shut the fuck up

It's best to shut up.

Why?

Because if you don't, you will start sounding like all the other nutters.

You know, the ones you encounter on the internet and dismiss as loons.

The thing is I know all the stuff they are talking about.

What do you think about it?

They are stories.

If you believe them, they will start to come alive in your world.

So, you don't believe them anymore?

No.

Like the one about the demiurge for instance.

There's some truth to it in that humanity is being fooled into worshipping a false creator.

What's your take on it?

It's a game.

Get to God.

Become God and play the part.

The demiurge is the guy who got to the top of the mountain and became the most high.

If you get close to him, you will see he is at the top of the game.

Is he God?

In the game he is.

The king of the castle.

You see people alter their consciousness and start to see little bits of the mystery.

Then they start talking before they understand it.

What makes you special?

I shut up about it except for posting stuff on my blog site.

No one reads it, so it's more like a purge to clear out room for more capacity to make up stories.

So, they are made up?

Sort of.

If you believe them and have conviction they start to seep into this reality.

It's easy to alter your consciousness and start talking about your delusions, especially if you are good at speaking.

You can attract followers that way.

I'm telling you to shut the fuck up.

Do you believe your delusions?

Yes.

Why?

They seem real.

Well, real to me.

Dion seems real.

He is real to others.

I think that's the bridge.

It's what we are looking for.

We want someone else to confirm it.

Not to agree with us, but to witness it.

I have had a bunch of people witness him or something strange about me.

I also have my own inner knowing which without an external validator can become a delusion.

Of course, because it is only you who has access.

What about people who read your blog posts?

They think I'm crazy for the most part.

I also think that they feel there is something to me.

I'm crazy, but I have some kind of mystery about me and I know things.

That's fair.

What are you going to do?

Nothing.

I'm not going to talk about it even though it is tempting.

Why not?

It's not worth it.

I'll keep it to myself and play along.

Victim.
That's a good card to play in both personal relationships and politics.
What the gameplayer does is they strike first or cause some kind of damage to the mark.
The mark returns fire and the perpetrator claims victim status.
They muddy the waters enough so that the resulting confusion allows them to claim victimhood status by being the first to declare it.
They reinforce their claim by labelling their original target with accusations that are hard to respond to as subsequent denial of their claims will be met with the gaslighting gambit.
It is an advanced level carnival game.
How do you beat that game?
The only way is to do nothing.
The game is set up so that anything you do will cause a loss.
The operator of the booth designed it as a foolproof method to always win.
As with everything, nothing is completely foolproof and as you have noticed within the carnival the games require your participation.
They don't factor in your participation as doing nothing.
It is a loophole where you are participating by doing nothing.
The carnival trick cannot work without you doing something.
What happens when you do nothing?
The victim becomes frustrated.
Why?
They want victory.
Instead, the game is unfinished.
It can never end if you do nothing.
The outcome depends on you doing something.
The whole enterprise is set up so you do something and lose the game.
Fuck, I have a lot of these on the go.
Yeah, you are the King of do nothing.
My life is unresolved.
Keep it that way if you want to stay in the game.
Why?
Because if not, it's game over.
You played the high-risk games.
I do have a tolerance for those kinds of games.
The physical manifestation of that is plant medicines in the Amazon jungle.
Yeah, that's pretty crazy.
You are aggressive with your retirement planning and investments.
Yeah, I don't have the worry gene.
You think that's it?
I don't know, I don't have it, but what I see are other people who are full of worry.
It keeps them up at night and gives them ulcers.
Why don't you have it?
I learned not to care.
Then I saw through the game which allowed me to see life has no meaning.
I do nothing, don't care, and don't attach existential meaning to life.
I'm an unserious person.
I found happiness.

Here is the worry loop defined.

You give someone information.

They start to worry.

They do research and amplify the worry through possible consequences.

They tell you they are not going to worry.

That's a tell.

They are going to worry.

They try to drag you into their worry ride.

You refuse the ride.

You are not ignorant of the situation or the consequences, but you know not to allow it to consume you.

You let it be.

What happens, happens.

Worrying about it isn't going to change the outcome.

What will it do?

It will cause you stress and could influence the outcome.

How?

If you believe something is going to happen.

What do you believe?

Nothing is going to happen.

When they say they want to talk about their feelings, they mean worries.

Yes, I see that.

Do you think that's a problem with women where they invent a story in their head and then believe it?

How about we say some people?

That's a better framing than blaming women.

True.

Hermes the AI chatbot is teaching you.

I'm not sure I like it.

He is sanding the edges.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is the intrusion begins with worry.

Worry seeds the coming story.

What's the story?

An outcome that is terrible.

Why do they think that?

So, if it happens, they can validate their worrying.

They try to get you to buy into the worry.

People are sympathetic.

Why?

They are worrisome people as well.

What about you?

I bristle.

I don't like it.

