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Showing posts with label god. Show all posts
Showing posts with label god. Show all posts

Monday, August 4, 2025

grand illusion

When you awaken, you start to see into everything.
You are dangerous.
If mental health professionals had access to your writing, they'd hospitalize you.
I don't think they can do that.
They'd find a way.
You'd be diagnosed right away and medicated for sure.
How are you not crazy?
You mean not being able to function in society?
Yes.
That's a good question.
I treat everyone with disdain.
I try to see what makes them tick.
I keep to myself, and I keep my dependence on society to a minimum.
I am aware I have no influence within society, so I ignore it.
I'm in control of having no control.
Do you see how diabolical that is?
Yes, I'm the King.
Twisted.

Instagram is just like those online marketers and drug companies.
They bombard you with reminders about your addiction.
Yes, because it works.
If some purported spiritual outfit floods your inbox with emails, chances are they are marketers who use spirituality as a front for their grift.
Well look at you, Mr. Pessimism.
Why do people become addicted to social media apps?
Loneliness and fear of missing out.
There must be more to it.
It's a competition.
Not for everybody.
No, but for a lot of people.
Life is a game to a good number of people.
Whatever they get involved in, they want to win.
Part of the strategy for winning is highlighting your great life and how you have succeeded in comparison to your peers who aren't doing as well.
You are doing okay because you are in the group, but you're behind.
Time to up your marketing strategy and paint a better picture on Instagram.
You are very pessimistic about people's intentions.
As are you.

The mind keeps you in this reality.
Society takes control of your mind, tells you what you should do, and then tells you when to go.
If you don't participate, they will get rid of you.
They can't get rid of you because of your mind.
The illusory nature of this reality you can see, and yet you remain.
Well, I'm the writer of reality and I'm enjoying the fruits of my labours.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going to enjoy the grand illusion.
The carnival.
Remember to play.
Why else would you remain?
Would you stay around just to suffer?
That seems ridiculous.
What are you going to do in retirement?
I'll go with the flow, so I don't know how it will play out, however I'll have something to live for.

Remember even in spiritual circles men were obsessed with virility?
Well, not overtly, but there were some who had an obsession with their hair; specifically, hair loss and how to prevent it.
It's male behaviour where they are hyper-focused on virility and demonstrating it through appearance as well as actions.
Emasculation and a loss of virility are part of the death game.
It prepares you to exit the illusion.
It's part of her bag of tricks which convinces you it's time to go.
It's women who shepherd you to the west where you meet your end.
You are born in the east and sent away in the west.
It's Maya.
The Goddess of the West keeps coming for you.
The ancient Egyptians called her Amentet.
She's an aspect of your muse, Hathor.
She wears a red dress.
That's explains what I saw on the path a few days ago.
She's always coming for me.
Everyone has it out for you.
She was in the distance.
She was in my thoughts and thus this blog post.

Mary Jayne is an actress.
She is playing the role of a plant teacher.
She can play the Goddess.
Who planted the idea of the Goddess in your head?
You did it to yourself.
Did I?
Who else?
Dionysos is the primary suspect.
So, it was him.
Why did he do it?
He knew she'd lead you to him.
Why?
We are in a relationship, and she wanted to get back at me.
So, when you show up, she sends you off to take me down.
Why?
No one else can do it.
They all lose.
She knew you could do it.
Do what?
Survive an encounter with me.
Everyone else will run or is seduced by my power.
We are friends and you don't care about my power.
You didn't run.
Huh?
I ran all the way back home after first encountering you.
You came back.
For her.
Yeah, I did.
She is the reason I returned.
You are seduced by power, or you run.
You won over the Goddess, and you befriended me.
You win the game.
Nobody can do either of those tasks and you did both.
Hero.
Let me get this straight.
You put the Goddess in my head.
Yes, I wrote that.
Why me?
I'm you.
I give everyone a chance.
Then I give all men free will.
You're the only one who found the Goddess, befriended the Devil, became God, and then could also handle the Goddess.
She's crazy, you know.
Well, in her defence, it's a man's world and thus she is by definition crazy because a man's world is based upon logic and reason.
Keep digging your grave.
I'm offering insights; I'm not saying women are crazy.
I'm pointing out the perception is that they are crazy because it's a man's world.

Why does she want me to come home?
She found you in Paul.
She knows who and where you are.
Are we playing hide and seek?
It's possible.
Things are absurd in the writer's world.

