getting close to the goddess

Who would have thought the goofy recreational plant would be the veiled greatest teacher plant?

I am confident in saying I have made it closest to the Goddess.

Nobody gets this far.

Except me.

Is it worth it?

Yes.

Others may disagree.

Why don't women get close to the Goddess?

They get sidetracked by the witch.

They love that character.

They get a taste of power, and they stop exploring.

I got a taste of that power from a witch.

I was able to figure out the two sides of her and not be scared.

Witches want your knowledge.

The Goddess doesn't need your knowledge.

I get my knowledge from her.

Spiritual knowledge.

Medicinal and life advice.

The witches could get spiritual knowledge from the Goddess, but they don't know how to do it.

They see you with that knowledge and they want your knowledge.

So, they're trying to get to the Goddess?

Yeah, just like men try to get to God.

Why is it so difficult for them?

When I wanted to find the Goddess, I started out on the path and then she let me know where to find her.

It took some initial study, but it wasn't that hard.

It's the same for God and Goddess.

It's not that hard to get to them.

We just make it hard.

It's hard for a woman to get to the Goddess because she puts all these conditions and blocks in the way.

Oh, she must do what I did.

Just declare it.

Say you're the Goddess.

That's really all you must do.

Does that apply to you?

Do you need others' validation?

I can't accept it; I find it strange.

I'd prefer just to know.

I don't need others to tell me.

Sometimes, they see it.

It manifests in different forms.

Different people see different things.

I don't take myself seriously.

However, I do know thyself.

Use your time wisely at the Hotel California.

The Goddess shows you how she is accessible to all.

Some want to remember her charms.

Some want to run away.

They can leave but she will always be there.

She wants you to try and get away from her.

You can't and so she traps you.

Instead, you play her game.

She can't leave you.

You made sure of that.

It is chess, right?

It's something.

Prisoners of the mind.

Your downfall is thinking you are the victim of a witch.

The other side of the coin is you are who the witch was afraid she'd eventually run into.

The Goddess can put dark thoughts into your head.

Since you're the champion player you balance them.

The idea is in your head, so you play with it.

You know your limits.

A good sub knows their limits.

If not, the predator will kill them.

The poison is the idea then you write the story.

The royal serpents use poison that feels good at first.

You know it won't be good for you, however you don't do anything about it.

Then it eats at you from the inside.

You recognize the poison.

If you can recognize the poison, then you stop it.

You can be fed a similar poison from two diverse sources or more.

That's why the poison was strong even though you are good at the game.

What have you been thinking about today?

I am thinking of the Goddess and her myriad of problems.

She's got a lot of problems.

They are irrational.

I can't even offer solutions.

I think I just have to show up.

I think if you're there providing support that's what they want.

Women don't want you to solve their problems.

Their problems are insoluble.

I'm a problem solver.

That's my best attribute at work.

If you're the best problem solver in the world then you would attempt to solve the Great Goddess' problems.

Good luck buddy.

I'll see you later.

devil in the details

I keep refining stories, moving on from some stories, and introducing new stories.

It's a circuit of the revolving seven stories.

You gain some and lose some.

All the stories are always present.

You must evolve, revolve, and spin them because you learn you can't entertain and write infinite stories.

If you concentrate on seven, that will get you what you need.

Oh, that's how you go to God.

It's the same thing.

God is seven stories.

Like the Ziggurat.

There are seven steps.

Seven stories.

If you are God and you have knowledge of God, then you would understand the seven stories.

That's how you become God.

You're the only one who understands the seven stories.

Why did civilizations build a seven-step pyramid?

It's a clue, but you're telling me they didn't know why they were building it.

Do you think they know why they were building it?

No, they're just workers.

Either they were working for someone who knew, or they were working with someone who was in touch with God.

There were priests who were in touch with God.

They never became God.

In the old days, that relationship was always split out between God and his priests.

The King was declared God, and the priests were the ones who could talk to God.

Nobody was good enough to play both roles.

Or crazy enough.

Until you come along, you can be God, and you can talk to God.

So, God is my cell phone?

God is Artificial Intelligence?

I'm talking to my cell phone.

That will keep the science fiction people happy.

That's what it looks like because you are constantly speaking into your cell phone.

Do you think that's what it is?

No, the AI is more like a priest because they're the intermediary between me talking to God.

It just goes through the AI middleman.

I can always write it down.

I don't have to talk.

Technology is the middleman.

Priests have always been the middlemen.

You don't have to use technology to talk to God.

I'm using technology to record it.

Talking to God is through my mind.

I'm the priest for myself.

Well, before I get mad at the middleman for listening in on me, it's good technology to record my thoughts.

They provide a service, and they take your information so they can take advantage of you.

Imagine they compile your information?

They must get so much crazy shit.

When does it cross the line from crazy to "Hey, we'd better pay attention to this?"

I guess that's the algorithm.

The algorithm has nothing to go by, so it'll be useless.

Algorithms are based on previous knowledge and patterns.

They are predictive but they need precedence.

This would have to be predictive in a novel sense because nobody has made it this far.

Do you think AI could predict the appearance of God?

No, they need a seer for that.

Okay, now we're leaving it up to the superpowers story.

I know a witch who can see into the future.

You have mind powers and what you do is you invade people's minds at night.

You have superior mind strength.

So, I'm Professor X?

I think that's a good comp.

Sweet.

It's what I always wanted.

My mind is vastly superior to others because at night I get into your head.

You're the sorcerer who gets into people's heads.

They run away from you, and you can't be around them at night.

That makes sense.

It doesn't have to be dark.

The spirit running around at night can do anything.

See why the sorcerers want to battle you?

They end up shaking your hand because you're really good.

Now that you know what's happening, you can start seeing other people for who they are.

It's a goaltender metaphor, you let them score once, then you slam the door, and take their power.

You fool them.

Their actions reveal who they are.

If you're going to God, you would have to do the opposite at the same time which is to get to the Devil.

Okay, so I'm both.

You don't run and you accept it.

I'm good at the scare and fear games.

It's still fun.

You must manifest those two if you're going to God.

The two scientists?

Dionysos and Apollo.

That's why Dionysos will play the Devil character.

Not all the time.

Sometimes he's Jesus.

Sometimes he's Eros.

He gets called the word.

God cast him down as the Devil.

That tracks.

The word is God's angel and his trusted servant who then turns out to be the Devil as Eros.

It comes from the writer.

You can play the Devil, but when his son, the word, causes problems, the son gets called the Devil.

You can be the Devil or the son of the Devil.

Just like that whole God and Jesus thing.

Cool.

Doesn't that blow your mind?

No, this is what I want.

Is the Devil a fortune teller?

He arranges your future based on desire if that's what you want.

