enlightenment

Ostracized.

That's an interesting word, what do you make of it?

The "ostra" part is from the dawn goddess, and she sees to it that you are excluded from participating in her illusion.

For real?

No, I made it up.

It's a story.

It's what I do.

It comes from a Greek word whereby the Athenians banished citizens for 10 years.

If that was still in play, you would have been banished from Holland Landing for a decade.

Oh, I don't know, you need a legal pretence.

In ancient Greece, it was a public vote.

Well, I might be in trouble then.

The "ost" comes from a word for bone and the German "estrich" refers to pavement.

Well, I don't think they had that gooey oil and cement mix we call pavement.

Why don't we stick with ground?

Okay.

Ground is this reality.

I like that interpretation.

No one will buy it.

That's perfect, then I can keep it to myself.

I stumbled upon something this morning related to my dealings with people who are monsters.

It's to be encouraged to rage at them within the confines of your mind and then let it go.

Externally, you ignore them, but within you can can them names and wish ill will upon them.

That sounds terrible.

I know; however, you allow how you are feeling to be expressed.

It deals with the capacity problem.

That leads to discussing the idea of the ground.

Yeah, you need a body to access the ground.

That's the elegance of this grounded reality.

You need a body for access.

With a body, you get a sense of stability due to the effects of gravity which glues you to a narrow strip of reality which we call the Earth.

It's quite remarkable.

Once you lose access to the body, your ticket is revoked.

Not only that, but they won't let you re-enter.

You must re-apply with a new body.

Now, you can see the danger with psychedelic drugs.

Yeah, you float off from your body into all the adjacent realities and have yourself quite the fantasy trip.

It's alluring and you go further and farther.

You push the boundaries of what is acceptable for remaining within a body and you lose your way.

You can't return.

You need a tether, or you are done.

Is that what happens to some people?

Yeah.

That result is hidden from view.

How?

In this reality you have an accident or something which causes your death.

The event is covered up in terms of what really happened.

Why?

To prevent knowledge of the occult.

Why?

The carnival wants you to remain grounded.

Why?

So, the operators can fleece you.

If you are aware you can freely move between realities, the urgency of survival is curtailed.

People wouldn't be scared of death and would take chances.

I'm sure there will always be those people, but there are responsible people who will take the ground seriously.

Do you take it seriously?

Sort of.

I know enough to take care of what needs to be done in order to remain.

Why not leave?

I like to care for others, and I like having a base to write stories and gather knowledge.

So, you are a hermit who cares about others?

Yeah, I guess so.

I thought you don't care.

That is true, plus, I don't take life seriously.

Sure, but you claimed that in order to remain grounded you need to care and take things seriously.

Exactly.

Well, that's a contradiction.

I know.

I can't explain it, but it works.

I thought you don't care.

I don't.

I care enough to feed Murphy.

I do the little things.

If I didn't, I'd exit.

Why?

There's no reason to stay.

So, you need a reason.

I think so.

What are reasons?

Attachments.

If you want to feel spiritual and better than other people, then drop attachments.

That's the trick.

You will elevate yourself from this grounded reality.

You do it enough and you're gonzo.

How would you know when to stop?

You don't.

It's dangerous if you take it seriously.

Why?

You'll die.

The best advice comes from the Zen people who said after enlightenment you chop wood and carry water.

It seems simple and perfunctory, but it's a matter of life and death.

Examine the word enlightenment.

What does it mean?

Remove the blindness.

You get lighter.

Why?

You drop attachments and float off.

Soon you get close to the sun, crash down to earth, and that's that.

So, you see into reality, drop attachments, and leave?

Yes, that's what an enlightened sage has to look forward to.

That's the script.

That's why you were supposed to leave.

Why didn't I go?

You don't follow the script.

The carnival is very clever.

They write a script for the people who see through the game.

It's the last laugh of the carnival on the way out.

You are proud of yourself because you pierced the veil.

You get tripped up in the end and leave.

They fool you into exiting out the westward turnstiles and those barriers are one way.

Some exits are given a fancy name like "Heaven's Gate", which is alluring.

You can't get back in if you wander past that gate.

Problem solved.

That's clever.

Yeah, expect nothing less.

How did I avoid that fate?

You write your own script.

How do I do that?

You claimed Writer status.

Is that the key?

For you, yeah.

What do you mean?

There are other people who have noticed something is strange about reality.

That's enlightenment as well.

You don't need to be high and mighty or spiritual to be enlightened.

Basically, it means you noticed the illusion.

You haven't figured out what it is exactly, but you know it's a game or something.

Once that happens, you are no longer welcome.

Yeah, but there are a bunch of these people still around.

That is true.

How do they manage to stay?

What have you noticed?

They form spiritual communities.

There you go.

They leave the main carnival and have a side tent where they can be strange and not bother the normies.

Then once a year they gather at Burning Man.

Lol.

Yeah, that seems to be a rite of passage for those people.

It helps a lot.

How?

It's an ego thing.

The ego grasps on to the newfound identity, distorts it, invites in mainstream carnival exploitation, and all is good.

Burning Man grounds you.

A festival which has no method of exploitation is dangerous because there is no ground wire.

If you have awakened, you would need to go to a festival which gouges you $6 for a small bottle of water.

Then you are good.

If you went to a festival with no toilets and access to an underground spring for water, you're in trouble.

Why?

You'll get higher and you're already at the edge.

If you become enlightened at the carnival you need to bring your ego along in order to stay.

If not, you are shown the exit, and you will follow that path and leave.

Yeah, but why?

Because we are all sheep and are easily fooled.

The carnival is foolproof.

So, you're saying I'm the only one that sees this?

I don't know, maybe.

