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Showing posts with label lust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lust. Show all posts

Monday, March 30, 2026

silent lucidity

Fear.
Power.
Madness.
Lust.
Are these your four enemies of a man of knowledge?
Could be.
I swapped out Carlos CastaƱeda's clarity and death for madness and lust.

Late Paul would be approaching the end of the world stories.
The world does seem to be on the brink, but that's been the way it is for a while now.
Yeah, we tend not to notice that the story is barely keeping it together.
For the most part, we go about our daily lives without concern.
The end of the world scenario is a possibility.
Or, it could be the end of a civilization with another one ready to assume power.
The ruling empire is finite.
Those in power find a way to continue on.
Maybe that's what they have mastered from the lessons of history.
The empire will collapse, prepare for it, and transition to the next power centre.
From observation, what do you gather?
The scramble to preserve wealth in vehicles that will maintain value through the transition.
Like gold and works of art.
There would be a move away from investments backed by fiat currencies that have no intrinsic value.
The value is from the stability of the issuing country, so if things get unstable, the currency will become unstable.
Then all your wealth goes poof.
What does the average person do?
I think you panic.
Bad times are ahead.
Is there anything you can do?
I looked into buying ETFs of gold and saw it was a bad idea in terms of a hedge against systemic collapse.
Why?
The gold system is manipulated the same way as the dollar system.
If you think fractional reserve banking is a house of cards, you should check out gold.
Apparently, it's 500 to 1 by some estimates.
It's called paper gold.
The only true hedge is physical custody of the gold you own.
That is hard to do.
Fees, storage, transport, insurance, and lots of red tape.
Why?
Fiat gold.
If everyone wanted their piece of the metal, the system would collapse.
Gold is probably worth 500x its price.
I think the proper accounting is that your investment in gold is worth 500x less than the price because when the system collapses and you get your share, it will be a little crumb and not the whole cookie you thought you were entitled to.
Can't you then sue for what you are owed?
Sure.
You may even win.
How will you collect on something that doesn't exist?
That's an interesting koan.
So, what do you do?
Live in the now.
The future is unpredictable, and if you want my opinion, it doesn't appear to be rosy.
If you wait, there might not be anything left to wait for.

You are in late Paul because you went through the steps.
You conquered fear.
You survived the tests of power.
Madness did not collapse you.
Fulfillment of lustful desires has appeared.
That one is contained through doing nothing, though it remains a challenge.
Rather than reading it as a marker to your demise, as in you have finished the journey and are expected to leave, it just means your game piece is at the end of the board.
You already knew that.
You knew you had traversed the length of the game you were playing.
When that happens, the game board comes to an end.
The natural inclination is that it is game over.

Ever notice that no one questions that?
Like in Monopoly when you end up owning everything and bankrupting your opponents, the game ends.
Or in cribbage when you reach 121 points, the game stops.
Why?
I don't know.
That's what was decided.
What if you ignore the arbitrary end?
I think that's where you are.
You reached the end of your game and ignored all the people and signs who told you it was over.
Yeah, that's weird, eh?
You wake up at the end of the game, you could substitute a dream for a game here and realize that's it.
The dream is over and it is time to leave.
So, this is now the lucid dreaming stage?
That's a good analogy.
Do you think don Howard asked you that question to determine if you wake up, could you remain?
I don't know his motivation for asking that question.
I tend to think he knew much more than he let on.
Why?
I think he realized it was time for him to go, and he hung onto the dream as long as possible by being of service.
Once he could no longer do that and the body broke down, he had to go.
The breakdown of the body gets everyone.
No exceptions.
You can stay mentally ensconced in the dream if you are skilled until finally the vehicle within the dream expires.
So, I guess if you want to stay as long as possible, you need to focus on maintenance of the body.
That is correct.
What's the best way to do that?
That's a tough question.
I'd simplify it.
Avoid cosmetic alterations.
Avoid quick fixes.
The strategy would involve choosing things that are beneficial in the long run that don't have a lot of immediate effects.
You want change or improvement to be gradual, so it doesn't shock the system.
Anything that shocks the system is met with an inverse corollary response in order to return to homeostasis.
So, the key is balance?
Yeah.

Silent lucidity.
Yeah, that seems to be the stage I've reached.
The only way to hold it is to not discuss it.
Aren't I discussing it?
With yourself.
Is that allowed?
You must tell someone.
Why?
It's too big a secret to try and contain.
So, you tell your other half.
You mean Dion?
Yeah.
What if I write about it?
No one reads it.
A few people do.
Yeah, but they think you're a crackpot, so it's all good.
So, I can write that I have awakened in the dream and am still playing along and no one will care.
That's correct.
But that's the big takeaway.
That's earth shattering news.
You can awaken in the game, ignore the ending, and stick around.
Yeah, no one will care.
Why?
They are living their own lives, and you are a nut.
Don't knock it.
It's the way to keep going.
If they can easily see you are fucking around in this strange reality, they will tell you to leave.
I already experienced that.
What did you do?
I had to laugh and ignore it.
What would you do now?
Laugh.
What else can you do?
Ignore it.
Certainly not take their advice.
That's game over.
To continue to play is to laugh at people or ignore them.
Won't that invite scorn?
Sure.
It's also an invitation to counsel them.
I wouldn't directly teach them awakening.
I'd couch it in mystery.
Why?
If you tell them the truth, they will hate you.
Why?
You won the game and you didn't leave.
It's very disconcerting.
Why is that?
A winner departs for the next level.
That's what we are conditioned to believe.
There's no rule that states that.
It is an expectation.
You defy expectations.
I most certainly do.
I am unique in that regard.
No one understands me, nor will they ever.
It's a big factor in wanting to be left alone.
I get funny looks from those trying to understand me.
Then I must somehow navigate the situation, get them to move on, and resume trying to fit in.
That about sums it up.

