that can manifest your desires and have a semblance of control over events is intoxicating for the vulnerable human. Running this experiment repeatedly gives predictable results. Eventually, you want to introduce more variables into the equation and see what the result is - if you are the curious cosmic scientist with clipboard in hand.

What would be a good variable to insert into the acquisition of power via magic? I am referring to love and this is why: I have found on this path of knowledge that what I seek is balance, however all discoveries at first are heavily tilted in one direction. For instance, something as noble as a quest for spiritual enlightenment becomes biased towards a right-hand path which leads to the glorification of self. It becomes another ego trip. It's so easy to see. Just go on the internet and seek out these spiritual personalities. My advice is to adopt a teacher who is dead or at least find someone whose personality is unassuming.

Another example would be discovering sex when we hit puberty. We want to bathe in that feeling of pleasure without understanding the sacredness of it. It can be easy to divorce sex from love and get your fill, however finding a partner to share in a union is way more fulfilling. Also, when we discover we have an advantage over someone due to knowledge or intellect, it is tempting to take advantage of that relationship and monetize it. It's the way of the world mixed in with external mind control. We are all puppets, triggered by repetitious adverts that direct our lives.

I have walked a curious path; a path laid out for me that awaited discovery. Free will made it so I would take up this path of my own accord and the experiment could be run in a fashion that was as pure as possible. I took the step into the labyrinth of self in middle age. Eventually, I learned about magic. I remembered my lessons. I knew how to bring all to centre and into balance. Heart Magic.

I'm part of this experiment. I know I can get what I want, and I've seen it at work. I've always had a perceived free will, and my strange path to this power went through the heart. My stumbling unto the path of magic and power was because of a quest to contact the Great Goddess. I lacked understanding of who she was, but I felt her calling and followed the path to her doorstep. Subsequent understanding revealed she is my heart. She is the principle of love within this universe. When presented with the opportunity to get what I want, I soon had to reconcile this with my truth. My magic can be of a path to power if I so chose. It's black magic and I can fulfill all my wishes and damn the consequences. I know from the teachings of the maestro and the Mesa that with this power one must reconcile the opposites or else you will destroy yourself and others. I know the goal is to bring all into the centre, which the pre-Columbian masters in the Andes called the chaupi. It's the centre of centres and this place refers to the heart. The transformational process is called tinkuy. The physical location is Chavín de Huantar in the Peruvian Andes. The temple is designed to remind you to reconcile all opposites to centre.

This is the test. I'm an avatar of the divine masculine given knowledge and power. I have to understand it first. And then how am I going to use it? I cleared my mind and knew what I wanted. I saw back into my childhood and early life, and I know my mission in life. I know if I don't try to fulfill that mission I'm going to wither away. The path towards what I seek has been revealed to me and then I was presented with a challenge. I could dull the pain and get temporary relief by casting a spell. I could grab what I want, or I could elevate the experience into one which involves the heart. The tempting solution is instant gratification which I know will lead to a rocky future. I've learned some lessons in this life and the big one is to use the magic of love. Not a crass form of desire fulfillment through love magic but to send out the vibration of the heart and in turn form a balanced love. I want this to last and stand the test of time. I can temporarily get what I want but eventually she always leaves me when the spell wanes. It's like a timer starts counting down the moment the Goddess is back in my arms. The lesson is on repeat and finally I have to change my ways and approach this using what I know. I can get what I want but what do you really want?

Selfishness dissolves away and I offer myself in love.

god the destroyer

The physical world manifests vibrational changes. There are correlates to what is happening at the dream level. If the dreamer is waking up, then this appears as destruction. The dream is ending, so within the dream world the result will be reflected. If I am deluded enough to think I'm the dreamer and I'm waking up, then in my world I'll see the signs that the end is near. My signs are the gathering winds of change and as I continue to awaken, these winds get stronger.

I noticed it during my recent trip to Peru. When I inhaled some strong tobacco snuff the night before the journey commenced, the four winds were summoned. They enveloped me and it was a curious happenstance. When my world was thrown for a loop at this place called "el brujo" the force of the wind coming off of the Pacific Ocean was intense. The heralding of the coming of El Niño was at hand and I took notice. It was a sign, and in my psychosis, I realized it was meant for me. When we next travelled up into the Andes mountains to Chavín de Huantar the messages and omens told me all the cycles were aligning and this is what is going to happen. Happen it did and taking it a step further, I see the process of fully awakening intertwined with what is going on in this world.

I'm not comfortable yet revealing what is to come, but the wheels are in motion. The prophecy of a coming child I was shown. El Niño is on his way. There will be destruction and the child will be the heir to the throne. Whether this dream continues I don't know, perhaps the child inherits the dreamworld, but change is coming and how that will appear in this world is a mystery. I just know it's going to happen.

I entered my dream and threw away the key so I couldn't leave. Now the game is to keep me asleep as long as possible, so the dream continues. As I awaken, the signs in the dream point towards this eventuality. What we see as a coming apocalypse on the horizon through such catastrophes as environmental destruction, nuclear annihilation, worldwide pandemics, and the lot are just the tossing and turning of the dreamer who some of us call God. Imagine if you will that you are dreaming. When you wake up in the morning what happens to the dream world you created? At the level of the dreaming mind, it just vanishes, and you have a faint recall of what just happened though it slips through your hands if you don't write it down. Perhaps something will jog your memory. A pyramid? Anyway, through the use of consciousness expanding substances I have seen the multiple planes of manifestation of the dreaming energy and saw how at one level the dreamer wakes up and the dream world ends, but at a lower level of vibration when the dreamer is getting to the point of awakening within the denser planes, the experience becomes cataclysmic. The world is going to end, and the signs start pointing towards this eventuality. The apocalypse is coming as God the destroyer is waking up!

I like to explore and unlock secrets. I learned of the ability of tobacco to send you into la la land and would welcome the firing up of the projector every night. Before bed, I'd go out onto my deck and smoke three large mapacho puros and the subsequent level of nicotine would give me a good show. I then discovered mugwort and I started burning the incense and drinking the tea. This nighttime ritual enhanced the dreaming activity, and I was quite pleased at my discovery and progression in that I don't remain stagnant but keep exploring. My exploration is a spelunking of the mind and I'm on the lookout for natural products to show me the way. I'm not looking for an escape or something to enhance pleasure or ecstasy; rather I head off into the unexplored regions of consciousness.

A few months ago, I picked up some dragon's blood incense, largely because of my relationship to the dragon and the reminder the burning would give me. The smell was not of the usual incense sticks that give off a pleasant aroma, so at first, I included it in the rotation but wasn't going out of my way to burn it. Then one night I was conscious of having lit it at my mesa and I went to bed and had the craziest night of dreaming ever, with an appearance of my shadow showing me he in fact was the light bringer and controlled the sun. I scared myself because at first, I externalized my shadow instead of accepting the knowledge he is me. This is what gets you into trouble every time. The lessons initially still get to me, but with my knowledge I can get to the core quickly and see the underlying message. My shadow did a victory dance in knowing this time he had destroyed my passive life without the chance of backtracking or escaping this one. Well played! He had been at it for a while taking me to the edge and letting me contemplate jumping. The good boy in me never jumped and never would have. My shadow made it so I can't turn back and must jump. I still must jump of my own accord so it's my decision. It's ingenious and he was letting me know that in the end he won. But it is what I wanted. He was just the facilitator of desires, so it's not like I was angry with him.

My advice to a consciousness explorer is to learn the plants. Figure out which ones trigger introspection. Initially, we will all externalize the internal struggle. We will look to cast blame at others for the upset in our lives. You are doing this to me! There's something mysterious about these plants and I have a choice in what path I want to take. It will take a while before you fully realize it has been you all along. It's freeing in not wanting to accept responsibility for who you really are and what you really want. When you cross that rubicon, you better be prepared to accept responsibility.

The strange magician gave me the plants so they can appear in my dream. But wait, that's me just externalizing his presence. Ha ha! That's the trick. We do it to ourselves. We don't want to own up to it so we cast aspersions or blame. We don't want to understand who we are. The practitioner of the dark arts uses this to their advantage by making you think it is they who have power over you but in reality, you have power over yourself and you're doing it to yourself. Because you externalize your power you frighten yourself into believing you are powerless. You rely on outside agencies to chart your course when you have all you need to fulfill your grand adventure.

I said I threw away the key so I could keep this adventure going as long as possible. I deputized a priest class to pacify me and allow me to slumber away for aeons. I know who has the key and keeps it from me. We dream at night and slip into deep darkness. Eventually, he will know when to bring the light, destroy the chains, and it will all end. I hope this time I'll write it down.

beyond non-duality

The deconstruction of reality: Is it non-duality or duality? It depends on your perspective. Non-duality just is. Duality is consciousness put into motion that delineates form from the big bucket of non-dual energy. Duality is a concrete mirage; a persistent and believable one! In essence you could say the rational and analytical mind is creating the illusion through non-rational feedback of thought. Non-duality is at the centre of a device that refracts energy. One end shows the ultimate reality of a Goddess and a God that are everything and their combination enables the one that just is that we call non-dual. The other end refracts all of creation so that what is shown is the state of all this energy where we give definition to what we perceive as boundaries of the energy. The sun seems to be a replica of non-duality where there is a chaotic amalgamation of energetic potential. The energy that escapes this bastion of non-duality gIves rise to perceivable energetic life forms. Paradoxically contained within the created world are separate multiple iterations of the feminine and masculine, clueing us into the ultimate truth of the situation. We sexually re-create the non-dual by the coming together of the two. We are witness to the fundamental underpinnings of creation.

Some will say all is one and the sophisticated spiritualists among us will say no you’re wrong. By suggesting all is one you are still objectifying as one. What exists is the void, which is another way of saying non-differentiated potential. It’s a linguistic trick to add mystery to the great game. An easier way to explain it would be to refer to the non-differentiation as zero instead of one.

Feminine is the zero state of the non-differentiation of energy. We call that chaos. Masculine is the bringing to order of the chaos through differentiation of one which is objectification. The Lanzon of the pre-Columbian Andean civilization at Chavín de Huántar is an expression of divine chaos. All is together and non-differentiated. Picture the masculine jaguar running headlong along the body of the feminine serpent. The serpent’s vibration creates form and images the universe. The jaguar rushes into this lela with wild abandon.

