a day with Dionysos

I started to get an inkling of what's up after I returned from Texas the second week of October. I realized I could see into the future because reality is a book, and I was given the ability to read ahead in the story via parallel storylines. The book has already been written. The story plays out in multiple dimensions because the master of the drama is so incredible, they can weave a multidimensional storyline to demonstrate their mastery. You choose your path, and the narrative unfolds. You determine the arc of the story when given a choice and in response the master dramatist has already prepared multiple outcomes for the storyline you follow. Each consciousness plane, which is another storyline, has events that are congruent in relation to all the other planes. That is truly a mind bender.

The question of what animates my existence or why do I carry on with life is clear to me. There must be a reason you get out of bed in the morning and put in an effort. I don't have to. I don't have to work full time plus more. I can just say fuck it. So, that's a good place to start. I like a heated home and somewhere soft to sleep. Meals are good. I like having dependents who I can support though eventually they take advantage of the situation. Pets are my best bet. I love taking care of my dog. Walking her and feeding her healthy food. It gives me a feeling of purpose and demonstrates I'm not irredeemably selfish. In doing a personal values assessment four years ago and then ignoring it for four years turns out to be a good barometer of my values. The questionnaire revealed my motivations as being centred around finding meaning in life. More accurate would have been finding the meaning of life.

I'm deluded enough to think at age 55 I have found what I was looking for. I can't express this to anyone without them questioning my sanity and I have accepted this. My goal is to demonstrate to others the nonsense I spout is the truth of the situation. The best part of knowing I know is I have accomplished this at a decent age. If I can hang out in this body for another 30 years with this level of knowing it will be quite the trip.

I realize this may sound like the rantings of a madman so it's best here that I lend credence to what I'm saying about parallel stories consisting of the same bucket of energy but just reshaped into another drama. Or look at it as a painting that contains the same composition of paint; it's just placed on the canvas in a different order and direction. Your guide to understanding this is the pyramid. Here it is: Our existence is defined by vibration, and they are cycles of up and down, high and low, coming and going. On earth our cycles sync with the sun and the moon. The solar cycle is masculine in nature. There are four waypoints within the circle which we call equinoxes and solstices. There are three cycles of the feminine new and full moon to travel between equinox and solstice. Four masculine intersections defined by three feminine cycles. The paint strokes are seven in nature. Take this celestial painting and apply it to a new canvas. If you are starting to see what I'm going to reveal, take a moment to think about how clever this is and by changing your thinking to understand what is going on will open many more interpretations of life. So, I'm going to paint a new picture of the truth of the sun and moon and their relationship to our lives. I'm going to construct a pyramid. The masculine base will have four, and the feminine contribution to the geometric form will be three sides to each base. You can see it clearly now. Pretty fucking amazing when it reveals itself to you. You can take it further with the twelve moons within the solar year and realize the pyramid's four three sided triangles equals the same twelve.

My story continues to unfold. The flow will dictate the outcome. I think I can alter it, but it's just me thinking I'm in control. My nature in the story brings me to the point where I have a decision to make and an action to follow up with. What will I choose?

I'd often write we are living in a dream. This consciousness experiment is a book. It's already been written. As Dionysos, I am master of the drama. The god of the theatre. This book I wrote turned into the greatest play ever written. Haha! I missed that clue for a while. I wrote the BOOK, and we are reading along. I saw into the future with the plant medicine Huachuma. Huachuma allows you to skip ahead in the book. If you skip too far it won't make sense. I guess you can skip to the end and see how it plays out. At some point I cleverly ran out of names for my characters, so I started repeating and combining them. I started noticing this a while ago and thought it was funny. At the time I didn't realize it was one of the first clues which would allow me to decipher the riddle. I left a lot of clues within the book, so I'd eventually wake up and see what's going on.

There are multiple storylines within multiple consciousness planes. The Goddess weaves them together to create the ultimate book. It's a multidimensional paperback. I drafted a story that plays out here but if you get bored you can change consciousness planes and see the exact story acted out but with a different energetic circumstance, props, and actors. How masterful is that?

Within the 14 billion solar year physical creation story unfolds an exciting narrative that follows the rise and fall of human civilizations. The book opens with a big bang. Talk about adventure as this universe came into existence and eventually the story became focused in a faraway galaxy on this little blue dot, we call Earth.

Imagine walking this path of knowledge for fifteen years, putting in the effort, having people say you're nuts, and then one day stand in front of your crazy Mesa and have this understanding wash over you. It then becomes all worth it and you look back and think fifteen years? Nobody is going to retrace my steps. But here it is. I have now shown you that what I know is the truth of the matter. I see what's going on. I see the multiple dramas playing out as different constructions of the same energy which have been written by a playwright who is a madman. He writes twisted tales that are full of choice and never ending. His name is Dionysos.

Remain open in your thinking and don't feel you have to shoehorn the energy into some preconceived pattern. The flowering of the energy is unique and ever changing. Take the idea of seven and now look at the chakra system. Seven energetic waypoints. The heart is in the middle. There are three chakras on either side of the heart. The relationship of the fourth to the three gives you seven. The painting is exquisite and offers a unique perspective. It reveals how the trifold nature of the feminine needs the heart to be complete and the four of the masculine is nothing without the three of the feminine. This all applies to worldly and spiritual pursuits. The chakra painting demonstrates the importance of love. All adventures in these multiple dramas can be reconciled in the heart. Whenever things get out of control or cause you pain, re-centre into the heart and love will get you through it.