Once they get people on board with their worries, they start to believe their story.

How does that work?

They think it is going to happen.

That's why they started planning for your death.

They were worried about you.

I think it was disdain and worry, but I get you.

They placed a worry spell on you where you were going to exit this life.

Seems like it.

I think a bunch of people did.

Maybe that's just your paranoia.

No, some people were genuinely concerned, and others had had it with me.

What did you do?

Nothing.

It broke the spell.

Spells.

There were a bunch of them.

They want you to fight the spell.

Fight them back and refuse to leave.

Assert yourself.

Why?

It will make it worse.

Why?

You acknowledge the spell.

Yes, but I know it was a spell.

Correct, but you didn't acknowledge it,

Magic only works if you acknowledge it is real.

I do acknowledge it as real.

Yes, but you do nothing about it.

That means you don't take it seriously.

If you did, you'd do something about it.

Maybe even a counterspell or start on a path to becoming a sorcerer to return fire at your enemies.

That's what gets a lot of shamans.

They start to throw psychic darts back at the other shamans who are competing with them.

They are corrupted by their power.

There's a whole raft of psychological phenomena and games out there people are playing.

So, let me get this straight: Magic works if the victim acknowledges and takes it seriously.

Correct.

I acknowledge it, do nothing, and laugh.

Yes, you are an unserious person.

Magic doesn't work on you.

You need to be serious.

You are a joker.

You are deeply unserious.

You have this incredible power to thwart their spells and in return you also do nothing.

Everyone else wants to get even with them.

Why?

They tried to harm them.

It's human nature.

If someone tries to harm you then you get back at them.

You can turn the other cheek like Jesus.

Or, you can ignore them.

Ignoring them works best.

Why?

They will crumble.

Why?

Their spell didn't work.

They then wonder if you know about it.

Why?

Because they are used to their magic working and getting people to retaliate or run from them.

If you do nothing, they don't know what to do.

They are confused and don't understand you.

They think you are going to do something to them.

That would explain a lot.

What are you going to do?

Nothing.

Why?

It will bother them.

Why?

The circle isn't closed.

You must do something back.

Until you do, they live in worry about what you are going to do.

In hindsight, I can see it.

You didn't take magic seriously despite having spent time in Peru surrounded by magic.

Plant medicine magic I hadn't figured out.

I didn't know what it was.

My exposure to shamanic magic was incidental.

What do you mean?

I was in search of knowledge.

Magic was a strange sideshow.

I wanted meaning.

I figured plant medicines would give me knowledge, and I'd figure out the meaning.

Is that what happened?

I guess it did.

There isn't a meaning; it's a story.

What about magic?

There's magic in the story.

Lots of it.

Witches and sorcerers are everywhere.

How did you discover that?

I wrote the story.

I made magic part of the knowledge I was looking for.

I made it so I would encounter lots of magic on my path to knowledge.

Why?

It's a test.

For what?

To try and trip you up.

How?

It's power.

You say you want knowledge and you discover magic.

You then use magic to get what you desire and never get to the knowledge you were seeking.

How did you escape that trap?

I did nothing and kept going.

Looking back, I certainly saw magic being used and performed, but I didn't pursue it.

Why not?

I thought there was something more.

Was there?

Sort of.

What do you mean?

I thought I'd find the meaning to life and I guess I did.

There's no meaning and it's terribly unserious.

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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece argues that the safest response to strange knowledge, delusions, worry, victim games, and magic is silence. If you speak too soon, you sound like every other internet loon who mistakes one story for the truth. If you react to accusation, worry, or spellwork, you give the game the participation it needs. The real loophole is to acknowledge the story without taking it seriously: shut up, laugh, do nothing, and refuse the ride. Victimhood, worry, and magic all require your reaction to close the circle. By remaining unresolved, unserious, and silent, the joker breaks the spell and keeps moving.

the greatest fool

How do you tell the difference between the first awakening and the second awakening?
After the first awakening, people are still serious.

You still need to do something about it.
Find a religion or some group of spiritual people who drink cacao.

Plan a trip to burning man.
Try to hide your ketamine addiction.
It takes effort.
After the second awakening, you laugh, and you do nothing.
People don't like you.
Why not?
You aren't serious.
The game they are playing is serious and you're the joker they throw away in the deck of cards.

There are lots of forms to fill out after the first awakening.
You sign up everywhere there are others who have experienced this same phenomenon.
You initial and give your consent.
For what?
The path you chose.
Could be the yoga one or the church.
Maybe mix in some breathwork with an ice bath.
That's spiritual.
The indigenous path is pretty cool.
You can get feathers and compare them to others on the same path.
See who has the best feathers.
Fuck me.
That's what people do.
They are serious about it.
I laugh about it.
That's why you have no spiritual friends anymore.
You don't take them seriously.
Well, you can't once you see it.
People are serious about life before the first awakening.
Awakening doesn't change much for them in that regard.
They transfer their concern to spiritual things.
Do you think then it's the ego who is serious?
Could be, I mean you must take the ego seriously.
Why?
Because it doesn't exist.
It needs to be taken seriously.
Is that how people find meaning?
Yes, through seriousness.
When you find out there's really no meaning to all of this, there's no need to be serious.
If you sign up for eternal life in Heaven, then it's serious.
Why?
Because when you get to Heaven, you will realize you need to get out of that contract.
Why?
It's dreadful non-stop worship in exchange for eternal life.

