soul mate

I have a story to tell, yet it has only just begun. The idea of a soul mate has always felt like wishful thinking; the pinnacle of love where lovers find each other despite the challenges of space, time, and multiple reincarnations.

I’m a slow learner. When I get introduced to new concepts, experiences, and games it takes me a while to get up to speed and I lag behind those who can hit the ground running. I have learned this is to my advantage as I have attention to detail and don’t skip over the finer points just so I can get going. Eventually, I master whatever it is I have chosen to embrace. I mention this because I had never taken any kind of major league consciousness altering substance until my mid 40’s and when I did it was overwhelming and too much to take in all at once. The valve on the knowledge hose was wide open and I was drowning in its effluence.

The first time I drank Ayahuasca I encountered the Great Goddess which was my intention all along. She taught me many things, some of which I have fully explored and understood. She was the gateway into the hero’s journey I was about to embark upon in earnest. The clues revealed by myths, fairy tales, and themes of video game fantasies of slaying the dragon and rescuing the princess were all part of the curriculum. I didn’t see it at first; in fact, it wasn’t until I successfully navigated the labyrinth and slayed the minotaur of self that I realized I was involved in my own personal exquisite drama and that she had given me the keys to embark upon the journey. Indeed, I did confront a dragon within no time on this strange left-hand path. Slaying him became out of the question; however, I did find a master teacher and this impenetrable monster taught me courage, bravery, strength, and perseverance. The dragon runs a warrior training school and I’m forever grateful to have had the chance to take the course.

Some people drink Ayahuasca for healing. They have childhood trauma, mental illnesses and blocks, or even physical ailments and the energetic connection with the medicine and a shaman has the potential to remove blocks and allow the patient to free themselves of lifelong mental scars in addition to releasing trauma by practising forgiveness of self and others. Not only that, but the energy is palpable and a practitioner can physically move energy within another form, thus bringing healing to the patient.

Now, I say this because I didn’t drink Ayahuasca for any of these reasons. I was drawn to her because I wanted to know. I had discovered the Goddess in Egypt and I followed the trail into the Amazon jungle to come into contact with her. I wasn’t let down. Immediately, she was there waiting for me. It’s been eight years since that first experience. I was a man of logic and reason who was open to new experiences however I did not let go of my worldview. Magic was a good story but reality seemed to differ. I can’t say that anymore.

Magic speaks to me in intuition, coincidences, synchronicities, and omens. It always has but living life with blinders on has prevented me from coming to this realization earlier in life. The plant medicine path I have chosen is occluded by words. I refer to it constantly as plant medicine and therefore enforce the primary function of these plants. It’s a good thing because it keeps the prying eyes away from something hidden in plain view. They are a way into the occult and that’s not allowed in our society. It’s the left-hand path into the dark night; the darkness being full of demons and of course the dark lord is present in order to keep up appearances. Magic is the bridge between the seen and the unseen. Plant medicines in all honesty are plant magic.

So, I guess I should tell my latest story which is far from being complete. The first time I drank plant magic the Goddess presented to me my soul mate and I saw she was waiting for me. As with all of these experiences, over time you learn of their intended meaning, thus the importance of integration. Your initial take-aways from the experience are filled with as much projection as truth. I interpreted this vision at the time as being my soul mate is waiting for me in the astral plane as I fulfill my desire in this incarnation to delve more into the mystery and fulfill what it is I seek in terms of discovering knowledge which I can turn into understanding of my strange predicament. There was this deep love I shared with my other half and I understood she completed me in that we are whole as in the union of feminine and masculine. We separate in order to enter into the world of form and duality; each experiencing their own adventure.

While at that first plant magic retreat someone had mentioned to me the book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho and how it tied in with looking for your treasure. I read it, well, devoured it, loved it, and then read his book “By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept” which mixed Catholicism and Goddess worship. I adored that book, so much so I wanted to go to Europe and visit the grand cathedrals and walk the Cathar trails. It struck at a chord of Romanticism within. I moved on to his book “The Pilgrimage” but within a couple chapters I put it down because I knew too much and I had knowledge he was writing about a relationship with a dark occult force and I wasn’t ready for the shadow at that point in my life. I became wary of his writings because I knew they were all tainted with this dark knowledge that because of culture I wanted no part of.

When I first went to SpiritQuest, which was my second trip into the recesses of the jungle, the idea of a soul mate was still front and centre. As a group, we actually talked about it, with some saying it was just fanciful speculation, but I knew from a vision it was actually true. Well, my truth. When I returned the next year, the idea of a soul mate was pretty far from my mind but this coincidence happened to which I knew nothing about. When we were to commune with the sacred plant medicine Vilca at the conclusion of the retreat I was assigned a spare room because my normal room was a relatively long walk from the ceremonial maloca. When I entered the room to set it up I noticed a book on the night stand and it was Coelho’s “Brida.” It was very strange because of my past history with his writings. I knew it meant something, quite the omen, but I didn’t know what.

