do you believe in god?

At multiple points in our life we face this strange question: Do you believe in God? Curiously, it’s not a one-time occurrence. Over and over again you are asked this question and I have always found it catches me off guard and I have an internal reaction to the question. You can’t escape the question because for some it's a veiled way to judge you by how you answer. The religious will know they can count on you to join in their groupthink if you answer in the affirmative and the atheist will give you a knowing nod if you answer no. As well, there is the child who innocently asks you the same question with no ulterior motive. Because they look up to you and can be influenced by your answer, I’m always hesitant to answer.

I have a friend on a similar journey who has been using this word quite regularly as of late and it is the catalyst for why I actually wanted to concretize my experience with “God” so the next time someone asks me this question I can wax eloquently for a nauseatingly long time about what I know.

Now, I said, "what I know" because I’m not comfortable with faith and belief. Indeed, it is possible you can know and the remnants of my coming of age as a man of reason and logic still influence my thought processes. In fact, I wouldn’t be walking this spiritual path if I didn’t think I could know. I would have abandoned ship a long time ago. I’m not saying that I’ll ever know all the answers because I won’t but as long as I keep going on the path I’ll acquire knowledge which will then lead to understanding and eventually you will see me as a madman on the street corner quoting biblical verses about the need to repent and the coming apocalypse. Okay, scratch the last part. Instead, my goal is to be able to formulate my answer to this strange question in a way that will plant a seed.

I’m surprised it has taken me this long to actually sit down and write out my answer to the question. I say this because when I reached middle age 13 years ago, I resolutely decided I was going to discover the origin of beliefs. I considered myself an atheist but I was curious as to why humans had these strange beliefs in god, gods, and the like. We have a great capacity for the irrational however at the same time it is always balanced out by the level-headed among us and for a great deal of human history this question would have been preposterous to even ask. The rational and irrational took this for granted and did not question the existence of the gods. I pondered the reasons for these unchallenged beliefs; deducing that superstition and wishful thinking along with a desire for an explanation of why things are the way they are in order to find meaning and purpose to life were plausible as answers. I also hypothesized maybe there was more to it than my rational brain could comprehend and perhaps the mystics of yore were able to make a connection with ethereal spirits. At any rate, I was supremely self-confident in my ability to eventually find the answer. It’s something that has served me well in my life - I know if I put my mind towards a problem I’ll get the answer. That in combination with the realization I’m a mystic at heart will lead me into uncharted territory the sober logicians among us fear to tread. As a champion of reason and logic, it is quite surprising that I can approach the mystical and explore. The scientist can only get so far before they start trying to map out the experience instead of letting go and free-falling into the abyss.

When I started out on this path, I investigated the world religions of current day and antiquity and became fascinated with the ancient Egyptians. The soaring majestic structures of the land and outpouring of religious literature of their culture led me towards an intellectual acceptance that allowed me to take them at their word. I believed what it was they were trying to convey. Would you build an unfathomable pyramid based upon superstition? Not only that, but the construction of multiple pyramids plus hundreds of temples. This allowed me to turn my efforts towards figuring out how they did it. By it I mean not how they managed to physically build a pyramid which is a mystery in itself, but how they came into contact with their gods. To make a long story short, in essence a study of the great goddesses of the land gave me the answer. The great goddess Hathor at her temple in Denderah was propitiated and approached through ecstatic dance, percussive and rhythmic music making, and intoxication. I connected this to archaic shamanism and a series of fortunate events then led me into the Amazon basin to drink this psycho-spiritual potion called Ayahuasca. Within a half hour of drinking that cup I had my answer.

Knowledge and understanding are quite different concepts. Just because I now knew there was a realm of spirits, gods, and goddesses didn’t mean I understood what it was all about. That has taken over seven years to get to the point where I can confidently answer the question, "do you believe in God?"

And here’s my answer. I believe in God and Goddess. I’ve met them. I have spoken at length with both of them.

As a mystic, it's actually not surprising I can do this. There currently isn't an academy for aspiring mystics that award you with a diploma in recognition of your power. Instead, you just know. It's the same with enlightenment where we look externally for confirmation of our spiritual mastery. It's quite funny to me. 

God and Goddess are my eternal parents who are the omnipresent flowing energy that are the fundamental makeup of everything in this universe. Everything is energy and the energy is the interplay of God and Goddess. The masculine divine is the acceleration of the pulse of energy and the divine feminine is the deceleration of the energy. She creates form and he provides the form with the spark of life. She promotes the coming together of all through love and he seeks liberation through destruction of form. The attraction between the two and the constant transformation at the heart of all is just what is. When they are together in a cosmic embrace we have darkness and potential. Come the Big Bang we have separation and light. And the appearance of a multitudinous of form as in their offspring. Within creation plays out the continual eternal pulse of just what is and because we have become self-aware we develop consciousness and can sense the energetic patterns of the universe. The evolution of this conscious awareness is the gift of mom and dad. Their children were conceived to become greater than the gods through the combination of energy and consciousness. The ultimate gift of love consists of eternal life in combination with knowing you are eternal. Your parents created this for you and bequeathed it all to their children.

My father doesn’t suffer fools. It has to be this way to teach you to be a brave warrior, full of strength and courage. Stand up for yourself. Don’t be a coward. The many faces of God are all my cosmic dad; the supreme actor whose methods of teaching are harsh. In addition, he is like the genie with the three wishes. He will offer you whatever you want and the smart play is turn him down and put him back in the bottle. I chafed at the god of the Old Testament for so long until I saw in him one of the many faces of God. Meet him in this guise and the phrase, “fear and trembling” comes to life. Now, I read the story of the Jews and see in it what happens when you ask for power. These are stories about power, reciprocity, recompense, and the consequences of not living up to your end of the bargain.

My mom created this playground called earth that us ungrateful siblings are fouling at an accelerated rate. I remember when I started out in earnest on the hero’s journey to reveal the mystery and find my treasure. She knew it could end in disaster because the ultimate alpha male, my dad, pulls no punches and will kill you if he must to teach you a lesson. She tried to hold on to me, to protect me, but eventually realized I had to do it. I was ready and she had to let me go. She gave me her cloak of protection and sent me on my way to face the dragon.

Throughout our lives the answer to the mystery stares us right in the face. We just don’t see it. As a parent you want everything for your children. You sacrifice. You witness them rebel and try to make it on their own and you let them go because you know it has to be this way. You want to step in and make it all work for them; to give them advice and a helping hand but ultimately you know for growth you let them find their way and hope that one day they find their way back home. I have walked this path for a long time now and I have returned to the steps of the front door of mom and dad. The greatest gift is the discovery of just who you are. I see it clearly now and the tears are flowing as I ready for the reunion. We are all the sons and daughters of God and Goddess. The two divine parents are the essence of my being and I carry them with me on my forever path.