the evolution of god

Culture is a bitch. I mean I learned in English literature class in high school that every good story needed an antagonist. After all, it’s hard to go on a hero’s journey without one. I learned from seeking answers to vexing spiritual questions that the answer to all is found within after your external journey has become exhausted. It was strange that I couldn’t see that until I looked everywhere except within for answers. Our life is a drama; I’d also take game for an answer. It would suck if everything were a constant and all was provided for. Some stability is needed in order to allow progression; I mean if I am constantly on the hunt for food and needing protection then I couldn’t very well sit here at my computer and ruminate upon the nature of existence. So eventually you conclude that you and everyone else are god and living out this funny existence. Or at least that’s the conclusion I reached. We are the psychic manifestation, to wit the avatars of consciousness splintered, of the dreaming mind at large. This mind being a reconciliation of all that then self reflects through expressing the energy into what we have labelled the universe in our search for understanding. So far so good. However English lit class said this would get boring without an adversary. Luckily within it is this darkness that challenges and harangues us. When first confronted with it, myself being exhibit A, I ran from it and then processed the experience as a bad trip and an external enemy. I curiously returned to take another look and the darkness was always with me; I couldn’t bypass it. After exhausting avenues of blame for this stain upon my holy self I finally realized that I was indeed the darkness. Once I grokked this truth I could peer even more into the underpinnings of self. Hmmm... there’s a lot of hate, desires, lusts, perversions, greed, possessiveness, and jealousy buried down there. Conversely a whole lotta love. All elements utilized to keep the story moving along. All plot devices for when the drama gets stale.

I was elated to learn I was god. It’s quite the trip you know, especially when everyone else is ignorant of their divine status. Being able to play this role while others are still lost is the root of monotheism. That’s a good business model to dupe the plebs and get power, fame, and fortune. But I digress. What I mean by culture is a bitch is the realization you are god leads to the crossroads. As a seeker you have a choice to stop and say, "cool I’m god" and all is going to work out and I’ll play this role, advisably in a quiet manner lest the whispers of your insanity start. Conversely you may keep seeking on the path to an unattainable knowledge of self. As I have explained before, I stay aboard that ship of fools. I kept at it and the next step in the evolution of god then presented itself. In order to play the part of god and really make it stick I need an adversary. A tempter to throw me off my holy path and one that no one can transcend despite appearances and assurances that they are now enlightened and have moved beyond the human.

Yeah, so here’s the thing. As god I’m also the devil. Far out stuff to keep the game afoot. It’s tough to accept, though, because of cultural indoctrination. This realization still gives me the creeps. I mean the devil? Come on, that dude is really scary, and I’m him? Can I be that guy? The indoctrination goes so deep I am loathe to admit it. Seriously, though I don’t want to accept that culture still plays a role in my seeking, I deep down know it does. I know it because I have reached the stage where I must fully accept I am the adversary who tempts in order to fulfill the role of keeping this game going. The game is set up to learn knowledge of self. If you are the all how do you seek outside psychiatric help when you learn of your pathology? Well, you can’t. The only way to do it is to divide up all your neuroses into aspects of self and then give yourself amnesia. Then through challenge and stress you may learn what it is you are really made of, what you suck at, and then work on moving past that block or at least admitting to it.

It goes back to the union of the divine feminine and masculine and how we are currently separated. Divorce makes up the manifest universe and through this playground we are seeking knowledge and understanding of self so that when we do finally recombine into a harmonious whole, we can drop the acrimony. The long separation began due to this inability to get along and so we went our separate ways. Who would give in first to longing? I lost that bet though in my ignorance I did win the first round. Once I discovered who she was then I longed to hold and possess her once more. She is on to that possession game though. Isn’t that the reason for the separation? From a unique perspective I view this all as teasing foreplay bringing us to the edge of giving in. When we look into each other’s eyes we feel it and want to embrace. We take turns denying each other satisfaction. Yeah, I still have much work to do before I give up the game and recombine into the all.