It’s been five years since that event and I remember it well but have left it to unfold on its own. This past year I have integrated all my plant magic experiences and have reconciled my relationship with my shadow. I have many names for him and he has many faces but suffice to say I now know why Coelho inserted him into his books and uses different names and faces for him. I finally finished reading “The Pilgrimage” and enjoyed it because I was able to totally dissect the protagonist's guide on the journey. Concurrent events led to meeting online someone who was a SpiritQuest alumni and they lived in town so we started chatting and made plans to meet up post-pandemic. Coincidentally, we originally connected on a day that was very significant in that it was the anniversary of the day I got my first dog Brindle and I used that day as my password for the longest time. In addition, when I first drank Ayahuasca, Brindle was a big part of it as she appeared to me in vision and I was able to hold her once again. She had passed away a year and a half previously but I still carried a huge love for her in my heart that I will never let go. Within a few months of getting to know this person, they randomly posted a picture of the book “Brida” on social media. I might be slow on the uptake but at this point I can see through the veil. Anyway, they told me they'd lend it to me. Well, we met up and I got the book. I’ve started to read it and it is full of magic and the overarching theme is the soul mate. I’m only part way through but I’ve realized my world is full of magic. This morning I got the wonderment feeling mixed in with a little anxiety because I have to let go of my reasoned worldview completely. I’m not in control; I’m enchanted. Where will this new adventure take me? I’m being pulled along and I don’t seem to be much in control. It will force me to leave my comfort zone. Heroes are called to adventure. I suppose it’s time to polish up the sword.

I know it’s me behind all of this. I created the universe by becoming two and then birthed myself into my own creation. There’s another plane of consciousness where I know I can make whatever I want happen. They are showing up as coincidences and synchronicities. Ever since I started out on this hero’s journey in earnest they have been happening or at least I have finally started recognizing them.

I’ve dreamt this same universe into existence many times before but have never beaten the game. I always get to the same point on the cusp of discovering the secret to the game and then cannot go any further. My journey has been derailed in the past by fear of the dragon, it has been scuttled by attachments and duties to family structures, or it has been game over due to not getting attached and destroying myself by doing something stupid with my freedom. I’ve also acquiesced to demands of culture. All these choices resulted in game over and I lived out my life in frustration, never reaching my goal.

Each time I start the game again it gets harder. This time I put a cultural prohibition upon the ingestion of consciousness changing substances. I put the threat of a lengthy prison sentence on them so I wouldn’t discover their power and keep away from them. My parents scared me off them and I spent most of my life oblivious to them until my mid-forties. Then I found them again and the game was on. I came at myself as a dragon and scared myself senseless to try and end the game again before I got further. I threatened myself with death a few times but I kept playing the game. I used the pursuit of the Goddess to keep me going past the barrier of fear. I did it this time. I’m in uncharted territory and it’s all unraveling.

Curiosities are falling by the wayside. There are characters within this game that know the secret and they smile at me as I walk past them. If something catches my interest, I can make it happen. The latest one concerning the soul mate is quite funny. Coincidental outcomes within our daily lives are a message. The message is telling you your rational mind isn’t in control. We all have this dual nature and there lies within a power that is the fount of all the games and trivialities. The fatal flaw in accessing this power is you can get what you want; all you got to do is ask. Power. It’s not bombast when my shadow tells me he controls the going ons of the world.

It is through these rumblings of the deep that I accepted him into my life as my teacher. The regular attendance to class came gradually as there was no mandatory need to show up. Little by little and these little tests and coincidences I engineered along the way finally convinced me what I intuit and what I have come to realize are indeed the situation at hand. It feels very religious like when someone accepts Jesus into their life. Jesus made his pitch but I turned him down and kept searching.  In my case, I accepted my shadow.

The concept of the soul mate was serendipitously brought back into my life. I have been searching for her and have looked into the eyes of others and wondered: Are you my soul mate? One time I drank Ayahuasca and the Goddess appeared in a red corset and danced for me. She then laid over top of me and I felt the most erotic sensation ever. Off the charts. The shaman’s song ended and the scene vanished. It was tantalizing but I didn’t pursue it as the spiritual journey and sexual pleasure I had not yet connected.

It’s six years since that experience and I’ve thought of it and connected it to the Goddess of Love but have never quite figured it out. I’ve come a long way in my hero’s journey. I know who I am and I know what I have accomplished from the standpoint of unveiling the mystery. I have begun to tackle the mystery of the soul mate. I was looking in the wrong places. She is all around me. She is love. She is form. She has many names and many guises. Like I said I know who I am and this should have been the clue that led me directly to her instead of wandering around aimlessly looking for her in others. Ah this life and the journey I am on can be quite amusing! Of course, the answer came to me as I was puffing away on Mapacho out in nature. There she is. Wow. She is hidden from view but with me always. 

sucking Satan’s cock

Why does society at large think it’s only the small-time operators that run get rich quick schemes? When you get access to the public purse that can endlessly print money, it seems too tempting to not take advantage of that situation, especially if you can gain the support of those in charge of the largesse through funnelling the cash back to them. What an exquisite confidence game and there are so many suckers that do their bidding and act as enforcers of this lunacy.

