Monday, July 30, 2018


We live in a compositing model of existence. We are all separate objects against a transparent background and a great and mysterious compositor layers all objects together to create a seamless manifest universe. The great compositor can also be viewed as an architect. This is ridiculous. I am a part of my environment; I cannot be separated from it. My environment is part of the earth, which is part of the solar system, which is part of the galaxy, which is part of the universe.

There is no need to objectify even the universe or describe it as the one. That is clinging to the belief in objects. I can come to terms with giving up all objects except for that one. I will still stubbornly believe there is the one great object that everything comes from. Take a sledgehammer to that last belief you so desperately cling to and the only way I can describe this in language is to say then it just "is", with this word "is" being used as a verb and not a noun.

Monday, July 23, 2018

the eternal song

Consciousness is awareness therefore thoughts and feelings are generated by something external. Consciousness takes ownership of these thoughts and feelings but they are attachments. This is awareness and energy playing an eternal game. Energy is magic, can assume any form, and becomes the object of awareness' desire. This elixir gives rise to thoughts and feelings and the game is on. The human is a special case because of the ability to self reflect. They can think about thinking. We grab hold of thoughts and then have thoughts about them which sets up a feedback loop where we form a new thought based on thinking about a thought. It is within this web that we find ourselves tangled up in.

As I was sitting outside on my deck smoking Mapacho, I looked at the chair across from me and wondered at what point did it become a chair? It was a plastic form that was moulded into a shape, given four legs, two armrests, a seat, and a back. Now I defined it as an object and it seems as real as anything else in this world. I then projected that construct onto my ego and deduced my ego is real because I have defined it as being real. It exists because I give it the power to do so by recognizing it as such. Taking this further, my body is distinct and real for the same reasons. The conundrum in all of this is that everything that seems real are just constructs we have all agreed upon as being so. In this thinking I give rise to a self. I essentially give rise to the world through delineation. This recursive process emanating from a false construct of ego is the cause of all separation. So this error in thinking feedbacks into a recursive loop where the one self becomes the many selves.

The feminine divine is the one object and everything is derivative of her however I have realized she is not even an object. The first time I drank Ayahuasca she told me of her essence - the Goddess told me all is vibration and I came to eventually realize all of creation is from this pulsation. I didn't realize at the time she was also referring to herself, it took about 5 years, and then it hit me. My ignorance was fostered by the language spell that we are all hypnotized with and therefore I wanted to objectify her. Over the course of the last five years I have slowly discarded notions of concreteness for everything except for her, as I could detect everything as being inseparable from totality. All it then took was taking a sledgehammer to my clinging to the idea that there had to be one eternal object even though I know all objects are things you can't count on, nothing lasts, perceived objects are all subject to dissolution, and this energy transforms into something else. The ancient Egyptians depicted this phenomenon in the natural order of things with the scarab Khepri, the master of transformation.

Khepri with scarab head and human body

To grasp the eternal is to see ever transforming patterns coming forth from an eternal energy source that gives away its secrets to those who can quiet their minds and just observe nature without putting their spin on what they observe. Awareness is to become the jaguar, observe, and react to that input. Nothing lasts, but the energy is always there rising and falling, coming magically into existence, and then performing a disappearing act, in preparation to eventually bloom again just like the flowers, the grasses, the seasons, the moon, the sun, breathing, my sleep cycle, my libido, and on it goes. Eventually you make the connection to the beating of your heart.

She has shown me all this in subsequent Ayahuasca ceremonies. She presented herself as whirling energy containing the potentiality of everything. She has also presented herself to me as Queen, as maiden, as lover, a sexually charged woman, as wife, mother, grandmother, a cat, a cow, twin se
rpents, a slithering green boa, the ancient Egyptian goddesses Hathor and Neith, and Love. She encouraged me to climb the mountain, savour it, then let it go, and come back down to the valley.

In ancient Egypt the Great Goddess Hathor was propitiated through the shaking of the musical instrument called the sistrum.

Renpet with Hathor adorned sistrum

Hathor with her association to music and dance, was invoked on a deeper level through the movement and sound created by the sistrum and this is revealing that the ancient Egyptians were aware of her eternal essence as vibration by choosing this method of worship to call upon her. They objectified her on their tomb walls, in temples of devotion, and they depicted her as mother, lover, Queen, serpent, cow, and lioness however the use of the sistrum reveals a level of understanding of the nature of Hathor as being vibratory energy. In a culturally similar way, the Hindus ultimately revealed their understanding of the Great Goddess Shakti, the energy source behind all and what powers Shiva. In the Tantric Chakra system they devised for understanding the subtle body, it is Shakti as the Kundalini serpent that must be propitiated and roused in order to awaken this energy within that then rises up through the chakras thus 'enlightening' the aspirant.

So I am a pattern of awareness that has come forth from the eternal vibration, living in an intricately woven cloth of multiple vibratory strands that are so well tailored we confuse it for a tangible and solid world, and then base our worldview upon that erroneous intuition. This energy, all from the same fount, rises from the darkness of potentialities, climbs the mountain of appearance, and then returns to the mother in preparation for coming forth by day once again.

She is the eternal song and I am the music.