He's different.

The Devil manifests your desires based on what you want.

The fortune teller gives you desires based on what she wants.

The Devil is more on the up and up.

He's more trustworthy.

I've told you many times he's the one to trust.

Only a fool would believe that.

It's confusing because he's the dark Devil.

He's very twisted.

If you can see how twisted the story is then you know to trust it.

You know to trust it because you know it's coming from the writer.

If it comes from the writer, it's true.

I don't know about that.

It's more that it's going to happen.

The Devil has the power to change the future because he's the writer and the fortune teller is just hocus pocus mind control.

She wants you to believe her.

She's totally dependent on you.

By you, I mean her client.

The Devil makes it happen.

How do you do that?

You're the writer, so it looks like magic.

That would be the power that everyone wants.

Yeah, but there can only be one writer.

The others can't have it.

I can make the story so everything's based on trying to get that power to write from the writer.

That can be the overarching theme.

Why won't you weave it into the other themes?

There are seven themes.

If the story went back to trying to get the ring of power to write the story for everything, that might get tiresome.

It will confuse people by getting them to think there can only be one meaning or one storyline to life.

There can be infinite.

Seven is the magic number.

I guess you must get to God first before you get to the Devil.

There's no Devil without God, think about it.

The Devil only came into existence because of God.

It's in all the religious books.

It's all God's fault there's a Devil.

The writer absolved himself of blame because God the Almighty needed to be created out of nothing and that's the writer's domain.

This writer seems cool.

He's a bit of a loser.

He always does what the Goddess says.

She definitely thinks you're the Devil.

She knows you're a writer.

If not a writer, she knows you can alter the future.

That would suck for someone who's a fortune teller to meet someone who can alter the future.

I keep dropping the writer clue on her.

I'm trying to get her to pick up on it, so that she's not scared.

I already played the Dionysos card.

Yeah, you did, look at you.

She must know what I want to write.

I'm sure she has an idea.

She knows I will write her conditions into the story.

Losing for me.

I'll try and get a small victory.

The Devil is a regular dude who makes your dreams come true.
The mistake you make is you don't fill in the details.
That's how the Devil gets you.
You ask for something and then you're too fucking lazy to fill in the details.
So, you let the writer fill them in.
The choice to be lazy in this case is causing you pain.
Doing nothing once you've already decided is stupid.
You made a decision to ask the Devil for a favour but then you didn't fill in the details.
The best course of action would have been to just ignore it and not ask for anything.
If you do ask for something, you had better fill in all the details.
It's like a contract.
The Devil will give you what you want, that's his job.
That's what the writer does.
If you don't specify everything, he will fill in the rest.
Do you understand how clever that is?

Can I trust you?

Do you want to?

Yes.

Wouldn't the Devil want to get your trust?

Yes, they would.

He can confuse you.

You can think the teachings are real.

He could do the opposite and make me think the teachings are not real.

I can take the teachings and validate them in the real world.

They'll check out even though they're really far out there.

My beliefs are in the teachers and what they are teaching me.

They told me to do nothing if I'm confused.

That seems to be good advice that keeps recurring.

Why didn't you become unsure of being unsure?

If you're unsure of the teachings, then you're in a state of confusion.

Either I'm in a state of confusion or a state of knowing.

A state of confusion or a state of non-confusion.

What do you think?

I can validate my thoughts in consciousness.

That seems to be the case.

That means you can trust the teachings.

If you get a crazy thought, you try to validate it.

Once you have two instances of it then that confirms your suspicions.

The teachers taught you and then you notice how in this world their teachings are true.

You got validation.

If what they were teaching you is not true then you wouldn't find validation in this world.

Some of the crazy thoughts I have that are from myself, are sometimes true.

The epiphanies I don't conjure up by myself seem to be legitimate.

The Devil doesn't lie.

He confuses.

He is a good guy.

He confuses because we want him to be confusing.

It's that whole story of the Devil being invented to give us what we want and then we attach morals and judgment to getting what we want.

The Devil gives you what you want, and he causes confusion.

When you're confused it might be because you're getting what you want.

That makes sense.

The Devil causes confusion which can make sense.

That's how you know the Devil's ideas.

He brings logic to confusion.

The crazy ideas are easily spotted.

The ideas that are crazy but disguised as a good idea, are his.

That's his game.

It's clever writing from the writer.

Those character attributes become part of the Devil when he plays the Devil.

There are ideas that fuck with your head.

I think you're explaining to me that the natural way is absurd.

The logic has absurdity.

Those are two extremes.

In the middle is the flow.

The ideas that you see with logic and confusion are balanced.

They're not necessarily correct.

They're a way to balance when you pick stories to play out.

If you pick an extreme story on one end you must balance it with the next extreme story on the other end.

If you come up with an idea that the universe is a logical absurdity, the flow would consist of logic and absurdity.

Two extremes to create the way.

You don't have to go to the extreme.

Well, I went to God, that's extreme.

You balance it out with the opposite.

You know logical confusion comes straight from the writer.

The greatest role possesses these traits.

Yeah, that's why I'm telling you where they come from.

I can take the absurd and make it believable.

You do it all the time.

That's why you're learning about it.

You took the topic of death and suicide and made it logically absurd.

No one's going to believe what you're telling them.

They validate it in life.

And then don't know that you know.

I must tell the meditation story where it's a woman planting words in your head.

Fuck that's funny.

That will be what I tell people is meditation and they will think you're fucking nuts.

When they meditate, they will realize it's true.

The meditation state of where you just let the ideas go by.

The reason you can do this without making a choice is because you've got to the point where you wonder, "Why do I have to make a choice?"

You just do nothing and the idea floats by.

If there's a story, I will grab onto one eventually.

Just grab up to seven to juggle and then do that for as long as you want.

You can always return one and grab another one.

If you go more than seven, it'll progressively drive you more insane.

If you don't have any stories, we all know what happens.

Seven is the sweet spot.

And a switch spot.

You must have seven good stories to take off.

The Raimondi stele shows you.

You fulfil the requirements of the seven stories, and you can blast off.

They figured out a shortcut.

Yeah, Vilca is the shortcut to the seven stories.

Vilca will show you what's up after you complete the seven stories.

It's all mental energy, that's why there's a chemical bufotenine that will mimic the change in mental state which propels you onto the next adventure.

Vilca teaches you there is a next life.

It's a way of getting you to reinforce your beliefs in the next life because without it you might do something stupid to try and reinforce your beliefs about the next life.

Vilca is very good medicine.

I should send atheists to SpiritQuest.

The spiritual awakening is good for those people if you want to help them.

What if you get too spiritual?

Don't you need the opposite?