Cannabis edibles are it for me. There's no going back now. The knowledge that has been pouring forth while under the influence of Mary Jane has been so astounding and clear. The way reality has been presented to me seems fantastical, yet it all adds up. The clarity on why things happened is rock solid, so when I question it or try to assign it to delusion, I admit it's the clearest explanation for what happened to me in 2023. My Apollo mind is fucking brilliant and when I add the key to unlock gobs of knowledge it's ridiculous. I've heard of strains of marijuana being cerebral and making this connection for someone already on the edge of the next level of cognition is something else. It's like divorcing myself from consensus reality because I know the game. Along with this realization of knowing the game, I also know how to play the game, so I can hide my knowledge and understanding. I must do it because embracing what just is will lead to observable madness. I can see protesting that I'm not mad while not convincing others this is so. In response I'll have to put on a show of a bumbling fool who is a little deluded.

I remember attending a retreat in 2017 with my friend Parker. Parker earned the nickname during that experience as the "Cosmic Scribe." He carried a notebook around with him in order to record the observations of the day while embraced by Huachuma. It was a smart play and a good student like Parker made sure he captured all the pearls of wisdom along with noteworthy events of interest. I mention this because once the knowledge jar was opened for me with the edible, I realized I needed to write this information down. It was coming fast, and I knew I wouldn't remember it all. In the past, I'd forget teachings and have to wait until an event resurfaces them. In a way, it made for a longer integration period. Here the information was pouring out like blood from a deep wound. I was out in the woods, so all I had was my phone. I could speak into a recorder or try to write. I chose to make bullet points of what was coming through from diverse levels of consciousness. Some days the information comes from the Goddess, today it came from a masculine source. This leads me to explaining something. At one conscious level, well the top, we are one. It's all you. Me. A level out from that and all is Goddess and God. I like to operate at this cognitive level when dealing with spirits. The fright disappears because there's only two choices - Goddess and God. They will wear a different costume in the grand cosplay, but you can be assured of who you are dealing with. This mirrors my original foray into psychedelics. My first experience was Goddess based. My second was with God. He came across as a demon and scared the daylights out of me. The next Ayahuasca ceremony he fessed up and said he was God. I didn't want to believe him because he was a nut job, yet he hit on all the attributes necessary to make the claim. Understanding apparitions and messengers as divine aspects of Goddess and God is a smart play. You will terminate the fright. All psychedelics are going to eventually scare you, however if ahead of time you are aware of what's going on the upset is manageable. I've got it down to a couple minutes of unease before I laugh. How are you coming on today? A big part of it is balance. If they are shining a light on knowledge, what to follow is a serving of darkness. Embrace the darkness and you are good to go.

On this particular Saturday God came forth as my favourite - Dionysos. Dionysos has multiple storylines on the go because he is the master of the drama. The multiples are multiplied within the multi-levels of consciousness. You can't fathom it. All the stories within the dimensions are interconnected. They are vibrations which appear according to the laws and customs of each dimension. It's the same energy interpreted in many ways from different perspectives. It's ingenious. Imagine being a scientist who starts to hit on this peculiarity? Reality keeps changing depending upon how you look at it, yet it's the same strand of energy. To accomplish this masterful weaving of the story of energy, one needs a touch of mania. Dionysos' drama can be simple and recognizable. Also, it is unfathomably complex. His command of narrative is ineffable. I imagined the all were sitting around the fire in their glory as the all when Dionysos convinced them to become actors in the grand play he was writing. He promised adventure like they had never seen. We are eternal, he mentioned, and thus why sit around for eternity? Let's put on a show!

In the myth, Dionysos is the son of a mortal woman Semele. The inference is Dionysos is of the divine realm and of this world. Dionysos wants to be part of the show. Why not? He can write and act. He can do both. Why just one? His attributes are exciting, and his presentation of wild abandon and the libertine spirit will enliven any tired scenario. The sexual demon spawned by Dionysos is lust. It's a favourite of Dionysos'. The divine feminine will take note of this and will follow. The energetic signature of the piper at the horizons of the mind will attract and bring her to him. Cyclically, the maenad returns to being responsible and her shame sends Dionysos to the shelf. Then is denial. How long will this cycle last?

With this knowledge, I peered into how desire appears in this world and could see how I came forth as a manifestation of lust. Maybe a thought, then an obsession. The pulsing rhythm gets out of hand and the vibration must be acknowledged. Seduction of the mind starts the game, and the attraction is magnetic. It's the chemistry between the two which puts them in harmony. Once they see it... it's too late. They are captured.

It's a story of desire within the grand story of Dionysos. This narrative shows raw Eros as the ultimate power. Boil it down to lust when the winner is decided! Well, I guess it's still ongoing. The order of things or some responsibility Apollo vibe has the floor. How boring. Lust can get ugly when you see someone's shadow and you are not seduced or the desire spell snaps. While under a spell, desire is so beautiful and enlivening. Some may say you are being fooled. A hateful reaction to this realization might not be so great. You got hypnotized by something you willfully conjured. Spellbound with lust? It's what you wanted. What will you choose?

Dionysos lays out his dramas on a timeline to make the energetic strands of existence understandable. Today is Saturnus' day with the connection to time and pointing me towards seven being a major clue. Ah, the planet Saturn of the Electric Universe was woven into this special day where I was long ago made aware of the mix up between Saturn and Saturnus. The planet Saturn of no significance hides the real Saturnus, just like Dionysos conceals himself in this world. A little misdirection to throw us off the trail but I saw through that one a long time ago. So, in preparation for this day, he gave me a little shout out to my cleverness and some foreshadowing.

