otorongocito

It’s all an act. I’m such a good actor I don’t even recognize I am acting so how would I comprehend the masterful dramatic performance of the ultimate actor? I’ve seen the master teacher and marvelled at how he transcends time. How he multiplies coincidences to the point of absurdity. How he wakes me from dreams at his whim to give me food for thought. How he laughs as I curse him and tell him I’m going to destroy him. He then whispers in my ear as I wake, “I’m going to kill you.” He continuously challenges me and watches me fall down. He speaks to me with the voice of a madman, contributing to my psychosis. As with the Goddess, he never has given up on me, though his curriculum is deadly.

He plays multiple roles and wears different costumes; therefore, the subterfuge with the help of cultural indoctrination, originally caused me to identify him as an external entity. He sometimes scares the shit out of me while subsequently appearing as a struggling actor in a vision with the sole purpose of enacting a scene change and hinting at a new lesson plan. He has a recurring role as “god" though a great deal of the new generation are tiring of that one. Sometimes, he is red and has horns.

He’s the great jaguar. I’m so dense that when I transformed into a jaguar during an Ayahuasca ceremony I thought, “shit, I’m such a bad ass and so courageous that I earned it." Instead, the big lesson was you are him. Look. Can’t you see it? You’re just coming home. You’re the son of colossal power. The indescribable, unknowable, and indestructible energy of the universe - the masculine polarity defined as the zoë, underlies all these manifestations and is you too. The master class involves remembering that you are the jaguar.

Therefore, I’m really teaching myself. Teaching myself courage, bravery, and liberation. All this suffering is for liberation and transformation. The mass suffering is done out of a love so deep that it puts us all through hell so we will rise above it. It is the impetus for the hero’s journey. The master class teaches liberation in order to be free of conditions and act of your own choice and accord. If you want to discover whom you really are and the nature of this existence that seems to be an imperative.

After I returned from class in Peru in 2016, I had this very strange dream. I was in the maloca at SpiritQuest during a Huachuma ceremony. I was naked and don Howard poured Huachuma, the consistency of green slime, all over me. I smoked a Mapacho and put it out on the ceremonial floor to which I was chastised by don Howard for my lack of respect. It got even stranger but I’ll leave out those details because they’ll take away from the gist of this tale. Anyway, I have sporadically tried over the ensuing four plus years to figure out the meaning of this dream. It was one of those dreams that I had no trouble recalling the next day as opposed to the majority that just fade away, even while you are in the midst of recalling them. I think I finally figured it out.

In that cycle of work at SpiritQuest, I had succeeded in blowing past my fears and limitations and indeed within an Ayahuasca ceremony I raised my consciousness and transformed into a jaguar. It was a recognition of unlocking that power within and subsequently I have realized that jaguar was freed from deep within my shadow and he was accepting me into his training school. Jaguar training school, the order of the jaguar; I was enrolled!

It’s been a challenge for sure; I’ve skipped class numerous times however at some point I have also studied and learned so much knowledge which I have converted into understanding and wisdom. I get the feeling it’s hard to get kicked out of this school once you are accepted; instead, the heat is just turned up to see what you are made of and to force you to transform or perish. The course will probably last the remainder of my biological life. I’m an attentive student, though at times led away by distractions.

The last phase of the work in 2016 involved a ceremony with the sacred Vilca and my intensive phase of 2016 ended with communing with the curanderos and curanderas of renown. I was told that within I had the ability to heal and my primary method of healing involved the sacred tobacco Mapacho. In retrospect, apparently a magic wand isn't waved and you don’t automatically become an agent of healing. Instead, there is training through the adventure of life. I’ve incorporated Mapacho into my daily ritual and maintained a somewhat respectful attitude towards him while always treating him with reverence. I have repeatedly observed his effects and have definitely noticed that respect negates addiction. That lesson is alone worth the price of tuition. Mapacho can contain up to 20x the nicotine levels of a regular cigarette. I smoke regularly and have no cravings or withdrawal symptoms. I can go days or even months without smoking if it’s unavailable, like during this current pandemic. In other words, addiction to tobacco, the nicotine within the plant, is a result of behaviour that does not respect the plant. Tell that to a scientist or even someone you know. Watch them raise their eyebrow.

The effects of Mapacho involve heightening the senses and an energetic connection to your surroundings. The dosage level is admittedly tough as I enter into this new phase of my teachings. I have to sit down and find a quiet space, he is that intense. However, I can see the energy, I can feel the energetic connection, and I can hear sounds far off into the distance as the clarity envelops me. I have a feeling what this is leading to: Mapacho calls out to the Jaguar to come forth. The forging of consciousness and energy is the new lesson plan.

Anyway, back to the dream - the ceremony was obviously a consecration into the order of the Jaguar which involved taking an oath binding both of us. Don Howard presided over the ceremony and welcomed me into the order. The great Jaguar is the ultimate warrior, the alpha of all alphas, and the cosmic grandfather teaching me the ways of the wise. To Otorongo I earned my place as Otorongocito.