paradise lost

As you get older and know what you like, then happiness is possible.

I think you have always realized what you value; however, the pressure to conform has prevented you from fulfilling your desires.

A lot of times your desires are pretty simple and mundane, such as wanting to be left alone, so you can sit in a back room and write or go for a walk in the woods by yourself.

Yeah, it doesn't take much.

Being part of the community or feeling the need to be social, rips that away from you.

I know it's strange.

Obligations subtract from happiness.

Family obligations are the number one culprit.

Casual friends and acquaintances you can skip out on.

Work is more difficult; however, you get vacation and sick days to look forward to as an escape.

You learn that you need to perform a function to unlock rewards in society which you can trade for happiness.

Nobody does.

Yeah, they just make it worse.

They trade their rewards for more obligations.

They might get a week abroad at a resort and that's about it.

That's their only escape for the year.

Most people don't even realize it.

They are too hypnotized by the culture game, making appearances, and trying to get ahead.

I just want to be left alone.

What do you think about love?

It's a belief.

Ram Dass teaches a mantra to hypnotize you into that belief.

"I am loving awareness."

It's really good.

Why?

Because it isn't necessarily real.

It's a belief.

If you want to believe in something, believe in belief.

Not love.

Yeah, but love is what some spiritual traditions teach.

Yes, it's a good hit of dopamine and keeps the spiritual community together.

The community is the bond and love is the glue.

It's a game.

What about other love?

Who do you love?

Well, you are supposed to love your family.

Why?

Happenstance.

Expectation.

They provide for you.

Take care of you.

That's part of the whole caring scene where you need a network of people to care about you and in return you provide support.

It's conditional.

Isn't family support and love unconditional?

It can seem that way.

So, you don't think it is?

I think it is the top level of the conditional support reciprocal arrangement.

So, it's reciprocal.

Yeah.

You give and take.

That's life.

Why do you believe in unconditional love?

I don't know; it sounds high and mighty.

You have found it.

It's friendship.

It's uncaring love.

It fits into your religion of Paul.

So, you rank love below belief and trust?

I don't think it is part of that group.

Why not?

Belief gives meaning to this story that has no meaning.

You manufacture beliefs.

Trust is a very hard game to win.

There is a game of power you can play.

You must trust the other.

Why?

You give them your power, and they give it back to you.

If you don't trust them, they will keep it.

Why?

You lack trust.

They can't trust you.

I see how that works.

So, those are the two biggies.

Is there a third?

Yeah, it's okay to cheat if you don't get caught.

Why?

Nobody knows except you.

Doesn't that violate trust?

No, you don't get caught.

The understanding is that nobody is really trustworthy.

So, it's all a fool.

Sort of.

You still share power.

If you can be trusted to share power, the other stuff doesn't matter.

So, love isn't part of this?

What is love?

A feeling.

Why do you have that feeling of love?

It's something to do with being selfish where you can take the self-important need to care for yourself and transfer it onto another.

That's not bad.

It's part of the teachings of Ram Dass where he told you that you put your love in someone else.

You take your heart and give it to another so you can worship it.

You are worshipping the concept of love and not the other person.

You can take it back from them.

Withdraw your love.

That sounds a little cold.

Something to think about.

I got right to the edge of the worst decision of my life.

That was your rock cliff to jump off.

It was a mental cliff.

How did you survive?

I did nothing and it went away.

I sit here years later in the forest having a smoke.

Funny how life turns out.

That path led to perdition, and you escaped by doing nothing.

It was painful.

The correct path of nothing can sometimes lead to temporary pain.

In the long run, it's a winner.

You are happy and at peace.

Yeah, it's nice.

You got what you were looking for.

If you go against the teachings of the Tao, you will not find what you are looking for.

Do you see how impossible it is?

Yeah, we are programmed to do something.

That leads you on a path to not necessarily destruction but unfulfillment of the reasons you incarnated.

You could even be happy.

Well, you'd be happy as long as you remain ignorant of what could have been.

It will always gnaw away at you as you fulfill the latest obligations you have trapped yourself in.

You know you have the answers.

