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Showing posts with label game. Show all posts
Showing posts with label game. Show all posts

Monday, July 6, 2026

obedience

Dogs are bred to obey.
Humans are conditioned more than bred for obedience.
I'm not obedient.
They kicked me out of the carnival for lack of obedience.
And because I'm the most disobedient, what did I do?
Nothing.
I didn't leave.
I didn't obey.


Is it a game of obedience?
Yeah, that one is.
You see if you can disobey and break the spell.
Then what happens?
You can do whatever you want.
Well, sort of.
There are rules.
The most effective form of disobedience is when you do nothing.
If you disobey by doing something, they got you.
Why?
They can escalate it until you trap yourself.
How do you escalate nothing?
Fuck, I don't know.
Is that the unsolvable koan?
Yeah, you reached the end of the koan game.
How do I know?
You can't solve it.
You can't escalate nothing by doing something.
That makes it worse.
What's a higher ideal than nothing?
Beyond nothing?
What's that?
I don't know.
I think it's the big bang into something else.
Nothing is at the edge.
Yeah.
Just like everything.
Well, how do you escalate everything?
You add nothing to it.
You can add nothing to everything and escalate everything.
Why doesn't that work in reverse?
What happens?
You get something.
It's not nothing.
When you add nothing to everything you still have everything.
So, nothing is the highest ideal?
It's the unsolvable ideal in terms of a mind puzzle.
You can solve everything.
So, I solved the unsolvable koan?
Sort of.
You declare it unsolvable.
You can do that?
Yes, it's the answer.
So, I beat the game.
Yes.
What do I win?
Nothing.
Ah, best reward ever.


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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece treats obedience as one of the carnival’s deeper games. Dogs are bred to obey, humans are conditioned to obey, and the speaker defines himself by refusing the command to leave. The highest form of disobedience is not rebellion through action, because action can be answered, escalated, and used to trap you. The true break in the spell is doing nothing. Nothing cannot be escalated without becoming something else. In that unsolvable koan, the game ends: the reward for beating obedience is nothing, which is the best reward.

Monday, May 11, 2026

secular vanaprastha


The long slow goodbye begins at middle age.
The rollercoaster crests, and down you go in terms of your physical virility.
Well, I think peak virility is around 18 years old for a man, but, yes, in terms of physical decline the acceleration is noticeable around middle age.
I think the crest is around 18 years in and then the ride begins in earnest.
It's called adulthood.
When the average life expectancy was around 72 years that divided cleanly into four stages.
54 would mark the end of the 3rd stage and into the final ride.
Freedom 55.
You are finished with your worldly duties and off into the forest you go to figure out life.
Vanaprastha in Hinduism.
Part of focusing on the spiritual at that point is no longer being able to physically support yourself.
You are reliant on your children.
It's the cultural expectation in India.
Hinduism is a way of life.
I take it you don't follow that method.
I respect it, but I'm not a Hindu.
What's your plan with the rollercoaster that heads towards physical death where you need to rely on others?
Hindus didn't have financial markets or advisors giving them advice to save for Vanaprastha.
You don't need to physically work if you save for retirement.
Your money works for you.
Instead of a forest dweller, you can become a philosopher.
What's the difference?
Historically a philosopher has money which is the means to live a life of contemplation.
A forest dweller choses a simple life that doesn't require money.
They must make do with what the forest provides.
Don't they spend most of their time then on basic survival?
Yes, it's very spiritual.
I can see that.
You renounce the buzz of human economic activity and lead a simple life which allows you to reconnect with nature.
Through nature you become more spiritual because you are no longer in the carnival.
Yeah, that's it.
Are you going to find your cabin in the woods?
No.
Why not?
You already spend a lot of time alone in the forest.
The philosopher path appeals more to me.
What is appealing?
I want to bake the funnel cake of life and then eat it.
So, you want to remain in the carnival?
Yes.
Why?
It has everything you need.
Yes, but it is an illusion which obscures you from reality.
Yeah.
That's why you exit it in the hope you will see through it.
The thinking is you can't see it while you are in it.
Why not?
The bright lights.
You think it is reality.
The Hindus teach you to get out of it and then discover what it is all about.
Does that work?
I don't know; I'd have to go talk to a bunch of forest dwellers.
Do you think they know?
It's pure projection if I answer.
Okay, what about yourself?
I woke up in the carnival and didn't do anything rash.
I balanced my old life with my awakening.
I noticed a lot of people upon awakening end up in spiritual communities or make choices based on their awakening.
I didn't do that.
I remained in the carnival and mostly kept to myself.
It took a while and I had to do the spiritual work, but I reached the second awakening.
What's that?
You see it.
What?
The carnival.
It's an illusion.
Do you think a forest dweller sees it?
I think so.
So, that's a path towards the truth of reality.
Yes.
Wouldn't you teach that because it is a cleaner path and those on a spiritual trip would resonate with it.
There is something romantic about living in the woods if you are so inclined.
I think you see through the illusion on your deathbed.
I don't think you do before that event.
By then it is too late to explain it to anyone.
Why not?
You are mumbling incoherently as you make your exit.
Your knowledge of the game is dismissed as a hallucination caused by the shutdown of your major organs.
It's a failsafe.
A failsafe for what?
Keeping the carnival open and prosperous.
Why?
The carnival is the attraction.
If you shut it down, why would you incarnate?
I think it is to get away from everyone in the purely mental realms.
The attraction of physical incarnation is vast expanses of forest where you can be left alone.
That's the attraction.
What's the carnival then?
It's the funhouse.
We don't want to be alone.
So, we come here for solace and end up at the carnival?
No, I think deep down everyone wants to go to the carnival.
Why?
You can manifest your desires.
All those dirty and lustful thoughts in your head you can make come true.
You can have physical sex with other people.
Do you want that or do you want peace and quiet in the forest?
I think you want both.
Why choose?
Yes, so the way to accomplish that is to awaken the second time and see the carnival.
Don't become an impotent spiritual elder.
Stay virile.
Play the game while retreating to the forest, so you don't get lost in the game again.
Is this a new religion you are coming up with?
Yes, I think so.
What is it?
Paulism.
Nice.