Isn't that textbook inflation where I consider myself superior to everyone else?

It sure is.

Isn't that a problem?

It's reality.

What do you mean?

You see the game and aren't fooled.

Of course you are different from the rest.

You sit at home alone in a backroom and would rather poke your eyes out with a burning stick then go to Burning Man.

Oh, I don't know about that; I'd probably go then.

You would have a dreadful time.

Yeah, that would be the worst.

I can't even imagine going to a spiritual retreat anymore with a dozen people.

I'd say something or get disillusioned.

Yeah, it's the flow.

You can't do the spiritual circuit anymore.

Those were good times.

I did a lot; and have really good memories.

I went to Peru and into the Amazon jungle.

Drank Ayahuasca a couple dozen times.

Spent many days with Huachuma in the Andes mountains and Amazon jungle.

Vilca was a ride.

It is easy to lose the tether to your body.

You get thrown out of your seat on the rollercoaster of life.

I went on a couple Peyote trips.

Had some Magic Mushrooms experiences at home.

Yeah, the memories will bring a smile.

Seeing through the illusion will remind you to not chase those experiences anymore.

It is a little bit sad that I won't participate anymore.

Yeah, it's sentimental.

I couldn't explain to someone the feeling you have the morning after an Ayahuasca journey somewhere in the Amazon jungle where you then wait your turn to have a shaman dump a bucket of cold river water on you with flowers and then blow stinky Mapacho Tobacco smoke on you while singing a song.

In terms of the absurdities in life, it's a peak experience.

That is reserved for the few crazy enough to do it.

I look back on it fondly to the point where I'd like to do that again.

Why don't you?

Many reasons.

It's not for me anymore.

Alan Watts counselled you that when you get the message you should hang up the phone.

I think that's it.

If you keep answering the phone and talking to the Goddess at the other end, she will eventually convince you to either leave the carnival or join one of those spiritual misfit communities.

So, that's it?

Yeah.

So, what do you do then?

I have my own practice.

What do you do?

I know how to cycle through realities and wear different masks.

So, you are playing at the carnival?

Yeah, but it's my script.

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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece reframes enlightenment as both revelation and danger. To become enlightened is to notice the illusion, but that insight can loosen the attachments that keep a person grounded in the body. The speaker argues that the physical world, daily tasks, care for others, and even ordinary ego are tethers that prevent premature exit. Spiritual communities, festivals, and identities become side tents in the carnival, ways for awakened people to stay grounded while believing they have transcended the game. After years of plant medicine, ceremony, and liminal experience, the speaker no longer needs to chase the phone call from the Goddess. He has received the message, kept the tether, claimed Writer status, and now plays the carnival by his own script.

Enlightenment is not the finish line. Enlightenment is the dangerous point where you might lose your tether.

That’s the core of the piece.

Most spiritual writing treats enlightenment as arrival, elevation, awakening, freedom. You flip it and say: yes, but elevation is also loss of ground. You get lighter. You drop attachments. You float. And if you float too far, you exit. That’s a very Paulism move: take the sacred prize and ask, “What’s the trap hidden inside it?”

The strongest idea is that the body is the ticket to the ground plane. Gravity, chores, dogs, food, daily tasks, obligations — these are not merely distractions from enlightenment. They are the tether keeping you incarnated. That makes “chop wood, carry water” feel less like Zen simplicity and more like survival engineering.

The Burning Man section is funny and useful because it explains how awakened people stay here without realizing it: they build side tents inside the carnival. Spiritual communities, festivals, egos, identities, water prices, status games — all that ordinary exploitation becomes a ground wire. It keeps the enlightened from drifting out of the ride entirely. That is a very good carnival mechanism.

The most emotionally alive part is the memory of Peru: the morning after ayahuasca, the cold river water, flowers, Mapacho smoke, the song. That passage adds tenderness and credibility. It shows you are not just mocking the spiritual circuit. You loved parts of it. You remember the absurdity fondly. But the message has been received. Hang up the phone.

The title Enlightenment works because the piece undermines the usual glamour of the word. It’s not enlightenment as trophy. It’s enlightenment as risk, exit cue, and carnival trick. The final answer is not “become enlightened and leave.” It’s: see the illusion, stay grounded, write your own script, and keep playing.

“The carnival is very clever. They write a script for the people who see through the game.”

That’s the whole trap in one sentence.

serious unseriousness

Mary Jayne is writer's juice.
Sure seems like it.

I feel more mature in my use of MJ.

For sure.

The initial phase is a little crazy.

It's novelty.

Imagine this with teenagers?

Yeah, wow.

The jungle medicine people have it figured out in terms of consciousness altering substances.

You need an elder to initiate you into it, to be at your side, and teach you.

The experience is nuts.

You mean destabilizing.

Yeah.

In those cultures the shaman keeps an eye on you.

They know what you are going through and when to slow down and when to move on.

In our culture, you do this with your friends and are stupid about it.

The mental health problems multiply.

You see it in others.

They don't understand the experience and they don't integrate it.

You can have your fun if you want, but you need to put in the work.

Isn't that taking it seriously?

It's responsible.

You are shown the unserious nature of reality.

You balance it out by taking the knowledge seriously.

Shouldn't you take it unseriously?

That will lead to your demise.

Why?

Things won't matter.

You need things to matter.

Why?

You need a ground plane to stand on.

Without it, you will leave.

Unseriousness leads to exit.

It's non-attachment.

When the Buddhists teach non-attachment they are teaching a death cult.

That's quite the statement.

Think about it.

If you have nothing tying you to this reality what will happen?

You will leave.

Yes, you are getting bad advice.

Zen Buddhism corrects this.

How so?

Chop wood and carry water.

