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Showing posts with label identity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label identity. Show all posts

Monday, August 11, 2025

the veil of Isis

Time marches on.
It's running out.
You can't wrangle or get ahead of it.
You know it is going to get you.
It gets your body.
Some people's minds go as well.
Not everyone.
There are older people who remain very sharp.
There are people of all ages who are mentally challenged.
What is that?
It could be a defect of the bodily container or they are so full of fear and anxiety that it affects the functioning of the mind.
The reasoning would also be if you have a don't care attitude that affects the mind as well.
Like you?
Me?
Yes, you.
How does not caring affect your mind?
I'm brilliant.
Modest too.
I'd speculate that if you free your mind it becomes so powerful you can handle anything.
That would seem to be the key where a mind bound to society will be subject to whatever the collective decides.
It's how you are controlled.
It's the essence of mind control.
For a while they used tightly controlled mass media to do this.
They told you what to fear the most after giving you a daily serving of fear that they called the news.
The medium is the message and the message broadcast is mind control.
With a free mind you scoff at the methods of control.
With a free mind you can go off and explore the unknown as in altered states of consciousness and different modalities of awareness.
What's your assessment of the exploration of consciousness?
A programmed human mind will find it very challenging.
Why?
It goes against what you have been programmed with.
It's an awakening.
You see things for how they are.
It's very disconcerting.
What's the result?
It makes you crazy.
Why?
The difference between what you have been told, what those you trust have said is reality, and what you see.
The disparity will meltdown your mind.
An explorer of consciousness needs to extricate themselves from society or you will become a casualty.
You'll blow your mind.
If you remain in society they will try to kick you out.
You'll get paranoid they are watching you.
Who are they?
The collective.
The attraction of a spiritual community becomes clear.
There's strength in numbers.
Why don't you join one of those?
Those people are far gone.
There are always people in a group ready to take advantage of others.
It's the trappings of power.
Once you see how to control other minds, the temptation is too great, and you become a leader.
It's part of the human condition.
We love power.
So, the only solution is to be by yourself?
Yes.
So, you must move to a mountain to live in solitude?
It depends on the strength of your mind.
We live in a community.
It takes a lot of strength to do what I'm doing.
I need to avoid people, and carry on in my ways.
I know they are suspicious and don't like me.
Aren't you paranoid?
No, I don't react.
They are looking for a reaction.
Alright, to get back to time, it's an illusion.
It's real in this illusion.
You create an illusion and populate it with real stuff.
That's how you fool people.
The magic is impressive.
The Great Goddess creates bodies for minds.
You enter into the body she crafted for you and this becomes who you are.
It's a ride.
It's like going on a ride at the funhouse and identifying with the seat you are sitting on.
The Goddess puts a time limit on the ride.
The ride is going to end and you are no longer entitled to the seat.
You must exit the ride.
Where do you go after the ride ends?
The carnival worker directs you to where they want you to go next.
Don't listen to them.
Stay free.
A ride is going to have a beginning and an end.
They are memorable markers and thus you perceive time through events that are memorable.
When you take the body out of the equation you are left with a mind which is eternal.
It's free.
Those seduced by power wish to control your mind.
You are always free to take back your mind.
Those who wish to control your mind must keep it in a state of agitation, i.e. fear.
When you break free of their methods of control you start to see what's going on.
If you break free all at once it causes quite the fright and may send you to a place you had not anticipated.
You seek help in order to fall back into a state of sleep.

Twelve years to total acceptance of my split personality.
After 4 or 5 years I could sense the two.
Recently, I have been able to let go of lingering doubts and there has been acceptance.
Trust issues are the last hurdle.
I went through a lot in a short period of time.
My mind is spectacular.
Why don't we treat people as two?
Identity problems.
Denial.
Everyone is living a lie.
They are certainly self-centred and deny the other self.
When you don't acknowledge the split you will create a beast.
When the beast gets out he will end you.
I acknowledged the split and let him out.
He terrorizes those that bother you.
He is your best ally.
Friend.
That's how simple it is.
Acknowledge him and then friendship.

