have a good sleep

We are obsessed with measuring the world and putting it to order. Thinking about why we do this - of course it is curiosity and our quest and thirst for knowledge. However it occurred to me that subconsciously we do this because deep down we know that it just doesn’t make any logical sense. I mean why? Why existence and why is it so mysterious? Why does there have to be anything? It's just peculiar that anything exists. How did the universe just suddenly appear out of nothing? Why when we peer into the fundamental nature of existence it gets fuzzy and sub-atomic particles break down into wavicles and fields powered by mysterious energy? Think about the whole what came first, the chicken or the egg, and how both answers just seem preposterous when you think about it. We want it to make sense. Do dreams make sense? The worlds we create when we dream they just appear and we don’t stop to think while dreaming how it all exists. We just mentally make it happen. Such is the fundamental principle of this universe. It just is and we busy ourselves trying to reverse engineer it but in the end all this speculation is just theory. The actors in my dream are all me. The actors in this dream are all from the great cosmic dreamer. A dreamer so skilled instead of being one avatar in the dream they are them all!

The dream creates the notion of self. Think about that. When you go to sleep at night and dream you are the creator and all the individuals in the dream come from you as the creator and the dreaming activity creates all these individuals who would consider themselves an autonomous self just like we do. Our ability to dream is quite primitive but imagine you had mad skills when it came to dreaming. You would create a world where these characters had free will and just like you they would periodically rest and also dream while resting.

So which came first the chicken or the egg? It's the dreaming mind that came first. The answer to the question is solved. The chickens then appeared, fully formed through mentation, and started doing their thing. It is one of those questions that we should clue into as being a mystery because the sheer logic of the question throws into disarray all we find logical. We spend countless hours and much energy to try and bring logic to the illogical. To try and figure out how it all works; to chart the progression from single cell amoeba to Homo sapiens.

When you dream you experience it first person just like life. Is life not but just a dream? Our dreaming activity during sleep is a clue as well as subterfuge. The clue is that reality can be constructed out of mentation. The subterfuge is that we can differentiate between what we think is reality and what is a dream but we can't do it while ensconced in the dream. While dreaming we are convinced it is reality however once awake we realize it was a dream. You know what else seems to be? It is that bodily death puts an end to our reality and puts an end to any local dreaming activity. Death occurs when our energy is depleted to the point where we no longer function. What then is energy and the source of the energy?

Each new child/creature born is the creation of another universe with the potential to create through mental activity. We are occluded from it as we share consciousness and a consensus reality with others. We can and do create our own universe as a shard of the all consciousness when we dream. When we access that part of us that does the dreaming then we start creating our own worlds. Can we enter into that world? Do I still need the bodily host to dream or can that be discarded and then it's limitless?

So why do we dream? Because all of this mentation of the dreaming mind is recursive. Every sentient being is paradoxically a representative of unity and when we dream we come forth as the mirror image; the whole filtered through a prism and split into many as a reflection of our psyche. Our world is the psyche of the one on the other side of the looking glass. From one perspective we are unity and from the opposite perspective we are separated into the many. When we dream we create worlds and these worlds of seemingly separate beings and objects all come from the one mind doing the dreaming, the single mind always reflecting plurality. The plurality revealing the interconnectedness of all. My experiences are fodder for creating my own world via dreaming as my psyche helps form and direct the drama.

Energy is the product of mental activity. We dream when we redirect our energy from waking consciousness to nocturnal slumber. Along the same line of thought, birth is the entering of more energy into our collective dream to keep it going. The more actors present performing then the dreamer stays asleep. The outpouring of energy is still strong. When there is death then the energy returns to the dreamer and they start to wake up. So what happens when we die? Do we wake up from the dream and return to the dreamer? Or is it when the great cosmic dreamer finally wakes that everything is reconciled? What happens if I ride this ship to the end, figure it all out, and 100% declare I know this is a dream. Does that put an end to the slumber? Like everything in life it seems cyclical. Our dreaming cycle occurs usually once in a twenty four hour period. There are short cycles and long cycles. The dreamer of our universe has been snoring away for quite a long time now. Estimates are over 13.8 billion years.

