conversations

I've been walking a spiritual path for a while now and I'm picky. I have a skeptical and contrarian bent so anytime I come across awareness of different avenues of beliefs I take them with a grain of salt. Such was the case with the new age idea of 5D consciousness. I rolled my eyes at this and dismissed it as woo. Recently, I became interested in the topic because of my regular use of Tobacco snuff. Being an amateur scientist, I wanted to record and analyze what it was doing to me. I did the same with Mapacho Tobacco which I smoked regularly for seven years. All the while I smoked it, I let anyone who asked know that it wasn't addictive, and I could give it up at any time. It was true, I knew I could and last year I gave it up. It was a sign directly from the Canadian government. When I purchased a large quantity of it, the import fees were staggeringly high. I surmised it's time to move on, and I had come across the practice of inhaling Tobacco, so I followed the invitation to explore. As with most things in my life which I like, I indulged. I have a regular practice of ritually inhaling the snuff. At first it was exhilarating, and I marveled that it could get me to the same mind states as some of the heavier psychedelics I have worked with, albeit it was five to ten minutes tops in duration. Continual use of it allowed me to start getting some concrete ideas of what it was doing. The snuff takes me to a different consciousness plane and if I can quiet my chattering mind, I can hang out for a good five minutes.

To connect this back to the whole 5D consciousness thing, when I started getting an idea of what this was referring to, the parallels were obvious. My normal 3D consciousness would ascend the 4D Tobacco ladder into the world of 5D. Interesting. It's an accessible and hidden form of consciousness we all have access to but most of us never realize it. Taking a psychedelic will put you there and when you are new to the experience it can cause a bit of a fright. Working with these accelerants of consciousness will empower within you the ability to explore and that's where I am on my journey.

I should have known there was some truth to the 5D thing because it is similar to my experiences with other modalities which at first I dismissed when I didn't know any better. A case in point is Tarot cards. Sure, it's entertaining and then can be a cause for introspection when you have a reading but it's just random chance. A light bulb clicked in me where I realized they only work if you believe they work. If you don't then it will be random. If you understand that the cards you will pull are what you are predestined to select then you grasp they are telling you the truth about the situation you are enquiring about. A way I can explain it is everything has already happened, and we are perpetually living in a now state where what we think is the future is just a rolled-up canvas unfolding before us. It's already baked into the equation of your life. The caveat is you don't know what is going to unfold and even though you don't have free will, you have the illusion of free will by way of ignorance. If you can get an oracle to tell you the future, then you can change the future so isn't that free will? No, because it was already predetermined that you would find a way to see into the future and then change your actions. Gotcha. Another way to look at it is the idea of the playwright. This superstar resides in the future, writes your story. and then you act it out. The screenplay has already been written and your acting abilities determine your fate. The idea of past, present, and future is thrown into disarray knowing conscious entities reside in these different vibrational states. A writer can re-write the past. Give that a good think.

That's a lot to digest! So, what am I getting at? Well, once I figured out the Tobacco snuff was getting me into this plane of consciousness I was familiar with, I knew I could hang out with the familiars of the realm. My consciousness exploration invariably leads to the two luminaries - Goddess and God. I have other names for them, but this will do. I can converse with them once I arrive. I wanted them to teach me. I wanted to learn about love and magic. I'm learning about love through copious amounts of suffering. It hasn't been a fun time lately. I wanted the secret to magic. I brazenly asked for forbidden knowledge.

When I read and watch videos about 5D consciousness, and to be frank a lot of spiritual concepts, it is disheartening. It isn't pure. The word desire is used a lot. Practice these methods to get what you desire. That sounds very human and not spiritual. The same is true with primitive magic you come across in my travels into the Amazon jungle and Andes mountains. A sizeable number of people use plant medicines and rituals to get what they want - either money, love, health, or to injure someone they think is doing harm to them. When you become fascinated with shamanism it is strange to then read stories of sorcerers who do battle with each other for prestige and dominance. They cast magical darts at one another, and shamans are insistent upon protecting the ceremonial space from malicious entities and bad actors. This is all to say that when I asked for the secret to magic, I was laughed at. You're a mortal, you're not getting it. The way humans practice magic is through making a pact with an entity. Now, I could write a book about this, and maybe I will, but it is sufficient to say there are no human magicians. The magic comes from a different realm and is produced by an immortal being.