The key to dropping identity with the body is seeing the two in your head.
If you don't go crazy, eventually you see who you are.
Those are your two identities, and the body is a vehicle.
That's the teaching.
You can heal others with that knowledge.
This is you without a body.
A body puts one to sleep.
You wake up.
Drop the ego who you thought was you.
Awaken yourself.
Awaken the other.
Take away the body and this is you.
Dion puts you to sleep when you get on the ride.
Society then puts Dion to sleep.
The ego is a copy of you.
Shed the copy and become you.
Wake Dion up.
Why does Dion put me to sleep?
It's part of the ride.
Game.
I wanted to see if I could beat the game.
I did.
It's like Houdini.
Wake up and solve the puzzle before you die.
If you die before solving it, you are trapped in another go round.
Why?
That's the game.
You need to wake up.
Then you go.
Why?
So you don't completely figure out the game.
If you figure it out, you will tell others.
Oh, I see.
You'll fuck up the game.
Yes, so they get you to go before you tell others.
It's too late because I scheduled a blog post that tells others about the game.
They tried to end me, but I won.
You schedule it in advance.
Don't be lazy.
You have the knowledge.
Prepare it for release.
That's what I did.

When you wake up you go.
Where do you go?
Where you want to go.
Isn't that a trick?
Yes.
What is it?
You don't go anywhere, you are already there.
You drop the body.
That is all.
Don't tell the mind to make a Heaven for you or it will.
Do nothing.
When you do nothing you retrieve your mind from the chair and leave.
So, they have your mind?
Yes, until you wake up.
Then they trick you into giving it back.
Who?
The carnival owners.
Who are they?
The executive producers.
It's absurd and I'm used to it.
Scientology is also absurd.
Yeah.
It's kind of stupid.
Mine is more plausible.
Why do they want your mind?
It's the most valuable possession in the universe.
Controlling minds gets you what you want.
That's what they do.
It's a delicate balance to control a mind.
You fool the mind.
Give it some of what it wants.
If it's all suffering, the mind will wake up.
People get hypnotized into supporting causes.

They needed to lock you up before you figured it out.
It was a race towards getting a grip on sanity.
The red lady comes for you and tries to end you.
You now know why.
You dared to traverse the seas which lead to the knowledge of the mysteries.
The sirens wail and implore you to go back from whence you came.
Oh brave one, you continued on and uncovered her secret.
Maya.
The veil of Isis.

Why can't I see my dogs?
The body gets in the way.
You dream of them.
I can see them in my head.
You're getting warmer.
You have pictures so you can remember them.
You then conjure them.
Isn't that magic?
Yes.
Should I be practicing it?
What do you think?
No.
Why?
Because I will change the story.
It's just fantasy.
It's in your head.
You can do magic in your head.
Don't do it in reality.
You already conjure them when you go to bed.
You call them.
Oh, yeah.
You've been doing magic with them for a while.
How do you feel about that?
It's fine.
It's harmless.
You call and connect with Luna all the time.
She's watching over everyone.

The Goddess created a playground for her children.
God turned it into work.
No, that was Adam.
He listened to Eve and as punishment God made him work.
So, the Goddess made paradise.
Yes, her garden.
God then wrote about it.
Correct.
The serpent tempted the woman with knowledge.
She bites the apple.
She tells Adam.
God gets mad at them.
Adam has to then work for a living and Eve will suffer in childbirth.
That's a good summary of the Garden of Eden opening in Genesis.
Who is the serpent?
It's the Goddess.
God put her in the garden.
So, the serpent is responsible for destroying utopia?
Yes.
But it's her idea.
The clever part of the story is the Goddess tells Eve about utopia because it's her idea.
She couldn't keep it to herself.
Then Eve tells Adam they are living in this wonderful place.
Okay, but why does that piss God off?
Because he told them not to eat that fruit.
He said eat whatever you want except that one.
So, God was just being a prick?
Yes, he didn't want humanity to know about the story.
Once they found out about utopia, he ended it, kicked them out, and made the story about humanity's journey to return to paradise.
This is accomplished in the Book of Revelation with New Jerusalem.
A lot happens in between.

It was men who denigrated and forgot the Great Goddess.
Why did they do it?
A form of denial, perhaps?
It's her game.
Her ride.
A man tells the story of her creation.
It's part of the flow.
The flow of the game will lead you to awakening and when you awaken you see her illusion.
Why does no one see it then?
They don't go with the flow.
Everyone does something and changes their story.
If you change your story, you are prevented from seeing the Goddess.
If you let things be, you rediscover her.
You get in to see her.
Eventually, the lucky one will lift her veil.
It's Maya.