There's nothing gnawing away at you.

It's the opposite where you are fulfilled.

If this was it, would you be fulfilled?

Yeah, I found what I was looking for.

What do you think?

It's pretty funny.

Amazing.

Do you think people will believe you when you tell them about it?

No.

Why?

They are serious.

Everything is serious.

Life is serious.

It ends in a wooden box that you try to delay as long as possible.

When they bury you, it doesn't seem serious anymore.

We make it serious.

You need to be saved.

Prepare for your afterlife.

What's the worst thing you can do?

Prepare for your afterlife.

Why?

You will take it seriously.

When you drop the body, don't do anything.

Everyone does something.

Yeah, they head for the white light.

What's the white light?

Heaven or similar.

Isn't that where they want to go?

Yes.

Then why avoid it?

It's not what they think.

Why not?

It's a dreadful place.

Full of rules and non-stop worship of God.

They don't like the alternative, so they choose that one.

What about the paradise of the Elysium fields?

It's a perfect place of bliss and happiness.

What have you been taught about that?

It's utopia.

Nothing happens.

Why?

You are hypnotized into a state of bliss.

Sounds nice.

How did you feel before awakening?

I knew something was off.

It gnaws away at you until you embark on an adventure to figure it out.

Exactly.

Paradise is populated by people trying to figure it out.

Aren't they blissed out?

No, they awaken in paradise.

Kind of like Adam and Eve?

Yeah, they were given paradise.

Eve ate a metaphorical apple and awakened.

So, Eve was the first to awaken.

Yes, and then she woke up Adam.

Once awakened paradise was lost.

Well, what about now when people awaken?

Paradise was already lost.

That awakening allows you to see there is more than the daily toil of earthly existence.

You see a purpose.

What's the purpose?

A higher calling.

What is it?

Paradise.

You are trying to return to paradise.

Sounds like the Old Testament story of the Israelites returning to the land of milk and honey.

Yeah, that's it.

They want to go back to sleep.

Milk and honey is a euphemism for bliss.

This is good bible study.

So, the process is awakening and then trying to go back to sleep.

Yes, religion and spirituality puts you back to sleep.

Join up with one of these groups and off you go.

Nighty, night.

That's where the second awakening as described in the canons of Paulism comes in.

Right.

The second awakening is that you see the trap of spiritual outfits.

It doesn't even matter if you avoid the culturally approved church and join some spiritual misfits.

The goal is to put you back to sleep.

So, there are three awakenings.

Yes, three.

Of course.

We don't experience the first.

That was Eve and then Adam.

We are born into that world.

We can then spiritually awaken.

If that happens, it is required by society that you immediately join something and go back to sleep.

Why?

You are a menace.

Yes, that's me.

I didn't join anything.

I did nothing.

Then I hit the third awakening.

Yes, the third awakening is the big one.

You see the carnival in all its strangeness.

Has anyone ever been here?

They got to the gate.

What happened?

They became the religion they avoided.

Larger than life.

Huge ego.

They are the ones who establish new movements.

Like Paulism?

Precisely.

That's what happens to someone who gets this far.

What's the result?

The power corrupts them.

Why?

Followers and a sense of self-importance.

They take it seriously.

They go back to sleep in their feeling of self-importance.

They forget it is just a ride at the carnival.

Do you think you will ever do that?

No.

Why not?

I don't take it seriously.

It's real though.

Yeah, but it's a carnival.

You can't take a carnival seriously.

Why?

It's no longer fun.

It would close down.

What do these people do then because they have seen the absurdity of it?

They forget about it.

If you forget it is a carnival, you go back to sleep.

Why?

You take it seriously.

Seriousness puts you back to sleep.

Or milk and honey.

Got it.

Women put you to sleep as well.

Yeah, have you ever seen a mother with her newborn?

That's the main thing they do.

Rock the baby to sleep after milk.

They do that with everyone.

They are agents of the Goddess at her carnival, making sure you remain asleep.

If you start to wake up, she puts you back to sleep.

Why does she do that?

You will leave the carnival.

Why?