The lessons from the wisdom of Huachuma in the mountains of Ecuador in late 2017 are front and centre now. I am currently cracking the code of the vibratory nature of being and the different states the frequencies I lock to can raise or lower my consciousness. During this two-day intensive in the Andes, I also learned of the master world frequency which is found in the third chakra and it involves personal power and control. A jerk is someone caught up in the vibration of the third chakra. This dominant paradigm in the world puts humans into selfish mode on a quest for fame and fortune. If you join culture and play the game seriously this is what you are playing. Even if you aren’t seeking the power and control necessary to get you all the riches, you will be working for someone or some corporation that makes the fortune and distributes it to you. You exchange the best of yourself for a piece of the pie which you use to survive and perhaps have a little left over to spend on some fleeting pleasure. Within your small little world, you become one of these centres and have those dependent upon your largesse. I have a family and a dog that without me are living in poverty, begging for scraps.

Grandfather Huachuma doesn’t mince words or holdback when he is teaching. Crudely, he told me all who are caught up in the world system are sucking Satan’s cock. And he kept saying it to the point of making it really uncomfortable. I get it; there’s the large corporation that makes piles of money by running some enterprise to take advantage of others and hire a bunch of people to market, influence, and make it happen. Every corporation worth its salt needs the lawyers and accountants. The lawyers obfuscate and hide the deception while the accountants count the cash. In a large organization, it is easy for money to disappear and there’s a recognition that players of the game are untrustworthy scoundrels and will steal from their sick grandma therefore we have those arbiters of fairness so that the pie is distributed as agreed to. You do know why they lock up the toilet paper rolls in the bathroom stalls?

I get my piece of the pie by playing this game. I'm good at it. My teacher laughed and said you’re sucking Satan’s cock too. Yeah, I know. He showed me power centres and then all the connections to the main source. It was like the proverbial top-down poster of the drug lord kingpin and then all the distributors scattered throughout the globe. I’m not greedy enough to take all I can get, in essence I don’t lock to that vibration, however I enter into that level of consciousness in order to make a living. Plant medicine teachers are pretty graphic when they teach you about the predominant vibration of greed in the world. I’ve had visions of a fat and naked man rolling in a pile of gold. I’ve been shown how people with this vibe will do anything for money. They’ll not think twice about killing you if it gets them what they want. I’ve had unpleasant revelations of all serving this avarice, even those that act on the periphery of it. It was tough because I wanted to believe there is unconditional good in this world. The lessons of Ayahuasca were pretty relentless in this regard. She kept showing me how she was being used by operators of retreats that had monetized her. I didn’t like those visions; I preferred the grand narrative that her use was altruistic in nature and everyone involved was pure. I’d drink again and she’d show me repeatedly how she is being used.

There are these entry level Ayahuasca retreats everywhere. I think they are great to introduce you to the medicine. If you continue along the path, it will become obvious what the next steps are and they involve staying away from these large retreats. Well, maybe not obvious for all as sometimes the message takes a while to sink in. It’s the beauty of the medicine in that they are a wild card. No human can control what they teach; humans can modulate the brew but that usually steers the experience further off the cliff! I’m damaged goods, work in media, and I see through the marketing, the influencers, and the con jobs. Humans are untrustworthy when it comes to money. If you give them a handful of money or a free trip, they will say what you want them to say and most are not up front about it. At the end of the day or the end of your life, do you want to look back and see you were an influencer who profited off that relationship and controlled the message or did you heed the advice from Ram Dass’ guru Maharaji and “Tell the truth."

Ayahuasca would show me this reality and Huachuma would drive it home. Those who love this game of greed want to live forever and are hard at work trying to figure out the secrets of the great Mother. How to prevent the decay and dissolution of form? She told me they never will because form is love and it's something they don’t understand. Life implies death. If you want to live forever, see Medusa, and become stone.

To be blunt, influencers looking to profit off the ability to enchant, are sucking Satan’s cock. Combining the twin energetic centres of third chakra personal power with the ability to influence with fifth chakra words leads to fame and fortune. Resting within the middle of these vices, buried and forgotten, is the heart. My experience in this strange world suggests this path of avarice is ultimately a way to lead one back to the heart because in those quiet moments you see what you have done. The alternative is to find a method of addiction to numb that nagging pain. 

all is vibration

The first time I drank Ayahuasca the Great Goddess told me all is vibration as she was leaving at the end of the night. I remember my finger tapping quickly and rhythmically on the maloca floor as I was coming down back into my body. This knowledge stuck with me though I didn’t really understand it. I wrote a poem about this encounter after I returned home that summed up my feelings.

i am the music

celestial songbird,

with notes of grace.

this warbling Goddess

sings to me.

she tells me

all is vibration.

do i understand?

maybe, maybe not.

the time signature

slowly changes.

forever playing,

the chorus repeats:

her song of love,

forgiveness and longing.

my life is that song.

i am the music.

