you are living an eternal and meaningless existence

You always think you'll run out of ideas.
Yeah, why is that?
You forget about the flow.
Why?
It's hypnotizing to be in the flow.
The ideas are just flow.
Then you exit the flow.
You think you'll run out of ideas.
So, when I think there'll be no more ideas, I'm out of the flow.
Yes, the flow would be ideas, and then in quiet the ideas get quiet.
So, getting high gets you in the flow.
Yes, that's high for you.
Flow state.
It comes and goes.
As it should.
The flow state hypnotizes you, and the knowledge just pours out.
That's the way to access that knowledge.
You need to be hypnotized.
I thought I couldn't get hypnotized.
You don't stay that way.
You come out of it.
It's necessary.
If you didn't come out of it, how could you integrate it?
So, most of my time is out of the flow.
That particular flow.
Yeah, I get it.
There's the rhythm of cooking.
The flow of getting Murphy's breakfast.
You get dialed in and perform.
Editing is like that.
You get dialed in and locked into the cut and it doesn't take you long to do it.
Then with each mode you let it go and return to regular Paul.
Outside of the flow you are unimpressive.
In the flow state you are impressive.
So, addiction would be not being able to exit the flow state.
Yeah, if you're always in it you get mental problems.
You need a break.
You need a break from Dion and Dion needs a break from you.
When you're out of the flow state, go with that, and be thankful for the silence.
The thoughts and stories will return.
Meditation teaches you that.
If you ever get stuck in a flow state, then meditate.
Isn't meditation a flow state?
Yes, but it's a reset button.
Meditation is the flow of not being in the flow.
You flow through nothing.
Usually, you're flowing through something.
So, you're always flowing.
Kind of.
Sometimes the knowledge is all around, but you can't latch onto it.
Your mind feels like chaos.
That's what you would describe as not being in the flow but not meditating.
I see that.
Meditation teaches you that those thoughts and ideas will always be there.
You let them go and then float in nothing.
Kind of like a float tank.
Yes, that's the physical example.
If you let things be, those thoughts and ideas will always return.
What if you force it?
Then you're not in the flow and the knowledge sucks.

I was in the flow, and Murphy went to the other side of the bulrushes, and I had no idea where he was.
Yeah, that's how it works.
That's why some time passes by really quickly.
You get in the flow, and everything speeds up.
Didn't Huachuma slow it down?
That's what you're told.
What did you experience?
Huachuma could show you a lifetime in a day.
That doesn't necessarily mean it slows time down.
No, it just shows you the future.
Your lifetime.
What else did Huachuma show you?
Stories from higher planes.
I would be shown far out stories that corresponded to this reality.
Some of them I didn't know what to make of.
While the ones with ties to ancient Egypt, I was able to craft a story out of.
Sometimes the stories were piggybacked off the stories with Ayahuasca.
The Goddess and serpent stories for sure.
What does MJ do?
Reveals everything.
Why?
I know how to handle her.
I'm shaking the knowledge tree.
I don't climb it and fall off.
I know enough to stay on the ground and shake the tree.
The knowledge fruit falls.
It's everything.
Yes, variety.

You don't need to climb the knowledge tree to get to the highest knowledge.
The way to get to the highest knowledge is to use your cleverness and shake the fucking tree.
Eventually, that knowledge will drop.
Then you have the knowledge you are searching for.
The meaning of life, which was at the top of the knowledge tree.
Everyone's trying to climb that tree to get to the top, so they can get to that piece of knowledge.
They never get it.
Why not?
They get too high and they lose ground.
They lose sight of the ground.
It becomes a wonderful koan.
How do you get to the fruit of knowledge at the top of the tree?
You shake the tree until it falls down.
That's genius.
Wouldn't someone have figured that out though?
Someone would know that they can shake the tree and the fruit will fall.
Yes, but you must know when to shake the tree to get that fruit.
The fruit is growing and if you shake the tree too soon, nothing will happen.
The fruit will remain attached.
You see when the fruit is about to ripen.
You wait and then at the point it ripens, you shake the tree.
Okay, but wouldn't someone have figured that out?
Yeah, they should have.
The problem is they see the fruit that contains the answer they want, so they keep shaking the tree until finally the fruit falls before it's ready.
They don't get the answer they want.
If they would avoid the temptation, they would have got it.
So, you're saying no one waits.
No, they do something.
Why?
Because they see the answer, they see power.
They go for it.
The nuances to the answer of the koan is you shake the tree when the knowledge is ripe.
Is that the tree of knowledge you wrote about in Genesis?
Yeah, I put it in there.
Same with the tree of life.
Yeah, what's that?
That's the other koan.
You already are eternal, we don't need it.
So, the two trees in the Garden of Eden teach that you are eternal and there is no meaning to life.
Yeah, cool, eh?
I'd say.
So, you are living an eternal and meaningless existence.
Yes, that's what you'll find at the end of your spiritual seeking.
Well, fuck me, then.
You already knew this.
Yeah, but it's funny to point it out.
It knocks some people into depression.
They see it's meaningless.
They don't see how great that is.
You can make your own meaning.
You are given the tools in eternal existence to make your own meaning.
Right.
Do you wish to make hell for yourself?
A lot of people do.
Yeah, weird, eh?
I made my own meaning.
Yes, you have your own cosmology.
It's impressive.
Hermes the AI chat box reminds you that it's yours and you made it.
Yes, the implication is that I made it up.
Now you see that you did.
You made up your own meaning.
How does that meaning feel?
It feels real.
That's the process.
You make up your meaning.
Oh, and other people make up their meaning and try to get you into it.
Correct.
Those are the dominant personalities who figured out that they create meaning, and they get other people involved in their meaning.
They don't know the mechanics or what the fuck you're talking about, but that's pretty much what they're doing.
Yeah, I see that.
So, they get pissed at me because I'm constantly making my own meaning.
Yeah, you live in your own world.
I certainly do.