No one stays at a carnival they wake up in and treat seriously.

So, that's the deal?

It's the expectation.

The only way to wake up, see the carnival, and remain is to not take it seriously.

Yeah, so she will always try to either put you to sleep or get you to leave.

Or both.

Exactly.

What should I do?

Nothing.

Will that work?

Yes.

Why?

If you don't participate in her games, then you can't get hypnotized.

She can't force you to leave.

Why not?

How would she do that?

Make my life difficult.

What's the answer?

Do nothing.

my illusion

Thinking about the body and realizing in a body you spend most of your time caring for your body.

When you incarnate into a body you are tasked with maintaining physical life through the body.

My view of the body is that it is your vehicle for this ride and for some reason I finally noticed that you spend an inordinate amount of time on the body.

Food, shelter, and maintenance.

Cleaning the body.

Decking it out in the latest fashion.

As you age the parts get worn and torn.

Teeth are a big one.

The eyes start to go.

You develop sexual dysfunction.

My knees hurt.

I get up in the morning and take care of the body's need to pee and then make coffee to kick start my day.

Then I must eat or I will feel terrible.

I will then lie down in the afternoon for a little rest.

I go for a walk to stay active.

Eat again.

Sleep.

When not tasked with some core bodily responsibility, I will engage in pursuits of the mind.

From this perspective, I start to wonder in regard to not having a body.

Freedom for the mind seems to be such a relief.

I can spend all my time lost in my mind.

When you think of it that way, death is viewed as liberation.

Well, why would anyone want life in a body?

Novelty and a chance to physically experience what can only be thought of with your mind.

Your mind will pull you towards physical manifestation.

It's a lot of work.

It's not that long and you are out.

We have a tendency to cling to the body.

It's understandable because we don't know what is beyond the body.

It's a guess.

In your case you have reasoned it out, but you don't know.

Do you think you will ever know?

Not 100%.

I have lost the ability to remember what it is like without a body.

Why do you think that is?

Because when times get tough, you'd kill yourself.

There would be a pandemic of suicide.

So many people would check out.

Why?

Life is hard and can fill you with despair.

You need family and friends to help you through it along with community.

Yes, but those institutions prevent you from seeing through your incarnation.

You get lost in your life.

Yeah, it's quite the game.

The pull towards the amusement park of Maya should come with a warning.

You seem pretty sure about the nature of this illusion.

It's seriously fucked up.

What do you mean?

It's well crafted, so for the most part you have no idea about it.

The fucked up part is when you start to see through it, strange things start to happen that defy expectations and the logic you pin upon the physical reality we live in.

I've seen through it.

Why don't you leave?

It's because I know what a struggle life is, and I want to now go through this incarnation with the blinders off.

I want to see how this all works and write about it.

Wouldn't that set off alarm bells at the carnival?

Yeah, they want you gone once you figure it out because you are dangerous to the wellbeing of others in that you'll give away the show.

Outfits such as Hinduism will give you clues to what it is you seek.

They steer you towards Maya, illusion, and your nature.

Somebody knew the game and encoded it into their way of life.

To not destroy society, they emphasized stages of life where it is acceptable to start seeing through the veil.

Once you are old and retired you are encouraged to enter the forest and get an idea of the game.

Vanaprastha.

By that time, it's safe to allow you that knowledge.

Plus, when you are younger you are too ensconced in the game to want to figure it out.

It seems tragic for some who figure it out and then must leave the game early.

Why don't you become a Hindu or Buddhist?

Those systems are cultural and designed to hold society together.

They are ways of life which withhold the truth until you get older because if you understood the teachings when you were younger you wouldn't play the game of life.

They divide your life into stages.

In Hinduism they assign you a caste.

Yes, because society needs to be orderly and continue to function.

They took the ability to shepherd like-minded people into a way of life and designed a system which honours your incarnation, and you fulfill a role in society which then allows those who come after you to experience what you had the opportunity to experience.

You pay it forward.

So, you are saying what I'm doing would be frowned upon?

Yes, you woke up and are letting others know what the illusion is.

Yeah, but nobody listens to me or reads my writing.

