Monday, July 27, 2020

harmonic entanglement

The harmonization of the feminine and masculine on a cosmic level is the same template as found here on earth. In other words it is a random occurrence and two patterns meet and fall in love which seems to me to be a word that can be used to describe harmony. Energy patterns meet and harmonize thus creating offspring. In the cosmic model, the offspring is the universe. In this conception, there are as many universes as there are divine couplings and each set of parents gives their children the free will to grow up and become a reflection of their divine parents. Parents are tempted to guide their child in their development but ultimately let them grow and prosper on their own as this allows for growth and understanding of self; self being consciousness.

I now have two conceptions of the origin of the universe. The other one is a model where a cosmic harmony of feminine and masculine polarities dream the universe into existence and this reality is defined as the splinters of consciousness that have the illusion of independence from the whole. The way each distinct consciousness acts helps psychoanalyze the whole so the great self can understand self better. My two concepts share the similarity in that there is a connection between the divine feminine and masculine and from this is produced the universe as either the divine child or a dream. Both models contain the sum of the feminine and masculine. The child conception recognizes our fundamental unity while the dream accentuates our separateness while encouraging one to wake up from the dream and realize unity.

Why do I love something? Well because it gives me a good feeling; a feeling of connection, of compassion, of pleasure, of safety. There is a feeling of well-being associated with pangs of love. It also amps up feelings of separation when what you love is not with you and a longing to be in their presence. It’s leading me to realize that love is energetic harmony; whatever form that may take. We are all probably familiar with the romantic kind which is a strong vibration that is very addictive; like a drug including the requisite withdrawal symptoms. It’s instructive to sit with the remembrance of that feeling and try to deconstruct it from a rational point of view. An example that will help understand the idea of harmonic entanglement is the modern pop song. These songs emit vibrational patterns that hook the listener. The hypnotic pull is strong and creates the desire for more. We are addicted to novelty and experiencing this feeling again and again. It is natural that over the course of a lifetime you fall frequently in and out of this love. The kick experienced with each harmonic entanglement, though somewhat familiar, is a new mountain to climb. Taking what I know about energy, thanks to plant medicine and their teachings, I can extrapolate the feeling of love into the heightened energetic state experienced with Huachuma and draw some pretty amazing conclusions.

The harmonic entanglement of disparate energy patterns, as seen through the lens of the great cactus, produces visions of rainbow fireworks and orgasmic sensations throughout the whole body. You can find this connection with others, through nature, and through finding peace and love with your own damn self, in essence bringing all together within the sum of the feminine and masculine. There is a lot of truth to the saying that to fix the world first fix yourself and part of that process is self-love and finding this self-love is discovering your hidden soulmate and having a torrid love affair with self. Once you reconcile within then you can project that love out into the world and light up humanity.

What a wonderful teaching the plants have given me. It is definitely a course and their knowledge is not something that is discovered with just a couple weeks of class. It is on-going; including copious amounts of homework. My maestro and human teacher don Howard explained that he considered it malpractice to offer just one Ayahuasca session; rather he recommended a cycle of work over the course of a week that involved from three to five ceremonies. Having just the one ceremony would lead more towards confusion, as what the plants teach is revealed over the course of time and the initial ceremony may be a session for purification or to get you thinking about something that is then revealed in a later ceremony, making the lessons more powerful and long lasting. I also think don Howard was holding back a little bit as well. Since he was also running a business, it might be perceived as being a little crass if he told everyone they should come back year after year to continue on with the plants. I have no affiliation with any retreat centre so I’ll just say it as I see it. Also understand that I’ve been blessed to find a place that enables the seeking and understanding to continue, minus any drama or questions of motive. It might not be the case for everyone; perhaps I’m just looking at this from my own personal lens but I think the maximum benefit out of a relationship with plant teachers spans the course of years and multiple cycles of work. I say that with understanding my own personal motivations as an inveterate seeker of knowledge and understanding. Within a cycle of work you may find love and ultimately that is all you need. I needed six cycles of work with them to start to piece together the energetic connections I feel. I’ve always felt the energy but didn’t understand it. I was challenged after my fourth cycle of work to figure it out. Two cycles later and I’m going to write an exam on this one and score pretty high. 