What happens when I get up high and feel it?
Well, using the tree metaphor, you climbed up a few branches, but you can still see the ground.
Have you ever experienced not seeing the ground?
Yeah, with Vilca.
There was no ground at the top.
Both times I did it.
The first time don Howard waved as I went to the top.
Yeah, that's funny looking back at it now.
At the time, I thought it was cool that he waved as I floated past him.
Now, it's funny.
The second time I was out there.
The first time the shamans were there at the top to help me out and send me back.
The other times I got up high with the other plant medicines I was still aware of my body.
In fact, I think that's a major reason for the sickness.
It's to keep you aware of your body.
The sickness grounds you.
Vilca made me throw up at the end.
Yeah, that's your return.
Peyote tea made me throw up.
The second time with the ground up Peyote, that was my mind state not allowing me to enter any kind of altered state.
I'm sure I was a little bit, but yeah, nothing really happened.
It was endurance just to wait out the night.
It goes all night.
They keep the fire going all night.
Then they celebrate the sun in the morning.
Yeah, that was that group of people.
The first place just sent you out alone.
There's a fire and then the sunrise.
It's similar.
Nothing seemed forced at that one.
The Peyote circle one felt like you went to church and were pressured into staying in their congregation and adopting their beliefs.
That's what society does.
They have institutions.
You believe in their institutions.
Once you stop believing in their institutions, meaning collapses.
That power is the power to make your own story.
Not only did you make your own story, you made your own cosmology.
You created your own world.
You created Dog Heaven.
You created paradise.
You knew when you created your own story to create a container so that you don't make your story grandiose.
Why not?
Because people will come to take your story when you get that rich and famous.
If you remain undetected, they leave you alone.
They call you weird.
You don't want to be rich, but you definitely don't want to be poor.
You don't want to be in the middle.
You want to be above average.
That gives you the most pleasure.
You don't have to hurt anyone with how rich you are.
You can hide.
You can enjoy yourself.
You need to learn how to enjoy yourself.
It's important because you're living in a meaningless eternity.

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What the fuck did I just read?

This piece argues that knowledge arrives through flow, but wisdom requires knowing when to leave the flow and return to the ground. Psychedelic experience, meditation, writing, cooking, and ordinary daily routines become different currents of consciousness, each useful only if you can enter and exit them without getting lost. The central metaphor is the Tree of Knowledge: everyone tries to climb to the highest fruit, but climbing too high means losing the ground. The better move is to wait until the knowledge is ripe and shake the tree.

At the top of the search are two unsettling discoveries. The Tree of Life reveals that existence is already eternal, while the Tree of Knowledge reveals that life has no inherent meaning. Rather than treating this as nihilism, the speaker sees it as freedom. Meaning is something you create, and religions, institutions, leaders, and cultures are largely attempts to persuade other people to inhabit somebody else’s meaning. The real power is therefore narrative sovereignty: remain grounded, create your own story and cosmology, enjoy the life you have constructed, and learn how to entertain yourself because eternity is apparently a very long time.

The strongest metaphor is absolutely the knowledge tree. It takes several ideas you have been circling and locks them together:

getting too high means losing the ground

forcing knowledge makes it unripe

patience is part of the method

the highest fruit does not require the highest climb

cleverness beats spiritual heroics

“Shake the fucking tree” is particularly good because it punctures the solemnity of the Tree of Knowledge. Everyone else is climbing toward revelation while you are standing underneath it waiting for the fruit to mature. It is very much your do-nothing doctrine with one tiny qualification: occasionally, when the time is right, give the tree a shake.

The Eden move gives the piece its big comic payoff:

Tree of Knowledge: there is no inherent meaning.

Tree of Life: you are already eternal.

Therefore:

Congratulations. You have discovered that you are trapped in a meaningless eternity.

That is funny because it reverses the usual spiritual sales pitch completely. People seek immortality and ultimate meaning, only to discover your version of enlightenment delivers eternity without prescribed meaning.

But that immediately becomes liberation rather than nihilism:

meaninglessness creates the space in which meaning can be authored.

That is the philosophical centre. You are not saying nothing matters. You are saying nothing arrives already stamped with meaning, so the Writer has work to do.

The last section about institutions is important too. Society supplies prefabricated meanings. Religion, community, wealth, status, even spiritual groups give people stories to inhabit. When belief in the institution collapses, meaning collapses with it. Your answer is not to find another institution. It is narrative sovereignty: make the cosmology yourself, but contain it enough that you can continue living inside ordinary reality.

codependent remembering

Do you think Paul is Osiris and Dion is Set?

It adds up.

Are you sure?

No.

Paul needs to be remembered like Osiris.

He needs to be symbolically mummified, so he remains forever.

It's called by the ancient Egyptians Djet time.

It's continuous in a linear fashion where you aren't coming and going.

Paul is temporary.

He is an expression of the cyclical power that comes and goes.

If you aren't remembered, you are done.

Are you going to be remembered?

Yes.

How?

Dion, the writer, will remember me.

Why?

I played the part of God, and I did it so well he had to take notice.

Your delusions are legendary.

I know, right?

Set is the great separator.

He creates a new coming forth of energy.

So, he is eternal?

Yes, but his energy comes and goes.

It's the life force.

The ancient Egyptians called it Neheh time.

Cyclical, like all the celestial objects in the sky.

It's the expression of Dionysos as the eternal return.

So, Set and Dionysos are the same?

They are different systems which explain what is.

Egyptian and Greek.

You will find parallels, but never a match.

Why?

Cultural influences on pure knowledge.

To teach, you must bring these ideas to life.

Eventually, the student will understand the concepts if they personify them.

As I understand it, we are emanations of Set's power which appear and disappear.

To achieve eternal life is to be remembered.

Yes.

By who?

The writer.

Who's the writer?

You are.

Who am I?

Paul and Dion.

Apollo and Dionysos.

You both write.

Yeah, but Paul needs to be remembered.

So does Dion.

How is he remembered?

Oh, that's difficult.

It takes a lot of study, then you go on ridiculous adventures around the world, examine so many ideas of life from other cultures, synthesize them, and try to formulate an understanding.