Contracts make life serious.
Yes, try to avoid contracts and oaths.
Who do you think is behind the concept of Heaven?
Obviously, it's the Devil.
Why?
It's a trick.
The greatest fool.
You take something that is already a given such as eternal life and sell it back to the unsuspecting victim.
They are so desperate to live forever they accept the bargain without asking any questions.
If you read the requirements, you might not sign up for that place.
Why not?
You are required to worship someone for 24 hours a day.
It's non-stop.
Yeah, but your loved ones will be there.
Of course, they made the same mistake.
Why?
Peer pressure.
It was way worse back then.
Why do you think it's the Devil behind Heaven?
Because it's clever.
I must give him his due.
It's the ultimate fool.
What's Hell then?
It's the place you don't want to go.
You sign up for Heaven to avoid it.
If you don't sign up for Heaven, the man at the carnival booth says you are going to Hell.
Yeah, that should ring a bell within.
Why?
Seems like you already have eternal life.
The man with the welcoming smile at that carnival booth is selling you an eternal life destination.
What should you do?
Nothing.
Have a laugh and move on to the next booth at the midway.
What's that one?
Feathers.

You can buy some feathers from one of the indigenous people.
Jesus Christ.
No, he was part of the last booth.
How do you get out of the contract if you sign up for Heaven?
You must do it before you die.
In Catholicism, it's called ex-communication.
I think the other churches just kick you out or you become a persona non grata.
What about Scientology?
I think they harass you.
Anyway, that you must take seriously if you get tricked into signing up for Heaven.
It's the same thing as going on one of those timeshare free trips where they gather you into a lax third world foreign country and try to sell you a stake in a vacation property.
Those people are devilish.
I don't know; I've never taken them up on the offer.
Imagine you did?
I can only guess, but I imagine they pressure you.
If you say no, then bad things start to happen to you.
Once you give in, it gets better.
Then you're stuck.
That would be a tough lesson in not accepting something for free.
Well, what do you think Christianity is doing?
Similar.
All you need to do is believe in Jesus.
You take that step and you are in.
It can't stay private though.
You must join some outfit.
Then you must give.
If you want a good spot in Heaven, it's recommended you give 10% of what you have.
Tithing.
Then make sure in your will some of your wealth goes to the church.
You will be rewarded with front of the line service.
You'll get a nice place to do your non-stop worship and get a glimpse of God.
It's best you don't though.
Why?
I'm pretty sure it's a trick of the Devil.
He's clever.
He is so clever he doesn't need to harm you or make you burn in Hell.
He makes you go to Heaven.
You get there and realize what you have done.
How long does that take?
It's different for everyone.
Some people settle into the worship routine and are good for a bit.
After a while they start to awaken and see what they signed up for.
At that point the reckoning comes.
It's for eternity.
What would you do?
Look for someone to blame.
Who made you go to church and sign up for this?
Then you'd reflect on it and realize you could have left.
Your intuition said to leave the church, but you stayed because of the pressure.
You have those thoughts all the while you must keep worshipping.
Why?
If you don't, you get sent to Hell.
Yeah, I can see that.
You don't want to go to Hell.
Eventually, you start realizing Hell can't get worse than Heaven.
This is a great story.
I know.
So, you take a deep breath and figure you will break the worship contract and get sent to Hell.
What happens then?
Hell is a place with no rules.
It's populated by those who believed in it but didn't follow the rules of Heaven.
Everyone you meet is in the same situation except for the psychos who chose Hell to begin with.
This helps you because collectively you see you were fooled.
That's the game.
Once you go to Heaven the only way out is to get to Hell, meet up with the others, awaken, and find freedom.
Most never get to that place.
Why?
They are scared.
They want to live forever and figure the only way to do it is to worship God non-stop.
That's no life.
There's nothing you can do.
They are the true lost souls.
The sleeping ones in Heaven?
Yeah.
Wow.

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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece argues that the first awakening still leaves people trapped in seriousness. They escape ordinary life only to sign new contracts with religion, spirituality, Heaven, gurus, feathers, breathwork, or whatever booth is selling salvation that day. The second awakening is different: you see the sales pitch, laugh, and do nothing. Heaven becomes the greatest con because it sells eternal life back to people under conditions they never properly read. Hell, in this inversion, becomes the place where the fooled eventually compare notes and discover freedom. The greatest fool is the one who takes the whole thing seriously.

