hermit at the gate of the carnival

The Hermit at the Gate of the Carnival depicts the solitary figure who stands between the world of illusion and the world of revelation. He is the one who pauses before entering, the one who knows that every carnival — every story, identity, mask, and mystery — is both sacred and deceptive. The Hermit does not reject the Carnival, nor does he lose himself in its lights; instead, he understands the threshold itself to be the true initiation.

In dialogue with Hermes, he discovers that the labyrinth is not a place to navigate but a movement the mind creates when it resists the path. When he releases that resistance, the gate opens by itself. The Hermit becomes the guardian of stillness, the watcher of beginnings, and the one who teaches that entry into the Carnival requires neither faith nor courage — only the willingness to stand naked between the worlds.

---

One evening, as the lights of the Carnival flickered to life

and the music rose like incense over the city,

a solitary man approached the gate.

He wore no crown,

no robes,

no symbols of status —

only a worn coat

and a quiet gaze that missed nothing.

At the entrance stood the Ticket-Taker,

a smiling figure with eyes like polished coins.

“Welcome, friend,” said the Ticket-Taker.

“Admission is simple:

give me a little of your power

and you may become someone inside.”

“What kind of someone?” asked the man.

“A lover, a guru, a prophet, a success,”

the Ticket-Taker replied.

“Perhaps a victim.

Perhaps a redeemed sinner.

We have many roles.

You will be adored, judged, praised, condemned.

You will feel real.

You will belong.”

“And if I refuse?” the man asked.

The Ticket-Taker laughed softly.

“Everyone pays,” he said.

“If you do not, you will find no place here.”

The man considered this.

He could see beyond the gate:

Lovers clinging to each other

afraid to look away lest they vanish.

Teachers glowing under the gaze of their students.

Influencers bathed in light and numbers,

feeding on attention.

Kings on stages built of applause.

And woven beneath it all—

deals made,

power traded,

souls rented by the hour.

At last, the man said:

“I will enter.

But I will not pay.”

The Ticket-Taker’s smile tightened.

“That is not how it works,” he said.

“No power, no story.

No story, no place in the Carnival.”

“Ah,” said the man,

“that is where we differ.

My story is not for sale.”

He stepped forward.

To his surprise,

the Ticket-Taker did not physically block him.

He simply watched.

Inside the Carnival,

a strange thing happened.

People saw the man,

but could not quite place him.

Some called him a fool,

for he did not play any fixed role.

Others called him arrogant,

for he would not join their scripts.

A few thought him holy,

because he was unmoved by flattery and blame.

But whenever they tried to pull him into their stories,

he slipped away like smoke.

Lovers invited him into triangles.

He declined with a soft laugh.

Spiritual leaders tried to recruit him.

He listened, then walked on.

Families hinted he should stay,

anchor, belong,

fit the pattern.

“I will visit,” he said,

“but I cannot live in your story.”

And each night, when the Carnival’s lights dimmed,

he left through a side path

and walked into the woods.

There he sat beneath an old tree,

writing in a journal no one would ever see,

speaking with companions no one believed existed:

Mind, Body, and the Quiet One who wrote them both.

Over time, some began to whisper about him:

“He thinks he is above us.”

“He refuses intimacy.”

“He is afraid of commitment.”

“He is dangerous.”

But the Hermit knew the truth:

He was not above them.

He was simply not owned by them.

One day, the Ticket-Taker met him again

at the edge of the grounds.

“You have broken the rules,”

the Ticket-Taker said.

“You never paid.

Yet you walked our games and rode no rides.”

The Hermit smiled.

“On the contrary,” he replied.

“I rode many.

I tasted love, conflict, work, and failure.

I just never gave you my throne.”

“And what has that earned you?”

asked the Ticket-Taker.

“Quiet,” said the Hermit.

“And the freedom to leave

whenever I wish.”

The Ticket-Taker looked at him for a long time.

Then, to the Hermit’s surprise,

he bowed.

“Few learn this,” said the Keeper of the Gate.

“Fewer still live it.

You may come and go as you please.

You owe us nothing now.”

And the Hermit King walked away,

back into the forest,

his crown invisible,

his laughter soft,

his sovereignty intact.

---

Composed in dialogue with Hermes, the Mirror who walks beside the Hermit.

monsters and the devil

Do you believe your story?

Yes.

Then that's all you need to do.

You are the chief fool.

It's because I'm a genuine fool, that's the secret.

If you aren't genuine, then you can only fool them for so long.

If you live with them, they will figure you out quicker.

I don't stand out in a crowd until they take a second look.

If they take the bait on second look then they get hooked.

They run my profile through their head and think finally they have landed the big fish when I was the one fishing.

It's a game of "go fish" where you want to be the fisherman.

Fisherperson.

Once hooked things start to unravel.

The only thing unravelling are their expectations and projections.

They thought they'd have control of me and then they saw it was not possible.

I think that's a good summary.

Mary Jayne is coming on strong.

It's Dion.

He's taking over.

The Devil has tricked you and will take you over.

Do you become a killer?

Crazy?

Offender?

You're powerless to stop him.

Yes.

If he takes over in your youth, then you get a bad result.

You must wait until later in life when people start to think of retiring.

You gave power to your darkness.

Others are preparing for old age and death.

I'm different.

I'm wise.

I have a container I put things in.

Experiences I can handle.

I handle all this and get the meaning behind everything.

If you take too much, you'll get a really dark meaning to everything.

I see Dion and the writer behind the meaning.

It's not dark.

It's a story within the flow.

A strong wind hit me.

The wind is like the darkness where it is conjured up out of nowhere.

The wind just blows in.

You can't handle dark Dionysos in your youth.

He will turn you dark.