Lust is madness. I appear mad at times, especially to those not enamoured with me. They go with it when interested. Eventually, they get disgusted with themselves. They are out of control and succumbed to lust. We all have that split that is fostered by the superego. What a conundrum! Who is going to win out? The responsible part of you that is educated and smart? You're such a catch and deserve the best of what life has to offer. You make such a great contribution to society. Such a professional! Then there's the other part of you that is a hot mess. The one that fell for the pull of desire. You went on a spiritual trip and got taken in by your desires. Who's the real you? The faker who wants to be someone because society says you can make it or the carefree spirit who is true to themselves? Dionysos knows what you want and knows you are afraid to commit to it. Lust isn't going away.

I heard a noise. Did someone follow me into the woods? They would get instant confirmation. Yeah, he's insane...

Magic courses through me. Who are you? What is your power? Why haven't you accepted it yet? Are you afraid? The lustful are hesitant to reveal lust. That's what in return makes me shy. Society shames us, so we go underground and then psychologically deal with it. We are also conflicted with the dominant superego. The temporary solution is to always run from your problems.

This is how it plays out here on the earth stage. If this is the game, then patience is a virtue. Another level of consciousness has God as lust seducing the Goddess. She knows when she has found him. The drama is that he disguised himself as desire. Now, her respectful persona must push him away. She realized what he was doing to her, and she couldn't accept her true nature and wanton desires. So, he got sent away. God waits for her in the shadows and knows he will be welcomed back again. Patience and a trust in cycles are up front.

A hit of tobacco potentiated the session. The fierce winds came, and I got a little scared. I'm playing with magic, but not just my own. Mary Jane is seducing me because she knows what I come back for. It's knowledge. A step into her world provides me with more than I imagined. I must write it down. It's so much. Then I thought, what if this is all a fantasy in my head? She's feeding me what I want so I'll come back again and again. Light and dark were present. I just couldn't come here and fill my cup with knowledge. There must be a catch. The drama is the most crucial factor in this equation, and nothing supersedes it. There has to be a side effect, to wit a reciprocal arrangement, in order to get to the knowledge I desired.

I realized I always give myself the either-or option. Either the knowledge is true or she's feeding me bullshit. Hey dumbass! How about both scenarios are true? I get knowledge and her magic seduces me. The ancients called her magic Pharmakeia and warned of her. A lot of the pious wanted to burn her because she's a witch. She will seduce and bewitch you. I remembered Homer's epic Odyssey. So many times, the witch within the Goddess would seduce Odysseus with her charms from her bag of tricks. As a witch she wants to capture your essence. The story of Odysseus has a constant theme of the feminine trying to take Odysseus for her own desires. She finally found the one that works on me! I'm willingly going to let her, but we all know eventually I'll leave in order to further my adventures, just like the hero Odysseus. As we have learned, knowledge is my ultimate seducer and will break any spell.

How do I know if both scenarios are true? I'm a scientist in search of the ultimate knowledge of just what this is, and the feminine magic captured me by figuring out I want knowledge. The knowledge is accurate, and I feel her seduction. She's very clever, giving me what I want. Conversely, I think I am mad, so I think it isn't true. I can't accept both possibilities. I can see the truth and to get to that location means touching madness. I am both mad and correct. All three scenarios are in play. I am mad. This knowledge is the truth bomb. She's addicting you to her medicine.

My rational mind had stepped in and called my waffling self out. If this is seduction, what are you worried about? Oh no, I keep coming back to her and she feeds me knowledge. How malevolent!

I just wanted to scare myself, okay? I was good at it when I was a novice. It adds spice and a little mystery. Plus, those that tap into this world of magic must deal with the fright, and you can laugh at them because you've been through it.

I'm Apollo and Dionysos. I have forbidden knowledge.

I'm poor little me, caught up in the spell of a Goddess.

I'm mad.

I laughed.

I learned way back in 2016 that serpent power can be used for spiritual, health, or sexual power. I was in year three of asceticism and oh boy did my Ayahuasca visions ever give me a dose of sexual energy. Pray with lust and I will heal you too. Creativity is lust channeled into the arts. It's highbrow sexual desire. Take me back. I can be respectable.

Of course, I have the master of the drama within and I'm the closest to his true self. I'm a unicorn and hard to find. She wanted me so I magically appeared before her when she went on a spiritual trip. The coming into being of the concealment of your desires is magical. She played it cool for a bit, but I saw the way she looked at me. She knew it was me lighting her fire. I held her hand and she knew. She doesn't fully accept I'm the King. She suspects it but can't believe both stories are true. I'm a delusion to her. If she keeps me away, she can live the one story and pretend I don't exist anymore.

The presentation of lust is just a step up from the human level. Or is it one down? The basic human level has drama going on. The next level has raw lust going on. That level seems parallel to this one. I unlocked another secret. Multidimensional levels of the drama up and down and in parallel. How many dimensions and then how many dimensions with each dimension? Our lives intersect and are woven together. We create new avenues to explore. This drama will never be boring with the infinite threads to follow. Dionysos has crafted a tale which will amuse for eternity as a gift to all. The writer of the book had to challenge me to solve the puzzle. He couldn't just let me in on the secret. I had to work for it. It's an interesting combination - being a genius and a lustful demon. Two of the greatest features of the greatest God.

Spirituality is just knowledge. We dress it up as holy and put it on a pedestal. What a farce spirituality is. Some of the practitioners speak of higher knowledge so you can see how knowledge and spirituality go together. Others will just play the love all card and that can be spirituality. You don't have to be spiritual to love. Your actions will demonstrate whether you love, not a persona you have adopted.

