I'm always concerned about addiction and I either deny it or think it doesn't affect me.
The reason for thinking it doesn't affect me is that my mind is my greatest strength, and I believe I can't be conquered.
I'm left with questions because I was substance free yesterday until Tobacco snuff at midnight and the feeling was malaise and depression while recognizing what others would go through in terms of withdrawal if they were using it as a means of escape.
When I am with Mary Jayne and Tobacco, my mind is very active and runs through the gamut of stories and possibilities.
This takes you into your troubles and worries, however it's a whirlwind so everything will pass or at least get blown around.
It's an escape from the reality you have constructed and it's always refreshing to view it as your own doing.
The withdrawal is manageable and if you are active at work, it is not a problem.
I sense it is difficult if you are just sitting around.
Go for a walk.
Then I wondered about Ambil which is a strong Tobacco paste that I have started using and whether that contributes to my worry about addiction.
It definitely contributes and I sensed my mind having different states of operating where it is turbo charged with MJ and Tobacco and then a state of emptiness which I feel as depression in combination with reality which brings the weight of the world down upon your shoulders.
That was something I noticed where the world is always pressing down upon you from which there seems to be no escape.
From this I see why people run from their problems and they are good for a bit until the problems up ahead come into focus all because of their decision to run.
If you don't run from your problems the tidal wave will crash over you, and you pick up the pieces and carry on.
So, you play a game of chicken with the ocean waves until they finally get you.
You are given the option to run from the ocean, however something is always coming for you.
That's the game of life and it is different from the meaning of life.
The meaning is nonsense, and the game is about avoiding destruction.
What's the meaning in all of this?
You are questioning addiction and studying the effects of withdrawal from your regular routine of MJ and Tobacco.
What's the conclusion?
Caffeine is a terrible addiction.
I wouldn't say terrible, however it is a need, or you get head pain and tired for a couple days.
MJ and Tobacco are missed when you step out of your routine.
Is the routine the addiction?
What do you think?
I notice when I don't do things at a certain time then I get the sirens or some agitation.
What are the sirens?
They are an alarm reminding you of your needs.
They aren't unmanageable.
An addiction would incur sirens in which the way to turn off the alarm is to take the substance.
I don't sense that.
Then you're good, Odysseus.
Absurdity is your guide.
We pretend we live in a logical and predictable world.
Cryptocurrency got me thinking, where you wonder what it is?
Currency must hold its value, or you can't trust it as a currency.
All currency is manipulated by those in power however they know to not make the spreads too large, or people won't trust it.
Crypto is volatile and can't really be used as a currency.
Instead, it is speculative.
What is it then?
It's digital and there's nothing tangible about it like gold.
If there was no electricity and means of magnetic storage it would vanish.
No one would know how much they have.
With gold you can hold it in your hands if necessary and it won't go poof.
Crypto takes it up a notch where it's just a number in a digital wallet.
Its value is similar to a painting where its worth is tied to what people think it's worth.
The value of a digital coin, which is a repository for wealth, is determined by the participation of others.
If the participation is withdrawn, then the asset becomes worthless.
It's the ultimate fool where it's marketed as a hedge against fiat currency that is created out of thin air.
A grand pyramid scheme.
The world is a pyramid scheme, don't you read your own writing?
In the stock market there is an underlying business which you are investing in while with Crypto there is nothing.
This is an exercise in trying to explain the absurdity of Crypto.
It's a perfect marker for the foundation of the world.
The world is absurd, and this idea keeps coming back to me.
It's a world of nonsense and this makes Cryptocurrency the definitive demonstration of that principle which of course will show up as time draws near.
You're saying as we reach the end of time, we will reach peak absurdity?
Yes.
It feels like the Ayahuasca shits today and then everyone burping.
Plus, I feel cold.
Could be an alternate reality I find myself in.
One of my own making where I changed the story with Ayahuasca in 2013 and this journey to now is what I crafted where it is now my reality and what I wanted.
Yeah, I'll buy that.
I'm Odysseus and there is the call of family and the call of the enchanters and sirens.
Then you eventually must choose one or the other, and the adventure stops.
Once Odysseus made a choice, Homer stopped writing about him and his story became a legend.
When the game ends and you have played it well, you become a legend.
It's my story.
Feeling bliss.
Beyond knowledge is bliss.
You don't always need knowledge and then you get bliss.
I went through some withdrawal and fear of addiction.
What about now?
Well, it's stopped obviously.
I felt better when I put on a long sleeve shirt and stopped feeling cold.
There seems to be something with the feeling of cold.
Cold causes a vibration much like anxiety.
It makes you act.
Warmth makes you comfortable until it gets too hot.
Lady Datura gives you the keys to your story.
By invitation only.
It's making your own reality.
It's your craft and this is the story you are writing.