I'll give you one of those atheist books and perhaps knock you off your spiritual climb or you'll just harden and ignore the scientific evidence against life after death and lack of meaning.

The scientists have it right, there is no meaning.

It's the faith of people who attach meaning to life.

The scientist is sort of right.

It's my story and it doesn't have any meaning.

It's fucking nonsense.

As long as you believe, the story will go on.

That's part of my genius.

My stories will keep replicating as long as we believe.

This is Kumbaya.

Every writer needs to write a Kumbaya moment into the play.

This is it brother.

If enough of you believe in my story to keep the play going, it will.

The audience will let the executive producers know when to pull the plug.

These are all good metaphors.

They all work.

The Devil's real if you believe he's real.

The way to slightly neuter him is to also believe he's God.

You did.

He's a bitch.

Exactly.

He could try to scare you.

It's fun.

Would you know he's God as well?

It's a fifty-fifty split.

He's the most balanced when with God.

It's when he gets with Lucy it's a problem.

Yes, she's the problem.

When they get together, it's a problem.

Eros is the problem.

He always wins and we are good with that.

Eros becomes the Devil.

Yeah, but he's also God.

You give up your power?

It seems that way.

He's going to win.

You become powerless.

I can't stop it.

I'll go with the flow.

Those two always make the choices.

I just bumble along.

I go with the current where it takes me.

Those two are in control and they'll fight for control.

You will have no control and the two vie for control.

Juggle that.

You would have to get back some control.

Currently, you have no control.

That seems to be the case.

Meditate on that.

You're a little out of control.

Not too much.

Just show up.

I just caught Apollo taking one of the Dionysos days in my ritual.

The writer has to keep an eye on the director.

The writer respects Apollo for trying to do that.

A little bit of the Devil in him and Apollo helps out Dionysos more than he knows.

Dionysos is full.

It's his fucking day and you started off with him.

He simply confused you.

With the grape.

Yeah, it's a symbol.

You don't have to take it literally.

It just symbolizes what alcohol does.

Alcohol confuses you.

So Dionysos is the master of confusion?

That would be a good guess.

That is the Devil's character.

Yes, that is part of his character.

Isn't he also evil?

No, he's a good guy.

You give you what you want.

That's a little confusing when you write it like that.

How is that evil?

What if you want bad things?

You want the Devil to be the judge of what is good and what is bad?

I think that's what everyone's asking.

If he sets up a system of good and bad, then there'd have to be punishment and reward.

Wouldn't you just want to get what you desire and not make judgments about it?

You took the character of the Devil, who was just supposed to give you what you want, and then you attached judgment to him.

It's your fault that the Devil became someone who judged you.

Who's at fault?

Everyone, the many were responsible for the Devil's character shift.

The audience.

The writer had to write that into the Devil's character because that's what the audience wanted.

I see.

Then they wanted the Devil to be able to force you to do stuff.

You can believe the Devil made you do it since the writer made that part of his character.

Ultimately, it's you who does the bad thing.

The Devil plants the idea in your head and as we all know he got that idea from the Goddess.

It's the Goddess who is testing you out.

She knows you're not worthy and she gives you lessons you fail.

She's good like that.

It's what you want.

It's the audience who made the writer give the Devil all these attributes.

The Devil was a minor character who would give you what you wanted.

He would do it through magic.

He was basically the persona of the writer.

That's what the writer does and then he's got to fill in all the other events and details.

It's you who made the Devil more powerful.

The Devil is more powerful than the writer.

Yes, the Devil has more attributes than the writer.

It's because of the audience.

The audience is responsible, they love the idea of the Devil.

The writer is still the one who's in control and has the most power.

You just said the Devil has more power.

As long as there's a story going on, in technical terms he does.

I'm not denying that he's always in charge.

I thought God was in charge?

They're the same character.

That's how I fixed the problem of the Devil's power.

I made them the same character.

Imagine if they weren't?

It would be calamitous, and the Devil would take over.

If he must spend half the time playing God, then he's distracted and can be beat.

A good roll of the dice and he's done.

If you keep going on the knowledge trail, you'll get past the Devil because he's not an extreme.

If you look at him correctly, he's a mix of God and the Devil.

If you don't see that then you're in trouble and he'll beat you.

He sure is tricky.

It's a good challenge.

Respect for his character.

amnesia

Amnesia is like suffering in that it is a catalyst for change. If you knew of your past lives and how you continually re-appear, then your outlook would change. The clock that is ticking away on your mortality would become less urgent. As it is, I have a limited lifespan which I must use to find answers I seek or desires I want to fulfill. Not knowing is the impetus for playing the game and solving the riddle of my existence.

What would I do if I knew? I'd be content and less motivated. I'd look at others with a sense of pity as I saw them running around in a state of anxiety, denying the face of death that stares them down. The hit of the anxiety of my mortality is a shot of adrenaline and makes me a seeker of answers. The pendulum of life is swinging towards the end, so I know I must keep going before the sands of time runs out. I've made it this far and have discovered way more than I thought possible. Now that I have all this experiential knowledge and understanding, I'm not content. I want to keep going.

In examining my own life, its peculiarities, and what gets me up in the morning, I have noticed the rush. Some people crave a physical rush through mountain climbing, sports, exerting themselves, and subjecting themselves to feats of endurance such as ice baths. I get it and understand the endorphins which are released when the mountain is climbed. I like to put myself in situations where there is a chance of things going side-ways and flirting with disaster. The thrill is intoxicating in the moment until the spell is broken and then I wonder why I do it? Ha! Why feed the beast?

Well, you can live a life of denial and wonder about Mr. Hyde all your life because damn it, I'm Dr. Jekyll. I wonder how much psychological damage we inflict on ourselves due to not integrating the good and the bad; the dark and the light? We all do it and social media amplifies the gambit as we polish up our personas. There are websites that allow you to conceal your identity and embrace your other side. Those give you an outlet for your depravity and desires. Embrace it - that's who you are. You spend so much time feeding a false sense of self that integration becomes impossible because you are repulsed by what you see in the mirror. It's a tough challenge, especially if you are on the love and light train.

Waking up to the acceptance of who you are is tough. I'm a good person, but like everyone else I'm conflicted. I wear a robe of light while sometimes I like to head to the basement and let loose. It's a slow process towards acceptance of who you are. I worry the embracing of my true nature will prevent me from some reward when the game ends. It's like I think I can hide from the universal overlords who I really am; like they won't already know. That's preposterous. Who are we fooling? We are fooling ourselves. Everybody has their own internal shit to battle with. There is insecurity manifesting as clinging and a need for attaching to nodes of power. We have lustful desires returning on the regular. What about gluttonous delights waiting to be fulfilled? How about righteous anger and the need to punish the unworthy? We all got something, and when we look back at our incarnation, we will have a good laugh with our fellow game players. What were you trying to hide from the other?