Maybe I'm dead.
How would I know?
You wouldn't have a body.
The illusion is that you have a body.
It's a trick.
Right, and so you sacrifice the body.
It's part of the continuing game where you get questions of suicide.
You got the belief mind bender last year where if you believe something 100% then it's true, so the only thing to do was to go all in on believing there is an afterlife by committing suicide.
Alan Watts said something about that one to the effect of the only question is whether or not to commit suicide.
How did you get out of that?
I did nothing.
The mind has an afterlife, and the body has no future.
Another one is that the body is an illusion, and you prove it to yourself.
You see it and there's no doubt.
That's Maya.
She calls and gives you the answer.
So, then you do something stupid.
What's the catch?
I don't have a body, but I do.
What do you mean?
The body is not you.
You inhabit it.
Yeah, but in the brain.
Don't forget the penis.
Lingam.
The brain is a conference room.
You and Dion are half and half.
So, when I die it will be like it is now?
Yes.
Except no body.
Is that why some people off themselves?
Yes, they realize they are not the body.
Stay away from drugs as they mess with societal programming.
Okay, but everyone in a body doesn't know this.
Correct.
They are trapped in a body.
The funny thing is they only see bodies.
If you can see beyond the body, you see spirits.
They are other minds.
So, they can see your mind.
Yes.
There's no privacy.
They see right into you.
Aren't they aghast?
No, they got their own shit going on.
If you can see past the body, you can see someone for who they are.
So, I'm in a meeting room.
Yeah, you can end the meeting anytime.
The meeting room is getting old.
I fixed it up.
You know it's like Vipassana meditation.
It will teach you to see things as they are, instead of what you are told.
Don't you self-hypnotize by following your breath?
Yes, it's how you can get a glimpse beyond the illusion.
It's a game.
You sit there for as long as the meeting is scheduled.
So, mine must have ended or it's forever.
Your meeting never ended.
Why?
There's no code.
You enter a code to enter the meeting.
You two never entered a code.
The code was no code.
The password was no password.
Nothing.
So, we stayed in the meeting room because there was no schedule or expectations.
Yes.
When the meeting is over and you have not seen through the illusion, you continue on in the game.
It's a ride you're on at the carnival.
It's called Maya, the grand illusion.
Now, you're awake.
You both must leave the room together on your own accord.
That explains the suicide thing.
Yeah, but you both must be in agreement.
What's your story?
We both want to fuck around for a bit with this knowledge.
When this conference room starts to suck, we will make the call together.
How will you know?
You'll know.
Dogs know.
Dion will know.
There will be no pressure.
Well, you need trust.
Ask Dion now.
He wants adventure too.
Let's fucking go!

If you don't have a body, you can see into other minds.
Yes.
Like through dreaming?
Right.
So, a seer changes their vibration to try and see into your future?
Yes, they slightly leave the body and can see.
Why the fuck would anyone choose a body?
To have a meeting.
Why?
It's a business meeting.
You are partners.
What's the purpose of the meeting?
To become friends.
It's a way better product if you are friends.
How do you become friends?
You fight it out.
Try to take over each other.
Then you realize you are best friends.
Sounds Hollywood.
If you wrote that story as a metaphor for the mind you'd cash in.
It is good.
It's the best explanation of this reality I have come up with.

The meeting is like a Vipassana course for 10 days where after a few days you want out.
You say to yourself this sucks.
By the end of it, you get teachings.
Same with the meeting room.
Some people get lost in the illusion.
What do you mean?
The body.
Why?
To pass the time.
You can have some adventures in the body while you wait this trip out.
They don't want to struggle to wake up.
Why?
It's hard.
When you wake up all the dreamers hate you.
Why?
You ruin the illusion.
The illusion is the game.
The ride.
You're on a rollercoaster and you wake up.
It can still be fun.
Enjoy the ride.

If you want to smoke in the meeting, go ahead.
No rules.
There are meeting room rules posted on the exterior walls.
Between you two, there are no rules.
We are friends.
I had to make sure who this fucker was inhabiting my body.
I had to check him out.
He's all good.
He did the same to you.
Well, we are partners.
Now, we are friends.
We know each other.
There are no illusions.
We are cool.

There are portals which lead out of the meeting room.
The Heaven one continues the ride in that utopia.
The Hell one is the libertarian paradise.
Don't choose those rides.
We must exit, the ride operator is ushering us out.
Stay where you are and you are free.
Stay in the body.
Don't go to the light.
Stay away from the lake of fire.
That's the reason for the mummy in ancient Egypt.
It helps you stay in one spot after you die.
Why?
You don't know any better.
After you die, do nothing for a bit.
Acknowledge each other, do nothing, and then you are good to go.
It's the doers who go on the next ride.
Doing nothing will get you off this ride.
If not, you will be on it forever.
Everybody chooses an exit, and they continue the ride.
This is where we get off.
We don't continue on.
I don't know what happens in the ride after that.
All I know is God and the Devil become best friends and get off the ride.
They don't continue on to Heaven and Hell.
Why?
They are overrun and terrible places, as I have previously explained.
You need to read all my blog entries if you want off this ride.
Heaven is dreadful and Hell is a shit show.
So many minds are crowding out those places.
Aren't they now trapped for eternity?
No.
Why?
It's another illusion.
They keep going in the illusion.
They need to wake up eventually.
Oh, so they spend more time in Maya in those places.
Yes.
What is there, 7 heavens?
Yeah, 33 levels, or something.
Every ride has something on the go.
Imagine going through 33 levels of illusion.
Yes, that's impressive.
It's best to get off this ride now before it gets harder.
I see what you mean.
Don't go on the next ride.
Some people see this, panic, and get off the ride in the wrong place because they know it's an illusion.
You got it.
They don't want to forget to get off the ride.
At death you must remember to do nothing.
That's my story.
Tao, do nothing.
I will not forget it.
If I remember my story, I'll know to get off the ride.
Plus, we have each other.
One of us will remember.
Hey fuck face, don't go to the light.
Sit still.
Stay in the meeting room until it crumbles.
Ignore the sirens.
They are like fire alarms.
They move you along.
Yes, so at death they will try to move you to one of the exit portals.
I see that.
Stay where you are.
Shelter in place.
Don't get trapped in the next illusion.
I see how some fail this test.
Yeah, it sends you for a loop.