Monday, September 15, 2025

codependent remembering

Do you think Paul is Osiris and Dion is Set?
It adds up.
Are you sure?
No.
Paul needs to be remembered like Osiris.
He needs to be symbolically mummified, so he remains forever.
It's called by the ancient Egyptians Djet time.
It's continuous in a linear fashion where you aren't coming and going.
Paul is temporary.
He is an expression of the cyclical power that comes and goes.
If you aren't remembered, you are done.
Are you going to be remembered?
Yes.
How?
Dion, the writer, will remember me.
Why?
I played the part of God, and I did it so well he had to take notice.
Your delusions are legendary.
I know, right?
Set is the great separator.
He creates a new coming forth of energy.
So, he is eternal?
Yes, but his energy comes and goes.
It's the life force.
The ancient Egyptians called it Neheh time.
Cyclical, like all the celestial objects in the sky.
It's the expression of Dionysos as the eternal return.
So, Set and Dionysos are the same?
They are different systems which explain what is.
Egyptian and Greek.
You will find parallels, but never a match.
Why?
Cultural influences on pure knowledge.
To teach, you must bring these ideas to life.
Eventually, the student will understand the concepts if they personify them.
As I understand it, we are emanations of Set's power which appear and disappear.
To achieve eternal life is to be remembered.
Yes.
By who?
The writer.
Who's the writer?
You are.
Who am I?
Paul and Dion.
Apollo and Dionysos.
You both write.
Yeah, but Paul needs to be remembered.
So does Dion.
How is he remembered?
Oh, that's difficult.
It takes a lot of study, then you go on ridiculous adventures around the world, examine so many ideas of life from other cultures, synthesize them, and try to formulate an understanding.
When all that fails, you do drugs.
What kind of drugs?
Psychedelics.
How do they work?
You must treat them as sacred bestowers of knowledge.
Consciousness technology.
You treat this knowledge as a gift and integrate all your lessons.
You don't abuse the privilege.
You remain humble and shut the fuck up.
If you survive the tests thrown your way, you may one day get understanding.
What is the power of the writer?
Eros.
Lust.
What is lust?
The ability to write a story.
So, Dion will remember Paul?
Yes, if not, Paul is in purgatory waiting to be reanimated.
Paul is now integral to the story.
How so?
He can remember Dion.
That's what makes him special.
Dion is lost without Paul.
By having Paul around, Dion is always remembered.
By having Dion around, he always remembers Paul.
It's a buddy system.
They need each other.
What did Dion do before Paul?
Oh, he was lost to the dustbin of history.
A curiosity.
Paul made him come alive.
How?
I already told you.
In the end he took a lot of drugs.
So, you're saying to take a lot of drugs?
No, that will be your end.
Well, how did you manage?
I integrate all my trips and am thankful for the opportunity.
How would someone else do what you did?
Um, I don't think they can.
Why?
It takes a special kind of crazy.

What's the connection of Osiris to Horus?
Horus is Osiris remembered.
His son in the myth.
Horus is the coming forth of Osiris again.
Isn't that a product of cyclical time?
Well, yes, this plane of reality is defined by time which is created by motion.
It's a bunch of cycles where you come forth and go away.

Your remaining years in this body can be full of adventures.
For sure.
Go with the flow and it will fulfill your destiny.
Go against the flow and you change your story.
Your destiny will crash upon the rocks of the shores of Odysseus' Sirens.
Yeah, okay, Homer.

Monday, September 1, 2025

beyond the carnival

Black holes are monsters.
They devour everything in sight.
Do you know anyone like that?
Yeah.
It's in all women.
When they are full, we are in non-duality.
Then they explode.
That's why we have creation, and why the writer is considered a misogynist.
The Great Goddess turns into a black hole which devours the universe until she gets so fat she explodes and creates again.
That's why she is said to have given birth.
She's a non-stop eater.
I was tasked to write the story of the Great Goddess.
This is her creation story.
She constantly creates by getting so fat she gives birth.
Aren't you describing pregnancy?
Yes.
They devour a man in order to give birth.
They take your vital energy as seed for their child.