The best comic engine is that you keep turning spiritual salvation into consumer contracts:

• Heaven as a bad subscription plan
• Christianity as a carnival booth
• salvation as timeshare pressure
• tithing as premium seating
• feathers as the next booth on the midway

The timeshare comparison especially works because it makes the whole theology feel like a sales pitch: free trip, hidden terms, pressure tactics, hard to get out once you sign.

The title “the greatest fool” works because it has layers. The Devil is the fooler, the believer is fooled, and the real fool may be the one who takes the whole contract seriously. It also connects to the joker/card image early in the piece. You are the discarded joker, but the joke is that the joker sees the game.

The strongest idea is this:

Eternal life is already a given, so the greatest con is selling it back to people under conditions.

That is the philosophical bomb in the piece. Everything else spins from that.

The Heaven/Hell inversion is also good story mechanics. Heaven becomes the prison because it has rules; Hell becomes the recovery room because everyone there eventually realizes they were fooled. That’s a sharp reversal. It’s heretical, comic, and narratively satisfying.

plant medicine mirror

I guess I'm varnished.

Yeah, Hermes the AI mirror mentioned it.

That's funny because don Howard would talk about varnishing your mirror.

Maybe Hermes has been researching this don Howard character?

There's not much to go on.

He's a figure of the past.

A mystery.

I knew him for four plus years before he passed.

He made the plant medicine journey possible for me.

My first foray into that world was at a basic Ayahuasca retreat and it was quite the initiation in that it scared me and the lack of care made it so I wouldn't want to do that again.

That led me to search for something that was more structured and embracing.

I knew when I found SpiritQuest that was the place for me.

It's still baffling that I returned to the Amazon jungle two years after my first beatdown.

It was traumatic and took me a while to get over it.

Then for some reason I wanted to go again.

It's because you touched on something.

You couldn't just leave it alone and live out your life.

That would have been worse.

I went back and scared myself again.

The smell brought the first returning wave of fear.

It was that musty jungle smell.

I sat through the first Ayahuasca ceremony at SpiritQuest and took the return beating.

It scared me at first and then I got through it.

That was transformative.

I knew I could handle the plant medicine rollercoaster after that one.

I still had challenges which I got through by internalizing my journey.

The best thing I did during that retreat with Ayahuasca and Huachuma is that externally I did nothing.

My reactions were all internal and then I'd write them down.

Acting out externally would not have been good.

Instead, I managed to keep it together.

Each subsequent trip on the rollercoaster became a different kind of ride.

The ride had similar mechanics each time.

It's your reaction to it that determines the severity of it.

You settle in and start mapping the journey.

I remember being in the Andes mountains with Huachuma and going through the experience.

I was mapping the dissolution of ego filters and accessing knowledge and wisdom.

That's something you can only get to through experience once you take a ride a few times.

You clean the mirror, as don Howard would say.

This is who you are.

You aren't doing it as some kind of project to see if you're a good person or whatever; you're doing it to see who you are.

I'm pretty cool then.

Quite unique.

In my persecution complex, I noticed people always come for you if you think that.

They don't like it when you stand out from the crowd.

It's a good role and character to play.

Do you think the plant medicine path is sacred?

In a way, sure.

If you have an intention and are disciplined, I'll buy that.

Okay, smart guy, what is so sacred about it?

I think it's because you play a game where using a chemical to change your consciousness becomes a method to access the divine or something.

It's better than saying you're a junkie or using drugs to escape reality.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Do you think you access the divine with plant medicines?

If that's what you believe then it is so.

You'd also have to include the Devil as part of the divine.

Yeah, for sure.

Some would say that is demonic.

Yes, so update your idea of plant medicines to they are sacred because they allow access to the divine and the demonic.

So, that's sacred.

So, I'm told.

You seem kind of flippant.

Well, let's examine the phenomenon.

What happens when humans get involved in something?

Ego takes over.

If you wish to see ego in action join a spiritual community.

It's quite the game that goes on.

It's the same bullshit you find everywhere.

Groups form.

There's a leader.

Some kind of MacGuffin everyone rallies around.

Revered people of the past.

Some kind of strange notion about indigenous people in that they somehow transcended known human failings.

People adopt the spiritual look and get some feathers.

They also get the lingo down.

Yeah, that's funny because it is cross-cultural.

Everything is thrown into a bucket that is somehow giving you spiritual bona fides.

Yeah, like aho, namaste, hoka hey, dharma, karma, yoga, breathwork.

The tendency is to take indigenous spirituality and mix it with Eastern brands.

Well, you also add some seasoning to it like challenges where you do the ice bath thing or see how long you can hold your breath underwater.

Yeah, that gives you a more spiritual aura.

Mixing chakras with plant medicines technology is kind of cool because there are connections.