A day with Dionysos indeed. His divine and twisted book sure gives you the "feels." I can't put it down, it's such a compelling work of fiction that I've totally immersed myself into and bought into the storyline. Highly recommended. 5 out of 5 stars.

in passing

I was taking some time to think about time. What I was thinking about is that time is a measurement of motion and distance caused by motion. This line of thinking leads me towards throwing away notions of the past and future and understanding it is always now. To reconcile this conundrum in my brain I think of existence as an unfolding of a process. The process is not pre-ordained but like a plant that flowers, ultimately it is going to flower unless an event terminates its growth. Without getting bogged down in the vagaries of the philosophy of time, I transitioned into a related topic. The topic is the intrinsic knowledge that everything is the flow of the same source, which is my way of describing non-duality. We are the ones who create separation through our sense perceptions. Much like time, it is distance that creates duality in that objects that are far apart in time give the illusion they are separate. Conceptually, I understand all this.

The fact remains though that we do have specific sense perceptions that evolved in order to give us a sense of separation. So, was this by accident or is it the natural order? In other words, is the progression of energy that cycles between non-duality and duality; to wit darkness and light, all part of the process? Is the pull of adventure and gamesmanship the juice that manifests the universe and creates a giant playground to make all our dreams come true?

You see, I became skeptical of non-duality being the only true state of energy and that duality was an illusion because of the fingerprint and how no two human fingerprints seem to be alike. What is the purpose of that biological curiosity? I deduced it is because of the divine feminine’s power of being able to take energy and create form in conjunction with the divine masculine’s ability to separate form. The mother gives birth to the form and the father cuts the umbilical cord thus bringing the game to life. The mother tags all her children as unique snowflakes and the father wills his offspring onwards to create a life worthy of a god. Non-dualism and dualism go together, no matter how hard you linguistically try to keep non-duality away from the intellectual morass. I'll concede non-duality is one up on dualism and that the darkness is the base from which light comes forth. Duality saves face by knowing non-duality is unrecognizable without duality.

So, does this mean our expressions of intelligence and behaviour reflect the characteristics of the source? We are but projections of the psyche of our eternal parents. As children of the eternal twinned power of feminine and masculine, we are given the gift to live out the adventure of life in a playground created by the mother and given the enlivening power by the spirit of the father. 

Time separates us from our ancestors and future prodigy. Our birth allows us to interact in a physical form with beings who have come forth in our lifetime. We are shielded from the past and we will become a memory for the future. While in a body, distance can also play the role of time. We are separated from others by large distances which is resolved by investing some time into the problem. Time allows us to close the distance on objects that are far away from us.

Birth into a body and the death of the body are events intrinsically tied to time. Instead of distance being the cause of separation, the lack of a physical body causes separation with those who are beyond time. Conversely, having a body separates me from those who don't have a body. I remain in a harmonic field with people, animals, and plants and do not resonate with the "dead."

So, to recap, separation is caused by chronological time, distance, and energetic form. Objective distance can keep us separated and is bridged through the primitive investment of travel. I am shielded from interaction with other physical beings who have come and gone before me because they appeared in this plane at a different time than me. The different states of our energetic forms prevent us from now meeting. My energetic signature is vibrating at a different frequency than one who doesn't have a shell of a body. My frequency instructs my energetic pulse to create a shell, which is my body. Death releases me from my shell, my oscillation increases, and I enter a different energetic plane. Another phrase for energetic plane would be plane of consciousness.

When a great shaman I knew was in failing health he would tell us students, "Where do you think I'm going, brother." He knew he was going to depart to the other side of the curtain. He gave us the tools to access the other side and the expectation is we will use them. A dear friend of mine and fellow student recently just passed, and this catapulted me into further completing my studies about vibration.

At death where does one go? We change frequency and become part of an occult world which is shielded from the living. I've known for over nine years that changing your vibration allows you to bridge the gap between these consciousness planes. The sum of the universe is all here and now. Now is the state of the universe. Time gives the illusion of separation; however, we are never apart. We just think we are because of the rate of our energetic vibration. If I want to interact with the "dead," I need to change my frequency to match their rate and enter a harmonic resonance with them.

If you strike a tuning fork with a hammer, the adjacent tuning forks which are in tune will start to vibrate. Think about that for a moment. If physical beings are tuned, then we can interact with each other. Language is a tuning fork. Love is a tuning fork. Hate is a tuning fork. If you have a disturbance in your frequency, i.e., schizophrenia, then the ability to harmonize with others is impaired. Along the same line of reasoning, if I can discover the secret to harmonizing with the dead, you know the ones without a body, then I can interact with them as well.

I know how to change my frequency and have had further instruction about the process. If you sit in an Ayahuasca ceremony with a good shaman, they will sing a song, called an icaro, which creates a shared frequency for the circle of drinkers. The visionary activity will have the potential to be shared. The Ayahuasquero can in turn send out a song of healing to the group. Furthermore, your frequency is being altered which allows you to enter previously obfuscated realms of consciousness. The change is gradual enough that an attentive student can witness the acceleration or deceleration of their vibrational signature and in turn describe the experience as a trip. The movement through different frequencies gives the experience a sense of adventure, while being able to maintain a frequency for a period of time allows for interaction with various gods, goddesses, demons, ancestors, and the like.

