addiction

I'm addicted to writing.
I'm addicted to writing about how I'm not addicted to anything.
I'm addicted to the idea of being addicted though I stay vigilant against addiction.

The way addiction will work is you associate the feeling with the perceived cause.
What about Mary Jayne in terms of addiction?
You mean associating altered mind states with her?
Yes.
It's definitely possible.
I have a relationship with Tobacco as well.
There are different catalysts to mind states.
For example, on Wednesday I plan to take a day off from hanging out with MJ.
The renewal is always good for the relationship.
Distance increases attraction.
Togetherness leads to feelings of separation.
That's very wise.
I'm a wizard.
When you are with someone eventually you long to get away from them.
Tobacco will bring you to a novel mind state.
So, will lust.
You can generate lust without MJ.
It's more fun with her.
Do you have different catalysts of mind states, so you are not dependent on MJ?
Yes, I have a bunch, and I combine them with MJ.
Music changes mood and so does eating.

Today, the sirens have turned into some kind of mind disrupter.
Weird sound.
It's a warning about the crossing of the threshold.
I'm a little out there I admit.
The sirens are distant, so it's all good.
A different dose of MJ and a different sound.
I'll start reducing the dose of MJ tomorrow.
I have hung out here for four days.
It's like a camping trip.
It's like a cycle of work with Ayahuasca where after four ceremonies it's diminishing returns as it takes you to the edge.
It can be dangerous.

The winds of your mind are fired up.
There goes a branch coming down across the river.
Sirens, then wind.
Don't listen to those sirens, Odysseus, or they will send you crashing into the rocks.
I hear them but don't follow.
It's an addiction.
Sirens are denoting addiction.
You hear them in the distance.
Got it.
Don't go towards them.
It's a different way to warn you about addiction.
Homer issued his warning.
Lotus eaters.
Temptresses.
Seducers.
Circe and her magic.
Do you think Homer was warning about the perils of drugs?
He compared them to women and wrote an epic.
Was Homer a user?
Clearly, he couldn't break the addiction, however he wrote a warning.
Odysseus was the hero who could break the addiction.
Do you think it was opium?
I think the drugs were narcotics and he got trapped in an adventure of the mind for quite a while.
Finally, he broke free.
Homer's position would be the Greek civilization was reality, and drugs were an escape or casting a veil over the world.

The four rocks of your mind are accessed through MJ.
Without her, they are lessened.
To get back to ego dissolution, you need MJ.
If you remain in that state, you are addicted.
That's how it would work.
You want to stay in that state or the opposite where you are trapped in the ego if you are addicted.
No MJ and you are addicted to this world and the superego.
You must juggle the two.
Picking one is hypnosis.
This could be a way to get me hooked on MJ.
It is.
However, you know how to play and not get hypnotized.
Trust.
Do your teachers lie?
They tell half-truths.
No, half true stories.
There's a difference.
The lessons are all on the up and up.

The sirens in the city would drive an addict mad.
They'd need the drug to get rid of the sirens.
That's how they work.
They call to you and sometimes it's so loud you must give in.
Addicts move to a quiet place where they can't hear the sirens.
The bad drugs are sirenas and sirenos.
Got it.
That's a good reveal.
I'm always being taught.
Yes, just stay open to being taught by the smallest things.

If you are addicted to the ego state, shouldn't you hear sirens?
Yes, when the ego's hypnosis is threatened you should hear sirens.
You must discern between the sirens.
Right, the ringing in my head is related to coming back down into the ego mind.
You got it.

When you see you can't be hypnotized despite the repeated attempts, it becomes a game.
Hypnosis is the basis for all games.
In the forest a big predator will take down a small prey.
That's a game of strength.
In the human game of predator and prey, the victor must be more cunning.
They win the mind game and convince you that you are prey.
The way in is to hypnotize you and plant that idea in your head.
They'll soften you up first with a couple jabs before the final uppercut.
Since you know you are the apex mind predator, you don't need to participate in their game.
You make it your game and play along with them.
Your idea of a great game is a game that lasts a long time.
Yes, keep the game going and all parties interested.
You must let them win a few.
Well, yes, that's how you suck them into playing.
You let them win a few and they think they got this in the bag.
You feed them what they want.
Mr. Green, the ego in the movie Revolver, wanted to win.
They let him.
Then they took everything away.
In the end Mr. Green let go of Mr. Green.
Did he?
I don't know, why don't you finish watching the movie?

