rollercoaster

I think fluoride makes your teeth hurt.

It gets in the holes in your teeth and makes them hurt so you will go to the dentist.

Fluoride is a tool of the dentist.

That's how it prevents cavities.

That's an interesting conspiracy theory.

Thanks, I came up with it all on my own.

A key to investing is paradoxical.

You must have a high risk tolerance and then patience to do nothing when that tolerance is tested.

Because you can handle risk, the temptation is to make a risky decision to do something when faced with adversity.

The level of risk you need is the strength to do nothing when faced with the turmoil of high winds.

Others will offer you advice so you can repeat their mistakes.

Do nothing.

The siren is present within communities.

It's a call to join their outfit of assimilated people who were at one point independent and happy.

Communities have fines, bylaws, and jails.

Communities have snitch lines.

People talk behind your back all the time.

Why are you living in this community?

Good question.

Ideally, you would find a place which lacks neighbours and community.

It's a rollercoaster ride.

Stocks.

Drugs.

Life.

You touch a high.

You keep trying to get back to that high, but you can't.

Why?

You try to do too much.

The secret is to do nothing, and you will return.

Well, you are doing something, you are just aware to do it within a container and with discipline.

It's a little surprising in your case because you will take chances.

What about the low?

People try to avoid the low point again.

How?

Advice, diversification, and strategy.

Won't the rollercoaster return to the low point?

Yes.

Nothing lasts forever.

The ride will end for all.

Even the great companies you invest in.

Your biological life will come to an end.

Drugs are a wildcard and can take you low without warning.

What do you do?

Nothing.

If you do nothing you will return to the low.

Yes, it's natural.

When you fight it, you invite the return quicker.

Why?

The resistance makes it stronger.

So, you just let it ride.

Yeah, don't touch it.

Ride the rollercoaster.

The writer gives everyone a good ride on the rollercoaster.

When you fuck with it, then the rollercoaster goes off the tracks.

Don't fuck with the rollercoaster.

My decent retirement ahead is by luck.

Hard work doesn't get you ahead.

You will spend the money unless you find a place to put it where it is hard to get at.

I think that's the secret the credit card companies know about.

If you have easy access to it, you will spend it.

Putting your money into the stock market gets you ahead if you know how to manage your money.

An advisor will help you make steady gains.

They won't make you wealthy.

They are risk averse.

Hard work is overrated.

Staying employed and getting a decent amount of money to invest long-term is the reward you should seek.

Plus, buy a house and make those payments.

Will the rollercoaster return?

Always.

Are you scared?

No, it was a perfect ride last time.

Gratitude.

My life was spared.

That was the death spiral.

Dion saved me.

Just so we are clear, he played the Devil and saved you.

Yes, the Devil saved me.

Doesn't that make you scared?

No, that's so cool.

I didn't even ask.

It is because we are friends.

That's what friends are for.

The best friend you could hope for is the Devil.

That's a show stopper.

Dominant people want to dominate anyone.

Or animals.

Or ideas.

Submissive people want to serve.

They both don't have issues with gender, they just want control or to submit.

Is it a fetish?

Yes, but lots play it, not necessarily sexually.

You must pick a side to play.

Who says?

They do.

Some will pretend to be submissive and then take control.

That's their game.

Physical and mental dominance.

You didn't fall for it.

I never took control.

They give you power, and you are supposed to take it.

You didn't.

I'm impressively high.

Climbing the ladder today.

Notice how you don't go to the top of the ladder or the heights of your mind.

I know what it is like.

You'll fall.

You did okay on the very top of the ladder and at the edges of your mind.

Yeah, don't stay there.

Why is their freedom on the way up high?

You're dropping attachments.

Why?

You are told to.

You know what is the biggest attachment?

Heaven.

Attachments weigh you down.

You take them into Hell and burn them all.

That's why you go to Hell.

That's why Ammit, the devouring divine feminine monster of ancient Egypt, takes you there if you have a heavy heart full of attachment.

She takes you where you need to go.