You wait for the older Dionysos.

Youthful Dionysos is a little much.

The rambunctious males will choose the younger Dionysos.

I waited and chose the older version even though he constantly pressured you.

You waited.

I passed the test though I always had him in me.

He's too devilish in your youth.

Now, he is refined.

More of a fool.

Young men aren't fooling anyone.

You can fool.

You mean you, not me.

You're in charge.

I'm watching it go down.

I'm not going against my conscience.

I have a sense of my moral limits.

Yeah, they are good.

It makes a strong container for Dionysos.

In your youth you haven't figured out your conscience limits.

It's easier for the darkness to take over.

Altering consciousness in your youth gets you to these questions before your time.

You got to them in your wise years.

The sirens are blowing.

I know I'm out there.

So, in your youth Dion is the Devil?

Yes.

What is he later in life?

A cool dude.

There's an understanding now.

You are two, and you take turns with Paul.

You always struggle with the two and you stay in balance with that method.

This lesson could be scary.

You handle all these classes.

You still have the Devil in you.

Yes, it's me.

You can handle it, so here I am.

You are the writer.

I'm a character.

Only the writer is the writer.

Creator.

Everything you do is right because the writer is you.

Yes, I know, but I don't see what he writes until it happens in the now and by then it's in the past.

The magic of the pen is writing in the future.

Yes.

Do scientists and witches know this?

Yes.

They can't get there.

Only the writer can be in the future.

Why?

That's what he wrote.

Of course, it's the writer.

Who tops the writer?

Not the Devil.

Doesn't the Goddess have the idea?

Yes.

She doesn't top me, we are balanced.

Eros is the idea in the future.

She has Eros.

You write it down.

This whole idea is Eros?

Yes.

He's nothing without parents.

His parents come after him.

Yes, he is out of control.

No, I mean there is Eros and then chronologically his parents come afterwards.

Yes, he's from the future.

To get to the future you must become your desire.

Yes, so some witches get to the future with lust.

What do you get to?

The goat.

Women are trying to take that power from you.

What?

The power to write.

Emasculation.

True.

They do it by going into the future.

You hang out with Eros in the future.

They know how to get there and take your lust.

You are sure this is the writer and not the Devil?

Pretty sure.

Not positive?

Never go all in.

I learned that lesson.

Unless you want the game to end, then go all in.

In the ritual I confused Dionysos and Eros.

A lot of people do so when they are young.

You still do when you are older, but you see it.

Yeah, it's funny but it works for a man.

Whenever Dion appears, it is with Eros.

It's a fool.

That's why you saw a goat.

I get that.

You two work together.

We are friends.

Best friends.

Touching moment in the story.

Your best friend has been captured by an evil witch.

What will you do?

Nothing.

Our friendship has no expectations.

Eros will trust I write a story for two best friends.

The dog story.

Yes.

You two.

With Luna and Brindle.

Yes, us 4.

I see where this is heading and it's uncomfortable.

Alright, you 4 can be human.

Got it.

Still a little weird.

You must decide between Luna and Brindle.

Both.

You're good.

The best.

What about the Goddess?

She is the queen bitch.

Jack, as Eros, hooks me up with the two dogs.

Got it.

Won't that piss off the Goddess?

She is used to it.

Plus, she trusts it will work out in the end.

So does Eros, and you made a dog world to celebrate.

How does the Goddess get what she wants in this scenario assuming you are also making her wait 7 universes before she gets her way?

The queen bitch will divorce you and take everything you have in the settlement, including your pen.

You must legally give it to her.

Then she writes her boring story.

The end.

Well, that is spiteful.

Yes.

That's misogynistic.

No, she gets what she wants.

She's greedy and wants what I have.

She wanted the idea and the pen.

She wanted Eros and my pen.

She gets both in the end but in order to create an unselfish and unified DEI world she had to be a selfish and greedy bitch.

Um, but you two love each other?

Yes, despite her calling me a dragon.

We keep up the interest with the conflict.

If not, we would have ignored each other for 7 universes.

That's a good guess as she is stubborn.

She took your best friend.

Eternal return.

He always comes back.

I trust that cycle.

The writer of the drama who gave me the pen wants to know what kind of a writer I am and at the same time make me realize what he went through as the writer.

He has to write suffering and death into the story.

You can wave a magic wand or pen and delay the suffering, however it's coming for all of us.

The writer, or his alter ego the Devil, gets blamed for it all.

The writer is shielded; it's the Devil who takes the blame.

Yes, so now that you have that power, what do you think?

I feel compassion for you.

You feel compassion for the Devil because you can't avoid suffering.

The story bakes suffering for all into our life story.

You can't go through life and not suffer.

Ram Dass talked about suffering and said it's all perfect.

What else can you say?

Do you think life is great or not?

If you say life is precious, then you must accept suffering as perfect.

If you think life is a waste of time, then suffering is abhorrent.

What a way to spend your time.

You are wasting time suffering.

That's Hell.

That's what the Devil creates for people who think life isn't precious.

If you wish suffering on people, then you'll eventually suffer in Hell.

You'll suffer because Hell is the place you go to when you think life isn't precious.

Holy fuck, Dion.

Perfect suffering.

It truly was and I thanked her for it.

The Goddess tested you out to see if you think she is a monster.

I wrote that I tamed her.

Only you can tame her.

Everyone else wants her to go.

I broke her spell and tamed the monster.

That's how you become God and are worshipped.

When you tame her, the bad stuff stops.

It's all part of the story.

You tame her by believing she isn't a monster.

That's all she needs.

A mom isn't a monster.

Or a woman looking for a mate.

Or wanting a perfect world.

A monster would have killed you.

Or tried.

You wrote it was the best thing that happened to you.

