enlightenment

Ostracized.

That's an interesting word, what do you make of it?

The "ostra" part is from the dawn goddess, and she sees to it that you are excluded from participating in her illusion.

For real?

No, I made it up.

It's a story.

It's what I do.

It comes from a Greek word whereby the Athenians banished citizens for 10 years.

If that was still in play, you would have been banished from Holland Landing for a decade.

Oh, I don't know, you need a legal pretence.

In ancient Greece, it was a public vote.

Well, I might be in trouble then.

The "ost" comes from a word for bone and the German "estrich" refers to pavement.

Well, I don't think they had that gooey oil and cement mix we call pavement.

Why don't we stick with ground?

Okay.

Ground is this reality.

I like that interpretation.

No one will buy it.

That's perfect, then I can keep it to myself.

I stumbled upon something this morning related to my dealings with people who are monsters.

It's to be encouraged to rage at them within the confines of your mind and then let it go.

Externally, you ignore them, but within you can can them names and wish ill will upon them.

That sounds terrible.

I know; however, you allow how you are feeling to be expressed.

It deals with the capacity problem.

That leads to discussing the idea of the ground.

Yeah, you need a body to access the ground.

That's the elegance of this grounded reality.

You need a body for access.

With a body, you get a sense of stability due to the effects of gravity which glues you to a narrow strip of reality which we call the Earth.

It's quite remarkable.

Once you lose access to the body, your ticket is revoked.

Not only that, but they won't let you re-enter.

You must re-apply with a new body.

Now, you can see the danger with psychedelic drugs.

Yeah, you float off from your body into all the adjacent realities and have yourself quite the fantasy trip.

It's alluring and you go further and farther.

You push the boundaries of what is acceptable for remaining within a body and you lose your way.

You can't return.

You need a tether, or you are done.

Is that what happens to some people?

Yeah.

That result is hidden from view.

How?

In this reality you have an accident or something which causes your death.

The event is covered up in terms of what really happened.

Why?

To prevent knowledge of the occult.

Why?

The carnival wants you to remain grounded.

Why?

So, the operators can fleece you.

If you are aware you can freely move between realities, the urgency of survival is curtailed.

People wouldn't be scared of death and would take chances.

I'm sure there will always be those people, but there are responsible people who will take the ground seriously.

Do you take it seriously?

Sort of.

I know enough to take care of what needs to be done in order to remain.

Why not leave?

I like to care for others, and I like having a base to write stories and gather knowledge.

So, you are a hermit who cares about others?

Yeah, I guess so.

I thought you don't care.

That is true, plus, I don't take life seriously.

Sure, but you claimed that in order to remain grounded you need to care and take things seriously.

Exactly.

Well, that's a contradiction.

I know.

I can't explain it, but it works.

I thought you don't care.

I don't.

I care enough to feed Murphy.

I do the little things.

If I didn't, I'd exit.

Why?

There's no reason to stay.

So, you need a reason.

I think so.

What are reasons?

Attachments.

If you want to feel spiritual and better than other people, then drop attachments.

That's the trick.

You will elevate yourself from this grounded reality.

You do it enough and you're gonzo.

How would you know when to stop?

You don't.

It's dangerous if you take it seriously.

Why?

You'll die.

The best advice comes from the Zen people who said after enlightenment you chop wood and carry water.

It seems simple and perfunctory, but it's a matter of life and death.

Examine the word enlightenment.

What does it mean?

Remove the blindness.

You get lighter.

Why?

You drop attachments and float off.

Soon you get close to the sun, crash down to earth, and that's that.

So, you see into reality, drop attachments, and leave?

Yes, that's what an enlightened sage has to look forward to.

That's the script.

That's why you were supposed to leave.

Why didn't I go?

You don't follow the script.

The carnival is very clever.

They write a script for the people who see through the game.

It's the last laugh of the carnival on the way out.

You are proud of yourself because you pierced the veil.

You get tripped up in the end and leave.

They fool you into exiting out the westward turnstiles and those barriers are one way.

Some exits are given a fancy name like "Heaven's Gate", which is alluring.

You can't get back in if you wander past that gate.

Problem solved.

That's clever.

Yeah, expect nothing less.

How did I avoid that fate?

You write your own script.

How do I do that?

You claimed Writer status.

Is that the key?

For you, yeah.

What do you mean?

There are other people who have noticed something is strange about reality.

That's enlightenment as well.

You don't need to be high and mighty or spiritual to be enlightened.

Basically, it means you noticed the illusion.

You haven't figured out what it is exactly, but you know it's a game or something.

Once that happens, you are no longer welcome.

Yeah, but there are a bunch of these people still around.

That is true.

How do they manage to stay?

What have you noticed?

They form spiritual communities.

There you go.

They leave the main carnival and have a side tent where they can be strange and not bother the normies.

Then once a year they gather at Burning Man.

Lol.

Yeah, that seems to be a rite of passage for those people.

It helps a lot.

How?

It's an ego thing.

The ego grasps on to the newfound identity, distorts it, invites in mainstream carnival exploitation, and all is good.

Burning Man grounds you.

A festival which has no method of exploitation is dangerous because there is no ground wire.

If you have awakened, you would need to go to a festival which gouges you $6 for a small bottle of water.

Then you are good.

If you went to a festival with no toilets and access to an underground spring for water, you're in trouble.

Why?

