Monday, June 29, 2020

end game

I was tasked with studying the knowledge bequeathed to me by plant teachers about vibration and the different frequencies we can tune into. We default to the current frequency that is dominant in the world today which is very masculine. It’s the paradigm of logic and reason that has as its flip side intolerance and individuality that is fed by fear. The result is a scarcity mindset that compels us to accumulate possessions for the self instead of being mindful of the planet and all that inhabit the earth. Indeed, I have learned over the course of a lifetime that you will find the extremes in all behaviour, if you look closely. Typically, you do not see it manifest in just one person but if you look at the result of what following this vibe does as a whole than it becomes clear. It’s now hard to ignore the environmental destruction foisted upon the planet due to this mindset of greed; projecting this out into the future of humanity does paint a pretty bleak future.

From this situation is realized the importance of consciousness and raising it. What this means is changing the default mode of the vibration we are stuck in and in conjunction with that goal, over the course of the last seven years I have come to realize that is what plant medicine work excels at. From my perspective, I didn’t see it for a while because once again I was just looking at myself and noticing how it was changing the way I live and want to live which was all well and good but when I looked at the world at large I saw there was no hope. Eventually, I came to realize that the work is to be done one person at a time and then is reached a tipping point where enough are tuned into a different frequency and from that base of consciousness will flower into the world its fruits. Instead of planetary destruction and greed, we will as a whole respect Pachamama and love all, lose the scarcity mindset, and take care of our sisters and brothers. Fundamentally, this inclusive mindset will allow us to see our undeniable connections, with a realization we are all in this together. When we come together, all that holds us back will fall by the wayside.

I have my own thoughts about existence, what all this is about, and it’s not something I intend to argue about, require others to believe, or want to foist upon them. To sum up my beliefs: This universe is the dream of a totally integrated and whole conscious being who is the union of the feminine and masculine. We are living in the psychic manifestation of the wholeness splintering into many forms in order to self reflect upon all that makes itself tick. A psychotherapist knows they cannot examine themself; so, what we have here is the scientific reduction of the great self into all its constituent parts, thrown in with a dose of amnesia in order to study the division. Some of these forms will wake up within the dream; however, that is all part of the study. What is gleaned out of the experiment is no matter what situation consciousness finds itself in, eventually the energy will awaken and find a path back home. Within each splinter of unity is the key to find the way back home to whom you really are; in other words, contained within you is the whole universe. When you wake up, even though you are just a splinter of that energy, it contains the potentiality of everything and you are that everything.

So, why I included this primer in this screed is I’m trying to figure out what the end game or purpose of all this is. Ultimately, it is a game and has no purpose but the flip side to that is the game is to study behaviour and how to go about changing it. There are no absolutes therefore the darkness within the world has an artificial bottom and can go either way as in becoming total deprivation or elevated consciousness. I think that is a clue in that the potential is always present; however, if consciousness is raised and we operate from a base modality of loving inclusiveness, the extremes can be mitigated. This is a lot different than what is preached in our religions where we have constructed the all-being as being the epitome of light and love; though that love is conditional and comes with some punishments, if not followed. But I digress. What I am trying to say is that there needs to be a recognition within consciousness of the darkness and its ability to be really dark. To put it another way, god can be the worst demon imaginable.

We are to raise the vibration of the energy instead of constantly lowering it. I think that is the game in a sense and the outcome is what we make of it. Does the dream end when we all find the love vibe or conversely does it end when we destroy ourselves? Is the free will of consciousness the experiment in that the outcome is unknown and so this simulation to see what the result of a freeing of consciousness with free will would entail? Would it lead to a world of shared joy or would it devolve eventually into a morass that would destroy itself? I think that’s what is playing out and the result is still up to us and how we want to play it out. Nothing is predetermined; instead, our world is a way to peer into the nature of self. Our potentiality, behaviours, and the need for improvement must have been known to the all dreamer. The eventual result is a huge insight into the nature of “god” and ultimately what needs to reconciled. It’s not like there is a time limit so if another simulation must be run, and there are probably many simulated universes on the go, than so be it.