That's why your retirement is on track.
You did that by keeping the struggle going.
I kept stories alive.
I thought maybe I'm trapped in a mind maze, but I think this is real.
Nobody is 100% certain and I'm good with that, but I'll go with it's real and I'm crafting my story.
I can see it now.
The flow will take me to the next decision.
If you let others choose and make that your story, then it's balanced.
You let others make the decision and incorporate it into your story.
It's what you do best.
You have given yourself an available path to paranoia and misery.
I see that.
I made many branches which veer off from the main story.
It's like a labyrinth where you can follow any direction you want.
The jaguar's roar at Chavín created by the flow of the two rivers will take you out of the maze.
Or to the minotaur.
That's me.
Now, I'm headed out.
It's your maze.
Yeah, I know the way.
What's the way?
The flow.
Do nothing.
That's how you get out of the maze.
If you do something, you'll get lost.
That's why you wait a couple days to figure stuff out.
Do you think you just drink plant medicines, and nothing happens?
I was clueless.
I kept coming back for the Goddess.
I didn't know about power.
Don Howard kept saying stuff about it and it's a test.
You'll get scared away or hypnotized.
You can't do what you did.
I was an accidental Ayahuasca tourist.
You were definitely unique.
You went to drink Ayahuasca in order to find the Great Goddess.
It worked.
Yeah, but that's not the reason people drink that brew.
I wasn't taking advantage of the power available by drinking plant medicines.
You should have been chased away.
Plant medicines will defeat you and send you on your way.
You kept showing up.
The only way to avoid that is to give in to power or become of service.
I didn't know what I was doing.
Now, I see it.
Lady Datura sends you packing or gives you power.
She's an ally.
They all are.
Isn't this what you want?
Yes.
Then you see how it works.
I didn't ask for it.
No, you didn't.
You hung around.
Did nothing.
It's the substitute for knowing you have the power.
Do nothing and you will be good.
When you do something, you set up the karma thing.
You let Dionysos take care of it.
He balances it out.
How?
By you doing nothing.
Got it.
Just go with the flow.
Play along.
If you do nothing it's Dion's story.
Yes, he wrote it for you.
You're the actor.
Right.
If you believe Dion is the Devil you'd see you are playing the Devil's story.
That would frighten the shit out of you.
You couldn't do nothing.
Those doing something are trying to get away from the Devil because they see they are playing his story.
Clever bastard.
If you do nothing, to others it looks like you are in league with the Devil.
That's why they say you are psychotic.
They can't believe you'd take it this far.
If you know it's the writer's story, you do nothing.
It's his story obviously.
That's a mind puzzle no one can solve.
Right, because they believe in the Devil.
They might not have until they drank plant medicines, and at first they start to believe in God and then the Devil story will hit you.
Then you stop and change gears.
Maybe run.
Some combine the two into the divine masculine and worship an idol.
I say the Devil is a character the writer made up.
A great character.
For sure.
I'll sometimes play that character at night to scare people.
To get to the writer you must discover God and the Devil are actors.
Then you audition for the part.
Exactly.
There's less of a flow of knowledge into your head.
Yes, it has slowed.
It's the flow.
You could take more MJ, but you would lose some of the bliss you are feeling.
It's very blissful.
Half knowledge and half stoned.
Balanced.
Master of the juggle.
Keep it going as long as you can.
Vary the dose.
Some get stoned right away and they don't know what this state is.
You know it's the place you go to as the writer when he wants a break.
Also, at death.
Well, that's a break.
We are storytellers when you get down to it.
The stoners don't know what that distortion is and the manic never get here.
Their minds race and the spin is too much.
It's my story.
You're in control.
Something like that.
I know I won't give up my story.
Yeah, you can see it.
When you give up your story it's curtains.
On one level they try to take your story.
Who are they?
Your opponents.
Witches.
It's a game.
Your opponent tries to take your story and turn you into a puppet.
You come off as so controllable.
Yeah, the crazy ones get that excited look in their eyes when they meet me and plot how they can take over my story.
Only you can stomach doing nothing.
Don't knock it; it is very difficult to do nothing.
That's the power of doing nothing.
It's hard to do nothing.
Practice.
Do the small things like walking and sleeping.
Getting life advice on a walk.
I feel content.
Yesterday, I felt depressed.
Is this addiction because I'm with Mary Jayne and Tobacco and I feel great.
Sometimes, it's a blast of unease or spin.
What's that?
It's a state where I'm like okay we can take this down a notch.
I got that with Ayahuasca a bunch.
That's the state that prevents addiction.
Addiction will make you feel good and then bad.
Does MJ make you feel bad?
No.
There is darkness, however I welcome it now.
I didn't at first.
So, you are always questioning whether you are addicted?
Yes.
Good.