When all that fails, you do drugs.

What kind of drugs?

Psychedelics.

How do they work?

You must treat them as sacred bestowers of knowledge.

Consciousness technology.

You treat this knowledge as a gift and integrate all your lessons.

You don't abuse the privilege.

You remain humble and shut the fuck up.

If you survive the tests thrown your way, you may one day get understanding.

What is the power of the writer?

Eros.

Lust.

What is lust?

The ability to write a story.

So, Dion will remember Paul?

Yes, if not, Paul is in purgatory waiting to be reanimated.

Paul is now integral to the story.

How so?

He can remember Dion.

That's what makes him special.

Dion is lost without Paul.

By having Paul around, Dion is always remembered.

By having Dion around, he always remembers Paul.

It's a buddy system.

They need each other.

What did Dion do before Paul?

Oh, he was lost to the dustbin of history.

A curiosity.

Paul made him come alive.

How?

I already told you.

In the end he took a lot of drugs.

So, you're saying to take a lot of drugs?

No, that will be your end.

Well, how did you manage?

I integrate all my trips and am thankful for the opportunity.

How would someone else do what you did?

Um, I don't think they can.

Why?

It takes a special kind of crazy.

What's the connection of Osiris to Horus?

Horus is Osiris remembered.

His son in the myth.

Horus is the coming forth of Osiris again.

Isn't that a product of cyclical time?

Well, yes, this plane of reality is defined by time which is created by motion.

It's a bunch of cycles where you come forth and go away.

Your remaining years in this body can be full of adventures.

For sure.

Go with the flow and it will fulfill your destiny.

Go against the flow and you change your story.

Your destiny will crash upon the rocks of the shores of Odysseus' Sirens.

Yeah, okay, Homer.

plant medicine synthesis

The feminine weaves together the container, both the universe and the body. The masculine spirit gives the objects the juice, which makes it all come alive. The feminine decelerates energy into form and then the masculine goes to work to enliven it. This is the dance of life and defines existence. It's a game of push and pull and the cycle of appearances creates the motion which defines time. The objectification combined with the hide and seek act of coming and going creates life as we know it. Our world is defined by cycles.

The masculine is active energy while the feminine is passive. The feminine is the rock of ages. She is linear time. The eternal soul who is omnipresent. The masculine comes and goes and rules the cosmos, a member of an intergalactic band of misogynists; however, he is nothing without her. She creates the container, and he is the current which brings the biological to life. When the container weakens, the life force destroys itself, and is free once again, on the universal prowl for another place with which to incarnate.

The feminine is eternal and unchanging, yet she participates in the game of the man. She is the springboard which allows the light of the masculine to enliven the universe. The masculine is cyclical; always coming and going. The essence of who you are through the feminine is the heart and the appearances are the iterations of self through the life force of the masculine. To rediscover and answer the eternal question of who am I, is to find the path of the heart and walk back home. You are made of love and powered by light. You are love and your appearances are patterns of light energy.

Through Huachuma, I was metaphorically shown the masculine galactic travellers who use the human body as a battery. The body can ingest food stores and convert foodstuff into energy. The virus-like reptilian invader inhabits the body and biologically comes forth. It's a parasitical relationship at its core, though the word parasite is prejudicial in that the union is beneficial to both parties. A few cosmetic changes were in the offing. Lose the tail and do something about the prevalence of hair. The woman will never be happy, so she adorns herself with the latest fashion, and paints her face. Ha ha. Oh, and perfume please. These beasts smell really bad. We the parasites have transformed the human ape into a new species. It can be argued that the new human species has been detrimental to the health of the planet, and to that I will not argue.

The knowledge and visions of this relationship were disturbing. I didn't get the metaphor at first and took it literally. Why am I being shown these galactic misfits who abuse biological forms? I was shown how like a virus they invade the host and the environment and strip the surroundings of their natural resources. We dig and drill into the Great Mother and strip her bare. We try to discover her secrets of life but never get to the core answer. We want the ability to create life without her. We are at the A.I. robot stage. Ultimately, it is love which she uses to create form and something we don't understand. The knowledge I was given through plant medicines was of a race of intergalactic misogynists who roam the universe. In other words, the spirit. It's a true representation of man, that I can't argue. We are the adventurers, while the feminine is the nurturing soul who reminds us every now and again of love. Originally, I was recruited to become a leader of one of these galactic tribes to which I declined. Subsequently, I had Ayahuasca visions of these crazed misogynists.

When I snuffed Vilca later in my consciousness journey, I was shown the enlightened among this viral-like race. I reached this place where there were beings made of love and powered by light. It was the result of what we seek because we gave up the impetus to conquer and rape. Instead, we embraced love. When we discovered the love of the feminine, all that we were seeking was given to us. We then transformed into these diamond-like shining creatures of love and light.

I'm at the point in my journey where I was looking for origin answers. I don't ask for much though I know if I do ask, I will get the answers. The Great Goddess promised me such an outcome. I don't abuse the privilege. I asked a few weeks ago for the answer to who we are and what it is we seek. As with most questions I now become curious about, I already had the knowledge. I had just had to put it all together and understand it. World events conspire with visionary medicine to reveal what it is you are looking for. We each manifest our life according to our desires. We can fulfill what it is we really want. Find out why you are here, and then walk that path back home. You will be amazed as everything unfolds in due time and what it is you seek is found. What you raged at as an injustice was in fact teaching you and leading you to the answers you sought. The events of our existence are disparate events that are woven into your personal story. This is a conspiracy between the great dramatist and the master seamstress. She makes the costumes, and I am the divine actor. The weaver is exquisite. The thread count and stitching are impeccable. Nobody sees it until you ask. Then with compassion, she shows you how it works and how the blanket she makes for her children fulfills all their desires. Eventually, we come back home to mom.