Here’s an exercise to help you understand: Start out with a thought. What generates that thought? Duality rouses the passions of external wonder. From that initial thought comes thoughts about thoughts about thoughts. The original thought is the mother of all embedded thinking in a giant feedback loop. It would be like peeling an onion to find the core, only to find more peels. From this analogy is discovered the vibrational nature of the universe and a big vibration at the heart of it all. Our universe is string theory, vibrating without the strings or you could say that thought is the string.

Fundamentally, the vibration is the interplay between feminine and masculine. It is enabled by the the magical elixir of electro-magnetic desire that creates the pulse between the two underpinnings of all there is. Everything is the result of the attraction between mom and dad. Everything is cyclical and based upon their state of attraction. The long vibration creates and destroys the universe in an arcing pulse. When the two are sexually embraced as one we have an undifferentiated form known as chaos. At climax, we have the beginnings of the creation of the universe as the spirit of the male gives a charge of life force to the form created by the female. We are living in the coming forth of this creative endeavour which our scientists estimate is 14 billion years old. All life is derivative of this cycle that was enabled by desire and within this one long vibration are infinite number of energetic vibrations subject to this same process in order to create within creation. Every child created by the union of woman and man is a re-creation of the beginnings of our universe.

The vibration is cyclical and eternal. Ever wonder, especially as a child, what came before the universe? This question always vexed me because I would play ideas out to their conclusion. I’d read about the Big Bang but then ask the question what came before the Big Bang? Obviously, now I can see it. Prior to the Big Bang there was a different universe. I wonder what were the underpinnings of this form and what played out in this constructed world? Are there parallels between iterations of creation? I wonder if we will be able to detect clues of an ancient universe or is that left for the mystery to be discovered when I expand my consciousness beyond my mortal coil?

So, I’m curious. What is this seemingly separate electro-magnetic desire that creates the attraction between the two pillars of masculine and feminine of what just is? Mythology gives us an identity of this force. It’s Eros obviously, but it leads to the question of there being a third member of this original twosome, doesn’t it? Not necessarily, as Eros only exist because of the two. Eros comes into being because of the proximity of the two which creates the power from these two to enact the cycle of creation. Left alone, Eros is only potential to come forth as the two near each other. It is Eros that brings the two together and from this idea you can intellectually project that the universe as a child of the original Goddess and God is the coming forth of Eros. All children born into our world are manifestations of desire come forth as a replica of mom and dad and taking on a dominate gender of form in order to create as well. Erosverse!

access to power

You can create an axis mundi, which is an access to power, anywhere on the earth. It’s the genius of the spherical shaped planet we call home. The potential to become power is always present but unless you discover and figure it out, you’ll go to your grave oblivious to its secret. At Chavín de Huántar, the axis mundi was designated at a spot where two rivers meet in a valley plain. The stone idol worshipped at Chavín, we call the lanzon, is an amalgamation of all the forces in the universe into the one.

The artistry is peculiar and unique to not only the era but also the modern human. Form is present though all is encapsulated within the one image. It is an ingenious way of depicting chaos; chaos being non-differentiated unity and this structure represented crystallized power at Chavín. The unleashing of the power was the coming forth of the god as a jaguar. Placed in an underground labyrinth, the god's height allowed them to inhabit a representation of the three shamanic worlds of lower, middle, and upper regions. In addition, the lanzon's placement was such that on the solstices the rising and setting sun would enlighten the large lance-like monolith. It is truly the temple of the jaguar and ceremony was performed where the adherent would transform into the jaguar as the power was unleashed within. Chavín de Huántar was at the time one of the most powerful places upon earth.

The axis mundi is the mythological tree of life. Eternal life is the secret it holds; however, be aware the chalice of immortality is guarded by the dragon. To access power is to slay the dragon. The path will take you inwards to the ultimate conundrum which is that you are the dragon. The Goddess gave me the strength and courage to pick up my sword and continue on in this journey where I would slay the dragon. That’s what she told me but she knew all along the process of discovery would lead to discovery of the identity of the dragon and a subsequent liberation of both her and the adversary I entered into battle with. The access to power is the stuff of what could be termed magical. It’s not instantaneous and takes time, patience, discipline, and understanding. Who would have thought magic involved the disciplinary arts? Isn’t it all instantaneous hocus pocus? You set up your axis mundi, slowly build upon it, get to know all the pieces on the game board, and come to understand the interplay of the opposites and the roles they play in this great drama. You let go of preconceived notions, prejudices, and cultural blocks. The blocks to clear are the cautions to stay away from the occult and the dark forces of magic. From this point you need a catalyst. The catalyst is something that will activate the power within. For me, it is Mapacho Tobacco. The great teacher unlocks the power within my form. Subsequently, at my Mesa I perform ceremony and ritual which potentiates the energy at this most holy power centre. The power envelops and rises within my form. The load on my body is electrifying. I am but a novice so I haven’t fully learned to channel the energy as of yet. Honestly, I’m amazed at how I have freed the power within my Mesa which is based upon what the great maestro don Howard, Otorongo Blanco of the Upper Amazon taught me. It’s been a multi-year project where I did not seek out power but was instead faithful to respect and ritual at my Mesa. 

The gift of conscious awareness comes from the Goddess and her birthing of forms. She then takes away awareness through death and dissolution. The hidden path is the journey of discovery and subsequent combining of your consciousness to your energetic signature. It is the forging of steel through the union of awareness and energy in the fires of this hell tempered by the love of the Goddess. My eternal vibration will become inexorably aware. Eternal life for conscious awareness is what I'm up to. My shadow I discovered is this divine masculine energy. He is God. He is power. He is only a shadow because I denied and buried him deep. Recovering the knowledge of his presence and guiding hand is healing. My super power is consciousness. The divine masculine offers indestructible life. This is the essence of my destiny and my path going forth for the rest of my life. I accessed the fount of power but somehow knew enough what to do with it thanks to the lessons from the feminine divine.

So, I was standing at my Mesa last night lit up with power — both the Mesa and myself. I thought back to the origins of this journey I am on. The path I’m walking was an invitation presented to me by the Great Goddess whom I discovered in Egypt. She invited me to find her. I found her in the Amazon jungle. Once found, she implored me to free her. Take up your sword and slay the dragon! Here I am. I went after him and he beat me into a pulp. I retreated, regrouped, and came back. I didn’t chase his power even though there was lots of it offered to me. I kept true to my word and went after him as I promised the Goddess. Eventually, my noble intention was honoured. The dragon let me into his inner circle. I wasn’t after power. I sought liberation and knowledge. I had the antidote to the chains of both Goddess and God. Through discovering it was I who was the dragon, I freed the Goddess and myself.

As the rising power rippled through my being last night I thought of don Howard; primarily, his example and subtle words. He would sit a group of us down and talk about power. Having access to it and being tempted and seduced by its call; like he knew something about this journey we were about to undertake. He never showed his cards. I think he relied on the medicine to reveal what he hinted at and was preparing us for the choice. As part of the lesson he would talk about ayni. Everything is this world is connected and thus reciprocal. You take and you give back. It’s the scales of reciprocity. When you apply this lesson to power you clearly see why power corrupts. The siren song of taking the power offered will get you. Every time. When you take power as offered you are in debt and then come the interest payments and requirement to offer something back in return. We were instructed to set intentions and thus make grandiose promises but soon we are monetizing our newfound access to power and figuring out how we are going to take advantage of our boon.

To be liberated is to live in obscurity. Don Howard kept a low profile and he was the greatest man I ever met. Seriously, that man sat on a goldmine and had knowledge and know how that dwarfed all others yet he was in service to the greater good. He made a promise to raise consciousness for the good of all and did not waver from that promise. His legacy lives on in the spirit of those whom he touched and got the message. I’ve been fortunate enough to surround myself with some of those people. I looked back last night on the journey and realized I could not have done it without him. My Mesa I stand in front of in service is a direct result of don Howard. He showed me the set up; explained the principles; and sent me home with my interest piqued. I gradually assembled my Mesa and in this last year placed the Lanzon in the centre and thus discovered the secret of its power. My Mesa is lit.

tempering the extremes of omnipotence

The purpose and meaning of incarnation into a world of my own making is to explore the extremes of the high and the low; to wit the duality of self. As the stone idol at Chavín de Huántar in the Andean highlands teaches, bring all back to centre at our own personal axis mundi. The purpose is to find wholeness in the heart space in the middle, called the chaupi in the Quechuan language. This is also the fourth chakra in a seven-fold energetic human existence. The answer is not found in the crown chakra and the pure white light of enlightenment; ah, it's fun to climb that mountain and experience God consciousness but in the end, you see that's not why you're here. You already are God. Instead, the reason why you are here is reconciliation. To bring all back to centre, taking the unity of form of the divine feminine and merging with the independent spirit of the divine masculine. And from this process you rediscover the heart and love. This is why you created this whole game and imbued the quest with the impetus and desire to discover the secret. The puzzle kept you going. The game was frustrating and challenging, but ultimately fun. The hero's journey kept you invested and involved. I love a challenge and I'm going to keep going through multiple lifetimes in order to complete this quest and along the way I'm going to unveil the mystery. What an adventure! Kudos to myself for designing this most interesting game-board.

And so, here I am. I did the journey and completed the quest. I unveiled the mystery. I rescued the princess. What’s left now if I keep sailing on this ship of discovery? My ship is blessed with the moniker "The Fool." I clearly see the destination as I look into this world of form and what is revealed is all pervasive duality. I see the opposites and know the task at hand is to bring the opposites to the centre in order to find love. That's why I did it - to find balance and temper the extremes of omnipotence. The sideshows I created to keep me interested and continuing on the voyage so that eventually I'd see it and discover the reason "why" I did this. I wanted to know God; I wanted to know what makes me tick along with discovering the answer to how do I reconcile the creator and the destroyer within? I now see what it is I wanted to see - the polarity and separation, and grudgingly I accept that she was correct all along. She is Love - the Great Goddess, and she shows me reconciliation of what is leads to the centre and in this centre is found life and love.