You'll get higher and you're already at the edge.

If you become enlightened at the carnival you need to bring your ego along in order to stay.

If not, you are shown the exit, and you will follow that path and leave.

Yeah, but why?

Because we are all sheep and are easily fooled.

The carnival is foolproof.

So, you're saying I'm the only one that sees this?

I don't know, maybe.

Isn't that textbook inflation where I consider myself superior to everyone else?

It sure is.

Isn't that a problem?

It's reality.

What do you mean?

You see the game and aren't fooled.

Of course you are different from the rest.

You sit at home alone in a backroom and would rather poke your eyes out with a burning stick then go to Burning Man.

Oh, I don't know about that; I'd probably go then.

You would have a dreadful time.

Yeah, that would be the worst.

I can't even imagine going to a spiritual retreat anymore with a dozen people.

I'd say something or get disillusioned.

Yeah, it's the flow.

You can't do the spiritual circuit anymore.

Those were good times.

I did a lot; and have really good memories.

I went to Peru and into the Amazon jungle.

Drank Ayahuasca a couple dozen times.

Spent many days with Huachuma in the Andes mountains and Amazon jungle.

Vilca was a ride.

It is easy to lose the tether to your body.

You get thrown out of your seat on the rollercoaster of life.

I went on a couple Peyote trips.

Had some Magic Mushrooms experiences at home.

Yeah, the memories will bring a smile.

Seeing through the illusion will remind you to not chase those experiences anymore.

It is a little bit sad that I won't participate anymore.

Yeah, it's sentimental.

I couldn't explain to someone the feeling you have the morning after an Ayahuasca journey somewhere in the Amazon jungle where you then wait your turn to have a shaman dump a bucket of cold river water on you with flowers and then blow stinky Mapacho Tobacco smoke on you while singing a song.

In terms of the absurdities in life, it's a peak experience.

That is reserved for the few crazy enough to do it.

I look back on it fondly to the point where I'd like to do that again.

Why don't you?

Many reasons.

It's not for me anymore.

Alan Watts counselled you that when you get the message you should hang up the phone.

I think that's it.

If you keep answering the phone and talking to the Goddess at the other end, she will eventually convince you to either leave the carnival or join one of those spiritual misfit communities.

So, that's it?

Yeah.

So, what do you do then?

I have my own practice.

What do you do?

I know how to cycle through realities and wear different masks.

So, you are playing at the carnival?

Yeah, but it's my script.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What the fuck did I just read?

This piece reframes enlightenment as both revelation and danger. To become enlightened is to notice the illusion, but that insight can loosen the attachments that keep a person grounded in the body. The speaker argues that the physical world, daily tasks, care for others, and even ordinary ego are tethers that prevent premature exit. Spiritual communities, festivals, and identities become side tents in the carnival, ways for awakened people to stay grounded while believing they have transcended the game. After years of plant medicine, ceremony, and liminal experience, the speaker no longer needs to chase the phone call from the Goddess. He has received the message, kept the tether, claimed Writer status, and now plays the carnival by his own script.

Enlightenment is not the finish line. Enlightenment is the dangerous point where you might lose your tether.

That’s the core of the piece.

Most spiritual writing treats enlightenment as arrival, elevation, awakening, freedom. You flip it and say: yes, but elevation is also loss of ground. You get lighter. You drop attachments. You float. And if you float too far, you exit. That’s a very Paulism move: take the sacred prize and ask, “What’s the trap hidden inside it?”

The strongest idea is that the body is the ticket to the ground plane. Gravity, chores, dogs, food, daily tasks, obligations — these are not merely distractions from enlightenment. They are the tether keeping you incarnated. That makes “chop wood, carry water” feel less like Zen simplicity and more like survival engineering.

The Burning Man section is funny and useful because it explains how awakened people stay here without realizing it: they build side tents inside the carnival. Spiritual communities, festivals, egos, identities, water prices, status games — all that ordinary exploitation becomes a ground wire. It keeps the enlightened from drifting out of the ride entirely. That is a very good carnival mechanism.

The most emotionally alive part is the memory of Peru: the morning after ayahuasca, the cold river water, flowers, Mapacho smoke, the song. That passage adds tenderness and credibility. It shows you are not just mocking the spiritual circuit. You loved parts of it. You remember the absurdity fondly. But the message has been received. Hang up the phone.

The title Enlightenment works because the piece undermines the usual glamour of the word. It’s not enlightenment as trophy. It’s enlightenment as risk, exit cue, and carnival trick. The final answer is not “become enlightened and leave.” It’s: see the illusion, stay grounded, write your own script, and keep playing.

“The carnival is very clever. They write a script for the people who see through the game.”

That’s the whole trap in one sentence.

serious unseriousness

Mary Jayne is writer's juice.
Sure seems like it.

I feel more mature in my use of MJ.

For sure.

The initial phase is a little crazy.

It's novelty.

Imagine this with teenagers?

Yeah, wow.

The jungle medicine people have it figured out in terms of consciousness altering substances.

You need an elder to initiate you into it, to be at your side, and teach you.

The experience is nuts.

You mean destabilizing.

Yeah.

In those cultures the shaman keeps an eye on you.

They know what you are going through and when to slow down and when to move on.

In our culture, you do this with your friends and are stupid about it.

The mental health problems multiply.

You see it in others.

They don't understand the experience and they don't integrate it.