It is an interesting theory I have posited here as I do fundamentally believe this is a stage play and we write the script as we go along. In combination with that sentiment, there is nothing we need to do in terms of salvation or to achieve eternal life. We all are shards of god playing out a part so that we can know self. However, I now tend to believe that there is a reason for all this in the same way a psychoanalyst can take a patient’s dream and learn much from the symbolism and behaviour present in the dream. In this case, the analyst and the patient are one in the same so the trick was to separate this out so no one is the wiser. Or, at least keep the charade going long enough so that when the inquisitor wakes up they don’t screw up the game too badly.

Monday, June 22, 2020

rise up embrace release

My brain is a fascinating machine. I feed it knowledge; it digests it over the course of a relatively short time into understanding and from this understanding grows wisdom. This process is repeatable and it has happened enough that I can internally quantify it, though to quantify it externally would be difficult other than recording my understanding of information I have fed into it.

The knowledge we generally feed into the brain comes from our everyday experiences. We live within a tightly held frequency that spills out in all dimensions so that we get hints of obfuscated forms of consciousness but we can’t grasp them for long. It leaves us with the nagging question of whether these other dimensions are ‘real’ or not. All is energy and the energy is in motion. What is energy? It is a vibration. The vibration is motion that we perceive. When we measure the motion we discern frequencies.

Everything is here and now. We are limited by perception. The frequency I lock to creates my world. We can go to heaven or hell now; there’s no need to wait until death. The energy of dead ancestors is here and now. That plane of consciousness is available if you seek for it.

I chose a seed body to incarnate my pattern of energy, in order to come forth in a plane of existence that would allow me to attain self knowledge over buried aspects of self I ignore. Within my current life I then develop further strategies to keep these traits hidden however they are more accessible than ever. We all get lost in the incarnation and forget not only our origin but also our impetus. The journey is always there waiting for us to re-engage, get back on the ship, and sail onwards towards understanding. I don’t think there is a destination or an end to it. I realized this the other day while walking my dog through the woods. There’s no destination or goal on this walk; instead it is the journey that’s the thing. That seemed so obvious. Experience is the teacher. I know I only conquered fear through experiencing full on fear and then taking it on in a struggle for survival. The walk is about exploring, becoming aware of your surroundings, and living in the moment. Aha! The destination is to be here now. Thanks Ram Dass! Eventually we turn around and head back. The natural cycle of the day turns to night. We rest and then rise up again.

I look back now on my ceremonies in the the Amazon jungle and the Andes mountains with Huachuma, that first and foremost acknowledge and celebrate Pachamama, with awe and reverence. The final ceremony this last trip moved me to tears as I understood how she created our universe out of love in order that we could play and understand. The wisdom of the opening of the Tao Te Ching expresses this sentiment,  "Heaven and earth begin in the unnamed: name’s the mother of the ten thousand things.” (Ursula K. LeGuin translation)

It’s always been the Goddess behind creation and it is our destiny to eventually destroy it. Along the way maybe we can show some respect while we head to the inevitable decline and destruction. We can embrace love while we fall from the grace of the great mother.

My pattern of energy animates the body and I take care of it allowing for this experience. Everything is like the breath; it rises and it falls. The body grows and then it decays. The growing is a time to explore the wondrous feats that can be accomplished and the power inherent in our condition. The decay is a time of introspection and insight where if you let go of the clinging to life on this plane of existence then you can step back and start to understand it. Stop being so uptight and blow it out.

The answer seems to be motion. We are deathly afraid of death however we love and are addicted to nouns. If we persist in objectifying then will come death and suffering. We love institutions that have staying power. The rock is what we ultimately look towards to express this ideal. We want to capture and live in a frozen moment and defeat the ravages of time however time is undefeated and claims all. What a predicament! If we change the way we think then we can win this game. Isn’t that cheating though? No and here’s why: If you look around it is easy to see nothing lasts. Everything is in a constant state of growth and decay; life and death. We can deny it all we want but it is self-evident. We can create languages that accentuate nouns as part of the sentence structure but it is still a way to fool ourselves into thinking there is a way to maintain this facade of the character and institutions we have created. Changing the way we think will extricate us from the trap that causes suffering, with the bonus of being able to joyously play the game of life and build the best damn character you can imagine.

