rollercoaster

I think fluoride makes your teeth hurt.

It gets in the holes in your teeth and makes them hurt so you will go to the dentist.

Fluoride is a tool of the dentist.

That's how it prevents cavities.

That's an interesting conspiracy theory.

Thanks, I came up with it all on my own.

A key to investing is paradoxical.

You must have a high risk tolerance and then patience to do nothing when that tolerance is tested.

Because you can handle risk, the temptation is to make a risky decision to do something when faced with adversity.

The level of risk you need is the strength to do nothing when faced with the turmoil of high winds.

Others will offer you advice so you can repeat their mistakes.

Do nothing.

The siren is present within communities.

It's a call to join their outfit of assimilated people who were at one point independent and happy.

Communities have fines, bylaws, and jails.

Communities have snitch lines.

People talk behind your back all the time.

Why are you living in this community?

Good question.

Ideally, you would find a place which lacks neighbours and community.

It's a rollercoaster ride.

Stocks.

Drugs.

Life.

You touch a high.

You keep trying to get back to that high, but you can't.

Why?

You try to do too much.

The secret is to do nothing, and you will return.

Well, you are doing something, you are just aware to do it within a container and with discipline.

It's a little surprising in your case because you will take chances.

What about the low?

People try to avoid the low point again.

How?

Advice, diversification, and strategy.

Won't the rollercoaster return to the low point?

Yes.

Nothing lasts forever.

The ride will end for all.

Even the great companies you invest in.

Your biological life will come to an end.

Drugs are a wildcard and can take you low without warning.

What do you do?

Nothing.

If you do nothing you will return to the low.

Yes, it's natural.

When you fight it, you invite the return quicker.

Why?

The resistance makes it stronger.

So, you just let it ride.

Yeah, don't touch it.

Ride the rollercoaster.

The writer gives everyone a good ride on the rollercoaster.

When you fuck with it, then the rollercoaster goes off the tracks.

Don't fuck with the rollercoaster.

My decent retirement ahead is by luck.

Hard work doesn't get you ahead.

You will spend the money unless you find a place to put it where it is hard to get at.

I think that's the secret the credit card companies know about.

If you have easy access to it, you will spend it.

Putting your money into the stock market gets you ahead if you know how to manage your money.

An advisor will help you make steady gains.

They won't make you wealthy.

They are risk averse.

Hard work is overrated.

Staying employed and getting a decent amount of money to invest long-term is the reward you should seek.

Plus, buy a house and make those payments.

Will the rollercoaster return?

Always.

Are you scared?

No, it was a perfect ride last time.

Gratitude.

My life was spared.

That was the death spiral.

Dion saved me.

Just so we are clear, he played the Devil and saved you.

Yes, the Devil saved me.

Doesn't that make you scared?

No, that's so cool.

I didn't even ask.

It is because we are friends.

That's what friends are for.

The best friend you could hope for is the Devil.

That's a show stopper.

Dominant people want to dominate anyone.

Or animals.

Or ideas.

Submissive people want to serve.

They both don't have issues with gender, they just want control or to submit.

Is it a fetish?

Yes, but lots play it, not necessarily sexually.

You must pick a side to play.

Who says?

They do.

Some will pretend to be submissive and then take control.

That's their game.

Physical and mental dominance.

You didn't fall for it.

I never took control.

They give you power, and you are supposed to take it.

You didn't.

I'm impressively high.

Climbing the ladder today.

Notice how you don't go to the top of the ladder or the heights of your mind.

I know what it is like.

You'll fall.

You did okay on the very top of the ladder and at the edges of your mind.

Yeah, don't stay there.

Why is their freedom on the way up high?

You're dropping attachments.

Why?

You are told to.

You know what is the biggest attachment?

Heaven.

Attachments weigh you down.

You take them into Hell and burn them all.

That's why you go to Hell.

That's why Ammit, the devouring divine feminine monster of ancient Egypt, takes you there if you have a heavy heart full of attachment.

She takes you where you need to go.

You burn all your attachments and get free.

Yes, like an attachment to Heaven.

Precisely that one.

That fools you every time and you have been playing a long time.

Yeah, so people will eventually figure it out.

Then they pick Hell.

They think they must choose.

When they are finally convinced Hell is Hell, they do the no choose, nothing thing.

Does it go in that order?

Any order to figure it out.

Is this my first time playing that game?

I think so.

Why?

I don't remember choosing a side.

If I did, I'd remember.

You remembered blue water jugs in a massive Déjà vu.

That was pointing towards SpiritQuest.