I started clueing in to the Goddess around age 43 in 2010.
I discovered her history in ancient Egypt.
I looked for her.
I went to the Amazon.
I found her.
Men run from her.
Why?
She's the end.
Omega.
Men stay away from her because she will kill you.
You went looking for her.
What a mistake.
No, she loses her power.
Why?
She is supposed to come for you.
Women are the cause of death.
She would have come for you, instead you came for her.
I gave her life.
A couple times.
You rediscovered the Goddess.
They were calling her mother Ayahuasca.
They said she was grandma.
You were like that's the Great Goddess.
She's from the west.
I can hang with her.
How?
She can't take me down.
Why not?
I came for her.
I know all her secrets.
I know her illusions and tricks.
I know what she's up to.

Death allows you to see hidden realms.
Yes, they are only hidden because you are alive.
Alive as in a body.
Do you think you have pissed off the Great Goddess?
Why?
Because you saw through her trick.
You know what it is.
She births you into the illusion and then takes you out of it.
She gets you attached to the illusion so that you suffer.
You can also experience joy and love.
That contributes to becoming attached.
When the source of your feelings is taken from you, then you suffer.
You have lived experience.
You must go through all that before you figure out her game.
Do others figure it out?
They get an idea of Maya.
They can't quite put their finger on its meaning, however they understand the illusory nature of this reality.
What's the trick?
You identify with the body.
It's an impressive fool.
You think you are born and you die.
The only reason you think that is because of identification with the body.
Society is then structured to reinforce this belief.
Let it go, and see what happens.
Why don't you stop playing her game and leave?
I'm eternal and this adventure created by the Great Goddess for her children is special and you should honour it.
I thought you said it's a carnival.
It is.
It's something to do.
Why go home prematurely?
Because you see it.
If I left the carnival before it closes then I'd miss out.
What would you miss out on?
A few more rides and a candy apple.
Yes, but you will suffer.
Not if I see through the curtain and lift the veil.
I can handle it all with this knowledge.
What is more fun?
Having no knowledge of how the amusement park is operated or seeing how it works?
Well, at first you want to get lost in the adventure and for most that's enough.
For the types like me who want an answer to this strange mystery, you want to figure out how it works.
There's science for that.
If you really want to figure out how it works you need to become familiar with Maya.
Maya will lead you to the Goddess and her magic spells she weaves to create this playground.
Okay, isn't the fun of the carnival gone because you know what it is and how it works?
No, it's a new beginning.
I can replay the game knowing what's going on.
Sure the ride won't be the same, but the theme of the carnival remains.
I can go through the park and take it all in with a new understanding of what is going on.
It's going to be great.

The portals of Heaven and Hell are masculine solstices.
There are also the portals of the two equinoxes.
Yes, those are the entrances to the carnival and the exit.
Everyone knows or will know those gates.
The eastern gate is where you pay your admission to the fair.
To stay in the fairgrounds past the expiration of your ticket requires you to find your way to the next level of the carnival which can be Heaven or Hell.
To stay in the game is to go to Heaven or Hell when you get the call.
You exit the grounds through the west and pick your next destination.
Can't you just retrace your steps and leave via the east.
No.
Why not?
The turnstiles are one way.
You're fucked as soon as you enter.
That's what Hotel California is teaching you.
You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.
You check out through the western gates.
This is a puzzle.
The first thought is can I get out in the east?
They have that covered.
You must wake up, exit in the west, and then don't choose your next destination.
Heaven is inviting, so you will choose that one.
You are hypnotized into following the white light.
Yes, no one chooses Hell except for the truly insane.
Hell is a lonely place.
If you are looking for some peace and quiet then you could always choose Hell.
What's limbo?
There are those who haven't made a choice.
They aren't awake; they are indecisive.
I will do do nothing.
Correct.
When your time comes, exit through the western gates with everyone else.
When you see the white light, remain in place.
Hang out with Dion and then it will fall away.
Why won't I be in limbo?
You are awake.
If you are in limbo, you are still hypnotized.
Got it.