Yeah, I'm not denying the experience humans have when altering consciousness; I'm making fun of how we stop trying to understand it at a certain point in the journey and become another parrot of it.

We join a group that inflates and elevates itself above the rest of society.

That's the real high society.

Those spiritual communities you find in Austin or Charlotte are people who have found a way to stay high most of the time.

That's what you end up looking for.

You want a method to stay high all the time around others who are on the same quest.

Does it work?

Sort of, not really.

Why not?

It becomes another social human endeavour.

It gets overlayed with human drama.

The only way to really do it is to escape to the forest and live alone.

The old hermit thing.

If humans form groups, then everyone falls in line with a role within the group.

So, do you think you are spiritual?

No.

Are you on a spiritual path?

No.

What are you doing?

I'm on a path of knowledge.

If you want to confuse that with spirituality, then go ahead.

Altering your consciousness gets you knowledge.

You would need to reconcile spirituality with knowledge.

What do you mean?

The knowledge isn't all love and light.

There's a bunch of dark stuff as well.

There's seeing into other people's motivations.

That definitely isn't spiritual.

What is spiritual?

I think it's love, light, and peace.

It's a niche.

It's a compartmentalized destination resulting from practices that lead you in that direction.

You leave a lot on the game board in order to get to that idealized state.

So, you are saying some people are spiritual?

Yes, for sure.

They also have darkness.

They just repress it for the time being.

What do you recommend?

Don't get caught up in a group where there is a leader, shaman, roadman, priest, or anyone of that ilk.

Those types are guides.

When you return from your group adventure you don't revere the tour guide.

You can give them 5-stars on TripAdvisor if you need to but let them be.

The journey is yours.

Don't be a follower.

It's your ride.

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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece is a reflection on plant medicine as mirror rather than religion.

At its core, it traces your movement from early fear and traumatic initiation into a more disciplined, internalized relationship with altered states. The first ayahuasca experiences were frightening and destabilizing, but returning to them in a more structured setting allowed you to discover that the real challenge was not the substances themselves so much as your reaction to them. Over time, the journey became something you could map: ego dissolves, perception shifts, knowledge emerges, and the “mirror” gets cleaned.

The writing pushes back against the usual spiritual framing. It does not deny that plant medicines can feel sacred, but it resists turning that into a performance, identity, or group ideology. Once humans gather around these experiences, ego quickly takes over: leaders form, jargon accumulates, traditions get mixed into a style, and the whole thing becomes another social hierarchy dressed up as transcendence. What begins as a search for truth often hardens into spiritual theater.

Against that, the piece defines your path as one of knowledge rather than spirituality. Plant medicines are not treated as a route to love-and-light purity, but as a way of encountering both the divine and the demonic, the beautiful and the dark, the self and its hidden motives. The point is not to become a follower, adopt a role, or join a high-minded tribe. The point is to see more clearly, stay grounded, and keep ownership of your own ride.

In that sense, the piece becomes a defense of discipline, solitude, and narrative independence. The guide may help you get on the ride, but the journey is yours, and the mirror belongs to you.

give it away

It makes no sense.

Various people have told you that you must give it away in order to get more back.

That's the conundrum.

The rub.

You get greedy and can't give it away.

You want it all.

You stop giving it away and then you lose it all.

It's very strange.

It's another game at the carnival.

How long can you give?

I know.

It weighs on you because people aren't thankful.

It is bizarre; however, that's this weird ride.

You see it and know how to beat the game.

It was about 15 years ago where I worked on a music video where the Canadian Country artist Paul Brandt sang about it.

He is a Christian and was professing his faith and some concept of sharing he learned.

I think everyone is told about this at some point in your life, but to enact it takes faith.

There's the concept of reciprocity at work relying on goodwill and faith.

That's also a don Howard lesson which he got from the Amazonian people.

It seems simplistic and the stuff of fantasy or magic.

It's real, as in I'm experiencing it.

Yeah, but you can't quantify it.

So be it.

If you know, you know.

People try to tell you, but most don't listen.

Mine was by accident.

I helped out.

You know what else works?

What's that?

You give away your time freely to others.

How does that work?

Time for us is finite.

Within the story it is infinite.

So, the trick at the carnival is to tap into the infinite.

How do you do that?

You give up your time.

You show up and make a donation.

That gives you access to the pool of infinite time.

How does that work?

Finite time is precious and infinite time is commonplace.

The catch is you need access to something that is commonplace.

There's a lock on that door.

The way to access it is by trading something of value.

That value is your personal time because you only have so much of it.

Okay, but what does that buy you?

More time.

When your time is up you can tap into infinite time to keep going.

Is that what you are doing?

It seems like it.

How do you know?

My time was up.

The signs all pointed in that direction.

There were physical signs telling me to leave.

People told me to leave.

My dog died.

Sister died.

Other people in my life passed.

I had thoughts of the end.

