Friday, October 27, 2017


The word cathartic is from a Greek verb meaning to cleanse as well as to purge, which is based on an adjective meaning pure. As a noun, cathartic means a medicine that purges. This ties in with being holy and the idea of holiness being lost in the bowels of history as referring to a state of emptiness. This may also shed some light upon the etymology of the Christian sect known as Cathars who were persecuted, massacred, and driven underground by the Inquisitors of the medieval Catholic Church. 

The Ayahuasca experience as I have detailed in my writings is supremely cathartic in mind and body. There is a physical element of purging and within this element comes a feeling of releasing mental states and blockages that are holding you back or no longer serving you. At the forefront of my experiences has always been the Great Goddess. It has been hard to not notice in my progress that the more I emptied my mind the more the medicine could and would help. When I did not quiet my mind the experience tended towards the dark and chaotic. This had a tendency to repeat over and over in ceremonies, akin to getting hit on the head with a hammer repeatedly until you finally stop doing it. 

The idea of being pure and holy has taken a few years to grasp. My western cultural roots are grounded in Judaeo-Christian values and beliefs and the exhortation towards holiness conjured thoughts and images of an impossibly pious and chaste life. The Semitic root of holy found in the Old Testament is qodesh and in the Levant qodesh can also refer to a goddess. This goddess, known as Qudshu, shares many attributes that have as their ultimate derivation the ancient Egyptian goddess Hathor.

Qudshu wearing the headdress of Hathor
CC BY-SA 2.0 fr
Artist Unknown Description Stele featuring Egyptian and foreign gods: Qetesh (Syria), Min (Egypt), Resheph (Egypt) [1] Painting of limestome Dimensions 31.50 cm high, 18.80 cm wide, 6.50 cm deep Current location (Inventory)Louvre Museum   Native name Musée du Louvre Location Paris Coordinates 48° 51′ 37″ N, 2° 20′ 15″ E    Established 1793 Website Authority control VIAF: 257711507 ISNI: 0000 0001 2260 177X ULAN: 500125189 LCCN: n80020283 NLA: 35912436 WorldCat Sully, 1er étage, Le Nouvel Empire, Salle 28 Accession number C 86 Source/Photographer Rama

Hathor, among many attributes and epithets, is the Goddess of Love - sensual, exotic, erotic, compassionate, and motherly, as well as the Mistress of Intoxication. How does this reconcile with being pure and holy? The answer boils down to understanding the trappings of culture. The idea of purity became conflated with being chaste and virginal somewhere in our Victorian prudish past. I finally understood qodesh and holiness to mean emptiness; a state as an empty chalice free of cultural bias and preconceptions, with the mind being like a cottage lake calm at dawn. It wasn't long after that I was able to tie this idea into practices such as meditation where the goal is to turn off the world, and stop the noise and the chatter in the skull. Looking back on my forays into states of altered consciousness I realized how important it is to do just this - turn off the mind. The active mind in such an psychically open state is ultimately toxic and this lesson repeatedly beat me over the head in many ceremonies. I called it and still refer to my time in ceremony at SpiritQuest fondly as being the 'school of hard knocks'. When the mind is silenced this accomplishment leads to the magic happening. That is what the Great Goddess was instructing us to do through being 'holy'. 

sacred sexuality

Sacred sexuality is something I could grasp on a higher plane but doubted it in the now I find myself. I have intuitively understood that the union between a man and a woman mimicked the state of unity of the all however I knew the unity we can experience right now is fleeting and short. As well our peculiar human experience likes to foul things up and attach morals and expectations to biological urges so thus attached to sex are ideas of shame and a need to shield your predilections from others lest your ego be called out for what turns you on. Through this the dark side of your human experience can control you since it has something on you. It is a form of internal blackmail. If you engage in an activity not culturally sanctioned, in the aftermath of pleasure you immediately feel ashamed. This is so ingrained within it is difficult to break free of and perversely this leads to an addiction to the behaviour and a cycle hard to break. First thing is to clear the mind and stop the behaviour and regain control over your thoughts and actions. I did that and then tried to reintroduce the behaviour. It was a no go for a long time. Finally this wise woman I follow on the Internet counselled us on the need to bring joy into our lives and accept it and not feel ashamed about pleasure.

For some reason this time it really got through to me and resonated down to my very core and I have reintroduced the behaviour, this time with no shaming but just full on acceptance of what turns me on and brings me a respite of pleasure within my mundane existence. It's funny in that I fully embraced purification and celibacy as a requirement for my journeys into altered states of consciousness. I was a prize student in this regard and then lo and behold during these ceremonies I experienced very erotic visions and senses, so much so it made me wonder what is up? It led me to a discovery of what serpent power is and how it can be used. I have boiled it down to the sexual, health, and the spiritual. Then the next step is balance, something I sorely lacked! In psychology it is a given that the suppression of a feeling or a desire will eventually lead to major difficulties and a presentation of this need in an increased way. The philosopher Alan Watts has counselled many times in his lectures about feelings and that there are no wrong feelings. You may attach cultural labels to feelings and there are justifiable moral questions raised by feelings we experience however it is important to remember a feeling is never wrong. I have taken this to heart. So with this all said, admitted to, and accepted, I fully realize as well the idea of purity and how it relates to the use of serpent power. Purity does not mean a Victorian sense of chasteness and prudishness. Instead it is an attempt to describe the need for an empty chalice or a stilled mind like the calmness of a cottage lake at dawn. The stillness of the mind is what is needed and what is being described by purity. This allows you to enter into higher states of consciousness much easier. Shifting gears on serpent power from the sexual to the spiritual is what I will be doing now. It is part of my intent as enacted by my will. I will return to pleasure at some point but for now I will channel the energy into my sacred journey to the top of the mountain. 