Monday, April 20, 2026

pariah


Another good word of the day.
Pariah.
Someone who is despised, rejected, and friendless.
I'm not despised.
Well, you are working on that.
You aren't despised because you are a mystery.
Total transparency would help the cause.
Hurt it?
Depends on goals.
Then the word of the day can be ostracized.
What would happen then?
That would be so much happiness you'd explode.
I think that's hyperbole, but I get it.
Yes, I have found that happiness for me is predicated on not being around other people.
That seems to be the genesis of it.
Throughout my life I found ways to be alone.
Even at work I'd try to hide in a room away from others.
You liked the company of a few people.
Getting married and having kids has led to happiness.
True, however, they aren't the reason.
Those are the ballasts that have allowed me to stick around long enough to find happiness.
So, that's it - a game of longevity?
I think so.
I don't think it is a hard and fast rule or requirement.
I think if we are honest with ourselves, we do know what will make us happy.
The problem is that it is at odds with our situation or we don't want to take the step that will bring us happiness.
Why not?
You will disappoint other people.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
What defines your happiness?
How would you label it?
Being left alone.
Reducing obligations.
Searching for meaning and answers.
Doing my own thing.
Exploring my mind.
Working from home.
Not having to go out into public.
Having a forest to walk in.
Knowing how to cook my favourite foods.
Writing.
Mary Jayne and Tobacco.
Good sleep and naps.
A decent amount of spending money but not being rich.
Helping other people from a distance.
That's the alchemical mixture that discovered my personal happiness.
That would make someone else sad.
They'd want to mix with other people and family.
I know that.
Some people don't want to be left alone.
I sort of get that.
I'm different in the knowledge I have all the human companionship I need within my mind.
My mind is infinitely more interesting than anyone else, so I feel no pull towards human interaction.
I do know the one thing my elixir lacks is a companion, and that's a dog.
A dog is the crowning of my happiness vibe.
Why is that?
A friend.
There's something about friendship.
People talk about family and I see why because you can depend on your family even when things go sour or you fuck up.
You mean your biological family.
Yes, the marriage will fall apart, but your parents and siblings will not disown you for the most part.
Yeah, you are stuck with them.
It's an interesting set up for sure.
A friend is someone you like having around.
That's the reason I have no human friends.
I don't like people around me.
I do like dogs.
They don't demand of me what will annoy me.
Why don't you examine that relationship?
Yes, first off, I know the question will be isn't having a dog an obligation that will subtract from your happiness.
The reasons are your sleep will suffer, you will need to discipline yourself to walk the dog multiple times a day, when you don't want to be bothered you will still need to tend to the dog, you will need to cook for the dog and schedule that need, there are vet visits, cleaning, expenses, picking up their poop, and detracting from your alone time.
Furthermore, you can't disappear into the woods for as long as you do now.
Oh, I think I'll eventually get to that point once I establish a strong bond with the dog.
I'm not too put out by that.
I'll figure it out.
Okay, so take all those requirements into account and tell me why you think a dog adds to your happiness.
They are very appreciative.
They bond with you and love you.
Friendship in that regard is transcendence.
What do you mean?
It's beyond what you put into it.
Then it is not balanced.
Correct, the disturbance and annoyance brings great happiness.
Why?
Balance.
But it's not.
Happiness is a result of your efforts.
Ah.
You find the formula.
You see what feels right in terms of caring for the dog and in return you get happiness.
If you do nothing for the dog, you get nothing in return.