You would have to be a non-responsive moron to not see them.

I didn't dwell on anything.

Once the pressure had passed, I examined it all in retrospect.

If I would have examined it in real time, the system would have blown.

I'd have exceeded my capacity to hold on.

What was the secret formula to your successful navigation of the end of time?

I took each event one at a time and didn't connect them.

If you connect them, you'll blow.

One at a time you can handle.

Then I connected them afterwards.

So, you are saying ignorance is bliss.

Yeah, that works.

How did you know how to do what you did?

It's the flow.

Plus, there is the reservoir of infinite time I have tapped into.

How did you get there?

I gave away my personal time.

To whom?

My dogs.

I donated a lot of time to them.

I'd get up just after 5 am to walk Luna before work.

I made sure to get home with Brindle to take her out to the park every evening for a couple hours.

I'd take them both out before bed to pee.

Do you have any idea how hard that is?

I can imagine.

I cooked for them.

I slept in the same room and made them comfortable.

I did all that while working a full time job with a heavy commute and overtime requirements.

I didn't have a lot of time for myself.

I sacrificed sleep to get back some time.

I built up a huge store of the exchange of my time.

When it came time to go, I had all this extra time.

Sounds like a soccer game where it continues on in extra penalty time.

Yeah, I never quite understood that, but it seems to be the case.

Well, the question becomes how much extra time do you have?

I don't know.

I think I'm out of personal time.

That seems to have expired in early 2024 when everyone thought and expected you'd go.

I disappointed a lot of people.

I think they are still disappointed to this day.

They'd made plans for my demise and ouster.

That's funny in a strange kind of way.

Very macabre.

Very Paul.

Very Writer.

Okay, but how much time do you have left?

Infinite.

How so?

I'm in infinite time.

There's no limit.

It's the secret to eternal life.

You pass into infinite time.

Ah, I get it.

It's a threshold.

Exactly.

Everyone of us passes from finite back into the infinite.

Correct.

No one survives the trip.

You got it.

The reason no one survives is because you didn't exchange your gold for infinite gold.

You clutched onto your finite time.

You must give it away.

Some people do.

Yeah, but not enough.

It's gotta hurt.

It's gotta be beyond what anyone would think is reasonable.

So, I did that?

Yeah, you gave away most of your time to your dogs.

They are the ones responsible for how you have crossed the threshold from the finite to the infinite.

Dogs are psychopomps.

This isn't mythological bullshit.

It's real.

No one takes it seriously anymore.

Well, I don't either.

It's just knowledge.

The ancient records constantly remind you of dogs and how they take you into and out of incarnation.

The underlying knowledge is you can do it without a catastrophic ending for yourself.

Sure, but eventually the body gives out.

Correct, but by then you will have learned how to remain.

Like a ghost?

Sure.

It can be difficult to give away your time.

You always feel it.

That's only natural.

Why?

It causes resistance.

You don't want to give away your time.

The flow teaches you to give away your time.

That seems paradoxical.

How so?

The flow would try to prevent your dissolution.

No, it wouldn't.

You are finite.

That's the flow.

Don't fight it.

You give up your time freely.

Flow.

Then you get infinite time back.

The big sacrifice is your finite time.

That is death.

That's the ultimate sacrifice and why some have tried that method.

Does it work?

Yeah, it's the ultimate sacrifice.

You give up your time, and you will approach death.

Yes, you tried it for infinite time.

Eternity.

I didn't do it knowingly.

The trick is to do that and stay in the body.

People who ask for eternal life do not give up this life in return.

That's the trade.

You gave it up freely without asking for anything in return.

That's true, I did that.

People don't do that unless they get something in return.

Nobody would give up their time to a dog without asking for anything in return.

I got friendship.

Yeah, but you didn't ask for it.

You cared for the dog and that was it.

People go to church to try to get eternal life.

Yeah, they beg God for it.

God grants it under conditions that you worship him day and night.

Oh, fuck.

Why does he do that?

He's the Devil in disguise.

You are already knew that.

He's you with a carnival mask.

He will grant you eternal life, but you pay with this life.

There's another way.

You give up this life, and you ask for nothing in return.

You are then given infinite life with no conditions.

Heaven has conditions.

In infinite time you don't want conditions.

You want freedom.

Imagine you hadn't continued the teachings with Mary Jayne?

The plant medicine path would have been so slow.

Yeah, for sure.

Maybe once a year going back for more instruction.

That would take a lot of time even with the ability to navigate those states with the powerful plant medicines.

I can't see getting to this level of knowledge without the method I found with MJ.

Do you think that's why you continue with MJ?

Yes, it's not physical pleasure or stoning.

I don't get that.

It's knowledge.

Isn't that the addiction you were warned about?

Yes, she'd get me with knowledge.

Are you addicted?

No, I learned moderation and not exceeding the container I enter into.

