soul mate

I have a story to tell, yet it has only just begun. The idea of a soul mate has always felt like wishful thinking; the pinnacle of love where lovers find each other despite the challenges of space, time, and multiple reincarnations.

I’m a slow learner. When I get introduced to new concepts, experiences, and games it takes me a while to get up to speed and I lag behind those who can hit the ground running. I have learned this is to my advantage as I have attention to detail and don’t skip over the finer points just so I can get going. Eventually, I master whatever it is I have chosen to embrace. I mention this because I had never taken any kind of major league consciousness altering substance until my mid 40’s and when I did it was overwhelming and too much to take in all at once. The valve on the knowledge hose was wide open and I was drowning in its effluence.

The first time I drank Ayahuasca I encountered the Great Goddess which was my intention all along. She taught me many things, some of which I have fully explored and understood. She was the gateway into the hero’s journey I was about to embark upon in earnest. The clues revealed by myths, fairy tales, and themes of video game fantasies of slaying the dragon and rescuing the princess were all part of the curriculum. I didn’t see it at first; in fact, it wasn’t until I successfully navigated the labyrinth and slayed the minotaur of self that I realized I was involved in my own personal exquisite drama and that she had given me the keys to embark upon the journey. Indeed, I did confront a dragon within no time on this strange left-hand path. Slaying him became out of the question; however, I did find a master teacher and this impenetrable monster taught me courage, bravery, strength, and perseverance. The dragon runs a warrior training school and I’m forever grateful to have had the chance to take the course.

Some people drink Ayahuasca for healing. They have childhood trauma, mental illnesses and blocks, or even physical ailments and the energetic connection with the medicine and a shaman has the potential to remove blocks and allow the patient to free themselves of lifelong mental scars in addition to releasing trauma by practising forgiveness of self and others. Not only that, but the energy is palpable and a practitioner can physically move energy within another form, thus bringing healing to the patient.

Now, I say this because I didn’t drink Ayahuasca for any of these reasons. I was drawn to her because I wanted to know. I had discovered the Goddess in Egypt and I followed the trail into the Amazon jungle to come into contact with her. I wasn’t let down. Immediately, she was there waiting for me. It’s been eight years since that first experience. I was a man of logic and reason who was open to new experiences however I did not let go of my worldview. Magic was a good story but reality seemed to differ. I can’t say that anymore.

Magic speaks to me in intuition, coincidences, synchronicities, and omens. It always has but living life with blinders on has prevented me from coming to this realization earlier in life. The plant medicine path I have chosen is occluded by words. I refer to it constantly as plant medicine and therefore enforce the primary function of these plants. It’s a good thing because it keeps the prying eyes away from something hidden in plain view. They are a way into the occult and that’s not allowed in our society. It’s the left-hand path into the dark night; the darkness being full of demons and of course the dark lord is present in order to keep up appearances. Magic is the bridge between the seen and the unseen. Plant medicines in all honesty are plant magic.

So, I guess I should tell my latest story which is far from being complete. The first time I drank plant magic the Goddess presented to me my soul mate and I saw she was waiting for me. As with all of these experiences, over time you learn of their intended meaning, thus the importance of integration. Your initial take-aways from the experience are filled with as much projection as truth. I interpreted this vision at the time as being my soul mate is waiting for me in the astral plane as I fulfill my desire in this incarnation to delve more into the mystery and fulfill what it is I seek in terms of discovering knowledge which I can turn into understanding of my strange predicament. There was this deep love I shared with my other half and I understood she completed me in that we are whole as in the union of feminine and masculine. We separate in order to enter into the world of form and duality; each experiencing their own adventure.

While at that first plant magic retreat someone had mentioned to me the book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho and how it tied in with looking for your treasure. I read it, well, devoured it, loved it, and then read his book “By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept” which mixed Catholicism and Goddess worship. I adored that book, so much so I wanted to go to Europe and visit the grand cathedrals and walk the Cathar trails. It struck at a chord of Romanticism within. I moved on to his book “The Pilgrimage” but within a couple chapters I put it down because I knew too much and I had knowledge he was writing about a relationship with a dark occult force and I wasn’t ready for the shadow at that point in my life. I became wary of his writings because I knew they were all tainted with this dark knowledge that because of culture I wanted no part of.

When I first went to SpiritQuest, which was my second trip into the recesses of the jungle, the idea of a soul mate was still front and centre. As a group, we actually talked about it, with some saying it was just fanciful speculation, but I knew from a vision it was actually true. Well, my truth. When I returned the next year, the idea of a soul mate was pretty far from my mind but this coincidence happened to which I knew nothing about. When we were to commune with the sacred plant medicine Vilca at the conclusion of the retreat I was assigned a spare room because my normal room was a relatively long walk from the ceremonial maloca. When I entered the room to set it up I noticed a book on the night stand and it was Coelho’s “Brida.” It was very strange because of my past history with his writings. I knew it meant something, quite the omen, but I didn’t know what.

