reciprocal exercise

He rubbed my nose in it. We used to do this to puppies when house training them. If they took a dump in the house we’d put their nose in the shit in order that they learn not to crap anymore on the carpet. I bring up this turn of phrase because it is in essence what my shadow did to me. I was weak when I first met him and I was so scared of his presence I ran away like a coward. Subsequently, when he told me truths about the world I recoiled from what he was telling me or I just flat out rejected the assertions. He was my adversary and I thought he was deceitful so I discarded what he said. The behaviour was reflexive on my part because he was so frightening and I just didn’t want to hear him out. Now I know better and am all ears.

So, what did he rub my nose in? Well, on multiple occasions in ceremony he’d show me all the darkness and greed attached to plant medicines. A plant like Ayahuasca is an energetic sponge and will soak up the energy and intentions of those around her. My shadow kept telling me she is not pura medicina. He would tell me the operators of these retreat centres were mostly in it for the money. They are retreats designed for affluent westerners and no local would get their “healing” from a place such as this. Those with integrity would balance their higher intentions with business but make no mistake as income generators there are many hands with a stake in the enterprise. He told me they use people to further their outreach as it is free advertising. The visions and thoughts I had regarding this state of affairs were very slimy and unnerving. I didn’t like that at all and was very troubled by them. My visions became tainted by this knowledge and I had to learn to let it go. It was difficult to reconcile the pursuit of higher consciousness with the paradigm of profit. I chalked up the visions to a darkness within the medicine as opposed to an energetic component that parasitically attached to the remedy and I did my best to avoid going back to those strange places of consciousness. I reconciled commerce and spiritual retreats and I was okay with it as long as there was no hard sell. Employees must be paid and food doesn’t show up on one’s plate for free.

Within social constructs there is always one person who is able to generate wealth and from them it flows outwards. They are power centres that attract followers. Huachumon perfectly explained this to me while I was in the Andes mountains of Ecuador in late 2017. You play within the system, generate wealth, and people gravitate towards you. Obviously, the problem arises when the person at the head of the construct can no longer function in that role; in the case to which I’m referring they balance greed, insecurity, and a business genuinely interested in raising consciousness. This creates a vacuum and power is transferred to someone else whose intentions could be primarily revenue generation and they base all decisions upon this sentiment, sprinkled in with a mistrust of others. When the stresses of life come and mark my words they will, it will reveal their true intentions. It will be reflected in the plant medicines and this new vibe will permeate the surroundings.

My shadow repeatedly warned me to not get attached. Maintain your freedom as you never know what’s around the corner. The events that lately have transpired vindicate what he was showing and teaching me. I’m sure it happens on such a regular basis he just laughs and re-runs the same script over and over. I guess I need to look inwards and put myself in the situation. What would I do? Would I sell out and make selfish decisions, not caring about the fallout, and be unable to see the consequences of my actions? Perhaps I am off-base because I’m privileged to have been born in a part of the world where prosperity and generating income hasn’t been a problem. I’m far enough along this path I’ve seen some things. I could trade in my influence and knowledge for power which I could convert into riches. I was offered this deal. I have been all along seeking out knowledge and have sat at the feet of the great teacher and grasped what he was saying. If you want power he will give it to you. Just ask. There’s this wonderful and feel good word he throws around called reciprocity. You ask for something and in return you offer up something. You take and you give back. That’s how it works. It’s so sanguine and one of those next level spiritual concepts that makes everything so glorious. Reciprocity. Such an enlightened way of thinking.

Ha ha. Ask of your shadow and it’s yours. Here you go. Are you going to keep your end of the bargain you just made? Yeah, I didn’t think so. No one told you about the consequences, did they? It’s best not to take if you aren’t willing to fulfill your end of the agreement. Reciprocity doesn’t seem so grand when the collector shows up at your door for payment.

I lead a charmed life and stumble onto and past obstacles on the spiritual path. I loved the concept of reciprocity when I listened to the elucidation of its ideals of fairness and equity. I once asked the Great Goddess to tell me the answer to a question I had wondered about all my life. In short time, she told me the answer. In return, I promised I’d write a book about it. I’m done the book. Paid in full. I tested my shadow out a few times with trivial asks in exchange for becoming his student. It all worked out. I have no debts and I don’t plan to incur any. My only asks of plant medicines involve the raising of consciousness and in exchange I will write about it. I wanted to conquer my fears and develop courage and bravery. I was shown love and my heart was ripped open. I seek knowledge and set out on a path to become a spiritual warrior. All these qualities I wished to acquire I have been blessed with their bestowment. In return, I am working towards becoming a healer and raising the level of consciousness in this world for the good of all. I seek not fame, fortune, or self-aggrandizement. I fulfill my obligations, sometimes with aplomb and sometimes I am a miserable failure. However, the intention remains. I see many fall off the path or gravitate away from it. Taking a deep dive into the reasons, I’m sure it has to do with reciprocity or even trying to escape fulfilling your contractual obligations as us human scoundrels are predisposed to do.

When you play the long game, you can see it. The reciprocal outcomes are tangible and fair; so much so that the plant medicine path can be described as an exercise in reciprocity.