You burn all your attachments and get free.

Yes, like an attachment to Heaven.

Precisely that one.

That fools you every time and you have been playing a long time.

Yeah, so people will eventually figure it out.

Then they pick Hell.

They think they must choose.

When they are finally convinced Hell is Hell, they do the no choose, nothing thing.

Does it go in that order?

Any order to figure it out.

Is this my first time playing that game?

I think so.

Why?

I don't remember choosing a side.

If I did, I'd remember.

You remembered blue water jugs in a massive Déjà vu.

That was pointing towards SpiritQuest.

It was a vision.

You remember Dion.

Yeah.

The Goddess.

Yeah.

I'm still playing the ritual game at the carnival.

I haven't beat it.

Yeah, but it's your game.

Yeah, I brought it to the carnival.

Why?

Because you go on all the rides at the carnival.

Why not do them again?

People don't do that.

They want to do them all.

Like at Disneyland.

Yes, and then they leave.

I knew I'd do them all and eventually get tired of them, so I brought my own game.

It's kind of stupid.

Easy to play.

I always lose.

Then I win some.

I have to do it 7 times in a row perfectly to win the whole game.

That beats the game.

Are you close?

No.

It also helps me beat other games.

How?

When I get really high or low, I play it.

It balances things out.

That's the reason behind my altars and mesa.

So, I'm playing this game wherever I am.

That's next level knowledge.

If you were going to design a nice day up here, this is close.

Some will complain about the bugs.

The worry would be greater if no bugs were out.

The movies you identify with are revealing.

Blue Velvet, The Matrix, Fight Club.

Wild at Heart.

It made it seem like I am disturbed.

You are.

I woke you up.

That what disturbed really means.

Yes, you woke the demon as in that kid is disturbed.

It fits.

Then the community conspires to put the demon back to sleep.

If not, they lock you up.

Once you are out, you aren't going back in.

Yeah, you must figure out a way to fit in.

What makes me or you special?

I'm out and there's no need to lock me up.

I'm cultured.

I can go out with you in public.

Okay, I see that.

You lay low for the most part.

It's all good.

How are you feeling?

I'm great.

You still have resistance.

Yes.

Good.

Why?

Balance.

Tao.

The two are resisting each other to create balance.

We are friends.

Yes, but there is some resistance.

You think I'm the Devil and I think you aren't trustworthy.

I do have a history, so your concerns are valid, however I made you like a dog and I'm great with dogs.

If you get good at the ritual, you can sense danger.

The ritual is your guide to staying at the carnival.

Have mesa, will travel.

There's no one up here because of the mosquitoes.

This is great.

Thank you, mosquitoes.

The branches creak and the wind blows when you are this high.

Sirens.

I finished all the rides at the carnival.

The monster was the last ride, and the ritual keeps you here.

She is still around.

It is a fun ride.

So, I've gone on all the rides at the carnival?

No, there's always more.

You did all the major rides.

You avoided the rides you shouldn't go on.

They are for fools.

Maybe I should go on them?

You're the fool, not a fool.

The great fool would see those rides are not something you should go on.

The shady character at the entrance should give it away.

The drug dealer?

Exactly.

They are illegal rides.

Even in the permissible countries, they are illegal.

That should give you a clue.

Yes, but so is Mary Jayne.

Why is she illegal in a lot of places?

She shows you the game.

She reveals the carnival nature of reality.

Why are some countries now okay with this?

Because with education they feel they can mitigate the problems she causes.

The mental health industry is all for MJ and Magic Mushrooms use because they will exacerbate and explode the mental health crisis.

I see that.

When you see the nature of reality, it is so confounding and absurd it will cause you to enter psychosis.

Why didn't that happen to me?

You have the strongest mind, plus you shut up about it.

When you do speak about it, you sound rational because you back it up with examples in the real world.

Like the whole Trump soap opera?

Precisely.

You write about it constantly.

Yeah, but no one reads it.

Whoever reads it thinks you are a little off.