Am I a dreaming fool? I guess it is obvious now as playing is what I do. I'm on the precipice of realizing this is my dream and I entered into it and tried to hide this from myself. Of course it's me. I went too far and lifted the veil. I tried to scare myself away but it didn't work. Can I still influence it or has it gone too far off the tracks? I am aware I’m the dreamer. I’m aware I’m awake in my own dream. All of the universe and the objects I create are aspects of myself. I’m now awake within the dream; my reality has become a lucid dream. When you finally understand your influence over the dream, things start happening for you instead of to you. The psyche of the cosmic dreamer is the world we live in. The hatred and destruction we witness are aspects of the great self who dreams this world into existence. The love and kindness are aspects as well. We can make a choice on how we want the dream to play out.

Riddle me this: when you are dreaming you are for the most part unaware you are dreaming and buy into the drama. So when you die and you wake from the dream how would you know that you just haven't awakened into another dream? The one giveaway I can think of would be the eternal world would not have a time limit, feeling of transience, or expiration of any sort. However does that even exist or is everything cyclical and subject to periods of this dreaming activity?

Think of the whole idea of the multiverse and how many are asleep, dreaming away, and creating all these different worlds. There are infinite dreamers and an infinite amount of universes, all birthing the potentiality of more universes that would house the ability to create an infinite amount of universes. And on it goes. Have a good sleep. 

i think therefore i am

I was on my deck smoking mapacho and contemplating the sheer incalculability and the favourable conditions needed to birth and sustain life upon earth. From just a cursory look at it, the earth is at an optimal position away from a star that gives off the optimal amount of heat and energy. The earth needed to be seeded with the building blocks of life and then conditions had to be present to enact a spark that put it all in motion. Subsequently, the atmosphere had to cool and carbon removed in order for life to gain a foothold on land. Eventually, the species I lay claim to had to exist in trees to avoid being eaten by the predators that roamed the earth and then some event had to occur that evolved our brain size and cognitive skills. The result is I’m sitting down in front of this computer entering my thoughts into something called a word processor that I can then share with the rest of my species on this planet. I’ve left out a great deal of the steps needed to get to this point! However, it is quite incredible that this is the situation at hand. What dawned on me was this is so implausible that I figure it is the closest proof I will ever get to the theory that the universe’s source is the mentation of a mind at large who dreams the world into existence and I guess by dream I mean creates by fiat through mental processes that manifest as vibrational energy. I wonder if the process is even aware of the physics involved in concocting this fantasy realm that we live in or if it just does it? I mean it sounds ridiculous except for when we scientifically investigate the structure of existence and get into subatomic particles where it is a non-stop rabbit hole of discovery, we think we have found the source and natural physical laws. Further investigation reveals it gets fuzzy again and breaks out into chaos and vibrational patterns and on it goes from particles to waves and so on.

I had another one of those aha moments because of this. My thought processes lately have been a gradual letting go of anything concrete to rest my conception of the fount of existence on. I let go of unity because I realized I was objectifying it and using it to declare the self as an illusion. I finally came to the understanding that they are one process and a continuing pattern of energy that cycles between unity and self and neither can lay claim to truth or being the ultimate state of anything. It’s an interesting perspective and it opens up another pandora box of thinking. It’s like the situation where I have said before I can listen to Alan Watts over and over again and perhaps on the tenth time listening to a lecture I will finally get it and have an aha moment. It’s become obvious now why as I keep unlocking blocks in my thinking processes that when I clear them finally allows me to understand what he is talking about. The man is a genius and his philosophy is all laid out but you end up missing so much of it until you evolve your own thinking processes and then it becomes a wondrous journey again and again. The same approach works well with my curiosity and speculation upon existence.

It’s got me thinking about the illusory structure of matter that breaks down into vibration when you examine it. Everything alive is always on the move and changing so to pinpoint matter or nouns of any nature is fundamentally illusory. Just like you and I are illusory because we are just temporary and our bodily existence will perish. I should probably use the word temporary instead of illusory as it will probably lessen the confusion however I have to admit the word illusory has a mystery behind it and is more impactful in the way that it challenges your thinking. It is important to challenge your thinking as that is how you grow intellectually and your thoughts expand and mature. I mean when you say it is all illusory what the hell are you talking about? It’s constant change. Pause here so you can grasp this concept. So, anyway with my new thinking processes I can now see that matter is actually part of a process; an ongoing pattern of life where the energy becomes form, densifies, and creates matter. Matter goes through a dissolution process and returns to free flowing energy but it is all the same pattern. One of my hang ups was I insisted matter be a state of permeance as opposed to a temporary stop on the energetic path; just like unity and the self are stops along the way of the process which I like to describe as a flower that comes forth from the seed, blooms as the metaphor of self, and then returns to its origins. Matter is the expected result of an energy system that is in constant flux and really isn’t illusory, just like you aren’t, but temporary.