That sounds scary and it should be. The Devil is real and if you want to fulfill all your desires through magical means then he will make that happen for you, of course at a cost. It's the first line of defence that trips up greedy humans who have bad intentions. I pronounce myself of sound mind and body and will also tell you that I was offered all this, and I know of others who were offered the same. I turned it down at the time because I wasn't the least bit interested. I sought out plant medicines in my manic search to contact the Great Goddess. I got an inkling of her during my trip to Egypt and then I went looking for a way to find her. Coming into direct contact with her is the greatest thing I have ever accomplished in life and something I had no idea was possible. I entered this world of magic focused on her, and these other sideshows were a bother. My story is unique and so I sidestepped the offers of untold power and went my merry way of a content fool.

But like I said, I'm an amateur scientist so eventually curiosity would get the better of me and I'd start snooping around. I have no enemies in the world of spirits, and you are free to read between the lines of such a statement. When I started hanging out on the regular with Goddess and God and conversed about magic, they gave me some of the secrets. Her magic is in creating and love, his is in destroying and fulfilling your destiny which some may construe as desire. If you gain their trust, and remember you are human, they might give you access.

As an avatar of the Great God who is the master magician, I get a front row seat to his power. Like I said, I asked for that magic ability. I was laughed at because humans don't get that. You can make a bargain in exchange for it. In high spirituality we call it reciprocity because it makes us feel good about fulfilling desire. I'll exchange something in exchange for a boon. It's on the up and up.

I play a good character here on earth and have some skills. I can slow walk this guy into the grave and then return to the Master. That's one option if you're scared of adventure. Or I can keep bugging God for a piece of the pie. I look at my life and sometimes get tired of my character. I'm sensitive, get hurt easily, and that pain is hard to take. I'm a good boy and get upset by life. It really takes a toll. If I continue this way, I see trouble ahead, and I know the only way to sidestep that hurt is to be alone. It's my default and helps me process the pain. My intention is adventure. This means coming face to face with magic. So, what are we talking about here in terms of reciprocity? Give me the magic and I offer something in return. Let me have a think about that. Efficacious magic doesn't come through me, so I'd have to give up control of self to make it happen. If I give up my hold on self, then I don't want this. I have learned bargaining skills during my time on this strange planet.

I made a pact with my friend Parker to regularly write. Parker held me to the agreement. If you want to become a better writer and storyteller, you need to practice. My offering was to practice. God is a writer. The Logos is his word used to create out of thin air. The light allows his book of life to be read. When he needs to write another story, he prefers to do it alone and hides the mystery to come. The light is sacrificed by the darkness to allow this. I just gave you the secret to magic and you aren't going to believe me, so it's all good.

My spiritual path is based on the Great Goddess and her path of the heart. She continually teaches me, and it is a curriculum of love. That sounds awesome, right? Transformation is enacted through suffering and when it comes to love there's plenty of suffering to go around. Her magic creates the lesson plans for me, and I study, learn, and fail. It's the best way to teach the student. On the other hand, God intimately knows what I want. He knows what my desires are, and he intends for me to fulfill them. When I look back on my life of the last ten years, I see it clearly. The magic of Goddess and God are interwoven into the finest threads that clothe me. I am a product of their magic.

tempering the extremes of omnipotence

The purpose and meaning of incarnation into a world of my own making is to explore the extremes of the high and the low; to wit the duality of self. As the stone idol at Chavín de Huántar in the Andean highlands teaches, bring all back to centre at our own personal axis mundi. The purpose is to find wholeness in the heart space in the middle, called the chaupi in the Quechuan language. This is also the fourth chakra in a seven-fold energetic human existence. The answer is not found in the crown chakra and the pure white light of enlightenment; ah, it's fun to climb that mountain and experience God consciousness but in the end, you see that's not why you're here. You already are God. Instead, the reason why you are here is reconciliation. To bring all back to centre, taking the unity of form of the divine feminine and merging with the independent spirit of the divine masculine. And from this process you rediscover the heart and love. This is why you created this whole game and imbued the quest with the impetus and desire to discover the secret. The puzzle kept you going. The game was frustrating and challenging, but ultimately fun. The hero's journey kept you invested and involved. I love a challenge and I'm going to keep going through multiple lifetimes in order to complete this quest and along the way I'm going to unveil the mystery. What an adventure! Kudos to myself for designing this most interesting game-board.