It was a vision.

You remember Dion.

Yeah.

The Goddess.

Yeah.

I'm still playing the ritual game at the carnival.

I haven't beat it.

Yeah, but it's your game.

Yeah, I brought it to the carnival.

Why?

Because you go on all the rides at the carnival.

Why not do them again?

People don't do that.

They want to do them all.

Like at Disneyland.

Yes, and then they leave.

I knew I'd do them all and eventually get tired of them, so I brought my own game.

It's kind of stupid.

Easy to play.

I always lose.

Then I win some.

I have to do it 7 times in a row perfectly to win the whole game.

That beats the game.

Are you close?

No.

It also helps me beat other games.

How?

When I get really high or low, I play it.

It balances things out.

That's the reason behind my altars and mesa.

So, I'm playing this game wherever I am.

That's next level knowledge.

If you were going to design a nice day up here, this is close.

Some will complain about the bugs.

The worry would be greater if no bugs were out.

The movies you identify with are revealing.

Blue Velvet, The Matrix, Fight Club.

Wild at Heart.

It made it seem like I am disturbed.

You are.

I woke you up.

That what disturbed really means.

Yes, you woke the demon as in that kid is disturbed.

It fits.

Then the community conspires to put the demon back to sleep.

If not, they lock you up.

Once you are out, you aren't going back in.

Yeah, you must figure out a way to fit in.

What makes me or you special?

I'm out and there's no need to lock me up.

I'm cultured.

I can go out with you in public.

Okay, I see that.

You lay low for the most part.

It's all good.

How are you feeling?

I'm great.

You still have resistance.

Yes.

Good.

Why?

Balance.

Tao.

The two are resisting each other to create balance.

We are friends.

Yes, but there is some resistance.

You think I'm the Devil and I think you aren't trustworthy.

I do have a history, so your concerns are valid, however I made you like a dog and I'm great with dogs.

If you get good at the ritual, you can sense danger.

The ritual is your guide to staying at the carnival.

Have mesa, will travel.

There's no one up here because of the mosquitoes.

This is great.

Thank you, mosquitoes.

The branches creak and the wind blows when you are this high.

Sirens.

I finished all the rides at the carnival.

The monster was the last ride, and the ritual keeps you here.

She is still around.

It is a fun ride.

So, I've gone on all the rides at the carnival?

No, there's always more.

You did all the major rides.

You avoided the rides you shouldn't go on.

They are for fools.

Maybe I should go on them?

You're the fool, not a fool.

The great fool would see those rides are not something you should go on.

The shady character at the entrance should give it away.

The drug dealer?

Exactly.

They are illegal rides.

Even in the permissible countries, they are illegal.

That should give you a clue.

Yes, but so is Mary Jayne.

Why is she illegal in a lot of places?

She shows you the game.

She reveals the carnival nature of reality.

Why are some countries now okay with this?

Because with education they feel they can mitigate the problems she causes.

The mental health industry is all for MJ and Magic Mushrooms use because they will exacerbate and explode the mental health crisis.

I see that.

When you see the nature of reality, it is so confounding and absurd it will cause you to enter psychosis.

Why didn't that happen to me?

You have the strongest mind, plus you shut up about it.

When you do speak about it, you sound rational because you back it up with examples in the real world.

Like the whole Trump soap opera?

Precisely.

You write about it constantly.

Yeah, but no one reads it.

Whoever reads it thinks you are a little off.

I don't hide it.

I am pretty much together though.

I have my shit together in consensus reality even though I know it is a front for the carnival.

How does this reconcile with the idea of reality being a porno?

The porno is creating the customers for the carnival.

The carnival is the set that the Goddess created.

The writer is responsible for creating the story at the carnival.

He does it by creating rides.

You wander through life in the carnival, and you go on rides.

I see that.

The rides are fun.

Sometimes scary.

The ride ends and if you are still around you walk around, get something to eat, see a show, and so on.

Go on some more rides.

Watch others on their ride.

Everyone wants you to watch them go round and round on the Swings or Merry-Go-Round.

True.

They wave to you.

Look at me on this ride.

This is absurd.

It's amazing.

Diabolical.

The writer is twisted and makes the best amusement park.

That's why they get him to write the story.

Without him the carnival sucks and closes down after only a little bit.

The carnivals that move from town to town know they have a short shelf life and keep moving.

They are alternate stories by shit writers.

The only true carnival, the only true reality, is the one I have written into existence.

why am i here?