That's the law of do nothing.
Your world seems complicated.
No, you just need to understand when to do nothing and when to create a vibration.
With a dog, I create a vibration which will lead to happiness.
Shouldn't you do nothing?
No, you need to walk and feed the dog at minimum.
Just feed it actually.
Right.
The do nothing axiom would only work in terms of not getting a dog.
However, you miss out on friendship.
Friendship is the crown jewel in life upon happiness.
Not only are you the most high, but you will be the most happy.
That seems even better.
Yes, in terms of playing a game, that's it.
No one reaches this level.
Wow, I'm pretty special.
You sure are, padre.
Is getting a dog part of the game?
It's in the game.
It's not required.
The beauty of the game is that nothing is required.
You don't need to do anything.
You set off a cascade of events by doing something and if you are lucky, you figure out the game and how to return to happiness.
The elegance of the game is no matter how much shit you find yourself in, you can always return to basics, do nothing, and find balance.
Then proceed in the game again.
Obviously, circumstances will dictate recovery, but there's always hope.
Then you fuck up again before you find what it is you are looking for.
Why?
The carnival is distracting.
You need to get off the midway and find peace.
I'm saying you can find happiness at any interval within the game of life.
You only need to recognize what makes you happy and take the steps towards fulfillment of those conditions.
That can be painful.
Yes.
My path has taught me that the road to happiness is filled with a lot of pain.
Pain you will not understand, but a pain that is freeing.
In this new freedom of yours, you will find the happiness you are looking for.
What's next?
You get protective of your happiness.
Why?
People will come to destroy it.
Why?
They don't want you to be happy.
Why?
Envy.
They want your happiness.
What do you do?
Shut up about it.
Yeah, but you are posting about it.
No one reads it.
No one really knows I'm this happy.
Why not?
There's no way you can be happy.
Why not?
You don't have the markers of success in this world.
You aren't rich and successful.
Are rich people happy?
Materially they continually purchase happiness.
They get hits of dopamine from material possessions and wealth.
Nothing lasting.
What do you think of rich people?
They are neurotic and unhappy.
They are rich though.
They spend all their time being rich.
What does that mean?
Making appearances.
Mixing with others who are in the same situation.
Competing for top dog of who is the most wealthy.
Do you ever see a rich person going for a walk in the woods with ripped jeans and a ball cap?
No.
Why not?
It's not the brand.
If you are rich, you can't be alone and find peace.
Ever seen a rich person who is at peace?
No way.
They didn't become rich through peaceful coexistence.
They did something and will need to always be doing something.
Then they worry they will lose their wealth.
They become preoccupied with finding ways to preserve their riches.
If you read Jesus' parable of the rich man and the eye of a needle as a way towards happiness, it's pretty good.
"Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
In this case the kingdom of God is happiness.
Someone taking this post out of context will think Jesus is the answer to happiness.
If that makes you happy, then go for it.
Do you think religion makes you happy?
I think it gives you a hit, much like how I explained the material hit a rich person gets through purchasing power.
Religion gives you a spiritual hit.
Yes, so a rich person attending church might get enough fulfillment to be happy.
That's an interesting take.
What do you think?
It's fleeting.
Why?
They are both crutches which you rely on.
Left to yourself, the happiness vanishes.
Ah, I see.
External vs internal happiness.
You got it.
Internal you find anywhere.
You aren't dependent on anyone else.
Sure, but you need conditions to be met.
Of course.
Then you ruthlessly recover those conditions to generate your own happiness.
Don't rely on others for happiness.
It will not last.