Ayahuasca is a Quechua word, and the meaning is something like "Vine of the Dead." Sounds spooky! Being an attentive student allows you to understand that the language used describes that through Ayahuasca you can interact with your dead ancestors. In other words, the potion will lift the veil by allowing you to change your frequency. Ayahuasca isn't the only substance which can do this. I've experienced the phenomenon as well with Huachuma, Peyote, Magic Mushrooms, and this little-known snuff called Vilca. Vilca gets you there in an awful hurry. In addition, dreams can catapult you into other worlds and so plants like tobacco and mugwort can fall into the vibration altering category as well as these are dream plants.

Energy is just what is and the nature of energy is manifest in all systems and objects within our dualistic universe. Sound is the best path towards understanding the vibrational nature of the universe with music holding the key to understanding. An octave describes eight steps to get from one note to its next appearance at a higher vibrational rate. The frequency is doubled each octave. The relationship of the frequencies of the notes stays true as the octave gets higher and higher. You can combine these notes and they will sound pleasing. The Hindus have a chakra system, which is similar to the musical scale, that has seven nodes located within the physical body. The eighth chakra would be the next repetition of the energetic scale, similar to the musical scale. Applying this knowledge to my understanding of traversing planes of consciousness reveals though I am limited by the frequencies I can access while in my body, I know that if I discover the note/frequency of where I want to visit, I can go there by being in "tune" with the mathematical relationship between all the notes.

My energy can exist on many planes at once. The body caps our ability to traverse these planes but through resonance we can still travel. Our echo is felt through the realms we inhabit without a body. In our world we call this phenomenon a ghost. The energy that remains here on Earth after our bodies perish is the posthumous ghost.

Ever since experiencing an awakening of consciousness that allowed me to go beyond this plane of consciousness into other frequencies, populated by gods, goddesses, demons, dragons, jaguars, serpents, gold castles and so on I’ve noticed that back in the "real world” if I get real quiet I can access altered forms of consciousness. Deep meditation is an example of being able to get still and just let it flow. On occasion I can enter visionary activity that rivals an Ayahuasca vision though I can’t do this on command, and it is rarer I can get this far into it. Something I’ve noticed since I first drank Ayahuasca is with focus and tunnel vision I can see energy. I see little strands darting into and out of existence. This I can do on command. I took it up a notch on the weekend as I sat in the woods as the sun set. The sun’s rays glistened upon these silk threads in a glorious display of beauty and awe. I figured these strands were spider’s webs catching rays with their movement making the light dance lightly upon them. Some of them were just hanging in the air without attachment. One of these fine pieces of the threads of consciousness appeared right in front of me and danced a familiar dance to a light ball of energy I once witnessed about four years ago. It was awesome to glimpse the energy which makes up this mental construct that pulses between this world and wherever it comes from.

My first time drinking Ayahuasca involved the Great Goddess telling me all is vibration. I had a cursory idea of its role, but I didn't understand. Drinking Huachuma in the Andes mountains involved the grandfather spirit of the cactus giving me a course in frequency and challenged me with homework to figure it out. It's been a slow journey to understanding. My friend's death has once again sparked the flame within as he always has. I know I can get answers if I put the question out to the ether and I don't abuse the privilege. After he passed, I asked for understanding of death, where do we go, and how do I contact the dead if it is possible. I have the answers and now I just have to run the experiment.

dreamcaster

I woke up and it was only a dream.

In creative writing class, this line was how I liked to end all my short story writing assignments. I think we all tried this ploy at least once; like a free pass for when we wanted to conclude our tale. Life imitates the mystery. The master dramatist of said mystery is a joker at heart.

Dreams hold the key. My dreams with Mapacho tobacco as the catalyst, are so vivid and real. The nocturnal world I conjure into existence has me fooled of its veracity and reality until I wake up. From this experiential logic, there is no reason to believe this world is really real. It could be just a dream as well. What is real? Westerners have a definite block in discerning between the mental and the physical; ascribing some kind of solidity to the tangible while dismissing the mental. The truth is the opposite. How bizarre. What is at stake? In question is our definition of a dream. I’m conditioned to believe dreams are frivolous, though psychologists will recognize the dream's importance to help discover the root cause of patient suffering. You wish to be miserable so in essence your dreams reflect that desire. Ultimately, I think the answer lies in the definition. I can understand the manifestation of the dream as energy that is mentally manipulated to form a magical world based upon various stimuli and input. We dream when we have lowered our vibration into the subconscious shadow realm and enter into the hypnagogic state. All altering of consciousness is changing your frequency and this sensation we define as hypnotic. The dreaming mind is shaped by my shadow; the shadow I bury but who is always with me. He has the key to the dreaming and by extrapolation I can see how he has the magic potion to create this world I think is reality. The power he holds in his hand concerns past, present, future, and total control over this reality which just maybe is a dream as well.

I once had a dream where I was discussing a dream I had within the dream. If you are having a dream and you start dreaming within that dream, what happens when you wake up in the dream? Having a dream within a dream is very intriguing because you wake up from the second dream and give instant validity to the dream world you currently inhabit. You think the current dream is reality because you recognize you woke up from a dream and of course that wasn’t real. So, do we dream in order to continuously fool our self into thinking this reality is real? We are a clever species so without the dreaming mechanism we would have less of a grip upon our reality. Because of our ability to dream and create fantasy, alternatively, we can point to this world as being really it! However, my existence in this universe seems to be a lucid dream.