It’s been five years since that event and I remember it well but have left it to unfold on its own. This past year I have integrated all my plant magic experiences and have reconciled my relationship with my shadow. I have many names for him and he has many faces but suffice to say I now know why Coelho inserted him into his books and uses different names and faces for him. I finally finished reading “The Pilgrimage” and enjoyed it because I was able to totally dissect the protagonist's guide on the journey. Concurrent events led to meeting online someone who was a SpiritQuest alumni and they lived in town so we started chatting and made plans to meet up post-pandemic. Coincidentally, we originally connected on a day that was very significant in that it was the anniversary of the day I got my first dog Brindle and I used that day as my password for the longest time. In addition, when I first drank Ayahuasca, Brindle was a big part of it as she appeared to me in vision and I was able to hold her once again. She had passed away a year and a half previously but I still carried a huge love for her in my heart that I will never let go. Within a few months of getting to know this person, they randomly posted a picture of the book “Brida” on social media. I might be slow on the uptake but at this point I can see through the veil. Anyway, they told me they'd lend it to me. Well, we met up and I got the book. I’ve started to read it and it is full of magic and the overarching theme is the soul mate. I’m only part way through but I’ve realized my world is full of magic. This morning I got the wonderment feeling mixed in with a little anxiety because I have to let go of my reasoned worldview completely. I’m not in control; I’m enchanted. Where will this new adventure take me? I’m being pulled along and I don’t seem to be much in control. It will force me to leave my comfort zone. Heroes are called to adventure. I suppose it’s time to polish up the sword.

I know it’s me behind all of this. I created the universe by becoming two and then birthed myself into my own creation. There’s another plane of consciousness where I know I can make whatever I want happen. They are showing up as coincidences and synchronicities. Ever since I started out on this hero’s journey in earnest they have been happening or at least I have finally started recognizing them.

I’ve dreamt this same universe into existence many times before but have never beaten the game. I always get to the same point on the cusp of discovering the secret to the game and then cannot go any further. My journey has been derailed in the past by fear of the dragon, it has been scuttled by attachments and duties to family structures, or it has been game over due to not getting attached and destroying myself by doing something stupid with my freedom. I’ve also acquiesced to demands of culture. All these choices resulted in game over and I lived out my life in frustration, never reaching my goal.

Each time I start the game again it gets harder. This time I put a cultural prohibition upon the ingestion of consciousness changing substances. I put the threat of a lengthy prison sentence on them so I wouldn’t discover their power and keep away from them. My parents scared me off them and I spent most of my life oblivious to them until my mid-forties. Then I found them again and the game was on. I came at myself as a dragon and scared myself senseless to try and end the game again before I got further. I threatened myself with death a few times but I kept playing the game. I used the pursuit of the Goddess to keep me going past the barrier of fear. I did it this time. I’m in uncharted territory and it’s all unraveling.

Curiosities are falling by the wayside. There are characters within this game that know the secret and they smile at me as I walk past them. If something catches my interest, I can make it happen. The latest one concerning the soul mate is quite funny. Coincidental outcomes within our daily lives are a message. The message is telling you your rational mind isn’t in control. We all have this dual nature and there lies within a power that is the fount of all the games and trivialities. The fatal flaw in accessing this power is you can get what you want; all you got to do is ask. Power. It’s not bombast when my shadow tells me he controls the going ons of the world.

It is through these rumblings of the deep that I accepted him into my life as my teacher. The regular attendance to class came gradually as there was no mandatory need to show up. Little by little and these little tests and coincidences I engineered along the way finally convinced me what I intuit and what I have come to realize are indeed the situation at hand. It feels very religious like when someone accepts Jesus into their life. Jesus made his pitch but I turned him down and kept searching.  In my case, I accepted my shadow.

The concept of the soul mate was serendipitously brought back into my life. I have been searching for her and have looked into the eyes of others and wondered: Are you my soul mate? One time I drank Ayahuasca and the Goddess appeared in a red corset and danced for me. She then laid over top of me and I felt the most erotic sensation ever. Off the charts. The shaman’s song ended and the scene vanished. It was tantalizing but I didn’t pursue it as the spiritual journey and sexual pleasure I had not yet connected.

It’s six years since that experience and I’ve thought of it and connected it to the Goddess of Love but have never quite figured it out. I’ve come a long way in my hero’s journey. I know who I am and I know what I have accomplished from the standpoint of unveiling the mystery. I have begun to tackle the mystery of the soul mate. I was looking in the wrong places. She is all around me. She is love. She is form. She has many names and many guises. Like I said I know who I am and this should have been the clue that led me directly to her instead of wandering around aimlessly looking for her in others. Ah this life and the journey I am on can be quite amusing! Of course, the answer came to me as I was puffing away on Mapacho out in nature. There she is. Wow. She is hidden from view but with me always.