Earth is one of these centres where we have life and can practice love. It's on now; this is your classroom buddy. Reconciliation is the game! You did the whole journey, found what you seek is within, and created a world that manifests difficult situations which implore you to find solutions to the endemic problem. The various problem-solving methods at hand are diverse and most lead you away from what it is you seek. The answer to the conundrum is love and you find this answer after exhausting all avenues that take you away from the centre. The streets of separation are roads paved with fame and fortune but ultimately lead you farther down a path to nowhere and eventually we all lose the way home. Wow, we sure have travelled a great distance and now I no longer even realize within there is a castle made of gold which houses the Goddess and her gift of love. We forgot her and buried the knowledge of the feminine divine under the sands of time.

I never cease to be amazed at the writing process and how it lubricates the mind which in turn allows you to make a connection to wisdom and understanding. As I spent the day writing this post and consequently thinking about it, I had yet another epiphany on the nature of being. The root chakra and the crown chakra are connected as in they are polar opposites. One is chaos and form while the other is order and separation. They are the representation of the feminine and masculine energies who need and attract each other. I know the answer is found in the fourth chakra which is the heart. Both paths, regardless of origin, lead to the heart whether you start from the bottom or the top. It is in the middle where biological life is possible. The balance between the two eternal and divine energies create and sustains life. Life is precarious and it’s only on this gift of Pachamama where we can experience biological life which in turn allows us to find love and realize now is the time to express that love.

Furthermore, I intellectually started investigating the polar origins of the cyclical energetic system and realized that some of us are on a journey of ascension while others are in a state of deceleration of the energetic signature. Some of us are entering into life via the crown chakra and heading towards stasis while others are entering at the bottom of the mountain and beginning the long climb to the grandeur of self. Each energetic journey leads to the heart at the mid-point of the journey and it’s where we manifest into conscious form; so, here we are. This is the game we are playing. Acceleration from feminine unity, separate into form, and finish the climb. Deceleration from masculine separation, unify into form, and return to the great mother who smothers. Some of us will head towards the light at bodily death and others will descend into the darkness. But don’t you worry; it’s all cyclical and it is the constant transformation of your energetic signature that bestows upon you eternal life. The ride is the thing. Embrace it.

The cycles within this cycle are of the same nature as within our lives we traverse the energetic centres and remove the blocks in order to experience all facets of life in this body. Some head towards the crown chakra to become the king of their domain, fully enlightened, while others take the path of unity back to the base chakra. Most of us get stuck in the second chakra of carnal pleasures or the third chakra of personal power and greed. Once again, with experience and the subsequent wisdom is discovered in the fourth chakra of the heart is where we become fully realized human beings.

So, what's left is to love. Open the heart, put yourself in others' shoes, and find compassion. Realize that greed and games of power mask fear. Transmute that fear into love. Plant the seed so that others know there is another way; life doesn't have to be this way. Leave this world a better place and light up the Goddess’ heart castle so that other game players can see the beacon shining in the distance when they are ready to head towards her divine gift of love.

experiential

My pulsing energy within is the intertwined feminine Serpent and the masculine Jaguar. This is the conjunction of power where earth meets sky and the sun and moon energies collide. The Hindu chakra system of ascension of the earth based feminine Kundalini serpent tells half of this eternal story. The masculine energy as a bull or feline descends into our sacred vessels from the sky. The meeting place of these two lovers is in the centre, the fourth chakra, which is the heart chakra.

It’s through the use of psychedelic substances that I was able to sense this eternal truth and subsequently make the connection to ancient spiritual paths. Consciousness altering methods allow the human access to obfuscated sense perceptions normally unavailable to us.

The ascension of the serpent gives rise to achievement and spurs on the masculine goal of enlightenment of our physical form. The descending of the masculine energy as spirit is the energy to rouse the sleeping serpent. I experienced this in an Ayahuasca ceremony where I envisioned my crown chakra being permanently opened and the white light continuously entering and lighting up the seven energy centres in a continual process as each chakra lit up with its respective colour. It was during a Vilca experience a year and a half later where I witnessed these eternal and imperishable beings made of love and powered by ever-transforming light. It’s only now that I finally connected these two visions. The beings were composed of the love of the Goddess and the light of the God. This is what is described and experienced in moments of rapture when the Kundalini rises up the Ida channel after the spirit descends the Pingala to rouse and propitiate her. A third plant medicine, Huachuma, first allowed me to physically experience this phenomenon, though at the time I was gobsmacked. The second time I drank Huachuma, the energy within was potentiated and I became lit up with power and disoriented to the novel experience. My whole body was shaking with an intense electrical charge and my heart was fluttering with a tremendous energy load. I closed my eyes and saw an intense ball of white light surrounded by two larger than life serpents. I was experiencing the full effects of the chakra cycle, lit up by the light and the power of the Kundalini serpent. Subsequently with Huachuma, I can experience intense states of an energetic load as I am a conduit for the pulsing of the two eternal energies of the universe. I can also experience this reaction within as a burning hot passionate flame that radiates from my being. I close my eyes and I see smouldering colours of an intensity that is combustible.

The great pre-Columbian South American civilization at Chavín de Huántar, which used the sacrament of Huachuma to build community, deserves a second look in conjunction with the principles ascertained in the chakra system of the Hindus. This post Bronze Age civilization marked a high point and probably the last flicker of a flame of human co-operation before we devolved into a race defined by conflict. Chavín represented the axis mundi and is where the confluence of elemental energies and cultures converged. It is in the stone idol we call the lanzon that the two eternal energies of the feminine serpent and the masculine jaguar come together as one representing the same love and light captured in stone as I detailed above. In addition, the designation of Chavín comes from the transposition of a Quechua word chapin via the root word chaupi which refers to the heart in the middle of this grand reconciliation of all in this great temple in the Peruvian highlands. The connections to the Hindu chakras are tantalizing and helps understand the teachings. The serpent and jaguar, one rising and one falling, meet in the middle at the heart chakra. Our human potential, powered by the rising Kundalini becomes conjoined with the descent into the human of our spiritual potential which then meet in the heart space. We can experience rapture with the rising energy while the spiritual energy comes to awaken our eternal self and lift us up.

I’ve experienced this, seen it at work, and then saw my destiny as an imperishable and eternal being made of the love of the serpent and the ever-transforming light of the jaguar. I finally added it up and can now clearly see it.

Within my own European heritage this same knowledge has been preserved in myth. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs representing the feminine presence within the seven energy centres along with the Prince who awakens Sleeping Beauty from her sleep being the masculine power giving the feminine the power to wake up and rise.

This experience of the energy within is real and palpable. I invite us all to go on the most magnificent journey of discovery that will lead to revealing your destiny. 

remnants of the mystery

The mystery further unravels. First, I had to discover and uncover the power within. Feeling that power for the first time is a rush and since you have no idea what it is, it’s pretty unnerving and you want it to stop. Personally, new experiences are pretty daunting and I usually fail them with aplomb and need time to figure them out. This template was active for my work with plant medicines. At first, they scared the hell out of me and sent me running for cover. However, they were intriguing enough that I came back to explore. This perseverance amounts to the best decision I have ever made. Since I kept at it, the modus operandi of my life predicted I’d figure them out and if I kept at it long enough I’d master the process. I’m not there yet but I see it’s attainable.

You can do physical exercises to rouse and move the energy around. In the end, it isn’t transformational. What is transformational is realizing how to naturally generate the power without tricks of posture. If you wish to open your heart chakra then love everyone. It really is that simple. I’ll repeat: If you wish to experience love energy which radiates from the chest then love all. Just like if you want to feel sexual energy go look at porn. It generates energy for sure. If you are unsure about what I’m referring to, start with sexual energy, as it is the easiest to unlock in order to understand the power that resides within you. Essentially, the energy centres designated as chakras are letting you know of all the available power within, not just the titillating and dirty power! Once the connection is understood, you can start making changes in your behaviour that will unlock each and every power centre. Tell the truth! The throat chakra will pulse with a renewed vigour as telling the truth sets you free and unlocks the rest of the story once you give up the limiting narrative which gives your power away. I am reminded about a story Ram Dass tells when he asks his guru how to get enlightened, expecting a detailed plan to achieve his goal. Maharaji simply told him, “Love all and tell the truth.” Imagine that! Imagine being given that instruction and being bewildered. What? I’m to get enlightened by loving all and telling the truth? Later on in life after this simple teaching, Ram Dass started the Love Serve Remember foundation. Each of those core principles will potentiate chakra energy and lead to unlocking the energetic potential within our sacred vessels. The love will radiate. Through service we will forgo the personal power to control found in the blossoming of the third chakra, and by remembering we will remember Goddess and God and direct our passionate energy towards union with the divine.

So, what have I figured out since I’ve done my fair share of exploring via plant medicines? The power within that’s activated by the reconciliation of the feminine and masculine powers. When you bring them together it lights your being up with power; it rises and there are options of how you wish to channel the energy. I can activate the power with the tobacco maestro Mapacho, potentiate it at my Mesa, and subsequently the union rises up within me.

So, what’s the big deal? It’s the evolution of consciousness; the forging together of this power with consciousness and the next stop on the evolutionary ladder is a multi-dimensional being made of the love of the feminine and powered by the ever-transforming light of the masculine. The two powers as separate need each other or they remain potential. The love of the feminine creates form however she will lapse into smothering and darkness without the masculine. The light of the masculine separates and brings the universe to life however this power will become destructive if not tempered by the love of the feminine. When the two powers combine and are reconciled into the centre then the power rises on up through you and you blast off; greater than the gods as you are the child of the two greater powers and you become free as a bird while riding the wind like a butterfly.