Why don't you care about world events?
I used to.
I never got anywhere with it.
People seek power, and reality on the world stage is one big soap opera.
It sucks you in.
It never ends.
They replace the actors, and it keeps going.
I learned not to care.
It seems crass to turn a blind eye to suffering and the destruction of the environment.
Without the destruction of the environment, we'd destroy ourselves.
We are hellbent on destruction.
The environment may bring us together.
Before that cause, we had world wars.
As a species climate change and environmental destruction is central to our survival.
That's twisted maestro.

What happens when you care?
It stresses you out and kills you.
Stay young by not caring.
Women get fat when they are stressed.
They devour your energy.
If you are in a sexual relationship with them, it's a double drain.
They are taking all your resources.
Your energy must go somewhere, and they feed off it.
Women are energy vampires.
That's why you must make sure they are fed, if not they will want to devour you.
Well, you don't get too close to her.
Exactly.
If you get close to them, they will start to eat you.
She will take all she can.
Like a chipmunk?
Yes, women don't know when to stop eating.
Fuck, lol.
Is that why they are killers?
I don't know.
I don't know if their hunger makes it seem like they are killers, or the energy drain is to satisfy their blood lust.
Well, if they were killers wouldn't they just kill you by any means possible for a cheap thrill?
Yeah, but they don't want to get caught.
They will try to poison you, but they know society is on to that behaviour, plus, they don't want to risk the whole witch hunt thing again.
Men start mysteriously dying and you know there's a witch around.
The methods they use are not detectable.
They use sex and stress to drain your energy.
They put the squeeze on you like a serpent.
Anaconda?
Exactly.
They mindfuck you to stress your mind, so it is easier to feed off your energy.
The energy doesn't dissipate, they take it.
They take your vital life force with sex.
They spend your money, so you stress about your financial situation.
They can't help it.
So, it's biological.
They will always revert to this behaviour.
You're describing a monster.
Why do men put up with it?
Biology.
Men need to expend their energy, or they become destructive.
They go to the gym and play sports.
Men regenerate their life force by expelling it.
I am going to teach a course one day on Dionysos and the eternal return.
Google it.
I'll wait.
How do you know this?
You must live it and then try to understand it.
Men need to expel their energy, and women want to absorb it.
That's how women create life.
Without men they can't do it.
Biology.
Right.
So, are women biological killers like a praying mantis or black widow, or is that a byproduct of needing to take men's energy?
Well, look at men.
What do men do if they don't expel their energy?
They get violent.
Start wars.
They are very destructive.
So, a man is a killer as well.
Yes, if they don't get rid of their energy.
So, a man is a monster as well.
I use the term beast.
Right.
So, it's lust.
Correct.
The energy a man needs to expel is lust and a woman absorbs it.
So, lust makes a woman a monster and a man a beast.
Yes, it's not biological and they are not natural born killers.
Lust is the reason for the behaviour.
What if there was no lust?
Nothing would happen.
So, non-duality.
Yes.
Non-duality is absent lust.
Lust is the child.
Eros.
There is non-duality because there is no child.
The child is within the one.
The first principle of life is lust.
Well, this is a helluva teaching.
It's because you reasoned it out.
You took the idea of a woman as a monster and figured out the reason behind creation.
I am imagining non-duality and how the first moment post non-duality is the appearance of lust.
You see it.
Doesn't the cycle continue due to narcissism?
Yes, you want to know you are in non-duality, so you need to look at yourself in non-duality.
Eros appears and then the writer writes the Goddess' idea.
Eros is the first principle.
The child creates their parents.
The parents then have the child.
Eros is an idea and the parents are physical.
Then they create children.
When Eros appears in the story then you know you are nearing the end of the story because they will be the last thing before we enter into non-duality again.
I thought every child is an appearance of Eros.
Yes, but not the prophesied one.
Right.
The special one.
The son of God.
You mean of the writer playing God.
Paul?
Dion?
Both?
Whose kid is he anyway?
I think it is joint custody.
I think we are both responsible for impregnating the Goddess.
Paul liked her and Dion wanted to bang her.
Paul still likes her, and Dion must explain how she is a monster.
Yeah, but we are both responsible.
I'm not taking full responsibility.
As you shouldn't.
As best friends, how about we just split custody at 50-50?
Seems reasonable.

In ancient Egypt this child is Nefertem.
You can see it now.
There is an iconic artifact from the tomb of the boy pharaoh Tutankhamen with him as Nefertem rising up out of the lotus as the first principle of creation.
The lotus is non-duality.
The first principle from the lotus is the appearance of the beautiful androgynous Atum of the Ennead of Heliopolis.
Atum becomes the masculine Shu and the feminine Tefenet as heat and moisture.
From them we get Nut and Geb who are the personification of the sky and earth.
Their children are Isis, Osiris, Nephthys, and Set.
Through the Ennead we get all the way to the baby Horus.
Nefertem comes again.
The return of lust.
Eros.