Monday, March 2, 2026

mapping resistance

Do you think with consciousness altering substances that when you go too far it will lead to extreme outcomes?
Yes, that's what I intuit.
Those are the stories I get.
Sacrifice and suicide.
What was the low while at a plant medicine retreat?
Darkness.
I was wary of it.
Did you resist it?
At first, I did.
Then what did you do?
I stopped fighting the onset of darkness.
Why?
I became an explorer.


At first, I wasn't.
I investigated strategies of love and light.
Isn't that resistance, and wrong?
It's part of the process.
It's expected.
Look at it another way - what if you embraced the darkness upon first contact?
There would be no process of understanding and reconciliation.
If you accept your darkness without questioning it, you will lose.
If you run to avoid the confrontation, you lose.
So, you need some resistance?
Yes.
How do you know how much and when to resist?
It's a feeling.
Don't worry about it, there is enough latitude to be successful.
Everyone wants a hard and fast rule such as don't resist ideas because that will make them stronger.
On the surface, that's a good rule.
It's not applicable in most cases.
Why?
In order to understand something, you need some resistance.
Acceptance is a path towards complacency.
You really can't teach this path.
That is correct.
It's touchy feely.
It's your path.
Only you can determine next steps and the way to do that is through feeling.
It's a tactile mental approach.
That's what you can teach.
It's pointless to teach someone rules about an internal experience that is unique to everyone.
The best you can do is be a guide and not a teacher.
That's what a shaman is.
They guide you into and out of the altered state.
Westerners want so badly to pedestalize these practitioners of consciousness and think they are teachers.
They can share their knowledge.
They are the ones who are aware the process and journey is yours, and they need to get out of the way.
Okay, so what happened when you stopped resisting the darkness?
It came at a time when I was starting to understand the darkness.
I was longer scared and became curious.
I had turned down offers of power, and I started to see an equal who was me, but I didn't understand how the darkness was me.
It's a strange time in which you are internalizing something you thought was external.
How did you end up reconciling with your darkness?
Friendship.
Throughout life and my exploration of consciousness where I have touched on absurdity, love, meaning, belief, and truth, I have found friendship is something you can always count on.
Do you think it is the highest ideal?
It's up there.
With what?
Belief and trust.
Is that your trinity?
I think so.
Friendship, belief, and trust.
Absurdity and meaning are dependent on belief.
What about love?
There's unconditional love, but that seems to be hard to find.
Everything has a condition.
I say you can find unconditional love through friendship.
How so?
There are no expectations with a friend.
There's no exchange.
You hang out if you want to hang out.
You enjoy each other's company.
You help them out if you want.
That's a best friend.
Yup.
Is that what you found with your darkness?
Yeah, I started talking to him in altered states once I got past the fright.
What happened?
He opened up.
I felt like a therapist, almost like I was in the driver's seat.
It was a strange feeling to have someone that society teaches is the Devil, confiding in me and becoming my best friend.
Do you see the instability in that, and the fortitude needed to ignore society and keep going?
You are told you can't be friends with them.
I ignored all that.
So, you're best friends with the Devil.
Yeah.
Uh, that's a problem.
Correct.
You become an outcast.
People don't want you around.
Why?
You're the Devil.
It's uncomfortable.
What happens when you are around?
It's nice.
Comfortable.
I'm pretty chill.
Why don't others see and accept you then?
They are told not to.
What do you do?
I'm left alone.
I'm okay with it.
Why?
I'm my own best friend.
I understand myself.
Don't you want external companionship?
I'm selective and I curate my time.
What the fuck does that mean?
I only come out to play if I want to.
How do you pull that off?
I learned how to do it in life.
You ignore other people and get them annoyed at you.
You reduce their expectations to almost zero.
So, you have a bunch of people who don't count on you for anything and then another group who wants you gone.
Yes, that's my life as well as providing for a few people with a healthy amount of distance either physically or emotionally mixed in.
How can you function in a society based on obligations if that is your method?
Don't think about it, just do it.
And by doing, I mean don't do anything.
What do you think will happen when you don't fulfill your obligations to society?
Some will tell you to leave.
Others will stop depending on you.
If you take a step back, you will see the big picture.
What is it?
It's freedom.
I do what I want inside a container that grounds me.
If I moved to a cabin in the woods away from everyone, I wouldn't last long.
I'd get so high I'd leave.
Society is an anchor which allows me to continue my game.
So, this is a game?
Yes, it's the fourth pillar in my trinity.
The pillars of belief, trust, and friendship.
The game is the unspoken pillar.
Why do you need pillars?
Without them, there is no meaning.
Isn't there ultimately no meaning?
Yes.
Pillars give your story a ground.
Who are you?
The Writer.
This is my story.