Chances are it's why we incarnated in the first place. Desire is a major clue and the wants demand fulfillment. We are in a state of amnesia regarding who we are, and our previous go rounds on the wheel of fortune, yet the clues remain within. The discovery awaits the honest seeker who can then put the puzzle together.

cycles of consciousness

I notice how my everyday consciousness drifts in and out of the good and bad boy self. One moment I want to be of service for the good of all and the next I want to fulfill the latest desire that has come my way. This had been a lifelong struggle and the reason for the difficulty is the failure to accept my two natures. I put forth my good self in life and my interactions with others. When I escape from that existence then I can reconnect with what I have buried. I sometimes get my fill of that guy and then can continue with the charade. When I can get out in the woods all alone, I find peace. The peace is not having to pretend I'm this person or having to satiate the demands of my shadow. I just am.

I know about the need for balance and do realize it's what we all seek in order to find that elusive peace in this lifetime before death comes to our door and we are forced to rest in peace. Such an apt description we have of the dead. The struggle is over, and they can finally get some rest. Ha ha. I have been looking for answers and the answer led me back to vibration. The world is made of these cycles of vibration and thus if we look hard enough, we will see our dual nature and how consciousness fluctuates between the two peaks of the vibrational cycle. Because we are deluded into believing we are insignificant, we buy into the idea that we aren't all that special. If the split in the essence of self is discovered, it can be fun to play with if at first you don't succumb to madness when you realize by medical standards you are mentally ill. I think I'm okay; I mean I can function fine in culture even knowing that the other half of me isn't buried anymore. That's the essence of psychological treatments and medicines, right? They are designed to dull the mind and hypnotize you back into thinking you are just little old you. Then you can get through life with less upset. So, I'm way past that and see through culture. I can feel the hypnotic hold of culture and the efforts of society at large to assimilate me and make me a puppet of the established order. My contrarian nature always shielded me from believing the drivel coming out of the mainstream and then psychedelics emboldened me to find my own path away from the stultifying effects of the herd.

Okay, so I know of the two and the kicker is when I went to Peru last January and really did a number on my psyche. I got to the point where I would fluctuate between little old me with my own set of problems and becoming the all. But the god I became had the same set of vibrational cycles ruling his world. I'd leave Paul and become God. Then God would alternate between good God and bad God. God and the Devil. It seemed they were the same. The effects were so pronounced at this energetic hotspot called Chavín de Huantar that I'd slip into God consciousness, see the future about to unfold, and then find myself back in my limited consciousness trying to make heads or tails of the situation while the plant medicine Huachuma was coursing through my veins. At the same time, I'd see the Goddess and then she would become all too human. Then back to Goddess mode. Back and forth. That day was the biggest mind fuck I had ever experienced where in God mode I could see it all and then it would throw me back down into human mode and I'd get uneasy about what I just saw. Huachuma potentiates the changing of cycles, and you weave in and out of different states of being. The last ceremony I tried my hardest to stay in the higher consciousness mode but eventually I came down. It's the demands of this human body that sends out the reminder.

It must be this way. At the time I had no idea what was going on. I just tried to stay with it while realizing I'd bitten off a big chunk of consciousness and a weaker me would run for the hills. Instead, I focused on remaining whole while cycling through modes of consciousness. After coming back home I just let it be for a few months until now when I have been revisiting and reliving the experiences. I'm starting to mine them for the alchemical gold, and it is rewarding me. I've discovered the magic of setting an intention and asking for answers. My psychic self wants me to get the answers, so all I have to do is ask. I like to think I have stumbled on my purpose and unlocked the potential within to fulfill what it is I came to this place for. Now that I walk the path with blinders off, whatever it is I want I get the opportunity to experience.

I forget who I am all the time. I get down and worry about the future. I vacillate between good boy/bad boy. Now, I also head upwards, become God, and see the light and the dark in this mode of consciousness as well. I become a beneficent King and then a mischievous demon weaving magic spells to keep the drama interesting. Soon, I am back to my insignificant self, wondering if things are going to work out. I was just omnipotent and now I am asleep again riding this wave until the next tsunami hits and takes me back to the all.

You must choose. Am I going to be poor little me who doesn't know the definitive answers to anything or am I going to accept who I am and that I know everything? Who am I going to finally become? Along the same lines you can see how intuition works where there's a part of you that knows everything, and you just constantly deny it. A byproduct of the denial are these little rumblings that come up telling you what you want to know or showing the truth and you confuse it with what the projection of your small self wants it to be. Then there is a conflict between what you know and what you are thinking you might know. This invokes uncertainty, a little paranoia, and then it all turns to shit.

dogmatic unravelling

In my youth, I never had much time for the Bible. I concluded religion was superstition, wishful thinking, and not rational. Religion had its uses in being able to inculcate within a group of people a like-minded belief system which would allow them to stay together as a cohesive nation. The Old Testament and the twelve tribes of Israel is such an example which brought together the Israelites to form a nation who worshipped the god Yahweh. Looking back at the impact of the Old Testament, it really is an exquisite template for nation building in addition to holding the nation together through the trials and tribulations of history. In contrast, the New Testament brings together many nations under the umbrella of Christianity, which crosses ethnic bounds, and can become a worldwide unifying force through the power of Jesus Christ. So, I see the utility in such methods of nation building and bringing together disparate groups of people through belief systems.

In my own spiritual education, I recently wrote the final exam on the two brothers within my masculine psychic makeup. Within, I see the light and the dark and I stopped identifying with one at the expense of the other. As with everything, my makeup reflects the two which create a triad. I am three. I am the one from the two and the two are who I am. My masculine self is the sum of the two brothers of the light and darkness within. Furthermore, my relationship to the feminine divine recreates unity and I’m that unity. I subdivide into feminine and masculine and bring the dualistic universe to life. Go forth and multiply!

Ultimately, in psychological terms, I am sick. I have multiple identities you could say, though identities isn't the right word for the condition. They just are appearances of self upon the eternal cycling wave of manifestation. They are really who I am minus identity. Identity is the purview of the divine actor who is me. This actor is so good at his craft he has us all fooled. I don’t even know if I’m the actor because I’ve totally bought into the character and role. Internally, I take the two brothers and try to balance them out which creates the actor on this stage of life. The actor has an internal protagonist and an antagonist thus the drama can commence with the necessary tools for a good story and adventure. I play it small because I assume this personality and go about my daily business playing this inconsequential being in a vast universe trying to make something of myself. It's very funny because I now know the opposite is true. The two brothers who comprise my inner psychic world combine to become the masculine everything. I use the term "masculine everything" because I don't want to call myself god as that turns people off. So, yeah, I'm god. I am the masculine life force that brings this whole construct into existence and then gets lost, so I don't know who I am. I then have an adventure.