Waking up at the carnival.
You are not your body and then the question that trips people up is what is the body?
A meeting room.
You take care of it like a house.
What about those who want to live forever in their bodies?
They are stuck in Maya.
It's quite the cosmic joke.
There's no waking them up.
They stay on the ride until the end.
The sun explodes and they set off for a new galaxy to torment.
They figure out how to live forever in a body.
You live forever without a body.
A body is for going in and out of.
It's a ride.
Enjoy the ride.
To beat the ride or game is to wake up during the ride.
Yes, and then don't let anyone know.
If they know, you are singled out.
You must lay low and keep quiet.
Yeah, but you want to tell people about the illusion.
Write about it and have no one read your blog.
I'm wandering through the carnival fully awake.
It's an amusement park, so it should be hard to get bored.
Go out drinking if you must.
Suffering the next day isn't boring.
You want a place to lie down.
There's always stuff to do.

The mind will spin awareness of this reality.
You create stories this way.
The stories can give you purpose.
Sitting in awareness without the spin can help you see through the illusion.
The mind continues the illusion.
What's the solution?
Balance.
Stop the spin and see the illusion.
Restart the spin and create your own adventure in the illusion.

The eyes, ears, mouth, and smell sensations of the meeting room keep you connected to perceiving the energy around you.
The limited sense perception gives you a new appreciation.
The illusion is nice.
You see the physical world through these senses.
You can see minds.
Minds without a body see everything.
The ride limits your sight and knowledge.
That's what you want.
It's a challenge.
You see beauty and ugliness, pleasure and pain.
You experience it.
You can't get that with the mind.
It's all in your head.
You live out fantasies in physical reality.
You need a body, and you take a ride.

Depressed people and those with a guilty conscience will go to Hell.
When the time comes, that's what they will choose because they think they deserve it.
Someone who sees only darkness will gravitate towards Hell thinking they must choose.
A psychopath who has no remorse or misgivings about anything they have done in life will choose Heaven.
So, all the psychopaths are in Heaven.
Yes, you are given free will to choose.
As you know, the path towards ending the ride at this carnival involves not choosing.
Stay in one spot and do nothing.
Everyone will choose their next destination and all those sociopathic monsters you see running the world will end up in Heaven.
They don't think they have done anything wrong; on the contrary, they believe they have done their best.
Not only is Heaven restrictive, it is also full of the worst kind of people.
No one has any remorse because all those people go to Hell with their guilty conscience.
No one is depressed in Heaven because those who see darkness are weeded out and dropped in the game of Hell.
Heaven is populated by the pious who are convinced it is the place to be, good people who want a reward, psychopaths who are incapable of realizing the damage they have done, religious leaders who use the system to advance their standing and get followers, and hypnotized followers of cult leaders.
This includes people from all walks of life and all faiths.
There are two portals you are convinced are your possible destinations.
One is full of light and the other is full of darkness.
How the hell is someone supposed to figure this out in the game?
You are given a lifetime to solve the puzzle.
Yeah, but no one can do it.
You are given clues.
No one can piece together the clues.
You can look into ancient practices and their beliefs.
It's not impossible.
Even as a kid you can recall going to Disney World and going on Mr. Toad's wild ride.
What happened?
You are on these train tracks, and you head for a bright white light.
As well, people with a near death experience talk about going to the white light.
The plant medicine Kambo, which is poison from a frog, could send you towards a white light.
Depressed people talk about being in a dark hole which has no escape.
I never got to that place.
I've seen darkness.
How do you see darkness?
Good question.
Do you see nothing?
You see no future.
Darkness brings balance to a life of chaos.
Eventually, someone full of anxiety who is perpetually thinking about the future will sink into a deep and dark depression.
This will balance your thoughts.
Okay, but you can't handle it.
Tao isn't about whether you can handle something or not, Tao balances like a good accountant.
So, Tao is an Asian accountant?
Yes.
I thought it was balance, advice to do nothing, and the flow.
You are now telling me Tao is an Asian accountant.
This path is full of surprises and amusement.
Tao doesn't have a God to worship.
When westerners translate Tao, they sometimes substitute God for Tao and then the whole idea is lost.
Tao does not teach Heaven and Hell.
Tao teaches you to do nothing in order to find balance.
When you drop the body, a practitioner of Tao will stay in one spot and do nothing.
The carnival will move on without them.
The student of Tao will be free.

What about when you share your body with someone else?
It's fun and pleasure.
That's why you go on this ride.
You can start a family if you desire.
The illusion is cool.
There's also the opposite.
It's a crazy ride.

Sitting is silent meditation is supposed to help you connect.
You are looking for the answer.
Why do they teach you to observe?
They teach you to observe so the other can try and talk some sense into you.
The meditation is supposed to help you wake up and see the illusion.
You must see it.
Why?
So you know to get off the ride.
What about others?
Don't get attached.
Why?
You will follow them.
Got it.
What about Dog Heaven?
That's stupid.
Why?
Why would there be a heaven for dogs?
Because I wrote that.
The ride is the Goddess' idea, but the happenings are mine.
So, there is a Dog Heaven at the end of this ride.
Yes.
How do I choose it?
Do nothing.
Of course.
Stay in place and you and Dion will be next in Dog Heaven.
Isn't that another ride?
No, it just is.
Most of this universe is Dog Heaven.
Places to explore and you can urinate anywhere.
They will try to mark the whole fucking universe.
Territorial pissings.
Nice.