You are constantly generating stories.
Yeah, that seems to be some kind of an anchor.
How so?
Almost like a ballast where I know I'm of sound mind if I continue to generate stories and write about them.
Isn't that a sign of mental instability?
I can see how you would think so if you took them all literally.
Right, that's the catch.
Precisely.
The road to madness involves an increase in the ability to author stories.
The tipping point is believing your stories.
Madness is the result.
Why?
People tell you your stories aren't true, and it pisses you off.
How do you avoid that outcome?
Don't tell anyone your stories.
Why?
They will tell you that you are crazy.
Being crazy is an external condition.
Your mind can internally process many states.
What it can't process is external consensus that you are crazy.
You need to keep to yourself.
Well, why don't we then?
The mind seeks validation from others.
That's a conundrum.
How do you deal with it?
Write about it and drop it in the flow.
What's the flow?
Blogger.
Ha.
No one reads it.
Exactly.
A few people read it.
Yeah, they want you to be declared mentally unstable.
Why?
That's the process.
They identify the ones who stray from the herd and assimilate or eliminate them.
Why?
It's destabilizing to the group.
Why?
They will be responsible for an outbreak of clarity.
The clarity will allow you to see the game.
What's the game?
It's a carnival.
You play a bunch of games and ultimately you will lose.
If you understand the mechanism of the casino, you will either stop playing or you will know how to win.
What's that?
It involves a lot of doing nothing.
Playing leads to a bad outcome at the casino.
Yeah, I see that.
Observe the casino.
Okay, so I would guess in your life the authorities would be looking to label you.
Yes, tattoo you with one of those psychotic designations.
How do you avoid it?
A way of keeping to myself and being independent.
Having others rely on you.
Once you must rely on someone else, it's curtains.
That's quite the edge.
I know.
I must ride it for as long as possible until that danger passes.
What's the danger?
Losing financial independence.
It's a big one to keep your freedom.
You lose that, they are going to have you committed.
Does that concern you?
No, it makes the game fun.
You need a challenge.
If it is all gravy, you get complacent.
So, what's the plan?
I'll ride.
Stay on the rollercoaster and see where it goes.
Aren't you worried about the destination?
The future?
Yes.
No.
Why?
What am I going to do?
Change it.
I could do that to get more certainty.
That just opens up a new can of worms.
I'm going to ride this rollercoaster to the end.
If it dumps me off prematurely, then I'll take a few months off and figure it out.

Notice how you get to the same sacrifice story.
You keep writing it.
Yeah, by getting to the edge.
Don't tip over.
Stay within your dosages.
That's how you know you are on the edge.
That sacrifice story.
As long as you recognize the edge, you are good.
When you can't see it, it is a problem.
Why?
Because you have seen it.
Always know the edge and where you are in relationship to that edge.
It's sacrifice for me.
Got it.
If you get high and don't see the sacrifice story, you went too far.
Turn around.
What are you doing?
Building a map.
The edge of insanity.
It might be too late if you don't get that sacrifice story.
Got it.
Advice for you.
I was getting that story with Huachuma the last time out with the medicine.
The dark low takes you to suicide.
Ah, I see.
You generally inflate to the sacrifice story.
Women inflate and then deflate you.
They are a rollercoaster of emotions.
You could plausibly call women similar to a plant medicine journey.
Yeah, especially Ayahuasca.
Are you going to do that?
No.
Why not?
Experience.
I know when to shut up.