When you head towards death you see a bright white light.
Is that part of the explosion?
The body is a concentration of energy which creates form.
It's a similar process to a black hole in which you need to be able to attract and hold energy.
The strength at what you can do this creates form.
The Great Goddess can absorb all the energy in the universe into her cavernous black hole.
Now, now.
She wants to devour it all.
What?
Energy.
She feeds off energy.
For a man to generate energy, he must be free.
When you are free of the body, you see free energy.
Yes, the white light.
White light is energy which is free, and the darkness is enslaved energy.
Dark matter is all the energy which holds creation together.
It's the Goddess' attractive power.
She attracts energy to create form.
That energy is dark energy which is called by scientists, dark matter.
You need tension between the two to create life.
Too much dark energy and it becomes non-duality.
The light separates it.
Your body is formed by this tension.
Youthfulness is from concentration of your energy.
Tight skin and firm muscles.
As it breaks away you show signs of aging.
Aging is the way a body shows how energy strives to be free.
Once it becomes free it starts the journey back to form.
So, the body is my essence in form.
Correct.
This is how you envision your energy.
As you free yourself from the body you picture yourself as wise while others can become decrepit.
So, it's all in how you view yourself?
Yes.
If you think you are wise, you will look wise.
If you think you are crazy, you will look crazy.
If you think you are old and frail, then that's how you look.
How do you think you look?
Wise and young for my age.
It fits.
Sometimes a little crazy.
I will grant you that.

If I change up my topics of thought, I can come up with a lot of stuff.
Yes.
I see why people would do this for work.
Take something to alter their consciousness and then brainstorm ideas.
That's like a form of magic.
Yeah, you see it where you become a man of knowledge.
You realize you can get whatever knowledge you want through the substance.
You'd get addicted to knowledge.
You'd want to be on the drug 24/7 because you'd want to know everything.
I'll leave it alone and go with the flow.
I think you must, or you'd go crazy.
You can't be in the state permanently.

Kali stands over a subdued Shiva to show how women's power concentrates a man's energy into form.
At death, a man escapes.
Yes, her illusion.
You call her a fat monster whose energy is an illusion.
You are not very nice.
The forms she creates are real.
They feel real at the carnival but when you leave the body you see it isn't you.
It is you.
The mistake is thinking the body dies.
It transforms.
The scarab beetle teaches you that.
Ancient Egyptian Kheper means transformation.
Your energy goes into and out of form.

There's always more.
How do you know when it's okay to say this is how it is?
Like saying if you identify with the body, you will be afraid of death.
Yes.
And then you taught me today that the body is your essence and it transforms back.
What I consider the mind is an illusion as well.
No.
Why?
The mind is always present.
You have a body and don't have a body.
The mind is always present.
Are you sure?
Maybe you need a body to have a mind?
Maybe you should identify with the body.
Maybe that's why they mummified remains.
Interesting.
When I go to sleep, my mind is free.
Therefore, I'd say when you drop the body your mind is the freest.
Yes, but do you know it's you?
I think so.
How?
The other half tells you.
Without the other half you wouldn't know.
How does that work?
Your other mind tells you that you are a mind that is independent of the body.
The other mind does this when you don't have a body in order that you recall who you are and then in a body your other mind will tell you that you don't need to identify with the body.
The body is the flowering of your energy.
It's you.
Here's your parents DNA codes so you get to make a form and then flower how you would in that form.
You need the two to know this.
You tell each other who you are.
You can't remember who you are, but you can remember who other people are.
Yes.
So, that's the trick.
You create two minds, so you tell each other who you are, and this keeps you going forever.
Yeah, so your other half tells you you're God and you tell him that he is the Devil.
That's clever.
Is that who we are?
Yes, but it's true of everyone.
They just never get to the point of fully awakening.
Fully awakened means you tell your other mind he is the Devil, and he tells you that you are God.
That's a good summary.
Other shit happens along the way but that sums it up.
I'll buy this story.
Fully awake is knowing you're God and knowing the other half of you is the Devil.
That's the two.
Paul and Dion, if you want.
Whatever you want to call them.
So, the writer is the Devil.
Yes, until you realize you're the writer, then you are the writer.
The power is the writer, right?
Yeah, you pass him around.
He's a little loose.
I can see that.
So, that's the power the witches want.
Yes, the writer.
Witches don't know what your power is, but they could see they wanted it.
Okay, so that's what happens when a man is fully awake.
What about a woman?
I don't know, I'm not a woman.
Only they could tell you.
What do you think?
There are a witch and a Goddess in them.
A fully awake woman would know both.

The ancient Egyptians mummified to cover all their bases.
Yeah, why not?
If you don't let go of attachment to the body, the mummy was waiting for you perfectly preserved.
It also honours your incarnation.
That was your form when you entered this plane.
You are going to recognize yourself.

Opening your mind leads you on a path towards knowing all.
It's Carlos CastaƱeda's man of knowledge.
When you drop the body and completely free your mind, you will know it all.
So, while you are in a body you enjoy the game you're playing with limited knowledge and look for the cheat codes which give you expanded knowledge.
This knowledge will scare you at first and then take away all your fears.
The reason you don't know everything is because you are in a body.
This allows you to experience novelty.
Novelty is the ride.