Monday, July 20, 2020

slowing down duality

There is something to the Freudian concept that everything we do is related to the sex drive and positioning us in a way to fulfill our sexual desires. We strive to attain power in order that we may have the ability to choose whatever partner we please and control that partner's behaviour. Equally valid is one who wants to relinquish power to another because of the sexual thrill that state enables. I think you can make an argument that this may be a little too overreaching and I think if you removed the sexual part of it then it is a little closer to the truth as in it is really desire fulfillment that makes the world go around. This is demonstrably true as in the world is the product of our desire and whole classes of religious or spiritual activity, such as Buddhism, stress how it is through non-attachment and the eschewing of desire that we can transcend our condition of suffering. One soon learns that you must give up pleasure and rewards in order not to suffer and thus the dilemma. If you desire not to desire then as a result you cease to be human and will soon lose the desire to even go on.

I was thinking about this because it had a relationship to the blog post I wrote concerning the creator and destroyer. Fundamentally there are two powers in the universe: the feminine and the masculine. One of them creates and the other destroys thus enabling all of creation and allowing it to fundamentally keep renewing itself in a never ending cycle. One power can’t exist without the other and though each tries to get the upper hand, the ability to become dominant will lead to its inevitable decline and the rise of the other power. If we create too many things, the sheer volume will eventually choke out others and the result will be destruction and when the death has played itself out then from the ashes will arise new life. It is a harmonious relationship that sometimes might seem cruel and I am finding it at work in all aspects of life, much like a Freudian would see the phallus present in every guise.

I have noticed the older I get the more conservative I become and I have recently discovered it is because I see the life force of my body dwindling and the eventual destruction of my figure getting near. My knees are aching. To counter balance this escalating condition I want to hang on to what I had and from this conservatism comes in to play. I don’t want change anymore. Change is killing me! I am channeling the preserver and trying to find balance in between the two polarities. From the standpoint of my personal philosophy, I never really wanted to upset the system but instead I was a proponent of libertarianism whereby I believed people should be free to do whatever they wish as long as it is not harming others, within reason of course. We probably should stop at red traffic lights. I still hold these views but what is interesting is despite all efforts of media and social engineering projects to steer me towards feel good socialism, my internal reaction is to move politically further away from them; this reaction despite knowing that unity of the species is our only hope. There’s a power and control dynamic within these movements I am not comfortable with; I know they are not headed towards the unity I seek but instead are power grabs cloaked in equality, and the mob and groupthink paradigms I have avoided throughout my life as they curtail free speech, breed authoritarianism, and not at all freedom. Current events are just doubling down on this and expediting my move towards the right. I think I’m not the only one who feels this way.

What is fascinating in all of this are I believe these forces we are witnessing are derivative of the concept of the creator and destroyer. Each power needs a tremendous outpouring of energy in order to come forth and then once established would necessarily become conservative in order to consolidate and preserve their position. Look at America: it was rebellious and destroyed the oppression of the monarchy of Great Britain and these revolutionaries established this amazing country; though probably not so amazing if you are one of the indigenous peoples whose way of life was being destroyed. The USA grew and became the world’s foremost power at the peak of its strength but playing up against that position now comes the eternal check on its power. The forces of destruction seek to lay claim to its many sins. The destroyers of the left see no redeeming qualities but instead seek to fundamentally change its economic system and way of life and threaten to do so by methodically destroying all of America’s institutions through violence and cultural revolution. The sins of America are systemic and the only way to cleanse it of these transgressions is to bring down the whole edifice is the claim. This is the eternal struggle between the creator and destroyer and is predestined to play out in order to keep it all moving along. Where is it written that a pocket of civilization will last forever? How does America meet this challenge? How do I meet my own challenge as I finally can see my demise in the rear-view mirror? I eat better, get more sleep, exercise, and prioritize what is important to me and what I want to accomplish in this lifetime. It should keep the forces of destruction at bay for a while longer now. Eventually they will return again stronger and come at me once more. It’s a game now where I see how long I can hold them off. Perhaps that is the future of America as well. 

Monday, July 13, 2020

creation and destruction

The child that is the result of the union of the feminine and masculine powers and the subsequent Big Bang is the key to finding our way back home. The child is the universe and contains within their being a little bit of mom and a little bit of dad. The universe is the result when two divine forces meet and harmonize. It is an interesting mind experiment to consider the implications of this way of thinking of existence. In our world we propagate life through the coming together of woman and man and therefore this fundamental truth we can project out into the nature of existence with as much confidence as is possible. Therefore the birth of our universe is the same result and why I refer to it as a child. What is striking to me though is that energy is the underpinnings of all of this and it forms patterns. Our universe is the result of the two polarities coming together that create a new form. Creation seems to be as fundamentally a part of universal nature as anything I can imagine. When I look around I see constant creation and destruction; in other words life and death. Our core loves to create and then eventually form disintegrates. The divine feminine and masculine create form and this form supports an infinite amount of new life forms until like everything it meets its eventual dissolution.