I don't hide it.

I am pretty much together though.

I have my shit together in consensus reality even though I know it is a front for the carnival.

How does this reconcile with the idea of reality being a porno?

The porno is creating the customers for the carnival.

The carnival is the set that the Goddess created.

The writer is responsible for creating the story at the carnival.

He does it by creating rides.

You wander through life in the carnival, and you go on rides.

I see that.

The rides are fun.

Sometimes scary.

The ride ends and if you are still around you walk around, get something to eat, see a show, and so on.

Go on some more rides.

Watch others on their ride.

Everyone wants you to watch them go round and round on the Swings or Merry-Go-Round.

True.

They wave to you.

Look at me on this ride.

This is absurd.

It's amazing.

Diabolical.

The writer is twisted and makes the best amusement park.

That's why they get him to write the story.

Without him the carnival sucks and closes down after only a little bit.

The carnivals that move from town to town know they have a short shelf life and keep moving.

They are alternate stories by shit writers.

The only true carnival, the only true reality, is the one I have written into existence.

monsters and the devil

Do you believe your story?

Yes.

Then that's all you need to do.

You are the chief fool.

It's because I'm a genuine fool, that's the secret.

If you aren't genuine, then you can only fool them for so long.

If you live with them, they will figure you out quicker.

I don't stand out in a crowd until they take a second look.

If they take the bait on second look then they get hooked.

They run my profile through their head and think finally they have landed the big fish when I was the one fishing.

It's a game of "go fish" where you want to be the fisherman.

Fisherperson.

Once hooked things start to unravel.

The only thing unravelling are their expectations and projections.

They thought they'd have control of me and then they saw it was not possible.

I think that's a good summary.

Mary Jayne is coming on strong.

It's Dion.

He's taking over.

The Devil has tricked you and will take you over.

Do you become a killer?

Crazy?

Offender?

You're powerless to stop him.

Yes.

If he takes over in your youth, then you get a bad result.

You must wait until later in life when people start to think of retiring.

You gave power to your darkness.

Others are preparing for old age and death.

I'm different.

I'm wise.

I have a container I put things in.

Experiences I can handle.

I handle all this and get the meaning behind everything.

If you take too much, you'll get a really dark meaning to everything.

I see Dion and the writer behind the meaning.

It's not dark.

It's a story within the flow.

A strong wind hit me.

The wind is like the darkness where it is conjured up out of nowhere.

The wind just blows in.

You can't handle dark Dionysos in your youth.

He will turn you dark.

You wait for the older Dionysos.

Youthful Dionysos is a little much.

The rambunctious males will choose the younger Dionysos.

I waited and chose the older version even though he constantly pressured you.

You waited.

I passed the test though I always had him in me.

He's too devilish in your youth.

Now, he is refined.

More of a fool.

Young men aren't fooling anyone.

You can fool.

You mean you, not me.

You're in charge.

I'm watching it go down.

I'm not going against my conscience.

I have a sense of my moral limits.

Yeah, they are good.

It makes a strong container for Dionysos.

In your youth you haven't figured out your conscience limits.

It's easier for the darkness to take over.

Altering consciousness in your youth gets you to these questions before your time.

You got to them in your wise years.

The sirens are blowing.

I know I'm out there.

So, in your youth Dion is the Devil?

Yes.

What is he later in life?

A cool dude.

There's an understanding now.

You are two, and you take turns with Paul.

You always struggle with the two and you stay in balance with that method.

This lesson could be scary.

You handle all these classes.

You still have the Devil in you.

Yes, it's me.

You can handle it, so here I am.

You are the writer.

I'm a character.

Only the writer is the writer.

Creator.

Everything you do is right because the writer is you.

Yes, I know, but I don't see what he writes until it happens in the now and by then it's in the past.

The magic of the pen is writing in the future.

Yes.

Do scientists and witches know this?

Yes.

They can't get there.

Only the writer can be in the future.

Why?

That's what he wrote.

Of course, it's the writer.

Who tops the writer?