Yeah, I tamed her.

She tried to apologize, and you thanked her.

What a writer!

She's no monster.

She wants to write she's a monster.

Yes, she wants your pen because she wants to write she's a monster, but you won't let her.

That's the story and how you justify in your head everything that happened were well-timed coincidences.

I'll buy that.

They were synchronicities telling the story of her wanting recognition as a terrible monster and you refusing to acknowledge and write it.

She'd send you pictures of her as a monster expecting you'd write about how she's a monster.

I wrote she's a witch but not a monster.

There's a difference.

Good witch, bad witch.

Are there good monsters?

No, by definition a monster is terrible.

I then made her a mother which fulfills the monster requirement in that they become monsters to protect their child.

I fulfilled her need to be a monster through motherhood.

Okay, I can see how these stories are addicting.

They are crazy, yet you want more of them.

Yes, so you know you shouldn't be doing this, but you want another hit of stories.

I can feel that.

Aren't you worried you are getting addicted?

No, I think you must experience why you would get addicted, so you have knowledge of what addicts you, and then you work with that knowledge.

I know to dial down the dosage from the weekend.

I know I'm not doing a lot, but I can simulate a high dose while still having some semblance of control and by control, I mean not going over the edge.

It's important to be given the freedom to climb the mountain and it's also important to know when you are at the top of the mountain or the pyramid.

Another step on the top of the mountain or pyramid and you go tumbling down the other side.

That's your end.

So, within the container of the mountain or pyramid you climb up and down the side of the mountain and that allows you to continue in the game.

The other side doesn't have a path.

You can't climb it.

There's a way into and out of the labyrinth.

If you stay in the game, you still must follow the path to victory.

If you get lost in the maze, then you'll get beat.

Won't you get tired of the same path?

No, because you can venture off the path as long as you remember how to get back on the path.

How do you do that?

The container and dosage.

A higher dosage will get you lost because you left the container.

What happens initially with psychedelics?

You get into the labyrinth.

Why don't you get lost?

Some do but a competent shaman or guide will know the dosage and guide you.

You need a shaman with Ayahuasca who takes you into the labyrinth, you follow their songs on a journey, and then they bring you back out.

That's what a shaman can do for you.

Without the shaman, you will eventually get lost.

Do you see how an addiction in this case would work?

Yes, you keep going further into the mind until you are totally lost and can't get back out.

You end up looking for a story that will show you the way out.

You think you are going to get that story.

You have hope but then it turns to despair, and you realize you will never get out of the labyrinth.

Then the minotaur comes to devour you.

That seems like a bad outcome.

It's the result of addiction.

Addiction will get you lost in your mind, and you can't get out.

Some fall off the edge.

What happens if you seek help?

The therapist can hypnotize you into staying away from the addiction, but they can't cure it.

Relapse is always a possibility because you know you are not right, and you know to stay away from the addiction.

It is always calling to you.

It's a siren.

The siren beckons you.

The siren tells you they know the way out, so you always follow the siren.

When you follow the siren, it is to your doom.

What's the deal with that?

The siren is giving you the clue to get out.

You don't go to the siren.

You wake the fuck up.

You mean go back to sleep.

Yes, you snap out of it.

The mind you have entered into is the state of being fully awake, however you can't function that way in this world.

You must know how to go back to sleep.

You mean ground yourself.

Yes.

Like the woman at SpiritQuest showed you.

Yes, she told you to go into a flow state and ground yourself when you get too far out there.

That's her method.

I use sirens.

Plus, you have a container.

If you ever take too much, remember to find the sirens.

I use surveillance and paranoia as well.

That'll do; whatever snaps you out of it.

It's like snapping your fingers.

I used that trick to get past the darkness of Ayahuasca.

Yes, you'd go into the darkness and scare yourself until you started snapping your fingers and coming back.

Then you got past the block of the darkness in Ayahuasca ceremonies.

A monster wouldn't get rid of your ball and chain.

She'd want you to suffer in perpetuity for what you did.

She'd make you go back and take your punishment.

I haven't had any punishment, rather I enjoy it.

I'm not suffering at all.

The monster can't make me suffer anymore.

Why?

Because she made me suffer, tried to get rid of me, I saw her for who she is, and I'll play with her, but I won't get too close to where she can make me suffer again.

How are you going to do that?

Oh, I'm not going to do it, Dion will.

He doesn't get attached.

Attachment leads to suffering.

He knows all the tricks to prevent you doing something stupid like giving a monster your heart.

That monster will devour your heart every time.

You can't give the ancient Egyptian eater of the heart Ammit your heart.

So, what do you do?

You can do anything you want with the Goddess as Ammit, just don't give her your heart.

If you give her your heart, she will devour it.

It's the weight of your heart not the size.

If you have a heavy heart because of suffering, Ammit the monster will devour your heart as it sinks lower.

If you are light-hearted she can't touch you.

How do you become light-hearted?

You don't take life seriously.

You don't take love seriously.

You remember to play.

It's all play.

It's all a play.

Curtain drop.

Is that like a mic drop?

Sort of, but the curtain is the end.

A mic drop is a power move but doesn't signal the end.

addiction

I'm addicted to writing.
I'm addicted to writing about how I'm not addicted to anything.
I'm addicted to the idea of being addicted though I stay vigilant against addiction.

The way addiction will work is you associate the feeling with the perceived cause.
What about Mary Jayne in terms of addiction?
You mean associating altered mind states with her?
Yes.
It's definitely possible.
I have a relationship with Tobacco as well.
There are different catalysts to mind states.
For example, on Wednesday I plan to take a day off from hanging out with MJ.
The renewal is always good for the relationship.
Distance increases attraction.
Togetherness leads to feelings of separation.
That's very wise.
I'm a wizard.
When you are with someone eventually you long to get away from them.
Tobacco will bring you to a novel mind state.
So, will lust.
You can generate lust without MJ.
It's more fun with her.
Do you have different catalysts of mind states, so you are not dependent on MJ?
Yes, I have a bunch, and I combine them with MJ.
Music changes mood and so does eating.