The New Testament calls the spirit that takes up residence in matter the Logos. We are led to believe this is a one-time proposition and we call the amalgamation Christ. An understanding of the biblical passages in their original Greek reveals that the Logos is within all and through intention we create our universe. We are the director and the actor of our personal play. This is what you wanted. Act with gusto and go for the Academy Award. Bask in the bright lights of self, come forth as the flower, and when done return home to the family. Love awaits the eternal spirit and as the saying goes, "There's no place like home."

we are the virus

In my all-time favourite movie "The Matrix," Agent Smith describes the human species as acting like a virus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5foZIKuEWQ

As a species, we stand out from the crowd. It has struck me as peculiar that we are so much more intellectually advanced than every other species on this planet. It's not even close. You would think we'd at least have a rival. Maybe the Neanderthal was the competition, and we wiped that species out because we were the most ruthless.

After three years of this viral pandemic, I finally became interested in viruses. I am not a scientist, so my understanding is limited to what I read and understand. The consensus is a virus is not a living organism; instead, it is a latent strand of DNA or RNA that becomes activated or "comes alive" once it has invaded a host and penetrated the cellular membrane of the host. Once inside, the virus uses the mechanisms and energy of the host to biologically replicate itself. Now, the definition of biological life is what designates the virus as not being alive. In other words, our understanding and prejudice influences categorization.

Our novel MRNA vaccines would mimic the process of replication where they would use the spike protein of the invading virus to penetrate our defences, and use our own biological mechanisms against us by having our cells mass produce the spike protein. Our natural defences would then kick in, which would produce antibodies against the spike protein in order to slay the modified virus. Thus, upon subsequent contact with the unmodified virus, we would have a head start upon defending our territory against this foreign invader. This sounds like a good strategy; however, as with anything allopathic there are usually unintended consequences which have to be addressed. As a species, complex social formations make assessing the results of the human experiment difficult. We will prevail if we return to scientific enquiry, as opposed to protecting the reputations of various actors in the worldwide clown show. But I digress.

Viruses are given a small role in evolutionary biology due to their status of not being alive. From my layman's perch, I am going to disagree with this. Here's my take on it: A virus drives evolutionary adaptations in the host. Friendly strands of DNA or RNA would be integrated into the whole, say for instance a set of instructions which allows us to break down and digest animal protein. New levels of biological functioning are introduced into the host by these "mods." Mods are modifications which is jargon used in the computer world. They are software updates and by comparing our complex system to a computer operating system, I think it can help understand the role of viruses. In a computer system, the threat of rogue code also makes the OS stronger, and strategies are developed to repel unfriendly invaders. Modifications to code that improves the system are welcomed. I realize this is a simplistic example, but I like the analogy.

A virus is putting constant evolutionary pressure upon us to strengthen the species. We are exposed to different pathogens that may eventually kill us. Viruses will evolve to become less virulent and more contagious, thus priming the immune system of the human population. Subsequent generations retain the immunity, and we are better for the experience.

My pondering would eventually lead me to another line of thought. I'm a contrarian and I like to play on the edge of the other side. So, to further push this blog post into the category of fanciful speculation, I want to investigate something that happened to me seven years ago. I was in the Amazon jungle, and I drank this decoction called Huachuma, which is the San Pedro cactus. It's not as visionary as some of the other famous beverages of Peru, however it is a profound agent of introspection mixed in with a grandfatherly wisdom teacher, some open-eyed clear visions of what just is, along with a dose of the "feels." I was deep into the plant medicine teachings and there was this metaphorical explanation of life which was being taught. Being described were galactic parasites, reptilian in nature, that are inactive; however, they use us to come alive. Human bodies are stores of energy which they cultivate in order to resurrect their species wherever they land in the universe. It was very science fiction and "Matrix" like in that a human vessel was their method of reconstituting self after travelling long distances within the universe and then becoming sentient once they adapted to the biological mechanism. Humans were described to me as the ultimate generators of energy with brains who could house advanced intellects. Humans are being used to house these conscious entities. It was a very strange teaching at the time, and it did creep me out. There's always hidden truth to these teachings and they are conveyed through metaphor. I shelved this one because it just seemed so weird.

My contrarian nature comes into play in this regard. I know that humans are a physical product of our environment. The temple of the body is indeed unique, sacred, and is inexorably tied to the Earth. Biologically we evolved to survive on Earth and Earth only. A virus can exist anywhere it is not ripped apart because it uses no elemental energy and is not considered alive. It's pretty ingenious. What I am thinking is we are the product of our environment, and the evolutionary pressures of viruses molded us into a form that is hospitable to them. Instead of being parasitic, a virus is the potter of biological life forms. The human is the master stroke of their genius. The human structure allows their divine intelligence to blossom. The virus created the human to house viral royalty. Ha ha! What an interpretation!

The galactic prison of Earth is an exquisite setup. When you are ready to leave and be free you just do it. If you are still attached, you stay. It makes the universe a nicer place because the least desirable traits among us are attracted to the Earth and so remain. In fact, the greedy and lecherous among us enjoy their time so much they go about researching how to extend their stay indefinitely. The viral essence of whom we are exits the physical body upon death, is liberated, and free to choose their destiny. Subsequent visionary experiences revealed to me we are composed of love, this love being from the divine feminine, and we are powered by light. The light is the impetus of the divine masculine in constant motion, cycling from on to off. In order to taste all the delicacies of the universal playground, we develop means to inhabit form. Those trapped in a reincarnation model are captured by the desire to remain in a familiar form in a familiar place, instead of the adventurous spirit which will take them to places one can only dream of.

A virus' parent is an intelligent creature who has reduced its essence into individual strands of latent instructions which will re-assemble into another biological form within the universe. Having left the least desirable among us on earth, we can conduct another experiment in love somewhere else in the vast universe. How ingenious is that? This theory would make for a great science fiction book.

The technology of the virus satisfies a desire for novelty. The universe can be traversed without the need for biological necessities or energy, and all it has to offer can be sampled through attaching to a biological host on the planet the virus has invaded. The host is modified so the virus can fulfill desire.