When I turned 50 I went on a trip where I was determined to finish my spiritual climb up the mountain and I arranged the trip so that I would physically climb mountains. At that point in my journey, I had encountered the dragon plus the requisite fear that meeting inculcates and as a result in order to continue on in my search I successfully transformed myself into a brave warrior. Nothing was going to stop me now on my quest for knowledge. I look back at that point in my life and realize I had the answers I was looking for but hadn’t integrated them yet into understanding but I correctly knew I was at the point where I could finish my climb. I ended up in the Andes mountains in Ecuador drinking Huachuma in the backyard of a local shaman. During the sessions I was given the information of how vibration, frequency, and resonance work and assigned homework to piece it all together so I could fully understand it. Here is what I wrote about this lesson:

It was demonstrated that you can temporarily lower your frequency signature through the use of sound and employing mantras. When your frequency matches another’s, you are in harmony and this resonance allows you to become one with the other that is expressing the same oscillation. First, it was explained how this is the reason why people are attracted to each other. The example given is when two people fall in love as It is not necessarily rational but neither can fight it because they are locked together in harmony. Once I understood this, the lesson was extrapolated into ancient technologies and I was shown how the pyramids were built. Once you find the frequency of the stone you wish to move then you alter the frequency of your workers to match and it allows for easy manipulation of megaton stones as the stone and the builder have become one. The assembling of these grand monuments then became a matter of showcasing design skills as the construction became an execution of plans by manipulating frequency through sound to achieve resonance. While being taught this I kind of thought I already might know this. It just became a case of remembering what I already knew. I became elated with this teaching that was being flooded into my thought processes like a flower opening up to the rising sun. I knew that this knowledge being revealed to me involved homework on my part to verify it as well as delving into mantra that can alter my vibrational signature. This renewed my spirit and I was so enjoying the day with Grandfather. My homesickness abated and I felt in great spirits to finish my odyssey. San Pedro then went on to explain to me how a master frequency or sync pulse is the one we all attach to and creates what we think is reality. It is the hypnotic pulse of who we like to call Satan or the world system/order. To get out of the matrix stop locking to this pulse, create your own, or practice altering your frequency so you don't get attached and stuck in this master world oscillation. Slow time down by raising your good vibrations and leave Satan's morass behind. Be the master of your own world and create your own vibration which will cause people to follow you instead of the common world vibration, which in mythology is the pied piper playing a tune.

I let the process unfold and didn’t try and force it, figuring understanding would come when I was ready. Little did I know my expectations of the length of time a course should take and the time span of courses offered by Grandfather Huachuma were wildly different. At any rate, it has been about four years and the lessons and understanding are hitting me with full force.

The world is made of vibration. The vibration is the interplay between the divine feminine and masculine. The pull of the feminine on the masculine keeps him from accelerating beyond the speed limit of light. The force of the masculine keeps the feminine from decelerating into imperceptible motion. The alternating motion created by their attraction is the frequency of the vibration.

Consciousness is a fancy name for frequency. By this, I mean all the talk of raising consciousness is the same as raising your vibration and locking into a different and higher frequency. Energy is the interplay of masculine and feminine. The game is acceleration versus deceleration. When the masculine is dominant we have liberation from form. When the feminine takes centre stage, we have form. I live in a world of form and I’m in a lower frequency where the energy has locked to a pulse that is slow enough to allow objects to coalesce. The masculine acceleration is used by the feminine to create the massive spin of form resulting in a gravitation pull that allows for biological life in a relatively stable environment. In essence, the wise feminine uses the masculine force against himself. Check and mate! The earth is a playground created by Pachamama for her children. The destructive power of the masculine accelerant moves the game along and doesn’t allow the form to stay forever in one piece thus our world is defined by change. So, consciousness is the rate of vibration that the drama is taking place upon. Within the drama is a spectrum of frequencies that are accessible while in a human body.

The world, as in culture, has a dominant frequency of greed and scarcity that we lock to. It is not set in stone and can change however it is the current paradigm that we play within and in times of frustration call the rat race. As individuals, we are all different and have our own dominant frequency we operate at and most us can move within a couple of these frequencies with relative ease as well as having access to more levels of consciousness. For the most part, most of us never reach these higher levels.

I always kind of smirked when people would bring up astrology and the zodiac. It’s preposterous to a rational man like myself. I mean come on, there’re twelve signs and of the seven billion plus people on earth we can fit everyone into one of those 12 signs like a cookie cutter human? Sorry, does not compute. Alan Watts had a great explanation for the phenomenon. I’ll paraphrase it as your sign is a snapshot of the state of the universe at your time of birth since everything is cyclical. Thinking like an ancient in that you are connected to everything and an expression of the universe, this made sense to me. I read a lot of Carl Jung and came across his 12 Jungian archetypes and did the test. It accurately pegged me as a Sage and this got me thinking if his brilliant mind could boil people down to 12 personality types maybe this astrology thing was on to something?