By dying we defeat death. That’s a weird statement to make as we understand death as annihilation. If you embrace motion and understand that you rise and fall endlessly then you will get it. Motion is the impetus behind our transformation and this transformation goes on without end. Clinging to non-change will lead to a painful death. Letting go and trusting what is undeniable leads to grace and to living a life that sails on over both smooth and rough waters, marvelling at what comes next.

Surf the waves of time through being in motion with it.

So what is energy? It’s motion that is in motion. Try wrapping your head around that one. Try objectifying a verb. At slower speeds it looks like solid particles and at higher speeds it is a waveform pattern. Energy rises and falls. It’s string theory without the string. Ultimately I intuit that energy is unbridled love and all that has come forth for us in this universe is derivative of that love. Yes even the pain and the suffering. It’s all love because only through love can we face up to the truth of who we are and stop denying it. We are forced to acknowledge the hate and thus we can transform it. Love embraces all regardless of prejudice or behaviour.

Love is the beating of your heart. It rises and falls. The creation of the vibration leads you back to source. The heart is your umbilical cord that connects to the Goddess. It beats out your unique pattern, your signature called your soul, that binds you to the all. She creates. I destroy. We are harmonious. We are the constituents of motion. We are everything. We are nothing. She is the rising and I am the falling. 

Monday, June 15, 2020

the evolution of god

Culture is a bitch. I mean I learned in English literature class in high school that every good story needed an antagonist. After all, it’s hard to go on a hero’s journey without one. I learned from seeking answers to vexing spiritual questions that the answer to all is found within after your external journey has become exhausted. It was strange that I couldn’t see that until I looked everywhere except within for answers. Our life is a drama; I’d also take game for an answer. It would suck if everything was a constant and all was provided for. Some stability is needed in order to allow progression; I mean if I am constantly on the hunt for food and needing protection then I couldn’t very well sit here at my computer and ruminate upon the nature of existence. So eventually you come to the conclusion that you and everyone else are god and living out this funny existence. Or at least that’s the conclusion I reached. We are the psychic manifestation, to wit the avatars of consciousness splintered, of the dreaming mind at large. This mind being a reconciliation of all that then self reflects through expressing the energy into what we have labelled the universe in our search for understanding. So far so good. However English lit class said this would get pretty boring without an adversary. Luckily within is this darkness that challenges and harangues us. When first confronted with it, myself being exhibit A, I ran from it and then processed the experience as a bad trip and an external enemy. I curiously returned to take another look and the darkness was always with me; I couldn’t bypass it. After exhausting avenues of blame for this stain upon my holy self I finally realized that I was indeed the darkness. Once I grokked this truth I could peer even more into the underpinnings of self. Hmmm... there’s a lot of hate, desires, lusts, perversions, greed, possessiveness, and jealousy buried down there. Conversely a whole lotta love.  All elements utilized to keep the story moving along. All plot devices for when the drama gets stale.

I was pretty elated to learn I was god. It’s quite the trip you know, especially when everyone else is ignorant of their divine status. Being able to play this role while others are still lost is the root of monotheism. That’s a good business model to dupe the plebs and get power, fame, and fortune. But I digress. What I mean by culture is a bitch is the realization you are god leads to the crossroads. As a seeker you have a choice to stop and say, "cool I‘m god" and all is going to work out and I’ll play this role, advisably in a quiet manner lest the whispers of your insanity start. Conversely you may keep seeking on the path to an unattainable knowledge of self. As I have explained before I stay aboard that ship of fools. So I kept at it and the next step in the evolution of god then presented itself. In order to play the part of god and really make it stick I need an adversary. A tempter to throw me off my holy path and one that no one can transcend despite appearances and assurances that they are now enlightened and have moved beyond the human.

Yeah so here’s the thing. As god I’m also the devil. Far out stuff to keep the game afoot. It’s a really tough one to accept though because of cultural indoctrination. This realization still gives me the creeps. I mean the devil? Come on that dude is really scary and I’m him? I can be that guy? The indoctrination goes so deep I am loathe to admit it. Seriously though I don’t want to accept that culture still plays a role in my seeking, I deep down know it does. I know it because I have reached the stage where I have to fully accept I am the adversary who tempts in order to fulfill the role of keeping this game going. The game is set up ultimately to learn knowledge of self. If you are the all how do you seek outside psychiatric help when you learn of your pathology? Well you can’t. The only way to do it is to divide up all your neuroses into aspects of self and then give yourself amnesia. Then through challenge and stress you may learn what it is you are really made of, what you suck at, and then work on moving past that block or at least admitting to it.