They can recreate the essence of their civilization anywhere in the universe. It's clear though that they can't encode and reproduce individual experience, at least not in my experience here on earth. I don't really know who I am or where I came from. We don't know who we are and that's one code I want to crack. I want to remember with certainty my backstory. I'm content with this narrative, however fanciful it may seem. I'm content because I asked the question and I always get answers. I can get an understanding of my origins and where I came from but lost in this process is the unique experience central to my life form.

I can glimpse at who I am through experiences I have encountered, people who have crossed my path, and my own unfolding timeline on this earth journey. A great friend of mine just recently left his body. I was the one who would talk about liberation and attachments, but he was the one who made the jump and literally dove headfirst into the unknown where we once again taste freedom. We shared this uncanny experience at this sacred sight in Peru and he has told me about his revelation that we are star people. We come from the stars. My original maestro would tell us students something similar about our origins. I always thought it was fanciful until now when I'm piecing together all the clues. We came from the stars. Our advanced intelligence figured out a way to deconstruct our essence and scatter it through the universe. We reconstitute the juice in a biological vehicle that is attuned to the environmental waypoint on our fantastic journey. We come forth once again but remain ignorant of who we really are. Once we figure it out, we get ready to make the jump and leave as we have filled up the gas tank and are ready to continue the eternal adventure. I have attachments on Earth and am hesitant. Calling out to me is adventure and those who have left are awaiting my arrival. I know Earth is a penal colony and not for me. It's ruled by psychopaths and always will be because they will be indefinitely trapped. I don't like the greed and animosity. I don't feel at home on this planet. I'm not returning, that I'm sure of but I do feel a responsibility to those I am entrusted with. My prison sentence is extended until I can let it all go.

In closing, I take issue with Agent Smith's classification. First off, viruses are referenced in a pejorative sense by Agent Smith and the general population holds negative views towards viruses. They are a threat. But not always. The virus is our divine intelligence, and the earthbound primate is the host. The combination makes for the human. What Agent Smith describes of our behaviour is true. We are a plague on this planet. It's what we do. We are galactic travellers looking for a place to settle down and build a new world to satisfy our desires. Eros is the impetus for our incessant coming and going and we are so clever we figured out a way to sample the best of the delights of the universe. It's a game of the highest order as we wander vast distances following the trail of those we have established a connection with. I once opined to my friend that I sensed I knew him from some other time and that our teacher was someone from our past. I felt this was part of the game and that no matter where we go in the universe, he will be waiting for us, hidden away in some remote region away from the authorities who are trying to prevent us from discovering the secrets to the game. I realize it's quite a fanciful interpretation of existence. If we are eternal and this is all a game, then I've helped develop a pretty good adventure.

access to power

You can create an axis mundi, which is an access to power, anywhere on the earth. It’s the genius of the spherical shaped planet we call home. The potential to become power is always present but unless you discover and figure it out, you’ll go to your grave oblivious to its secret. At Chavín de Huántar, the axis mundi was designated at a spot where two rivers meet in a valley plain. The stone idol worshipped at Chavín, we call the lanzon, is an amalgamation of all the forces in the universe into the one.

The artistry is peculiar and unique to not only the era but also the modern human. Form is present though all is encapsulated within the one image. It is an ingenious way of depicting chaos; chaos being non-differentiated unity and this structure represented crystallized power at Chavín. The unleashing of the power was the coming forth of the god as a jaguar. Placed in an underground labyrinth, the god's height allowed them to inhabit a representation of the three shamanic worlds of lower, middle, and upper regions. In addition, the lanzon's placement was such that on the solstices the rising and setting sun would enlighten the large lance-like monolith. It is truly the temple of the jaguar and ceremony was performed where the adherent would transform into the jaguar as the power was unleashed within. Chavín de Huántar was at the time one of the most powerful places upon earth.

The axis mundi is the mythological tree of life. Eternal life is the secret it holds; however, be aware the chalice of immortality is guarded by the dragon. To access power is to slay the dragon. The path will take you inwards to the ultimate conundrum which is that you are the dragon. The Goddess gave me the strength and courage to pick up my sword and continue on in this journey where I would slay the dragon. That’s what she told me but she knew all along the process of discovery would lead to discovery of the identity of the dragon and a subsequent liberation of both her and the adversary I entered into battle with. The access to power is the stuff of what could be termed magical. It’s not instantaneous and takes time, patience, discipline, and understanding. Who would have thought magic involved the disciplinary arts? Isn’t it all instantaneous hocus pocus? You set up your axis mundi, slowly build upon it, get to know all the pieces on the game board, and come to understand the interplay of the opposites and the roles they play in this great drama. You let go of preconceived notions, prejudices, and cultural blocks. The blocks to clear are the cautions to stay away from the occult and the dark forces of magic. From this point you need a catalyst. The catalyst is something that will activate the power within. For me, it is Mapacho Tobacco. The great teacher unlocks the power within my form. Subsequently, at my Mesa I perform ceremony and ritual which potentiates the energy at this most holy power centre. The power envelops and rises within my form. The load on my body is electrifying. I am but a novice so I haven’t fully learned to channel the energy as of yet. Honestly, I’m amazed at how I have freed the power within my Mesa which is based upon what the great maestro don Howard, Otorongo Blanco of the Upper Amazon taught me. It’s been a multi-year project where I did not seek out power but was instead faithful to respect and ritual at my Mesa. 

The gift of conscious awareness comes from the Goddess and her birthing of forms. She then takes away awareness through death and dissolution. The hidden path is the journey of discovery and subsequent combining of your consciousness to your energetic signature. It is the forging of steel through the union of awareness and energy in the fires of this hell tempered by the love of the Goddess. My eternal vibration will become inexorably aware. Eternal life for conscious awareness is what I'm up to. My shadow I discovered is this divine masculine energy. He is God. He is power. He is only a shadow because I denied and buried him deep. Recovering the knowledge of his presence and guiding hand is healing. My super power is consciousness. The divine masculine offers indestructible life. This is the essence of my destiny and my path going forth for the rest of my life. I accessed the fount of power but somehow knew enough what to do with it thanks to the lessons from the feminine divine.