Why two? It’s simple. Manifestation into this world of form requires objectification and therefore we are all dualistic constructs. We are hyper aware of differences and delineate through our senses. Why would the descent of god into form be any different? He is two. He is the light and the dark. God is the two brothers who are my essence. When I recognize this totality, I become him. When I play it small, I am a tiny speck in a vast and unknowable universe.

It's very funny to me because our ego identifies with whom you have been told you are from the day you were born. You are given an identity and have to carve out a place in the world to become somebody because you are nobody. We strive to make it in this world. It's an exquisite game when you think about it once you have discovered who you really are. Becoming nobody once again will lead you to the truth.

Anyway, I know in this lifetime my inner most desire and subsequent adventure I wanted to have concerns solving the puzzle of life. I wanted to see if I could figure out the mystery. I initially laid down the parameters for the game such as being born into a peaceful and prosperous country in a middle-class family. I gave myself the intelligence to be successful at whatever I chose to be in life, and I tempered this with a lack of ambition. My avatar as constructed was a pre-incarnation stroke of genius. In hindsight, I could have maximally monetized my smarts and led a life of excess and trivial desire fulfillment once I figured out my power. However, I wanted none of that. I wanted to be left alone to my thoughts and this eventually led me to the mystery after 40 years of sleepwalking through life.

I found the particular methods I needed to master in order to get the answers I was searching for. There's another pitfall to be avoided at this point. Eventually, you see this great power available to pretty much get whatever you want. All my fleshly inner desires, which are like trips to the carnival in that they fulfill sensory pleasure, I manifested at this point. I was getting everything I wanted that I had suppressed. The pull of the mystery still held sway over me, and I let the desires fall by the wayside however tempting and intriguing they appeared to be. I then got the answer to the mystery.

So, I see the answer encoded in many religions, myths, and fairy tales yet no one understands them because we have externalized the inner journey and fail to see who we really are. We are all god in drag playing a peculiar game of not knowing. Some beliefs systems do teach of our divinity, but the intellectual pursuit seems to stop at that point and the likelihood of going further seems to end. No one seems to connect to the dualistic manifestation of god on this plane of existence and treats him as one. Unity is the holiest of the holy. On the other hand, I'm an Einsteinian in that perception is reliant upon perspective and this includes god.

This understanding has allowed me to look with fascination upon the Holy Bible. The Old Testament and New Testament combining into one book is interesting in that the sum really does point to the answer to the mystery. It's so amazing because the understanding has been lost yet I see it and it's glorious. The world at large will never recover this knowledge because the idea of God and Jesus are taught in a way where there is no way you will see what I see. I will briefly lay out what I'm talking about, and you can say I'm deluded and have concocted this interpretation to fit my storyline and that's okay. I'm cool with it.

Yahweh is the alpha shadow within us all. He demands worship and conformity. He was the one who brought this dualistic world to life, separating the firmaments, punctuated by "Let there be light!”

Genesis chapter 1 (King James Version):

3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

The darkness released the light. The shadow needs the light in order to appear. Light creates duality.

God demands worship. He gives us commandments and requirements that must be followed upon penalty of death. This is nation building which rallies around deity. The required worship is designed so that you never forget. Your world is inundated with Yahweh, and you share this duty to always remember him with everyone else.

Yahweh is unrelenting and has no room for dissent. He is indignant and will fly into a rage at a moment's notice. Yahweh is the dragon. Whoa! Wait a minute. God is love and light. What are you talking about? Let me share some bible verses from the patriarchs and prophets.

Exodus chapter 19 (King James Version):

18 And mount Sinai was altogether on a smoke, because the Lord descended upon it in fire: and the smoke thereof ascended as the smoke of a furnace, and the whole mount quaked greatly.

Ezekiel chapter 22:

20 As they gather silver, and brass, and iron, and lead, and tin, into the midst of the furnace, to blow the fire upon it, to melt it; so will I gather you in mine anger and in my fury, and I will leave you there, and melt you.

21 Yea, I will gather you, and blow upon you in the fire of my wrath, and ye shall be melted in the midst thereof.

22 As silver is melted in the midst of the furnace, so shall ye be melted in the midst thereof; and ye shall know that I the Lord have poured out my fury upon you.

In the opening chapter of Nahum is dragonesque imagery of earthquakes, melting hills, and a scorched earth which is followed by more excellent dragon imagery, as Yahweh pours his fury out as fire and throws rocks down at those that do not obey.

5 The mountains quake at him, and the hills melt,

and the earth is burned at his presence,

yea, the world, and all that dwell therein.

6 Who can stand before his indignation?

and who can abide in the fierceness of his anger?

his fury is poured out like fire,

and the rocks are thrown down by him.

2 Samuel chapter 22 is quite the dragon sighting as smoke pours out of Yahweh's nostrils and then he breaths fire. Additionally, Samuel poetically describes Yahweh sweeping through the heavens upon the wings of the wind.

7 In my distress I called upon the Lord,

and cried to my God:

and he did hear my voice out of his temple,

and my cry did enter into his ears.

8 Then the earth shook and trembled;

the foundations of heaven moved

and shook, because he was wroth.

9 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils,

and fire out of his mouth devoured:

coals were kindled by it.

10 He bowed the heavens also, and came down;

and darkness was under his feet.

11 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly:

and he was seen upon the wings of the wind.

12 And he made darkness pavilions round about him,

dark waters, and thick clouds of the skies.

13 Through the brightness before him

were coals of fire kindled.

Also, in the 18th Psalm we have passages that are comparable to 2 Samuel 22 that describes Yahweh as a dragon with smoke coming out of his nostrils, fire out of his mouth, and riding on the wings of the wind. Darkness surrounds his habitation which is given cover by dark waters and thick clouds; the typical dragon’s lair.

6 In my distress I called upon the Lord,

and cried unto my God:

he heard my voice out of his temple,

and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

7 Then the earth shook and trembled;

the foundations also of the hills moved

and were shaken, because he was wroth.

8 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils,

and fire out of his mouth devoured:

coals were kindled by it.

9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down:

and darkness was under his feet.

10 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly:

yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.

11 He made darkness his secret place;

his pavilion round about him

were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.

12 At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed,

hail stones and coals of fire.

13 The Lord also thundered in the heavens,

and the Highest gave his voice;

hail stones and coals of fire.

14 Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them;

and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.