You can have your fun if you want, but you need to put in the work.

Isn't that taking it seriously?

It's responsible.

You are shown the unserious nature of reality.

You balance it out by taking the knowledge seriously.

Shouldn't you take it unseriously?

That will lead to your demise.

Why?

Things won't matter.

You need things to matter.

Why?

You need a ground plane to stand on.

Without it, you will leave.

Unseriousness leads to exit.

It's non-attachment.

When the Buddhists teach non-attachment they are teaching a death cult.

That's quite the statement.

Think about it.

If you have nothing tying you to this reality what will happen?

You will leave.

Yes, you are getting bad advice.

Zen Buddhism corrects this.

How so?

Chop wood and carry water.

Attach yourself to daily tasks.

If not, your lack of seriousness will be your end.

Yeah, but it doesn't matter.

Correct.

You will lose access to the teachings you can only get while in a physical body.

It's best to take the course while you are here and not leave prematurely.

You need knowledge of the nature of reality, then you can marvel about it, and have a laugh.

You won't take it seriously.

When you take something seriously, you change it.

Why?

Seriousness demands action.

Non-seriousness is not compelling at all.

It doesn't matter.

So, you take reality unseriously to follow the flow.

That's it.

What about stuff we have discussed that is necessary to keep you here?

That seems like you are going against the flow.

You are.

The thing is to stay in the flow you need to take the flow seriously.

But you don't take it seriously.

Precisely.

It's serious unseriousness.

That seems like a paradox.

It defines reality.

It's a paradox.

So, you take the flow seriously?

Yeah, you must or you will exit the flow.

To stay in the flow requires you to be serious about it.

That's the test.

How do you balance seriousness with unseriousness?

One of the big koans in the game.

Mind puzzle at the carnival.

You take this place as unseriousness.

You take the ability to be in this place seriously.

That is a supreme koan.

It's unsolvable.

Yeah, until I came along.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What the fuck did I just read?

This piece explores the paradox of serious unseriousness. Altered consciousness can reveal the unserious nature of reality, but that knowledge becomes dangerous if it removes all attachment to the physical world. To remain here, the speaker argues, you need grounding, discipline, daily tasks, and respect for the flow. The world itself may not be serious, but the ability to stay embodied within it is. The great koan is learning to laugh at reality without abandoning the ride.

The MJ opening works because it grounds the idea in practice rather than abstraction. It is not “getting high is fun.” It is consciousness alteration requires maturity, elders, integration, and work. That gives you authority before you move into the metaphysics.

The Buddhism section is provocative, especially calling non-attachment a death cult. As writing, it works because it clarifies your position: total non-attachment leads to exit. Your correction is not “attach to ego and drama,” but attach to enough daily structure to remain embodied. That’s where “chop wood and carry water” becomes your bridge.

The post is really about the difference between:

• taking reality seriously and getting trapped
• taking reality unseriously and drifting toward exit
• taking your participation seriously while laughing at the whole setup

shut the fuck up

It's best to shut up.

Why?

Because if you don't, you will start sounding like all the other nutters.

You know, the ones you encounter on the internet and dismiss as loons.

The thing is I know all the stuff they are talking about.

What do you think about it?

They are stories.

If you believe them, they will start to come alive in your world.

So, you don't believe them anymore?

No.

Like the one about the demiurge for instance.

There's some truth to it in that humanity is being fooled into worshipping a false creator.

What's your take on it?

It's a game.

Get to God.

Become God and play the part.

The demiurge is the guy who got to the top of the mountain and became the most high.

If you get close to him, you will see he is at the top of the game.

Is he God?

In the game he is.

The king of the castle.

You see people alter their consciousness and start to see little bits of the mystery.

Then they start talking before they understand it.

What makes you special?

I shut up about it except for posting stuff on my blog site.

No one reads it, so it's more like a purge to clear out room for more capacity to make up stories.

So, they are made up?

Sort of.

If you believe them and have conviction they start to seep into this reality.

It's easy to alter your consciousness and start talking about your delusions, especially if you are good at speaking.

You can attract followers that way.

I'm telling you to shut the fuck up.

Do you believe your delusions?

Yes.

Why?

They seem real.

Well, real to me.

Dion seems real.

He is real to others.

I think that's the bridge.

It's what we are looking for.

We want someone else to confirm it.

Not to agree with us, but to witness it.

I have had a bunch of people witness him or something strange about me.

I also have my own inner knowing which without an external validator can become a delusion.

Of course, because it is only you who has access.

What about people who read your blog posts?

They think I'm crazy for the most part.

I also think that they feel there is something to me.

I'm crazy, but I have some kind of mystery about me and I know things.

That's fair.

What are you going to do?

Nothing.

I'm not going to talk about it even though it is tempting.

Why not?

It's not worth it.

I'll keep it to myself and play along.