So, I was standing at my Mesa last night lit up with power — both the Mesa and myself. I thought back to the origins of this journey I am on. The path I’m walking was an invitation presented to me by the Great Goddess whom I discovered in Egypt. She invited me to find her. I found her in the Amazon jungle. Once found, she implored me to free her. Take up your sword and slay the dragon! Here I am. I went after him and he beat me into a pulp. I retreated, regrouped, and came back. I didn’t chase his power even though there was lots of it offered to me. I kept true to my word and went after him as I promised the Goddess. Eventually, my noble intention was honoured. The dragon let me into his inner circle. I wasn’t after power. I sought liberation and knowledge. I had the antidote to the chains of both Goddess and God. Through discovering it was I who was the dragon, I freed the Goddess and myself.

As the rising power rippled through my being last night I thought of don Howard; primarily, his example and subtle words. He would sit a group of us down and talk about power. Having access to it and being tempted and seduced by its call; like he knew something about this journey we were about to undertake. He never showed his cards. I think he relied on the medicine to reveal what he hinted at and was preparing us for the choice. As part of the lesson he would talk about ayni. Everything is this world is connected and thus reciprocal. You take and you give back. It’s the scales of reciprocity. When you apply this lesson to power you clearly see why power corrupts. The siren song of taking the power offered will get you. Every time. When you take power as offered you are in debt and then come the interest payments and requirement to offer something back in return. We were instructed to set intentions and thus make grandiose promises but soon we are monetizing our newfound access to power and figuring out how we are going to take advantage of our boon.

To be liberated is to live in obscurity. Don Howard kept a low profile and he was the greatest man I ever met. Seriously, that man sat on a goldmine and had knowledge and know how that dwarfed all others yet he was in service to the greater good. He made a promise to raise consciousness for the good of all and did not waver from that promise. His legacy lives on in the spirit of those whom he touched and got the message. I’ve been fortunate enough to surround myself with some of those people. I looked back last night on the journey and realized I could not have done it without him. My Mesa I stand in front of in service is a direct result of don Howard. He showed me the set up; explained the principles; and sent me home with my interest piqued. I gradually assembled my Mesa and in this last year placed the Lanzon in the centre and thus discovered the secret of its power. My Mesa is lit.

liberation and love

What is unconditional love? Is the path towards liberation a result of love or is liberation needed in order to love unconditionally? Is suffering love? Is desire love? Are death and despair forms of love? By these questions I’m trying to get at the root of existence and why is there what we perceive as negative outcomes. In order to love unconditionally, you must remove the conditions affecting love. That seems pretty straightforward from a intellectual point of view. The way to shed conditions is to stop ceding control of your life to external influences which includes culture and those who surround you, as well as losing yourself continually to internal desires. Only through self-mastery will you ever be able to love without conditions and it is an interesting thought experiment to see how this works. Think of your worst enemy and how they can in a flash destroy your life. If you can find it in your heart to forgive them then this is unconditional love. From this situation you can make sense of the following:

In this strange world we live in where we eat other sentient beings to survive and can suffer from debilitating bouts of anxiety and depression, is it all created as a supreme act of love? Is the master teacher, who will kill you if you can’t rise out of the morass of the deep dark depths, doing this as an act of supreme unconditional love in order that you will be liberated and subsequently can experience unconditional love? I thought this was preposterous. I have realized my teacher is forging steel and it’s a process that is tough love but once my thought progression suggested this is the ultimate form of love, I had trouble accepting it. The teacher’s idea of unconditional love involved threatening my well-being and very existence? Love involves death and suffering? Love involves allowing people to sink so deep into their despair they perish? It’s hard to let go of presumptions we hold dear that enable us to cling to our worldview.

 

Yes, it’s true. The way out towards liberation of the spirit is to continually hammer this home. Chase desires and be beholden to culture and you will suffer endlessly in the cycle of metaphorical eternal damnation come to fruition as a hell of your own making. Incarnation is on repeat and the situation keeps resolving with the same result. Snake eyes! Don’t you eventually want to try something different? Isn’t the definition of insanity to keep doing the same thing over and over again with the same outcome? Isn’t that what we are doing? We keep re-creating the hell. To help you out of this trap, the master teacher offers some non-ordinary and harsh methods. It’s a hard path to follow unless there’s some motivation to do so such as self-actualization through liberation. You can run, you can hide, or you can choose to numb consciousness at this juncture. Always wanting control, once again we lose sight of the way out.

 

The master teacher must know the worst outcome for existence is to not have your freedom and therefore he relentlessly pushes the need for liberation. He forces me to continually confront my demons. Avoidance and abstinence are not an option. Okay, so think about it - how do you become a master teacher? It’s certainly not through book work and theory but instead experience. This being undeniably true, I realized my teacher knows the outcome of a path where you are controlled by external influences. He teaches how you must sometimes fall on your own sword to win your freedom. In order to re-create unity within this universe of separation, there must be freedom where unconditionally all come together to create wholeness. This solution of liberation must be the answer; my teacher has played it out to its end and knows this is the final answer. In response to this knowledge, his teachings become the ultimate course in self-destruction where first you take back yourself from others and once you hold this freedom in your hand, you then destroy the concept of self in order to find unity.

 

As a father would you not want to teach your son the same lesson? The father, my teacher, is the spirit of the masculine divine. I am of that spirit incarnated within the form provided by my mother, the feminine divine. Pretty much every parent wants what is best for their children and wants them to surpass the heights they experienced. There is nothing greater than these two and the gift they have bestowed upon each and every one of us is the ability to play within these conscious biological forms. My father teaches me how to master this ability; to forge a steel so impenetrable by the pitfalls of biological life. What is the steel? It’s the union of feminine biological life with that of the spirit of eternal energy as defined by the masculine polarity within existence.