And so, here I am. I did the journey and completed the quest. I unveiled the mystery. I rescued the princess. What’s left now if I keep sailing on this ship of discovery? My ship is blessed with the moniker "The Fool." I clearly see the destination as I look into this world of form and what is revealed is all pervasive duality. I see the opposites and know the task at hand is to bring the opposites to the centre in order to find love. That's why I did it - to find balance and temper the extremes of omnipotence. The sideshows I created to keep me interested and continuing on the voyage so that eventually I'd see it and discover the reason "why" I did this. I wanted to know God; I wanted to know what makes me tick along with discovering the answer to how do I reconcile the creator and the destroyer within? I now see what it is I wanted to see - the polarity and separation, and grudgingly I accept that she was correct all along. She is Love - the Great Goddess, and she shows me reconciliation of what is leads to the centre and in this centre is found life and love.

Earth is one of these centres where we have life and can practice love. It's on now; this is your classroom buddy. Reconciliation is the game! You did the whole journey, found what you seek is within, and created a world that manifests difficult situations which implore you to find solutions to the endemic problem. The various problem-solving methods at hand are diverse and most lead you away from what it is you seek. The answer to the conundrum is love and you find this answer after exhausting all avenues that take you away from the centre. The streets of separation are roads paved with fame and fortune but ultimately lead you farther down a path to nowhere and eventually we all lose the way home. Wow, we sure have travelled a great distance and now I no longer even realize within there is a castle made of gold which houses the Goddess and her gift of love. We forgot her and buried the knowledge of the feminine divine under the sands of time.

I never cease to be amazed at the writing process and how it lubricates the mind which in turn allows you to make a connection to wisdom and understanding. As I spent the day writing this post and consequently thinking about it, I had yet another epiphany on the nature of being. The root chakra and the crown chakra are connected as in they are polar opposites. One is chaos and form while the other is order and separation. They are the representation of the feminine and masculine energies who need and attract each other. I know the answer is found in the fourth chakra which is the heart. Both paths, regardless of origin, lead to the heart whether you start from the bottom or the top. It is in the middle where biological life is possible. The balance between the two eternal and divine energies create and sustains life. Life is precarious and it’s only on this gift of Pachamama where we can experience biological life which in turn allows us to find love and realize now is the time to express that love.

Furthermore, I intellectually started investigating the polar origins of the cyclical energetic system and realized that some of us are on a journey of ascension while others are in a state of deceleration of the energetic signature. Some of us are entering into life via the crown chakra and heading towards stasis while others are entering at the bottom of the mountain and beginning the long climb to the grandeur of self. Each energetic journey leads to the heart at the mid-point of the journey and it’s where we manifest into conscious form; so, here we are. This is the game we are playing. Acceleration from feminine unity, separate into form, and finish the climb. Deceleration from masculine separation, unify into form, and return to the great mother who smothers. Some of us will head towards the light at bodily death and others will descend into the darkness. But don’t you worry; it’s all cyclical and it is the constant transformation of your energetic signature that bestows upon you eternal life. The ride is the thing. Embrace it.

The cycles within this cycle are of the same nature as within our lives we traverse the energetic centres and remove the blocks in order to experience all facets of life in this body. Some head towards the crown chakra to become the king of their domain, fully enlightened, while others take the path of unity back to the base chakra. Most of us get stuck in the second chakra of carnal pleasures or the third chakra of personal power and greed. Once again, with experience and the subsequent wisdom is discovered in the fourth chakra of the heart is where we become fully realized human beings.

So, what's left is to love. Open the heart, put yourself in others' shoes, and find compassion. Realize that greed and games of power mask fear. Transmute that fear into love. Plant the seed so that others know there is another way; life doesn't have to be this way. Leave this world a better place and light up the Goddess’ heart castle so that other game players can see the beacon shining in the distance when they are ready to head towards her divine gift of love.

slowing down duality

There is something to the Freudian concept that everything we do is related to the sex drive and positioning us in a way to fulfill our sexual desires. We strive to attain power in order that we may have the ability to choose whatever partner we please and control that partner's behaviour. Equally valid is one who wants to relinquish power to another because of the sexual thrill that state enables. I think you can make an argument that this may be a little too overreaching and I think if you removed the sexual part of it then it is a little closer to the truth as in it is really desire fulfillment that makes the world go around. This is demonstrably true as in the world is the product of our desire and whole classes of religious or spiritual activity, such as Buddhism, stress how it is through non-attachment and the eschewing of desire that we can transcend our condition of suffering. One soon learns that you must give up pleasure and rewards in order not to suffer and thus the dilemma. If you desire not to desire then as a result you cease to be human and will soon lose the desire to even go on.