As an addendum to the above I'd like to discuss how the cycle of arousal within the male mimics the life cycle, in a sense the journey that is available to all. I have seen echoes in this idea within the iconography of ancient Egypt. The ithyphallic Osiris is a result of Isis and Nephthys re-membering him, after he was murdered by his brother Set, through magic in order that Isis could copulate with her husband to produce the son Horus.

Isis as a kite bird copulating with Osiris from Seti I Temple at Abydos

It is the power of the two goddesses, in essence serpent power, that causes Osiris to become erect.

Ithyphallic Osiris from Seti I Temple at Abydos

The inert Osiris is reanimated and given life in this world once again temporarily through the magical power that is property of goddesses. The son of the union, Horus, is the ever returning vessel of light, the eternal energy, come forth once again through the magic of cosmic union. As well in ancient Egypt the figure of the god Min is shown erect.

Ithyphallic Min on stele from ROM

His power is fecundity and it is interesting that he is connected with mountains with one of his epithets being 'Min, the man on the mountain.’ I have found that in my spiritual journey I have reached a point where I need to physically go to the highlands in order to climb the proverbial mountain. With all that has been happening to me I can connect the scaling of the spiritual mountain to its apex as being in congruence with an erect penis. The serpent power is fully engaged within and you are at your peak but with the difference being channeling the power into a spiritual rather than a sexual outlet. A major reason why I have made this connection is that there is a passage in the Tao Te Ching that ruminates upon this pure power being present in a baby boy when the baby involuntary produces an erection. 

Being full of power
is like being a baby.
Scorpions don’t sting,
tigers don’t attack,
eagles don’t strike.
Soft bones, weak muscles,
but a firm grasp.
Ignorant of the intercourse
of man and woman,
yet the baby penis is erect.
True and perfect energy!
All day long screaming and crying,
but never getting hoarse.
True and perfect harmony!

To know harmony
is to know what’s eternal.
To know what’s eternal
is enlightenment.
Increase of life is full of portent:
the strong heart exhausts the vital breath.
The full-grown is on the edge of age.
Not the Way.
What’s not the Way soon dies.

Lao Tzu: Tao Te Ching, A Book about the Way and the Power of the Way - Ursula K. Le Guin, pages 81-82.

It took a while to figure out what it meant but once I connected it to the figures of ancient Egypt discussed above along with serpent power I grasped the meaning. In relating this masculine sexual organ as being related metaphorically to the cycle of life it is such: 
Through excitation, metaphorically the plucking of a guitar string, the phallus through vibration is put into motion and gathers power. The power coalesces and the member stands erect. Through increasing vibrational power the member eventually reaches a stage of being fully engaged and full of power and explodes. This is reaching the top of the mountain peak and climaxing. From that point the power recedes and the form returns to a state of inertness until once again the vibrational string is plucked, put into motion, and the process repeats. In ancient Egypt when this power noticeably declines in the ruling Pharaoh they held a festival for the King to renew this power. Part of the rituals enacted at the Heb Sed festival had the Pharaoh demonstrating the ability to obtain an erection and masturbating to completion. In addition the Pharaoh would become a night time music maker for the great goddess Hathor and call upon the serpent goddess to renew his power, as this text from the tomb of an official of Pharaoh Amenhotep III’s court reveals:

…in the lower register is a powerful invocation to the starry snake goddess of the night, Hathor 'Gold', whom they call on to rise and be propitiated through the dances they perform in her honour. But they dance not only for this beneficent queen of the night, shining in her fiery brilliance, but also for Amenhotep who has great need of her power. In their chant to the goddess they implore her to take him to the east of the sky, to the place where at dawn, 'the doors of the sky open and a god goes forth pure'. And this is what they sing:

Make jubilation for Gold
and sweet pleasure for
The Lady of the Two Lands,
that she may cause
Nebmaatre [Amenhotep], given life,
to be enduring.

Come, rise. Come
that I may make
Jubilation at twilight for you
And music in the evening.
O Hathor, you are exalted
In the hair of Re, in the hair of Re,
For to you has been given
The sky, deep night and the stars…

Hathor Rising, The Power of the Goddess in Ancient Egypt, Alison Roberts, pages 26-27.

Changing your attitude towards what is ultimately the most sacred of the sacred reveals ultimately that the expression of the godhead we seek, the totality of the all, the one, is the sacred cosmic union of the divine feminine and the divine masculine. The climax of that relationship enacts creation. It's the big bang. We are living in the post orgasmic stage of the most sacred sexual union ever consummated. How delightful is that? 

Saturday, October 7, 2017

black obsidian

black obsidian reflection,
reveals Goddess presence.
forgiveness and Love,
guide and strengthen.
courage and protection,
always with me.

a sense.
a feeling.
come and go;
some we hold on to.
come and go;
some we hold on to.

letting go
of self,
finds no self.
finding no self,
is unity.
mother smiles.
heart rejoices.

i am you
experiencing you
as me.
the past
a ghost.
the future
an illusion.
Now is all there is.

i am a vibration
which becomes,
then goes away,
until eventually,
i am the musician
once again.

yin and yang.
darkness and light.
attempt to grasp the mystery
is to only look at reflection.

is a reflection
of mysterious power.
that's how I best know her.