One day you see the magic is in the balance.
Reconciliation of the opposites.
Akhet.
You go far into the labyrinth to pull that one out of the recesses of your mind and then head back out.
If you linger, you'll get lost forever in your mind and have to pull an Odysseus to get the fuck back out.
Homer detailed how Odysseus did it.
You, a lonely pilgrim, well, I wish you luck.

I'm guessing the majority of MJ users want to be stoned.
They want to empty their minds and check out.
They know the hypnotizing dose to get them there.
You need variety to avoid that outcome.
Most don't fight it.

What do you think the planes are surveilling?
Signs of hypnosis.
They work for the scientists.
They keep an eye on you and keep you grounded.
Sirens are from the scientists as well.
Warnings.
Why did Odysseus plug his ears?
Detox, breaking the addiction.
I think he was tied to the mast and the ear plugs were for the crew.
Right.
Odysseus heard the siren call and could see what they were doing.
He broke through the addiction.
Odysseus had Penelope to come home to, so he didn't destroy himself.
It's why a man needs a woman.
They prevent you from destroying yourself.
You build them a house to get them to stay.

You are getting tired of the stories, aren't you?
I'm feeling some resistance.
Good, then you take tomorrow off.
It's the flow.
That means I'm playing this correctly.
Unless you take too much time off from the stories, then you get to nothing and are hypnotized.
So, you are saying don't go all in on Tao?
Yes, if you went all in, you'd disappear.
It's the same as blowing up.
All in on Tao is an extreme.
I thought it was balance?
Yes, therefore you can't go all in on Tao.
Practicing perfect Tao isn't Tao.
Tao teaches you to do nothing when you don't know what to do.
If you do know what to do, then do it.
Since everything defaults to Tao that's the reason you do nothing, however when it's obvious what to do, you do that.

I think we got to the root of addiction concerning you today.
What are the findings?
Substances don't addict you as you can navigate the intoxication.
Resistance to MJ is a good thing.
With addiction you mindlessly take her.
I'll trust you on this.
I've got no other choice if I wish to continue.

Ithaca is where Odysseus is King.
It is his world; his ego is large.
He goes on an adventure of the mind to see who he really is and encounters many obstacles in his mind which prevent him from returning home.
Home pulls man back into the ego and his societal responsibilities.
The superego demands man raise a family and produce heirs.
What calls a man away from his family is adventure mixed in with dangerous witches.
While he is living in his fantasy world, the family calls him back and he longs to return to Ithaca.
It's a necessary call to ensure you don't get lost at sea; sea being in your mind.
The call to adventure once again allows the man to throw off the chains of civilization.
War wrecks civilization.
Sirens call him away from the family.
There's a push and pull necessary in great men's lives to maintain balance.
Without either of these impulses, he is no longer a man.
This impulse runs through the heart of all men.
What to choose?
Do I return to fitting into what society expects of me and go back to sleep?
That was Odysseus' journey and is the expectation for all men.
Well, first is to not go on the adventure.
If you do go on the adventure the pull of society will take you back home to your family responsibilities.
I try to balance them both.
I am the master juggler after all.
What if you get to the point where you have to choose one?
I juggle both.
Eventually, you lose one or the other.
Don't you wait until then?
Until one piece stops playing?
Yes.
Then you don't make a choice.
You are just buying time to keep the juggle going.
So, you are saying the wrong choice is to make a choice.
It lines up with what you know.
You're doing what you know right now.
You're not making a choice.
What if I'm faced with a choice?
Then you lose a choice.
Making a choice is a loss in the win-loss department.
Nobody wins a choice, instead you lose a choice.
You'd have to balance the choice out with a win.
Family or adventure and witches.
Ego or who you are.
Ego isn't your story.
Your story has adventure and witches.
Yes, I see that however if I buy into that story 100% it will be my downfall.
Making a choice is your downfall.
So, what do you do?
You trust in your story.
What's my story?
What do you think it is?
I think it's where I never made a choice.
I don't know where that leads.
No, you don't but it's your story.