I was thinking about this because it had a relationship to the blog post I wrote concerning the creator and destroyer. Fundamentally there are two powers in the universe: the feminine and the masculine. One of them creates and the other destroys thus enabling all of creation and allowing it to fundamentally keep renewing itself in a never ending cycle. One power can’t exist without the other and though each tries to get the upper hand, the ability to become dominant will lead to its inevitable decline and the rise of the other power. If we create too many things, the sheer volume will eventually choke out others and the result will be destruction and when the death has played itself out then from the ashes will arise new life. It is a harmonious relationship that sometimes might seem cruel and I am finding it at work in all aspects of life, much like a Freudian would see the phallus present in every guise.

I have noticed the older I get the more conservative I become and I have recently discovered it is because I see the life force of my body dwindling and the eventual destruction of my figure getting near. My knees are aching. To counter balance this escalating condition I want to hang on to what I had and from this conservatism comes in to play. I don’t want change anymore. Change is killing me! I am channeling the preserver and trying to find balance in between the two polarities. From the standpoint of my personal philosophy, I never really wanted to upset the system but instead I was a proponent of libertarianism whereby I believed people should be free to do whatever they wish as long as it is not harming others, within reason of course. We probably should stop at red traffic lights. I still hold these views but what is interesting is despite all efforts of media and social engineering projects to steer me towards feel good socialism, my internal reaction is to move politically further away from them; this reaction despite knowing that unity of the species is our only hope. There’s a power and control dynamic within these movements I am not comfortable with; I know they are not headed towards the unity I seek but instead are power grabs cloaked in equity, and the mob and groupthink paradigms I have avoided throughout my life as they curtail free speech, breed authoritarianism, and not at all freedom. Current events are just doubling down on this and expediting my move towards the right. I think I’m not the only one who feels this way.

What is fascinating in all of this are I believe these forces we are witnessing are derivative of the concept of the creator and destroyer. Each power needs a tremendous outpouring of energy in order to come forth and then once established would necessarily become conservative in order to consolidate and preserve their position. Look at America: it was rebellious and destroyed the oppression of the monarchy of Great Britain and these revolutionaries established this amazing country; though probably not so amazing if you are one of the indigenous peoples whose way of life was being destroyed. The USA grew and became the world’s foremost power at the peak of its strength but playing up against that position now comes the eternal check on its power. The forces of destruction seek to lay claim to its many sins. The destroyers of the left see no redeeming qualities but instead seek to fundamentally change its economic system and way of life and threaten to do so by methodically destroying all of America’s institutions through violence and cultural revolution. The sins of America are systemic and the only way to cleanse it of these transgressions is to bring down the whole edifice is the claim. This is the eternal struggle between the creator and destroyer and is predestined to play out in order to keep it all moving along. Where is it written that a pocket of civilization will last forever? How does America meet this challenge? How do I meet my own challenge as I finally can see my demise in the rear-view mirror? I eat better, get more sleep, exercise, and prioritize what is important to me and what I want to accomplish in this lifetime. It should keep the forces of destruction at bay for a while longer now. Eventually they will return again stronger and come at me once more. It’s a game now where I see how long I can hold them off. Perhaps that is the future of America as well. 

rise up embrace release

My brain is a fascinating machine. I feed it knowledge; it digests it over the course of a relatively short time into understanding and from this understanding grows wisdom. This process is repeatable and it has happened enough that I can internally quantify it, though to quantify it externally would be difficult other than recording my understanding of information I have fed into it.

The knowledge we generally feed into the brain comes from our everyday experiences. We live within a tightly held frequency that spills out in all dimensions so that we get hints of obfuscated forms of consciousness but we can’t grasp them for long. It leaves us with the nagging question of whether these other dimensions are ‘real’ or not. All is energy and the energy is in motion. What is energy? It is a vibration. The vibration is motion that we perceive. When we measure the motion we discern frequencies.

Everything is here and now. We are limited by perception. The frequency I lock to creates my world. We can go to heaven or hell now; there’s no need to wait until death. The energy of dead ancestors is here and now. That plane of consciousness is available if you seek for it.

I chose a seed body to incarnate my pattern of energy, in order to come forth in a plane of existence that would allow me to attain self knowledge over buried aspects of self I ignore. Within my current life I then develop further strategies to keep these traits hidden however they are more accessible than ever. We all get lost in the incarnation and forget not only our origin but also our impetus. The journey is always there waiting for us to re-engage, get back on the ship, and sail onwards towards understanding. I don’t think there is a destination or an end to it. I realized this the other day while walking my dog through the woods. There’s no destination or goal on this walk; instead it is the journey that’s the thing. That seemed so obvious. Experience is the teacher. I know I only conquered fear through experiencing full on fear and then taking it on in a struggle for survival. The walk is about exploring, becoming aware of your surroundings, and living in the moment. Aha! The destination is to be here now. Thanks Ram Dass! Eventually we turn around and head back. The natural cycle of the day turns to night. We rest and then rise up again.