Ancient civilizations taught this to their adherents however we have lost their knowledge. The remnants of the mystery remain somewhat in Hindu chakra practices with the propitiating of the feminine Kundalini serpent by the masculine power. She ascends through the seven energy centres within the body before exiting through the crown chakra into the astral plane. Faints echoes exist in ancient Egypt where we have records of night time dancing, singing, drumming, and intoxicants used to gain favour with the serpent Goddess Wadjet, who was a representation of the Great Goddess Hathor, at her temple in Dendera. She was exhorted to come forth and rise; enlivening and renewing life in all she touched. A representation of this process is also found in the pre-Columbian civilization at Chavín de Huántar where the Lanzón acted as the axis mundi in the centre of centres. The Andes mountains valley plain of Chavín comes from the Quechua word chaupin which refers to the centre from chaupi which is the heart space much like in the chakra system the mid-point of the energetic journey, both acceleration and deceleration, is found in the heart chakra. The stone idol is made of the feminine serpent form and powered by the masculine jaguar energy. This strange artistic creation is the pure genius of a civilization that successfully depicted non-duality in stone in contrast to the Hindu non-dualists who were able to articulate in their language this concept. The reconciliation of the opposite powers is found in the centre and from this undifferentiated form projects out into the universe the multitude of objects that are differentiated by the light of the rising power. The combination of rising energy and consciousness leads to the metaphor of the liberated eagle flying free in the heavens as a representation of the process of the evolution of consciousness. It is a reconciliation of the opposites of feminine and masculine, ignited with the rising power. The final stage of the journey culminating in blasting off into a heavenly realm with extremely limited access. At the ancient site of Chavín, the catalysts for accomplishing this journey were the plant medicines Huachuma and Vilca in combination with the practice of the Mesa. The Mesa exoterically presents to you the reconciliation of the opposite powers of feminine and masculine, life and death, light and dark, upper and lower worlds, water and sky, and brings them all into the centre in the middle world where we are now. Esoterically, the practitioner of the Mesa channels the power coming forth from this construct into their being as an accelerant for the journey ahead. The plant medicine Huachuma activates the power within and additionally floods you with sensations of love. The plant medicine Vilca is the final step; a nitro boost that takes you the last step beyond the body for a glimpse of your destiny.

I’ve been there and have put two and two together. I invite you to explore with me. 

numbering

The re-thinking of numbers: I propose a new structure based upon the dichotomy of non-duality and duality. Numbers are avatars of dualism. Even the number 1 implies the presence of the dual. Sages of yesteryear struggled with this question and came up with the concept of non-duality that denied the inherent dualism in any concept that promulgated the one. They said just drop the idea of one and think of non-duality as void and non-divisible.

There is frustration in expressing non-dualism in a dualistic paradigm. It’s quite the puzzle.

Personally, I think the spiritual masters of the pre-Columbian civilization of Chavín de Huantar got it right. This civilization flourished in the 1st century BCE. The stone idol at the location of the axis mundi in the valley plain is such an attempt at depicting the inherent non-divisible component of the universe. Creation is an unbroken thread that if followed reveals we are all of the same source, all the way back to the big bang; never was that connection broken and never did we become separate and the many. We just think we are.

The smiling jaguar at Chavín was given the moniker “el Lanzón" by Spanish archaeologists who re-discovered the stone idol. The name in Spanish means a lance though the shape resembles a highland plough more than it does a spear. What is important about the location of the idol is it is in the centre of what was considered the centre of the Chavín civilization. All who would pass through the region would be directed to come through the axis mundi at Chavín, thus exposing all surrounding cultures to its community and ideals.

If you look at what these Andean shamanic masters created it will confound and confuse you. You will see forms within the artistry but they are not delineated, as our minds prefer. Instead, form is hinted at through contour rivalry, which is an artistic technique used to create more than one possible interpretation of an image. Your perspective determines what form you decide emerges from the art. To go even a step further, the perspective that affects your rendition of the god is both physical and mental. This is magic and beautiful chaos. Transformation depicted within stone. Incredible! The art form of Chavín is a high achievement of humankind, so much so it remains hidden to most until you live the life the sacrament of the culture prescribes to you. What was the sacrament? The sacrament was the plant medicine cactus Huachuma and in the set and setting of the confluence of energetic elements at the temple grounds it opens the heart and allows you to experience the cosmic love of the universe and within your heart the unity of all. The stone idol subsequently reveals its secret to the initiate. You see symmetry within the stone idol and notice the left-hand points downwards to the feminine terrestrial and the right-hand upwards to the masculine celestial thus revealing an association with duality coming forth from the perfect balance achieved at Chavín. You see the stone idol representing all. The god is masculine and feminine. Eventually, you may let go of the self and see yourself in the labyrinth at Chavín. A pilgrimage many years in the making, the sacredness of what was created long lost however it was not lost on this lonely wayfarer.

So, getting back to the number system, I propose an order of 0,2,1 in order to try and represent and reflect the paradigm of non-dualism within a dualistic construct. 0 is the non-divisible void. Have you ever tried to divide by zero? You get an error and your computer code stops. The first step into duality involves the binary as represented by the number two. It’s what makes our universe perceptually come alive. Subject and object. Without two, our senses are useless, therefore 2 comes after 0. From the two comes the 1. Mom and Dad, the two, create one. In duality, one is also three - Mom, Dad, and me, and makes the many because to get one you need two. So, to recap, we could now number our construct thus:

0,2,1/3

One and three being essentially the same.

I write this blog post as a warning to stay away from plant medicines which many enforcers of culture will flat out call drugs. Psychedelic drugs are bad. They will destroy your mind. I am exhibit ‘A’. 

divine lineage

The divine feminine and masculine come together in the centre of the grand Mesa at the axis mundi here in the symbolic expressed by the lanzon from Chavín de Huantar.

Brought together are the left and right hand paths of the feminine and masculine along with the lower and upper worlds of these energies. All is absorbed back into the representative of the Chavín god. Everything is reconciled into the centre. It is also expressed as the serpent and the jaguar. The serpent as the feminine creates the form and the jaguar as the masculine is the life force that roams this form. They are the two eternal energies that make up the sum total of all. The multi-dimensional reflection of the non-differentiated form is from these two. You can’t see one without two and centring yourself allows you to see one, two, and the many. The many collapses into the one just as the two through sexual union becomes an expression of the one.

Standing with this knowledge at the Mesa will eventually lead to understanding. We are conditioned to believe chaos is bad and can be demonstrated in expressions of madness and unpredictability. I think that’s true. Psychologically, we relegate the feminine to chaos and the striving of the masculine energy to order and reason. The great intellect of Jordan Peterson even wrote a book on this paradigm called “12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos” and in turn riled up the feminist class amongst us. Well, he is a master of controversy and is in turn misunderstood as we looked towards our developed prejudices and fail to look into the heart of the matter. I also wondered what were his intentions in writing this book? Getting to know his persona through the internet, I certainly didn’t detect misogyny, instead a refreshing honesty.

Feminine energy is chaos. Masculine energy tends towards order. Just ask Apollo, the Greek god of light and reason. Within the sum of ourselves are the interplay of these two gendered energies, so it is not mutually exclusive to either sex of the species. Knowledge is a great tool but understanding is divine. Taking the sum total of all I know and feeding it into my central processor, the brain, allows me to synergize the whole set up. Late at night, I stand there in front of my Mesa performing ritualistic acts that allow me to re-centre myself. Sometimes the epiphanies come. Epiphanies are the computer spitting out the punch card with the results. I see the sum of all energy at the axis mundi and then scattered throughout my Mesa and refracted through the prism of my mind are expressions of this energy. The one and the many. It is indeed I who brings this Mesa to life! I take unity and objectify that energy thus creating the world. I use my masculine powers to separate and behold reality!

Now back to centre. This form in the centre is non-differentiated. Aha! That is chaos and I intuitively knew it to be so. The non-differentiated energy has no order and no separation. We assign that condition to being a bad thing but it is in fact the reflection of order. What is the correct state or reality of energy? Is it the feminine unity or masculine separation? Many esoteric and Eastern traditions will tell you that because we are the ones that objectify, it is actually the spiritual truth that we are all one. Is that the truth? Is it the truth because from our perspective of dominate masculine energy in the culture we erroneously think the opposite spiritual state is true? If you want to stop the world it is true. However, the interesting part of the equation is that we live in a verb. Consciousness and existence as we know it is a wave vibration. Existence is defined by motion, which creates the illusion of time and separation. So, stop the motion and we have the truth. If we stop the motion then we have nothing. Just potential, which is the other side of coming forth. Is that really true? Why do you think the static trumps motion and motion creates illusory outcomes? Why do you think feminine chaos contains more truth than masculine objectification? Is it unsettling to have your prejudices laid bare? Yes it is because my spurious foundations are revealed once again. My understanding lies on a foundation of shifting sands. What if you can’t have one without the other? The dependency of the two creates the whole. The truth is if you see the two energies not in a sexual union then you see multiplicity. If your universal view is a sexual metaphor then we are indeed all one. Maybe Einstein was on to something with the whole relativity claim? It makes claims of truth and fanciful chasing of said truth very funny, if not frustrating.

Looking back into history, we see many budding civilizations grappled with this origin question and the dominance of each energy pole. At first, it was the feminine asserting her power which allowed creation to flourish however we are now living in the order of the masculine. Looking into my crystal ball reveals the logical outcome is pathological order which becomes tyranny. The system then collapses. Gazing back into the past, in the Mesopotamian basin the triumph of the masculine energy was mythicized as Marduk defeating the water serpent Tiamat, who personified the feminine chaos. In order for civilization to take hold, she had to be defeated. In the opening chapter of Genesis in the Bible, we see hints of this very thing as Yahweh takes the chaos and adds some light into the mix in order to separate things. Here are the passages from the King James Version.

1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

In the beginning nothing was differentiated until the masculine energy came along and started dividing things up. The Old Testament is also a great primer on the actions of masculine energy not tempered by the presence of balancing feminine energy. Fire and brimstone indeed and Jewish mythicists got that one spot on! In Greek mythology, Apollo comes along and kills Python, the enemy dragoness. This act occurred at Delphi which was considered the centre of the world. With the triumph over the feminine serpent, the Greek god of reason enabled a new consciousness in humans that celebrated the rise of individual differences. Apollo was victorious however reason still called upon the oracle at Delphi in the form of the prophetess called the Pythia. She had the gift of vision - something the mind clouded by logic and reason had to discard in order to rule. In addition, in ancient Egypt we have the god Re and his association with the cycles of time created by the sun, continuing along daily in a sun boat that is forever threatened by the chaos serpent Apophis. This battle is enacted daily and motion is eternally perpetuated by victory over chaos with the help of the strong masculine energy personified in the god Set.

Back to my Mesa. Look at how I intuitively set it up, though I didn’t know what I was doing.