Odysseus' crew prevented him from returning home.
One by one they are eliminated.
The crew becomes only Odysseus and thus he is one again.
The ego king Odysseus.

What is behind the designation of a hard drug?
A hard drug is addictive and will try to destroy your mind.
It's a challenge.
They are inviting to a human who is full of hubris.
They think their mind is so strong they can handle anything.
They are the ones who go around telling you MJ isn't addictive.
They can give it up.
They are in control.
They can move on to a bigger challenge.
You are describing gateway drugs.
Yes, it's true.
The curious are looking for a bigger challenge.
The most common addiction is nicotine.
Alcohol has the highest addiction rate.
MJ is tops for illegal drug consumption.
The hard drugs are cocaine, opioids, and amphetamines.
Have you tried those?
Coca leaf.
Codeine opioids for pain relief but not a big dose.
Amphetamines in Peruvian San Pedro cactus decoctions I have drank which contain mescaline.
I'm not attracted to any of those.
I have a good idea of what they would do to me, and I already spend enough of my time writing.
I don't need to write more.
How do you feel about MJ?
The literature says it produces feelings of euphoria and sedation which I think mean bliss.
Is that your experience?
No.
My experience is a steroid for my mind which causes me to write voluminous amounts.
I can't imagine being high on MJ all day.
I like to go out of my mind once a day and take a walk in the forest.
That's enough for me.
What about Tobacco?
The shamans of the Amazon basin and Andes mountains say Tobacco is the master plant.
What do they mean by that?
A bunch of things, primarily power and protection.
What do they mean by power?
A relationship with Tobacco is a friendship.
Tobacco can give power to weaker plants that you ingest.
Tobacco will enhance your personal power.
Tobacco will protect you.
How can you prove this?
You can't.
Above all, there is friendship and trust with Tobacco.
If you can't understand this, he will be your demise.

Drugs aren't what they tell you drugs are.
Who are they?
Society.
I thought drugs make you feel good.
They can.
The numbing ones, especially if you are high strung.
The narcotics will make you relaxed to the point of not caring.
I am already relaxed and don't really care.
I have never taken things too seriously.
In my experience, drugs are a game.
They are mental challenges.
They can stone you.
That's like taking a loss.
Where do you stand?
Mary Jayne and Tobacco are my drugs of choice.
There are stigmas attached to the idea of drugs but I'm okay with it and I'm not hesitant to call my allies drugs.
They are my friends.
Aren't you deluded?
That's always a possibility, and that's how you navigate the space.
Through delusion and fear of addiction, you can sidestep the destructive aspects of drugs.
Have you ever been addicted to something?
Yes, I know the feeling.
Alcohol, sugar, caffeine, writing, and some women.
Addiction is a loss of power.
You lose control over your behaviour.
I kicked all my addictions.
Well, except for writing.
There's no way out of that one.
Yes, it's all very sinister where it was an evil plan all along to get me addicted to writing.
That way the master writer could offload his duties onto me and live my life.
Yes, it is written.
If you are going to pick an addiction, this is the one.
Why?
It's divine.

Hey Dion, what's up with the human fascination with gold?

Power.

Gold is a visual display of your status and power.

It shows others who you are and how you should be treated.

If you have a lot of gold, you will be treated like royalty.

Don't you find it strange?

Yes, just like you asking yourself questions.

Well, you are my chat box.

Instead of finding it strange, you can examine the human fascination with gold and discover many insights about your fellow humans.

The psychological expression is out in the open to be examined.

Humans are attracted to power and wealth.

We equate power and wealth with something beautiful and shiny.

The ancient Egyptians equated it with goddesses, gods, and immortality.

I guess we think we can buy a ticket to eternity with enough gold.

Well, you would need to transform yourself into gold.

How would you do that?

That's an internal alchemical process.

You'd shine.

I see.

What are you fascinated with?

I like numbers.

Yeah, but they will tire you out.

I like writing.

It's a burden after a while.

Does anything light you up permanently?

Not that I can think of.

I will indulge my desires and let them go.

They return.

I think you are getting me to see what gold is.