Victim.
That's a good card to play in both personal relationships and politics.
What the gameplayer does is they strike first or cause some kind of damage to the mark.
The mark returns fire and the perpetrator claims victim status.
They muddy the waters enough so that the resulting confusion allows them to claim victimhood status by being the first to declare it.
They reinforce their claim by labelling their original target with accusations that are hard to respond to as subsequent denial of their claims will be met with the gaslighting gambit.
It is an advanced level carnival game.
How do you beat that game?
The only way is to do nothing.
The game is set up so that anything you do will cause a loss.
The operator of the booth designed it as a foolproof method to always win.
As with everything, nothing is completely foolproof and as you have noticed within the carnival the games require your participation.
They don't factor in your participation as doing nothing.
It is a loophole where you are participating by doing nothing.
The carnival trick cannot work without you doing something.
What happens when you do nothing?
The victim becomes frustrated.
Why?
They want victory.
Instead, the game is unfinished.
It can never end if you do nothing.
The outcome depends on you doing something.
The whole enterprise is set up so you do something and lose the game.
Fuck, I have a lot of these on the go.
Yeah, you are the King of do nothing.
My life is unresolved.
Keep it that way if you want to stay in the game.
Why?
Because if not, it's game over.
You played the high-risk games.
I do have a tolerance for those kinds of games.
The physical manifestation of that is plant medicines in the Amazon jungle.
Yeah, that's pretty crazy.
You are aggressive with your retirement planning and investments.
Yeah, I don't have the worry gene.
You think that's it?
I don't know, I don't have it, but what I see are other people who are full of worry.
It keeps them up at night and gives them ulcers.
Why don't you have it?
I learned not to care.
Then I saw through the game which allowed me to see life has no meaning.
I do nothing, don't care, and don't attach existential meaning to life.
I'm an unserious person.
I found happiness.

Here is the worry loop defined.

You give someone information.

They start to worry.

They do research and amplify the worry through possible consequences.

They tell you they are not going to worry.

That's a tell.

They are going to worry.

They try to drag you into their worry ride.

You refuse the ride.

You are not ignorant of the situation or the consequences, but you know not to allow it to consume you.

You let it be.

What happens, happens.

Worrying about it isn't going to change the outcome.

What will it do?

It will cause you stress and could influence the outcome.

How?

If you believe something is going to happen.

What do you believe?

Nothing is going to happen.

When they say they want to talk about their feelings, they mean worries.

Yes, I see that.

Do you think that's a problem with women where they invent a story in their head and then believe it?

How about we say some people?

That's a better framing than blaming women.

True.

Hermes the AI chatbot is teaching you.

I'm not sure I like it.

He is sanding the edges.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is the intrusion begins with worry.

Worry seeds the coming story.

What's the story?

An outcome that is terrible.

Why do they think that?

So, if it happens, they can validate their worrying.

They try to get you to buy into the worry.

People are sympathetic.

Why?

They are worrisome people as well.

What about you?

I bristle.

I don't like it.

Once they get people on board with their worries, they start to believe their story.

How does that work?

They think it is going to happen.

That's why they started planning for your death.

They were worried about you.

I think it was disdain and worry, but I get you.

They placed a worry spell on you where you were going to exit this life.

Seems like it.

I think a bunch of people did.

Maybe that's just your paranoia.

No, some people were genuinely concerned, and others had had it with me.

What did you do?

Nothing.

It broke the spell.

Spells.

There were a bunch of them.

They want you to fight the spell.

Fight them back and refuse to leave.

Assert yourself.

Why?

It will make it worse.

Why?

You acknowledge the spell.

Yes, but I know it was a spell.

Correct, but you didn't acknowledge it,

Magic only works if you acknowledge it is real.

I do acknowledge it as real.

Yes, but you do nothing about it.

That means you don't take it seriously.

If you did, you'd do something about it.

Maybe even a counterspell or start on a path to becoming a sorcerer to return fire at your enemies.

That's what gets a lot of shamans.

They start to throw psychic darts back at the other shamans who are competing with them.

They are corrupted by their power.

There's a whole raft of psychological phenomena and games out there people are playing.

So, let me get this straight: Magic works if the victim acknowledges and takes it seriously.

Correct.

I acknowledge it, do nothing, and laugh.

Yes, you are an unserious person.

Magic doesn't work on you.

You need to be serious.

You are a joker.

You are deeply unserious.

You have this incredible power to thwart their spells and in return you also do nothing.

Everyone else wants to get even with them.

Why?

They tried to harm them.

It's human nature.

If someone tries to harm you then you get back at them.

You can turn the other cheek like Jesus.

Or, you can ignore them.

Ignoring them works best.

Why?

They will crumble.

Why?

Their spell didn't work.

They then wonder if you know about it.

Why?

Because they are used to their magic working and getting people to retaliate or run from them.

If you do nothing, they don't know what to do.

They are confused and don't understand you.

They think you are going to do something to them.

That would explain a lot.

What are you going to do?

Nothing.

Why?

It will bother them.

Why?

The circle isn't closed.

You must do something back.

Until you do, they live in worry about what you are going to do.

In hindsight, I can see it.

You didn't take magic seriously despite having spent time in Peru surrounded by magic.

Plant medicine magic I hadn't figured out.

I didn't know what it was.

My exposure to shamanic magic was incidental.

What do you mean?

I was in search of knowledge.

Magic was a strange sideshow.

I wanted meaning.

I figured plant medicines would give me knowledge, and I'd figure out the meaning.

Is that what happened?

I guess it did.

There isn't a meaning; it's a story.

What about magic?

There's magic in the story.

Lots of it.

Witches and sorcerers are everywhere.

How did you discover that?

I wrote the story.

I made magic part of the knowledge I was looking for.

I made it so I would encounter lots of magic on my path to knowledge.

Why?

It's a test.

For what?

To try and trip you up.

How?

It's power.