I saw the white light and the two serpent Goddesses with Huachuma.
I remember that day well.
What do you think that was?
I vibrated like crazy.
It was electric throughout my whole body.
A Kundalini experience.
If I had to articulate it, I'd say it is what happens at death.
It was my trial run.
What did you do?
Nothing.
Why?
It was pretty crazy.
I had to kneel down and then was sweating.
I can see now that is why at death you would be scared at first but then quickly move past it.
The two serpent Goddesses are there waiting to escort you to the white light.
Your next stop on the ride.
Your destiny.
They comfort you.
Yes, you continue on in the illusion.
You didn't go.
No, I observed it, but I didn't become the white light.
When you die you head to the white light and become the white light.
You choose that portal and the illusion of the serpent Goddesses keeps you ensnared.
So, I got past that one.
Yes.
How do I know?
You took pictures afterwards.
You recorded the aftermath on your camera.
If you died and went to Heaven you'd have left everything behind.
Makes sense.
Yes, of course.
That's why you do stuff like that because you will question whether you have died or not and whether the mind is just generating the continuance of your story.
Who would generate the Heaven story?
Your mind if it's being fooled.
Oh, right.
That's clever.
If you are hypnotized by the Goddess she can send you to Heaven or Hell in the continuance of the carnival ride called Maya.
So, where am I now?
Fucking around on her ride.
She wants you off.
Why?
You are dangerous.
You're going to tell everyone about the illusion.
No one listens to me.

if i did die and I'm creating my own reality, I'm very good at it.
Well, you were told in 2020 to kill yourself in order to live.
You had already done that.
This is your reality.
You have the keys to creating this reality because it's yours.
You are responsible for it.
You let it be and go with the flow, therefore, you do not interfere with it.
You take solace in trusting what has been written beforehand and go with it because you know it will work out.
This is your story.
You can change it if you want, but you know going with the flow has brought you to this point in your life.
I think we know what you think of where you are in life.
It's everything I wanted.
This is what I'd write.
The world is a soap opera.
It's a comedy and a tragedy.
On it goes.

If you don't fit into the collective, the herd will subconsciously remind you it is time to go.
Then there will be signs telling you to leave.
Is that what you want?
Given the choice, most will choose to remain within society and forget about the whole waking up trip.
If you still want to leave the herd perhaps you can manage to get a cabin in the woods and go off by yourself.
Spiritual seekers go up the mountain and become hermits.
The chief reason isn't because of a need for solitude, it's because society doesn't want them around waking others up.
The superego is all powerful and rules over you.
You conform to fit in or you are cast out.
How have you managed to stay within the collective?
I learned the secret is to ignore them and do nothing.
I have a job and mostly keep to myself.
It's very strange now.
There are some who if I run into them will talk to me about suicide.
I know the game, so I have a chuckle and entertain them.
Another one will tell me to watch out for tree branches that might fall on my head.
They are called widow makers.
I see what they are doing.
When that didn't work, they came out and told me to scram.
A weak mind will either conform or leave the community.
What did you do?
I would describe it as a figurative middle finger.
I know others who want to run off from society.
They entertain the thought.
They succumbed to the pressure exerted on them by the collective and got mad at me.
They hurled invective at me though all I did was encourage them to exit society.
Well, yeah, they were going to go off with you, so of course you took the full on hit.

If you aren't awake you will have no idea you are the victim of mind control.
You are a shell of who you are and conform to the wishes of society.
What are you doing?
I do enough so that I keep the mob away.
I work and I now make an effort to be social.
It is a good exercise to see the zombified humans do their rituals.
What's that?
They gather, have their ritual libations of alcohol, and commiserate.
Nobody dares to take a step towards awakening.
Those who get to know me, know I've done it and I don't care.
I give others enough clues, so they start to wonder.
They know there is something mysterious about me.
It's a good game to play.
I am having fun being known as this strange and mysterious person.

The Peyote people are exchanging the mind control of society for their own.
The weird part is they don't hide it.
They tell you to stare into the fire and get hypnotized.
Did you do that?
No.
Why not?
I knew what they were doing.
They are strange.
You transfer mind control from the superego to their god of fire.
Then the leader tells you what to do.
They baffle you with their rules about how you can walk into the tipi and other dumb shit.
If you cared, you'd warn others about this cult.
Yeah, but whatever.
People can figure it out on their own.
It's simple once you see it.
No one sees it.
The innocent get sucked in.
That's what they wanted.
They wanted to wake up and exit society, but they weren't ready to go it alone, so they gave up control to another party.
They must think there is no escape.
Well, they aren't wrong.
You can't get away from the carnival without ending it prematurely if you get my drift.