Yes.

What is it?

It's a hypnotic.

You can see how the process works.

You are seduced and can't let it go.

Addicted.

Gold shows you how addiction works and it's the one thing that gets all humans.

Power.

Greed.

Status.

Wealth.

All highly addictive concepts that are symbolized by gold.

Gold is the litmus test regarding addiction.

If you can let go of what it is you desire, it will return.

I know that.

If you desire eternal life, let go of life.

Yes, that's the lesson you gave me on a boat on the Amazon river when I was high on Huachuma.

You told me to kill myself in order to live.

It was 5 years ago that I got that advice and it's one of the most profound things I've ever heard, and the meaning has slowly and constantly been revealing itself.

Let go of my small ball life.

Let go of the hold I have on my character of Paul.

Give up my attachments to stories that hold me back.

Understand the cyclical nature of being; therefore, to get what you desire is to let it go.

If you hang on to something you will lose it.

Addiction will be your downfall, and you will lose everything by clinging to it.

If you give it away, it comes back.

This is Dion's time.

Yes, mine expired in February of 2024.

You gave the keys to Dion, and he took control.

That's the reason for the crazy summer of 2024.

My body had to adapt to the new driver.

You can see the result.

Well, I shouldn't be here, so I can let go of the past.

This isn't you.

It isn't.

It is but isn't.

It's still me.

I'm more my subconscious than the one you remember from most of my life.

I'm still the same.

Dion can see what others are up to.

Yeah, that's funny.

Paul was oblivious.

That was his magic.

He didn't see what others were doing and so he sailed through life.

You killed yourself in order to live.

I did.

If I hadn't, I'd be dead.

You had to kill off Paul in order to continue to live.

Yeah, Dion gave me the advice and I had to figure out a way.

Paul's now the writer in the background.

Pretty funny, eh?

Yeah.

You can see it.

I lost what kept Paul around.

There was nothing left for Paul, was there?

No.

I was done.

I felt it one night.

You could have ran screaming and fought to keep Paul around.

I let him go.

Dion took over.

It was funny watching him last summer.

People thought I had gone crazy.

Your dad couldn't figure out if it was still you.

This is fascinating.

Your greatest strength as Paul is you were oblivious to it all going down.

Now in the distance, you see it clearly.

You are marveling at it.

It would have been scary to understand the transformation as it was happening.

Paul was dying.

You had to give him up.

You did.

The best strategy for the stock market and investing in general is to do nothing.

The power to do nothing.

Financial advisors teach you that you must do something and profit off of you not knowing what to do.

It's a fool.

It takes a lot of willpower to do nothing because the pressure is constant to do something.

Doing something is your downfall.

Doing nothing will garner the best results.

Money managers are worked to the bone because they must do something to accrue gains for their clients.

They work hard and are financially rewarded.

I have found over a lifetime that the best strategy is to let others do all the work and to do nothing.

It's good advice that encompasses all aspects of life.

What about a relationship hedge because you know by experience and observation that all sexual relationships will eventually become stale.

The heady days of attraction will become repulsion.

How do you guard against that?

It's the flow.

How do you prevent it?

You want to prevent the flow?

Yes.

You shouldn't do that.

I think you can.

How?

By doing something.

What do you do?

The extreme opposite.

You sever the relationship when it is still full of attraction.

The result is you maintain a connection because you never let it die out.

That is kind of brilliant.

If you let the attraction run its course and then do something, it's the end.

Think about that.

Okay, so doing nothing followed by doing something when there is nothing left to do is not ideal.

Yes, you do nothing when there is something to do.

When there is nothing to do you can't do nothing.

Why?

You'll expire.

When there is nothing to do, you do something.

I think you are teaching me the lesson of contrarianism.

Well, you have always known it is best to be a contrarian.

Whatever the herd is doing, you should go in the opposite direction.

You need a lot of trust and resolve to do that.

You have proved yourself over and over again in your life.

You are a testament to living with the benefits of the herd and yet not following along.

There are many benefits to society.

The herd.

Yeah, it makes life comfortable.

Don't get stuck in it.

Conformity?

Yes.

You taught me the best time to do something is when things are going great.

You do the opposite.