I’ve been a little obsessed with the Hindu chakras as of late and have been studying them on and off for about a year, letting concepts sink in, and incorporating them into my spiritual practice. Due to my work with the Mesa and Mapacho, I’m very familiar with my inner power and how to manifest it. My nightly dalliances with Kundalini energy moving up with great turbulence through my energy centres allows the inquisitive part of me to try and figure it out. She repeatedly moves up through the seven energy centres and I finally put two and two together. Those chakras are the different frequencies readily available to us humans that I had been given instruction about during my time with Huachuma in the mountains of Ecuador. They are levels of consciousness and everyone of us has access to them but we tend to live within just two of the frequencies. I started doing this exercise where to every one I know I assign a dominant chakra and a secondary chakra. Of course, I easily figured out my two.

The crown chakra is a state of being you can visit but to remain there would take major sacrifice. I am reminded of the stories Ram Dass tells about his guru Maharaji, who spends the day counting his beads and mumbling to himself “ram, ram, ram, ram…” It now seems clear to me what he was doing. He was staying high; so high he stayed in omnipotent crown chakra god mode as long as he focussed on that vibration. I’m sure he would come down to teach but then had his method for getting back up to the crown.

Enlightenment in this context seems to be the process of changing vibration and accessing all frequencies available to an eternal being ensconced within a human body. When you can light them all up and hit the jackpot, instead of just a couple at a time, that seems to be an actual process you could accurately call enlightenment. As you approach the white light time slows down and welcomes you to eternity. I wonder what frequencies of experience await when it comes time to drop the body? When you once again become omnipotent the levels of consciousness must be astronomical. Something I'll look forward to!

Ego is dependent upon the common cultural frequency to which you lock. It’s comfortable to act within your role in a narrowly defined drama. When you alter your consciousness, the ego flags it as a threat. You think you are being hypnotized when in essence you are being deprogrammed and given freedom to scan the consciousness spectrum which causes the ego to go on high alert. The old dependable you, who can be manipulated by the power centres within culture, is waking up. If you keep it up you are going to start breaking character and really tasting all life has to offer.

Okay, so let’s take a quick look at the seven frequencies of the subtle body. Our base chakra called the Muladhara is our wild nature before all the overlays of life are added. It’s our natural physical nature and we see this energy on display within animals. It’s our survival instinct that allows us to go into warrior mode for preservation or run from the danger magnified by fear if necessary. Meet a free-spirited person and they likely have this chakra as one of their main frequencies they traverse. The second chakra is the home to our lusts, desires, passions, and urges which also fuels the creative juices within us. We all know someone who expresses these traits explicitly out in the open while culture forces most of us to bury these passions which in turn causes them to build up to the point the energy must be satiated. Gluttony unchecked and the desire for more is found at this level of consciousness. Satiating desire is so satisfying and thus this is a hard obstacle to get past. The third chakra is our personal power. This powerful mental energy is found in politicians and those who strive to make it in this world. It’s the main frequency of the world, forcing everyone to play the game of fame and fortune to survive. The egomaniac pulses with this power. Lower chakras are what we normally experience in this world and here we find the final block as we strive and drive towards personal greatness. From this "all for me" energetic vibration it’s a short jump to the heart chakra. Breaking past the obstacle of selfishness leads you directly into the heart. The heart is the home of love and compassion that we constantly confuse with the second chakra. Eventual understanding leads to the recognition that in a human body this chakra in the centre is where we find the answer we seek. In duality, the only answer is to unconditionally love all. We are all of the same unfolding energetic pulse. I am you as you are me and we are all together. The fifth chakra is the throat chakra where we learn of the power we have to influence others through our speech. It is describing the magnetic personality of many that can be used to influence and gain power. As with all the levels of vibration, it can be used for positive or negative means. Personally, this chakra reminds me to live in truth and drop the narrative I create about myself. As well, be conscious now that I am older of the effect my words have on the younger generations who are still seeking out their place in life. The sixth chakra is the third eye in the psychic plane. As a natural born mystic, I know all about this chakra though I spent most of my life not knowing of my nature or my connection. Once I discovered a way to alter my consciousness, making a connection with the spiritual realm became second nature. There is a tie in to the creative energy of the second chakra which hints at the sacredness of sexual energy to the spiritual. The seventh chakra is the crown chakra where you return to omnipotence and find yourself as god/goddess. Like I said earlier, you can’t stay there but it’s fun to get a glimpse of omnipotence.

How long can you stay there, well, this goes for any of the vibratory states, is determined by your mastery of each level. From a purely colloquial standpoint, the language used within spiritual circles is pretty spot on. Terms like “I feel blocked” or “I’m going to level up” and “good vibes/bad vibes” are bandied about and the expression of these truths comes from a place within that knows. It really is quite fascinating that deep down we all know what it is we are striving for and the game becomes finding the spark that will help you remember what it is you already know. If you are chasing personal power and can’t give it up you will feel blocked and never reach the next level. Same goes for our lusts, whether that is food, drink, money, sexual pursuits, carnal pleasures and the like. If your vibration constantly pulls you towards these pursuits you’ll expend your precious energy in this frequency. It’s pretty simple to understand once you make the connections, though to put all into practice is a different story.