You have quite the game going on.

Is what I am doing wrong?

No, I could argue it's necessary.

Why?

The illusion has run its course.

Humanity has devolved into societies run by greed and oppression.

Awakening to Maya could end the project or have the opposite effect where we come together in a shared experience for all.

Well, for that to work you'd have to convince people of the illusory nature of reality.

You think you can do that?

No.

I'm examining death where you see the white light and the two goddesses.

The illusion you see through at death.

Briefly.

Then you're off.

In the case of the religious, it's Heaven.

Yes, and they forget about the goddesses.

Like the brain surgeon who wrote a book called "Proof of Heaven" with the Goddess and butterflies.

She isn't always a serpent.

She has many different forms.

She showed me.

You see her and then forget.

Why?

She hypnotizes you.

The brain surgeon wrote about her and then didn't mention her again.

He ended up in church.

I am not sure you blame him.

His mind was returned to his body, and he forgot about the Goddess.

You remember her at birth and death.

Forget about her the rest of the time.

Why?

The illusion.

She's the illusion.

You forget the illusion.

Why was she worshipped before?

She was honoured and people believed in magic.

Then we became rational and didn't like the idea of the Goddess.

Why?

She reminds us it's an illusion and about our impending death.

We wanted to think this is reality and not think about having to leave.

The Goddess would prepare you for death.

You will see through the illusion and leave.

She softens the experience.

I have seen through it and I'm still here.

You should be gone.

How did you do it?

I worshipped her.

There was no reason to, I was drawn to her.

I looked for her.

I found her.

I worshipped her.

The illusion is a gift to her children.

Why the illusion?

To play.

Who are her children?

Characters in the story.

Everyone is born from the mother.

They are her ideas.

The writer makes them come alive.

How?

He writes the story.

Action.

After birth you see her again at death.

In between you play.

Don't get stressed out.

Remember to play until she calls you home.

She will drop you in the next illusion.

No, she won't.

You do it to yourself.

You are hypnotized because you allow it.

Yeah, but you are not supposed to be in the carnival without being asleep.

She snaps you out of it when it's time to go.

She didn't snap me out of it.

You did it on your own.

She still comes for you.

It's part of the program.

It's fascinating.

The Red Lady.

Serpents.

White lights.

Witches.

Thoughts of it being time to go.

People telling you to leave.

They go overboard when you don't leave.

You fucked up the program.

I'm playing along.

It's a hard game.

It's challenging and fun.

I always play to win.

If you don't care, why not reveal it all?

Expose yourself.

Because that's a crushing defeat and you must leave.

My strategy is to keep playing.

No one can understand you.

People aren't ready for your knowledge.

They will not understand.

My blogspot is a 12 year gradual exploration of consciousness and then I go off the deep end.

In 2015 with Huachuma you were left wondering what is this?

You mean when I was vibrating like crazy.

I didn't have much of a clue about what was happening.

I had knowledge and no understanding.

I figured it out 10 years later.

You could have easily died, heart attack, dehydration.

How do you know you're not dead?

If I died, would I continue my life?

Yes.

That's how you do it.

That's how you keep playing.

Everyone leaves for someplace.

You leave and respawn in the same spot.

Why?

You do nothing.

So, I did die.

Obviously.

If you do nothing and don't leave, you're good.

You can stick around.

What if I don't want to stick around?

Wait for the illusion to dissipate.

Wouldn't that have happened then at Heaven's Gate?

No, that was a sacrifice to get rid of you.

Why?

You have the power.

What?

Something about eternal life.

Yeah, you just do nothing at death.

Okay, say you died, and your mind is fooling you.

Then it tricks you into thinking the Goddess causes the illusion, but it is you creating the illusion.

Why would I do it?

So, you can create your own world.

You can.

You grab the ring and write.

I could make my own story right now.

Aren't you?

No.

How do you know?

These mosquitoes are pissing me off right now while I'm trying to write this down.

You see through it.

It's not my story.

There are no mosquitoes in the woods in the summer in my story.

Are you sure?

Yes, I have contemplated using magic twice now to get rid of them.