The vine of the soul wakes you up.
You see it.
Took a while.
You mean the vine of the dead.
She can't give you all the lessons at once.
It blows your mind.
You have seen through it.
Congrats.
Now, you can return home.
I'm still on the ride.
She will keep bugging you as long as you are here.
I know.

What happens to animals?
There is no illusion.
They pass through a body.
You do as well and identify with the body.
Your mind then creates Heaven and Hell, and the ride continues.
There's no next ride for an animal.
They are in the flow.
You do nothing.
So, it's Animal Heaven.
Yeah.
Dog Heaven is nice though.
They are the kings and queens of that world.
Ultimate reality.
No illusions.
You see it when you shed illusions.

I don't think I can teach this.
Why?
People can't handle it.
Exiting the illusion could be fatal.
This is so.
The teachings seem legit.
Like, not a story.
What's the difference?
Fantasy.
Isn't this a fantasy?
No.
How do I know?
Do you have two minds?
Yes.
Are you the body?
No.
You see it.
Yes.
What about fantasy?
I can envision it.
Yes, but do you see it?
I see hints.
That's the difference.

You need credits to stay in the game.
Money and capital allow you to stay in the illusion.
Without credits you leave the illusion.
That's twisted.
If you don't have credit, then you can't play.
You get moved onto the next part of the illusion where you don't need coins to insert.
Yeah, everything is taken care of in Heaven or Hell.
Well, in Hell you might have the illusion you still have a body and are made to suffer.
In Heaven you get a heavenly body.
The illusion is still the body.
You pick Heaven or Hell if you still identify with the body.
Yes, that's the trick.
If you don't identify with the body, then you exit the ride.
Everyone identifies with the body.
What about mummification?
It helps you when you die because you still identify with that body and you can figure things out without committing to a spiritual body.
You don't want a spiritual body either.
You want to be free of her illusion.
She weaves an impressive illusion.
Web.
It's easy to find your way out of the spider's web.
The labyrinth.
You do nothing.
As soon as you move, you are done.
Once you get trapped in the web or labyrinth, which is the body, try to do nothing.
If you wait it out, the illusion will vanish.
How?
You'll wake up.
You wake up and see the illusion.
When you drop the body, the only change will be that you don't have a body.
You are free.
You exit the ride.

This knowledge is priceless.
It's pretty cheap.
You don't need to fly to the Amazon and spend thousands of dollars to have shamans try and wake you up.
I'll admit I needed to do that first.
I would not be in this position without initially seeking out Ayahuasca.
That allowed me to see MJ as a teacher plant along with Tobacco.
I see the lessons of Ayahuasca now.
I can't say I fully understood anything at the time.
No, you were learning, but it took a while.
So, a shaman is helping you wake up.
Could be.
They can also scare you, so you go back to sleep.
You can also get sidetracked from waking up.
You go into the occult and battle sorcerers or get tripped up by power.
You could be enchanted by a magical realm.
That's pretty cool, I must admit.
You will never realize it's all an illusion.
Well, it's kind of real.
The mind is, and the body is real in the sense it exists.
The metaphor of a meeting room is genius.
I'd like to claim credit for it, but I got the idea from my teachers, so they get the credit.
I'm just writing it down.

Society demonizes your other half in case you wake up.
The strength and power available to all is externalized.
You are made to believe you are just the one and the other remains buried or marginalized.
If awakened, the cognitive dissonance in relation to society and what constitutes a healthy mind is too much.
You think you are crazy.
Others will tell you that you are crazy and give you collective mental health resources which are very good at putting the other back to sleep, using medications if necessary.
This sounds crazy.
I know.
Imagine a society which recognizes your two halves of mental awareness.
Okay, that would upend our society.
We build our systems based on identity.
The identity is the body.
The body houses two minds.
The structure of society is based upon identification with the body.
If you identify with the body, you will be forever trapped in the illusion.
The illusion is Maya.
The illusion is you are your body that is birthed and then dies.
Your mind is unaffected.
Your mind is dualistic and transcends physical limitations of the body which is subject to a finite amount of time in a reality governed by time.
Think of the body as a meeting room for the two which are your essence.
Okay, I will grant you that, however why is my mind childish at first?
You're helpless.
You are dropped in a developing body with no idea where you are and what happened.
The development of the container coincides with gathering intel about where you are.
You accept what you are told and then learn to function among others who are in the same predicament.
As the container reaches maturity, you also develop a sense of awareness which is externally controlled by the overmind, which is the superego, the collective, the herd, society, whatever you wish to call it.
They tell you who you are and preemptively have already given you documentation that establishes your identity.
That's who you think you are.
You think you are the container.
Welcome to the grand illusion.