I was thinking the other night while smoking Mapacho about the great debt I have to some of my spiritual teachers. My rock is the Great Goddess. The Maestro of Maestros is who I call the Dragon. The three main human influences on my path have been Alan Watts, Ram Dass, and don Howard and they all brought their unique strengths and teachings to the table. Alan Watts appeals to me because of his ability to intellectually break down worldwide spiritual concepts which allows for understanding. Ram Dass is very different in that his journey was experiential and there is something to him that is very genuine. His admission that he is a spiritual dilettante is very endearing. I mean why not? The goal of a spiritual discipline should lead you to the god within and the vibratory nature of the universe. How you get there is of no real concern. I met don Howard at a time in my life when I needed guidance on the spiritual path and he provided a place I could trust as well as introducing me to concepts and experiences I would never have come across. The power of the Mesa and my love of Mapacho are directly related to my good fortune of coming into his sphere of influence and I don’t think it was accidental. I mean, I can’t envision my life path and all I have discovered without having met the wizard. Anyway, I bring up these three men because their teachings are multi-faceted and you can listen to them over and over again because when you’re ready you will grok the teaching. I usually joke about listening to Alan Watts’ lectures about ten times before I finally understand the topic. Ram Dass’ teachings are simpler and more heart based. They are laid out pretty straightforward and in this way he is being a conduit for his guru Maharaji. I have mentioned before the simple teaching of Maharaji telling him to "Love all and tell the truth.” This advice is wildly transforming. I happened upon one of his earlier lectures and he was talking about vibration and everything was lining up with what I have discovered in my own experimentation. It’s funny that of course now this is resonating with me. This led to me remembering a three-word slogan he uses. Love Serve Remember. Love all, Serve all, and Remember God.

I grew up chafing at religion, God, and the like so the use of the word God is always slightly problematic. Ram Dass talks of God, guru, and self all being one so I get what he means by remembering God. I finally made the connection of the missing link of vibration and it relates to what this blog post is all about. Maharaji would sit all day with his blanket and mumble “ram, ram, ram, ram…”. Ram being God. Everyday, in his notebook he’d write two pages of “ram, ram, ram, ram…”. He’d have his beads in his hands constantly counting them while remembering God. He mastered vibration and was using these techniques to stay in the crown chakra! So, he gives the simple instruction “Remember God.” You want to hang out at this level of consciousness then it’s really easy. Spend every waking moment doing acts that will bring you to God. You want to be in the heart chakra then Love All and Serve All. That’s it. Easy, right?

the serpent power

This study of tantra has opened up a liberating line of thinking. It has led me to experience the chakra energy centres within the subtle body non-linearly instead of treating them as a conceptual ladder of ascension that symbolize achievement of spiritual bona fides. What I mean is all the energy within the body can be experienced and it’s all sacred. Instead of treating the lower chakras such as the second chakra of sexual energy as a gross manifestation of energy that needs to be refined and purified, I was shown that the creative power which sustains life is the direct result of this energy. This knowledge has been staring me in the face and I have been denying it all my life due to cultural hang-ups about sex. Once it was pointed out to me, I immediately connected to this wisdom and felt so free. It does tie into liberation where you let go of your narrative and the hold culture has on you and just sit with what you experience. It’s so natural and yet sexual energy is denied and buried in our culture. It is the rocket boost to send you up on your way in your journey of ascension after unification and transformation.

Another revelation is the nature of each of the chakra energy centres and how we have subsequently organized, structured, and placed them into a hierarchy. Once again, it is through liberation of thought I connected with different ways of perceiving energy. It was pointed out by a teacher that in meditation you don’t experience these states in the order you read about them. I definitely already knew that but and it’s strange this fact had to be pointed out to me so I could register and acknowledge the reality of these vibrational centres. Perhaps I thought I was an outlier? The energy centres are non-linear and can be accessed independently of the others. Quite often in meditation you may find yourself in the higher states and you will notice your access was not a linear and structured progression to get there. First off, I’ve experienced a purple energy, followed by an energy that resembles an eye, as well as a bluish energy encircled by gold speckles. These are the higher spiritual states yet they are what I experience during deep meditation. The lower chakra centres on the ascending scale I have never directly experienced in meditation, though curiously with the plant medicine Huachuma they manifest as smouldering hot red and orange flames of passion that lead to the heart and a green energy becomes palpable. The power experienced is non-linear and it’s our left hemispheric brain which takes a perceptual experience, devoid of a linear defining characteristic, and organizes them into some kind of achievement to be ascended a step at a time. It’s very funny to see the process that the masculine mind tries to overlay upon the non-structured feminine.