The map is finding the threshold to maximize power out of the altered state without going crazy.
The good shamans know the edge.
They don't need much.
They know the edge will tempt you.
When the rollercoaster heads down, you go with it.
Don't resist.
If you exceed the dosage and don't get the sacrifice story, that is a problem.
Welcome the thoughts of annihilation.
It means you're still here.

Monday, January 26, 2026

the carnival of control

I don't tell anyone what to do, and I don't listen when people tell me what to do.
Some personality types constantly tell you what to do.
They expect compliance.
There is friction when you do nothing.
That's been the pattern where I'm perceived as passive and able to be manipulated by those that want to be in charge.
It's a power and control dynamic which plays out.
I find a way to do what I want.
Society wants to tell you what to do.
Constitutions and bills of rights recognize this need in humans to tell each other what to do and therefore put limits on it.
That seems to be the crux of those declarations.
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness seem contingent on others leaving you alone or being restricted in how they can coerce you.
When you enter into a relationship with someone, you don't know if you are getting a totalitarian.
We see it at a macro political level but never stop to examine the phenomenon in our relationships.
We see it at play in work dynamics where your boss can be difficult and make your life miserable.
You can refer to your boss as a dictator as a comparison with the understanding you can quit.
You can't quit society.
You can, but it's difficult.
You probably need your job because you have locked yourself into obligations you need money for.
Same with a relationship.
You make a commitment and it's a legal burden to remove yourself from it.
Things change and you give yourself no opt outs.
Life is easier operating within society.
Having a life partner gives you insurance and a manufactured purpose.
A job unlocks rewards within society.
No one is going to submit to authority without a reward.
Society risks rebellion which ignites revolution.
A totalitarian government must turn security resources against their own people while in theory a more open society has to secure themselves against the encroachment of totalitarian regimes.
Yes, it's sold as freedom.
Wars are fought for freedom.
That's what you are taught in school.
Is that true?
There is some truth to it as you need to repel foreign invaders.
When the world was organized through monarchs the reasons for war were clearer, as in the Persians were invading Egypt for control of resources and dominance.
Populations would be enslaved and literally forced to serve the conquering force.
What would happen if the west collapsed and say China or Russia assumed control?
Well, Russia couldn't maintain control for long, perhaps China could.
What would be the result?
A loss of freedom and exploitation.
Poverty.
Constant rebellion.
Sure, but we aren't free as a population now.
We have the illusion of freedom.
The government keeps an eye on you.
Big tech does the rest of the heavy lifting to force compliance with the rules of society.
What do you mean?
You are monitored for deviance.
The banks keep an eye on you as well.
Yes, they report large transactions to the government.
Why do they do that?
It's the law; it's not a conspiracy.
You are on the grid sucking on the teats of big brother.
Got it.
So, what are wars for?
Imperialism.
Do you think the west wants to help the people of Venezuela?
Well, no, they don't care.
They want their oil.
The communist takeover in that country nationalized the oil industry controlled by western economic interests.
They had a legal framework where they could plunder the resources of the people of Venezuela.
They'd get a lot of profits, and the people would see a trickle-down effect.
Venezuelan people will see a rise in their standard of living if they allow exploitation.
Yes, but they will be robbed of their natural resources.
Do you think the USA wants Greenland for national security interests?
You could make an argument for that.
However, it falls apart when you realize whatever security concerns the USA has can easily be alleviated by the NATO alliance which allows the US to militarize whatever they need to do in Greenland.
Why do they want Greenland?
Rare earth minerals.
Trillions of dollars are at stake.
They will give each citizen a hundred grand and then rob them blind.
Isn't this conspiratorial thinking about Venezuela and Greenland?
No, it's taking in the public positions of the government and twisting it around to see the obvious truth.
Do you think the west wants to help out Iran's people to shed the theocracy that rules them?
No, they want their oil.
I don't see the west rushing to help out the people of the other totalitarian gulf states who oppress their people.
We seem quite friendly with them.
Iran has a lot of oil and the west, much like in Venezuela, had legal contracts which allowed them access to that oil.
Revolution forced them out.
Well, that's what the term "world order" refers to.
Enforcement of legal contracts.
Revolutions and collapse of order nullify legal frameworks and monetary systems.
Your money is worthless without a world order.
That's why the super-rich find tangible assets to invest their money in as a hedge against systemic world collapse.
Yes, I went through this exercise.
I concluded that you need to invest in armaments.
Guns.
Lots of guns.
What are you going to do with a pile of gold?
Attract other people who are hypnotized by a shiny yellow object.
Yes, that works, however, you can't eat it, so the immediate need is food, shelter, and security.
You need to establish a perimeter of security and then work from within that structure.
The homeland.
Yes, that's how it works.
What about investing in real estate?
Lack of enforceable legal frameworks collapse property rights, and a gun enforces claims.