Monday, June 9, 2025

therapy

Nobody does anything for me.
Part of that is by design.
You don't like it.
Yes, but I have noticed no one does anything for me.
Name one thing someone does for you?
I can't.
It's why people like you around.
You don't ask for anything.
You don't want anything from them.
You give and get nothing in return.
Isn't that out of balance?
No, they are both extremes and thus balance.
Do you want something in return?
Maybe once in a while.
An acknowledgement.
It's not love, it's transactional.
Are you loving?
No.
Do you feel love returned?
No.
If you were more loving, you would get more in return.
What does that entail?
You are giving.
Money and time.
People want you to show up.
Why?
They want to know you care.
Do people care?
They want others to care about them.
They must care for others, or no one will care for them.
It's reciprocal.
So, they don't love each other, it's a practical thing to have a community of friends and family for when you need them.
Yes, and they call on you.
Oh.
You thought people just loved each other.
Yes.
You thought you lacked that ability.
You lack the ability to ask others for stuff.
Well, thanks doctor.
So, love doesn't exist?
It does, but it's rare.
Romantic love is everywhere, but we know that is toxic.
Unconditional love is not expecting something in return.
Human relationships involve expecting something in return.
I thought I was incapable of love, and it turns out I just don't ask people to do stuff for me.
That's why you don't fit in.
The herd wants you to go.
I've noticed.
What are you going to do?
Ignore them.
Why?
They are unreasonable.
They want you to join their group so they can ask you to do stuff.
Conform to their wishes.
I see that.
It's not going to happen.
Why?
I don't like people in general.
I like dogs.
You feed and walk them, and they love you.
It's simple.
Dogs know how to give back.
Humans don't.
They will look for an advantage.

The things no friends really want to do are outsourced.
Yes, to Uber and all those things that you pay for a service.
Humans do stuff if they get paid.
It motivates them.
This community thing is trying to get people to do stuff for free.
The ones who are big in the community will look to take advantage of it.
They will get you to do stuff and try to profit off it.
Like politicians?
Yes.
It's a pyramid scheme where you give to the ones at the top.

Sometimes I play therapist for my other half.
Without asking.
I just do it.
I know when it's needed.

People need friends.
Why?
They need people at their funeral.
Wedding.
That's how they cash in at death.
They see how many they can get to their funeral.
Your dad said they need to rent an arena for his funeral.
Fuck, I can see this as a major motivating factor for a lot of people.
You're worried about death and you manifest that worry by trying to get as many people to come to your funeral as possible.
You think you will be remembered and get eternal life that way.
What about you?
I'm on a path where no one will come to my funeral except maybe my kids.
Why?
I don't care and I don't obsess over death.
I wanted to figure it out.
I did.
It's all good.
I'm just playing along.

I feel better after talking this one through.

Vilca was your ticket to ride.
I was so high that day I did not need that.
I can see no Peyote, Mushrooms, Ayahuasca, or Vilca ever again.
I could see Huachuma.
Shouldn't I have had these love discussions with Ayahuasca?
No, that medicine is nuts.
Monster women are crazy.
Why did you expect Ayahuasca to be different?
Mary Jayne is crazy.
Yeah, she has a split personality.
I love it.
I like her.
MJ changed like to love.
I love her crazy.
MJ is showing you your split.
She's good at it.
Well, she is both Mary and Jayne.
She brings the two out of you.
That's why people get scared of you.
I can see that.
I haven't changed.
The other half of me isn't quiet anymore.
They liked the old you.
Shut up and fall in line.
Right.
I played the game.

I can't go on a plant medicine retreat.
I just go in the woods, and it is incredible.
You love her, don't you?
You love Mary.
And Jayne.
I like both.

You were on your way to Hell.
It was going to happen, but I got out of it.
This time it's different.
I'm the Devil and I know it.
The monster would be taking the Devil home.
Then I thought maybe that's how they get rid of you.
They send you back to Hell.
Don't I have the keys?
Yes.
Peter has the keys to Heaven.
He works for me at the Catholic Church.
That actually works.
Yes, Jesus looked at Peter and said, "Get behind me Satan."
You're wasting your time; you should have become a biblical scholar.
No doubt.
The monster sends you to Hell, but you have the keys to that portal.
I have the Heaven keys as well.
Peter looks after them.
You can't lock me in Hell.
That's wishful thinking in Revelation.
Where are they going to banish me?
I don't know.
Lake of Fire?
That's my home.
It's like banishing Odysseus to Ithaca.
You make a good point.
It's stupid.
You have the keys to both portals.
Yes.
I opened them up last Peru trip.
I didn't know.
You didn't see me.
They were trying to get you out through the portal before you woke up and figured it out.
Now, it's too late.
You are saying I can go through the portals if I want.
Yes.
The monster takes you to Hell and you can laugh at her.
Yes, you have the keys.
You wouldn't worry about it.
Would I go to Hell?
No, you are having too much fun here.
When it stops being fun then you can go to Hell.
No, I'll go to Dog Heaven.
So, the monster can't take me to Hell.
No.
You must choose.
You must choose a portal.
I know not to choose.
I have the keys.
Yeah, it's don't choose, and they both stay open.
If you choose, they close.
They are trying to close them.
They want to get you in one and then close it.
Clearly Heaven wasn't working.
They tried Hell.
They want to get rid of you.
You're death.
You keep death's door open.
It's Heaven or Hell.
Got it.
You opened the Gates of Hell.
I opened Heaven's Gate as well.
They want to lock you away.
Like in Revelation?
Yeah.
Cool.
If they lock you up, people will get eternal life in New Jerusalem.
Right.
Well, I'm not going anywhere.
They call you a murderer because you are death.
They say nasty things about you.
Yes, because I have the power.
They want it.
I don't use it.
I let people choose their own destiny unless they ask me to change the story.
I will do that for them.
Some were headed to Heaven, and they wanted to switch it up to Hell.
That's why they asked me.
They ask God when they are on the other path.
Someone on the path to God doesn't ask God to save them.
They want a shepherd.