As with all attempts of defining experiences on this path, it’s near impossible to fit chakras into a non-linear or linear box. Though I realized I can access their respective vibratory states in a non-linear fashion, the actual linear ladder like climb is the stuff of the masculine hero on his journey of ascension. Each power centre acts as a block on the path and the one that holds your particular predilections is the most arduous of them all to break free of. In my case, I found a dragon that prevented full access to this tree of life however I was able to move past him after developing a little courage and bravery. The second chakra of life passions, desires, lusts, and urges has been my particular bugaboo and the biggest block upon my path. It wasn’t until I understood the vibratory nature of existence that I was able to master this frequency. Onwards towards the third chakra and my egoistic aspirations and personal power. Like all, I have selfishness however I have never exalted myself or tried to take advantage of others for personal gain. The one roadblock I do see in this frequency is spiritual inflation. To put it bluntly, I know I’m god. That’s a tough one to not succumb to inflating one’s outlook upon themselves. I think it’s kind of funny and I know you’re god too so I don’t think I’ll get too stuck. It’s the next chakra, the heart, that I’ll need to spend some time on. Head up and heart forward.

In addition, chakras are dualistic so that each energy centre has a positive and negative charge. For instance, the second chakra can undulate with desire or can express the awesome ability to create. The throat chakra gives you the power of words to use to enchant, influence, or tell the truth. It’s your choice in how you want to use the power bestowed by the flowering of the energy.

As with most experiences on my spiritual journey, I experienced the coming on and rising of the kundalini energy and had no idea what was going on. Looking back on my early experiences with the plant magic of Ayahuasca and Huachuma, I can see how powerful they are for changing consciousness in addition to taking you into states of energetic rapture where it’s trial by fire. Even if I had studied tantric yoga and was intellectually immersed in all outcomes of the psychedelic states, nothing compares to actually being in the eye of the storm. The second time I drank Huachuma, my whole body started vibrating with the energy reaching a crescendo that brought me to my knees. The sensation was this fluttering within that was very strong. Think of a giant moth buzzing behind your ear with a great vibration but that being within your body. I felt my heart opening but wasn’t scared by the effect it was having on my heart. I could very easily see someone thinking they are having a heart attack. Instead, I just stayed on the ground with my whole body in some kind of a pre-orgasmic state. I closed my eyes and saw two huge serpents flanking an incredible ball of intense light. I held out my hands for others to touch so they could feel the energy and someone else wondered what I was experiencing. I blurted out “serpent energy” which was strange because I just said it without thinking. Throughout the rest of the day I was seeing serpent shapes in the ground and cycling in and out of highly energetic states.

I had no idea at the time what happened. I was taken aback by all of it and was even unsure at the time if I should drink Huachuma again. I convinced myself to experience this potentiator of energy a couple days later and looking back I can clearly see what happened. I was blasted into the heart chakra. I sat on the boat on the Amazon river and felt this incredible cosmic bliss. My heart was wide open and I looked up into the sky and this rainbow patch formed. We got off the boats and I felt such love for the tribe we were visiting. I physically started seeing energy manifest all around me and I was confused by this novel experience and spiralled down again. When we returned to the boats I sat beside the shaman don Rober and once again my heart opened but it was so strange. How bizarre that I’d spent my life with a heart so closed that when it was opened I was confused by the sensation. As we returned to the Sanctuary, I looked into the distance and saw manifest heavenly apparitions of fireworks. I now look back on the experience as a celebration of blasting through the energetic chakra centres and then lighting off fireworks at the completion. The funny thing was at the time I had no idea and just wanted off the ride!

The musical scale mimics these energy centres within the body. This is vibrational magic and the expression "good vibes" is not just a trite expression. Changing vibration is how the magic works. In order to access occluded planes of consciousness, alter your vibration. Practice the ability to modulate frequency through love, emotion, music, speech, desire, and the like. Try singing the musical scale now. Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do. Notice how you start deep within and to hit the high note requires you to look towards the top of your head to hit it. It’s a pretty good meditation to sing the ascending scale and then reverse it so the energy descends. Now, notice the rhythm section in a piece of music. It’s a low-level bass and drums. Just like the root chakra, it is the pulse of our life beating out our song.

Within your daily life you can find experiences and practices to further you along on your journey. Obviously, it is impractical to function day to day high on a mind-manifesting substance that changes your vibration so the answer is to make your life the spiritual practice you seek. 

sacrifice

There’s always something to master. I embarked upon a spiritual path about 14 years ago and I have answered the majority of the questions that I wondered about. I am cautiously proud of myself for seeing the journey through, for forging onwards when the journey got very difficult, and for not falling into any of the myriad of pitfalls placed along the path. Always having something to master is frustrating. I would have thought spiritual mastery and seeing through the game would be the ultimate achievement. I’m pretty much at this point, yet I am incredibly frustrated at my inability to master some basic life skills. My otherworldly teachers must shake their heads as never before have they had a student that could complete the spiritual journey like I did considering my starting point as a beta male in a western material world. Worldly power and rewards did not capture me. Cultural pitfalls sure to trip anyone up, I sidestepped. Heavy doses of fear, I overcame. Threats of death I ignored and soldiered on. Many magicians posing as teachers reached out for me however I stuck to the dead teachers of yesteryear and ignored the parasites that attached themselves to their teachings. Ha ha I did it! I won! I see with a clarity like no other how it all works. Yet, my life isn’t perfect. Desires and thought patterns I know I can break free of I remain a slave to. I think I should turn my attention towards them much like I did with the spiritual path. I need to quell the frustration within.