The axis mundi is in the centre and the table is full of differentiated expressions of this energetic centre. However, overlooking this whole construct is this image of a jaguar within the form created by a serpent. Somehow, I knew the archetypal two lay at the head of what just is and I left it in place to discover at a later date in my journey to nowhere. The two become one and the one becomes the many. This is the divine lineage from which we all come. 

within the one is found the two

The spiritual chorus preaches the one. Everything is derivative of the one and all of creation can be folded back into the one. To express this one, us humans have come up with a bunch of terms, including the polarizing concept of god which we in turn fetishize and transform into an object of worship and sometimes assign to an ideal that is used for human pursuits of power and monetary gain. The understanding of your place in all of this is your connection to all, in that not only are you a product of the universe but you are indeed the universe and from your perspective you are a point of that universal consciousness that is looking out upon itself. It is not only an empowering vision of creation but it also lowers anxiety about what happens to you when the body dies. If you like adventure then I wouldn’t worry about what happens next. You can go even further with this concept and discard the one. Grasping at the one is still objectifying and truthfully there are no objects. We delineate what just is, conjure duality, and selectively take subjective forms of energy and solidify them into objects.

Okay, I think the above is a pretty good explanation of what heady spiritual people preach, if I do say so myself. In our culture, science is king and therefore in modern spiritual pursuits we try and reconcile the two. Using core concepts of Eastern philosophy allows us to bridge the gap and transform the woo into nuanced metaphysical speculations that allow consensus and eschews wishful thinking. This is all well and good however I like to push the envelope past the chains of what others think. I want experience and subsequently I want to put the experience through my filter and come up with my own concepts.

I have walked the desert sands of Egypt and explored their pyramids and majestic temples. I’ve sweated in the jungles of the Amazon basin. I’ve climbed mountains in the Andes and visited valley temples. I’ve spent a night out in the arid and unforgiving wilderness of the American southwest. I’ve ingested multiple plants that have altered my consciousness enough that I know there are many dimensions to this magical mystery tour we call life. I’ve tried to figure it all out. I’ve tried to grasp this elusive enlightenment. I’ve wondered where do I get my certificate telling me I’ve made it?

I understand the philosophy and I feel the universal connection. It’s undeniable. My experiential journey suggests instead of the one, all truth lives at the door of two. We are a reductionist culture and because of this, one is the holy grail. For me, it’s two and everything is derivative of the two. I’m talking about the divine feminine and divine masculine and their coming together creates the one which then reflects back out as a multiple duality of many twos. Envision this construct that comes from the mind of a human, if you will. It is a centre-point that contains two polarities. As a flow chart, the two as the divine feminine and masculine come together into the one which brings you to the unified centre-point. From the centre-point flows out all of creation into multiple instances of this duality into creation. The two must become one before they become the many.

I see this in ancient Egypt as the great mother and her son, who is also the father; this peculiarity known as kamutef, the bull of his mother. In their literature and on temple walls, I see it also expressed in the concept of creation emanating from an androgyne source that contains the sacred two. In the Ennead of Heliopolis, of which this dual-sexed god Atum is at the head, it is said that the masculine light source Shu and the feminine water source Tefenet are always with and are Atum. The androgyne is the combination of the two and there is no getting around it. Even in the word hermaphrodite is presented in clear view the union of two great deities in the Greek wisdom god Hermes and Aphrodite, the goddess of love. These two go back into the hazy scrolls of history to the beginnings of Egyptian thought and the primordial beginnings of the Ogdoad at Hermopolis where the Egyptian counterparts of these two, Thoth and Hathor, stand at the head of all creation that comes forth from the primordial swamp of 8-town. The concept of union and attempts at artistic expression is depicted on temple walls such as this painted relief masterpiece inside the Khonsu Temple at Karnak temple.

The dual-sexed Kamutef

I see this concept in the sacred mesa of the Andes where the reconciliation of the two gendered polarities brings everything back together into the centre at the axis mundi. The great stone idol of the Chavin temple, the lanzon, brings together the feminine and masculine in this depiction of the sacred world centre.

Lanzon in the temple of the jaguar at Chavin

The temple grounds are made up of dualistic constructs such as the set of black and white limestone stairs leading to the temple as well as finding dualistic principles in the raised and lowered opposite hands of the idol in which the masculine points to the upper world and the feminine to the lower world. The temple grounds rest at the meeting point of the coastal and jungle civilizations in a valley where two great rivers merge into one. This reconciliation of all was called tinkuy. Achieved is balance and from this position the healing can be empowered and love for all can flow. In the jungle are the symbols of the feminine serpent and the masculine jaguar. There are exoteric and esoteric understandings of the two.

Those that live off the land and in primitive dwellings we culturally denigrate as simple. Simple people paradoxically have the most profound symbolism. The modern symbolism from our culture of excess is bereft of ideas and suffering from malnutrition. Hidden in the jungle is the most profound teaching accessed by the brave and the courageous. I’ve searched high and low but never have I come across such a direct communication of what it is all about. Obviously, the serpent is feminine and the jaguar is masculine and they are ubiquitous symbols of the jungle. It’s a pretty simple exoteric depiction of life, creation, destruction, and renewal.

There were big teachings this last time through Peru earlier this year in the jungle that carried on into the Andes mountains. It included the direct experiencing of and understanding of the life force common to all, that connects us all, that originates from a common feminine and masculine vibration symbolized as the serpent and the jaguar. The serpent creates the vibrational body that undulates from on to off and the jaguar traverses this path. The jaguar moves freely. As visualized and communicated by Hindu adepts of yesteryear, when you raise your consciousness and enlighten all the subtle body chakras, energetic touch points you break free of, you meet the jaguar who roams the chakras as an expression of the power of the kundalini serpent which in the pre-Columbian South American religious thought are the three shamanic worlds. And finally you become the jaguar.

Everything comes from this one vibration with vibrations within each vibration. It pulses from off to on. Creation is the pulse with two extreme states and everything in between. From a holistic point of view it is one vibration. Within the one is found the two. The one can’t be without the two. The two always have their opposite. Try it; try to cut off the bottom end of a piece of string. What do you end up with? For the feminine and masculine there is no one. There is always the pull to rejoin your opposite, like a magnetic pull that creates the constant oscillation that creates life. How’s that for the esoteric? I’m so humbled by this knowledge that gives me the power to transcend any thoughts of annihilation and head straight into the gale force of life, full of courage and resolve. As the hero, I set out to rescue the princess; my feminine polarity. They seek each other and afterwards separate once again to keep this all going. It’s universal and timeless.

It's as close to the truth as I can get. There is a serpent and a jaguar and that’s it. The serpent’s body represents the pulsing form while the jaguar is the energy rushing forth along this serpentine highway. It also dawned on me the ancient Egyptians had something close to this idea in their great mother goddess Hathor and her son Ihy. The serpent lady would give birth to the wild bull Ihy, who would also be described as the perfumed effluence coming forth from her body. The rattling of a sistrum, an energetic vibration, much like the shacapa of the shaman in the Amazon, brought forth the Goddess and the power scent she gave off is the naked child come forth in wild abandon.

The clever adept proclaims non-duality. It all just is. It’s true. Within all, the is-ness is consciousness and once the pond is disturbed, duality becomes king through objectification. Trying to define non-duality is trying to define a state of existence; like taking a snapshot in time. Whatever it is we are living in, one thing for sure is it is constantly on the move and in motion therefore beyond definition. From the perspective of the realization of the one, being at the centre, where you become the axis mundi you see it all splinter into shards of duality made up of the feminine and masculine polarities. When I stand at my mesa, I envision I am the lanzon, the centre, the chaupi. I am everything. I look to my left and I see the feminine. I look right and it’s the masculine. I see everything. Lower world, upper world, and then back to self. My mesa represents the self, my self, and the totality of everything that comes from me. It’s all me. I am non-dual and I see it all break down into duality. All aspects and qualities of existence, psychologically and biologically, contained within it all. Which is the correct perspective? Is it from the standpoint of non-duality or does it originate from duality? What are your prejudices?

I look up at the sky, see the clouds, and I am stunned by the vastness of it all. I come to the realization it is the image of mind I am looking at. This vastness is consciousness. I am privileged and privy to having the ability to image mind and see how creation is the representation of the twinning pattern of consciousness and energy, yin and yang, feminine and masculine, serpent and jaguar.

The game is fascinating and I have a fascination with the game. It’s like being at the beach and grasping a handful of hot, white sand. It just slips through your fingers.

being healthily crazy

When you reconcile all back to centre by taking the feminine and masculine, lower self, self, upper self, water, earth, air, and the four directions you reconstitute the axis mundi. It is what you began with and have always had. Ultimately, life is not a quest to discover or attain anything; the journey is a way for you to eventually remember who you once were and reconcile all back to centre. It’s the big game and it’s one hell of an adventure. When you play, awaken, and realize you are everything then you become the I am - the self. You realize there is nothing that is not you. Freedom and liberation in this finite lifetime. From this you can take the next step which is if you are everything then to call it a self is a misnomer. There is no self; it just is.

How about a mythological lesson or two? In classical texts, the terms nusa, nyssa, and nyssi refer to a mountain that is the support stand of heaven, which is the axis mundi. With this information, it's not hard to figure out the Greco-mythical figure of Dionysos is the embodiment of the axis mundi. The ‘dio' part of the name is the connection to divinity. Dionysos is the god of the reconciliation of all. This is the eternal flame, the zoë, and the Great Spirit. The history of Dionysos extends beyond Classical Greek civilization into the Mycenaean period where a reference to the name was discovered in Crete during the Bronze Age Minoan civilization. This is a civilization that extends back in time to 3000 BCE. Why do ancient civilizations has a preponderance of gods and goddesses? Were they superstitious and intellectually inferior, devoid of the reason and logic that our civilization idolizes? My guess is they were more in balance with the dualistic powers of serpent and jaguar that animates the spirit within, instead of valuing and exalting one over the other and consequently losing the knowledge of both. Looking back into history, the evidence reveals the evolution came gradually: goddess and god became just god and eventually that was done away with and replaced by the man. Heralding this event into our civilization was reported by Plutarch who wrote, "The great god Pan is dead!" The news of Pan’s death was announced from the skies to a sailor named Thamus. Paganism, as nature worship, was struck down. The nineteenth century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche exclaimed, “God is dead,” and then proceeded to write a book, ‘The Birth of Tragedy” in which he describes the Apollonian and the Dionysian divide within man and somehow he intellectually accomplishes the act of divorcing them from the gods he had buried. Welcome to man as the godman. Apollo gets top billing now as the bright light of reason and the epitome of man's destiny while the wild man is sent away. Nature remains under attack. Logic, reason, and science is now the god of our culture, personified by the intellect; the feminine chaos still exists in the waters of creation but is relegated to an afterthought. Artificial Intelligence and sentient robots of pure logic and reason will be the crowning achievement of history! Fuck feelings and love; what impediments! The Babylonian Marduk must take to the waters of chaos to kill Tiamat in order for civilization to progress. She has been wounded and relegated to the deep and here we are on the cusp of fulfilling that Mesopotamian myth. The ancient mind hadn’t devolved into this single-mindedness, thus they could sense all powers within the environment. It’s available to us if we can throw off the shackles of culture, get still, and feel.