Monday, July 16, 2018

get back to the now

The separation of the monad as the event. All subsequent events are echoes of the original event which contained everything. The past is derivative of the eternal Now. When the monad separated, the explosion sent out vibrations deep into what can be thought of as the past. At first this energy created a huge ripple of space and time, a massive time cycle, which is measured in distance and duration. As the energy dissipates, the vibrations' peaks and valleys get less intense. We are all living in an explosion of space and time which is creating a past and everything is eventually headed back towards the eternal Now. All of creation is a vibration and time will eventually run in reverse to flow back towards the Now. The future is just past events that have yet to reoccur; they originally occurred during the original explosion of energy and await their replaying on the road home, all leading to the ever present Now. Get back to the Now. Home is Now and we want to return.

The frequency at which our vibration is oscillating is determining our ability to remember the past. Now is the only state there is but when we are able to self reflect and perceive Now it creates echoes much like the decay of a musical note. What makes music interesting is this decay. The decay of the note is leaving a trail behind of itself that we perceive as a past however it is all derivative of the eternal Now. Now is a ship sailing in the ocean and its wake is the past being left behind. The movement of the ship is such that we can look back into the water at the past and see the ripples our presence has made. This leads to questions such as when did Now start creating a past? It would have to be when it became active. From a cosmological standpoint the big bang would have created a huge vibrational force that exploded outwards, thus creating a first event. This event starts the process of creating dualities, and once the cresting vibrational wave has sufficiently slowed, the perception of separate objects. All time events then build off that event as the ship sails back from the farthest reaches of the past which was the crest of the wave, towards a date with destiny where Now and the trough of the vibrational wave meet and becomes unified once again.

The ship is catapulted far into the deep past by the big bang explosion and then it sails back to start retracing the events that were created as the wave vibration was ascending. Are we in the ascension or descension stage of the vibration? Modern astrophysics describes the universe as expanding so apparently the wave has not crested as of yet and events are still being created. Eventually the universe will collapse inwards and from that is set up an interesting conundrum: will all created time events then get played in reverse? A flip. Will the dead rise!?!

Monday, July 9, 2018

take the long way home

Climbing the spiritual mountain is the supreme egoic accomplishment in this game. By reaching the top you essentially become the most high. The race to the top, while dealing with your split personality, eventually satisfies both sides of the contending halves of your mind. In other human pursuits, this drive to get to the top of your game is the shiny right hand path beckoning you on with promises of fame and fortune. Once reached, the accolades come pouring in. You have made it!

There are two paths, the left and the right. One is shiny, full of your immediate desires, and leads to your cyclical death and re-birth. The other is mundane and dull however unlike desire that appears, peaks, and disappears it just is, it follows the arcing and declension of the natural way. And that's the choice. In ancient Egypt the two courses can be represented as the cyclical path of the sun god versus the stability of Osiris and the ultimate meaning is contained in their two concepts of time which are neheh and djet.

Osiris and Re merged into one

Neheh is the cyclical path that Re makes and brings time to order. Djet just is; it is not created nor governed.

The right hand path is the path of the sun. Round and round he goes, daily climbing that mountain in the north, shining in full radiance at midday, and then falling into the waters after exhausting himself. The next day he does the same thing, on and on he goes always taking that shiny bejeweled route. The left hand path is the path of the moon. She appears in a cycle out of the waters broken, but eventually reconstituting herself until she shines as well. She does not shine as brightly as the sun however she does not flame out daily like the sun. Instead she takes her time on this journey to completeness until following the natural way loses her power and she returns to the darkness to regenerate herself over a three day period. The sun is forcing things and his brilliance is short in comparison to the moon, as she follows the great Tao. She lives one life for every twenty eight he lives. In this creation that has manifested, everything is subject to the rhythms of the natural way of things.

I see life and I see death all around me. Day breaks and then night sets upon us. I wake and then I sleep. The energy that courses through me is cyclical. It comes and goes in an undulating serpentine rhythm. To replenish the energy, I need to eat and rest. Like moths to the flame, we are all attracted to fame, fortune, and glory. Looking around I can see the natural path is to take the long way home, shine brightly in full radiance, and then return to the void.

Monday, July 2, 2018


There is no eternal reward or punishment. It is a choice whether to get off the wheel of incarnation. Desire is the overriding factor in whether you wish to return to the sensual world and its pleasures and sufferings. There is no ultimate morality and no ideals you have to live up to as they are all products of the times. Existence is an experience, a game, and you can play it any way you wish. So what do you do when you get to this point of clarity and understanding? You can do whatever you want. There are no cosmic repercussions. But therein lies the rub. I have now an eternal get out of jail free card. Now it is left up to me. I am free. And what I do with this freedom will ultimately define and reveal my character through the choices I make. Don Howard talks of integrity, he mentions impeccability, and you can't miss him talking about reciprocity. I don't have to live up to any of these lofty ideals or act in accordance with them at all. It's my choice. It doesn't matter and it is precisely why it doesn't matter that it is such a vexing problem. My character isn't real. My personality is a sham. I know that. In this quixotic game of life I just keep hearing don Howard say "just lead by your own shining example." Reading between the lines of the wisdom he imparts I know that means ultimately have integrity, be impeccable, be of service, and give back. Can I do that even though there's no carrot at the end of the stick? Can and will I do that just because? Do I choose to be part of the problem or part of the solution? How I want the world to be is what I bring to the table and how I act. It doesn't matter, yet it is the reality I will have helped create.