Liberation involves sacrifice. When you are ready to go full on into freeing yourself from all that holds you back then you have to start giving up some things that will cause you suffering or in some cases it’s sacrificing some pleasure to forego that subsequent pain. Ice cream will give you some immediate mouth pleasure however the obesity and diabetes may not be worth it in the end!

I wanted to write a blog post about sacrifice in order to better understand it. My knowledge concerning sacrifice immediately leads me to stories in the Bible concerning sacrifice for ablution of sin and the story of Abraham’s obedience to Yahweh concerning sacrificing his firstborn son Isaac. In that case, it’s a pretty good study of what was valued the most in that period of time and to Abraham it was his son Isaac who would inherit his worldly possessions gained by his accomplishments. The test was to see if he would give that up for his god. Similarly, the idea of sacrificing your best bullock to your god is a big deal. We’d all prefer to give up the small and sickly animal and the idea of ancient sacrifice involved paying a heavy price. A nice reward from your chosen deity isn’t free.

What is the limit of credulity? What can you get humans to do in order to obtain power? Do they have a limit as to how far they will go? For some, there doesn’t seem to be a line they wouldn’t cross. Is that the lesson of the absurdity of the backbone of some religions? If you give up what is the most valuable to you, besides your own life, then you will be rewarded. The sacrifice is a symbol of your depravity and the extremes you would go to get what you want. Would you sacrifice your firstborn to gain favour with your god? When the bastions of power within society come for your children for profit and the subsequent power it brings, do you let them have your children or do you stand up at great risk to life and livelihood?

Sacrifice of life in order to go on living is a necessity. Daily involuntary slaughter of life so that we survive. That reality is something I don’t like thinking about. What is survival and why do I have to take life to live? Why do I trap myself in a belief that in order to attain my spiritual bona fides I need to become a vegan and not take animal life? What is the reward that is sought? Are you not upsetting the god of the plants? Why this paradox and this question I can’t satisfactorily answer? For animal life forms, the game is designed so you have to eat others or perish and eventually in turn be eaten. Them the parameters of the game, if you choose to play. Limit the suffering, move on towards the next level, and don’t get caught.

This kind of answers the question about ancient practices of taking life as ritual and sacrifice. Since there was no way out of the trap, in turn it was made holy. The life was offered to the god, including the best fat of the animal, and in turn you got your fill.

There’re also stories, not only in the Bible, but throughout antiquity of sacrificing the firstborn with a prohibition concerning this practice in the Bible confirming that it was practised in ancient times to gain favour with a chosen god. Ultimately, the substitute sacrifice for the firstborn is transferred on to the Lamb and reaches its fruition in the New Testament crucifixion and sacrifice of Christ to save humankind from its sins. The backbone of Judeo-Christianity is sacrifice of the firstborn.

I could go on and on about this and have even written a book about this very idea however it’s not the scope of this post. What I’m really trying to get at is the concept of sacrifice. At its core, sacrifice seems to be the idea that in order to gain something from your god or perhaps gain favour there has to be a transactional exchange. This struck a chord with me because it sounds like the concepts of reciprocity and reconciliation. We are playing a zero-sum game and for every gain for someone there is a loss for others. In a community where resources are all shared, if someone suddenly has way more material goods than another then somewhere along the line someone had to suffer a loss in order for the wealthy to have acquired their goods.

Spiritual paths of antiquity all had elements of sacrifice in them. You gave something up of value to the gods in exchange for a boon or forgiveness. In a way, it speaks to reconciliation and reciprocity where in essence you are trying to even out your karma so the evil eye of others’ jealousy does not cast a spell on your good fortune.

The concept of reciprocity as found in pre-Columbian South America was called ayni and operated on the simple concept that for everything you take you must give back an equal amount. I’ve seen it at work in my exploration of plant medicines. You can ask for a favour or a healing from a plant however there is an offering to be made. In other words, a sacrifice. It’s an honour system where the plant medicine will give you the boon you asked for and then await fulfillment of what you promised in return. This is where reconciliation comes into play. If you work with plant medicines enough you will see that if you do not fulfill your promises, eventually they leave you. The internet is rife with stories of selfish humans claiming the plants abandoned or turned on them; all said in earnest without a clue that the problem may lay with you and the fact you are all take and no give.

So, what I’m getting at is the concept of sacrifice parallels with the idea of reciprocity. Giving up something to get something. Reciprocity and reconciliation. The ultimate sacrifice was when you originally gave up knowledge of self for a ticket to the carnival of life. To return, I must sacrifice the rewards and pleasures of this life I have earned and grown accustomed towards. It’s such an interesting wheel of fortune. Give it all up to advance on the big game board. Give it all up for a new roll of the dice. Start over with nothing and play that earth game until you accumulate a new-found fortune. And then to return home, you once again give it all away. The ticket to ride always involves sacrifice.

You sacrifice omnipotence in order to play the game of life. Finally, you sacrifice the self and everything you accumulated in order to return to what it was you originally sacrificed. Therein lies the rub: Do you wait until the catastrophic full stop of death or do you beat the game and do it now?