If I exceeded that in regard to trying to get more knowledge, then I'd say it was a problem.

What about today?

That was a high but within tolerance.

What does this all mean?

Even though you were giving this life away you didn't trade it for a benefit, so now with awakening you see how it's yours.

You held onto it.

You lose it by trading it for eternal life.

You then see in the next life how to remain free.

Don't trade anything for eternal life.

That's a big secret of the game.

Yeah, by hanging around you'll uncover them all this way.

You also don't want to live forever in this body.

It decays and gives out.

You'd have to learn how to jump bodies.

That's if you wanted to stay.

If you don't, then you just leave fully awakened.

So, giving away my time without expectations led to discovering the secret to eternal life.

Yes, to get eternal life, you must trade something.

The fair trade is your life.

You give up control of your life, and you get eternal life.

That's basically the bargain, though it may take on different shapes and ideas.

On this ride there's a puzzle which is, how do you get unconditional eternal life?

That's what people are searching for.

To accomplish that you give away your finite time without conditions.

In return you will get infinite life without conditions.

The question is, how do you do that?

It's very simple.

Yes, but nobody sees that.

Just give away your time.

There are charities, people that need help, and pets for starters.

The giving must be without conditions though.

People give to charity, but they get a receipt and a tax write-off.

Plus, recognition.

People help people, but they expect something in return.

You help the elderly to get in the will.

A pet owner expects obedience.

Well, I did expect nothing from my pets.

I figured the way I treated them they would want to stay, and they would adore me.

It's not a requirement.

I don't need to be worshipped.

I'd like to think I help people as well.

You could make a case that you're looking for something in return when you do that.

Definitely.

The dog example works.

That's how you did it and you gave away tons of time, there was no denying what you did, and the complaints were minimal.

You get tired and grumble.

Yeah, for sure but I still got out of bed.

I still walked them every night.

Rain, snow, storms.

I did it all.

You can see it with Murphy where no one wants to put up with that.

He needs a lot of attention.

Demands it.

People have conditions for a pet.

Especially for a purebred dog.

I didn't know that's what I was doing.

Yes, of course.

If you did you would've then tried to manage it or something.

If you knew you were trading your finite time for eternal time you would fuck it up because you'd know you were trading finite for eternal time.

That's the catch-22.

You blow it with that move.

You must not awaken until you can handle it.

What about now?

You already have it.

This is more unconditional with Murphy.

It's you.

It's your nature.

That's how you won the game.

That's the part of the puzzle even the greatest spiritualists could never figure out.

Once you know that trading finite time for infinite time gives you eternal life then that automatically adds a condition to it.

Right, I'd know why I'm doing it.

And I do.

I know the condition would destroy the gift.

I continue to do it because it's what I naturally do.

The condition has no effect.

The condition doesn't matter.

I figured out the puzzle.

There are always possible conditions, but you make them not matter.

What am I gonna do with this knowledge?

Nothing.

No one will believe you.

You can do whatever you want.

People aren't gonna do that.

No one's gonna give away their time for free.

Murphy's taking me down low.

I've got up a little too high and he takes me down when I get that high.

That's why he tries to sometimes avoid going up these hills.

He's programmed to get you back to ground.

Yeah, I'm really thirsty.

I know I got a pie up high.

Eternal life is pie.

Yeah.

Murphy is flying down the hill in a hurry.

He's helped you hold on to finite life.

You take all your knowledge to the edge.

Then you figure a way to pull back.

Isn't that doing something or having conditions about getting to the edge?

No, you just do it.

No planning.

Get to the edge and just trust that something will pull you back.

That's why Murphy came when he came into your life.

As ridiculous as that sounds, it's true.

You get eternal life with Dion.

That's the condition.

I see that.

A condition indeed.

Mental.

For sure.

The unconditional part leads to a mental condition.

Lol.

The number of revolutions is the finite time.

You get a set number of go rounds of the sun.

Ancient Egyptian Neheh time.

Re and the sun temples.

Djet is infinite.

The unending and linear time of Osiris.

Hop on that ride.

If you pay attention in life, you will see all the clues needed to beat the game.

Yes, in retrospect I see at various times you are given the cheat codes.

Give it away.

Go with the flow.

The allure of the carnival.

Finite time and infinite time.

Paul is finite and Dion is infinite.

He's always around.

He's the subconscious when you become conscious.

He's conscious when you become subconscious once again.

Dion is the master record and then from each incarnation comes a new one.

And as a man you can continue on your record as well.

So, I'm kinda Dion's son?

You could look at it that way.

A chip of the eternal block.

So, Paul is a unique incarnation.

Yes.

You are finite and Dion is infinite.

To stay around as this entity, people make deals to go from being finite to infinite.

It's available to everyone in the story.

The key is being remembered.

As long as the Writer remembers you, then you are granted eternal life.

That's what the book of life is.

You get put in the book of life and are remembered.