Mosquitoes help me see her illusion.

They are bad today for some reason.

Lesson plan.

I walk up here because the mosquitoes are really bad at the river.

What about Jack?

What about him?

Would he be in your story?

No.

Why?

He wants power.

Plus, I wouldn't need him in my story.

Why?

I would have no need for his magic beans.

True.

So, you need Jack.

Yes, he reminds you it isn't your story.

You are not lost in your mind.

Ah, clever.

It's Jack and mosquitoes.

In a world without them, you know it is your mind playing a trick on you.

I trust Dion, so that's the third clue.

Jack, mosquitoes, and trust.

Do you think that's unconditional love?

Yes, it's trust.

You are making me cry.

If there are no mosquitoes in summer, it's your illusion after an NDE.

If I had died and created my own illusion I wouldn't have sentenced myself to twenty years on the GO Train.

That's true.

That was my punishment for sure.

I went deep into this path because of that train.

They do want to get rid of you.

Who does?

Everyone.

They all have a motive.

Yeah, they do.

They all want you to go.

Leave your worldly possessions behind.

They take what is theirs.

Like an inheritance?

Yes.

They also don't like you talking about God.

Why?

You don't deserve that title.

Why not?

You are not worthy.

Not true, God is mediocre as I discovered.

I'm perfect for the role.

So much potential and I remain mediocre.

Yeah, you're a natural.

Those people want you to go because you are not worthy of worship.

They have a strange view of God where they think they must worship him.

That's true in all of society where we worship our idols.

They have done something outstanding or something that will get them remembered such as being a martyr.

Then we venerate these people.

You, on the other hand, are not worthy of worship.

I beat the game though and got the high score.

Nobody knows that, therefore you wallow in anonymity and mediocrity.

I'm not mediocre.

Yeah, they know.

When you exert yourself, you come out on top.

You met Jesus.

Yeah.

Isn't that a sign you are in your own separate reality?

I was at that time.

Datura.

Right.

It wore off.

Why would you meet Jesus?

Because you need help.

What's that?

You were waking up, so Jesus would shepherd you through the process and get you into Heaven.

Yes, Jesus keeps you in the illusion.

Correct.

That was a clue to your awakening.

You see Jesus and he says not so fast.

Come join my flock and I'll grant you eternal life.

His eternal life is an illusion.

Yes, you don't want that.

It's not a fun eternal life.

Heaven as I have told you is boring, you must worship God all the time, the people with you are intolerable and no fun.

Fun is sinful.

I've noticed.

There's no fun in Heaven.

If you are awakening, stay away from Jesus.

He's poison.

How come you stayed away from him?

I acknowledged him, but I was pursuing the Great Goddess.

No one gets past that Jesus trick.

Yeah, that's a good one.

You see him, shake his hand, and join up.

I didn't do anything.

Yeah, you're special.

I wrote about it.

You're ridiculous.

Jesus knew you were going for the high score in the get to God game.

He tried to stop you.

Are witches an illusion you find at the carnival?

Yes.

So, they aren't real?

They are characters from the Goddess.

So, I'm an illusion?

You mean Paul?

Yes.

Sort of.

You were born into the illusion and became real.

You needed Dion to do it.

All men do.

Look at it another way.

How would Dion know he is in the Goddess' illusion?

Through Paul or something similar.

Yes, so is Dion an illusion?

By my definition, yes.

You need each other.

But Paul is only here because of Dion.

The opposite is also true.

It's not either or.

Without being recognized, Dion wouldn't exist in the illusion.

Why?

No one would know about him.

I know about you.

Yes, that's why I'm with you.

It's called awakening.

It takes a sharp mind to see this.

It's very clever.

love is freedom

At my Mesa last night, I finally understood Ram Dass' mantra, "I am loving awareness."

Oh yeah, do tell.

Well, since you asked, it is about becoming a conduit for love.

Why is that necessary?

I noticed that love doesn't really exist, or it seems to be rare in this world.

People go around saying they love each other, but the truth is they are using each other.

It sounds crass, but I deduced that the love we refer to is a structure built upon a network of caring for each other.