Not the Devil.

Doesn't the Goddess have the idea?

Yes.

She doesn't top me, we are balanced.

Eros is the idea in the future.

She has Eros.

You write it down.

This whole idea is Eros?

Yes.

He's nothing without parents.

His parents come after him.

Yes, he is out of control.

No, I mean there is Eros and then chronologically his parents come afterwards.

Yes, he's from the future.

To get to the future you must become your desire.

Yes, so some witches get to the future with lust.

What do you get to?

The goat.

Women are trying to take that power from you.

What?

The power to write.

Emasculation.

True.

They do it by going into the future.

You hang out with Eros in the future.

They know how to get there and take your lust.

You are sure this is the writer and not the Devil?

Pretty sure.

Not positive?

Never go all in.

I learned that lesson.

Unless you want the game to end, then go all in.

In the ritual I confused Dionysos and Eros.

A lot of people do so when they are young.

You still do when you are older, but you see it.

Yeah, it's funny but it works for a man.

Whenever Dion appears, it is with Eros.

It's a fool.

That's why you saw a goat.

I get that.

You two work together.

We are friends.

Best friends.

Touching moment in the story.

Your best friend has been captured by an evil witch.

What will you do?

Nothing.

Our friendship has no expectations.

Eros will trust I write a story for two best friends.

The dog story.

Yes.

You two.

With Luna and Brindle.

Yes, us 4.

I see where this is heading and it's uncomfortable.

Alright, you 4 can be human.

Got it.

Still a little weird.

You must decide between Luna and Brindle.

Both.

You're good.

The best.

What about the Goddess?

She is the queen bitch.

Jack, as Eros, hooks me up with the two dogs.

Got it.

Won't that piss off the Goddess?

She is used to it.

Plus, she trusts it will work out in the end.

So does Eros, and you made a dog world to celebrate.

How does the Goddess get what she wants in this scenario assuming you are also making her wait 7 universes before she gets her way?

The queen bitch will divorce you and take everything you have in the settlement, including your pen.

You must legally give it to her.

Then she writes her boring story.

The end.

Well, that is spiteful.

Yes.

That's misogynistic.

No, she gets what she wants.

She's greedy and wants what I have.

She wanted the idea and the pen.

She wanted Eros and my pen.

She gets both in the end but in order to create an unselfish and unified DEI world she had to be a selfish and greedy bitch.

Um, but you two love each other?

Yes, despite her calling me a dragon.

We keep up the interest with the conflict.

If not, we would have ignored each other for 7 universes.

That's a good guess as she is stubborn.

She took your best friend.

Eternal return.

He always comes back.

I trust that cycle.

The writer of the drama who gave me the pen wants to know what kind of a writer I am and at the same time make me realize what he went through as the writer.

He has to write suffering and death into the story.

You can wave a magic wand or pen and delay the suffering, however it's coming for all of us.

The writer, or his alter ego the Devil, gets blamed for it all.

The writer is shielded; it's the Devil who takes the blame.

Yes, so now that you have that power, what do you think?

I feel compassion for you.

You feel compassion for the Devil because you can't avoid suffering.

The story bakes suffering for all into our life story.

You can't go through life and not suffer.

Ram Dass talked about suffering and said it's all perfect.

What else can you say?

Do you think life is great or not?

If you say life is precious, then you must accept suffering as perfect.

If you think life is a waste of time, then suffering is abhorrent.

What a way to spend your time.

You are wasting time suffering.

That's Hell.

That's what the Devil creates for people who think life isn't precious.

If you wish suffering on people, then you'll eventually suffer in Hell.

You'll suffer because Hell is the place you go to when you think life isn't precious.

Holy fuck, Dion.

Perfect suffering.

It truly was and I thanked her for it.

The Goddess tested you out to see if you think she is a monster.

I wrote that I tamed her.

Only you can tame her.

Everyone else wants her to go.

I broke her spell and tamed the monster.

That's how you become God and are worshipped.

When you tame her, the bad stuff stops.