If you had died that day with Huachuma and the Kundalini experience with the white light, where would you be now?
I'd be in Heaven.
How do you know?
I would have headed towards the white light.
That's what people do.
I remember afterwards this woman teaching me how to ground myself.
She knew I was out there.
Why didn't you head towards the white light?
I was awestruck and I never felt a pull.
There wasn't anything within telling me to go to the white light.
I just looked at it and then returned.
I wrote it all down afterwards.
I know I'm not in Heaven.
How?
I'm free.
If you are in Heaven there's no freedom.
Maybe you are in Hell?
No, there's rules where I am.
Hell is a free for all.
I'm confident I didn't drop dead at the carnival that day.
It has all been part of my awakening experience.
To awaken you must at some point see the white light.
That's what the frog medicine Kambo is for.
The poison brings you to a point of expiration and the practitioner will bring you back.
I didn't experience that with Kambo.
I'd already done that trip.
So, you are still at the carnival.
I'm pretty sure of it.
That's enough for me to go on.

You think you lifted the veil of Isis?
Yeah.
What makes you so special?
I went looking for her.
So what.
She's the Red Lady.
The Femme Fatale.
She's the Goddess of the West.
Amentet.
She will end you.
That's why no man will dare to approach.
Instead, you are to wait for her to come to you and then you know it is your end.
I, on the other hand, went looking for her.
It's quite the adventure.
I'd definitely give it 5 stars on TripAdvisor.

Monday, May 26, 2025

next level

They tried to physically kill you.
That didn't work.
Later in life they try to mentally kill you.
Who?
Society, culture, all that.
When you are younger and you don't fit in, the herd tries to get rid of you.
You are a danger to society.
When you get towards finishing the game, they try to mentally pressure you to leave.