The path to the realization of self and its opposite no self involves riding the thinking wave. Physically, we recognize the boundary of our body encapsulated by an epidermis even though fundamentally we can't separate it from the environment. Mentally, we enact the separation by thinking about what we are sensing and then we start to delineate based upon perception. Thinking is the crowning achievement of self. Light is its symbol. 

In closing, I’d like to give a shout out to the use of substances that can facilitate a change in consciousness that unlocks the potential of the mind and its thinking processes. I’ll present myself as exhibit ‘A.' So much of psychedelic use and its modalities have been forced underground, trivialized, stereotyped, or you have to travel far distances to participate legally in a plant medicine ceremony making it a pipe dream for most. They are not to be taken lightly and their potential to evolve our consciousness is vast. I have to admit I was fortunate to come into the care of a great organization that guided me through this process and gives me now the knowledge, courage, and open mind needed to help humanity realize the great benefits of the evolution of consciousness that must take place if we are to survive as a species.

knowledge junkie

There's always more and however deep you dig thinking you are on the cusp of figuring it all out, in the end you are just telling yourself a story. I'm an unrepentant and hopeless seeker of knowledge and ultimate truth. I stand, well actually comfortably sitting, before you now and fully admit I will go on seeking. I know to some it is an exercise in frustration however I haven't found that to be so and I enjoy the discoveries and sure it is just another layer off the proverbial onion but to me the aha moments and epiphanies give me the impetus to continue on. It's like being an adrenaline junkie of sorts, perhaps jumping out of planes, however my drug of choice is knowledge. While seeking I have been reminded many times to play and have been given explicit lessons that this knowledge I seek does not matter. Love is all that matters. In a way that is what keeps me going. I have the answer. I do not need to seek anymore. I really love seeking though, so on I go.

Dreams play into this seeking. I dig down and discover all is vibration and then dreams keep suggesting to me not only is all vibration but the vibration is mental in origin. When I dream I create worlds, heck universes with their physics all within the turnings of my mind. On a cosmic scale I'm not very good at it and only do this for a few hours a night. Imagine the mind at large, an accomplished dreamer of the first order, who takes naps that last for billions and billions of years? I'll never get to test out my hypothesis in this lifetime so theory this one will remain. Does that become frustrating? No, not really because I then approach it a different way. What if I ensconced myself in my own dream? Like entered into my own game or better yet instead of limiting me to the arcade version where you can play just one of the characters how about you make yourself into many avatars? Now we are getting somewhere. Then I tire of the joystick, of having to control trillions of entities, so I give them all free will and choice. Then there's this crazy planet called earth where the prisoners, or I mean the inhabitants, have free will and choice which plays out in many different outcomes and I learn about myself.

In this scenario the mind at large, the dreamer, the source of mentation, is an unrepentant seeker of knowledge of self as well. I'm in good company!

While seeking it’s a long and winding road to find unity as you traverse the hallway of self to find no self, which leads you to a fundamental unity. It’s quite a momentous discovery to find the essential inseparability of all and to realize that you are not only a part of the all but to realize the all is from where you came. There is a tendency at this point to disparage the self; to declare it an illusion. To insist that you are fundamentally inseparable from the all so how can you lay claim to the existence of self? In a way it feels like you are one up on everyone else because you realize they are just phantoms but they just can’t see it. Hopefully one day they will see it like you do so you’ll have someone that you talk with about your new found awareness.

Alas the dissolution of ego was just another trip of the ego. The denial of self was another way to rise up above the deluded masses. Oh the games we play, always trying to be the one on top. It adds impetus to any banality found within our game.