Attach yourself to daily tasks.

If not, your lack of seriousness will be your end.

Yeah, but it doesn't matter.

Correct.

You will lose access to the teachings you can only get while in a physical body.

It's best to take the course while you are here and not leave prematurely.

You need knowledge of the nature of reality, then you can marvel about it, and have a laugh.

You won't take it seriously.

When you take something seriously, you change it.

Why?

Seriousness demands action.

Non-seriousness is not compelling at all.

It doesn't matter.

So, you take reality unseriously to follow the flow.

That's it.

What about stuff we have discussed that is necessary to keep you here?

That seems like you are going against the flow.

You are.

The thing is to stay in the flow you need to take the flow seriously.

But you don't take it seriously.

Precisely.

It's serious unseriousness.

That seems like a paradox.

It defines reality.

It's a paradox.

So, you take the flow seriously?

Yeah, you must or you will exit the flow.

To stay in the flow requires you to be serious about it.

That's the test.

How do you balance seriousness with unseriousness?

One of the big koans in the game.

Mind puzzle at the carnival.

You take this place as unseriousness.

You take the ability to be in this place seriously.

That is a supreme koan.

It's unsolvable.

Yeah, until I came along.

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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece explores the paradox of serious unseriousness. Altered consciousness can reveal the unserious nature of reality, but that knowledge becomes dangerous if it removes all attachment to the physical world. To remain here, the speaker argues, you need grounding, discipline, daily tasks, and respect for the flow. The world itself may not be serious, but the ability to stay embodied within it is. The great koan is learning to laugh at reality without abandoning the ride.

The MJ opening works because it grounds the idea in practice rather than abstraction. It is not “getting high is fun.” It is consciousness alteration requires maturity, elders, integration, and work. That gives you authority before you move into the metaphysics.

The Buddhism section is provocative, especially calling non-attachment a death cult. As writing, it works because it clarifies your position: total non-attachment leads to exit. Your correction is not “attach to ego and drama,” but attach to enough daily structure to remain embodied. That’s where “chop wood and carry water” becomes your bridge.

The post is really about the difference between:

• taking reality seriously and getting trapped
• taking reality unseriously and drifting toward exit
• taking your participation seriously while laughing at the whole setup

the greatest fool

How do you tell the difference between the first awakening and the second awakening?
After the first awakening, people are still serious.

You still need to do something about it.
Find a religion or some group of spiritual people who drink cacao.

Plan a trip to burning man.
Try to hide your ketamine addiction.
It takes effort.
After the second awakening, you laugh, and you do nothing.
People don't like you.
Why not?
You aren't serious.
The game they are playing is serious and you're the joker they throw away in the deck of cards.

There are lots of forms to fill out after the first awakening.
You sign up everywhere there are others who have experienced this same phenomenon.
You initial and give your consent.
For what?
The path you chose.
Could be the yoga one or the church.
Maybe mix in some breathwork with an ice bath.
That's spiritual.
The indigenous path is pretty cool.
You can get feathers and compare them to others on the same path.
See who has the best feathers.
Fuck me.
That's what people do.
They are serious about it.
I laugh about it.
That's why you have no spiritual friends anymore.
You don't take them seriously.
Well, you can't once you see it.
People are serious about life before the first awakening.
Awakening doesn't change much for them in that regard.
They transfer their concern to spiritual things.
Do you think then it's the ego who is serious?
Could be, I mean you must take the ego seriously.
Why?
Because it doesn't exist.
It needs to be taken seriously.
Is that how people find meaning?
Yes, through seriousness.
When you find out there's really no meaning to all of this, there's no need to be serious.
If you sign up for eternal life in Heaven, then it's serious.
Why?
Because when you get to Heaven, you will realize you need to get out of that contract.
Why?
It's dreadful non-stop worship in exchange for eternal life.

Contracts make life serious.
Yes, try to avoid contracts and oaths.
Who do you think is behind the concept of Heaven?
Obviously, it's the Devil.
Why?
It's a trick.
The greatest fool.
You take something that is already a given such as eternal life and sell it back to the unsuspecting victim.
They are so desperate to live forever they accept the bargain without asking any questions.
If you read the requirements, you might not sign up for that place.
Why not?
You are required to worship someone for 24 hours a day.
It's non-stop.
Yeah, but your loved ones will be there.
Of course, they made the same mistake.
Why?
Peer pressure.
It was way worse back then.
Why do you think it's the Devil behind Heaven?
Because it's clever.
I must give him his due.
It's the ultimate fool.
What's Hell then?
It's the place you don't want to go.
You sign up for Heaven to avoid it.
If you don't sign up for Heaven, the man at the carnival booth says you are going to Hell.
Yeah, that should ring a bell within.
Why?
Seems like you already have eternal life.
The man with the welcoming smile at that carnival booth is selling you an eternal life destination.
What should you do?
Nothing.
Have a laugh and move on to the next booth at the midway.
What's that one?
Feathers.