Now, I know this sounds kind of crazy, so bear with me.

Caring is necessary in order to get others to love you.

The default state is to not care about other people, however, when you practice this, it turns out no one will care about you.

This leads to a lack of love in your life because our concept of love involves caring.

The twisted part of this love is that it is selfish because you only care for other people in order to receive a care package in return.

The motivating factor in caring about other people is that you want something from them.

What you want is for them to care about you.

Why don't you just play that game?

I can't.

Why not?

It's a lie.

Why?

I don't care about others.

Well, then no one will care about you.

I asked the Great Goddess a long time ago about unconditional love.

I don't think we are ready to know about unconditional love.

Why?

No one practices it.

Unconditional love is loving though you don't care.

There are no conditions.

Do you see that anywhere?

No.

Can you love someone even if they hurt you?

That's tough.

A dog loves you when you feed and walk them.

You love your dogs for their companionship.

It's conditional.

If you fed your dog and then it took off, would you still love your dog?

I'd care about their wellbeing and keep feeding them.

Yeah, you'd care.

I already don't care enough in my life.

How is that working out for you?

It's the secret sauce to life.

Don't care and do nothing.

Yes, but it leads to a lack of love and no friends.

I see that.

I don't feel used.

I don't have anyone I can call on in a time of need.

You are a special case.

You don't even use free government services or work benefits.

Why don't you?

It's a master slave relationship.

So, you want to be the master like with your dogs?

No.

I want them to be free.

I never treated my dogs that way in terms of being their master.

I let Brindle roam.

She was free to do whatever she wanted.

I had to keep Luna on a leash or corralled around the house because she was nuts.

In the woods, I let her run.

I took her every day into the woods and just let her loose.

I remember when I first did it and let her free.

She loved it.

So, you can see it, right?

Love is freedom.

Freedom is an unconditional gift.

You can do whatever you want with it.

There are no attachments.

In this lesson plan, where have you learned there are no attachments?

In Hell.

If you have a lot of attachments, you end up in Hell.

Why?

You burn them in the fire.

That's what the fires of Hell are for.

You throw all your worldly attachments into the fire, and you are free.

No one is attached to going to Hell.

Everyone is attached to going to Heaven.

It's very funny.

You shed your worldly attachments and ascend to Heaven, the biggest attachment on the go.

Okay, you nutter, you are saying in Hell is where you find freedom and will discover how to love unconditionally.

Yes, it's a shit show in Hell because no one cares and is doing whatever they want.

That extreme doesn't work.

So, you can't love unconditionally because it leads to a hellscape?

It appears to be so.

However, if you wish to learn to love unconditionally, Hell is a great place to start.

I think there is merit to that suggestion, however I'm trying to find unconditional love on earth.

There is only one way.

What's the way?

I am loving awareness.

You love everything you are aware of.

The best part of the mantra is you repeat it over and over again and you don't know what it is, but it sounds like a good thing.

When you are ready, you get the lesson.

It's a difficult lesson.

It's a lonely life if you don't care.

Do you think you can love unconditionally?

Yes.

Why do you think that?

Because I couldn't have had this adventure without everyone else.

Without them, there is no adventure.

So, the condition is you need them to have this adventure?

No, I didn't ask them.

No one here on earth is here because of a condition.

We all showed up on this voyage of the damned out of our own free will.

We had freedom and we chose this earth adventure.

I can love all because they are part of my adventure though they had no intention of helping me out.

You are one clever motherfucker.

therapy

Nobody does anything for me.

Part of that is by design.

You don't like it.

Yes, but I have noticed no one does anything for me.

Name one thing someone does for you?

I can't.

It's why people like you around.

You don't ask for anything.

You don't want anything from them.

You give and get nothing in return.

Isn't that out of balance?

No, they are both extremes and thus balance.

Do you want something in return?

Maybe once in a while.

An acknowledgement.

It's not love, it's transactional.

Are you loving?

No.

Do you feel love returned?

No.

If you were more loving, you would get more in return.

What does that entail?

You are giving.

Money and time.