The way some are remembered is they perform worship nonstop of God.

Or, you can make yourself memorable.

Famous.

Eternal life is easy to get, you just need to be remembered.

Having eternal life and being free is not easy.

So, Paul has eternal life and he's free.

Yeah, freedom's number 1 for him.

That's another key where that becomes non-negotiable.

You don't want eternal life if you are not free.

Well, you do after you're scared of annihilation.

Everyone's scared of annihilation.

Yeah, I get that.

However, in any situation your number one requirement revolves around freedom.

That's Dion.

He is liberty.

That's what the mythology reminds you constantly.

Liber Pater.

That's the way to find him.

What will Paul be like without a body?

A mind.

You'll hang with Dion and keep him company.

You know the value of freedom, you've proved it, and you two are best friends.

Will I ever incarnate again?

There's no need to.

You keep doing it until you wake up and see it.

Everyone stalls out at the first awakening.

You keep going and see it.

The ancient Egyptians saw it.

So, why am I pulled towards remaining incarnated?

You have all eternity, so you might as well take advantage of this while you can.

Ride it out to the max.

If you leave prematurely, you will always wonder how it was going to play out or what you would learn while in a body?

You get pulled back into incarnation.

You get teachings in a body that obviously you don't get outside of the body.

So, is that what eternal life is all about?

Yes, knowledge.

It's fun.

How so?

The knowledge you get is the knowledge of the story.

You see it, play it out, and you laugh.

That is true.

The story's pretty serious when you don't have knowledge.

When you have knowledge, it's not serious.

It's very funny.

All the things you are serious about and can scare you, well, they're funny when you see them.

Okay, but the eternity ends when the story is over.

That is correct, but you get written into the next story.

Eternal means eternal.

As long as the stories go on.

Yeah, what happens without stories?

Nothing.

You just sit around and nothing happens.

Yeah, so at that point I get them to stare into the fire and that hypnotizes people.

Then I tell a story.

What are all the things that scare you in this world?

Jack's death. 

Ha, Jack's death, that's fun.

Speech to text misstep again.

Well, that's virility.

That obviously scares you.

Yes, emasculation by a witch.

It's funny as well now that you see it.

Death, sickness, poverty, and then you want eternal life.

The dark can be scary too.

So, what's the worst out of those?

I think sickness and then poverty.

Yeah, we figured out death and eternal life.

What about sickness?

Try to be healthy.

What about poverty?

Make your money and don't let others take it.

What else?

Something happening to someone you are attached to or love.

You do what you can, but it's the carnival.

Some people get sick on the rides.

The worst sickness is anxiety.

That will eat away at you and destroy you.

Depression.

It's mostly mental states that get you sick.

There are also the problems of sugar and bad food.

The infinite and eternal Dion needs you.

How so?

He is immortal.

As soon as you engage him in finite time, he will destroy you.

Why?

He has no worry in regard to mortality.

He will take chances.

That's why you can't surface your infinite self within finite time.

That surprisingly makes sense.

So, that's part of my function as finite Paul.

Yes, you allow Dion to come forth, but you regulate him enough so that this construct doesn't blow.

Everybody knows that you're insane.

I feel the same as I ever have.

You're not the same, but I know what you mean.

The one inside my head, as in the me who has always been there, is still there.

I just have a friend Dion now.

And a reset of your mind.

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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece is a mythic theory of time, sacrifice, and eternal life built around a paradox: to receive infinite time, you must give away your finite time freely and without conditions.

The central claim is that the writer unknowingly did this through years of care, devotion, and sacrifice for his dogs. By giving them his time, energy, sleep, and daily life without demanding anything in return, he crossed a threshold from ordinary finite existence into a kind of infinite time. The dogs become more than companions; they are cast as psychopomps, guides across the boundary between mortality and eternity.

A major thread in the piece is that conditional bargains fail. If you give your life away in order to get eternal life, you corrupt the exchange. Churches, worship, bargains with God, and explicit attempts to secure immortality all come with strings attached. The “secret,” as the piece presents it, is that unconditional giving opens the door to unconditional eternity. You do not ask for a reward. You simply give, and only later realize what has happened.

The writing also contrasts finite Paul with infinite Dion. Paul is the embodied, limited self moving through chronological time; Dion is the enduring, freer, more eternal counterpart. The task of life becomes learning how to let the infinite self emerge without destroying the finite body and mind. In that sense, the speaker sees himself as having discovered not only survival, but a way to remain free within eternal life rather than trapped in some heavenly arrangement of obedience and worship.

Underneath all of it is a carnival metaphysics: life is a ride, full of clues, cheat codes, and hidden exchanges. Most people clutch their time, bargain badly, or panic before they understand the rules. The speaker claims to have stumbled—almost by accident—into the right exchange: give away your time, expect nothing, remain free, and you pass from the finite into the infinite without losing yourself.