We are headed towards destruction. That is baked into the game because it is a cycle of creation and destruction. The nuanced realization though is that we can mitigate the destruction. We don’t have to head on full boar into the maelstrom. Destruction is necessary for creation. As the masculine destroyer I tear apart forms and allow for the sublime act of creation. Without the destroyer nothing is created. It’s a hard one to accept. Another way to look at it is the garden analogy. Every so often you have to prune the plants and clear out the deadwood in order to create more space for other energy patterns to grow. On a larger scale the same is at work.

If we don’t wake up within the dream then for the most part we head full on towards destruction. Waking up within the dream compromises the study of behaviour but seems necessary in order to love all. Therefore we do need consciousness as a remedy to suffering. We do need to awaken as many as possible. Within all forms of creation we need to be aware of our origin, unity, and inclusiveness. If we remain isolated and look at everything through a prism of separation then it doesn’t work. It leads to a world of hatred, scarcity, and strife. How fast we head towards destroying ourselves is based upon how much love and inclusiveness we let into the paradigm. Make no mistake, the world will eventually end as the sun heads towards its inevitable supernova and therein lies the challenge. Can we make it that far or will we destroy ourselves in short order? The smart money is on us destroying ourselves first.

Through destruction, the energy is transformed into something else spectacular that experiences consciousness in a new regard. We have become so immune to our situation. Every moment we spend on earth should be accompanied with a gasp of incredulity and an exclamation of WOW! Instead we think no big deal and move along in search of novelty, lest boredom envelops us. Paging Dr. Huachumon.

My character and being I call Paul is finite and ever changing. What is behind this life form is that energy and it is common to us all and where we find unity. That energy you feel is the tie that binds. It is the connection between all of us and how we can communicate and make a connection with others using an universal language. If you can connect with others, even for a split second, you will feel that cosmic love. Feeling that cosmic love will transform you and others around you. Love has an infinite capacity to go viral. It's a worthwhile goal.

So all that are reading this at this moment are a pattern of energy that is in a state of decay and eventually dissolution, as it is the natural order. It is the created body that is subject to the coming destruction as the energy that powers it is so strong and is in harmony with the total power of the universe and will remain a part of this creation until the universal pattern dissolves back into the whole. And then at some point it will start all over again. In terms of finding our way back home that is what you need to understand. This is our home and our playground. Mom and dad are always around. They created this world for us. We have all eternity to play. When it’s time to come home they will let us know.

Are they the only parents? That’s a good question. Are there multiple universes that have been created; all a part of the union of feminine and masculine? What is the ultimate origin? Is there a master feminine and masculine power that everything is derivative of or is it a collection of different vibrations that has no master? It leads philosophically into the same idea as searching for a god particle that underlies creation and not being able to find a master particle. Instead everything is just a pulse or vibration. I wonder if that is how ultimately everything functions where there is no boss but just decentralization of liberated energetic forms? Freedom, as in free will, underlies all. Attempts to control energetic flow results in blockages and then finally the dam breaks or there is a monumental explosion. Harmony is obtained by free flow. 

Who is ultimately dominant? The feminine creator or the masculine destroyer? Is the outcome always destruction? Is that the natural order of things and the fuel behind the eternal vibration? The wise one within says you can’t have one without the other and in finding that truth you discover beauty. 

Monday, July 6, 2020

goddess ganesha and me

The universe is the dream of the fully realized union of the sacred feminine and sacred masculine. A dream is the reflection of one’s psyche, the reflection refracting into infinity and beyond. The child is that psyche and is the dream. The child is the universe. Our journey is to take us back home where the family reunites.

Dammit we are so philosophical as a species! How frustrating is this to the cosmic dreamer? Reflecting the psyche into their dream they created the universe. It's a giant simulation designed to come to terms with all their accumulated baggage. Instead of focusing solely on coming to terms with what troubles them, alas a great majority of the time is spent in contemplation of who we are and why are we here? How funny is that? We are so introspective we go straight for the ultimate question. I just wanted to figure out why am I such a dick with a predilection towards destruction and instead I'm left with existential questions about the fundamental underpinnings and purpose of life. I can't escape it and I have to know. Next massive dream I have to be clear to all that it is a dream, enjoy yourself, but please come to terms with hatred and strife and why can't I just love myself?