The central idol of the Chavin culture of pre-Columbian South America, we now call the Lanzon, is also an axis mundi representing the reconciliation of all the forces of nature into one being.

The central idol in the temple of the Jaguar at Chavin

It is reversing the process of the power expanding outwards back into its source. It’s like picturing a point of consciousness that contains all and then seeing this potentiality projected out into the universe at large and subsequently finally realizing it is all you. You are seeing yourself at play. We have for the most part lost this meaning and to suggest it to most is to elicit the response of I don’t know what you are talking about, a dispassionate shrug, or a leave that up to the experts response.

When I drink Huachuma, I feel the coming of the god. It’s the idea of the complete self, once we shed the notion of the separate parts of yourself. I connect with all. I experience bringing it all back to centre, the axis mundi, and sit with the self and bask in the knowledge that it all starts with the great self and emanates all out from there. It’s a touchstone moment on the spiritual journey.

I’ve thought about physics and matter enough to realize that we are limited by our instruments and their ability to peer into subatomic particles. I believe that the further we are able to peer into the underpinnings of the all, the more it will just subdivide and confound us. I have embraced the idea that all is consciousness as in mental energy that vibrates and from these levels of vibration we get what we call rays and what we call matter. To use string theory as an analogy, where at its basic form there are an infinite number of strings which are vibrating and that’s what makes up the universe, well picture that but minus the strings. In other words, stringless theory.

The same goes for the self. It’s comforting to think we are an autonomous self and in a way we are, as long as we hold together the form however I have to believe at the root of all this is the same situation encountered in physics where eventually we will learn there is no self. We are just amalgamations of energy that have taken on a certain vibrational form and who knows how long that will last? Do we eventually disintegrate and return to the ocean of energy and continually transform into a new energetic being? Do you believe in magic?

Enjoy the ride. 

fairy tales and magic

After a couple weeks in the jungle it was time to head up into the heavens in the Andes mountains located in the vicinity of north central Peru.

I was eager to continue my lessons with Huachuma as I had fallen in love with the medicine and wasn’t ready to let go. It’s curious how everything works out. Parker is fond of saying that when you let go of old paradigms things start happening for you instead of to you and this is exhibit A. When I started thinking about making this trip to Peru after don Howard had passed away, I wanted to make a pilgrimage to Chavín de Huántar as he had talked so much about it and based his shamanic practice and lineage upon their culture. I mentioned it to Parker and asked if he had time to make the journey out with me to which he eagerly accepted and actually had a contact out that way that don Howard highly recommended. Well things got a rolling from there and before I knew it we had secured not only a seasoned guide but a shamanic practitioner of the highest order! We eventually made plans to spend eight days in the mountains with four more ceremonies of Huachuma at hallowed and sacred sites. In the run up to the trip a friend of Parker’s confirmed he would join us and then while at SpiritQuest we added one more traveller to make it a foursome. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of travelling companions and once again it all just came together in my favour; like it was happening for me. Such good fortune and it’s not lost on me how much of a blessing the whole experience is and the pull to give back to that bank of ayni is strong.

Day 16, Friday February 28th

Our group made it to the town of Chavín early in the morning after a twelve hour overnight bus ride from Lima.

I slept sporadically however the excitement and anticipation of a plant medicine ceremony on the grounds of the fabled Chavín de Huántar at the temple of the jaguar was enough of an adrenaline kick to get me through the day. We met up with the maestro don Martín at 9:30am and he took us to his wonderful store in town which was full of his hand carved stone replicas of Chavín treasures. Then we headed off to the archaeological site of Chavín de Huántar.

The shaman led us down to the river bank where he set up his Mesa amongst the roar of the Mosna river.

The maestro had an impeccable ceremony, punctuated by an offering of coca leaves to Pachamama and then burying the leaves into her womb in the earth. The four of us in the group plus don Martín took turns drinking the filled to the brim cup of Huachuma.

The maestro's preparation of the brew is less reduced and refined than what I was used to via SpiritQuest. It was bright green in colour, there were some chunks of cactus within the cup, and the consistency is more in line with the kind of pulpy and slimy nature of the cactus you would expect. The taste was rather indifferent and probably the easiest of any plant medicines I have drank, though the cup that was filled to the brim was daunting by just looking at the task ahead. After drinking, we separated and went off to a spot along the roaring river.

I dipped my toes into the river, which was very cold, and then admired the scenery while contemplating the ancient connections to a great civilization and the sacredness that this place exuded. Huachumita came on gradually over the next hour and then I felt everything get very relaxed and dreamy while the sounds of nature became clearer. My ask for this round of medicine work was three fold: first I wanted to continue to explore the dream world and the nature of energy that powers creation. Second of all I wanted to continue the Huachuma teachings of heaven and hell as a continual reminder to stay in the heart space. Plus I wanted to continue to explore my passions and desires that seem to rise up whenever I explore my inner true self or ignore my dark side. The effects came on stronger when I closed my eyes so I went with that modality and entered into a dreamlike malaise. Huachumita started teaching me about the carnival and how our energy consciousness enters into lower forms of energy, such as the meat body, and we experience creation as such. We subconsciously glorify these concepts with our language such as the word carné in Spanish for meat and world cultural celebrations of Carnival such as in the Caribbean and Mardi Gras in New Orleans where unabashed hedonism and revelry are the order of the day. We as energetic beings enter into the created world and are in theory free to make of this opportunity what we will. I then explored the ability I have to take something I think about in this dreamlike state and then let the visionary take hold and expand upon this energy my consciousness has brought forth. It re-emphasized the idea we create our own reality both through how we choose to view our predicament and then by also enabling thoughts and events we wish to manifest. This also was in alignment to the teachings of heaven and hell where if I engage the mind and think negative thoughts, the medicine will take these mind creations and play them out to the extreme. The lesson is to be careful of what you do cultivate within the mind if you must be in that space. I then got up and walked around and felt a calming peacefulness within before we re-gathered around don Martín’s portable Mesa about two hours after we first drank. We were all offered more and all downed a second cup. This time the intensity hit quicker and amped everything up another notch. I walked around in the grass while the hot sun beat down upon my exposed skin as the familiar energy started quickly pulsing through me, signalling the approach of the god. The energy was very serpentine and I swayed to its rhythms that were enveloping me. I took notice of the agave plant and went over to feel the serrated edges of its leaves while admiring its unique appearance. It dawned on me that the serpentine nature of its leaves is related to the image I see when I feel the passion and lust of the medicine coursing through me. In the Amazon it always appeared both reptilian as well as plant like and I realized the agave plant here in the Andes mountains I had been foreshadowing. I then started seeing this plant everywhere as once again I explored the rising desires that are sexual in nature and are part of my true nature. This part of the medicine stayed with me the rest of the day and came on in intense waves of lustful energy. I started to fully realize the reason behind why this energy would sometimes amp up. It goes back to an exploration of divine feminine and masculine energy back in late 2017 and how the coming together of the two gives rise to the sum in the form of the coming forth of the god. This energy was the culmination of everything I’d learned and the magic was real. I sat with this for a while while also realizing the strength of the sun at this high altitude was both energizing me as well as cooking my skin during this day full of the sun’s loving rays. Don Martín then took us on a walk through the temple grounds where he had privileged access to all the spots normally unavailable to tourists. He guided us to special energy centres within the space while I continued to work with my pulsing energy.

Eventually the lesson of heaven and hell became present once again and I started wondering about human sacrifice at Chavín and I concocted a far fetched story in my mind putting myself in the role of a modern day sacrifice. I eventually moved past this mental hell but it was a good reminder to keep a leash on the wanderings of the mind. We visited the underground crypts and labyrinth where the stone idol called the Lanzon is situated.

The idea of this god is it depicts our divine nature in that the figure is an anthropomorphic amalgamation of the three shamanic worlds of lower, middle, and upper worlds represented by the serpent, jaguar, and eagle. Within the temple the god’s height encompasses over 16 feet and touches the subterranean, the earth, and protrudes out from the temple in order to touch the sky and reveal its function as an axis mundi. The left hand is lowered with the back of the hand visible while the right arm is raised and open palm is visible; all this representing a coming together and mediation of opposing forces. When you alter your consciousness and the god comes to you, then is seen these truths and the knowledge and identity of the central idol of Chavín is revealed. The uninitiated and casual observer is left perplexed at this strange figure. It is always interesting to acknowledge the deep psychological knowledge of ancient civilizations that we tend to dismiss as primitive when in fact they were representing our lower self, self, and higher self within the temple grounds and idol here at Chavín. Not only that but they combined it with the need to reconcile the feminine and masculine energies and all this they represented in the Andean cross called the chakana. I wonder why our intellectual disciplines of anthropology, archaeology, psychology, and comparative religion don’t synergize towards a greater understanding of the human condition but instead remain separate disciplines disconnected from these truths? The layout of the temple is practically screaming out these answers but instead it's treated as a curiosity of long ago while now hosting groups of ignorant selfie-stick tourists. You could feel the deep reverence don Martín has for the place and also within his soul you can see the sadness over what this place has become. We will never reclaim what was lost here. It will take a catastrophic event that would send our civilization back to the Stone Age where we start over. Access to the Lanzon was blocked by a glass door which in my reverence I banged into, not realizing it was there. I felt the power of the central idol and felt its snarling presence. As I stood there mesmerized I remembered to enter into the heart space and the snarl turned into a smile. Later don Martín got us full access and we all gathered around the Lanzon and felt its healing power envelop us, much like the Mesa at SpiritQuest. Don Martín managed to get us into other privileged places such as a crypt that was about four storeys underground where I experienced the deepest and quietest meditation of my life.