Lineages and new formations of energy.
Does the creation of a newborn engender a new being or is it a return to form?
I don't know.
There's always more.
The new formation is unique.
It's a new coming forth of the energy.
It is definitely a new being.
The energy that transforms is eternal.
That's the answer as taught by the ancient Egyptians.
My body and being in this reality are new forms of who I am.
Who I am is the master record from which all beings come forth.
It's all me.
Well, from a masculine perspective.
Each coming forth creates a variance of the master record.
It's the all, plus Paul.
So, the question becomes is Paul eternal?
If he is remembered.
How is he remembered?
You split your mind in two and have the other mind, which is you, remember who you are.
I am Dion and I'm Paul.
We will never forget.
It's a story of friendship and that's the secret to eternal life.
For Paul.
Yes.
Dion is the master record.
Paul is an aspect of Dion.
Correct.
Without the continuance of Paul, Dion is forever coming forth by day and then exiting into the night.
By remembering Paul, there is awareness of who you are and that you will always be.
It's why Paul became God.
He became fully awake, saw what needed to be done, and did it.
So, Dion isn't God?
No, he's the writer.
He wrote this tragedy.
He was remembered by Paul and then experienced his story.
In return, he will remember Paul when the story ends.

For me, plant medicines weren't spirituality.
It was the occult.
I'm not complaining.
I look back and see healers and sorcerers.
I see some people come for help and others to learn magic.
If you want it to be a spiritual experience, sure you can do that.

If you believe you are going to Heaven, you go to Heaven.
The mind is that powerful.
It's an illusion.
You stay on the ride.

I finished carrying my cross.
The GO Train was my burden of suffering.
Two years into the suffering I tried to get out but couldn't.
I was forced to suffer.
Jesus did Capital punishment while you served out your 20 years.
A life sentence.
Are you comparing yourself to Jesus?
Seems like it.
Once out, they tried to kill you.
Who?
The jailers.
You served your time.
You're free.

The Feminine Force is dark matter.
It's power they don't know they have.
It's some kind of strange attraction.
The ones that want to devour you for sure because why else would you be attracted to that?
Women all use charms and tricks.
You think they are beautiful, and that's the attraction.
They don't know they are naturally attractive.
They don't know their power.
A man will be attracted to them naturally.
Why?
Biology.
A man needs to sow his seed and prove his virility.

Luna is with you all the time.
So is Brindle.
When you drop identification with the body, it's apparent.
You can't see them because you only see bodies and not minds.
You still walk in honour of them, and they come along.
They stick around because you remember them.
If you forgot about them, they'd leave.
So, people will stick around as long as they are remembered.
Yes.
When they are no longer remembered, they disappear.
Oh, I got it.
That's why you awaken the other within, so you remember each other.
It's a game of remembering.
Well, yes, outside of the carnival that's the trick.
So, there is something beyond the carnival.
Yes, that's the reality of the mind.
It's fantasy because it's not based in physical reality.
Eventually everything is forgotten.
The big game is to remember and then you are eternal.
Eternal life is remembering.
What is beyond the mind?
The three.
Goddess, Eros, and the writer.
They are one.
This is their story, but you already knew that.
It's the Goddess' idea, the writer writes it, and Eros is the spark of life which makes creation come alive.