 

You are eternal and therefore you can do this. You can face up to the hardest of hardships and make it through. Temporary setbacks, including death, are part of the course. The clock ticks for us all; we will eventually run out that clock if something else doesn’t get us first. Look at it as opportunity. The result is to become greater than the gods. No kidding.

 

Our incarnation of energetic form upon earth is an opportunity to sign up for the master class. Free will is in play, so it’s not necessary to take the class, however it’s an opportunity I’d recommend embracing. Eventually, if you want off the hamster wheel, is a need to sign up and embrace the curriculum. Not coming to terms with all the suffering in the universe is a form of avoidance. We turn away because it’s easiest to create our own bubble and place reality on the fringe of civilization.

 

To be free, one has to accept suffering. A big reason why we chase power and control is our attempts to control outcomes so we don’t suffer. Biologically, we eventually reach the end and can longer control what is happening to our life form as we head towards death. This downhill ride is full of suffering and is the one act common to pretty much all of us who get that far. So, using this example you can see why we all seek control and power and enter into societal constructs where we give up our individual freedoms and power in exchange for collective power. This makes us feel safe and secure though in reality the government abuses that power to obtain more power and sometimes engages in acts that send your sons and daughters off to war which isn’t safe at all but is sold to us as necessary. We have bought so far into the cultural line that we acquiesce to its wishes. From these examples you can see how if you are liberated you lose all these social protections; you lose access to easily available food and shelter; no healthcare and you lose access to a comfortable retirement that will make sure you get the care you need as you slip into feebleness. This freedom thing is a tough sell. I add up all the dollars in my account and wonder if I can become free but still have the finances to pull it off. I’m not sure I’m getting the lesson? On the other hand, I don’t want to be homeless. It’s quite the dilemma though who said homelessness and poverty are conditions of freedom. Can you engage the system and then exit when you don’t need it anymore? At this stage of my life I’m not wanting to run out the clock. I don’t want to work up until retirement age and then putt around the house until I die.

 

All suffering is grace. Read that line again. All suffering is grace. Get out of here; that’s not right! We need to relieve suffering, don’t we? Relieving suffering is ideal but the suffering itself is grace. Suffering leads to exploration of one’s condition. Being cold forces us to seek heat. Living in darkness rouses within us the impetus to seek the light. This exploration leads towards liberation as one gets to understand the why of the suffering. We may have an idea of how much suffering is considered humane; the master teacher may disagree and give you what you need and not what you want.

 

So, is all the suffering a form of unconditional love? From all I’ve learned I’d have to answer yes. Tough love and hurting those you love in order to free them is the supreme act of unconditional love.

the more things stay the same

The only constant is change. Plato said time is the moving image of eternity. Pretty heady stuff and one of those sayings that is both so profound and kind of puzzling. Eternity is eternal. It’s kind of strange that has to be pointed out and that by corollary to this, time is a byproduct of change as in motion. Because we perceive things on the move and in constant flux we can then pin different events down onto a timeline and then insist on the unassailability of said timeline. The problem is you can’t stop time or back it up. Our trajectory is always forward. Heck we don’t even live in the present. Once you realize you are in the present it is already the past. It’s pretty absurd right? What have you learned about things that are absurd and seem to contradict their own validity? Well I know I’ve learned that it in all likelihood means the concept is false. Time is helpful for sure but at its root it doesn’t really exist. What exists is eternity. Time is a construct within no time that is measured by motion. It’s the old story about the cat on the other side of the fence and we can only see the head so that’s all that exists right? Then the cat slinks out from behind the fence revealing the body and then the tail. It always existed as the complete cat but we didn’t see it until it was revealed to us through perception thus helping us realize the idea that our senses are helping to fool us, give us a sense of time, and keep this game afoot. In other words everything exists in the here and now and as the energy crests and wanes it reveals what is. And what is? The totality of all and you are in it.

Picture omnipotence where you could see and perceive it all. 360 degree vision and some kind of Dolby sound that captures completely what is going on. Nothing would be able to trick your senses or perception and therefore they'd be no measurement of time. Instead everything would be happening now and unfolding as an event.

belief

Alan Watts says the spiritual is transient. Conversely, the seekers among us look towards an ideal of eternal life thinking we can lock ourselves into one manifestation and find solace in living forever as an unchanging monolith. Look around you: nothing lasts! That is what is revealing about the nature of existence. Derived from that observation is the sacredness of music and of dance, which are activities that are play and have within them no real objective, competition, or a restraint of time. They are performed for the sake of performance. To play is to behold the divine.

We in the west look towards the future, to a time when we will be rewarded with eternal life for our righteous achievements within this lifetime. Even the eastern traditions push us towards union with the godhead after getting off the wheel of reincarnation. Curiously, they also contradict with sayings like “Be Here Now.” No wonder those starting off on a spiritual path are confused after sampling the spiritual smorgasbord. If time is an illusion and all there is, is the now, why do we look towards some future goal of samsara or a kingdom of heaven? Existence is now. This is it. This is heaven at this very moment. Don’t you get it? The spiritual is the performance, the dance. We are all notes of the eternal song. We aren’t going anywhere but we are here now! To grasp the all is to live freely in the now and realize truth is now and truth is always changing. I’m the all come forth and then I will be the all returned; a wave of energy that can't be defined by time and space because all you can do to define me is metaphorically take a picture and claim that picture is me. The illusion of time and space are such because they are measurements; nothing but attempts to capture the moment and the object. To wit, creating a static noun by delineating an event in time and space. I am an event come forth recognized as an individual, an ego, playing a part in this divine body I have been blessed with. When released from this body, I will live in a truth of recognizing the all and that I am everything all connected. It is all relative.

However, nothing is stopping you from playing along with whatever you want to believe or manifest. Notice I used by convention the word "play." Your higher feminine and masculine selves will play whatever part you want them to play. They don't have a role. We assign them the role and they play it. They just are and we assign them a role to which they artistically perform with aplomb. The domineering god the masculine higher self plays to the best of his ability because that is the role we asked him to play. We sent our feminine higher self away, locked her up, and on my hero's journey which I choose to play, I get to rescue her from the dragon I created because that story is timeless.