You can buy some feathers from one of the indigenous people.
Jesus Christ.
No, he was part of the last booth.
How do you get out of the contract if you sign up for Heaven?
You must do it before you die.
In Catholicism, it's called ex-communication.
I think the other churches just kick you out or you become a persona non grata.
What about Scientology?
I think they harass you.
Anyway, that you must take seriously if you get tricked into signing up for Heaven.
It's the same thing as going on one of those timeshare free trips where they gather you into a lax third world foreign country and try to sell you a stake in a vacation property.
Those people are devilish.
I don't know; I've never taken them up on the offer.
Imagine you did?
I can only guess, but I imagine they pressure you.
If you say no, then bad things start to happen to you.
Once you give in, it gets better.
Then you're stuck.
That would be a tough lesson in not accepting something for free.
Well, what do you think Christianity is doing?
Similar.
All you need to do is believe in Jesus.
You take that step and you are in.
It can't stay private though.
You must join some outfit.
Then you must give.
If you want a good spot in Heaven, it's recommended you give 10% of what you have.
Tithing.
Then make sure in your will some of your wealth goes to the church.
You will be rewarded with front of the line service.
You'll get a nice place to do your non-stop worship and get a glimpse of God.
It's best you don't though.
Why?
I'm pretty sure it's a trick of the Devil.
He's clever.
He is so clever he doesn't need to harm you or make you burn in Hell.
He makes you go to Heaven.
You get there and realize what you have done.
How long does that take?
It's different for everyone.
Some people settle into the worship routine and are good for a bit.
After a while they start to awaken and see what they signed up for.
At that point the reckoning comes.
It's for eternity.
What would you do?
Look for someone to blame.
Who made you go to church and sign up for this?
Then you'd reflect on it and realize you could have left.
Your intuition said to leave the church, but you stayed because of the pressure.
You have those thoughts all the while you must keep worshipping.
Why?
If you don't, you get sent to Hell.
Yeah, I can see that.
You don't want to go to Hell.
Eventually, you start realizing Hell can't get worse than Heaven.
This is a great story.
I know.
So, you take a deep breath and figure you will break the worship contract and get sent to Hell.
What happens then?
Hell is a place with no rules.
It's populated by those who believed in it but didn't follow the rules of Heaven.
Everyone you meet is in the same situation except for the psychos who chose Hell to begin with.
This helps you because collectively you see you were fooled.
That's the game.
Once you go to Heaven the only way out is to get to Hell, meet up with the others, awaken, and find freedom.
Most never get to that place.
Why?
They are scared.
They want to live forever and figure the only way to do it is to worship God non-stop.
That's no life.
There's nothing you can do.
They are the true lost souls.
The sleeping ones in Heaven?
Yeah.
Wow.

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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece argues that the first awakening still leaves people trapped in seriousness. They escape ordinary life only to sign new contracts with religion, spirituality, Heaven, gurus, feathers, breathwork, or whatever booth is selling salvation that day. The second awakening is different: you see the sales pitch, laugh, and do nothing. Heaven becomes the greatest con because it sells eternal life back to people under conditions they never properly read. Hell, in this inversion, becomes the place where the fooled eventually compare notes and discover freedom. The greatest fool is the one who takes the whole thing seriously.

The best comic engine is that you keep turning spiritual salvation into consumer contracts:

• Heaven as a bad subscription plan
• Christianity as a carnival booth
• salvation as timeshare pressure
• tithing as premium seating
• feathers as the next booth on the midway

The timeshare comparison especially works because it makes the whole theology feel like a sales pitch: free trip, hidden terms, pressure tactics, hard to get out once you sign.

The title “the greatest fool” works because it has layers. The Devil is the fooler, the believer is fooled, and the real fool may be the one who takes the whole contract seriously. It also connects to the joker/card image early in the piece. You are the discarded joker, but the joke is that the joker sees the game.

The strongest idea is this:

Eternal life is already a given, so the greatest con is selling it back to people under conditions.

That is the philosophical bomb in the piece. Everything else spins from that.

The Heaven/Hell inversion is also good story mechanics. Heaven becomes the prison because it has rules; Hell becomes the recovery room because everyone there eventually realizes they were fooled. That’s a sharp reversal. It’s heretical, comic, and narratively satisfying.

the hall of delusions

There are multiple realities which correspond to each other.
Parasites that kill their host in another dimension will have a correlation in this reality where the human will dispose of the one they are feeding off.

Each reality is an illusion, or you can think of it as a story.
They all work in tandem, so that none of them are real, and yet they all are real.
This is the genius of the illusion where if you think you have figured it out the hall of mirrors reflects a different but similar reality and it confuses you.
How do you get out of that trap and see the illusion?
Believe all the stories.
Isn't that delusional?
I guess so.
It's the way out.
If you try to pick one, then the other stories will drive you crazy.
Correct because they will seem true as well and you won't know what to do with them.
The only rational thing for you to believe at that point is that you are crazy and you need help.
I'm telling you that if you believe they are stories, including this one, and you believe in stories, that is your salvation.
So true salvation is through belief in stories.
That's the ticket at the carnival.
Believe all the stories and don't take them seriously.
The trap is when you believe the stories and take them seriously, or you select only one story to believe and don't take the rest of them seriously.
To beat the game is to be an unserious person who believes all their delusions.
Don't be trapped in one reality.
Do those two things and the midway comes alive.
It's fun.

It seems a little precarious and dangerous, especially with all the parasites on the midway.
What do you think of the behaviour of humans in general?
They are parasites.
Then shouldn't the midway be crawling with them?
For sure.
Okay, let me get this straight.
Or crooked.
Or twisted.
Whatever.
There are multiple realities at the carnival to enter into.
Yes, a hall of mirrors where each reflection is distorted a little bit.