Today, the sirens have turned into some kind of mind disrupter.
Weird sound.
It's a warning about the crossing of the threshold.
I'm a little out there I admit.
The sirens are distant, so it's all good.
A different dose of MJ and a different sound.
I'll start reducing the dose of MJ tomorrow.
I have hung out here for four days.
It's like a camping trip.
It's like a cycle of work with Ayahuasca where after four ceremonies it's diminishing returns as it takes you to the edge.
It can be dangerous.

The winds of your mind are fired up.
There goes a branch coming down across the river.
Sirens, then wind.
Don't listen to those sirens, Odysseus, or they will send you crashing into the rocks.
I hear them but don't follow.
It's an addiction.
Sirens are denoting addiction.
You hear them in the distance.
Got it.
Don't go towards them.
It's a different way to warn you about addiction.
Homer issued his warning.
Lotus eaters.
Temptresses.
Seducers.
Circe and her magic.
Do you think Homer was warning about the perils of drugs?
He compared them to women and wrote an epic.
Was Homer a user?
Clearly, he couldn't break the addiction, however he wrote a warning.
Odysseus was the hero who could break the addiction.
Do you think it was opium?
I think the drugs were narcotics and he got trapped in an adventure of the mind for quite a while.
Finally, he broke free.
Homer's position would be the Greek civilization was reality, and drugs were an escape or casting a veil over the world.

The four rocks of your mind are accessed through MJ.
Without her, they are lessened.
To get back to ego dissolution, you need MJ.
If you remain in that state, you are addicted.
That's how it would work.
You want to stay in that state or the opposite where you are trapped in the ego if you are addicted.
No MJ and you are addicted to this world and the superego.
You must juggle the two.
Picking one is hypnosis.
This could be a way to get me hooked on MJ.
It is.
However, you know how to play and not get hypnotized.
Trust.
Do your teachers lie?
They tell half-truths.
No, half true stories.
There's a difference.
The lessons are all on the up and up.

The sirens in the city would drive an addict mad.
They'd need the drug to get rid of the sirens.
That's how they work.
They call to you and sometimes it's so loud you must give in.
Addicts move to a quiet place where they can't hear the sirens.
The bad drugs are sirenas and sirenos.
Got it.
That's a good reveal.
I'm always being taught.
Yes, just stay open to being taught by the smallest things.

If you are addicted to the ego state, shouldn't you hear sirens?
Yes, when the ego's hypnosis is threatened you should hear sirens.
You must discern between the sirens.
Right, the ringing in my head is related to coming back down into the ego mind.
You got it.

When you see you can't be hypnotized despite the repeated attempts, it becomes a game.
Hypnosis is the basis for all games.
In the forest a big predator will take down a small prey.
That's a game of strength.
In the human game of predator and prey, the victor must be more cunning.
They win the mind game and convince you that you are prey.
The way in is to hypnotize you and plant that idea in your head.
They'll soften you up first with a couple jabs before the final uppercut.
Since you know you are the apex mind predator, you don't need to participate in their game.
You make it your game and play along with them.
Your idea of a great game is a game that lasts a long time.
Yes, keep the game going and all parties interested.
You must let them win a few.
Well, yes, that's how you suck them into playing.
You let them win a few and they think they got this in the bag.
You feed them what they want.
Mr. Green, the ego in the movie Revolver, wanted to win.
They let him.
Then they took everything away.
In the end Mr. Green let go of Mr. Green.
Did he?
I don't know, why don't you finish watching the movie?

One day you see the magic is in the balance.
Reconciliation of the opposites.
Akhet.
You go far into the labyrinth to pull that one out of the recesses of your mind and then head back out.
If you linger, you'll get lost forever in your mind and have to pull an Odysseus to get the fuck back out.
Homer detailed how Odysseus did it.
You, a lonely pilgrim, well, I wish you luck.

I'm guessing the majority of MJ users want to be stoned.
They want to empty their minds and check out.
They know the hypnotizing dose to get them there.
You need variety to avoid that outcome.
Most don't fight it.

What do you think the planes are surveilling?
Signs of hypnosis.
They work for the scientists.
They keep an eye on you and keep you grounded.
Sirens are from the scientists as well.
Warnings.
Why did Odysseus plug his ears?
Detox, breaking the addiction.
I think he was tied to the mast and the ear plugs were for the crew.
Right.
Odysseus heard the siren call and could see what they were doing.
He broke through the addiction.
Odysseus had Penelope to come home to, so he didn't destroy himself.
It's why a man needs a woman.
They prevent you from destroying yourself.
You build them a house to get them to stay.

You are getting tired of the stories, aren't you?
I'm feeling some resistance.
Good, then you take tomorrow off.
It's the flow.
That means I'm playing this correctly.
Unless you take too much time off from the stories, then you get to nothing and are hypnotized.
So, you are saying don't go all in on Tao?
Yes, if you went all in, you'd disappear.
It's the same as blowing up.
All in on Tao is an extreme.
I thought it was balance?
Yes, therefore you can't go all in on Tao.
Practicing perfect Tao isn't Tao.
Tao teaches you to do nothing when you don't know what to do.
If you do know what to do, then do it.
Since everything defaults to Tao that's the reason you do nothing, however when it's obvious what to do, you do that.