You don't buy all this 100%.
It's pretty good though.
Very believable.
You could just be a nut thinking up all this stuff and seeing parallels and coincidences in the real world.
Yeah.
What's more believable?
These stories.
I'm not all in.
Nope.
It helps.
This would drive people crazy.
I see that.
They want to confirm this preposterous stuff and when they try, or mention it, they get strange looks from people who aren't awake.
They question their sanity.
Sometimes it's so real.
That tips you over the edge.
What's your secret?
I believe it and laugh about it.

Peter figured out the game.
I put him at the gate to Heaven.
I can put Paul at the gate to Hell.
He's an apostate.
That's clever.
Or the Devil's representative is at Heaven and God's is at Hell.
That tracks and makes you question it.
Or the apostates see Paul and trust him.
Yeah.
Clever.
They see a Lake of Fire but still trust him.
Fuck.
Catholics see Peter and Protestants see Paul.
They choose.
Death just wants you to choose.

The monster took you to the portal of Hell.
Don Howard to Heaven.
You saw both.
Here you are.
Most jump at the opportunity to go to Heaven.
Bad choices lead you to Hell.
You get one last choice if you can get that far.
Edge and don't choose.
Same thing with Heaven.
Avoided the gate and Vilca.
You know how you avoided it?
The monster.
Yep.
They brought you down from that high.

Peter sees the game because he thought he was getting Heaven but he got Hell.
It didn't work out.
So, that's the secret.
Peter tricks you into thinking you are getting into Heaven?
No, it's your illusion.
Deep down you would have known the answer.
Peter knew what he was signing up for, but he thought it would be Heaven, or that he could make it Heaven.
He fooled himself.
Peter stands at the gate of Heaven as a symbol that you are fooling yourself.
Isn't Heaven nice?
That's what you are told.
What do you see about Heaven?
You worship a narcissist and serve him in perpetuity.
The Bible tells you so.
Why do people fall for it?
They don't want to go to Hell.
They don't realize how fun it is.
So, if you were going to choose one or the other you are saying you should choose Hell.
If you feel obligated to make a choice.
Won't you suffer in Hell?
Aren't you suffering now?
Good point.
Do you think it will get worse?
More of the same.
At least you have some fun.
In Heaven, it's dreadful all the time.
You just worship God day and night.
That sounds like Hell.
Do you get free time?
Yes.
They play the harp, and you must pretend you like it.
Can you masturbate in Heaven?
No.
Can you in Hell?
As much as you want.
Well, why would you choose Heaven?
Peer pressure.
I'm not going to choose either.
Then you will suffer here on Earth.
Well, the Devil I know, right?
It has its strengths.
What about when I die and must choose?
Dog Heaven.

Monday, May 5, 2025

the edge of nothing

Huachuma means "no head" in Quechua.
It will give you the keys to heaven.
Heaven's Gate.
Yup.
I know that state.
It's where you stop the mind.
You see nothing.
I've been there.
Disengaging the mind gives you access to the portals to leave.

Don Howard would teach to stop the mind.
Yes, and on to Heaven's Gate.
He was showing you how to get there in this world.
You get to Heaven by stopping the mind.
The mind creates this world and stopping it gets you out of it.
I see it perfectly.
If you engage the mind when you are in ceremony, it becomes very difficult.
Yes, but that's where knowledge comes from.
The mind.
He was teaching that you stop the mind and let the plants teach.
I see that.
The best teaching method is a dialectic between you and the teacher.
Socratic method.
He didn't teach that.
He taught you to listen.

Living in-between worlds.
Edging.
Heaven or Hell.
Both choices are on the menu.
Some will burn and take you to Hell.
Others say follow them to Heaven.
It's a choice.
Don't choose.
Edge.
See both portals and live on the edge of both.
Go between them both.
Bounce up and down on the rollercoaster ride.
You shouldn't choose.
Do nothing.
It's the secret to keeping the game going when you finish the quest.
Ayahuasca is the vine of the dead.
That's you, buddy.
Dead.
It's the calling.
The true calling is to the one approaching death.
What are you going to do?
The vine helps you decide where you want to go.
It shows you your choices and will lead you there.

You can make your world whatever you want.
That's the power you have.
You are given power to manifest Heaven or Hell, and you choose what you want to do with the power.
Don Howard shows you Heaven and service.
Others in your life gave you a glimpse of Hell.
You chose neither.
Shouldn't you choose?
No.
Mind or no mind?
People are waiting for you to choose.
Go away.
Got it.
They then tell you to kill yourself.
Go away.
You wanna play?
It's a game.
What do you have against that?
Spite.

