the eternal song

Consciousness is awareness therefore thoughts and feelings are generated by something external. Consciousness takes ownership of these thoughts and feelings but they are attachments. This is awareness and energy playing an eternal game. Energy is magic, can assume any form, and becomes the object of awareness' desire. This elixir gives rise to thoughts and feelings and the game is on. The human is a special case because of the ability to self reflect. They can think about thinking. We grab hold of thoughts and then have thoughts about them which sets up a feedback loop where we form a new thought based on thinking about a thought. It is within this web that we find ourselves tangled up in.

As I was sitting outside on my deck smoking Mapacho, I looked at the chair across from me and wondered at what point did it become a chair? It was a plastic form that was moulded into a shape, given four legs, two armrests, a seat, and a back. Now I defined it as an object and it seems as real as anything else in this world. I then projected that construct onto my ego and deduced my ego is real because I have defined it as being real. It exists because I give it the power to do so by recognizing it as such. Taking this further, my body is distinct and real for the same reasons. The conundrum in all of this is that everything that seems real are just constructs we have all agreed upon as being so. In this thinking I give rise to a self. I essentially give rise to the world through delineation. This recursive process emanating from a false construct of ego is the cause of all separation. So this error in thinking feedbacks into a recursive loop where the one self becomes the many selves.

The feminine divine is the one object and everything is derivative of her however I have realized she is not even an object. The first time I drank Ayahuasca she told me of her essence - the Goddess told me all is vibration and I came to eventually realize all of creation is from this pulsation. I didn't realize at the time she was also referring to herself, it took about 5 years, and then it hit me. My ignorance was fostered by the language spell that we are all hypnotized with and therefore I wanted to objectify her. Over the course of the last five years I have slowly discarded notions of concreteness for everything except for her, as I could detect everything as being inseparable from totality. All it then took was taking a sledgehammer to my clinging to the idea that there had to be one eternal object even though I know all objects are things you can't count on, nothing lasts, perceived objects are all subject to dissolution, and this energy transforms into something else. The ancient Egyptians depicted this phenomenon in the natural order of things with the scarab Khepri, the master of transformation.

Khepri with scarab head and human body

To grasp the eternal is to see ever transforming patterns coming forth from an eternal energy source that gives away its secrets to those who can quiet their minds and just observe nature without putting their spin on what they observe. Awareness is to become the jaguar, observe, and react to that input. Nothing lasts, but the energy is always there rising and falling, coming magically into existence, and then performing a disappearing act, in preparation to eventually bloom again just like the flowers, the grasses, the seasons, the moon, the sun, breathing, my sleep cycle, my libido, and on it goes. Eventually you make the connection to the beating of your heart.

She has shown me all this in subsequent Ayahuasca ceremonies. She presented herself as whirling energy containing the potentiality of everything. She has also presented herself to me as Queen, as maiden, as lover, a sexually charged woman, as wife, mother, grandmother, a cat, a cow, twin serpents, a slithering green boa, the ancient Egyptian goddesses Hathor and Neith, and Love. She encouraged me to climb the mountain, savour it, then let it go, and come back down to the valley.

In ancient Egypt the Great Goddess Hathor was propitiated through the shaking of the musical instrument called the sistrum.

Renpet with Hathor adorned sistrum

Hathor with her association to music and dance, was invoked on a deeper level through the movement and sound created by the sistrum and this is revealing that the ancient Egyptians were aware of her eternal essence as vibration by choosing this method of worship to call upon her. They objectified her on their tomb walls, in temples of devotion, and they depicted her as mother, lover, Queen, serpent, cow, and lioness however the use of the sistrum reveals a level of understanding of the nature of Hathor as being vibratory energy. In a culturally similar way, the Hindus ultimately revealed their understanding of the Great Goddess Shakti, the energy source behind all and what powers Shiva. In the Tantric Chakra system they devised for understanding the subtle body, it is Shakti as the Kundalini serpent that must be propitiated and roused in order to awaken this energy within that then rises up through the chakras thus 'enlightening' the aspirant.

So I am a pattern of awareness that has come forth from the eternal vibration, living in an intricately woven cloth of multiple vibratory strands that are so well tailored we confuse it for a tangible and solid world, and then base our worldview upon that erroneous intuition. This energy, all from the same fount, rises from the darkness of potentialities, climbs the mountain of appearance, and then returns to the mother in preparation for coming forth by day once again.

She is the eternal song and I am the music.