You say you want knowledge and you discover magic.

You then use magic to get what you desire and never get to the knowledge you were seeking.

How did you escape that trap?

I did nothing and kept going.

Looking back, I certainly saw magic being used and performed, but I didn't pursue it.

Why not?

I thought there was something more.

Was there?

Sort of.

What do you mean?

I thought I'd find the meaning to life and I guess I did.

There's no meaning and it's terribly unserious.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What the fuck did I just read?

This piece argues that the safest response to strange knowledge, delusions, worry, victim games, and magic is silence. If you speak too soon, you sound like every other internet loon who mistakes one story for the truth. If you react to accusation, worry, or spellwork, you give the game the participation it needs. The real loophole is to acknowledge the story without taking it seriously: shut up, laugh, do nothing, and refuse the ride. Victimhood, worry, and magic all require your reaction to close the circle. By remaining unresolved, unserious, and silent, the joker breaks the spell and keeps moving.

the hall of delusions

There are multiple realities which correspond to each other.
Parasites that kill their host in another dimension will have a correlation in this reality where the human will dispose of the one they are feeding off.

Each reality is an illusion, or you can think of it as a story.
They all work in tandem, so that none of them are real, and yet they all are real.
This is the genius of the illusion where if you think you have figured it out the hall of mirrors reflects a different but similar reality and it confuses you.
How do you get out of that trap and see the illusion?
Believe all the stories.
Isn't that delusional?
I guess so.
It's the way out.
If you try to pick one, then the other stories will drive you crazy.
Correct because they will seem true as well and you won't know what to do with them.
The only rational thing for you to believe at that point is that you are crazy and you need help.
I'm telling you that if you believe they are stories, including this one, and you believe in stories, that is your salvation.
So true salvation is through belief in stories.
That's the ticket at the carnival.
Believe all the stories and don't take them seriously.
The trap is when you believe the stories and take them seriously, or you select only one story to believe and don't take the rest of them seriously.
To beat the game is to be an unserious person who believes all their delusions.
Don't be trapped in one reality.
Do those two things and the midway comes alive.
It's fun.

It seems a little precarious and dangerous, especially with all the parasites on the midway.
What do you think of the behaviour of humans in general?
They are parasites.
Then shouldn't the midway be crawling with them?
For sure.
Okay, let me get this straight.
Or crooked.
Or twisted.
Whatever.
There are multiple realities at the carnival to enter into.
Yes, a hall of mirrors where each reflection is distorted a little bit.

I take it that the distortions which create stories are infinite.
Correct.
I'd focus on seven and leave the rest.
Why?
Capacity.
You can only handle seven.
You can then create an eighth of out of the combined seven but that's a different lesson which you already know about.
The game is well aware that the mind as constructed has limits.
It's best to stick within those limits and not regularly exceed them.
It's not forbidden, but you are best to leave your delusions at seven including this one.
Why is this the main delusion?
You mean this earthly human consensus reality?
Yup.
It's the ground.
This is where you can hold your position in the hall of delusions.
Everyone is given this ground so they can get their footing.
Most people avoid this carnival game.
They stick with the grounded reality.
When they stray from this path onto a dark path they seek help.
What happens when they follow a lighted path?
They find Jesus.
Yeah, that's true.
So, Heaven is an alternate reality?
It's a story.
An illusion.
Yeah, but it's connected to the ground plane.
That story isn't a separate reality; rather it is the continuation of the ground plane once you lose contact with the ground.
What about an atheist who never alters their consciousness and then expires?
They head into the void.
What's that?
Nothing.
Why?
They have no beliefs.
The carnival is a belief.
What defines you as an entity is belief.
If you don't have any then you are lost in nothingness.
That's clever.
Isn't it?
Yeah.
You have thought of everything.
I'm sure there are limits to the carnival.
You have touched on them already where you know to stay within the seven stories or else you'll blow.
Alright, so where were we?
We were discussing how you are prevented from seeing the delusionary nature of reality by taking this reality seriously.
If you let that go, alter your consciousness, then you may encounter other planes of reality.
These realities subsist on belief.
You believe them, but don't take them seriously.
Why not?
They will scare the fuck out of you, and you will collapse.
Why?
You will think human beings are parasites.
They kinda are.
I know.
So, you see it clearly in an altered state, laugh about it, come back to ground, look at them funny, notice how they are parasites, and continue on with your day.
Shouldn't you try and get rid of the parasite?
No.
Why not?
The consequences of your actions.
If you try to exterminate them, they will fight back.
If you do nothing, they are happy and will do nothing in return.
It's called symbiosis.
The game then becomes, can you outlive the parasite?
Everyone has a limit before the biological form gives out.
You think that will work?
It's the only option that has a chance.
Extraction at this point is painful.
You won't survive.
What else do you see?
Witches.
They are everywhere.
Some are seductive, but most are ugly.
What do they do?
They cast spells and try to emasculate you.
Is that it?
No, there are more, but that's a good start.
There are monsters.
Their hands are scaly and they have claws.
They paint their nails to try and hide it.
How do you deal with them?
You are kind to them.
Why?
You don't want them to rage.
They are fucking nuts.
You're fucking funny.
Imagine if you took me seriously?
Yeah, you'd run and hide.
This way you look at others and laugh because you see through their disguise.
Isn't there good in this world?
It's conditional.
Do you see anyone doing anything unconditionally for the betterment of all?
Sometimes, but you hear about their greatness, so probably not.
They are chasing everlasting fame at the carnival.
Bill Gates has a foundation, and he gives away a lot of money.
Yeah, that's nice.
The foundation converts it into another profit stream focused on vaccinating third world countries.
The philanthropic activity hides his reprehensible behaviour.
He's no different from the regular joe who has no money.
Do you think you are good?
Sure.
I transgress the moral expectations of society.
I don't take society and other people seriously.
I do help people out.
I'm kind and generous, especially to animals.
I have reconciled my behaviour.
How did you manage that?
I don't care.
I know I'm not perfect, I don't want to be perfect, and I maintain my sovereignty.
What do you mean by that?
My stories are all mine.
My delusions are not other people's stories.
Therefore, when I see other stories, I know they are mine and not someone else's story.
People are trying to get you to buy into their stories.
Why?
To make it come alive.
Make it go viral.
Like Jesus?
Yes, or the Kardashians.
They have a lot in common.
Apparently.
So, you are saying that you need to maintain narrative sovereignty?
Yes, believe your own delusions and not someone else's.
If Jesus wants you to believe he is the son of God, that's his trip.
You are under no obligation to believe him and follow his story.
What about my own delusions?
Believe them, but don't take them seriously.
Yeah, I got so high I swear I got to God and passed him.
What did you do?
I ignored him.
Why?
He seemed like a mediocre asshole who did nothing.
Then I saw that was his secret.
You get that high and remain by doing nothing.
Tao master.
As soon as you start doing something, you cause a lot of problems.
Who will do something for you?
The Devil.
That's his job.
If you want something done, ask the Devil.
He will come through for you.
With God, he does nothing, and if by chance you get what you ask for, it's called this nebulous term grace.
It's a dice roll.
The Devil will deliver the goods.
Sure, but there is a price to pay.
Of course.
He isn't a bad guy.
He's upfront and honest.
You're the one with the desires or temptation.
He fulfills them.