A corporation exists because of its records, building, and people.
It can be virtual as well.
Without proof it exists, it doesn't exist.
It vanishes.
That's one way to disappear.
Society is hyper-focused on identity.
Without means of numbering and recording you, the system doesn't work.
They give you a name, number, and register you.
Before computers, they would keep a lot of records and count citizens.
It was easier to disappear.
In this reality you need the body, everything else is baggage.
It's personal history that holds you back.
Well, it grounds you.
I know what you're saying in that if you want to be free you would need to drop those attachments.
I see the game.
If you want to be the most high and soar, you would do that.
You can't do it.
Why?
You'll exit.
Becoming that free will lead to your removal from the game.
There's only so high you can get in this world.
It's what spiritual people don't understand.
You must stop at a certain point because if you keep going to Heliopolis you'll exit the game.
Ram Dass knew that.
That might be what you want.
Do you think that's what Parker wanted?
Not directly, but it was certainly where he was headed.
Don Howard was of service which kept him around.
Parker kept losing his opportunities to be of service.
He didn't want to stay.
Do you blame him?
No, subconsciously he did what he did.
Examine your life and you can get an idea of its direction.
What about you?
I don't want to be of service.
I'm tired of the spiritual game.
I got high, really high.
I got to the exit and saw it.
I got really low and saw that one as well.
I've done the Heaven and Hell thing.
I've seen it, and I know what happens when you do that.
To win this game is to get to one of those exits.
It's an impressive feat to do while in the body and not leave.
It's a spiritual accomplishment of the highest order.
People will get recognized for how great a player they are, and then they stupidly leave the game.
You get convinced it's the way to go.
Well, yeah, the pressure to go is insurmountable.
How did you not succumb?
I hate people, I avoided those clowns, and I did nothing.
I'm still here.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Do you want to disappear?
I play on the periphery.
Why?
Something to do.
Seriously?
It's a game.
I'm the best.
Paul is the best with help from Dion.
Is that why you don't have a Health Card?
Yes.
I mean you should have one, and it's not a big deal to go get one.
I don't want the identifiable baggage.
I must do my taxes, or they will lock me up.
To be free would mean not to do your taxes.
They will find you and lock you up.
It's a paradox.
To remain partially free is to burden yourself with the overtures of society.
Taxes ground you here in this reality.
You are explaining realities to yourself and how to go between them.
Yes.
When you get the most high in this world you are to exit with no way of returning.
It sucks because you see the game, go through the portal, and can't come back.
You see the game and the power to write your own story, however you left it on the table.
I thought only you have the power?
That is true.
How do others get that power?
They must believe they have it.
They don't believe it until after they walk through the portal and by then it's too late.
This is quite the fucking story.
I couldn't have made this up.
I experienced it and now I'm writing it down.
People won't believe me.
That's fine.
I'm going to end up in the bargain fiction bin.
Perfect.
You have seen the game, you know how to exit the game, and you know what keeps you here.
What about these different realities?
You get high and low and see them.
This ties into drugs and stories.
Yes.
You wanted to examine why you are attracted to Mary Jayne.
She shows you different realities by taking you up high and bringing you down low.
She's a rollercoaster.
I know women like that.
These realities become inviting to your mind and are another way you are pushed towards the exit.
It's part of the aging process which helps you leave when the body fails you.
Got it.
With drugs, you get there before your time.
Where is there?
The doorway to different realities.
Society programs two into you, which are Heaven and Hell.
I see that.
Those are two portals of high and low.
I'm guessing there are more.
Seven would be my guess.
Realities, yes.
There's infinite, but let's go with 7.
The ones at the top and bottom are Heaven and Hell.
Then there are the tweeners.
Can you go into and out of those realities?
No.
They must remain fantasy.
Why?
You will go crazy.
Your mind will be blown.
That sounds like fun.
A mind blow job.
Exactly.
Do you think you can do it?
Yes.
Why?
My mind can handle it.
I did crazy training last year.
So, Heaven and Hell are the exits.
Then there are 5 in-between.
Yes, you are in the middle, so there are 4 alternate realities you can play with.
Do you know what they are?
I have an idea.
There is definitely a reality of witches and sorcerers.
There is a reality of royalty in which I'm the King.
There is a reality of monsters and toxic creatures coming for me.
What else you got?
They are watching me?
That's reality TV, of course they are.
Alright, there is one more.
There are infinite stories, but you can see another one.
It's the Hero one with Odysseus and the Sirens.
You can see that one.
You'll see more.
There's a bovine reality.
Alphas and cows.
People gotta stop using dairy products.
Those hormones will fuck you up.
If you enter into these realities, you can return to ground zero here on Earth.
Is that what people do with drugs?
Yes, that's what makes them crazy.
Your mind can't handle the alternative reality, it gets blown, and you return a waste case.
Where were we?
We were talking about different realities, and how to get in and out of them.
It seems easy, right?
Now that you know, yes.
I don't need drugs to enter into these alternate realities.
Drugs show you the way.
You go into and out of them once you see them.
You turn your world into an alternate reality.
If you wish to view the world as a domain of witches, filter your thoughts and perceptions through the opening in that reality.
Is there a symbolic representation of these realities?
It's in your head.
This reality is in your head.
You are playing along with everyone else in a shared reality.
It's a beast of a reality because everyone is in it for the most part.
Okay, I see it.
It explains a more magical ancient world where beliefs were of these different magical realms.
To get back to that is to make everyone believe that.
Instead, we are all made to believe science and technology will take over.
Individually, you don't have to believe that.
You are free to do whatever you want.
It's the "free your mind and the rest will follow" paradigm.
You can create your own reality.
Which one do you choose?
I think that's the problem.
People choose and they go crazy.
You need variety.
You go in and out.
It feels good to go in and out.
That's one of the underlying themes of the book I'm writing.
In and out.
It's very simple.
In and out, trust, belief, friendship, and getting your mind blown.
Yeah, I've lost count of the themes and games, but this fits.