People want you to show up.

Why?

They want to know you care.

Do people care?

They want others to care about them.

They must care for others, or no one will care for them.

It's reciprocal.

So, they don't love each other, it's a practical thing to have a community of friends and family for when you need them.

Yes, and they call on you.

Oh.

You thought people just loved each other.

Yes.

You thought you lacked that ability.

You lack the ability to ask others for stuff.

Well, thanks doctor.

So, love doesn't exist?

It does, but it's rare.

Romantic love is everywhere, but we know that is toxic.

Unconditional love is not expecting something in return.

Human relationships involve expecting something in return.

I thought I was incapable of love, and it turns out I just don't ask people to do stuff for me.

That's why you don't fit in.

The herd wants you to go.

I've noticed.

What are you going to do?

Ignore them.

Why?

They are unreasonable.

They want you to join their group so they can ask you to do stuff.

Conform to their wishes.

I see that.

It's not going to happen.

Why?

I don't like people in general.

I like dogs.

You feed and walk them, and they love you.

It's simple.

Dogs know how to give back.

Humans don't.

They will look for an advantage.

The things no friends really want to do are outsourced.

Yes, to Uber and all those things that you pay for a service.

Humans do stuff if they get paid.

It motivates them.

This community thing is trying to get people to do stuff for free.

The ones who are big in the community will look to take advantage of it.

They will get you to do stuff and try to profit off it.

Like politicians?

Yes.

It's a pyramid scheme where you give to the ones at the top.

Sometimes I play therapist for my other half.

Without asking.

I just do it.

I know when it's needed.

People need friends.

Why?

They need people at their funeral.

Wedding.

That's how they cash in at death.

They see how many they can get to their funeral.

Your dad said they need to rent an arena for his funeral.

Fuck, I can see this as a major motivating factor for a lot of people.

You're worried about death and you manifest that worry by trying to get as many people to come to your funeral as possible.

You think you will be remembered and get eternal life that way.

What about you?

I'm on a path where no one will come to my funeral except maybe my kids.

Why?

I don't care and I don't obsess over death.

I wanted to figure it out.

I did.

It's all good.

I'm just playing along.

I feel better after talking this one through.

Vilca was your ticket to ride.

I was so high that day I did not need that.

I can see no Peyote, Mushrooms, Ayahuasca, or Vilca ever again.

I could see Huachuma.

Shouldn't I have had these love discussions with Ayahuasca?

No, that medicine is nuts.

Monster women are crazy.

Why did you expect Ayahuasca to be different?

Mary Jayne is crazy.

Yeah, she has a split personality.

I love it.

I like her.

MJ changed like to love.

I love her crazy.

MJ is showing you your split.

She's good at it.

Well, she is both Mary and Jayne.

She brings the two out of you.

That's why people get scared of you.

I can see that.

I haven't changed.

The other half of me isn't quiet anymore.

They liked the old you.

Shut up and fall in line.

Right.

I played the game.

I can't go on a plant medicine retreat.

I just go in the woods, and it is incredible.

You love her, don't you?

You love Mary.

And Jayne.

I like both.

You were on your way to Hell.

It was going to happen, but I got out of it.

This time it's different.

I'm the Devil and I know it.

The monster would be taking the Devil home.

Then I thought maybe that's how they get rid of you.

They send you back to Hell.

Don't I have the keys?

Yes.

Peter has the keys to Heaven.

He works for me at the Catholic Church.

That actually works.

Yes, Jesus looked at Peter and said, "Get behind me Satan."

You're wasting your time; you should have become a biblical scholar.

No doubt.

The monster sends you to Hell, but you have the keys to that portal.

I have the Heaven keys as well.

Peter looks after them.

You can't lock me in Hell.

That's wishful thinking in Revelation.

Where are they going to banish me?

I don't know.

Lake of Fire?

That's my home.

It's like banishing Odysseus to Ithaca.

You make a good point.

It's stupid.

You have the keys to both portals.

Yes.

I opened them up last Peru trip.

I didn't know.

You didn't see me.

They were trying to get you out through the portal before you woke up and figured it out.