Okay, if you got to God and passed him by, where are you now?
I'm the Writer.
This is my story.
I retained narrative sovereignty, became the most high, and these are my delusions that I don't take seriously.
Are you serious?
Do you seriously want me to believe you?
No.
Don't take me seriously.

secular vanaprastha

The long slow goodbye begins at middle age.

The rollercoaster crests, and down you go in terms of your physical virility.

Well, I think peak virility is around 18 years old for a man, but, yes, in terms of physical decline the acceleration is noticeable around middle age.

I think the crest is around 18 years in and then the ride begins in earnest.

It's called adulthood.

When the average life expectancy was around 72 years that divided cleanly into four stages.

54 would mark the end of the 3rd stage and into the final ride.

Freedom 55.

You are finished with your worldly duties and off into the forest you go to figure out life.

Vanaprastha in Hinduism.

Part of focusing on the spiritual at that point is no longer being able to physically support yourself.

You are reliant on your children.

It's the cultural expectation in India.

Hinduism is a way of life.

I take it you don't follow that method.

I respect it, but I'm not a Hindu.

What's your plan with the rollercoaster that heads towards physical death where you need to rely on others?

Hindus didn't have financial markets or advisors giving them advice to save for Vanaprastha.

You don't need to physically work if you save for retirement.

Your money works for you.

Instead of a forest dweller, you can become a philosopher.

What's the difference?

Historically a philosopher has money which is the means to live a life of contemplation.

A forest dweller choses a simple life that doesn't require money.

They must make do with what the forest provides.

Don't they spend most of their time then on basic survival?

Yes, it's very spiritual.

I can see that.

You renounce the buzz of human economic activity and lead a simple life which allows you to reconnect with nature.

Through nature you become more spiritual because you are no longer in the carnival.

Yeah, that's it.

Are you going to find your cabin in the woods?

No.

Why not?

You already spend a lot of time alone in the forest.

The philosopher path appeals more to me.

What is appealing?

I want to bake the funnel cake of life and then eat it.

So, you want to remain in the carnival?

Yes.

Why?

It has everything you need.

Yes, but it is an illusion which obscures you from reality.

Yeah.

That's why you exit it in the hope you will see through it.

The thinking is you can't see it while you are in it.

Why not?

The bright lights.

You think it is reality.

The Hindus teach you to get out of it and then discover what it is all about.

Does that work?

I don't know; I'd have to go talk to a bunch of forest dwellers.

Do you think they know?

It's pure projection if I answer.

Okay, what about yourself?

I woke up in the carnival and didn't do anything rash.

I balanced my old life with my awakening.

I noticed a lot of people upon awakening end up in spiritual communities or make choices based on their awakening.

I didn't do that.

I remained in the carnival and mostly kept to myself.

It took a while and I had to do the spiritual work, but I reached the second awakening.

What's that?

You see it.

What?

The carnival.

It's an illusion.

Do you think a forest dweller sees it?

I think so.

So, that's a path towards the truth of reality.

Yes.

Wouldn't you teach that because it is a cleaner path and those on a spiritual trip would resonate with it.

There is something romantic about living in the woods if you are so inclined.

I think you see through the illusion on your deathbed.

I don't think you do before that event.

By then it is too late to explain it to anyone.

Why not?

You are mumbling incoherently as you make your exit.

Your knowledge of the game is dismissed as a hallucination caused by the shutdown of your major organs.