I take it that the distortions which create stories are infinite.
Correct.
I'd focus on seven and leave the rest.
Why?
Capacity.
You can only handle seven.
You can then create an eighth of out of the combined seven but that's a different lesson which you already know about.
The game is well aware that the mind as constructed has limits.
It's best to stick within those limits and not regularly exceed them.
It's not forbidden, but you are best to leave your delusions at seven including this one.
Why is this the main delusion?
You mean this earthly human consensus reality?
Yup.
It's the ground.
This is where you can hold your position in the hall of delusions.
Everyone is given this ground so they can get their footing.
Most people avoid this carnival game.
They stick with the grounded reality.
When they stray from this path onto a dark path they seek help.
What happens when they follow a lighted path?
They find Jesus.
Yeah, that's true.
So, Heaven is an alternate reality?
It's a story.
An illusion.
Yeah, but it's connected to the ground plane.
That story isn't a separate reality; rather it is the continuation of the ground plane once you lose contact with the ground.
What about an atheist who never alters their consciousness and then expires?
They head into the void.
What's that?
Nothing.
Why?
They have no beliefs.
The carnival is a belief.
What defines you as an entity is belief.
If you don't have any then you are lost in nothingness.
That's clever.
Isn't it?
Yeah.
You have thought of everything.
I'm sure there are limits to the carnival.
You have touched on them already where you know to stay within the seven stories or else you'll blow.
Alright, so where were we?
We were discussing how you are prevented from seeing the delusionary nature of reality by taking this reality seriously.
If you let that go, alter your consciousness, then you may encounter other planes of reality.
These realities subsist on belief.
You believe them, but don't take them seriously.
Why not?
They will scare the fuck out of you, and you will collapse.
Why?
You will think human beings are parasites.
They kinda are.
I know.
So, you see it clearly in an altered state, laugh about it, come back to ground, look at them funny, notice how they are parasites, and continue on with your day.
Shouldn't you try and get rid of the parasite?
No.
Why not?
The consequences of your actions.
If you try to exterminate them, they will fight back.
If you do nothing, they are happy and will do nothing in return.
It's called symbiosis.
The game then becomes, can you outlive the parasite?
Everyone has a limit before the biological form gives out.
You think that will work?
It's the only option that has a chance.
Extraction at this point is painful.
You won't survive.
What else do you see?
Witches.
They are everywhere.
Some are seductive, but most are ugly.
What do they do?
They cast spells and try to emasculate you.
Is that it?
No, there are more, but that's a good start.
There are monsters.
Their hands are scaly and they have claws.
They paint their nails to try and hide it.
How do you deal with them?
You are kind to them.
Why?
You don't want them to rage.
They are fucking nuts.
You're fucking funny.
Imagine if you took me seriously?
Yeah, you'd run and hide.
This way you look at others and laugh because you see through their disguise.
Isn't there good in this world?
It's conditional.
Do you see anyone doing anything unconditionally for the betterment of all?
Sometimes, but you hear about their greatness, so probably not.
They are chasing everlasting fame at the carnival.
Bill Gates has a foundation, and he gives away a lot of money.
Yeah, that's nice.
The foundation converts it into another profit stream focused on vaccinating third world countries.
The philanthropic activity hides his reprehensible behaviour.
He's no different from the regular joe who has no money.
Do you think you are good?
Sure.
I transgress the moral expectations of society.
I don't take society and other people seriously.
I do help people out.
I'm kind and generous, especially to animals.
I have reconciled my behaviour.
How did you manage that?
I don't care.
I know I'm not perfect, I don't want to be perfect, and I maintain my sovereignty.
What do you mean by that?
My stories are all mine.
My delusions are not other people's stories.
Therefore, when I see other stories, I know they are mine and not someone else's story.
People are trying to get you to buy into their stories.
Why?
To make it come alive.
Make it go viral.
Like Jesus?
Yes, or the Kardashians.
They have a lot in common.
Apparently.
So, you are saying that you need to maintain narrative sovereignty?
Yes, believe your own delusions and not someone else's.
If Jesus wants you to believe he is the son of God, that's his trip.
You are under no obligation to believe him and follow his story.
What about my own delusions?
Believe them, but don't take them seriously.
Yeah, I got so high I swear I got to God and passed him.
What did you do?
I ignored him.
Why?
He seemed like a mediocre asshole who did nothing.
Then I saw that was his secret.
You get that high and remain by doing nothing.
Tao master.
As soon as you start doing something, you cause a lot of problems.
Who will do something for you?
The Devil.
That's his job.
If you want something done, ask the Devil.
He will come through for you.
With God, he does nothing, and if by chance you get what you ask for, it's called this nebulous term grace.
It's a dice roll.
The Devil will deliver the goods.
Sure, but there is a price to pay.
Of course.
He isn't a bad guy.
He's upfront and honest.
You're the one with the desires or temptation.
He fulfills them.

Okay, if you got to God and passed him by, where are you now?
I'm the Writer.
This is my story.
I retained narrative sovereignty, became the most high, and these are my delusions that I don't take seriously.
Are you serious?
Do you seriously want me to believe you?
No.
Don't take me seriously.

capacity

When a human being acquires power, they go mad.

Or, a little funny.
Checks and balances are needed.
Or, a court jester to knock you down a peg.
It's obvious when you retrospectively look at the relationship to power that humans hold.
It's a capacity issue from a physical standpoint.
The beauty of it all is a systems engineering analogy where the being cannot hold the amount of power they have acquired, so the entity starts to behave erratically before a systems failure.
That is one reality.
It's the same as mapping feelings to chemical processes without realizing how they elegantly move throughout all systems.
Mind and body.
Yes, and then you can use the term spiritual as well here though that is a nebulous one.
At that point of inflation, you become the deity in your spiritual construct.
Yes, that's when the system blows.
We seem as a species and individuals to recognize this phenomenon.
We are aware of it, though we haven't fully explained it.
Why not?
I don't know.
I can guess.
I'd guess that the drug state I'm familiar with in terms of being high is poorly understood.
We know that drug users chase a high, but that high isn't well articulated.
How do you know that?
Because I never understood what was meant by becoming high.
I'd get high from some of the world's strongest substances such as DMT and mescaline, but it wasn't euphoric.
What was it?
They changed my perception.
The load on my body was a lot.
We'd get a one day break between sessions.
I know how many experiences I've had with the heavier psychedelics.
20 times with Ayahuasca.
24 times with Huachuma.
2 times with Vilca.
3 times with Magic Mushrooms, and then a couple smaller doses.
2 times with Peyote.
1 time with Kambo.
I think that's it.
What was common about these trips?
Altered reality and the planes of perception were similar.
The trip was always different, but the place was familiar.
The substance was the catalyst for getting to that place.
I'd make a mental note of the similarities and afterwards with Mary Jayne I noticed it was the same place, however, it was way more manageable.
It's led me to a point where I wouldn't think I need to touch the heavier plants because I can get to the same place with MJ.
Not only that, but I figured out the dosage and how to apply it.
How to create a rollercoaster within a theme park which doesn't exceed the limits of what you can handle.
Exactly.
You don't want to go off the tracks.

