Monday, January 28, 2019


Variety is said to be the spice of life. I'll one up that and say variety is the elixir that makes the grand game worth playing. This assertion is coming from the standpoint of the eternal return where your pattern of energy reincarnates back into a physical existence that is manifested in a body of some sort, the body being a flowering of the energy. Multiple incarnations are all a different roll of the dice and any memory of previous existences are non existent. You can read history books about the exploits of adventurous souls however you are a blank slate when you reappear. When you think about it, it becomes clear this is the way it needs to be. If you retained the memories of what has come before you would become bored with the same song playing over and over; in addition the threat of annihilation would be assuaged since you'd know you'd always reappear. Any sense of urgency, or a striving to accomplish anything, would be put off or scoffed at. It has to be this way however nice it would be to know as a 100 percent certainty you have nothing to fear. A dose of anxiety gets the heart beating and gives you a little thrill.

The catalyst for this idea of variety is my love of music as I will get totally mesmerized and addicted to a new song that has a great groove and hooks. I will play it over and over and it's like a drug I can't get enough of. Then after exhausting the tune I will discard it and move on to the next song. Don't we all have that feeling with romantic love as well? The beginnings of a relationship we can't get enough of each other. Then the flame steadies before slowly dying out. Culture at this point has locked you into a contractual mess and frowns upon renewing that passion with another. The whole construct is a violation of what makes us tick and what makes the game worth the candle. You know in a way marriage should never be entered into out of passionate love and desire because it isn't going to last. It never does. It should be for the mutual benefit of the two parties. Just like us, it crests and falls and then we want a new roll of the cosmic dice. So much to explore; why get attached to one thing?

When I again reappear I don't want to remember what a pain in the ass existence can be at times. I want it to be fresh and new. Ah the first sunset, the cold running water, and the taste of fruit. If I remembered all of this I probably wouldn't do it. Roller coasters can be fun but I have ridden them enough; I think I'm good, I don't need the thrill anymore. You know what is really funny? This is one of the ways I would describe the experience of drinking Ayahuasca, especially after you have drank a few times. I have done three cycles of work and after each cycle, which involves multiple ceremonies, I eventually desire in time to go back, roll the dice, and go deep into the subconscious. During ceremony I will try and leave a note for myself to not do this again, as it is very difficult. Please try to remember how upsetting this is! However I get the call to go back. Why? It is ultimately rewarding and I learn about myself and life. I am a knowledge of self junkie and the plants have the key to unlock the mystery. I feel this experience in a way imitates life and the reappearance of the energy repatterining. When I expire I will have the opportunity to roll the dice once more and be attracted to the adventure, forgetting what a struggle it can be. I'll leave a note this time for myself as a reminder to not incarnate again. Something big so it can't go unnoticed. Maybe a pyramid?

You know what is really cool? If you totally fuck up this isolated existence, like make a grand mess out of everything, at physical death it all gets wiped away. The only thing left is the memories of the disasters you enabled and left behind and the fall out is only on that character your energy was playing, who is now just a remnant of the past. Your memories are wiped upon return so you don’t know how much of a fool you once were. When your energy returns, you get to put on a new clown mask and start again. We spend our lives frantically avoiding death as we believe it is the end. Death is liberating. The board is wiped clean and we begin again anew.

There has to be a way to see through the game though. It can't be easy, you would have hid it pretty well, but I have to think if you seek you will find it. That seems the honourable thing to do, not withhold the answer if it is earnestly sought. The answer to the riddle is within but you have to alter your consciousness to grasp it. Something about love, being indestructible, and the eternal return. Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin fame curiously grasped this, something about a lady who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold. The tune will come to you at last, when all are one and one is all. To be a rock and not to roll. 

Monday, January 21, 2019


Cultivation is an agricultural term for the act or process of preparing the soil for the raising of crops as well as the husbandry of plants. Dionysos represents the process of the cultivation of the self pollinating vine. The wild vine is dioecious (has distinct male and female individual organisms) therefore the male flowering vine must be present in order that the female flower can be fertilized and produce fruit. In nature occur self-fertile grapevines, hermaphrodite vines, and cultivating these vines would produce a plentiful stock of self pollinating vines and this brings its fruits and the gift of wine to regions that would not normally support the propagation and growth of the dioecious vines.

Dionysos with accoutrements

The process called tinkuy in pre Colombian Andean shamanism brings together the wild feminine and masculine halves of the human being to create a harmonious unity. The great quariwarmi shamans of the Andes were cultivating the woman and the man as the symbolic serpent and the jaguar, bringing their energies into the centre, the axis mundi, to produce a physical and spiritual union of the opposites. The centre is where all is mediated to and from here is a sum greater than the parts. During the same period in history, a different culture, on the other side of the world was ritually reenacting the same process. The ancient Greeks were immortalizing the dual sexed in their conception, celebration, and worship of the effeminate god man Dionysos. 

The alchemical transformation of the aspirant involves taking the base materials of man and woman, and refining them. This is the process in agriculture of cultivation or in metallurgy the compounding of alloys into a new material. This process within us is the sacred marriage, called the Hieros Gamos, that creates an inner transformation demonstrated by the union of the sacred feminine and masculine. The spiritual joining together with your soul mate forges the hermaphrodite, who is the end result of this process. The spiritual cultivation of the human being is the template for creating the divine from the human. The spiritual union of the inner divine feminine and masculine gives birth to the god. This is in essence the saviour because it enables the realization that the god is you and you are everything. 