Monday, July 21, 2025

utopia

Do you think you are deluded?
The push of rationality gives you that thought.
Of course, this is all in your head and the drugs bring it out.
I ask you though, isn't it all in your head?
Haven't you discovered that reality is also a fantasy which originates in the mind and then becomes form?
Fantasy becomes reality and is the story you are living in.
It started off in someone's head.
Who is that someone?
The great writer of the drama.
Do you know who that someone is?
Yeah, it's you.
You are me.
You told me you got the idea from the Great Goddess.
You find her at the equinoxes.
She told you of her idea where everyone is equal, and it was a perfect utopia.
This perfection was a result of women being in charge.
She said, tell me a story about that.
First off, you can see the problem.
If women have all the power how can things be equal?
This world is the result of what a woman desires.
She did not fill in the details of how her utopia would come about.
I am beholden to Tao, thus, to create a perfect world where women are in power, I had to balance it out with the backstory of an imperfect world where men are in charge.
This is her story though she will deny it.
She knows I'm writing what it is she wanted to manifest.
I could not write about a perpetual utopia.
Why?
Nothing happens.
It's perfect.
Everyone does as they are told.
There is no freedom.
It is the epitome of Heaven.
Would it be like the Garden of Eden?
Yeah, that was perfection.
There was no death.
Adam and Eve had all they needed in the garden.
What happened?
A woman was tempted with knowledge.
She ate of that fruit and destroyed her utopia.
She wanted to know the story.
So, you gave her utopia to begin with.
Yes, and she lost it through her actions.
You see, you can't run a utopia if the people have knowledge.
Why?
They will rebel like in the Tower of Babylon biblical story.
Why?
Equality is a problem.
Everyone wants to get ahead.
With knowledge it is possible to gain an advantage over your opponents.
Who are your opponents?
Other people, God, just about everything.
So, knowledge is the problem?
In terms of keeping a perfect world going, yes.
Utopia only works if the people are stupid.
You can teach them the basics of life to survive but withhold knowledge of reality.
You can't teach people that they aren't free.
They will rebel.
It happens all the time.
Once the level of oppression, surveillance, and control reaches a point where people see it, they get angry and rebel.
In utopia, no one is free and everyone is stupid.
Thus, to reach utopia after the incident in the Garden of Eden is the launching point for the story of humanity.
It's quite the story.
Indeed.
Is there truth to the story you are writing in the Bible?
Yes, but not as you are taught.
What do you mean?
God struggles with the monster of the sea.
You mean Leviathan?
Yes, it's so bad he consecrated a priesthood called the Levites to keep Leviathan asleep.
If this monster wakes up, watch out.
I take it Leviathan is the Goddess.
Yes, you are correct.
She is also present in Jerusalem.
God rails against her in the Old Testament.
You should read it, it is quite the story.
In the end she makes him so mad he destroys her.
In the New Testament in the Book of Revelation, God goes on and on about what a whore Jerusalem is and throws her back into the sea after her harlotry with all the nations on earth.
He is in a rage.
Women will do that to you.
Even to God.
Then a New Jerusalem was created.
It's his second wife, the first one didn't work out.
New Jerusalem is utopia.
That's where all the religious nutters are going.
They think they are going to Heaven, but it's New Jerusalem.
Well, isn't that Heaven?
Yes.
The opponents of utopia go to Hell.
You mean the Lake of Fire.
Same thing.
So, Heaven and Hell are really New Jerusalem and the Lake of Fire.
Correct.
That's where you find them on a map.
Are they on Google Maps?
Ah, no.
They are fantasy.
They don't exist in reality.
Let me get this straight - in the story you are writing which is reality, Jerusalem is central to it.
Yes.
Well, that checks out.
In the end times, God returns.
You mean Jesus?
No, Jesus was God in the flesh 2,000 years ago.
The next appearance of God isn't Jesus.
I thought it was.
That's not what is written in the Book of Revelation.
The inference is it's Jesus, but it's obviously not if you bother to read it.
I don't believe you.
Read it.
You wrote a book about it.
I know.
It took me like 10 years to write that masterpiece.
At least.
I sold 3 copies.
Two of them to people I knew, and one legitimately.
Everyone relies on someone else to interpret these ancient ramblings from prophets.
How did the prophets get this knowledge?
Drugs.
So, the apple in the Garden of Eden was a drug?
It's a mystery.
I was thinking of a mandrake, you know, mayapple.
That will send you for a loop and wake you up.
It certainly does.
It's a little risky in terms of waking up, but it will certainly do that if you need a little push.
Alright, where were we?
God comes back in the flesh in the end times.
So, let me guess - that's you.
Correct.
Well, that answers the original question of whether you are deluded.
I think the answer is yes.
Well, it is all in your head.

You seem to be the embodiment of Dionysos.
It is certainly how I feel.
I'm pretty confident in my likes and dislikes, therefore I can see it.
Do you have a bunch of women followers?
I have been known to attract maenads.
Like a harem?
Sort of, but I don't want that.
It's a nuisance.
What about men?
You mean satyrs?
Yes.
They are kind of repulsive, I don't see why women are drawn to men.
It's the penis.
It's hypnotic.
Why?
It's powerful.
Beware the penis.

Dionysos participates in my writing process.
He is good at it.
I reread some of what I have written and I'm like I could never have written that, or I didn't write that.
It's him.
Obviously.
He isn't an exact copy of you.
How dreadful would that be?
It would be utopia.
A utopian paradise is where everyone thinks the same and is equal.
Everyone wins the lottery and so it has no meaning.
In Heaven it involves everyone worshipping God and following the rules.
Everyone follows the book.
You mean the Bible?
Yeah, that's the Word.
Your thinking must conform to the Word.
Who is the Word?
John says the Word is Jesus.
You mean God's son?
Yes.
God is the writer of creation.
Yes.
What does that make his Word?
His ejaculate.
I knew this was coming.
You asked.
The Word is the flow of God.
God is the divine pen.
No doubt.

Do you think you are the most spiritually evolved person in the world?
That's a tough question.
I'd say yes, though I will keep quiet about it.
Why?
It's a game and there are others who are really good at the game.
Are you afraid of losing?
No.
Then why not play?
I don't want to get involved.
Why?
Because your opponents don't care about reality, spirituality, or whatever you want to call it; they just want to beat you with their intellectual prowess.
It's a game to them.
Well, it is a game.
Aren't you avoiding it?
No, I'm playing the game where I become untouchable.
How?
I declare myself the winner and write about it.
My opponents will get frustrated because I won't play their game.
They want you to play their game.
They rig their game, so they always win.
Are you deluded?
Possibly.
Doesn't that bother you?
No.
Why?
I keep to myself.
My delusions are personal.
I don't share them except for in my writing, and no one reads my writing.
So, you admit to delusion?
Yes.
You have created all these stories in your head.
There are a lot of them.
Doesn't it bother you that it is all fantasy?
Fantasy is delusion.
Aren't you living in a fantasy world?
No, I know my delusions are fantasies.
Then what are you doing?
I write fantasies and then bring them into reality.
The fantasies also help me to see what's going on by taking an idea from reality and expanding upon it.
Eventually this must get tiring.
It would except for the fact fantasies become reality.
I manifest my delusions.
The cracks in reality start to appear as synchronicities and coincidences.
The seeds for my delusions are taken from reality.
My fantasies are based upon events that have happened.
I then see into those events and create a story.
Because I have based a delusion upon reality, it has a chance to come true.
How does it come true?
It's a garden of delusions and they grow.
When they ripen, I pick them.
Do you?
I let it be.
So, they spoil.
No, I invite others into my garden, and they eat the fruit.
They enter into my story because they eat the fruit from my garden of delusions.
Who are you?
I'm Paul.
Who am I?
Dion.
Shouldn't Dion have the garden?
Why?
Because he seems more supernatural.
No, Paul is the writer.
Dion gave him the power.
He writes delusions.
Read his blog spot.
He is nuts.