I asked the question, "Why am I here?" to the ether a few weeks back. I did it partly in jest, as I figured there must be a reason why I incarnated into a human body in this particular place called earth. I get answers to the questions I pose. I have walked the knowledge path and I am satiated. In fact, the Great Goddess told me upon our initial meeting via Ayahuasca that I could ask her any question and she would give me the answer. I have not abused the privilege and she has been true to her word. I fulfilled my end of the agreement as well, promising to write a book based upon what she revealed to me.

So, why am I here? I asked that question because I have realized earth is a hell of our collective making. I wondered what I did to deserve such a punishment? I do get answers, so it was hardly surprising that as I was sitting at my desk, I had this epiphany in regards to my current situation.

I am in hell because I created this place in order to transform. The separation from my other half, the Great Goddess who is my heart, kept pushing further and further apart and in my desperation, I created a realm where the suffering due to the lack of heart would force me to seek out love as the only way out of the hell realm I created. The darkness within went about conjuring this world to enact the suffering needed to transform my stubborn self.

Therefore, I can now be at peace with suffering. Suffering is indeed grace because it leads you to the path of the heart after you have exhausted all avenues which you think will save you. It’s built into the system that eventually you will find what it is you are looking for if you keep at it long enough.

The suffering is real, alas temporary. You conjured this world, you created the suffering, and you forgot you are the greatest of all magicians. Your magical power is so astounding that you fooled even yourself into thinking you were powerless, and that magic doesn’t exist. And here you are! The joke is on you. Every birth keeps the illusion going and every death lifts the veil a little more.

How desperate were you that you did this to yourself? How much did you calculate it would cost in order to get back into the hands of the Great Goddess, who has her own magical power as well, and that power is the power of love. Love is the great healer. When one speaks of healing the greatest of this healing power is through love.

How could I do such a thing as to create a world of suffering? My magic mushroom trips gave me the answer. I created world after world thanks to the mushroom in conjunction with the dream plants tobacco and mugwort. I sat in my big comfy chair with psilocybin and conjured new world after new world. Later that night, I was in dialogue with my shadow who showed me the mass suffering in the world; suffering he created. I knew he was me and I couldn’t fathom why I created so much suffering.

Six months after the latest psychedelic sojourn, and I know suffering is part of the grand illusion designed to get me home.

So, back to my latest musing. Of course, I was sitting outside on my deck smoking Mapacho tobacco when the realization of my incarnation hit. It was a progression along logical lines. The catalyst was abortion because of the raging political divide currently being experienced by the country directly south of mine. There is always a debate over when life begins, with some taking the stance that life begins at conception. I subscribe to the philosophical meanderings of one 20th century wiseman who went by the name Alan Watts. Alan mused that life begins with the twinkle in the eyes of the two parties about to engage in an act which will produce offspring. The twinkle is desire; otherwise known in ancient times as Eros or the fat baby with the arrow in Roman mythology whom we know as Cupid. The anthropomorphism of desire by the ancients is quite ingenious and the iconography of a baby with love arrows is pretty spot on.

Going by this model, I connected to the idea that I am the manifestation of desire. The power of desire is so intense that desire can actually appear in the flesh. Now, you might think I'm nuts, but I don't know; have you ever felt intense desire? It's an intoxicating drug which will make you do many irrational and nutty things! It's a small leap to say this power is magic and will find a way to come forth. Okay, if you are going to read on then you probably agree with me a little bit.

The lessons of the life course I am enrolled in coalesce at this point. The root cause of suffering is desire. Not getting what you want causes suffering. Getting what you want causes others to suffer and in turn you suffer because it is in time and will pass. Ever notice the world is defined by suffering? An interesting thing I've noticed is that suffering is the impetus towards transformation. When everything is going your way, you bask in the pleasure and get fat and lazy. The downturn in fortune causes you to act. The hurricane coming your way forces you to find shelter.

And there is the answer I was looking for. Why am i here? Well, because I am desire. I am propelled by desire to incarnate, and desire causes suffering. Henceforth, the world I help create is a world of suffering because my nature is desire. I have wondered why I am in this hell. What did I do to deserve to be sent to hell? Turns out I'm full of desire and therefore I created hell to live out my desires. I intuit it's a cycle and after I get my fill of the carnival, I will let go of the attachments and return to floating on a cloud, possibly playing a harp until I feel that familiar twinge of desire and take on form again in order to quench my lusts. I also sense I'll be trapped in desire fulfillment if I do not let go of its attachments while in form. Many ancients counselled that it's the weight of your heart, not the size which will allow you to free yourself from the hold of this consciousness plane that propels you to go round and round in a constant cycle of appearances.

weighing of the heart against a feather at the great hall of ma'at

I must think they were correct. The heart has to let go of attachment in order to love all. The heart will drown in a sea of misery without wings. Love, serve, remember and don't get attached. Realize the suffering is perfect. Do what you can to help with the knowledge suffering will transform the sufferer and lead them to the path they seek. It's why they did this trip in the first place.