I look back now on my ceremonies in the the Amazon jungle and the Andes mountains with Huachuma, that first and foremost acknowledge and celebrate Pachamama, with awe and reverence. The final ceremony this last trip moved me to tears as I understood how she created our universe out of love in order that we could play and understand. The wisdom of the opening of the Tao Te Ching expresses this sentiment,  "Heaven and earth begin in the unnamed: name’s the mother of the ten thousand things.” (Ursula K. LeGuin translation)

It’s always been the Goddess behind creation and it is our destiny to eventually destroy it. Along the way maybe we can show some respect while we head to the inevitable decline and destruction. We can embrace love while we fall from the grace of the great mother.

My pattern of energy animates the body and I take care of it allowing for this experience. Everything is like the breath; it rises and it falls. The body grows and then it decays. The growing is a time to explore the wondrous feats that can be accomplished and the power inherent in our condition. The decay is a time of introspection and insight where if you let go of the clinging to life on this plane of existence then you can step back and start to understand it. Stop being so uptight and blow it out.

The answer seems to be motion. We are deathly afraid of death however we love and are addicted to nouns. If we persist in objectifying then will come death and suffering. We love institutions that have staying power. The rock is what we ultimately look towards to express this ideal. We want to capture and live in a frozen moment and defeat the ravages of time however time is undefeated and claims all. What a predicament! If we change the way we think then we can win this game. Isn’t that cheating though? No and here’s why: If you look around it is easy to see nothing lasts. Everything is in a constant state of growth and decay; life and death. We can deny it all we want but it is self-evident. We can create languages that accentuate nouns as part of the sentence structure but it is still a way to fool ourselves into thinking there is a way to maintain this facade of the character and institutions we have created. Changing the way we think will extricate us from the trap that causes suffering, with the bonus of being able to joyously play the game of life and build the best damn character you can imagine.

By dying we defeat death. That’s a weird statement to make as we understand death as annihilation. If you embrace motion and understand that you rise and fall endlessly then you will get it. Motion is the impetus behind our transformation and this transformation goes on without end. Clinging to non-change will lead to a painful death. Letting go and trusting what is undeniable leads to grace and to living a life that sails on over both smooth and rough waters, marvelling at what comes next.

Surf the waves of time through being in motion with it.

So what is energy? It’s motion that is in motion. Try wrapping your head around that one. Try objectifying a verb. At slower speeds it looks like solid particles and at higher speeds it is a waveform pattern. Energy rises and falls. It’s string theory without the string. Ultimately I intuit that energy is unbridled love and all that has come forth for us in this universe is derivative of that love. Yes even the pain and the suffering. It’s all love because only through love can we face up to the truth of who we are and stop denying it. We are forced to acknowledge the hate and thus we can transform it. Love embraces all regardless of prejudice or behaviour.

Love is the beating of your heart. It rises and falls. The creation of the vibration leads you back to source. The heart is your umbilical cord that connects to the Goddess. It beats out your unique pattern, your signature called your soul, that binds you to the all. She creates. I destroy. We are harmonious. We are the constituents of motion. We are everything. We are nothing. She is the rising and I am the falling. 

creator and destroyer

To explain the idea of creator and destroyer is to not take it from a literal and physical standpoint. Instead, approach the concept from the standpoint of idealism and then it will make sense to you, though making sense is probably not a prerequisite of the concept. As an individuated representative of total consciousness, it is mind that creates the world in which it exists. We create our world generated from what we can sense. What we are not aware of does not become part of the image we form of the world. Do you see that? What we cannot sense we cannot possibly incorporate into our vision of the world. Since we all have the same base senses, we come up with a common and plausible conception of the world. Those that have extrasensory perception or alter their conscious awareness describe a world that seems strange and fantastic to the consensus reality we operate within. They are hinting at something beyond but since it is inaccessible for the most part, it is relegated to the designation of fantasy.  We have created this image of the world. As destroyer, we then see through this facade. Destroyer is to not be taken as a pejorative term; instead, it is a good thing! By once again drawing on primal awareness, free of spin, you can break free of the commonality of consensus reality and throw off the chains of what you are supposed to believe courtesy of others who hold the key to that agenda. In a way, become a child again and sense the world with wonder. Give yourself a reset and start creating your own world, not someone or something else's world. The power is in your hands.