I think we got to the root of addiction concerning you today.
What are the findings?
Substances don't addict you as you can navigate the intoxication.
Resistance to MJ is a good thing.
With addiction you mindlessly take her.
I'll trust you on this.
I've got no other choice if I wish to continue.

Ithaca is where Odysseus is King.
It is his world; his ego is large.
He goes on an adventure of the mind to see who he really is and encounters many obstacles in his mind which prevent him from returning home.
Home pulls man back into the ego and his societal responsibilities.
The superego demands man raise a family and produce heirs.
What calls a man away from his family is adventure mixed in with dangerous witches.
While he is living in his fantasy world, the family calls him back and he longs to return to Ithaca.
It's a necessary call to ensure you don't get lost at sea; sea being in your mind.
The call to adventure once again allows the man to throw off the chains of civilization.
War wrecks civilization.
Sirens call him away from the family.
There's a push and pull necessary in great men's lives to maintain balance.
Without either of these impulses, he is no longer a man.
This impulse runs through the heart of all men.
What to choose?
Do I return to fitting into what society expects of me and go back to sleep?
That was Odysseus' journey and is the expectation for all men.
Well, first is to not go on the adventure.
If you do go on the adventure the pull of society will take you back home to your family responsibilities.
I try to balance them both.
I am the master juggler after all.
What if you get to the point where you have to choose one?
I juggle both.
Eventually, you lose one or the other.
Don't you wait until then?
Until one piece stops playing?
Yes.
Then you don't make a choice.
You are just buying time to keep the juggle going.
So, you are saying the wrong choice is to make a choice.
It lines up with what you know.
You're doing what you know right now.
You're not making a choice.
What if I'm faced with a choice?
Then you lose a choice.
Making a choice is a loss in the win-loss department.
Nobody wins a choice, instead you lose a choice.
You'd have to balance the choice out with a win.
Family or adventure and witches.
Ego or who you are.
Ego isn't your story.
Your story has adventure and witches.
Yes, I see that however if I buy into that story 100% it will be my downfall.
Making a choice is your downfall.
So, what do you do?
You trust in your story.
What's my story?
What do you think it is?
I think it's where I never made a choice.
I don't know where that leads.
No, you don't but it's your story.

Odysseus' crew prevented him from returning home.
One by one they are eliminated.
The crew becomes only Odysseus and thus he is one again.
The ego king Odysseus.

What is behind the designation of a hard drug?
A hard drug is addictive and will try to destroy your mind.
It's a challenge.
They are inviting to a human who is full of hubris.
They think their mind is so strong they can handle anything.
They are the ones who go around telling you MJ isn't addictive.
They can give it up.
They are in control.
They can move on to a bigger challenge.
You are describing gateway drugs.
Yes, it's true.
The curious are looking for a bigger challenge.
The most common addiction is nicotine.
Alcohol has the highest addiction rate.
MJ is tops for illegal drug consumption.
The hard drugs are cocaine, opioids, and amphetamines.
Have you tried those?
Coca leaf.
Codeine opioids for pain relief but not a big dose.
Amphetamines in Peruvian San Pedro cactus decoctions I have drank which contain mescaline.
I'm not attracted to any of those.
I have a good idea of what they would do to me, and I already spend enough of my time writing.
I don't need to write more.
How do you feel about MJ?
The literature says it produces feelings of euphoria and sedation which I think mean bliss.
Is that your experience?
No.
My experience is a steroid for my mind which causes me to write voluminous amounts.
I can't imagine being high on MJ all day.
I like to go out of my mind once a day and take a walk in the forest.
That's enough for me.
What about Tobacco?
The shamans of the Amazon basin and Andes mountains say Tobacco is the master plant.
What do they mean by that?
A bunch of things, primarily power and protection.
What do they mean by power?
A relationship with Tobacco is a friendship.
Tobacco can give power to weaker plants that you ingest.
Tobacco will enhance your personal power.
Tobacco will protect you.
How can you prove this?
You can't.
Above all, there is friendship and trust with Tobacco.
If you can't understand this, he will be your demise.

Drugs aren't what they tell you drugs are.
Who are they?
Society.
I thought drugs make you feel good.
They can.
The numbing ones, especially if you are high strung.
The narcotics will make you relaxed to the point of not caring.
I am already relaxed and don't really care.
I have never taken things too seriously.
In my experience, drugs are a game.
They are mental challenges.
They can stone you.
That's like taking a loss.
Where do you stand?
Mary Jayne and Tobacco are my drugs of choice.
There are stigmas attached to the idea of drugs but I'm okay with it and I'm not hesitant to call my allies drugs.
They are my friends.
Aren't you deluded?
That's always a possibility, and that's how you navigate the space.
Through delusion and fear of addiction, you can sidestep the destructive aspects of drugs.
Have you ever been addicted to something?
Yes, I know the feeling.
Alcohol, sugar, caffeine, writing, and some women.
Addiction is a loss of power.
You lose control over your behaviour.
I kicked all my addictions.
Well, except for writing.
There's no way out of that one.
Yes, it's all very sinister where it was an evil plan all along to get me addicted to writing.
That way the master writer could offload his duties onto me and live my life.
Yes, it is written.
If you are going to pick an addiction, this is the one.
Why?
It's divine.

Hey Dion, what's up with the human fascination with gold?

Power.

Gold is a visual display of your status and power.

It shows others who you are and how you should be treated.

If you have a lot of gold, you will be treated like royalty.

Don't you find it strange?

Yes, just like you asking yourself questions.

Well, you are my chat box.

Instead of finding it strange, you can examine the human fascination with gold and discover many insights about your fellow humans.

The psychological expression is out in the open to be examined.

Humans are attracted to power and wealth.

We equate power and wealth with something beautiful and shiny.