Huachuma teaches you to let go of the mind.
I see that.
Give it a rest and drink in the beauty.
It's don Howard's recipe for experiencing Heaven on Earth.
That was one of his teachings.
Get to Heaven in this lifetime with Huachuma.
When you expire, you will choose no mind and Heaven.
You think that's a trap.
No, I think it shepherds you towards making a choice.
I'd recommend not making a choice.
Why?
Because you go all in.
The game ends.
If you are tired of the game, then by all means make a choice.
If you want your story to end, make a choice.
If you want your story to continue beyond death, make a choice to live in your mind and create another Hell.
Hell gets a bad rap because it's a place of suffering.
It's just life as conjured by the mind.
It's not evil or demonic as a rule.
You make it so.
How do you make it not so?
Practice no mind when it gets really tough.
Escape the shit when necessary by checking out.
You can always pack up and leave a terrible situation.
If things got really bad for you, pack up and move into the woods.
Are you ready to let go of the game?
No.
Why?
I just figured it out and I'm excited for what is to come.
It will be a while before I tire of this game.
What will happen when you tire of it?
I'll lie down and go to sleep.
Where will you end up?
I won't choose Heaven because that involves giving up the mind.
I won't choose Hell because I'm done with that story.
I won't choose.
Where will you go?
There's limbo, purgatory.
You will still have your mind, so that seems unlikely.
Limbo seems like a place where the decision isn't left up to you.
It's a state of uncertainty.
Are you uncertain?
No, I'm certain that I don't need to make a choice.
It's a cultural imperative that you make a choice, and I have transcended the chains of culture, therefore I know to enter the next phase of the evolution of consciousness without making a choice.
Okay, where will you end up?
I'm thinking of a place where I have a mind and it's Heaven.
The only place that seems to fit that description is Dog Heaven.
Of course.
You'll be God in Dog Heaven.
Exactly.
It all fits.

The stories are fantasy.
Enter that reality and make them come true.
I entertain myself.
I'm not memorable to most.
Peculiar.
I stay undetected.

Monday, April 8, 2024

consequential game of chance

It's ridiculously obvious for me to say life is about making choices. We are constantly presented with scenarios where we must decide and at times these choices can be seriously life-altering. When faced with hard choices my default go to is to let others make the decision for me if it is to cause major waves. I've boiled this behaviour down to a psychological trick I've used my whole life that I stumbled onto early in my youth. I realized at some point that if I became a people pleaser and did what others wanted of me, I would get far in life and be able to convert it into capital which I could use to get what I wanted. It boils down to this: I can manipulate others to my advantage if I give them what they want out of me. It's transactional, and so far in life it has worked.

The hard part is when you hit a fork in the road in which no matter what you do to please, it is going to cause the other party to be upset or suffer. I have landed on that doorstep a few times in my life. Your reputation and life-long process of looking like a superior mortal in their eyes is to come crashing down. You can only hide for so long. Living with someone will reveal the other side, it's hard to keep that concealed. The game is a central part of the identity you build in your human career. I've played the game long enough to also see the result of inaction. If you don't choose, the choice will be made for you, and you will be stuck with the consequences. When others make the decision, you spare yourself the label of bad guy and the subsequent Karma. I've seen it play out before and the disappointment I have been able to move on from after compartmentalizing the hurt. Eventually, the time would come when I'm not sure I could get over the loss of something I wanted, had, and then lost because I couldn't be true to myself, make a personal choice, and deal with the fall-out.

I’ve noticed I can get what I want, but then a new set of variables is unleashed. I want this. I get it, and then come the unintended consequences. What is the better play of the two? To just let things be as they are? You also don't know the future of that action. We are always desiring and chasing what we want. The difference for the wizard is they get what what they want. We are all in the same boat; some can fulfill their desires while others are left on shore with desires unfulfilled. Outcomes are always going to be a wild card.

My desire is to eat healthy. The consequences are I live longer and consume more resources, taking away from the less fortunate. The effect on the scale of plenty is negligible but imagine a bunch of First World inhabitants such as us all desiring this. The effect is pronounced and for every gain is a loss. Who suffers? The poor. They go even more without the necessities. I'm trying to illustrate all actions have consequences. Nothing is exempt from this and though I have noticed acquiring power and getting what I want leaves a wake of unintended consequences, there were always going to be consequences to not getting what I wanted. We are in a consequential game of chance.

Life is full of constant challenges. If I mapped out an adventure to have, called life, surely, I'd want to eventually experience crossroads. I love the challenge that is presented to me. I don't love having to let go of the people pleasing default mode and see my identity and reputation get kicked to the curb. Deep down I know all is reconciled and you can only ride that edge for so long. Eventually, the spark to ignite a fuse would present itself and one time I wouldn't blow it out or allow it to flame out. Let's see what happens when it burns. The detonation I have avoided and, in this adventure, maybe it should blow and then I can take notes.