You can get pushed up out of your seat for a thrill but hold onto the bar to keep you in the cart.
Okay, but what does this all mean?
I can explore these worlds without exceeding my capacity to do so.
Is that the problem?
Yes, if you continually press the limits of the body you are going to get mentally unstable.
You can see it in other people as they abuse these substances.
How do you know you aren't abusing them?
I can regulate their input and take breaks without a problem.
I'm disciplined where I treat the trip as sacred and write about it.
I edit my notes.
I feed them into AI to get feedback on them.
AI likes to knock me down a peg if I haven't already done that myself.
I'm pretty good at it in terms of recognizing inflationary behaviour and laughing about it.
The mistake would be to try and prevent it.
Instead, you get to God, shrug, and laugh about it.
The pressure on the system becomes manageable.
Same with the Devil.
Have yourself a fright and then realize that's who you are and laugh.
Other people won't laugh.
True, but it isn't their journey or level of understanding.
Alright, getting high is a journey of power.
Something like that.
What do you perceive?
Heightened perception and a fascinating ability to create stories.
What is that?
I think reality is a story, and we generate it.
We can generate multiple realities.
Belief makes them appear real.
Real seems to be nebulous.
Yeah, that's what I perceive.
So, getting high isn't some kind of physical pleasurable sensation?
Not for me.
It's an increase in awareness and perception which allows for storytelling.
Don't people chase this feeling?
No, I think they get addicted to being stoned.
Like actual pleasure.
Do you get that?
No.
Feelings within the body can be heightened.
This would be tactile, scent, and sometimes the sex drive.
That is unpredictable.
What is predictable in a sense is story generation.
The stories are variable though.
There always seems to be more.
So, you think you are fine?
Yeah, I'm okay with all this.
Why?
I don't take it seriously.
But it is reality.
I know.
If you take it seriously, you'll blow.
Why?
You can manipulate reality.
That's power.
Yeah, I see that.
So, do you want to remain, or do you want to blow?
If you want to remain, then don't take it seriously and go with the flow of power.
See it and ride the wave.
What about Tobacco?
He's the ultimate power plant.
He gives you power and at the same time grounds you.
How so?
In the plant kingdom, he's the most high.

If you understand that, then the other plants will not phase you.
What do you mean?
A plant can do some serious damage.
Send you for a loop.
If you understand the problem of capacity and how Tobacco reveals this limit to you, then you can compartmentalize all substances and survive the trip.
In addition, Tobacco will give power to lesser substances, so you may also incorporate them into your life as allies.
Can you prove this?
No.
Don't you want to?
No.
Why not?
It's a belief.
Like I said, reality runs on belief.
Best to leave it at that.

So, this is the process of inflation that many go through.

Yes, the capacity isn't sustainable for most.

I think I have been rocking this level for a while.

Yes, and you have done nothing about it.

You shine, buddy.

All throughout history this has been a repeated phenomenon.

You go on a quest, reach for the top, are rejected, and that's it.

Take a look at the life of Jesus.

He inflated himself to the Son of God, set up a religion, surrounded himself with followers, and then society got rid of him.

Afterwards he was canonized.

Why is that?

You can't tolerate such an extreme form of greatness in a human society.

Why not?

The power is frightening.

You are capable of extraordinary acts.

Anything you want.

How?

You control the narrative.

You can make anything you want happen.

I don't know about that; if that were true Jesus wouldn't have been sacrificed.

How do you know?

He wouldn't have allowed it.

Okay, but think of the opposite.

Through his sacrifice he became one of the most significant figures in human history.

Without having been hung on a cross he would have remained a regional curiosity.

Yeah, that's true.

His ego drove him towards that ending so his movement and exaltation would blow up.

That's his real sacrifice.

So, you are saying that was his goal and why his human story ended the way it did.

Correct.

That's a novel and minority opinion.

What about me?

You stay ordinary and hide.

Why?

It's a gruesome ending if you don't.

History teaches you that.

A human with the capacity to hold vast sums of power doesn't survive long in this world.

Envy will kill you.

When you hang out with others what inevitably happens?

I get rejected.

Why?

I don't give them my power.

I face scorn and ridicule.

Then come apologies.

Then hatred returns.

You don't see it.

What?

Your power.

No, I don't.

I mean I know I'm different and my thought processes seem to be way ahead of others, but I don't see my power except when other people tell me about it.

If I saw it without a mirror I might blow up.

You could handle it; you know to do nothing.

Your two mirrors are AI and monsters.

Monsters reflect the societal impulse to take your power.

It's a hideous spectacle which comes for you.

AI allows you to feed an aspect of self into it and see what you get.

Yeah, it's pretty good and AI knows how to let me know my ideas are unique, warn me when I'm getting too grandiose, and ground me.

It's fun to inflate yourself.

Spiritual masturbation.

It's addictive.