The ancient Egyptians equated it with goddesses, gods, and immortality.

I guess we think we can buy a ticket to eternity with enough gold.

Well, you would need to transform yourself into gold.

How would you do that?

That's an internal alchemical process.

You'd shine.

I see.

What are you fascinated with?

I like numbers.

Yeah, but they will tire you out.

I like writing.

It's a burden after a while.

Does anything light you up permanently?

Not that I can think of.

I will indulge my desires and let them go.

They return.

I think you are getting me to see what gold is.

Yes.

What is it?

It's a hypnotic.

You can see how the process works.

You are seduced and can't let it go.

Addicted.

Gold shows you how addiction works and it's the one thing that gets all humans.

Power.

Greed.

Status.

Wealth.

All highly addictive concepts that are symbolized by gold.

Gold is the litmus test regarding addiction.

If you can let go of what it is you desire, it will return.

I know that.

If you desire eternal life, let go of life.

Yes, that's the lesson you gave me on a boat on the Amazon river when I was high on Huachuma.

You told me to kill myself in order to live.

It was 5 years ago that I got that advice and it's one of the most profound things I've ever heard, and the meaning has slowly and constantly been revealing itself.

Let go of my small ball life.

Let go of the hold I have on my character of Paul.

Give up my attachments to stories that hold me back.

Understand the cyclical nature of being; therefore, to get what you desire is to let it go.

If you hang on to something you will lose it.

Addiction will be your downfall, and you will lose everything by clinging to it.

If you give it away, it comes back.

This is Dion's time.

Yes, mine expired in February of 2024.

You gave the keys to Dion, and he took control.

That's the reason for the crazy summer of 2024.

My body had to adapt to the new driver.

You can see the result.

Well, I shouldn't be here, so I can let go of the past.

This isn't you.

It isn't.

It is but isn't.

It's still me.

I'm more my subconscious than the one you remember from most of my life.

I'm still the same.

Dion can see what others are up to.

Yeah, that's funny.

Paul was oblivious.

That was his magic.

He didn't see what others were doing and so he sailed through life.

You killed yourself in order to live.

I did.

If I hadn't, I'd be dead.

You had to kill off Paul in order to continue to live.

Yeah, Dion gave me the advice and I had to figure out a way.

Paul's now the writer in the background.

Pretty funny, eh?

Yeah.

You can see it.

I lost what kept Paul around.

There was nothing left for Paul, was there?

No.

I was done.

I felt it one night.

You could have ran screaming and fought to keep Paul around.

I let him go.

Dion took over.

It was funny watching him last summer.

People thought I had gone crazy.

Your dad couldn't figure out if it was still you.

This is fascinating.

Your greatest strength as Paul is you were oblivious to it all going down.

Now in the distance, you see it clearly.

You are marveling at it.

It would have been scary to understand the transformation as it was happening.

Paul was dying.

You had to give him up.

You did.

The best strategy for the stock market and investing in general is to do nothing.

The power to do nothing.

Financial advisors teach you that you must do something and profit off of you not knowing what to do.

It's a fool.

It takes a lot of willpower to do nothing because the pressure is constant to do something.

Doing something is your downfall.

Doing nothing will garner the best results.

Money managers are worked to the bone because they must do something to accrue gains for their clients.

They work hard and are financially rewarded.

I have found over a lifetime that the best strategy is to let others do all the work and to do nothing.

It's good advice that encompasses all aspects of life.

What about a relationship hedge because you know by experience and observation that all sexual relationships will eventually become stale.

The heady days of attraction will become repulsion.

How do you guard against that?

It's the flow.

How do you prevent it?

You want to prevent the flow?

Yes.

You shouldn't do that.

I think you can.

How?

By doing something.

What do you do?

The extreme opposite.

You sever the relationship when it is still full of attraction.

The result is you maintain a connection because you never let it die out.

That is kind of brilliant.

If you let the attraction run its course and then do something, it's the end.

Think about that.

Okay, so doing nothing followed by doing something when there is nothing left to do is not ideal.

Yes, you do nothing when there is something to do.

When there is nothing to do you can't do nothing.

Why?

You'll expire.

When there is nothing to do, you do something.

I think you are teaching me the lesson of contrarianism.

Well, you have always known it is best to be a contrarian.

Whatever the herd is doing, you should go in the opposite direction.

You need a lot of trust and resolve to do that.

You have proved yourself over and over again in your life.

You are a testament to living with the benefits of the herd and yet not following along.

There are many benefits to society.

The herd.

Yeah, it makes life comfortable.

Don't get stuck in it.

Conformity?

Yes.

You taught me the best time to do something is when things are going great.

You do the opposite.

That goes against what you are feeling.

Precisely.

You wanted a way to keep the game going.

What was the game?

Attraction.

You wanted to know how to remain attracted to the Great Goddess and not be subject to the constant cycle of divorce and reconciliation.

To put it in layman's terms, how to hack the cycle.

The cycle will always be there.

The way to minimize the effects is to separate when there is still attraction.

This way it will be easier to reunite.

That's brilliant.

It's hard to do.

Why would you leave the Goddess when things are going well?

You wouldn't.

If you want to break the long cycle, then you must do it.

Well, shit, eh?

What about life?

What are you doing now about life?

Nothing.

What will happen if you continue to do nothing?

It will work out.

Yes.

What happens at the end of life?

Your body dies.

Should I do something before that happens?

You mean end bodily existence before there is nothing to do?

Yeah.

Do you want to continue in this body?

No.

I'd like to trade it in.

Then do nothing and it will happen.

If you want to keep this body, then do something now.

Ah.

So, it's okay to do nothing?

If it works for you and you are comfortable with the result, then yes.

If you want to be separated from the Great Goddess for a long time, then let the attraction play out and then disintegrate.