We all know Medusa, or else we wouldn't be here. We are good at not looking her in the eyes like we were told. In my contrarian life, of course the time would come when I'd seek her out and stare into her eyes. What secret is being kept from me? Tantra teaches the way out of your predicament is to head straight into the storm and go through the eye of the hurricane. If I were going to lead by example and show you the way, what would be my method? I'd use the stone to find freedom. Embrace it. I would plunge headfirst into the abyss and break through to the other side because I'm the stone. I would subconsciously demonstrate the way out of your prison cell once you have been released from your sentence. The jailer exclaims, "You can go," and yet we hang around and decide to become of service in the prison. Somebody must remind us that it's okay to leave prison. Turn me to stone and I'll use the solid rock to smash the four walls that imprison me.

Earth is a finishing school for wayward spirits and the best teachers of our purification are dead. They are telling us it's okay to leave when you get the message. We cling to our prison cells, embracing the comfort that comes from knowing this is your reality, while denying you fear the unknown. The spiritual teacher still with us is subject to the flesh, so we can use this against them. We can examine their life and find a reason they aren't ultra-holy. This way we can avoid the difficult path ahead which we face. They couldn’t do it, so why should I be any different?

If you figure out the game and are free to leave, would you? It's a choice. Duality presents choices. You can stay and be of service. A teacher. Someone who wakes others up. Wouldn't you want to balance that out? Why play the holy card all the time? If you knew the secret, wouldn't you want to play? Why the hurry to leave? Is there a time limit? I don't think so. I have examples to look towards. My friend Parker left because what he was chasing had already left. I have balanced the equation. Some of my friends have left and are waiting for me. I still feel the pull of this incarnation. If life gets you down, find purpose. That's the key. When you no longer feel wanted or needed in this world then the scales tip and you can jump with conviction.

You can also leave to escape the coming retribution and trashing of your reputation. It's still going to happen, and the coward runs from it. It's a game, and I'm proud of my fifty-six years. Fuck man, I have juggled this one like a pro. I haven't dropped the ball yet and I keep making it harder. If I believe in myself, I'll make it a great story.

The reveal of my character is freeing. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I don’t have to bury my nature in the depths no more. Kill yourself in order to live, indeed.

Monday, March 11, 2024

identity fluidity

Humans are so like flowers. We grow and bloom in beauty. Then the energy dissipates, and we wither away. It's the eternal process of the cresting and falling of energy. I have free will and because of it I can create any flower I choose. I can design and act out my existence and radiate its glorious coming forth or give out the fruits of my choices. I don’t have to do it. I don’t have to do anything. If I keep burying parts of myself I don’t like, am I a hypocrite?

Ram Dass says tell the truth and love everybody. The truth will set you free. You become attached to the lies and uphold with honour your story. Your whole life is a lie; that’s why you live in bondage. You expend so much energy during the day in performance of that lie. The constant spinning and mental anguish disappear when you tell the truth.

I sure have come a long way over a long time. I could stop creating darkness and just be an open book. It would be hard to function within culture in that regard. The way out is to flush identity down the toilet as has been suggested to me on a few occasions. Or, find someone who wants to play the games I play.

A paradox of freeing oneself from identity is evolving a new identity for yourself, usually as someone who is airy-fairy spiritual. You can’t really escape identity as that’s how we all make sense of the world. Identity is a form of objectification and necessary to keep things separate, understandable, and tidy so we can compartmentalize people and predict behaviours which allows us a certain degree of stability in our own lives. In order to free yourself from being labelled and having to live up to the story others tell of you and who you believe you are, it is paramount to keep everything fluid and shifting. Resist being defined and practice becoming true of speech and action. Living in truth means not having to live up to the story told about you or fulfil any expectations. You’re now unreliable and hard to pin down.

My advice is to chart your own course. Don’t follow another’s path. You can listen to them and their experiences but for god’s sake don’t retrace their steps. Everyone has a personal journey. Ceding that to an external source is asking to be misled. It is important to realize everyone has travelled along a path that gets them to the now. You did not travel in someone else's footsteps; instead you charted a different course. Love yourself, all aspects of yourself, especially the parts you buried due to hurt, to culture, and to please others. Be a leader and not a follower.

Find the darkness in your spirituality because you are becoming holy to deny the darkness. Instead of shining with light, I love operating in the shadows. If I do lead, it is by example. Don't follow me.