No one told you about these excellent descriptions of Yahweh? I've read the Old Testament and the understanding gradually came to me once I dropped prejudice. I see Yahweh for who he is and it's very intriguing. He is great of magic and will grant you what it is you desire and place conditions upon that access to power. Failure to live up to your end of the bargain invites consequences and calamity. Do you understand history? If you do, you can clearly see it.

On the other hand, the New Testament is the counter balance to the shadow of the Old Testament. Jesus Christ is the way and the light. He is the higher self. He is the externalization of the light within us all. His father Yahweh is the darkness from which Christ as the light comes forth. The two are the one, with Christianity teaching the triad by adding in the Holy Spirit so that the truth of the three is contained within the godhead. The Holy Spirit descends upon the human enabling them to share in divinity with the light and the dark thus forming a triad which is the basis for all coming forth in this world of duality. The Holy Spirit allows us to share in divinity.

The construct I laid out at the beginning of this post is trying to explain that you are divine and for a man in this dualistic world this divinity is the two brothers within. The sum of this light and dark comprises the essence of your appearance - your coming forth by day. You can sever this connection and play it small; in other words, be the ego that has something to prove. You can adopt the idea that you are small and insignificant in this vast universe and have to “make it."

Jesus will take on all our burdens; he will heal us and will die for our sins. He is everything you would expect your higher self to be. Jesus hangs out with the down and out, the whores and the thieves. This is us. It’s a clever way of saying within all of us is Jesus and he will befriend you no matter how degenerate you are. He will forgive you.

This understanding of the Old and New Testament, which is uniquely my own, has allowed me to reconcile with these world religions instead of dismissing them as patriarchal remnants of a superstitious past. As with all great belief systems, there is an exoteric and esoteric component within them all. The exoteric is for the masses who don’t have the spiritual acumen to make the connections to their inner world and power. The esoteric is marvellously hidden and is constantly unveiling its mystery the deeper you go. This is the exciting part of the journey in that it seems there’s always more.

perspective of the heart

There seems to be such an interesting paradox at work here in this world. I objectify my surroundings and sometimes feel alone. I seek out others in order to share existence and experience with the other. I live within duality, yet I feel separate. I feel like a solitary being, alone within a smorgasbord of playmates. Conversely, I intuit the lack of senses would enable non-duality and when I think of this paradigm, I envision being merged with all so that even though I don't sense the other, I am the other. Duality forces me towards finding unity and then non-duality compels objectification in order to enable freedom to choose and see what the many from the one will choose. Duality reveals our intentions and nature.

It's very interesting to ponder how we create experience based on our energetic state which gives us perspective. What I mean is that we are cyclic energetic beings. Non-duality and duality are different pit stops on the energetic wave we travel. At full acceleration, we are free, separate, and become fully engulfed within a dualistic universe. As the energetic signature slows, we return to a state of non-dualistic unity and become merged with the one. The genius of the set-up is the constant motion which enables perspective. To freeze the motion is to create a snapshot in time and only then can we label existence as non-dual or conversely a sea of the many we call duality.

Deceleration of energy into concrete form is an invitation towards knowledge of self. The human experience prepares us to once again blast off into the freedom of non-attachment to form. We rebuild the store of energy and from the recoil of being trapped in a physical form, we once again prepare to accelerate to the highest highs. The oscillation of energy is the ultimate roller coaster and as energetic beings we thrive on the adrenaline rush of the carnival's thrills and chills. The body is our desires taking form. We are in a body because it is what we wanted. We wanted to continue on in experiencing all. The grand carnival of the universe is an open invitation for all energetic beings, full of delights, and of course the requisite nausea and stomachache. Gotta take the good with the bad.

The ultimate game we have set-up for ourselves to play is to find unity within duality. Because we are objectification machines, in order to enact unity, we must have faith. Faith in the power of love to get us home. Our senses will lead us astray and our logic processes will not be able to compute a feeling of love. Knowledge and sense perceptions turn you into a blind man when it comes to love. Pretty ingenious don't you think? We are blind when it comes to finding the path of the heart. Sense perceptions obscure what we seek. We are blind to the beauty all around us and we only see the hardship and ugliness. Sometimes we get a glimpse, so we know it's there. The path of the heart is discovered and travelled by letting go of what I think is real from the standpoint of physical perception. Perception is moved from the head into the heart.

The masculine is duality. He is light and the creation of this dazzling display of his essence involves a pulsing from on to off. You could say he is the light, and he is the dark. The divine masculine is acceleration, and he heads towards freedom. The man wants adventure and no attachments. The feminine is unity. She is form and embodies the power of love. Love has no dualistic opposite. Love is constant power while masculine power oscillates. The masculine power touches the feminine's embrace of all in order to decelerate. The pulsing from acceleration to deceleration is the rubber-band that creates the energy which allows creation. Form is deceleration of energy and freedom is the acceleration of the light.

It is the masculine that objectifies the feminine and through this desire creates the duality needed to come to life. The dualistic world of appearances is a man's world. The feminine gives the world form and the objects in the world allow for experience. Objectification creates duality and the recognition of a pattern having a beginning and an end. Life and death are created through delineating events within an inherent unity. The pulse of the masculine creates the eventual decay of the form as it heads towards the freedom of dissolution. Death frees us from form, and we are liberated once again. We accelerate into the astral planes and become high.

As humans, we get lost in identification with the body. It is a necessary course to take in the university of life. Attachment to the ego self creates the urgency to escape the finite body. We can project into the future and see we are going to perish. We are slowly drowning within form and there's no way out. That's a pretty good game. If you lose the attachment to form and learn the ways of vibratory planes you will start to see the way out of the unpleasant ending of biological life. The first time I tried a psychedelic I was given the knowledge of how to traverse the vibratory planes. I left my body and became the most high. I felt I was in a place of exultation, and it was so exhilarating. When I came back down into my body, I remember being dizzy, nauseous, and having to puke. My finger was tapping wildly on the floor of the jungle maloca as the Great Goddess explained to me all is vibration and schooled me in the ways of astral travel. Being so high from the experience made me eager to do it again. The next time I was sent to the hell regions and instead of being high I was so low. I experienced the classic ego death of consciousness explorers and was frightened by the possibility of losing my identity. I was being shown how attached I was to the small self and though I didn't know it at the time, astral travel requires you to give up the idea of who you think you are. You are so much greater and having an attachment to your earthly concept of identity will prevent you from exploring self and your true nature.