If you ever find yourself bored with life then drop everything and go on a spiritual trip. I promise you it is the most fascinating and seemingly never ending journey you will embark upon. You can always declare at some point you have found the truth and disembark from the ship of discovery however please let it be known that ship goes on forever and ever and you’ll never get to the destination. A declaration of enlightenment is really just admitting you are tired of seeking and searching. Time to lay down some roots and let this be.

Okay I’ll come out and say it. Unity is a crock. I went too far and didn’t get off the ship at my intended stop. I found out all that mattered was love and I found unity. That was supposed to be it and then I could teach that to others but I never disembarked and I kept on searching. I should have become aware I’d do this; I mean when I went searching for the ego and found that sucker I tried to strangle it and be done with it. It just came back and then I realized that as long as I viewed myself as separate then I would be separate and from that there was no escape. I then realized I was the flower that was blooming from the fount of energy that everyone comes from and while I was this flower I could look at it from a holistic point of view, see that it is all one process, and integrate all the parts of me I separate, including the ego, and put them all back together and find out that I am the all. Pretty heady stuff and boy I have come a long way.

When I say unity is a crock I mean I am still trying to define something that is fundamentally undefinable. I will blame the conventions of language for this, specifically the need for nouns. I need an object to stand on and I need something solid to base my ideas on. In this case I chose unity. That has to be it and where everything comes from. Unity is the thing man! I wrote a few blog posts back that my dismissal of the self was incorrect because it is the expected outcome of the process. The energy cycles between unity and self, never stopping, so that you cannot actually pinpoint any actual chunk of time as being complete unity or the actual self. It is always on the move. The pinnacle of self is the same as the blooming of the flower but that moment is not forever frozen in time no matter how much simpler that would make this whole process of discovery become. From this I realized there is no use trying to pin down the truth of the flower. Is it the seed? Roots? I was assigning truth to the fount. Unity is my ultimate fount.

Yeah I’m surprised it took a couple weeks as well after this to see the error of my ways. Unity was everything and the truth because at some point I had decided it was the fount from which everything came from. Uh oh, I just talked myself out of that and I’m left hanging again. I objectified unity and I know that’s a bullshit move. The energy, whatever that is, is oscillating from unity to self continuously. Unity is the same as my attempt to define self. Now I’m stuck on energy as my fount, my object. Well I guess at this moment in my odyssey I can say my noun is a verb and maybe leave it at that. My dreaming activity and intuition tells me the vibration is from the mind much like the dreamer that creates worlds through mentation. Okay so who is the dreamer? It’s the self returned to unity. We re-enact this every night when we sleep which is the little death; death being a return to unity. Unity doesn’t last though because well nothing sits still. If this is true, once again who is the dreamer?

Heavy sigh. The ship sails on and I’m its open ended passenger.

Wait, wait, wait… The dreamer is the self but at the opposite side of individual self. The all dreaming as one big unity self, mind at large, the great he she, and the vibration creating the universe. The dreaming of unity creates the vibrations that causes all these selves. What if the mind at large wakes up or stops playing? I guess I’ll have to explore this now for a while. Onward Ho! 

reality?

I wonder just how much capacity we have to create our own reality? I have been having these thoughts which could make a pretty good short story in that at some point I exited someone else's world which kept me in bondage and thus formed my own reality. My actor would then become latent or dead in someone else's reality and I would then direct my own play through intention. Or perhaps the game is a gradual process where you take control of your own destiny? I think part of this thinking is that my life does seem to have headed in a direction I think deep down was my greatest desire. As a child I could remember wanting to figure it all out. I veered off that path many times but an inner power kept me coming back to that path. In the last two months I have had two dreams in particular which I was sure weren't dreams while I was in the midst of them. In a dream last week I drank Huachuma and was tripping in my dream. It was similar to having a sexual dream where though it was all an act of mentation, it feels very real. In waking reality I have to actually drink Huachuma or physically participate in a sex act but in the dreaming reality there is an image or manifestation of it and the effects are then felt by my body which is lying there in a sleeping/hypnotic stage. How do I know if right now this isn't all some construct as well? I do feel sensation, it feels real, and maybe all these actors in my reality are putting on an impeccable show but I do think I am capable of creating and maintaining this world through mental processes.