I had such an amazing dream the other night; well it was amazing in that it revealed something I had been curious about. So here is what happened: I fell asleep on the couch and woke up around 3 am. My dog wanted to go out so I let her out and left the door open enough so that when she wanted to come in she could just nudge the door open. While I waited for her, I fell back asleep on the couch and started dreaming. My dreaming led me to the climax of the dream where I stood by a door and there was a sudden announcement: “now the door is going to open.” I immediately woke up and on cue my dog came in from outside through the door. Fascinating. Utterly fascinating. I have suspected for a while that my subconscious is all knowing, transcends time, and takes over once I put the local body to sleep. This proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt as it was purposely revealed to me in this connection of the dream to reality. I have had situations in the past that hinted at this where the dream would awaken me just as my alarm was to go off by telling me that the alarm was going to go off. Similarly on multiple occasions during the waking hours I have had situations where complete strangers would know my name or comment on an internal struggle they had no knowledge of; this hinting at a connection that goes deeper than our conscious knowledge.

On June 15th I had quite the strange experience. I published a blog post where I ruminated upon my divinity and in conjunction with that I accepted the corollary where I am also the adversary. So I went to the washroom at work in the afternoon and as I entered into the location, on the speakers was playing the chorus to an INXS song called “Devil Inside.” These coincidences are more regular than to be expected. I laughed at what was going on however soon I started to wonder: The subconscious power that plans everything out, unbeknownst to us collectively, is once again showing itself to be tangible. These coincidences have to be common to all in order to pull this off. It is a hidden power that is behind all action, directing it in a way that keeps the story moving along. It’s very strange but this has happened enough over the course of my life that I can now with confidence at least suspect something is going on behind the scenes. My dreams and coincidences are suggesting that this universal subconscious knows I’m awake and on to it. I want to peg it as a masculine power because I’m also aware of the feminine Goddess power that I have been in contact with now for many years. My soul mate is love and also I describe her as Sophia  - the wisdom and understanding available if I ask or feed her knowledge. I’m currently figuring out the next steps. Do I want to use my connection to this power or is that a road fraught with too much risk? Is the power too much and I should just acknowledge it, use the clarity of knowing there is this power, and continue on my path towards what? What am I heading towards? I’ve never really defined that; instead I just sail onwards gathering up knowledge and experience which has led me to this point.

My plant medicine journeys have been at times a continual battle to peer into this darkness; the hidden subconscious that barricades the doors of perception. It works to deflect, scare you away, and sends you on a path of pure and holy righteousness to become enlightened just so you will stop seeking to peer into the darkness. I have wondered what is hidden down there? It’s omnipotence. It’s power. It’s the essence of our divinity. When I dream I become god. In life when you finally wake up and discover this is a dream, and there is a power that exerts control over the direction of the dream, then you are the Buddha. You are then awake within the dream. Life as you experience it becomes a lucid dream. I get now why we aren’t allowed access and are scared off and sent on a path towards faux ego enlightenment.

In my plant medicine journeys when I finally got past the stone blocks the darkness was inserting along my path on the road to becoming awake and embracing the jaguar of no fear and sublime courage, waiting to welcome and acknowledge me was the elephant headed one. I knew enough to realize it was Ganesha from the lore of the Indian subcontinent but I didn’t know much about him. After his appearance, the Goddess came to me in celebration as well. It was quite the night as I finally learned how to navigate the darkness. Up to that point I had been persistent yet frustrated by the constant fear and loathing of the experience. I really don’t know why I persisted and kept coming back to ceremony. I think it had to do with chasing the Goddess. There was always the chance I’d see her so inward I would return. Once I mastered the technique then I could sail on towards whatever siren song undertow pulled me towards knowing full well I could sail away and escape if need be. I have the confidence and am planning my next voyage into the darkness. I am starting to peer into and see some strange things in the dark, not in the least the power to control one's own destiny and depending upon perspective, the destiny of the world.