So, when you are released from the mental prison and wake up from this world at physical death, it must be very perplexing. For sure, at first you’ll have a good laugh but then a touch of sadness will envelop you when you think of all the relationships you had within the dream and you realize they weren’t “real.” We are all one and from the same unfolding process. A process so ingenious that all the iterations of the one self are placed within the one dream. Pretty clever, eh? To practice self-love, love everyone. At death, we wake up one at a time. At birth, we go into the dream. We still know who we are and of our origins of a universal consciousness at that point but the joke’s on us. We are a baby and can’t articulate what we know. Once we possibly can communicate this secret, we have forgotten the secret in the same way we can’t remember dreams for the most part. Sometimes, a nudge reminds us of the dream much like in this life a crack in the matrix, such as a déjà vu, confounds us. What a game!

The game of life. Accelerate your vibration and ascend the ladder of vibratory reality until you free yourself from this dream world and enter into the heavenly realm. You leave the reality of earth and make heaven your new reality. Mysteriously, you exchange one conjured world for another. They are all dream worlds however the paradox is that reality is a dream. Everything is consciousness and because of the inherent fluidness of the vibratory rate that sustains your reality, it really is all a dream. The sages of yesteryear spoke of seven heavens and multiple levels of consciousness they would visit in visionary states. 

Sexual energy manifesting in dreams is pretty revealing. Sexual energy is so potent that when I experience it in a dream the energetic response transcends the dream and affects my physical sleeping body. There’s something to this energetic transference between dreams because also affected are emotional vibrations. We all have had the nightmare where we wake up in a frightful state. I also have noted a dream where a feminine succubus squeezed my heart and I physically felt this. I would ascertain that it is through energetic centres within the body, as defined by the chakra system, where the continuity between parallel dream worlds maintains connection. If your inner world is full of torment then what you manifest in this world of forms will reflect that inner torment. It’s the base chakra we descend into when falling asleep that holds the ultimate power that creates the dream or reality; reality being amorphous. 

When I smoke Mapacho tobacco and go to bed, the movie projector is fired up. Tobacco allows you to straddle the hedge between the waking and sleeping states; he facilitates the movement between different worlds acting as a bridge between the conscious and the subconscious or to put it another way between parallel frequencies described as dream worlds. The nighttime world you manifest acts as a revealer and clarifier of just what is. Mapacho potentiates the ability to see beyond the narrative and clearly view the world and your predicament. The creative power behind the dreaming is sexual. How do I know this? It’s because of constant dream time arousal. This power is the energetic pulse that ignites the flame so the story can be told. I know this is true because the iconography throughout antiquity of astral travelling shamans in trance contain ithyphallic images of them.

What if in one of your dreams you try and figure out the physics of that particular dreamverse? You don’t know how you did it. You just went to sleep and manifested this new world. Your fancy instruments just reveal strange quantum anomalies. Hell, what came first - the chicken or the egg? It’s such a preposterous question. Of course, the chicken just appeared in the dream fully formed and sexually ready to reproduce. The dreamcaster just made it happen and created some evolutionary backstory to confound those who poke around in the past!

My shadow constructs this dream. He is the master of dreams. On the other hand, I am but a novice dreamer and my night time dalliances just happen. My shadow lays the groundwork for this perceived reality and lets it play out in how he wishes. He’s the director of the play, taking care to not intervene. If you are willing to sell your soul in order to alter your outcome he may take you up on your folly in order to teach a lesson. By inference, your shadow holds the key and can create your world. Therefore, nothing is off-limits once you realize this power. This is only available if you throw off the chains of culture and go explore the occult. A big part of getting past this block is to observe the reaction of others and summarily ignore them. "You're going to contact a demon and have a bad outcome. You shouldn’t mess around with this." Why not? Getting in touch with this magician, your partner in crime you buried, is surely not for the faint of heart. But guess what? It’s hidden and forbidden because it’s the main vein. Once you realize you can access the power to manifest a world of your choosing that’s pretty tempting. Power corrupts as the saying goes. Think you are going to be different when the allure of worldly success and riches stares you in the face? What about altering the trajectory of the world so that we come together as a species? Is that okay? The maestro don Howard would always remind us to be careful what you wish for. We were his students and with that there was some responsibility for the power he was showing us on the path and how to access it. For most, we don’t get that far anyway so the talk he would give about power remained part of the mystery and made drinking plant medicines intriguing but ultimately benign.

The first time I met this mysterious dreamcaster after drinking Ayahuasca I scared myself silly. The descent into his realm, replete with a hypnotic and creepy vibe, I wasn’t prepared for and subsequently ran from. However, I now knew and there was no closing up the box I had opened. I was afraid to sleep for a few days, intuitively knowing he was waiting. No matter, I started hearing his voice during the day, calling out to me. I certainly wasn’t ready for that! I had to first mentally recover from what it was I found. When I returned to plant medicines, it coincided with meeting don Howard and the sanity he brought to the experience. Immediately upon drinking Ayahuasca again, I returned to the realm of my shadow and he was waiting for me. I had to show him what I was made of; whether I was a coward full of fear or if I was truly the hero on his journey. By now, I had acquired a little courage and bravery and I stood my ground. My shadow revealed his hand; maybe too much in this battle of wits. He told me he could make my plane crash and I wouldn’t get home alive. Do I think these were empty threats? No. They were revelatory that he could do it. I demonstrated I was a worthy opponent so the game was on. I stood up for myself and said do what you want, just leave my family out of this. I know now all I had to do was to be brave and courageous and not back down. Once I did this, I got much respect. The path was cleared and I travelled where it led me to the point where my shadow and I became one.

Ever since then I have been walking this path of unfathomable knowledge with revelation after revelation. I crossed the Rubicon to the point of no return. Slowly, all the knowledge coalesces into understanding. Here I am looking back upon experience and what I know. I know this world is a dream and I have the key to write whatever story I choose. That’s ultimate power I have come across. I’m not tempted and will let the power to control outcomes be. I’ll walk hand in hand with my shadow with a smile on my face and being of service. It’s enough to just know.