Lust and greed are twins in this world of desire. We are the manifestation of desire; so, yes, it makes sense we are all greedy scoundrels looking to get our fill. We learn to play the game well and hide our rapaciousness. We put lipstick on our inner pig and play the game of life. When nobody is looking, we gorge at the trough of fulfillment of our sins, kinks, and wants. It's who we are. It's okay. I have got these lusts as well and I can play my game with ease and grace. I'm a mystic and by nature am a star at concealing my actions. Such a mystery I have created. Behind it all, and behind every single one of us who has incarnated is desire. Don't let them fool you. The world is a world of suffering because desire creates suffering, but the power was too strong. We had to do it. We had to roll the dice one more time because maybe this time I'll get all I want.

Maybe I did get what I wanted? Through desire, I have learned how to get off the wheel which desires propels in perpetuity.

The path of the heart is a most interesting journey. The answers and solutions to life's predicaments have always been freely offered as well as being known. You just had to find balance and in turn discover what you always knew.

Since I now know the secrets of desires and the manifestation of your desire, it would seem I have no excuses and must turn my desire towards the heart. Instead of desire causing suffering, I will elevate the heart and love by turning desire inwards towards love.

conversations with myself

Taking stock of myself with the intimate knowledge of what it is that exerted control over me for so long, I came to the realization towards the end of this year that I could easily manifest this destructive entity if I chose to do so. I knew the thought patterns and behaviours I could use to surface this thing and I got it in my head I could perform an exorcism of sorts. I made plans to one night engage in activities I had long ago abandoned, get this thing to manifest, and then use a spell to vanquish him. I remembered advice about postponing war only benefits your enemy and since the enemy and myself knew this was coming, I rushed my plan into action. I didn't get a warm and fuzzy feeling in my gut about doing this. There was not resistance, but there was not a positive feeling that yes this seems like a good thing to do. I went ahead anyways, if nothing else I thought it would be a good affirmation of my strength. So one night I planned a ceremony, addressed my spirit helpers about what I was going to do, asked for their support, and then prepared to meet my adversary.

It didn't go exactly as planned but it was not a disaster. I filled my mind with the thoughts and stimulation that I knew would bring out the dark energy that is present in me. Out it came and it enjoyed the stroll down memory lane. I ended it after about an hour - I repeated three times an incantation I had written in an attempt to get rid of this thing. I'm not sure it would be proper to say I underestimated my opponent, no far from that, I knew his power. What I did underestimate was the power he had to infect the mind. What I mean is that how the darkness works is by planting thoughts into the mind that then cycle in an endless loop until you're trapped. After I ended this ceremony I went to bed but as I lay there these thoughts remained with me and they became feelings which then become very hard to ignore once they reach that stage. Mantras can work to dispel these thoughts but when these thoughts run unchecked for a full hour it is very difficult to excise these from the mind.

The next day these thoughts were recurring in my mind at a frequent interval. A tinge of resignation came over me as I wondered how I could ever get rid of this thing and not have it hanging off me for the rest of my life. I had to use some mantras to get this back under wraps as I sensed its presence and potential to multiply into being out of control once again in my life. I had plans for later in the day that would get my mind off this situation for 24 hours which was good as it allowed me to step back from what was happening. When I revisited this problem the next day I was surprised by what I learned from this whole episode.

I went for my morning walk with my dog in the woods and started processing the experience. I specifically questioned the nature of this entity and the black magic it can wield that casts a spell on your mind which promulgates this feedback loop. You allow these initial thoughts into your head and from this I was able to sense this is how you create feelings. Your thoughts create feelings and this begins a cycle where the outcome is that you eventually act on these feelings. So I began to see the power inherent in an individual to manifest their own reality. I had heard of that saying before but I'd never been clear on it. I started to see how it works and taking it the next logical step further you see how exponentially it affects us on a collective basis. If the consciousness' of human beings are constantly bombarded with messages of fear then these thoughts that are implanted in your head cause the feelings of anxiety, hatred, and intolerance towards others. It softens up your mind so that someone else's agenda can be implanted within you and then as a society we act upon this. In the same way it can be shown how advertising plays upon people's insecurities or need to keep up appearances when they use these techniques to sell their products.