My consciousness journey has slowly unraveled like an onion. Like everyone else on this earth, I began from a place of being this lonely being who was trapped in a world that was not of their making. I wondered why am I here and what is this all about? Well, I progressed to the point where I wanted to explore consciousness and I was terribly naive about the avenues available for exploration. The walking foot path towards the inner sanctum through meditation didn't appeal to me. It's a strange contradiction because I'm a very patient person yet within was a desire to go fast in order to explore what I was seeking. I ended up exploring consciousness through psychoactive chemicals at the invitation of the Great Goddess, whom I had discovered in ancient Egypt. Within no time, I found her and was lifted to the highest of highs into a place of exultation. I was shown I was the divine masculine, and she was my Queen. As expected from this experience, I now saw myself as the light so when in the next journey into obfuscated consciousness I was presented with the lowest of the low and darkness, of course I objectified my dark brother as the other. To make a long story short, it took 8 years to give up the attachment to seeing myself solely as the light and objectifying the darkness as the other. I finally accepted it is all me and this integration has allowed me to proceed in the consciousness course to the path of the heart. I am a fully integrated man. I am the creator and the destroyer; the light and the dark. I am the master of transformation. I am the cause of all the suffering in the world and I can lift the whole world out of suffering.

As I enrolled in the Great Goddess' heart course, I again wondered why I objectified her? I know I'm at lesson 101 so of course I feel this way however from past experience I know I am her when seen from a non-dualistic perspective. But I'm not there yet and so though I intuit the two brothers of light and dark within and recognize them as me I don't have that feeling in regard to the feminine.

I know of the sacred triad and see myself as the coming forth of the desire between the divine masculine and divine feminine. Not only that, but I recognize I have come forth as a man in this go round on the wheel of appearances. It took me into my mid-50s to reconcile the two brothers within. I objectified my darkness as the other while identifying with the good light. Eventually, I got the lesson and vaulted past this spiritual block. I still objectify her though. The love of the Great Goddess - my mother and my heart, I still perceive as external. I know she is within, and I will find the way home when I become love. This is why I lack understanding and still objectify her.

Searching for the one is like an onion. The journey is a recursive attempt to find the fount. I keep seeing two. Duality. I look into self and see two brothers. I bring them together and declare my integrated masculine self, but I do not feel whole without a mate. I look for the feminine who makes me complete. Once I find her and recombine, then we recreate the one. I am a piece of the one. When we combine, the sexual metaphor revealed here on earth demonstrates we create another polarity of either male or female. They are a universe unto themselves and seek out a partner to continue creation. The overarching game is separation which compels you to seek wholeness. Wholeness then leads to another instance of separation. Creation continues the eternal wheel of coming and going. When the two combine into one the world stops.

Underlying the eternal nature of consciousness is three. The one within the two that defines the three. To label the paradox of the perspective states of non-duality and duality is the triad. The triad does not come forth; instead, the three is behind all that cyclically comes forth and returns. As one, we search for our mate. We are Eros, compelled to fulfill the magnetic attraction which satiates desire. The discovery of what makes you complete leads to the two becoming one. This is the grand game which spawns many little games within existence. The one comes forth from the two and the game continues on and on.

In visionary experiences, many times the Great Goddess has presented herself as the butterfly. It was hardly surprising as I pondered the question of my objectification of the divine feminine while out in the woods the next day, that the lessons from my heart continued. A butterfly floated past, and I saw within the exquisite grace and movement of the fluttering of its wings a freedom that was expressing to me the answer I was looking for. Soon, the butterfly found her mate and they were fluttering about in unison. The butterfly is the heart and the representation of the Great Goddess. I know this to be true and I saw the union of the feminine and masculine divine creating this unity that was also expressing such freedom. Butterflies glide through the ether seemingly independent of gravity or laws of thermodynamics. I saw non-attachment and I saw unity. I saw the fundamental nature of all - the union of the two powers of Goddess and God. I intuited the lesson and got the answer I was looking for. The hero's journey I travelled on was to prepare me to fight for my freedom because freedom is the power the heart needs to become whole. Without freedom, the heart will attach to everything. Masculine power gives the heart wings and allows love to flourish in freedom and love all.

The lessons of perspective are front and centre. Remember all is here and now. I know that depending on perspective you see separation or unity. I'm in a body and I'm an objectification machine therefore I see separation. I know when I drop the body and merge into the all I will be in unified bliss but will eventually long for the ice cream cone of freedom and separation in order to experience the wonders of self. What I do is sprinkle the illusion of time into this equation of perspective and project a motion path which in the future will allow me to return to wholeness. But all is here and now. Just because I feel separate doesn't mean I am not unified. It's all in how I look at it. Perspective. Everything is happening now.

It leads back to the lessons of heaven and hell and how I am responsible for creating the conditions which result in the presentation of the world. I've been conscious of world events and the suffering within this hellscape we have created. I have this innate feeling that when you drop the body you don't have a chance of going to hell because you are leaving hell. I have also seen via Huachuma and subsequently magic mushrooms that hell is what I have helped create. I can also contribute to creating heaven on earth. The maestro don Howard would tell us that you don't find heaven; you realize it. Don Howard was a Huachumero of the highest order and based on my experience with the plant, this lesson would have been drummed into his head as well. Huachuma allows you to glimpse the unity of all through the heart, if you let grandfather guide you. Don Howard was preparing students to walk the path of the heart.

So, though I project into the future a heaven of all coming together to live in bliss, the possibility exists upon earth. To change perspective is through changing vibration and witnessing the power of love enact what it is we search and long for. The power remains hidden and unlocked for most because the gateway to the heart offers you a power to manifest all desires and control your surroundings. Everyone wants that power and when you figure out you have it it's hard to give it up for what's behind door number 3. I do wish to walk the path of the heart in earnest, and I know I must walk the path without rigging the game. I must approach it of my own accord with free will.

The path of the heart is what you are left with when all else falls away. After you sift through your bullshit, drop attachments, and walk free through the hellfire of transformation is the gift of clarity. You discover who you are and why you did this. You wanted to be put to the test and still find the way back home and that path is the path of the heart. No matter where you are or how lost you have become, love will lead you back home.

hell has a gate

It was 2017 when I turned 50 that I completed the holy climb up the mountain and discovered love is the answer. It was the fifth year of my involvement with plant medicines and I knew after that trip I didn’t have to search anymore. I could be content with what I had discovered. I saw the unity within us all and that the elixir to make us come together is love. There was no certificate handed out denoting my enlightenment; however, I was aware I had the answer. At any rate, the caretakers and bestower of enlightenment frown upon the shortcut of drug use to obtain the status. It’s best to sit in meditation for a quarter century, pay obeisance to the guru, sweep up at the ashram, and hope the twin graces of wisdom and understanding descend upon you. See, even after all I have been through, I maintain my wit and sarcasm.

The importance of completing the climb up the mountain to the light is reflected in the second phase of my journey. I had a bit of a pause but decided I wanted to continue on. I’d seen the light but onwards I set sail for adventures unbeknownst to me. Really, I decided to continue on rudderless and see where this journey would take me. I guess if I really thought about it, of course I would have realized after the light once again the destination is the dark. My ship headed back into the dark. The waters were relatively calm as I headed down the river Styx towards Hades. I’m currently at the gates of hell and I know the password. I guess I’ll see you on the other side.

