alpha

It’s been one helluva journey. A progression from one step at a time to the next. If this knowledge was revealed all at once, I would declare it madness and move on. In fact, my first direct meeting with the divine masculine power was an exercise in madness and fear. It was set up to be a test; to see if I had it in me to walk this path. And a test it was as he got into my head. The reveal was a master stroke of genius in that I could decide to never go back however I would always know he was there. There was opportunity and the easy way out; easy power and glory. Alternatively, I could run. I ran. Subsequently, I regrouped and came back. I was still scared but I wasn’t going to let this beat me. I never give in once I put my mind towards something and I hate to lose. This resolve has come forth within my life as an unwavering self-confidence bordering on arrogance.

The thing is, the perception of the warrior is a man of outward strength and an intimidating presence. This describes the alpha male and is the epitome of what he is. A master of his domain and no one messes with him. A gladiator. I’m none of that; I never have been and never will be. I am meek and unassuming. The bestowing of greatness upon the warrior king tested in the fires of battle was not something that could be predicted for me. I’m a behind the scenes kind of guy. I can be successful but expectations will be tempered. Or so I thought.

Courage is a funny thing. You don’t know if you have it until crunch time. When I played sports as a kid, I liked the big moment and the pressure. I could always raise my game when it came down to the wire. Not only that, but I could keep up with the jocks even though physically they were one up on me. I’d always outsmart them and gain an advantage in that regard. I’d outrun them all in the 40-yard dash because I was quick off the draw but come the 100 yards they’d catch me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t ready for the big life test when it first happened, courage did not come, and I retreated in fear. Jesus was waiting to console me but I brushed him aside. He’s a relic for the weak; an avatar granted by the maestro as a way to approach but don’t get too close to the power.

Underestimate me at your own peril. Admittedly, I initially suck at new experiences, however given enough time I master them. I returned home, tail between my legs, and made plans to give it another shot. My fortitude made the ultimate alpha male take notice. After previously swatting me away, here I was back for more. I stood toe to toe and took the beating but didn’t back down. Sure, there was fear and trepidation in the face of lunacy however I had courage. Courage came to me and I grasped that sucker, never to let it go. He had to take notice. It was a new paradigm I was demonstrating that instead of outward displays of being an alpha, I was the inner alpha warrior. Don’t mess with me or I’ll best you. I’ve always known that. I walk around life absolutely knowing and demonstrating this inner conviction.

The Goddess implored me to go after him. Free her from the chains he kept her in. At that point she knew I could hang with him and that I discovered his secret and the mystery. This act of discovery would free them both. Well played. The whole world was on notice after that outcome. I don't look like Heracles but I just did what no mortal has ever done. I didn’t know it at the time but I do now. No one does what I did and gets away with it. You either run away or you succumb to the power and become its slave. I was still a free agent and ready to do more fighting. I continued the battle on home turf, gained confidence, and came back for more. My tenacity was such that the gods had no choice but to recognize my accomplishment. I sat in a ceremony and transformed into a jaguar; the ultimate symbol of the alpha masculine power who rules his domain. I recognized my inner strength; I felt a huge blast of conscious awareness and then the serpent energy surged and I felt so powerful. A jaguar appeared in the distance and was coming straight at me. I intuited an intense maleness about the jaguar and soon he was right in front of my face. He roared ferociously at me. I felt no fear. I roared back and I became the jaguar. I was the most powerful person in the world. I let out multiple roars to let everyone know I was the king of the jungle. I sat there bathed in light while sitting on my throne as the throngs came to pay obeisance. At the time, I was still oblivious to what I’d accomplished and it was probably best it remained that way.

I kept peeling away the veils and continued to get to the crux of who exactly it was I was dealing with and his identity. It’s difficult to know if you are really figuring it out or just deluding yourself. What I can say is pay attention to the synchronicities because they are confirmations. These affirmations were so plentiful I knew I was on to him. I’m precocious and maybe too big for my britches. When I see in others the cockiness I exude, I secretly enjoy seeing them fail. It’s now the big irony. However, I know how I got here and I did it honestly. No shortcuts; no grasping of a ring of power that was unearned.

In my case, the plant medicine path towards becoming a man of knowledge is most rewarding during the integration period. It is open ended and each successive experience reveals so much. This past year has been the most fascinating to date as I figured it out. I got home a week before the world went into pandemic lockdown. Of course I did. It’s still in lockdown a year later and my education continues. No going back until the maestro says so. You have to see it all, come to terms with it, and then you can set your intentions and come back.

My shadow is the master teacher, the ultimate alpha male, and is now my teacher and friend. I celebrate him, the divine masculine energy and his wife, the divine feminine energy at my Mesa. My Mesa is lit. I stand in front of this conduit and tremble because of the power coursing through me. We come together at that sacred spot. The steel has been forged in the fires of hell tempered by the love of a Goddess. What a fucking ride!