So because of this I entered into a conversation with my higher self during this time of solitude in the woods. The first topic that was very concerning to me was the question of will I ever get rid of this entity that inhabits part of my psyche and is forever trying to implant these messages within me? The answer was to simply not think the thoughts that cause this dark entity to manifest. Yes well I have gotten good at that and I can use mantras to quell any aberrant thoughts that make their way past my defences. However am I only just suppressing these thoughts? Doesn't Freud say repressing these thoughts will lead to the expressing of these deep desires in another way which will be even worse? I want to get rid of the enemy. The answer came in the form of explaining to me what attachment is. If you still have the desire to entertain these thoughts then you will remain attached to them. When you transcend that desire then you do not need to suppress these thoughts anymore because they mean nothing to you. If you can't do that then you are stuck and you might as well get yourself mired knee deep again in that muck and filth. You have already experienced it and you were shown the result of that behaviour in a vision. Thoughts > Feelings > Actions > Consequences. Is that what you want to revisit? Do you still feel that pull? Attachments are very injurious to the soul. It will mean the death of the soul in this incarnation and you'll have to repeat the class. You have come this far and you now have the keys to unlock the doors to immortality and transcend this world of illusion. Would you like to give the keys back so you can partake in fleeting sensory pleasure once again? Haven't we been down this road before? How long did it take and what were the challenges presented to you in order to extricate yourself from the mess you had gotten yourself into? Are you seriously entertaining these thoughts? Well yes, they are tempting me I must admit to myself. It's sorcery and quite devious and I had hoped to have moved past this. You have moved past it and there is no need to revisit it unless you want to throw everything away. You have been taught many things which I know you now understand. Your journeys into altered forms of consciousness and the subsequent processing of the experiences have taught you many lessons. You know the importance of making yourself a holy vessel both physically and mentally that allows you to vibrate into a higher plane and you have experienced this. You know how this is possible and these things are no longer mysteries to you. The first time you entered into this strange world of spirits you were told all is vibration.

There was a specific reason you were told that so that years down the road when you really start to put together all the pieces of the puzzle you would use the knowledge of all being vibration to lead you to shed all your attachments to this material plane in order to raise the frequency of your vibration and transcend the physical plane. Attachments weigh you down and your adversary is operating the store that carries the heavy weights. He is literally attaching stuff onto who you are so that you have to haul this shit around. If you get weighed down by these attachments you never raise your vibration to a level that will allow you to break free of the prison that holds your soul captive. Remember now the weighing of the heart scene and the many depictions of it in ancient Egypt from the Book of the Dead.

What were they saying pictorially? Your heart needs to be as light as a feather. It's the weight, not the size. What do the Gnostics say is sin? It is attaching your soul to material pursuits. You have to shed your attachments. The adversary will always be there to give you the opportunity to indulge your senses and get attached once again. He's not going anywhere but you know well enough to not listen to him. There's no need to fear him. Have an awareness he will always be there looking for an in. When you are not at your best; when you slip from an ideal of purity then he will be there offering you drink and respite so he can get his hooks back into you. We all took part in creating the adversary and this world is essentially an academy for souls. We have to transcend what are called the seven deadly sins through multiple incarnations and trials. The seven heads of the beast; the seven hills of Babylon. Cut off the heads, climb all seven hills, find your way through the labyrinth of life, subdue the Minotaur, and head to the light. Find the pearl guarded by the dragon and then get out! It's quite the fool's journey. These symbols are expressions for this journey that we all undertake. It is by no means easy but when you reach the point where you understand all this and you have seen the light then it's time to shed the baggage, hit the accelerator, and get out of here! Trust me, you're almost home; you have been gone so long you don't even know where or what home is.

I do know this; I've just never put it all together or taken stock of where I stand. But in terms of attachment and desire I am curious about my thoughts and how these manifest into feelings that I then act upon. How can I, in this world, remain free of desire? You already know the answer though you have never put it all together. You see if you turn your thoughts towards your heart then you manifest feelings of love. You then express this love. It works both ways, the light or the dark, so it becomes a choice of what you want your thoughts to manifest. You are not suppressing anything, you just choose love. Love is the highest vibration you can attain and this is why you want to create a vessel of physical and mental purity in order to allow as much of this love into your being as possible. So the answers and this quest of yours boil down to one simple word. Love. Everybody already knows this. For something so simple it's very hard to choose isn't it? This goes back to the beginning of our discussion. Yes you will always have to contend with negative thoughts, these will never go away. Choose love, it's the only answer.