Monday, January 28, 2019


Variety is said to be the spice of life. I'll one up that and say variety is the elixir that makes the grand game worth playing. This assertion is coming from the standpoint of the eternal return where your pattern of energy reincarnates back into a physical existence that is manifested in a body of some sort, the body being a flowering of the energy. Multiple incarnations are all a different roll of the dice and any memory of previous existences are non existent. You can read history books about the exploits of adventurous souls however you are a blank slate when you reappear. When you think about it, it becomes clear this is the way it needs to be. If you retained the memories of what has come before you would become bored with the same song playing over and over; in addition the threat of annihilation would be assuaged since you'd know you'd always reappear. Any sense of urgency, or a striving to accomplish anything, would be put off or scoffed at. It has to be this way however nice it would be to know as a 100 percent certainty you have nothing to fear. A dose of anxiety gets the heart beating and gives you a little thrill.

The catalyst for this idea of variety is my love of music as I will get totally mesmerized and addicted to a new song that has a great groove and hooks. I will play it over and over and it's like a drug I can't get enough of. Then after exhausting the tune I will discard it and move on to the next song. Don't we all have that feeling with romantic love as well? The beginnings of a relationship we can't get enough of each other. Then the flame steadies before slowly dying out. Culture at this point has locked you into a contractual mess and frowns upon renewing that passion with another. The whole construct is a violation of what makes us tick and what makes the game worth the candle. You know in a way marriage should never be entered into out of passionate love and desire because it isn't going to last. It never does. It should be for the mutual benefit of the two parties. Just like us, it crests and falls and then we want a new roll of the cosmic dice. So much to explore; why get attached to one thing?

When I again reappear I don't want to remember what a pain in the ass existence can be at times. I want it to be fresh and new. Ah the first sunset, the cold running water, and the taste of fruit. If I remembered all of this I probably wouldn't do it. Roller coasters can be fun but I have ridden them enough; I think I'm good, I don't need the thrill anymore. You know what is really funny? This is one of the ways I would describe the experience of drinking Ayahuasca, especially after you have drank a few times. I have done three cycles of work and after each cycle, which involves multiple ceremonies, I eventually desire in time to go back, roll the dice, and go deep into the subconscious. During ceremony I will try and leave a note for myself to not do this again, as it is very difficult. Please try to remember how upsetting this is! However I get the call to go back. Why? It is ultimately rewarding and I learn about myself and life. I am a knowledge of self junkie and the plants have the key to unlock the mystery. I feel this experience in a way imitates life and the reappearance of the energy repatterining. When I expire I will have the opportunity to roll the dice once more and be attracted to the adventure, forgetting what a struggle it can be. I'll leave a note this time for myself as a reminder to not incarnate again. Something big so it can't go unnoticed. Maybe a pyramid?

You know what is really cool? If you totally fuck up this isolated existence, like make a grand mess out of everything, at physical death it all gets wiped away. The only thing left is the memories of the disasters you enabled and left behind and the fall out is only on that character your energy was playing, who is now just a remnant of the past. Your memories are wiped upon return so you don’t know how much of a fool you once were. When your energy returns, you get to put on a new clown mask and start again. We spend our lives frantically avoiding death as we believe it is the end. Death is liberating. The board is wiped clean and we begin again anew.

There has to be a way to see through the game though. It can't be easy, you would have hid it pretty well, but I have to think if you seek you will find it. That seems the honourable thing to do, not withhold the answer if it is earnestly sought. The answer to the riddle is within but you have to alter your consciousness to grasp it. Something about love, being indestructible, and the eternal return. Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin fame curiously grasped this, something about a lady who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold. The tune will come to you at last, when all are one and one is all. To be a rock and not to roll. 

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