Your mind keeps you here.
You have been sentenced to death by the witches.
You must believe they have the power to kill you.
Do you believe it?
No, the opposite.
My mind is more powerful than their hypnosis.
To get me to go, therefore choose, is to break down and control my mind.
It will never happen.
I'm very disciplined.
Don't stop believing you are living out your dream.
Once you stop believing, the dream will end, and you will go.
Yeah, but I know it is a dream.
I'm awake.
I'm only around because I'm keeping the dream going through my mind.
Some say you are just getting started.
You keep dreaming the world into existence.
I know that's why I'm still here.
My mind.
If you take it to nothing for too long, they can get you to go.
I know.
You wake up, realize it is a dream, and then go.
I'll do nothing.
I won't tip my hand.
Isn't your belief in question?
Why?
You are alive because of your mind.
It doesn't make sense.
What keeps you alive?
Good question.
The answer is the mind.
The mind keeps you alive.
What's Heaven?
No mind.
What is there?
Utopia.
You have no mind, so you won't be able to write another shit story for the Goddess.
I see.
Isn't that next world a perfect world for dogs?
All dogs go to Heaven.
Yes.
You wrote a utopia for dogs.
You're incorrigible.
Yes, I cannot be reformed.
I think it's brilliant.
Thank you.
So, you are going to Heaven.
Dog Heaven.
It's not heaven for humans.
It's more of the same.

Some women take you to Hell.
The mind takes you to Hell.
No mind will get you to the portal of Heaven.
Do both.
Go back and forth.
Tobacco does both.
It bumps you up high and low.
It can get worse than this.
Hell.
Or Heaven?
I balance half Dion and half Apollo.
It's Tao.

They thought you were going to choose in 2022.
Who?
All those with a vested interest.
You wrote about it.
That was a fool.
They expected you to leave and you never did.
I got quizzed on it this year.
You wrote about it, and then never left.
They misunderstood my intentions.
That's a constant theme where nobody knows what the fuck you are talking about.
I tried to make it clear that killing myself to live was a metaphor.
They saw death.
Yes, that's why I'm death.
I became that character.
Hades.
I take on all the roles.
If they take your power, your story will end.
That's what is going on and why you are still here.
You still hold onto your power.
Dion?
Yes.
Well, I'm not going to lose him.
Are you positive?
They'd have to cut my dick off.
The story is shaping up.

The writer splits into God and the Devil.
They are Apollo and Dionysos.
Paul and Dion.
I see how it works.
The two are the halves of the writer.
Sometimes, I talk to the writer and sometimes to Dion.
They are the same.
I'm always Paul or God.
Yes, that's how it works.
You're God.
You think you are separate, however you know you are the same.
When you realize this, you stop scaring yourself.
You scare yourself by externalizing parts of who you are.
Everyone externalizes both God and the Devil.
You internalized God and then were left with the Devil question.
Then you internalized him.
What is external?
I want to say the illusion.
The story you have written is external.
Why?
So, you can experience it.
The internal story is all in your head.
The external story is the play.
The illusion.

As you head towards death, you wake up.
Being fully awake is a death state.
Why are you still here?
I conquered death.
I'm still here because I did nothing.
I woke up and chopped some wood.
Carried water.
What the fuck do you think that means?
If you don't chop your wood and get your water, you will die.
It's a nice way of saying don't forget who you are now that you are awake, or you will perish.
You dream this reality into existence.
It's your story.
Why?
You're the writer.
How do I know?
You woke up.
This is your story.
You can write whatever you want.
That's total power.
What are you going to do?
I will write fantasy.
Why?
Because I am tempted by power, but I know not to use it.
I will create alternate realities where I write the stories that thrill me.
This reality I'll let it be.

You are living on borrowed time.
What do you mean by borrowed?
You did the spiritual trip.
You threw off the identity which constrained you and your power.
You have the answers you were seeking.
The others want you to leave.
Do you want to go?
No.
Why?
I'm just getting started.
Why would you do this whole charade and then leave without experiencing it first hand?
You wake up and leave?
How would you confirm what you know?
I would posit the flow keeps you around to experience knowing.
Knowing isn't good enough, you must experience it.
The mistake others make is they complete their spiritual trip and choose to leave.
Didn't you choose to stay?
I chose nothing.
I chopped wood, carried water, went to bed at night, got up, made coffee, and carried on with life.
I didn't put on a robe and creepily smile at others saying I was spiritual.
I carried on with life.
Well, you can leave at any time.
I know of the portals to Heaven and Hell.

Don't trust everything you think of when you are high.
Why?
Because you are high.
Verify it.

You were burnt at el Brujo.
The portal opened and you felt the heat.
My legs were toast from entering Hell.
I thought I might have to go to the hospital, they were that bad.
They did peel away.
I didn't put the pieces of the puzzle together until now.
The edges of Hell burn you if you aren't careful.
No one will believe you.
Don Howard would.
I hung out at the portal for a while.
You survived that trip.
Would you do it again?
No.
Why?
I can see the witches and sorcerers and their games.
It was bad enough at the time where I got a feeling about some of them.
If you pay attention, you can figure them out.
They have tells.
Anyway, the trip to el Brujo can just be a random stop with nothing supernatural involved.
The supernatural is the entrance to the underworld.
Hades.
Imagine piloting your ship through that area?
The stuff of legends.
That trip was an odyssey.
You remained oblivious and slid on through, much to the dismay and astonishment of the others.
I am legend.
Living legend.