After first meeting Ganesha and returning home I noticed in my life how things were being moved out of my path both figuratively and literally. The funniest example was the walking path where I walk the dog. It had become overrun with fallen trees and debris. Curiously town workers showed up with wheelbarrows and chain saws and cleared the path. Maybe you don’t think that is out of the ordinary? Well the path is in the woods and no one else uses it. The following summer I had to evict a tenant from my basement and had a court date which was stressing me out. Ganesha came to me in a dream the night before the date and assured me it was all going to work out. Sure enough it did. I have been called even-steven because everything always works out for me. On my recent trip to the Amazon I had another peculiar meet up with Ganesha. There is this tribe that sells their artwork called the Shipibo that visits us at the sanctuary. There is a lot of Ayahuasca themed tapestries depicted with flowing energy in a style that is iconic to their tribe. I was perusing the collection they brought with them, not intending to purchase anything and low and behold I came across one of Ganesha! What the? I mean they are two oceans and the other side of the world away from India and the promulgation of Ganesha. Obviously it was a sign meant exclusively for me, so of course I had to have it.

I’m four months into my latest integration and all that I have mentioned about power and the subconscious is what I have been coming to terms with. I hung my tapestry at work and I often wear a pullover that has an image of Ganesha on the front. I finally added it up and realized the subconscious force that stirs the pot, that removes obstacles from the path and sometimes places them on it that I have discovered has as one of their names Ganesha. I’m sometimes slow on the uptake of seeing what has been staring me in the face. The masculine power I intuit is Ganesha. I’m adding it all up now. The Goddess, Ganesha, and me. I’m god, my co-actress is the goddess, and Ganesha is the reflection of the psyche into the universe who is directing this play. I'm the actor who now has the ear of the director.

So the unfathomable darkness of self, the area that is off-limits is where the director of the play hangs out, who is always creating obstacles or removing them in order to keep the play moving along and remaining interesting. I am the actor in this play and having fooled myself into thinking it is real also denied myself access to the underpinnings of the drama. The director controls the urges that makes us irrational and seek power or to collect items to own because of jealousy others may get them. We seek to win this game either through the pastime of collecting power and wealth, acquiring intellectual mastery and achieving recognition, and when all that is unfulfilling we turn to the spiritual climb. We never think to look at what drives all this behaviour? There must be a certain satisfaction on your deathbed that yes I played the game and beat it somehow! Does that give you currency to play again and give it another go? Put me in another ridiculous situation where I have to eat other beings to survive and see if I can win? Do you ever tire of winning? Is that our fatal conceit that instead of winning we have to elevate all through love but we are not predisposed to do that and we have to cast off the shackles of success and spread our common humanity and decency around the world. This is kind of funny in a way. I know of this power and the temptation is to rig the game, become successful, and live out my life of ease and then I’ll do it again because I know deep down whatever situation I get put in I will eventually figure it out and beat the game. Obviously I’ll increase the challenge in order to make it worthwhile but I know now I’ll always figure it out. I’m good at the puzzles. I stand on the precipice of laying my cards on the table. Sure it is going to be grand to bask in the knowledge of beating the game but what to do with the power? The maestro taught service and reciprocity; I of course never thought I’d get to a place where I could really make a difference but instead live a meagre life of influence, pissing words into the wind, and affecting the lives of maybe a handful. 

Was I finally ready to get the confirmation? It had become clear that nothing is working concerning throwing me off this path. I keep coming back and looking behind the curtain. When I first peered in about seven years ago with Ayahuasca, it was the most disturbing, creepy, and weird experience. I tried to run from it and was threatened with death if I ever looked again. I heard voices for days and worried about my sanity. Back home from this nightmare I had fits of unease, panic attacks, and then occurred over the duration of five consecutive nights a situation where I’d awake at the exact same time every night and have this feeling of fear and an encompassing darkness overwhelm me before I reached out to the Goddess to help me. I eventually returned to Peru and the plants and kept at it all the while wondering why I always would be greeted by this darkness? It’s because what I really wanted to find out was this mystery and plant medicines are both very good at revealing the inner self and the darkness we hide. The holy and righteous climb up the mountain was just a sideshow. We develop strategies to bypass the darkness so we can enter into the state of bliss. Deep down we know the darkness is still there. The subsequent use of Vilca was a good reminder of both polarities as I faced a struggle to reconcile the darkness in order to attain the light.

I had asked the question when I got back from Peru this year: Why do I keep looking? Just this week I wondered what am I hiding? It didn’t take long to get the answer. That seems to be part of the equation where I have to get to the point where I can formulate and ask the question. Then the answer is provided.

Of course the dream is the modality used to divulge the information I was seeking. I sit here now with confirmation of the divinity within, the accessible power, and the ability to know all and transcend our conception of time. Cool. I’m going to need a few days to sit with this one.