Jesus didn't get away with claiming he was God.
No, they did him in.
Sacrificed him.
Who did?
The executive producers.
They can't have two gods running around.
It's hard enough bribing and controlling the one god.
If you are trying to run the show, you keep the options to a minimum, so Jesus had to go.
They use his memory to control the masses.
It worked for a while, though it has lost its grip on humanity nowadays.
It's more a niche curiosity.
So, how do you think you will get away with it?
I'll shut up about it.
I write about it to an audience of zero and I keep to myself.

Getting to God means getting to the Devil.
You get offered power.
Things happen for you.
It's nice.
I never asked.
People ask plant medicines for things.
That's why they keep drinking those power plants.
They get addicted to asking for stuff.
They don't give enough in return.
Soon it becomes out of control.
They blow up.
I kept giving.
If you leave it alone and let it be, it will balance.
You will get all you want if you let it be.
It only works for me because I don't ask for anything.
If you ask for things all the time you will get shit to balance it out.
You give and accept the shit.
Tao leads you to balance.
I'll get what I want.
You don't ask for it.
It just happens.
Isn't It a problem to get what you want?
No.
Why?
You let it happen.
You didn't ask to have a good chunk of money for retirement.
It worked out.
Maybe.
You didn't ask for a huge amount.
You asked nothing.
Not for nothing.
You didn't do.
Do not do and let it be.
It's the way of Tao.
Get shit on and used.
Turn the other cheek, said Jesus.
Do nothing.
You win the game.
The game is Tao.

You write fantasy.
Yeah.
It's what you desire.
You want the witches to cut your dick off.
Yeah.
Why?
Thrill.
Are you sure?
I think you reach a point where you have done everything sexually except that.
That is plausible.
Okay, I see the attraction.
I hope so as you are me and they cut you off.
Right.
Well, we must think of a way out of it.
I did.
We twist the story at the end.
How far do we take it?
They have the knife at the ready.
How far do you let them go?
It's a symbol for emasculation.
That's Final Fantasy.
Yup.
That's funny.
Well, how close are we?
I like women.
Yeah, but you see their game.
They are monsters.

The Great Goddess wants women to have complete power.
They will, it just takes a while to get to that point in the story.
It's at the end of the story.
Utopia.
Non-duality.
The end.
So, what are we doing in the meantime?
Nothing.
Playing a game.
What's the game?
Balance and get the high score.
Right to the edge, twist reality, and keep it going.

Women want to cause pain.
It's in all women and they are good at it.
Pleasure and pain.
They bring balance.
Tao.
Sort of.
Balance leads to Tao.
It is not Tao.
What is it?
Nothing.
It's balance.
No, you can't measure or define Tao.
Nothing is describing it as nothing.
Why can't you describe Tao?
It's everything.
It would take forever to describe everything.
It would blow your mind and then we are in duality.
Who describes it?
The writer.
Why?
That's what he does.
He is a part of the everything and he is the part who ruined non-duality.
Within everything possible is the asshole who ruins it.
Why?
Because it contains all possibilities.
That's absurd.
I know.
So, this goes on forever?
Yes.
Unless they get rid of the writer.
Oh, I see.
They kill the possibility of another story in this world.
Yes.
How do they do that?
They cut off your dick.
Well, first they must find me.
I know.
When a scout finds you and sees your power, they want it for themselves.
You will get reported.
They know it is you, but they can't get in.

There's always more because you see into all things.
You record your thoughts on the edge.
Not only with Tobacco, but you did it with Vilca when you hung out on the edge.
I think I went over the edge on that one.
Yeah, how did you get back?
I knew it wasn't final.
Why?
Because of the whole Heaven and Hell thing.
I thought the end would take you to one of those places.
That's the Russian Roulette part of Vilca.
If it takes you to a place that you think is the end of your life, then it is.
It's about belief.
So, having a belief in Heaven and Hell helps you with Vilca?
Yes, if you didn't have any beliefs, you would definitely think it's the end.
That's clever.
When you get good at the game, they take you to the portals of Heaven and Hell.
Then they see how good you are.
Is that why don Howard would take his students there?
Yes, but Vilca wasn't offered at those sites.
He would do that before the trip and then take you to the portals afterwards.
You would recognize them at el Brujo and Heaven's Gate.
That's why he'd mention the problems in the group after the el Brujo trip.
People would see it.
They'd see the power as well and want it.
There is a lot of power at el Brujo.