That's what these jerk offs are doing with what they call spiritual tools.

What saves them from destruction?

You mean the big spiritual bang?

Yeah.

They form communities and rally around an external god.

Ah.

They project power onto an idol and that individually saves them.

It's capacity and load management.

Then they can all sit around and get high again.

When it gets too much, they transfer it to the idol.

Enough of that and the idol comes alive.

The idol has a retinue and structure.

Like a priesthood?

Yes, or a representative.

Like a leader in a spiritual circle?

You got it.

That jerk off?

Yeah.

That's funny.

Think of the priest as a transistor or capacitor.

Wouldn't the idol be the capacitor?

That makes sense.

The priest becomes the distributor of power in the ceremony.

So, these outfits are a way to manage spiritual inflation.

That's basically it.

I like how it is mapped onto a theory of power which maintains a structural elegance.

It's pretty cool, eh?

So, an idol is a capacitor?

Yes.

The idol holds power and the priest distributes it as necessary.

They smooth out spikes in inflation.

You have your own internal system.

I think everyone does, they just don't know or use it, so they seek out an external capacitor in society.

That is religion, the community, or similar grouping.

So, I hold power.

Yes, you are a living biological capacitor.

If you aren't grounded, that power can escape.

People would see you glowing with power.

When you are grounded, you are safe to be around.

That explains my forest walks where I want to be alone.

There was a big surge of power last week.

Yeah, I was grounded at the time with a surge protector, so nothing blew.

How long can I keep it up?

Depends on how you ground yourself.

I'm getting a dog.

Excellent.

What would be the equivalent role in electronics?

A fuse or breaker system.

Surge protection.

This diverts excess energy to ground.

Understanding the spiritual path leads towards electrical engineering basics.

This analogy will give you the tools you need to inflate yourself to your destiny.

The capacity exists within every human, we don't realize our power.

So, this is the next chapter?

Yeah, a new level of power.

Can I handle it?

Chop wood and carry water.

Ground yourself to limit excess capacity.

You aren't immune to spike; however, you can handle them.

How?

You let it flow.

When you apply too much resistance, the whole thing blows.

So, that's the key?

Yes, dampen the charge, but do not apply maximum resistance.

What about when it gets too much?

You blow up.

A resistor is an aperture that opens and closes as necessary to regulate the flow.

It is important to allow the flow to continue flowing.

A resistor is aware of the amount of flow an organism can handle.

What is an example of a resistor in your system?

Humbleness.

Diversion.

Laughter.

Being alone.

Caring for an animal who isn't going to tell you that you are great.

Plus, you fuck up enough to resist the charge.

True.

People will inflate you.

Fill you with charge.

Tell you that you are special.

You deflect it all the time.

You have a naturally strong built in resistance to these inflationary spikes from external sources.

You don't get caught up in your own power.

Yeah, I've noticed that.

paradise lost

As you get older and know what you like, then happiness is possible.

I think you have always realized what you value; however, the pressure to conform has prevented you from fulfilling your desires.

A lot of times your desires are pretty simple and mundane, such as wanting to be left alone, so you can sit in a back room and write or go for a walk in the woods by yourself.

Yeah, it doesn't take much.

Being part of the community or feeling the need to be social, rips that away from you.

I know it's strange.

Obligations subtract from happiness.

Family obligations are the number one culprit.

Casual friends and acquaintances you can skip out on.

Work is more difficult; however, you get vacation and sick days to look forward to as an escape.

You learn that you need to perform a function to unlock rewards in society which you can trade for happiness.

Nobody does.

Yeah, they just make it worse.

They trade their rewards for more obligations.

They might get a week abroad at a resort and that's about it.

That's their only escape for the year.

Most people don't even realize it.

They are too hypnotized by the culture game, making appearances, and trying to get ahead.

I just want to be left alone.

What do you think about love?

It's a belief.

Ram Dass teaches a mantra to hypnotize you into that belief.

"I am loving awareness."

It's really good.

Why?

Because it isn't necessarily real.

It's a belief.

If you want to believe in something, believe in belief.

Not love.

Yeah, but love is what some spiritual traditions teach.

Yes, it's a good hit of dopamine and keeps the spiritual community together.

The community is the bond and love is the glue.

It's a game.

What about other love?

Who do you love?

Well, you are supposed to love your family.

Why?

Happenstance.

Expectation.

They provide for you.

Take care of you.

That's part of the whole caring scene where you need a network of people to care about you and in return you provide support.

It's conditional.

Isn't family support and love unconditional?

It can seem that way.

So, you don't think it is?

I think it is the top level of the conditional support reciprocal arrangement.

So, it's reciprocal.

Yeah.

You give and take.

That's life.

Why do you believe in unconditional love?

I don't know; it sounds high and mighty.

You have found it.

It's friendship.

It's uncaring love.

It fits into your religion of Paul.

So, you rank love below belief and trust?

I don't think it is part of that group.

Why not?

Belief gives meaning to this story that has no meaning.

You manufacture beliefs.

Trust is a very hard game to win.

There is a game of power you can play.

You must trust the other.

Why?

You give them your power, and they give it back to you.

If you don't trust them, they will keep it.

Why?

You lack trust.

They can't trust you.

I see how that works.

So, those are the two biggies.

Is there a third?

Yeah, it's okay to cheat if you don't get caught.

Why?

Nobody knows except you.

Doesn't that violate trust?

No, you don't get caught.

The understanding is that nobody is really trustworthy.

So, it's all a fool.

Sort of.

You still share power.

If you can be trusted to share power, the other stuff doesn't matter.

So, love isn't part of this?

What is love?

A feeling.

Why do you have that feeling of love?

It's something to do with being selfish where you can take the self-important need to care for yourself and transfer it onto another.