I think that's what we have been doing.

Does it work?

No.

It took me a lifetime to find her again.

The answer is to find her, reestablish the attraction, and then leave.

Get back with her and then separate.

You do it in this lifetime.

You keep the long cycle of life and practice coming and going with her.

Yes, but when I'm with her, I want to drink it all in.

You can't because you will empty the chalice.

Don't empty the chalice.

She will always try to devour you.

She's a monster who is greedy.

You like to remind me of that.

Yes.

It's the attraction that keeps you returning.

You like to play with her danger.

You get your thrill and then escape.

What if she succeeds in devouring me?

She is satiated and doesn't need you.

As long as you are around, she will want you.

Don't get complacent with that woman.

Was I getting addicted to the stock market?

Yes, that's how you make it go crazy.

Like a rollercoaster.

It was an intense love affair that crashed.

Give it some space.

Got it.

So, my thoughts are writing part of the story.

Yes.

I can't help it.

No.

You're a writer.

Just be mindful of your thoughts.

Do you think there are avatars of addiction?

Like when you go over the edge of addiction?

Yeah.

The addiction materializes in your life.

That's interesting to ponder.

Your mind creates an alternate reality.

Yes.

You couldn't hold down a job.

Good point.

You'd disappear to go see her.

The addiction?

Yeah.

Right.

You'd disappear in the afternoon with MJ.

I did.

I juggled it all.

I juggled the addictive qualities of what I was flirting with.

It didn't sink me.

It made me stronger.

You're not wrong.

She is the idea of addiction.

She plays the role.

You're the victim.

Ha.

What was I to her?

A mirror.

How?

To see how much of a monster she is.

You wanted to flirt with addiction, and she wanted to let go of her monster.

Seems like a good match.

I know you can stop Tobacco whenever you want.

What does that mean?

You flirt with addiction, but it can't beat you.

That's the alternate reality you play in with addiction.

The mind is amazing.

Yes, you see it now.

You lose touch with this reality and enter into a different reality.

Women can be addictions.

They feed you what you want.

You came to her.

She fed you what you wanted.

She saw she wasn't going to beat you.

She knew you could handle her.

She left.

You beat addiction.

You are as strong as you say you are.

How do you beat addiction?

You believe you can't get addicted.

Right.

That's a trap though.

Yes.

Your hubris will be your downfall.

You think you can beat addiction, so you try harder drugs.

That's clever.

An addicts way out of their addiction is to take your power.

It feeds their addiction.

Drugs turn you into a monster.

Got it.

Stay away from drugs.

Yes sir.

What about MJ?

She's fine.

Tobacco?

Protection.

I think you know enough about the others now.

I'm a good study.

That's the story.

You returned to this reality.

You then went off with MJ.

That's a ride.

Yes, people downplay it and think it's mild.

She is a good player.

What did you learn?

Different and altered realities.

You enter into another story.

People know you are different.

Waiting within is the only teacher you need.

To get to the inner sanctum is quite the journey.

The weak and greedy are turned away.

Once found, you will never lose the path to get to their school.

mediocrity

The tricks and illusions sent your way were a test to see what are your intentions.

The darkness tried to trip you up many times.

Confuse you.

Offer you power.

Get you enamoured with power, and you forget the whole reason for doing the spiritual trip.

You passed the tests and didn't become mesmerized with your glorification.

You remained mediocre.

That's the key - embrace mediocrity.

You weren't fooled by the trapping of power and the gifts of the spiritual climb.

So, I'm through?

You reached the summit of that climb.

The power is yours if you want it.

Nah, I'm good.

You shouldn't be here.

Like literally, you should be somewhere else.

Yeah, what happened?

Dionysos stopped the story.

Why?

It was getting out of control.

It was going to blow.

Yeah, for sure.

What a clusterfuck.

So, Dion wanted to keep playing?

You both did.

Well, I don't know; I think I wanted to blow up.

I kept walking towards that outcome and Dion encouraged it.

Then he stopped the game at the end of the path.

Seems to be a trust he will do that.

Why did he stop it?

He wanted to see how far you'd go and then when he saw it, he realized you're the one.

I'm Neo.

For sure.

Why would the writer give up a character who is playing the writer?

You are the one who can play the writer.

I can play with the writer and play the writer.

Yes, you're it.

Dion wanted to keep that character around.

Yeah, so now he is going to have that character play God in the sequel.

The character of Paul is great.

Some say the greatest.

God is kind and caring.

What a fool you are.

God knows who he is.

A degenerate?

Of course.

Strange dream last night taught me that in order to escape that reality, wake up.

Don't go back to sleep.

So, if you want to exit a situation or simulation, just wake up.

Well, if you want to get out of the whole mess that means a total awakening which would be death.

Death kills the reality dream.

What if you want to only change part of the dream?

Then you must petition the Devil or God to change your story, so you do that and stay in this reality.

You know to let it be and follow your story because you know it will work out.

That seems to be part of the lesson.

This is all part of your story.

Now you see it, you wake up and are supposed to go.

There are methods for awakening and when you get there then you go.

Except you.

I'm exceptional. 

Fuck, for sure.

You're going to ruin it for the others.

Why?

Because you are still here, and you know the game.

You figure it out and now you are going to tell everyone don't wake up or it's time to go.

I can tell them not to go.

They don't have your mind strength.

They'll go.

So, you will tell them not to wake up.

No, you just send them on a different path like in the labyrinth.

Get them lost for a bit.

That's the secret about the spiritual path.

Yes, it's a killer.

You can look at this as gravy time as you were supposed to go.

Parker is waiting.

Yeah, he went.

He took a lot of psychedelics.