That goes against what you are feeling.

Precisely.

You wanted a way to keep the game going.

What was the game?

Attraction.

You wanted to know how to remain attracted to the Great Goddess and not be subject to the constant cycle of divorce and reconciliation.

To put it in layman's terms, how to hack the cycle.

The cycle will always be there.

The way to minimize the effects is to separate when there is still attraction.

This way it will be easier to reunite.

That's brilliant.

It's hard to do.

Why would you leave the Goddess when things are going well?

You wouldn't.

If you want to break the long cycle, then you must do it.

Well, shit, eh?

What about life?

What are you doing now about life?

Nothing.

What will happen if you continue to do nothing?

It will work out.

Yes.

What happens at the end of life?

Your body dies.

Should I do something before that happens?

You mean end bodily existence before there is nothing to do?

Yeah.

Do you want to continue in this body?

No.

I'd like to trade it in.

Then do nothing and it will happen.

If you want to keep this body, then do something now.

Ah.

So, it's okay to do nothing?

If it works for you and you are comfortable with the result, then yes.

If you want to be separated from the Great Goddess for a long time, then let the attraction play out and then disintegrate.

I think that's what we have been doing.

Does it work?

No.

It took me a lifetime to find her again.

The answer is to find her, reestablish the attraction, and then leave.

Get back with her and then separate.

You do it in this lifetime.

You keep the long cycle of life and practice coming and going with her.

Yes, but when I'm with her, I want to drink it all in.

You can't because you will empty the chalice.

Don't empty the chalice.

She will always try to devour you.

She's a monster who is greedy.

You like to remind me of that.

Yes.

It's the attraction that keeps you returning.

You like to play with her danger.

You get your thrill and then escape.

What if she succeeds in devouring me?

She is satiated and doesn't need you.

As long as you are around, she will want you.

Don't get complacent with that woman.

Was I getting addicted to the stock market?

Yes, that's how you make it go crazy.

Like a rollercoaster.

It was an intense love affair that crashed.

Give it some space.

Got it.

So, my thoughts are writing part of the story.

Yes.

I can't help it.

No.

You're a writer.

Just be mindful of your thoughts.

Do you think there are avatars of addiction?

Like when you go over the edge of addiction?

Yeah.

The addiction materializes in your life.

That's interesting to ponder.

Your mind creates an alternate reality.

Yes.

You couldn't hold down a job.

Good point.

You'd disappear to go see her.

The addiction?

Yeah.

Right.

You'd disappear in the afternoon with MJ.

I did.

I juggled it all.

I juggled the addictive qualities of what I was flirting with.

It didn't sink me.

It made me stronger.

You're not wrong.

She is the idea of addiction.

She plays the role.

You're the victim.

Ha.

What was I to her?

A mirror.

How?

To see how much of a monster she is.

You wanted to flirt with addiction, and she wanted to let go of her monster.

Seems like a good match.

I know you can stop Tobacco whenever you want.

What does that mean?

You flirt with addiction, but it can't beat you.

That's the alternate reality you play in with addiction.

The mind is amazing.

Yes, you see it now.

You lose touch with this reality and enter into a different reality.

Women can be addictions.

They feed you what you want.

You came to her.

She fed you what you wanted.

She saw she wasn't going to beat you.

She knew you could handle her.

She left.

You beat addiction.

You are as strong as you say you are.

How do you beat addiction?

You believe you can't get addicted.

Right.

That's a trap though.

Yes.

Your hubris will be your downfall.

You think you can beat addiction, so you try harder drugs.

That's clever.

An addicts way out of their addiction is to take your power.

It feeds their addiction.

Drugs turn you into a monster.

Got it.

Stay away from drugs.

Yes sir.

What about MJ?

She's fine.

Tobacco?

Protection.

I think you know enough about the others now.

I'm a good study.

That's the story.

You returned to this reality.

You then went off with MJ.

That's a ride.

Yes, people downplay it and think it's mild.

She is a good player.

What did you learn?

Different and altered realities.

You enter into another story.

People know you are different.

Waiting within is the only teacher you need.

To get to the inner sanctum is quite the journey.

The weak and greedy are turned away.

Once found, you will never lose the path to get to their school.