hell has a gate

It was 2017 when I turned 50 that I completed the holy climb up the mountain and discovered love is the answer. It was the fifth year of my involvement with plant medicines and I knew after that trip I didn’t have to search anymore. I could be content with what I had discovered. I saw the unity within us all and that the elixir to make us come together is love. There was no certificate handed out denoting my enlightenment; however, I was aware I had the answer. At any rate, the caretakers and bestower of enlightenment frown upon the shortcut of drug use to obtain the status. It’s best to sit in meditation for a quarter century, pay obeisance to the guru, sweep up at the ashram, and hope the twin graces of wisdom and understanding descend upon you. See, even after all I have been through, I maintain my wit and sarcasm.

The importance of completing the climb up the mountain to the light is reflected in the second phase of my journey. I had a bit of a pause but decided I wanted to continue on. I’d seen the light but onwards I set sail for adventures unbeknownst to me. Really, I decided to continue on rudderless and see where this journey would take me. I guess if I really thought about it, of course I would have realized after the light once again the destination is the dark. My ship headed back into the dark. The waters were relatively calm as I headed down the river Styx towards Hades. I’m currently at the gates of hell and I know the password. I guess I’ll see you on the other side.

Become the light? Become the darkness. Becoming the light is avoidance of the darkness. The path up the mountain to become a renunciate and a holy man is the pathological outcome of all the expectations placed upon you by culture. It’s another way to reach the top of the ladder of success. Instead of the financial power game, you went for the spiritual game and now await the praise of your peers for your exemplary holiness. What a fucking crock. Just let it go already. Becoming the darkness allows you to turn towards the light and reconcile all. The masculine strives for the light. He is born in darkness; the darkness of the feminine. He takes the light of reason and discovery and creates this world of separate objects. He builds and subsequently destroys. The feminine is darkness. Within the cavern, she births new light from the non-differentiated chaos which is her essence. She is unity and love; it is light that separates and brings an end to her clinging and longing to hold her family together. The masculine spirit wants to explore and be free.

The masculine is the proprietor of the conditions which create duality and the self. The self is created by seeing differences in the environment and our fellow sentient beings. A difference is a condition. We create reality in that we can see differences or we can choose to see it all as one connected organism. To not see conditions is to just see all as is. To act unconditionally in a world you choose to see with differences is impossible; however, the striving towards this game of unconditionality is a non-starter without objectification. Unconditional love is based upon duality and can only be attempted because of the power of the masculine. The relationship of the two divine powers is contentious but ultimately, they need each other.

Nobody will find the answer because no one dares to tread the spiritual path into the basement of the soul. That’s left for the insane and the marginalized. Culture does not approve. The spiritual path is not populated by those who seek liberation from culture. Instead, they culturalize spirituality. They preach unity within the bounds of accepted dogma. I understand I have to go it alone and maintain my independence. This has to always be at the forefront of my seeking. Noted American libertarian Henry David Thoreau said, “Wherever you may seek solitude, men will ferret you out and compel you to belong to their desperate company of odd fellows.” These others desperately want you to join their enterprise in order to justify its existence. It’s a narrow path to walk in order to maintain autonomy over one’s spiritual path yet gain support in the way of friends. Life is tough without it. Recent events and the disappointment inherent in humanity has emboldened my thinking and resolve. I can count on myself, my inner guides, and as Ringo so eloquently states in Sergeant Pepper’s: “A little help from my friends."