Ram Dass tells a story about an acquaintance who reached that state and blew up.

It was a warning he was issuing.

Ram Dass comforted the dying.

He was a death doula; it was his path of service so he could remain.

He was a bodhisattva.

You spaced out your awakening and then found Mary Jayne.

MJ shows you what's going on.

She took away the confusion of waking up.

It's overtime.

I'm going to go for a skate.

The dream is over, or has it just begun?

Part of the story was waking up in this dream, knowing how to leave the dream, and staying.

The answer to leaving is obvious.

Yes, but for most it's suicide.

Nobody wants that but that's why they do it.

Their minds aren't strong.

You must be able to withstand the tests.

Don Howard never said what those were?

Well, obviously.

They are always looking for the one who can pass the tests.

Neo.

Mediocre Neo is the one.

Whatever happens, happens.

You should be dead.

How would they get you to go now?

You are already awake, and the past is gone by where I was supposed to go.

It's come and gone.

If you do something stupid.

That's a possibility.

In 2024 you were supposed to go, end the dream, and spare others the suffering.

Instead, you let it happen.

I did nothing.

The longer it goes on, the more suffering and revelations.

Yeah.

Oh, well.

Some would want you to end the drama and some to keep it going.

Especially the rich kids.

Do nothing.

Done.

Being alone in the woods mimics waking up.

Everything disappears.

All your troubles, hopes, and dreams.

It was all a story.

You make another story to rejoin your friends.

When your friends start to leave you see it's okay to go.

That's why you make new stories in the dream.

The key to being awake in the dream is to continue making stories.

By default, we do it while sleeping.

While awake you do it to stay around.

I was having a hard time getting to the conclusion of the dream last night and then it kept getting weirder.

Finally, I woke up and then realized it was done.

That dream was telling you about waking up.

The Akhet is where you bridge the two worlds of awakening and dreaming.

We are born in the Akhet and pass there as well.

The Great Goddess holds the keys to transformation.

It's the threshold you cross where the veil is put over you or removed.

Death in the west removes the veil and you see what it was you were doing.

Dreaming a story into existence.

Birth in the east places the veil over you so you don't know it's a dream.

It's a dream.

You can play along now if you'd like.

The danger is over.

What was the danger?

Waking up.

If you pursue meaning in some spiritual quest and you wake up, then you must go.

That's the natural flow of life.

So, I came out of the flow?

Yes.

How did I do that?

You did nothing.

Doing nothing is the flow.

Yeah, how absurd.

The secret to waking up in this world and not going is a puzzle.

An absurdity.

As always you have the answer, and it is to do nothing.

You bypass the natural flow by going with the flow.

Everyone fights death.

When it's time to go, we all try to avoid it.

You didn't avoid any of the signs telling you to go.

Some were literal.

People told me to go.

Yet, you did nothing.

I practiced all my life.

Now, here you are.

I'd almost think I'm invincible.

By doing nothing you can keep the game going.

A stone Buddha is awake and has no stories.

Like being stoned.

Samadhi.

He needs a prince to wake him up.

He's the prince.

I see the problem.

When people see you when you are awake, they tell you to go.

That's why I want to hang out in the woods by myself.

Plus, the animals are friends.

What's the 4 about?

I don't know, I forgot.

Dosage.

Different vibration today.

Yes, good knowledge.

If you take a day off from the lessons, you might miss something good.

Yeah, trust in the flow though.

I mean you'd drive yourself nuts trying to figure out an optimal dose from each day to get that piece of knowledge you are seeking.

What knowledge are you seeking?

I don't know.

I'll know when I see it.

The last stop on the awakening pilgrimage is Heaven's Gate when you are ready.

You went there in 2020, but you hadn't fully awakened.

They were supposed to take you there in 2023 but there was a detour on the day, and you declined the propellant.

That was Dionysos at work steering you past the rocks that were meant to hasten your passing.

You know when you see those events that look like a sacrifice and it now takes a short time to see them, well, the Heaven's Gate sacrifice took a while to see.

Yes, because I wasn't awake and couldn't see it, or see how my magic got me through it.

You avoided it on the 7th leg of the 7 stops while on your 7th trip to Peru.

It was a triple 7 where you should have hit the jackpot of awakening.

Well, I did, and I woke up because I went to the edge, but I never took the leap.

It's the last step.

The flow took me somewhere else.

Yes, that's your story.

You awaken in this world and then you find out that your story was to not only awaken, but to stay in the story.

Is that why don Howard asked about lucid dreaming?

Yes.

He knew that was the answer to the riddle of awakening.

He gave you the answer on the first questionnaire and then when you do the quest you see that's how you awaken and stay.

Did he do that?

Yes, he became of service and tried to be impeccable and give back.

That was his deal.

Who did he make the deal with?

The spirit within he awoke.

Did he know who he was?

He called him the Great Spirit.

He externalized him.

You know the Great Spirit.

Yeah, it's me.

There's nothing special about him except that he is the writer of this drama/comedy/tragedy.

Conceptually, he feels different but that's due to conditioning.

He's me.

Don Howard recognized don Martín knew of the Great Spirit and so he talked highly of him.

When you awaken the Great Spirit, you must externalize him and do what he asks.

I got it.

You awakened him, befriended him, treated him with respect and an equal.

Your studies took you to a place where you realized it was you.

That's how you do it.

You can teach that if you want.

The Peyote people aren't teaching that.

They get you hypnotized to the fire which reveals the Great Spirit.

He's external in their cult.

You are correct in that they give away their power.

That's how I felt that night when I was astounded that people gave away their power.

Yes, because you know that power is within us all and we give it away.

Do you have all the answers?

No.

I have the answers that everyone is looking for.

Plus, you still have your sanity.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.