It goes back to the union of the divine feminine and masculine and how we are currently separated. The divorce makes up the manifest universe and through this playground we are seeking knowledge and understanding of self so that when we do finally recombine into a harmonious whole we can drop the acrimony. The long separation began due to this inability to get along and so we went our separate ways. Who would give in first to the longing? I lost that bet though in my ignorance I did win the first round. Once I discovered who she was then I longed to hold and possess her once more. She is on to that possession game though. Isn’t that the reason for the separation? From a different perspective I view this all as teasing foreplay bringing us to the edge of giving in. When we look into each other’s eyes we feel it and want to embrace. We take turns denying each other the satisfaction. Yeah I still have much work to do before I give up the game and recombine into the all.

Monday, June 8, 2020


The answer to the problems in the world we are struggling with is within each of us. It’s consciousness or lack thereof. It’s found in the lens we choose to wear when viewing the world. It’s whether we choose to see separation and division or whether we see similarities and unity. Once again Ram Dass has a teaching that helps with the difficulties or comprehending what we are all experiencing at this moment in time. Delving into the meaning of this name Ram Dass he was given by his guru, it means servant of god and it is in the form of the monkey Hanuman that he serves god as Ram. The central teaching to understand is we are all god or to put it another way we are all one and it is through this remembering of unity that our consciousness is raised and we can lift ourselves out of the hell we create when we are ignorant of who we are. Hell is created when we engage the mind and use it to delineate and objectify which creates separation. Sports are a prime example of dividing human beings up into teams, pitting those teams against one another, and then watching the division boil up into outbreaks of fighting and brawls. Violent conflict is within our nature and the outcome when we separate.

Hanuman exists to serve god, in essence all of us, in order that we awaken to our divinity. Hanuman chooses to not merge with Ram in order that he may continue this work of awakening, similar to the Buddhist idea of the Bodhisattva, who after reaching enlightenment returns to teach and serve others. When we live in the world seeing everyone as separate than there is suffering, hence why Maharaj-ji, Ram Dass’ guru, says suffering is grace and it is all perfect. The suffering is the impetus behind learning there is another way or another reality of consciousness that will allow us to transcend this modality. If you look back on your life it is easy to see that through suffering, or trials and tribulations, are where we learned the most and made change possible, if not a necessity. Ram Dass in seeing he is to serve god, which is all of us, would see collectively we are not at that point where we understand who we are and so instead of proclaiming suffering is grace and it is all perfect, alternatively offers to help. That’s what we can do. How can I help? How can I be of service? The most help we can offer is to promote unity. As Maharaj-ji said, "It is deception to teach by individual differences and karma. See all the same. You can't realize god if you see differences."

Monday, June 1, 2020

wholeness of self

On the path towards unification where we go on the spiritual journey our first inclination is to seek the higher self. It is where we are led to believe we will find transcendence from the human condition and we will leave everything that makes us human and fallible behind by seeking enlightenment and a transfiguration into a higher self where we become a spiritual being that is all wise and knowing. We figured it all out and we are at the top of the mountain and that’s where we first explore. When we do that everything else comes along for the ride and it’s very frustrating, so even though you think you have become this oh wise one, it’s dishonest and disingenuous to think you have left the other parts of you behind because they all came up the mountain with you. You can live in ignorance and pretend that what makes you human is no longer a part of your identity. Within that clue you may see you are still playing the identity game and you’ve basically enlightened your ego. The avatar or character you created you’ve now put a crown on and this is who you now identify with. Through this process you can eventually see that you are never going to transcend the self. The self is always there, it just goes up a story and assumes another identity. If you can see that then unfortunately it puts you back at the drawing board so you may be tempted to turn a blind eye towards this realization. You may reach the conclusion that this game was not it and that form of enlightenment was a delusion, so then you start probing into the shadow or the dark side that you have heard about. For most when you are on this path, you externalize that part of yourself and you believe it is left behind when you go on the spiritual journey. The dark side is actually internalized and it’s part of who you are. If you realize this you can turn the tables on your seeking which involved climbing the spiritual mountain.