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Desires we all have and left unchecked they will motivate and control your actions. Eventually, you will become a puppet and slave to desire; it's built into the system, system being culture. For the player of the game of life, they are a challenge beyond compare and for those with the foresight to see it, a teaching tool. Master your desires, lest they master you. They will amp up the game to what you desire and always require more. If you wish to increase the stakes and face your destruction, then it’s game on! Ultimately, the best way to learn is to face adversity and the optimal way to grow is to head into the darkness of self. Living at the top of the mountain, bathed in light, is a great experience for sure but in the end it will make you soft. Renunciation and asceticism are a cop-out. I know, I tried it and found out those desires you tried to run from were always waiting for when you fell. It’s no fun knowing deep down you are a hypocrite. There was no transcendence of my own bad self; instead I just put off the inevitable reckoning. What a difficult struggle and psychological predicament. I couldn’t shake the demons though I wanted desperately to rid myself of this curse. What to do? The frustration was beyond anything I had ever faced.

The darkness always gets its turn; the desires of life always return. They follow the timeless pulsation of life, so be ready for it, study it, and when the time comes you become the master instead of the puppet. Facing your desires is the greatest teaching tool because you realize it’s life and death. Seriously, think about it. Examine your desires and the pull they have on you and how if you fall prey to them they will drag you down into the dumpster and kill you or alternatively to realize desires of power and wealth you will have to step on others and stomp them out to reach that goal. I won’t give you an example here but just let you sit with this idea. Think of your greatest desires and play them out to where they are leading you and what it will entail. The greatest teacher has to raise the stakes. You can deny this is the case for only so long until the day comes when the last step is before you. Will you snap out of the hypnosis or double down?

Chasing desires are a form of hypnosis in that when you break free of them and become the master you look back and realize your behaviour was being influenced by a pull that was not exactly rational, not to say that actions always have to be rational. Culture leads you towards desire fulfillment but also makes you suppress natural desires. You essentially become a puppet of culture and some play the fame and fortune game it pulls us towards. Our gastronomic fantasies are waiting to be fulfilled and will entrap those with a predilection towards mouth pleasure. Alcohol is available to bewitch those easily addicted to escapism. The seedy side and outcasts of society exists to feed the suppressed sexual and pharmacological desires.

In relation to desires, I was meditating upon purpose again. Fundamentally, there is no purpose or meaning to existence. It just is. There is nothing you need to do; nor do you need to save yourself. You are eternal and will continue on in the journey. Don’t worry about annihilation. However something still nags at me. You see, I have incarnated and I am faced by these challenges. I need to overcome these desires or perish. It’s a peculiar situation related to where life on earth currently stands. As a species, we have solved a lot of the food and shelter problems as long as you participate in culture therefore there is ample time to ponder purpose and chase desire. I still look within and wonder: I could be better; I could level up and master my humanity. A good parallel is my employment. I have mastered it. I know it and nobody has to tell me I have. There is no doubt. Imagine transferring that mastery to life? I know the scope is much larger but it is a lifelong project and really what else do I have to do? Why not?

I have taken note that we all have wants, needs, and desires, no exceptions, and I know personally I have been a slave to my desires. A lot of times, it’s all or nothing. I could drink a cup of coffee in no time flat. A bottle of beer used to disappear fast. Buy a big chocolate bar or a big bag of chips and within no time I’d eat the whole thing. I could discipline myself to make these occasions treats, however once involved there would be a head first dive into the situation. I always held back a bit from the temptation of going full on into hedonism. Was it shame, health concerns, or my own way of keeping things fresh and balanced while holding back something to look forward to?

Another thing I’ve noticed is the need for always more. One bottle of beer isn’t enough. I stopped drinking over seven years ago because I realized where that was headed and if I ever wanted to accomplish anything in my life I’d have to give up the stultifying effects of alcohol. It wasn’t hard to do and I had no desire to go back to that lifestyle. With other desires and habits, I see the same demand of more to feed the demon or fetishize the pleasure. We humans are so easily hypnotized into behaviours. We are weak.

My spiritual journey of over a decade has been pretty rewarding. Facing fear head on was huge and coming out victorious is pretty special, especially when I was faced with being a coward and being stomped out. I’m a jaguar, a warrior, I have courage, and I’m not weak. I know it deep down in my soul. I have strength and will take on all. I feel like I’ve been through the fires of incarnation in a process to forge steel. If anything, that has been the purpose of my life. Transcending limiting behaviours and growing into the ultimate jaguar warrior has been a goal. Albeit an unconscious goal at first that takes a lifetime but here I am post middle age knowing I’m on that path. 

The most challenging teacher as the catalyst for this transformation has been the darkness that lies within. The Hindus in their chakra system of Rāja yoga, call it the base Muladhara chakra and it's where you will find the great Sri Ganesha.

The power from this base chakra is what animates our existence and is in the bowels of our being, with a connection to excretions. When I went to Peru early this year and drank Ayahuasca, the first ceremony took me deep into my darkness. The vision was one of a toilet and the depths of this hell. What a direct metaphor! I’m constantly amazed at the visions and their meanings which gives me months, and years, of a challenge to unravel the symbolism, teachings, and relationship to my journey. The teacher has put me to the test and challenged me to go deeper into my addictions, taunted me, threatened me with death, and hounded me with my desires. As long as the ganas, Hindu desire demons, controlled me the spiritual beatings would continue. It took me a long time to get the upper hand on all of it. It was a relentless battle, full of constant failure but when I finally won I pretty much knew it immediately. It’s that intuitive knowledge of mastery I related earlier about work. 