Do the other people in your life know they are in a game?
I think some do.
I didn't know for over 55 years.
I knew something was fishy but couldn't figure it out.
Awakening gives you the tools to figure it out.
You intuit this strange set of games.
Yes, it's a carnival of activities.
The games are rides and games of chance you decide to play.
You don't figure out the game, but you do know it is important to win the game.
Why?
So, you get the rewards of the carnival.
You don't want to pay admission to the fair and be a loser.
Sure, but the casino is rigged.
You can't win.
Some do, but the vast majority are losers.
Yes, so enjoy the free drinks and shrimp cocktail while you can.
Take advantage of what the carnival offers.
The dancing ladies?
Yeah, remember that Ayahuasca vision?
Yes, and being offered one of them.
You declined.
I just wanted to watch the spectacle.
That Ayahuasca vision was giving you a glimpse of the carnival.
I didn't understand it at the time.
I also remember the float of all these sweets that went by, and then Ganesha appeared.
Yeah, it was wild.


Plant medicine will awaken you and then reveal the game.
The longer you keep at it, you will get more knowledge.
Eventually, the second awakening approaches where you are going to see through the game.
If you take that step, you are cooked.
How did don Howard manage?
He hid in the jungle and started up a camp for seekers.
Most came out of curiosity.
He called the place "SpiritQuest."
It's an odd name when you think of it.
Why?
The quest part.
What the hell is that?
It's a game within the game.
The highbrow game where you figure out the game.
That's the quest.
It involved awakening, tests, a jaguar, riddles, sorcerers, witches, and helpers.
Your path was an initiation into that world.
I figured out the game.
The carnival.
Getting the high score.
Becoming the most high.
Being able to navigate mind states without collapsing.
It's unteachable.
Why?
You can't survive it.
How did you do it?
I'm special.
I've always been special.
When I was younger, I realized I was different.
Special.
It makes sense that I can do this, though there is no requirement that it needs to make sense.
Why is that?
Because it's crazy.
It doesn't make sense to everyone else.
When I had my second awakening and started seeing the game in its entirety, the pressure on me to leave became enormous.
How did you manage the load?
You do nothing.
The interesting part of these tests that you face is that your demise is of your own doing.
There's an exercise you can do in your head which will allow you to navigate this rocky passage.
What is it?
You play it out to its conclusion in your head.
You see what the result is of all your actions.
If you studied Tao, then of course you will do nothing.
When you do nothing, the external pressure collapses.
Why?
It needs input from you.
It works every time.
So, you recommend doing nothing?
I recommend the flow.
If you gotta take a shit, then take a shit.
To try and prevent that is doing something.
So, the key is to flow and not fight the current.
Correct, and that sometimes is doing nothing or taking the path of least resistance.
Such as taking a big shit when warranted.
Exactly.

Our society is obsessed with control.
Yes, therefore you hear talk of A-type personalities who exhibit the need to be in control.
The underlings are betas.
We are obsessed with the notion of the alpha, especially the alpha male.
Yeah, it's aspirational.
It's built into the structure of society, and no one questions it.
It's like a koan.
If you can see past this construct, you are given insight.
The idea of the alpha is embedded into our systems of worship and who we think is in charge.
Yes, there must be someone in charge.
That idea is God and he is the alpha.
There is no one higher in our system than God.
It's baked in.
If you see past that then you can win the game.
Get the high score and become the most high.
If you do not free yourself from the mind control of culture, you will never see it.
The most high is the writer of this story.
We are living in a story.
God is a character within the Writer's story.
Is the Writer the alpha?
No, he is part of a triumvirate with the Goddess and Eros.
There is no alpha.
Alpha is reserved for God.
God is a phantom who you think is in control so the Writer can remain undetected.
What about the Goddess?
She is a woman; therefore, in our culture she is denied.
What about Eros?
They are defined as lust and sinful.
It's God or bust.