What I mean by this is you can take the staircase that leads down into the deepest and darkest regions of self which is the stuff we leave buried. Do you remember as a kid going down into the basement of your house to temporarily retrieve something and then having all these irrational fears come rushing forth? You couldn't get back up the stairs fast enough! What a peculiar psychological experience that we are all affected by. We are conditioned by our lower self from a young age to not go exploring in the dark and when we do stumble upon that region, our first inclination is to get out as fast as we can because of the irrational fear we are experiencing. In retrospect what an incredible insight into our psychological makeup; of course we don't realize it at the time and then even when I took substances that allowed me to explore my depths I didn't make the connection at first. I just followed the conditioned fear and got the hell out of that place and developed strategies to avoid going back. It took repetitive and brief forays into the vast darkness of self before I finally realized that's the destination the plants were pointing me towards. They had previously levelled up my courage and I am an inveterate explorer so though it took many years and many ceremonies, as long as I kept at it the thought must have been well eventually he'll get it and set off to explore the deep, dark, and taboo region of self.

It is the most difficult and frightening part of the journey to explore that part of you because it wants to remain obfuscated and it doesn’t want to be discovered. In order to reclaim autonomy over the self it is the biggest thing you have to do. When you stop pretending that it is not part of you then you can explore all the things that make you tick. It takes work because when you go to explore those regions this whole journey gets difficult. You face fear, paranoia, and the difficulty of continuing on that path because it puts up as many roadblocks as possible so that you do not peer into that aspect of self. That’s what takes the most courage. If you do choose this path and you can get past all the blocks that are put in your way then eventually you get to look into your hidden self and realize the darkness that is within all of us. Being honest with it allows you to integrate and understand that within us all is this darkness and yes there are some awful parts of it but you’ll also discover that’s where love comes from and it is where passion and desire comes from and all this animates our existence and it makes this game worth playing. The whole life experience is powered by these desires that lay within you, some are dark and are not socially acceptable or culturally sanctioned, but when you bury it you also bury what makes you human and it makes our society this detached, non-loving, robotic, and self-centred existence that we all live out, never getting to the point where you see unity within us all.

We are always trying to transcend the self, which we project out into this world as ego. When you embark upon a spiritual path we all want to transcend the ego by finding a method that allows you to face ego death so you can lose the sense of self and through that you will find your higher self and like I said you will also find your lower self. You can ignore the darkness or chalk it up as a bad trip and then continue on in your journey however If you do discover that the way to unity is to harmonize the upper self and lower self and bring that into the centre, known in some traditions as the axis mundi, then you have found the alchemical secret. At some point you will come to a realization of the need to reconcile all within the centre as you are not going to transcend either side, which is frankly the advanced teachings our civilization has lost. In some methods and traditions, if you get past the glorification of yourself into a higher self, you will reach this point. You will discover the need to harmonize all aspects of self and that’s a huge step because you find fulfillment in being honest and recognizing all parts of who you call self. Everything comes from the centre and the self as this is the place where everything is unified. When we started dividing it up or separating things from the centre that’s when you get the opposites like light and dark which leads to objectifying everything and makes our world come alive. Eventually when that idea sinks in you realize that the higher self and lower self are aspects of a complete self. The two polarities of self originally come from the centre so in our spiritual journey we have taken the two sides and brought them back to centre but that’s what we always were; in essence a wholeness. We are reconstituting self as opposed to creating or coming to an end of a quest to do that. Instead we are returning to who we really are and once you understand that is essentially who you are, and you always had those parts, then you can realize you will never transcend them or get on one team and leave the other team behind. That’s the fulfillment of the quest in which the answer has been you all along as you have brought yourself back to centre and found wholeness. Once you do that then you can take that self and contrast it with the no self. By bringing the higher and lower self back to self you’ve unified the self and then you can take it one step further where you see you have a self because you have a no self. From the no self you find that elusive unity that you always have been searching for and you intellectually understand that in order for there to be a self there has to be its opposite which is no self. That’s the eternal game where you vacillate between becoming a self, recognizing a self, and then returning to the no self. That vibration is the eternal song.