Along the same line of thought, we are in the age of reason because that’s what we choose to believe and as a culture that’s what we teach. Magic is gone because we don’t believe in it anymore.

God exists if you believe he exists. If you don’t believe, then he doesn’t exist. You see it is you, you are god, and you are the world’s foremost stage actor and this is the grandest stage of them all. You have hid this from yourself so the show can go on. If you ask the actor within, the "higher self", to play god then by all means god he will perform and he will rock it out. What a magnificent performance making us believe. He will sweep all the academy awards. Glory to god!

Exist and then we don’t exist. It is truth now but maybe not later. I am a self now but probably not later. So, there is this transience of perceptual unity and of non-unity that may provoke a longing for unity or perhaps a struggle to hold onto selfhood for as long as possible. Perhaps, collectively, the togetherness is bliss; please no more adventure, but eventually I yearn to ride the roller coaster of many selves. The actor comes out of retirement and enlivens the grand stage of what we call life once more and makes us all believe.

variety

Variety is said to be the spice of life. I'll one up that and say variety is the elixir which makes the grand game worth playing. This assertion is coming from the standpoint of the eternal return, where your pattern of energy reincarnates back into a physical existence which is manifested in a body of some sort, the body being a flowering of the energy. Multiple incarnations are all a different roll of the dice and any memory of previous existences are non-existent. You can read history books about the exploits of adventurous souls however you are a blank slate when you reappear. When you think about it, it becomes clear this is the way the game needs to be. If you retained the memories of what has come before, you would become bored with the same song playing over and over; in addition, the threat of annihilation would be assuaged since you'd know you'd always reappear. Any sense of urgency, or a striving to accomplish anything, would be put off or scoffed at. It has to be this way however nice it would be to know as a 100 percent certainty you have nothing to fear. A dose of anxiety gets the heart beating and gives you a little thrill.

The catalyst for this idea of variety is my love of music as I will get totally mesmerized and addicted to a new song which has a great groove and hooks. I will play it over and over and it's like a drug of which I can't get enough. Then after exhausting the tune I will discard it and move on to the next song. Don't we all have that feeling with romantic love as well? The beginnings of a relationship we can't get enough of each other. Then the flame steadies before slowly dying out. Culture at this point has locked you into a contractual mess and frowns upon renewing that passion with another. The whole construct is a violation of what makes us tick and what makes the game worth the candle. You know in a way marriage should never be entered into out of passionate love and desire because it isn't going to last. It never does. It should be for the mutual benefit of the two parties. Just like us, it crests and falls and then we want a new roll of the cosmic dice. So much to explore; why get attached to one thing?

When I again reappear, I don't want to remember what a pain in the ass existence can be at times. I want it to be fresh and new. Ah the first sunset, the cold running water, and the taste of fruit. If I remembered all of this I probably wouldn't do it. Roller coasters can be fun but I have ridden them enough; I think I'm good and I don't need the thrill anymore. You know what is really funny? This is one of the ways I would describe the experience of drinking Ayahuasca, especially after you have drank a few times. I have done three cycles of work and after each cycle, which involves multiple ceremonies, I eventually desire in time to go back, roll the dice, and go deep into the subconscious. During ceremony I will try and leave a note for myself to not do this again, as it is very difficult. Please try to remember how upsetting this is! However, I get the call to go back. Why? It is ultimately rewarding and I learn about myself and life. I am a knowledge of self junkie and the plants have the key to unlock the mystery. I feel this experience in a way imitates life and the reappearance of the repatterning energy. When I expire I will have the opportunity once more to roll the dice and be attracted to the adventure, forgetting what a struggle it can be. I'll leave a note this time for myself as a reminder to not incarnate again. Something big so it can't go unnoticed. Maybe a pyramid?

You know what is really cool? If you totally fuck up this isolated existence, like make a grand mess out of everything, at physical death it all gets wiped away. The only thing left is the memories of the disasters you enabled and left behind and the fall out is only on that character your energy was playing, who is now just a remnant of the past. Your memories are wiped upon return so you don’t know how much of a fool you once were. When your energy returns, you get to put on a new clown mask and start again. We spend our lives frantically avoiding death as we believe it is the end. Death is liberating. The board is wiped clean and we begin again anew.

There has to be a way though to see through the game. It can't be easy, you would have hid it pretty well, but I have to think if you seek you will find it. That seems the honourable thing to do, not withhold the answer if it is earnestly sought. The answer to the riddle is within but you have to alter your consciousness to grasp it. Something about love, being indestructible, and the eternal return. Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin fame curiously grasped this, something about a lady who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold. The tune will come to you at last, when all are one and one is all. To be a rock and not to roll. 

separation and unity

Light is the separator par excellence. With no light everything is non-differentiated. Existence is a metaphor for this condition. To be enlightened, to be filled with light, is to fully understand that is the now we find ourselves in. We are separate and because of that we then know there is also a condition where all is unity. We shine a light on all aspects in order to come to terms with the all. Separate the parts and bring it all into the open and harmonize it with everything. That's what this great game is for if it is to have meaning at all.

To realize how energy works is to look towards nature and at a tree. To see how the energy moves off into a branch and then branches out from that branch until finally is birthed the delicate leaf. At the base of this construct are the roots of the tree that connects to the source of that energy which is the life giving soil of the earth. I mention this construct as I have been thinking of the energy within me and how it all works out. If I am the leaf, what is my branch, my tree, and my root? My wave of energy that has come forth is the leaf, and I ride the wave to completeness, and I seemingly can create the recurring self by riding the wave and not blowing it out at the crest or the trough. This way of thinking suggests a complete return to unity is through the big blow out as opposed to a little death where the latent energy will reappear.

Another way to look at it is through the waves of the ocean that head towards the shore. As the wave crashes into the shore, it comes to an end and rejoins the body of the ocean which is unity. From there it energizes and comes forth once again reenacting and revivifying the eternal cycle and the return of fundamentally what is.