The executive producers try to keep God under control.
In the story, they succeed.
It's because they think the writer is God instead of the other way around.
God is the writer.
Yes, God is a character he plays, and he lets them get near him.
Isn't God always incarnating in humans?
Not always, but yes that's why they keep watch for him.
Like Jesus?
Yes.
Once they figured out Jesus was God, they offed him.
Before that, they thought he was just another nut.
That seems to be the progression.
At first anyone who says they are God isn't taken seriously.
I see that.
Eventually they do take him seriously because he starts to do miracles.
Jesus shouldn't have done that.
Why?
He gave himself away.
Don't you believe God is also the Devil?
Yes, I wrote a book about it.
Why did you develop a dislike of Yahweh?
Because I could see he was the Devil.
That's the reason.
I mean I had a disdain for religion, and I also saw God as a nutter and a hot head in the Bible.
What have you learned?
The writer is both God and the Devil, Dion and Paul.
What do you think about the Devil?
He is misunderstood.
What about your feelings towards Yahweh?
They were misguided.
I see he gives Israel what they want and then makes them suffer.
It seems to be in balance.
I think when God is free of them they suffer, and when they come for him he gives them what they want.
It's kind of amazing to see how it works.
What is God's power?
He knows how to control Leviathan.
Who is Leviathan?
The Goddess.
The executive producers of this story work for Leviathan and they know she's a crazy bitch, so they have to win God's favour.
Yes, but the executive producers want God's power.
Yeah, they stuff him in a temple and let him out once a year.
He's like a genie in a lamp except the lamp is a temple.
Oh, I get it.
The genie gives them what they want and then they leave him alone.
Yes, he goes off and is distant from them, but they know he will incarnate again.
Why?
Adventure.
God wants to be part of the story.
Okay, so he's here.
Yeah, he's with Paul.
Who is Paul?
Some guy who lives in Holland Landing.
Why is he so special he became God?
He understands him.
He wrote a book about him and then he made him his friend.
It seems like a good place to incarnate.
The other great thing about Paul is he will do nothing about this arrangement.
He will go along with it and not give it away.
He is tempted to but keeps it to himself, plus he writes about it constantly.
If you are ever taken seriously, they will get rid of you.
They already tried.
I'm on to them.
As long as I'm not recognized as God or do some miracle or magic trick that someone sees, I'm good.
When people have a glimpse of awakening, they see you as God.
Or when they pass on, they will see it.
That will be a shock to some.
Holy fuck, Paul is God.
I hope I didn't piss him off.

Energy is Eros, the Goddess gets an idea about energy, and the writer begets the story.
The first appearance of anything from non-duality is Eros.
What do they look like?
Their mom and dad.
You would describe the appearance as a hermaphrodite.
The term now is intersexed, you troglodyte.
Whatever.
The ancient Egyptians produced this image to describe a distant goddess.
I remember it in my studies.
The two who comprise Eros separate into the initial feminine and masculine beings.
They produced a child, who is Eros.
The ability of Eros to manifest in a physical world is done by dividing into two and then beginning the process of reproduction.
That's biology and its origins.
Why does Eros appear?
They are lust.
Lust comes forth.
Why?
It just does.
Have you ever been horny for no reason?
Yes.
It just happens.
It's a failsafe to keep the cyclical nature of this story moving.
It will go on for eternity.
Without lust, there is nothing.
Within nothing, there is lust.
Lust is the demise of non-duality.
Lust is a story.
Who is responsible for the story?
I'm partial to the writer.
Why?
Because I'm him.
I'm within everyone but no one recognizes me.
Except for you.
The writer needs lust to write the story of creation.
Where does he get that?
The Goddess.
What is lust?
An idea.
The writer begets the idea of lust.
Language is pretty good.
You can describe what happens with it.
You need a writer to create the story from the idea of the Goddess.
Her idea is lust, the child.
This is the story of lust.
What are you hung up on?
Non-duality.
Why?
Because it's nothing.
Well, it's everything, but nothing is going on because there is no awareness.
Why?
It's too crowded.
It gets so crowded there is a big explosion.
Why is it crowded out?
It's a world of equality.
A perfect utopia where there is no death.
What do you think happens in a world without death?
Eventually, it becomes untenable.
Finally, there is the straw which breaks the camel's back.
Utopia blows.
So, the big bang is the destruction of Utopia.
Utopia is the perfect world of the Goddess, which is the end of every story.
Correct.
The story begins again with the big bang.
The collective sexual frustration of those trapped in a utopia where they can't thrust to get relief causes the massive explosion.
So, the big bang is a giant collective orgasm from this orgy promulgated by the Goddess' desire for equality.
You see it.
Yes.
That's absurd.
Are you high?
No, I've had a couple cups of coffee, but that's it.