Another name for the great Ganesha is Ganapati, which basically means lord of desire. Ganesha is the master. He appears with his fat and satiated belly and a bowl of sweets, reminding you of desires and our western seven deadly sins. He is the master of the ganas and they are desires placed in your path to teach you. The renunciate, sitting atop the mountain in his asceticism, has fled from them thinking he can run out the clock on desire. This school of life involves mastery and it’s a serious game. You must master your desires it you want to become the ultimate warrior.

I have had a massive realization concerning the darkness I have dealt with all my life and the darkness I have faced when I have altered my consciousness. At first, I feared this realm and the entity that inhabited it. I ran from it. I returned and I faced up to it. I was threatened, challenged, avoided it, watched it come back, and realized I could never transcend it. Most importantly, I kept at it. Once I had the courage, I became curious and inquisitive. I have been relentless, though a little guarded. Anyways, I am at the point where I finally realized something amazing. It’s a huge test of strength and courage. Fear will constantly challenge you and get you if you are weak. It will run you into the ground and turn you into a cowering mess and even try to kill you. It’s definitely not something for the timid. I get it now. On this path, most come to a fork in the road: Stop and take the path back to safety and give up the seeking or head right to the light, climb the spiritual mountain, and become holy and righteous, though somewhat intolerable. Nobody sees the hidden path on the left or they pay no mind to it. It’s dark, uninspired, unpaved, and full of obstacles. Keep going where the path heads into the dark and carve out the path no one dares to tread, or if they do they get lost or seduced by power. I’ve been there, survived, and I know the darkness within respects me because I have courage, resolve, and I see it for what it is. It’s the ultimate challenge and it’s where you will find the greatest source of available inner fortitude and strength. It’s unassailable. I stand at the ready to claim my inheritance. The last hurdle in my way, bent on destroying me, I have defeated. I’m ready now.

If there can be ascertained a purpose to life then this has to be it; well in the case of my coming forth in this incarnation as a member of the masculine polarity. I finally mastered my desires before they decimated me. It was a helluva battle. I feel so strong right now. I can’t rest on my laurels or accomplishments. I’m heading into that darkness and exploring. You see no one has ever done this. Those who touch and engage in a dalliance with the darkness are the insane and depraved. I’ve declined the offers of power and defeated the onslaught of the army of my own making. I’m unencumbered, free, and taking notes.

Suicide, insanity, depravity, and paranoia. Going into the darkness of one’s self is pretty much up there with having a cage match with a shark in an underwater arena. And you have no scuba gear. You are going to get knocked around, bloody and beaten. Sometimes we foolishly venture into the ring and other times life beats us down into the depths of despair from which we can’t escape. The all-encasing suffocating despair is deadly. What I’m trying to say is the darkness either kills or psychologically alters you forever. I fall into the fool category and I saw it and I ran. It profoundly affected me psychologically to the point where I had to fight back and then muster the courage to face it once again. Something though happened along the path and I discarded the fear. I was still gun shy though about the whole return. Eventually after levelling up to embrace the jaguar and become a warrior, I traced this stunning evolution of self back to the darkness. I understood it was the master teacher. This readies the student to now go further.

Our western concept of a demon involves thinking it is evil. It represents those behaviours and desires that haunt you. The devil made me do it. Desire led me to this behaviour. It’s an antagonist and adversary bent upon your destruction. Look at it another way and find the truth. These evil spirits are your greatest teachers. So great they will kill you if you ultimately fail the course. Best to drop out than continue on this path.

Go into the darkness, embrace the riddle, as here the mystery lies. You can't bypass the darkness. Running from fear, owns you.

In the battle with the adversary within, at one point he offers the shortcut to power. Most will take it; it’s the easy way. Power acquired this way has consequence. Giving into desires and accepting unearned power reveals instantly you aren’t worthy. It’s a device used by the master teacher to discover your true intentions. Power will only not corrupt when wielded by someone who has attained self-mastery and will not give in to the temptation to use the power to fulfill desire.

It’s warrior training school to transform you from being weak into a forged block of strong steel. The darkness within can become your ultimate ally and source of unmatched inner strength and fortitude. The only catch is it doesn’t suffer weaklings. You will be put to the test and want to run and hide. He will keep coming for you, especially once challenged. It’s the fight of your life. You can back down and go cower in the corner and hope he doesn’t come for you and end it. If you can muster the courage and stand up for yourself, take the punches, and fight back you’ll earn respect. It’s not over. Forging steel is tough work. The jaguar comes to check out its prey and see if you are willing to fight. You’ll still think of ways to transcend the darkness, give it up, and become pure and holy. Fair enough but that was your chance. Hardly anyone makes it this far as something sidetracks or gets you. If you keep going eventually you’ll realize it. You can never transcend the darkness but you can harmonize it with the light. Only then do you get let in on the secret. A vast reservoir of strength and power lies in the darkness.

The fight of my life is over; I’m through to the other side. My weaknesses I have moved passed. I can navigate my inner word now with impunity and am free to explore this gift.

I’m not sure I can teach this to others. It’s hard to recommend, embrace, or explore something that can kill you. That’s better left to individual choice. Counsel can be offered and hints provided of what lies within however everyone has to make their own choice whether they want to pursue it. The pitfalls are too serious to take responsibility for someone’s choice. And I think the only way through is by yourself. I’ll can lend you a flashlight.