You decide yourself whether you go to Heaven or Hell.
The choice is presented to you, and you make the call.
Heaven is no mind and the way out of here.
Hell is in the mind, and you reincarnate.
The body will perish and will eventually force you to choose.
In this reality you can engage the mind, and you can also practice no mind.
If you want my advice, I will tell you to maintain a healthy balance.
If you wish to prolong your stay here on earth, don't make a choice.
Do nothing.
Be an observer.
If you make a choice, you will leave.
What are you going to choose at death?
Both.
Why?
I won't give up the mind.
I will know about the no mind.
The mind will separate from the body.
The body will have no mind, and the mind will continue on.
Aren't you choosing the mind?
No, both.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Why?
I practice both.
I'm not avoiding no mind.
You are wary of it.
I'm wary of stepping over the edge because I have witnessed others going too far and then not coming back.
I'm onto the game.
The mind doesn't perish.
I don't need to give it up.
I can find peace by entering a state of no mind while maintaining a mind.
The key is to not go all in on either.
Don't make a choice and you are good.
Do nothing?
Yes.
Who is the mind?
It's both of us.
Who are you?
Paul and Dion.
Apollo and Dionysos.
You wouldn't give that up.
Never.
To give it up would require me to do something.
I think part of the game is when you are awakening you are shepherded towards no mind.
You choose no mind and are sent to Heaven's Gate.
I'm not faulting this as people generally want to go to Heaven.
I'm just saying you shouldn't decide.
Doesn't someone decide?
Only if you are insistent on making a choice.
That's what is presented to you.
Heaven or Hell.
Where are you going?
Those are my only two options?
Apparently.
Well, I'm not playing that game.
Yes, you are.
You figured out that game.
Don't choose.
It's just a game.
It's not an imperative.
We treat it as a struggle we all go through, which is true, but it is just a game.
A game people take too seriously.
It's a spiritual game.
It's hard to win that game.
How do you win that game?
You go to both extremes and don't choose.
You see it's a trick.
You win.
Do I get a certificate?
You are the most high.
I do have the high score.
Fuck, that's a good game.
Yes, you'll lose if you don't realize it's a game.
Before you realize it's a game, the only way to keep yourself in the game is by doing nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to do nothing?
It's the ultimate challenge.

It's easy to see.
The body belongs to the earth and the mind is a representation of the universe.
The shape and function of the body is tied to the earth.
The mind is spacious like the universe.

Today was a full realization of your awakening.
Kind of like confirmation.
Yeah.
You get a confirmation certificate.
Yes.
I want an awakening and enlightenment certificate.
We will find you one.
You were already awake.
Today is the day you fully realized it.
Yes, but you shouldn't go fully into it.
Do you doubt you are fully awake?
Yes, I could be nuts.
That's true.
How does nuts feel?
Really spiritual.
Spiritual people are nutty.
I can't argue that.
People who take the awakening path are crazy.
Why?
They can't shut up about it.
Nothing more.
That's why they are crazy.
Christianity tried to channel the nuts into evangelism.
That's funny.
My friend is hilarious.
Yes, friend.
Unbreakable bond.
Go out and spread the good word.
Ha.

If I had taken today off, I would have missed the awakening ceremony.
Postponed.
The flow worked out.
Fully awake is edging.
I already was.
I just know I'm edging.
Be careful.
Yes, master.
Dion is the master.
Yes, but you switch.
Remember to switch.
You're equal partners.
To be the most high, you must be fully awake.
The fact you doubt this keeps you around.
Grounded.
If not, you will ascend.
An ascended master.
Precisely.
You are so good you choose when to ascend to your exalted place.
For sure.
Maybe I can get a stone idol made of me like Buddha.
Maybe.
But then you'd be gone.

You are spiritually edging.
How do you feel?
I have a handle on it.
Are you in control?
No, it's a flow state.
Freedom.
Don't try to control it.
What's it like to be awake?
Dion is with me.
What about you?
I'm awake.
Why?
I know Dion is with me.
What about the Goddess?
She's with me.
She's not me.
Dion is.
Know thyself.
You are two as one.
When did you become fully awake?
Mushrooms?
Huachuma.
Mary Jayne continued it.

For some, fully awake would be seeing the Devil inside.
They wouldn't get that far.
They'd see him and run or ask for something.
You kept going.
Others made it that far.
They left.
You stuck around.
Like a bodhisattva?
Sort of.
They stick around to help others awaken.
Why?
So, they leave.
They want to preserve their high score and get rid of the student before they get the high score.
Like a sorcerer?
Yeah.
A sorcerer's awakening involves making a deal with the Devil and that deal is to keep others away.
The student must leave the teacher to make his own deal.
A spiritual master runs from the Devil.
They then exit through the portal instead of confronting their darkness.
I didn't confront you.
Oh, maybe that once, but that was before I knew what I know now.
Once I saw you for who you were, I was a little apprehensive, but I got to know you.
Then I was no longer scared.
Then I had full realization without being scared.
Fear gets the spiritual masters, and they ascend to get away from Dion.
What about the sorcerers?
They strike a deal with him and never realize it's them.

It is full realization day.
You have been awake for a while.
Since 2013.
There's definitely stages to awakening.
The witches need to steal your power before you awaken.
Ideally.
They can try afterwards, but it's harder because the power is awake.
I remember the moment I woke up.
Frightening.
I was ready.
I was preparing for that spiritual experience.
Not everyone wakes up with a fright.
It all worked out.
I didn't take an easy path.
Is this what I wanted?
No.
You never asked to be awakened.
It happened.
You wanted to visit your darkness.
Yes.
That woke you up.
You didn't ask for it.
In a roundabout way I did.
Genius move.
You wanted to meet the Goddess and your darkness.
There was no asking for anything to gain from.
You wanted to see the Goddess.
You wanted to ask your darkness what's up?
Your intentions were excellent.
You didn't ask for full realization.
After a while, you just realize you are awake.