Now, it's too late.

You are saying I can go through the portals if I want.

Yes.

The monster takes you to Hell and you can laugh at her.

Yes, you have the keys.

You wouldn't worry about it.

Would I go to Hell?

No, you are having too much fun here.

When it stops being fun then you can go to Hell.

No, I'll go to Dog Heaven.

So, the monster can't take me to Hell.

No.

You must choose.

You must choose a portal.

I know not to choose.

I have the keys.

Yeah, it's don't choose, and they both stay open.

If you choose, they close.

They are trying to close them.

They want to get you in one and then close it.

Clearly Heaven wasn't working.

They tried Hell.

They want to get rid of you.

You're death.

You keep death's door open.

It's Heaven or Hell.

Got it.

You opened the Gates of Hell.

I opened Heaven's Gate as well.

They want to lock you away.

Like in Revelation?

Yeah.

Cool.

If they lock you up, people will get eternal life in New Jerusalem.

Right.

Well, I'm not going anywhere.

They call you a murderer because you are death.

They say nasty things about you.

Yes, because I have the power.

They want it.

I don't use it.

I let people choose their own destiny unless they ask me to change the story.

I will do that for them.

Some were headed to Heaven, and they wanted to switch it up to Hell.

That's why they asked me.

They ask God when they are on the other path.

Someone on the path to God doesn't ask God to save them.

They want a shepherd.

You don't buy all this 100%.

It's pretty good though.

Very believable.

You could just be a nut thinking up all this stuff and seeing parallels and coincidences in the real world.

Yeah.

What's more believable?

These stories.

I'm not all in.

Nope.

It helps.

This would drive people crazy.

I see that.

They want to confirm this preposterous stuff and when they try, or mention it, they get strange looks from people who aren't awake.

They question their sanity.

Sometimes it's so real.

That tips you over the edge.

What's your secret?

I believe it and laugh about it.

Peter figured out the game.

I put him at the gate to Heaven.

I can put Paul at the gate to Hell.

He's an apostate.

That's clever.

Or the Devil's representative is at Heaven and God's is at Hell.

That tracks and makes you question it.

Or the apostates see Paul and trust him.

Yeah.

Clever.

They see a Lake of Fire but still trust him.

Fuck.

Catholics see Peter and Protestants see Paul.

They choose.

Death just wants you to choose.

The monster took you to the portal of Hell.

Don Howard to Heaven.

You saw both.

Here you are.

Most jump at the opportunity to go to Heaven.

Bad choices lead you to Hell.

You get one last choice if you can get that far.

Edge and don't choose.

Same thing with Heaven.

Avoided the gate and Vilca.

You know how you avoided it?

The monster.

Yep.

They brought you down from that high.

Peter sees the game because he thought he was getting Heaven but he got Hell.

It didn't work out.

So, that's the secret.

Peter tricks you into thinking you are getting into Heaven?

No, it's your illusion.

Deep down you would have known the answer.

Peter knew what he was signing up for, but he thought it would be Heaven, or that he could make it Heaven.

He fooled himself.

Peter stands at the gate of Heaven as a symbol that you are fooling yourself.

Isn't Heaven nice?

That's what you are told.

What do you see about Heaven?

You worship a narcissist and serve him in perpetuity.

The Bible tells you so.

Why do people fall for it?

They don't want to go to Hell.

They don't realize how fun it is.

So, if you were going to choose one or the other you are saying you should choose Hell.

If you feel obligated to make a choice.

Won't you suffer in Hell?

Aren't you suffering now?

Good point.

Do you think it will get worse?

More of the same.

At least you have some fun.

In Heaven, it's dreadful all the time.

You just worship God day and night.

That sounds like Hell.

Do you get free time?

Yes.

They play the harp, and you must pretend you like it.

Can you masturbate in Heaven?

No.

Can you in Hell?

As much as you want.

Well, why would you choose Heaven?

Peer pressure.

I'm not going to choose either.

Then you will suffer here on Earth.

Well, the Devil I know, right?

It has its strengths.

What about when I die and must choose?

Dog Heaven.