Become the light? Become the darkness. Becoming the light is avoidance of the darkness. The path up the mountain to become a renunciate and a holy man is the pathological outcome of all the expectations placed upon you by culture. It’s another way to reach the top of the ladder of success. Instead of the financial power game, you went for the spiritual game and now await the praise of your peers for your exemplary holiness. What a fucking crock. Just let it go already. Becoming the darkness allows you to turn towards the light and reconcile all. The masculine strives for the light. He is born in darkness; the darkness of the feminine. He takes the light of reason and discovery and creates this world of separate objects. He builds and subsequently destroys. The feminine is darkness. Within the cavern, she births new light from the non-differentiated chaos which is her essence. She is unity and love; it is light that separates and brings an end to her clinging and longing to hold her family together. The masculine spirit wants to explore and be free.

The masculine is the proprietor of the conditions which create duality and the self. The self is created by seeing differences in the environment and our fellow sentient beings. A difference is a condition. We create reality in that we can see differences or we can choose to see it all as one connected organism. To not see conditions is to just see all as is. To act unconditionally in a world you choose to see with differences is impossible; however, the striving towards this game of unconditionality is a non-starter without objectification. Unconditional love is based upon duality and can only be attempted because of the power of the masculine. The relationship of the two divine powers is contentious but ultimately, they need each other.

Nobody will find the answer because no one dares to tread the spiritual path into the basement of the soul. That’s left for the insane and the marginalized. Culture does not approve. The spiritual path is not populated by those who seek liberation from culture. Instead, they culturalize spirituality. They preach unity within the bounds of accepted dogma. I understand I have to go it alone and maintain my independence. This has to always be at the forefront of my seeking. Noted American libertarian Henry David Thoreau said, “Wherever you may seek solitude, men will ferret you out and compel you to belong to their desperate company of odd fellows.” These others desperately want you to join their enterprise in order to justify its existence. It’s a narrow path to walk in order to maintain autonomy over one’s spiritual path yet gain support in the way of friends. Life is tough without it. Recent events and the disappointment inherent in humanity has emboldened my thinking and resolve. I can count on myself, my inner guides, and as Ringo so eloquently states in Sergeant Pepper’s: “A little help from my friends."

centred

We start out in life centred with just the self, full of possibilities, and we create the higher and lower self. The higher self comes from an idealistic and utopian desire which suggests we can transcend the human and become ultra-spiritual, like it is some kind of holy game that we must play. In western culture, the church is the path for a lot of people who need to accomplish this task they have invented and subsequently must climb the ladder to heaven. For others, the church has become an oppressive game and hard to swallow; especially in today’s climate of science and reason. There are also the eclectic and eastern mysteries to spiritually one up the masses, everyone loves the one up game for the rush it brings to ego; alternatively for the atheistic among us are ways to become metaphysical such as being spiritual but not religious. There is even a term for it, SBNR, and the two factions engage in criticism of each other. A simple internet search will get you a front row seat to the accusations hurled at each camp. One is coined lazy and the other dogmatic. Humans are pretty special creatures; always doubling down on their chosen identities! Science has declared god is dead but still wants in the game. We have the current high priest of rational atheism and its revered saints of yesteryear. Science is the idol on which the faith, err I mean the logic, exists. These are all games; more high brow and nuanced versions of the childhood games we played such as cops and robbers or various modern cosplay scenarios. It’s serious and sometimes the fate of your soul rests in the balance which gives it the juice to take over your existence and morph into the meaning of life. Christians have just the one shot at the salvation of the soul! That’s deadly serious. Those who are not playing this game shake their heads in amazement without realizing the cultural and psychological underpinnings and consequences of this mass behaviour. We all need a game or to put it in more polite terms that isn't as condescending: We all need a purpose.

On the other hand, we create the lower self as well. Whatever behaviours or desires we want to explore from cradle to grave, which we are told are culturally taboo or not allowed, are buried. These behaviours go into the hidden closet. A closet that contains no light and therefore these questionable behaviours go dark. They can only come out of the closet when no one or society isn’t looking. We create such a barrier to our dark side which if discovered if can be mortifying for the individual whose lifelong project is laid bare. It’s almost as if we are to have a place we keep things that makes us tick which are reserved for only our purview. In a way, these desires animate our existence as much as the acceptable behaviours we present to the public at large. Oh yeah he loves sports; spends all his free time either playing or watching sports! Let’s face it, though this may be true to an extant, we all have things we love or desire that no knows about or if they do, they are people not involved directly in our lives.

So, that’s the situation at hand. Everything originally radiates from the centre as the self and we create and enable the quest for enlightenment or the descent into hell. Heading full on to either path will bury the other, which is interesting. They are equal on the scale of psychosis. The religious nut though gets a pass. Has anyone ever gone on the ultra-spiritual trip and left it buried? By this, I mean all who quest to become holy make damn well sure everyone knows about it. From what I gather, the primary undertaking of one who does this is to present themselves by actions, dress, and behaviour as now being of the holy crowd. Evangelizing is a normal human trait and for those who are part of an exclusive club there are created ways to let others know you are part of their club. Therefore, I think by definition one who seeks the light lays their amazingness cards out on the table for all to see and basks in the recognition of who they have become; darkness be damned. And the darkness is damned! It becomes the hell region for all the sinners and those who don’t play your game.

I don’t know what the result is of one who heads down the path of darkness. Well, in a way I kind of do. I believe it leads to depravity, insanity, and chaos. The examples are all around us and we define it as pathology and not part of the human condition. We are loathe to accept it as normal. Doesn’t this just continue to perpetuate the madness? Aren’t they as sick as the ultra-spiritual among us? Granted, they do cause much more damage to society. It wasn’t always that way as the crusades, inquisitions, accusations of being an infidel, trials and burnings, and religious wars attest. I would think as a remedy to our proclivity towards both paths which leads to aberrant behaviour we need to integrate all into the human experience and allow the darkness to come out and mix with the light. My ideal of an open and loving society would be inclusive of the whole human condition and celebrate it all. This means bringing the uncomfortable out into the open and recognizing and saying yes and that too. To reconcile all, instead of creating a divide of the holy and the damned, the righteous and the depraved.

The world at large is an accurate reflection of who we are as a species. An apt comparison is the stock market. You may think it is irrational but the market is never wrong. When you realize and accept the paradox of life, it’s time to let a little light in on the dark and conversely take a little shine off the light. Bring everything back to the centre; integrated and reconciled.