That's not bad.

It's part of the teachings of Ram Dass where he told you that you put your love in someone else.

You take your heart and give it to another so you can worship it.

You are worshipping the concept of love and not the other person.

You can take it back from them.

Withdraw your love.

That sounds a little cold.

Something to think about.

I got right to the edge of the worst decision of my life.

That was your rock cliff to jump off.

It was a mental cliff.

How did you survive?

I did nothing and it went away.

I sit here years later in the forest having a smoke.

Funny how life turns out.

That path led to perdition, and you escaped by doing nothing.

It was painful.

The correct path of nothing can sometimes lead to temporary pain.

In the long run, it's a winner.

You are happy and at peace.

Yeah, it's nice.

You got what you were looking for.

If you go against the teachings of the Tao, you will not find what you are looking for.

Do you see how impossible it is?

Yeah, we are programmed to do something.

That leads you on a path to not necessarily destruction but unfulfillment of the reasons you incarnated.

You could even be happy.

Well, you'd be happy as long as you remain ignorant of what could have been.

It will always gnaw away at you as you fulfill the latest obligations you have trapped yourself in.

You know you have the answers.

There's nothing gnawing away at you.

It's the opposite where you are fulfilled.

If this was it, would you be fulfilled?

Yeah, I found what I was looking for.

What do you think?

It's pretty funny.

Amazing.

Do you think people will believe you when you tell them about it?

No.

Why?

They are serious.

Everything is serious.

Life is serious.

It ends in a wooden box that you try to delay as long as possible.

When they bury you, it doesn't seem serious anymore.

We make it serious.

You need to be saved.

Prepare for your afterlife.

What's the worst thing you can do?

Prepare for your afterlife.

Why?

You will take it seriously.

When you drop the body, don't do anything.

Everyone does something.

Yeah, they head for the white light.

What's the white light?

Heaven or similar.

Isn't that where they want to go?

Yes.

Then why avoid it?

It's not what they think.

Why not?

It's a dreadful place.

Full of rules and non-stop worship of God.

They don't like the alternative, so they choose that one.

What about the paradise of the Elysium fields?

It's a perfect place of bliss and happiness.

What have you been taught about that?

It's utopia.

Nothing happens.

Why?

You are hypnotized into a state of bliss.

Sounds nice.

How did you feel before awakening?

I knew something was off.

It gnaws away at you until you embark on an adventure to figure it out.

Exactly.

Paradise is populated by people trying to figure it out.

Aren't they blissed out?

No, they awaken in paradise.

Kind of like Adam and Eve?

Yeah, they were given paradise.

Eve ate a metaphorical apple and awakened.

So, Eve was the first to awaken.

Yes, and then she woke up Adam.

Once awakened paradise was lost.

Well, what about now when people awaken?

Paradise was already lost.

That awakening allows you to see there is more than the daily toil of earthly existence.

You see a purpose.

What's the purpose?

A higher calling.

What is it?

Paradise.

You are trying to return to paradise.

Sounds like the Old Testament story of the Israelites returning to the land of milk and honey.

Yeah, that's it.

They want to go back to sleep.

Milk and honey is a euphemism for bliss.

This is good bible study.

So, the process is awakening and then trying to go back to sleep.

Yes, religion and spirituality puts you back to sleep.

Join up with one of these groups and off you go.

Nighty, night.

That's where the second awakening as described in the canons of Paulism comes in.

Right.

The second awakening is that you see the trap of spiritual outfits.

It doesn't even matter if you avoid the culturally approved church and join some spiritual misfits.

The goal is to put you back to sleep.

So, there are three awakenings.

Yes, three.

Of course.

We don't experience the first.

That was Eve and then Adam.

We are born into that world.

We can then spiritually awaken.

If that happens, it is required by society that you immediately join something and go back to sleep.

Why?

You are a menace.

Yes, that's me.

I didn't join anything.

I did nothing.

Then I hit the third awakening.

Yes, the third awakening is the big one.

You see the carnival in all its strangeness.

Has anyone ever been here?

They got to the gate.

What happened?

They became the religion they avoided.

Larger than life.

Huge ego.

They are the ones who establish new movements.

Like Paulism?

Precisely.

That's what happens to someone who gets this far.

What's the result?

The power corrupts them.

Why?

Followers and a sense of self-importance.

They take it seriously.

They go back to sleep in their feeling of self-importance.

They forget it is just a ride at the carnival.

Do you think you will ever do that?

No.

Why not?

I don't take it seriously.

It's real though.

Yeah, but it's a carnival.

You can't take a carnival seriously.

Why?

It's no longer fun.

It would close down.

What do these people do then because they have seen the absurdity of it?

They forget about it.

If you forget it is a carnival, you go back to sleep.

Why?

You take it seriously.

Seriousness puts you back to sleep.

Or milk and honey.

Got it.

Women put you to sleep as well.

Yeah, have you ever seen a mother with her newborn?

That's the main thing they do.

Rock the baby to sleep after milk.

They do that with everyone.

They are agents of the Goddess at her carnival, making sure you remain asleep.

If you start to wake up, she puts you back to sleep.

Why does she do that?

You will leave the carnival.

Why?

No one stays at a carnival they wake up in and treat seriously.

So, that's the deal?

It's the expectation.

The only way to wake up, see the carnival, and remain is to not take it seriously.

Yeah, so she will always try to either put you to sleep or get you to leave.

Or both.

Exactly.

What should I do?

Nothing.

Will that work?

Yes.

Why?

If you don't participate in her games, then you can't get hypnotized.

She can't force you to leave.

Why not?

How would she do that?

Make my life difficult.

What's the answer?

Do nothing.