Monday, January 14, 2019

separation and unity

Light is the separator par excellence. With no light everything is non differentiated. Existence is a metaphor for this condition. To be enlightened, to be filled with light, is to fully understand that is the now we find ourselves in. We are separate and because of that we then know there is also a condition where all is unity. We shine a light on all aspects in order to come to terms with the all. Separate the parts and bring it all into the open and harmonize it with everything. That's what this great game is for if it is to have meaning at all.

To realize how energy works is to look towards nature and at a tree. To see how the energy moves off into a branch and then branches out from that branch until finally is birthed the delicate leaf. At the base of this construct are the roots of the tree that connects to the source of that energy which is the life giving soil of the earth. I mention this construct as I have been thinking of the energy within me and how it all works out. If I am the leaf, what is my branch, my tree, and my root? My wave of energy that has come forth is the leaf, and I ride the wave to completeness, and I seemingly can create the recurring self by riding the wave and not blowing it out at the crest or the trough. This way of thinking suggests a complete return to unity is through the big blow out as opposed to a little death where the latent energy will reappear.

Another way to look at it is through the waves of the ocean that head towards the shore. As the wave crashes into the shore, it comes to an end and rejoins the body of the ocean which is unity. From there it energizes and comes forth once again reenacting and revivifying the eternal cycle and the return of fundamentally what is. 

Monday, January 7, 2019

harmonious unity

Unity is a return to the darkness and ultimately to death. A return to the valley after coming forth as an individual. When you think about it, coming forth into the light is the separation from unity. Light is the great separator. Climbing the mountain of enlightenment to become the most high is taking the light to the extreme. It becomes blinding light and because it is so bright it is a perverse form of unity where you see that everything emanates from you but you can’t see anything else. Blindness from an overbearing light. You are it and the it from which the whole universe emanates. Of course we don’t realize this potentiality is in everyone and that's a bit of a trap with the possibility of spiritual inflation thinking you are the only one. You can't expect to stay on the top of the mountain and continue to shine and grow or wait to be whisked away into heaven to join the all star enlightenment team. Coming down the mountain is just as instructive as climbing the mountain, in fact it is greater and more pleasurable. There's no more struggle to get to the top and you can take your time coming back down the slope. At the bottom is where you will find once again what you have been looking for; your sisters and brothers, and you can encourage them to climb the mountain so that they too will discover what they were looking for they had all along. The cosmic joke however is that you'll never find it until you look for it everywhere except within.

I wonder if the blinding light is the condition that fools god into getting his idea of being the one and only god from? A complete feeling of separation and omnipotence, blind to the inheritance of every sentient being? An exaltation of self taken to the extreme with airs and graces, plus a big celestial throne for you to sit on. A realization you are god and then not wanting anyone else to realize they are god too would be the origin of monotheism! So you form a religion exalting yourself as god and everyone must worship you! You're the king! Okay maybe that’s taking things too far. Sort of... but you know all of our monolithic religions are righteous masculine paths. They are right hand paths that focus on individual salvation. The monotheistic ones all have a domineering male god on top of the mountain lording it over others with his holy righteousness. Well, Jesus breaks the mold a little with his talk of love and community. He tends to hang around with a bunch of women named Mary, as well as devoted disciples, and he is kind of wishy washy and effeminate, but in the end he is good for attendance. So he’s kicked upstairs to limit the damage, and thus tolerated.

I’m in my own game, a product of this independent streak within that don't need no one's help! I have created the adventure and immersed myself in it. I have wandered multiple paths, through many lives, and many parts that I have played. I’m waking up and realizing where I am. I had convinced myself the game was real as I am the ultimate thespian who dabbles in self hypnosis.

We are waves of energy that have branched off from the fount. Our bodies are an expression of the energy in a harmonious relationship with our environment. There is the crest and trough of the energetic wave. As our energy crests, we experience the self. In the light of existence we all shine as individuated points of the source. The great conundrum is the popular esoteric teaching that the self does not exist is only true if you understand it does exist. It is impermanent, it both exists and doesn't exist depending on the wave. Existence you can't pin down as it is always changing. To try and pin it down you need time but time is our peculiar way of recognizing motion. The motion of energy is creating waves and I come forth as the crest of a wave, being light that illuminates and separates, giving a temporary feeling of being an individual in a mass sea of separate beings. At the trough of the wave I return to the darkness and non separation where my wave crashes onto the beachhead and returns to the all once again. I become the ocean. It's hard to imagine or even admit to, but I am it, I have come forth, conveniently forgetting the all part, and in this eternal dance of energy I will yet again return to omnipotence. Little old me, this nobody on this remote watery planet, god, if you will. Crazy but true. Everything throughout life I have loved and I have hated, it's all me. I want to Love myself when I return to the trough. There are parts of me I love and miss dearly. I want to bring my light into the darkness and I want to integrate my darkness into the light. Harmonious Unity. Tao.