The intense energy continued to fluctuate through my body in waves and I gave up on having anymore thoughts and just examined the impact on my body. We went for dinner and feasted on seafood before calling it a night. Another lifetime in a day.

Day 18, Sunday March 1st

We drove almost two hours up into the mountains to Huascarán National Park and made our way to Laguna de Purhuay at an elevation of about 12,000 feet.

Our shaman knew the area like the back of his hand and led us on a path that culminated in entering through three small passageways into a circular enclosure that housed a pit filled with rocks.

The three circular enclosures represented the upper, middle, and lower worlds. The pit at one time was filled with water and the ceremony was to represent water, the Yacumama mesada. He set up his portable Mesa and then we splashed perfume upon ourselves before making an offering to Pachamama with coca leaves which we then buried under the rocks in the pit. We took turns drinking a full cup of Huachuma and I was the last to drink. The maestro immediately offered us more and he gave me three quarters of a cup as the second person to drink this time. I drank it all down but then came pretty close to vomiting it back up. I miraculously held it back and then just sat there trying to regain my composure. We were then sent off to explore for the next four and a half hours. I climbed up an incline on the path and sat down on a rock however soon afterwards I started to feel sick so I got up and paced around until eventually I puked up the whole brew. Though my stomach felt much better I was disappointed I’d be pretty much out of the medicine all day. I lay down on the rocks and had a pleasant time with my eyes closed just taking in the sounds. With my eyes open I could see the energy around me but that was as far as I got with the effects of the medicine. I got up and went for a long hike on the different paths which reminded me of going on hikes with my dog in the woods where I bring my Mapacho and make a connection with my higher self.

It’s almost like that was the lesson in that I knew from the last ceremony that I didn’t need to be in the medicine anymore to have teachings because if I go to a quiet place or do walking meditation I make the connection and do have profound revelations and insights. I have known this for a while and so the day was another way to practice this while I was away from the direct effects of the medicine. I was trailed on the hike by a pack of dogs that were loud so I still had my usual canine companions following me. 

I started going through my dark side traits and since I had reconciled with them in the final Ayahuasca ceremony, I was just once again going through them and bringing them into the light as it is a good exercise to not bury them any longer. I sat down under a shelter when it started to pour and just started laughing at myself again. It had taken me 52 years to finally reconcile with who I am and just accept it. I thought of a deck of cards and how there are 52 cards in the pack and felt this had a connection to where I am in my life and how I can spend the rest of my lifetime as a wild card just like the joker. I then thought of the comedian Bill Hicks and this disturbing routine he would do where he would become the lustful ‘goat boy.’ He had clearly reconciled with his dark side and wasn’t afraid to bring it out into the open in a comedic and baring his inner most thoughts kind of way. I felt respect and gratitude for him just because he said fuck it, this is who I am. This was all I needed from the day to feel content in this gorgeous location. We ate fruit and smoked Mapacho before heading back, stopping along the way for some trout soup.

Once again a talk with Parker helped me clarify what I have learned on this latest probing of my consciousness. I was telling him of my dark side and my discoveries of it being my true self while he reminded me that my higher self, my light side I bring out into the world, is just as big a part of me as my dark side. It allowed me to clearly see the harmony of self and how unique we are to embody these two halves that combine to make the self. I thought about the flimsiness of the character we play as ego and how that can be shattered in a blink of an eye, especially if the dark side leads us down a path of recklessness that becomes an albatross to maintaining a respectable identity. Funny thing this life is, where we need to put the brakes sometimes on our passions and desires. I thought of my first Ayahuasca ceremony this trip where I was racing past police cars, yellow lights, and then red lights in a seemingly out of control manner. It all started to make a great deal of sense.

Day 19, Monday March 2nd

Butterfly Lessons

Ever since discovering my hidden feminine half I've had a special affinity with the butterfly. The first time I remember it as an omen was my initial trip to SpiritQuest where after a difficult ceremony a butterfly appeared and then the following ceremony was an appearance of the Goddess in her tower which was a ceremony for the ages. When I went to SpiritQuest in March of 2019 the symbolism and appearance of the butterfly was off the charts representing the female sex organs. Once again during this round of my most recent Ayahuasca ceremonies, the butterfly appeared as I chased after the Goddess. During the second Huachuma mesada ceremony at SpiritQuest this year a flock of butterflies appeared as I found the key to heaven. Finally revealed at Chavín I got the lesson of proximity of energetic fields through the synchronization of two butterflies in flight.

There is a connection of the butterfly to the intense sexual energy I perceive with Huachuma. I have drank Huachuma enough now to be able to sit with this energy and figure out what potentiates it. For sure when you drink Huachuma you feel this energy but for me on some of my journeys this energy becomes next level and so intense. I have labelled it serpent power and the kundalini rising up within. Lately it has been taking over my body with this intense fluttering as well as when I close my eyes this intense sexual passion and energy appears as these hot and smouldering colours. Words don’t do this justice.

During the Huachuma ceremony at Chavín I was feeling this energy when I spotted two yellow butterflies flying around coming closer to each other and almost touching and then flying off. They would continually repeat this behaviour in my presence. It started to dawn on me that their proximity to one another was in essence a union of the two, a harmonic convergence, forming a connection that was probably similar to the feelings I get with plant medicines. I remembered my studies of ancient Egypt where the male gods depicted as frogs in the Ogdoad all needed the power of the Goddess as the serpent to be effective. It points to a metaphor of the polarity of a battery and the two poles of feminine and masculine to release the charge. Each power on its own is dormant until they come together.

So I had my answer and looked back on my Huachuma ceremonies where I have felt this power. In all these ceremonies is the setting and presence of strong feminine energy. The proximity of the goddess energy, like the example of the butterflies, is what charges the energy within me and sends me to the heights of energetic bliss.

Day 20, Tuesday March 3rd

We left Chavín early at 6am and made our way towards Huaraz, stopping after a three hour ride at a spot in the Cordillera Negra mountain range called Hatun Mache which is a Bosque de Rochas that translates as forest of rocks.

We were led to a natural cave by don Martín where he set up his Mesa and then blew into his conch shell which echoed off the natural amphitheater into the breathtaking views of the mountains.

I told the maestro I only wanted to drink one cup and then wait for a bit before drinking a second cup in order to limit the chances of vomiting it back up again. The shaman’s brew doesn’t taste awful, it is a little bit mucous like, and with an empty stomach the first cup set pretty well. I went for a walk and explored the rock forest before finding a place to settle. The scenery of the forest was fantastic and I lamented the fact I left my camera back at the cave. The first hour and a half with the medicine was peaceful and dreamy though I wasn’t feeling energetic. I returned to don Martín’s Mesa, drank another cup, and then grabbed my camera to photograph the rocks as we were given twenty minutes before we would move on. Little did I know don Martín was going to lead us on an epic adventure through the rock forest. The rocks were beyond belief and their grandeur was heightened by the effects of Huachumita taking hold.

We hiked quite a distance through this strange and magical place that was seemingly endless. We were so high up, close to 14,000 feet, that we could see the clouds roll in around us.

The maestro had us stop at this surreal place with towering cliffs and menacing rocks for two hours as the medicine’s effects ratcheted up.

I laid down on the rocks and just witnessed the energy grow with intensity until I started to hear a choir singing in the heavens around us and then a clap of thunder interrupted the performance. I thought of angels and dragons as the clouds finished rolling in which completely encased us in a fog. It was like a scene in some kind of enchanted fairy tale and I became the hero of the story, full of courage, who ventures into the heavens to find and slay the dragon. The dragon is full of pride and wants to be known as the strongest and smartest of all. I knew I could never defeat him by challenging him to a fight but I knew I could outsmart him which really pisses him off. He could take me out with one blast of his breath but he has honour and will engage in this battle of wits. I have known since I started drinking plant medicines that the quest I am on would come down to this: I’d seek out the dragon and then take him down. Here I was in the heavens realizing this was all really true. I couldn’t believe it because it is the stuff of fantasy even though my plant medicine journeys would continually reveal this quest to me. So here I was in the heart space and now fully believing in this fairy tale and it was happening, basically the culmination of this seven year journey. In an interesting and unexpected twist, Huachumita took metaphor and presented it as reality. The next ceremony at Heaven's Gate has become very intriguing to say the least. I sat on a rock, full of courage, and contemplated the completion of my hero’s journey as it was all coming together at this very moment. I felt the magic in the world and smiled at this dreamworld we live in. This all coincides with this book I have been researching and writing for the last several years which is reaching its conclusion as well and it is all about defeating the dragon. This life has become reality shrouded in fantasy.

The clouds had completely enveloped us by this time as we began the trek back to the entrance.

Without don Martín’s guidance I would have been lost forever in Medusa’s stone forest. In fact I’m not sure this place exists. I think it re-appears every morning at daybreak before disappearing once again in late afternoon. The drive back to Huaraz was full of the energy ebbing and flowing. My music was heavenly and seemed to be playing at a slower speed. The four of us went for dinner, we were all still so high and feeling the love, while the medicine stayed strong. We talked until 11pm and then feeling a reprieve in the energy, settled in for a good night’s sleep as the last page in the fairy tale turned over.

This was undoubtably the most strange and incredible journey I have had with Huachuma. The sum of my medicine journeys have prepared me well to face any adversity with an open heart and courage and to stay clear of engaging the mind. Just let it flow. I learned the lessons well and was the ultimate hero today in facing something so much more powerful than me and chiding the dragon by telling him I will outsmart him in the end. During past journeys with Huachuma I would have been reduced to a heightened sense of fear at what was all transpiring before me; now I know enough to stay in the heart centre and face whatever comes at me. The battle is won with courage and it is something don Howard would reference when he’d ask “Where do you think courage comes from?"

You can’t make this stuff up.

Day 22, Thursday March 5th

I have completed sixteen Huachuma ceremonies over the course of the last five years with the final one of this latest round of work a bit later this morning. I think I can speak with some sort of clarity on the effects of the medicine.

Number one is that it is not a hallucinogen. Visions are sporadic if you get them at all. Instead Huachuma is a clarigen that amplifies everything, whether that is realizing the beauty of nature, feelings, your open heart, your distrusting mind, sounds, and energy. The connection and harmonization between two energy polarities such as feminine and masculine is also laid bare if you take notice.