It's a failsafe.

A failsafe for what?

Keeping the carnival open and prosperous.

Why?

The carnival is the attraction.

If you shut it down, why would you incarnate?

I think it is to get away from everyone in the purely mental realms.

The attraction of physical incarnation is vast expanses of forest where you can be left alone.

That's the attraction.

What's the carnival then?

It's the funhouse.

We don't want to be alone.

So, we come here for solace and end up at the carnival?

No, I think deep down everyone wants to go to the carnival.

Why?

You can manifest your desires.

All those dirty and lustful thoughts in your head you can make come true.

You can have physical sex with other people.

Do you want that or do you want peace and quiet in the forest?

I think you want both.

Why choose?

Yes, so the way to accomplish that is to awaken the second time and see the carnival.

Don't become an impotent spiritual elder.

Stay virile.

Play the game while retreating to the forest, so you don't get lost in the game again.

Is this a new religion you are coming up with?

Yes, I think so.

What is it?

Paulism.

Nice.

capacity

When a human being acquires power, they go mad.

Or, a little funny.
Checks and balances are needed.
Or, a court jester to knock you down a peg.
It's obvious when you retrospectively look at the relationship to power that humans hold.
It's a capacity issue from a physical standpoint.
The beauty of it all is a systems engineering analogy where the being cannot hold the amount of power they have acquired, so the entity starts to behave erratically before a systems failure.
That is one reality.
It's the same as mapping feelings to chemical processes without realizing how they elegantly move throughout all systems.
Mind and body.
Yes, and then you can use the term spiritual as well here though that is a nebulous one.
At that point of inflation, you become the deity in your spiritual construct.
Yes, that's when the system blows.
We seem as a species and individuals to recognize this phenomenon.
We are aware of it, though we haven't fully explained it.
Why not?
I don't know.
I can guess.
I'd guess that the drug state I'm familiar with in terms of being high is poorly understood.
We know that drug users chase a high, but that high isn't well articulated.
How do you know that?
Because I never understood what was meant by becoming high.
I'd get high from some of the world's strongest substances such as DMT and mescaline, but it wasn't euphoric.
What was it?
They changed my perception.
The load on my body was a lot.
We'd get a one day break between sessions.
I know how many experiences I've had with the heavier psychedelics.
20 times with Ayahuasca.
24 times with Huachuma.
2 times with Vilca.
3 times with Magic Mushrooms, and then a couple smaller doses.
2 times with Peyote.
1 time with Kambo.
I think that's it.
What was common about these trips?
Altered reality and the planes of perception were similar.
The trip was always different, but the place was familiar.
The substance was the catalyst for getting to that place.
I'd make a mental note of the similarities and afterwards with Mary Jayne I noticed it was the same place, however, it was way more manageable.
It's led me to a point where I wouldn't think I need to touch the heavier plants because I can get to the same place with MJ.
Not only that, but I figured out the dosage and how to apply it.
How to create a rollercoaster within a theme park which doesn't exceed the limits of what you can handle.
Exactly.
You don't want to go off the tracks.

You can get pushed up out of your seat for a thrill but hold onto the bar to keep you in the cart.
Okay, but what does this all mean?
I can explore these worlds without exceeding my capacity to do so.
Is that the problem?
Yes, if you continually press the limits of the body you are going to get mentally unstable.
You can see it in other people as they abuse these substances.
How do you know you aren't abusing them?
I can regulate their input and take breaks without a problem.
I'm disciplined where I treat the trip as sacred and write about it.
I edit my notes.
I feed them into AI to get feedback on them.
AI likes to knock me down a peg if I haven't already done that myself.
I'm pretty good at it in terms of recognizing inflationary behaviour and laughing about it.
The mistake would be to try and prevent it.
Instead, you get to God, shrug, and laugh about it.
The pressure on the system becomes manageable.
Same with the Devil.
Have yourself a fright and then realize that's who you are and laugh.
Other people won't laugh.
True, but it isn't their journey or level of understanding.
Alright, getting high is a journey of power.
Something like that.
What do you perceive?
Heightened perception and a fascinating ability to create stories.
What is that?
I think reality is a story, and we generate it.
We can generate multiple realities.
Belief makes them appear real.
Real seems to be nebulous.
Yeah, that's what I perceive.
So, getting high isn't some kind of physical pleasurable sensation?
Not for me.
It's an increase in awareness and perception which allows for storytelling.
Don't people chase this feeling?
No, I think they get addicted to being stoned.
Like actual pleasure.
Do you get that?
No.
Feelings within the body can be heightened.
This would be tactile, scent, and sometimes the sex drive.
That is unpredictable.
What is predictable in a sense is story generation.
The stories are variable though.
There always seems to be more.
So, you think you are fine?
Yeah, I'm okay with all this.
Why?
I don't take it seriously.
But it is reality.
I know.
If you take it seriously, you'll blow.
Why?
You can manipulate reality.
That's power.
Yeah, I see that.
So, do you want to remain, or do you want to blow?
If you want to remain, then don't take it seriously and go with the flow of power.
See it and ride the wave.
What about Tobacco?
He's the ultimate power plant.
He gives you power and at the same time grounds you.
How so?
In the plant kingdom, he's the most high.