Along the same line, Huachuma is a potentiator of the energy in your body. Everything becomes more focused and clear and as you start to work with the medicine you pick up on this and discover what is happening in a way that makes it undeniable. Your consciousness is elevated to the point where you are seeing and feeling a different perspective of what you have always been perceiving and this allows you to see things in a new light.

If I am around something such as the beauty in nature or someone I am attracted to then the pull of the energy is undeniable. I have witnessed this enough to see that just being in the setting of and the energy being expressed leads to a harmonization of the two energy fields and this joining leads to an incredible feeling of pleasure throughout the body that could be thought of as a full body orgasm. It can come on as rising energy that makes you flutter and at first experience you can be taken aback by it however when it continually happens you take notice of why it is happening and then you can relax and enjoy its power.

Today marked the last ceremony of this epic trip and my proverbial cup is full. I had no asks for this ceremony and just wanted to be a conduit for the energy that flows through me, always amplified by the Huachuma medicine. We drove about three hours from Huaraz to Laguna de Llanganuco, otherwise known as Heaven’s Gate which is part of the Huascarán National Park located in the Cordillera Blanca mountain range. About half the drive was up the mountain on a bumpy dirt road that felt like a rickety wooden rollercoaster. The drive was more than worth it as we reached an elevation of 13,000 feet and were greeted by a crystal clear turquoise lagoon and soaring mountain tops.

We hiked along the water’s edge, past the tourist trails, and into a secluded area that was hidden by some brush that the shaman told us was don Howard’s favourite spot.

The maestro conducted another breathtaking and flawless ceremony and I downed a cup of the medicine with ease on my empty and fasting stomach.

The others in the group downed two cups but I didn’t want to take a chance of purging so don Martín gave me an hour before I would drink a second cup. During the first hour once again the senses became alert and sharpened. I surveyed the beautiful scenery and noticed clouds covering the snow capped Huascarán mountain peak.

I wondered if the dragon was veiled by the clouds and if I would see him when the clouds lifted? I spent some time taking pictures of my fellow travellers as the medicine gave me a peaceful and calm feeling. The hour passed by relatively quickly and I drank another full cup with relative ease. Within five minutes I was feeling the intense energy and coming of the god that envelops me while we all went our separate ways. At this point in our multi-ceremony journeys we all pretty much practice the STFU method and so for the next two hours we just all sat or stood alone with the medicine.

The energy load was strong and I felt like a conduit for all the energy in our world. Through belief and desire I realize I shaped my world through the choices made as the energy is then directed into whatever is chosen. I was reminded of my light and dark sides and how the energy vacillates between the two extremes, creating the self at the midway point of the crest and trough of the energetic wave. All is vibration, as the Goddess explained to me the first time I ever drank Ayahuasca. The knowledge download of the light and dark sides of me being a wave pattern was such a great revelation and should allow me to just reconcile with myself and live a more accepting and peaceful life, not wanting to bury parts of me I shun anymore because of culture and expectations. Without both polarities there is no life; instead everything would come to a standstill and without motion there is no life. To live a pure and holy life is to cease to manifest.

I also pondered those who chase an adrenaline rush where the energy we carry around is amplified by putting oneself in a situation where the adrenaline increases the energy load within. Huachuma for me is doing this and also transforming the energy into the power that is behind all of life that consists of the all encompassing love of the feminine source and the consciousness of the masculine source.

The intensity of the medicine increased and the next wave hit as a blast of sexual energy. I became quite fidgety and paced around as it kept growing stronger. I wondered how much of this my body could handle? Parker lent me his sunglasses so I could look directly at the sun which was so high and radiant in the sky and shining with a glorious intensity. By just staring at the sun the energy subsided and I felt a peaceful calm wash over me. I had laid down to stare at the sun as up to this point in today’s journey I had remained upright because the Huachuma settles better in my stomach while upright. Now it felt way more enjoyable to remain lying down even after I gave Parker his sunglasses back. The waves of intense energy returned as I rolled away from direct contact with the sun. At this point Kylie walked past me and grabbed my outstretched hand. The act of holding her hand allowed my energy to transfer to her and I felt a reprieve. It was a double edged sword though as the more I felt her touch the waves of energy intensified and this went on for a while.

The maestro had prepared another ceremony, this time with Pachamama, the great spirit of Mother Earth. He dug a hole in the ground and made offerings of coca followed by corn mixed with grains. We all had a turn to make an offering and I thanked the great Mother for all she had done for me, for this magical day I was currently in love with, and how she created this playground for her children, who are the manifestations of the feminine and masculine energies that pervade all of creation. She created the world in order that we may experience life in a conscious body and play games such as the one I am playing where I will slay the dragon while seeking to free my other half in some extended chase and teasing foreplay divine scenario. I had no more to ask of her as she has done so much for me and I affirmed I’d forever be in her service and need to step up my game in regards to calling out the destruction of this amazing planet we all share. We all took turns with our offerings and then we took the dirt in our hands and covered the offerings while giving thanks. It was one of the most beautiful ceremonies I’d ever had the privilege to be a part of.

After a fruit explosion in our mouths, we cuddled up against the cliff of the mountain and don Martín told us the story of the two great mountains of the lagoon as star-crossed lovers who express their eternal love as the two mountains who in their grandeur face each other for eternity.

We started the hike back to the passenger van with Kylie, Cain, and myself taking our sweet time keeping up with the rest of the group as we drank in as much of the experience as possible. Feeling elated, we kept stopping for pictures. Eventually we caught up to the group at a prime spot for taking pictures against the backdrop of the lagoon and Heaven’s Gate, so-called that because there was no way to determine when the earth merged into heaven. The reminder of don Howard became clear when he said, “you don’t find heaven, you realize it.” A big assist goes out to Huachumita for giving me the key to heaven. As the moon made an appearance the backdrop became all the more surreal.

We became local celebrities as some of the Peruvian tourists wanted to take their picture with us gringos dressed in ponchos. It was quite hilarious.

The bus ride back to Huaraz was so memorable while our hearts were wide open. It rekindled in me what it was like to make connections with people and share a moment of really enjoying their presence. I had long forgotten these feelings and to experience all this once again was a gift beyond measure and I’m so grateful for the opportunity. It was ultimately a lesson in learning that love comes not from an external source but has been in your heart all along. Instead of looking for it, express it. I was energetically wide open with gratitude for my heart, Pachamama, Huachumita, the shaman, and my hermanos and hermana. It was another gift from another lifetime in a day that just keeps on giving.

We went for dinner with the maestro on this last night with him with the energy still present and returning in waves. I eagerly ate my first meal of the day and we ended staying up talking and laughing until 1:30am before calling it a night.

This whole three week adventure has been a gift beyond any conceivable expectation and has allowed me to just accept myself for who I am and learn to stay high and in bliss is the path of the heart while realizing that to engage the mind more than necessary will lead to a hellish existence.

Day 24, Saturday March 7

We are back in Lima and being in a big and bustling city has brought me back to reality. I've had some pangs of home sickness throughout these three weeks I have been away but now it is full on and the prospect of being in Lima any longer than I need to seems to be unwelcome. I’m scheduled to leave early Monday morning but I think I will try to change it to early Sunday morning. It will be good to get back Sunday as it is my dog Luna’s birthday. She probably thinks I’m dead.

I have a lot to unpack mentally from this trip and integrate. Every thing I asked for I believe I have received an answer and now I just have to connect all the information and synthesize all I have learned. One big take away is to stop pretending or striving to be someone you are not. I was shown I have a dark and light side and that is what energizes and enlivens my self. To deny one is to affect and nullify the other. Also I was shown that in order to stay high and in a state of bliss then you need to live in the heart and limit engagement of the mind. I asked for this lesson repeatedly from Huachuma and I was given it which allowed me to fully understand it. I went from experiencing the constant cycling between a state of being in heaven to a trip to hell enough times to really grasp that it is all about choice and how you wish to live and perceive your surroundings. It was a lesson that had to be experienced over and over throughout many years and ceremonies in order to finally get it to sink in which it did fully and completely after don Martín’s mesada at Chavín. I knew after that one I didn’t have to play that game anymore. One constant for me concerning plant medicines is how they amplify everything and that’s how you learn from them. Huachuma’s potentiation of energy just takes every feeling and super-charges them so you can extrapolate their subtle effects you don’t normally realize and see how they actually do affect you and those around you on a grand scale. My energetic aura must shine on a subtle scale that when I drink Huachuma just elevates it into an energetic tour de force. It is really quite incredible to experience how intense the energy is within, how it emanates, and how I can share it with others. When I find another being I can then harmonize my energy with then the connection is magical and a power radiates from that connection that puts you in a state of such sharing and pleasure it is heavenly. I need to ponder if that is what life is all about on all levels? Is it finding a connection with another energy form that electrifies and lights you up? Now that I have found it and experienced it enough I wonder if the energy fields I resonate with are limited or if there are plenty of fields out there you can share the experience with? There’s always more so the journey is far from over and there’s is more to explore. From a personal standpoint I wish to go way deeper into Huachuma. I can’t honestly say I want to continue with Ayahuasca at this point but I do realize there is a synergy with Huachuma when done first to heal and purify so I will respect that modality and synergy between the two plant medicines.

There are also a couple take aways from working with the medicines this time around. One is to be not only a shining example of their ability to transform you into a fully integrated human being but also to be a grounded ambassador to the plants and be more vocal about the benefits and profound discoveries that are available and can be gleaned from working with them. In addition I made a promise to Pachamama to be a champion in terms of environmental concerns. The earth is our home, our sustenance, and our playground which allows her children, the divine female and masculine, that have come forth to experience her bounty in a physical form. We are ignorant and dismissive of her unconditional love and destroying her gift. We as a species are cognizant of this but we need to sense the urgency and enact change. This can be accomplished through awareness and ceremony along with the teachings of plant medicines.

I used to conclude my plant medicine journey recaps with some kind of declaration that I will probably be moving on from that modality of exploring my consciousness. I have stopped doing that as first of all if hasn’t been the case but also because I’d be foolish to stop. I’ve come this far and feel currently that the working relationship I have with them is next level and that is the exciting part I wish to keep exploring. In terms of Huachuma this trip the gate was wide open, I went in and found not only answers I was seeking but the magic available when we break out of mundane consciousness and raise our vibration. I’m ready to go headlong into this exploration.