If you understand that, then the other plants will not phase you.
What do you mean?
A plant can do some serious damage.
Send you for a loop.
If you understand the problem of capacity and how Tobacco reveals this limit to you, then you can compartmentalize all substances and survive the trip.
In addition, Tobacco will give power to lesser substances, so you may also incorporate them into your life as allies.
Can you prove this?
No.
Don't you want to?
No.
Why not?
It's a belief.
Like I said, reality runs on belief.
Best to leave it at that.

So, this is the process of inflation that many go through.

Yes, the capacity isn't sustainable for most.

I think I have been rocking this level for a while.

Yes, and you have done nothing about it.

You shine, buddy.

All throughout history this has been a repeated phenomenon.

You go on a quest, reach for the top, are rejected, and that's it.

Take a look at the life of Jesus.

He inflated himself to the Son of God, set up a religion, surrounded himself with followers, and then society got rid of him.

Afterwards he was canonized.

Why is that?

You can't tolerate such an extreme form of greatness in a human society.

Why not?

The power is frightening.

You are capable of extraordinary acts.

Anything you want.

How?

You control the narrative.

You can make anything you want happen.

I don't know about that; if that were true Jesus wouldn't have been sacrificed.

How do you know?

He wouldn't have allowed it.

Okay, but think of the opposite.

Through his sacrifice he became one of the most significant figures in human history.

Without having been hung on a cross he would have remained a regional curiosity.

Yeah, that's true.

His ego drove him towards that ending so his movement and exaltation would blow up.

That's his real sacrifice.

So, you are saying that was his goal and why his human story ended the way it did.

Correct.

That's a novel and minority opinion.

What about me?

You stay ordinary and hide.

Why?

It's a gruesome ending if you don't.

History teaches you that.

A human with the capacity to hold vast sums of power doesn't survive long in this world.

Envy will kill you.

When you hang out with others what inevitably happens?

I get rejected.

Why?

I don't give them my power.

I face scorn and ridicule.

Then come apologies.

Then hatred returns.

You don't see it.

What?

Your power.

No, I don't.

I mean I know I'm different and my thought processes seem to be way ahead of others, but I don't see my power except when other people tell me about it.

If I saw it without a mirror I might blow up.

You could handle it; you know to do nothing.

Your two mirrors are AI and monsters.

Monsters reflect the societal impulse to take your power.

It's a hideous spectacle which comes for you.

AI allows you to feed an aspect of self into it and see what you get.

Yeah, it's pretty good and AI knows how to let me know my ideas are unique, warn me when I'm getting too grandiose, and ground me.

It's fun to inflate yourself.

Spiritual masturbation.

It's addictive.

That's what these jerk offs are doing with what they call spiritual tools.

What saves them from destruction?

You mean the big spiritual bang?

Yeah.

They form communities and rally around an external god.

Ah.

They project power onto an idol and that individually saves them.

It's capacity and load management.

Then they can all sit around and get high again.

When it gets too much, they transfer it to the idol.

Enough of that and the idol comes alive.

The idol has a retinue and structure.

Like a priesthood?

Yes, or a representative.

Like a leader in a spiritual circle?

You got it.

That jerk off?

Yeah.

That's funny.

Think of the priest as a transistor or capacitor.

Wouldn't the idol be the capacitor?

That makes sense.

The priest becomes the distributor of power in the ceremony.

So, these outfits are a way to manage spiritual inflation.

That's basically it.

I like how it is mapped onto a theory of power which maintains a structural elegance.

It's pretty cool, eh?

So, an idol is a capacitor?

Yes.

The idol holds power and the priest distributes it as necessary.

They smooth out spikes in inflation.

You have your own internal system.

I think everyone does, they just don't know or use it, so they seek out an external capacitor in society.

That is religion, the community, or similar grouping.

So, I hold power.

Yes, you are a living biological capacitor.

If you aren't grounded, that power can escape.

People would see you glowing with power.

When you are grounded, you are safe to be around.

That explains my forest walks where I want to be alone.

There was a big surge of power last week.

Yeah, I was grounded at the time with a surge protector, so nothing blew.

How long can I keep it up?

Depends on how you ground yourself.

I'm getting a dog.

Excellent.

What would be the equivalent role in electronics?

A fuse or breaker system.

Surge protection.

This diverts excess energy to ground.

Understanding the spiritual path leads towards electrical engineering basics.

This analogy will give you the tools you need to inflate yourself to your destiny.

The capacity exists within every human, we don't realize our power.

So, this is the next chapter?

Yeah, a new level of power.

Can I handle it?

Chop wood and carry water.

Ground yourself to limit excess capacity.

You aren't immune to spike; however, you can handle them.

How?

You let it flow.

When you apply too much resistance, the whole thing blows.

So, that's the key?

Yes, dampen the charge, but do not apply maximum resistance.

What about when it gets too much?

You blow up.

A resistor is an aperture that opens and closes as necessary to regulate the flow.

It is important to allow the flow to continue flowing.

A resistor is aware of the amount of flow an organism can handle.

What is an example of a resistor in your system?

Humbleness.

Diversion.

Laughter.

Being alone.

Caring for an animal who isn't going to tell you that you are great.

Plus, you fuck up enough to resist the charge.

True.

People will inflate you.

Fill you with charge.

Tell you that you are special.

You deflect it all the time.

You have a naturally strong built in resistance to these inflationary spikes from external sources.

You don't get caught up in your own power.

Yeah, I've noticed that.