It's all part of the story.

You tame her by believing she isn't a monster.

That's all she needs.

A mom isn't a monster.

Or a woman looking for a mate.

Or wanting a perfect world.

A monster would have killed you.

Or tried.

You wrote it was the best thing that happened to you.

Yeah, I tamed her.

She tried to apologize, and you thanked her.

What a writer!

She's no monster.

She wants to write she's a monster.

Yes, she wants your pen because she wants to write she's a monster, but you won't let her.

That's the story and how you justify in your head everything that happened were well-timed coincidences.

I'll buy that.

They were synchronicities telling the story of her wanting recognition as a terrible monster and you refusing to acknowledge and write it.

She'd send you pictures of her as a monster expecting you'd write about how she's a monster.

I wrote she's a witch but not a monster.

There's a difference.

Good witch, bad witch.

Are there good monsters?

No, by definition a monster is terrible.

I then made her a mother which fulfills the monster requirement in that they become monsters to protect their child.

I fulfilled her need to be a monster through motherhood.

Okay, I can see how these stories are addicting.

They are crazy, yet you want more of them.

Yes, so you know you shouldn't be doing this, but you want another hit of stories.

I can feel that.

Aren't you worried you are getting addicted?

No, I think you must experience why you would get addicted, so you have knowledge of what addicts you, and then you work with that knowledge.

I know to dial down the dosage from the weekend.

I know I'm not doing a lot, but I can simulate a high dose while still having some semblance of control and by control, I mean not going over the edge.

It's important to be given the freedom to climb the mountain and it's also important to know when you are at the top of the mountain or the pyramid.

Another step on the top of the mountain or pyramid and you go tumbling down the other side.

That's your end.

So, within the container of the mountain or pyramid you climb up and down the side of the mountain and that allows you to continue in the game.

The other side doesn't have a path.

You can't climb it.

There's a way into and out of the labyrinth.

If you stay in the game, you still must follow the path to victory.

If you get lost in the maze, then you'll get beat.

Won't you get tired of the same path?

No, because you can venture off the path as long as you remember how to get back on the path.

How do you do that?

The container and dosage.

A higher dosage will get you lost because you left the container.

What happens initially with psychedelics?

You get into the labyrinth.

Why don't you get lost?

Some do but a competent shaman or guide will know the dosage and guide you.

You need a shaman with Ayahuasca who takes you into the labyrinth, you follow their songs on a journey, and then they bring you back out.

That's what a shaman can do for you.

Without the shaman, you will eventually get lost.

Do you see how an addiction in this case would work?

Yes, you keep going further into the mind until you are totally lost and can't get back out.

You end up looking for a story that will show you the way out.

You think you are going to get that story.

You have hope but then it turns to despair, and you realize you will never get out of the labyrinth.

Then the minotaur comes to devour you.

That seems like a bad outcome.

It's the result of addiction.

Addiction will get you lost in your mind, and you can't get out.

Some fall off the edge.

What happens if you seek help?

The therapist can hypnotize you into staying away from the addiction, but they can't cure it.

Relapse is always a possibility because you know you are not right, and you know to stay away from the addiction.

It is always calling to you.

It's a siren.

The siren beckons you.

The siren tells you they know the way out, so you always follow the siren.

When you follow the siren, it is to your doom.

What's the deal with that?

The siren is giving you the clue to get out.

You don't go to the siren.

You wake the fuck up.

You mean go back to sleep.

Yes, you snap out of it.

The mind you have entered into is the state of being fully awake, however you can't function that way in this world.

You must know how to go back to sleep.

You mean ground yourself.

Yes.

Like the woman at SpiritQuest showed you.

Yes, she told you to go into a flow state and ground yourself when you get too far out there.

That's her method.

I use sirens.

Plus, you have a container.

If you ever take too much, remember to find the sirens.

I use surveillance and paranoia as well.

That'll do; whatever snaps you out of it.

It's like snapping your fingers.

I used that trick to get past the darkness of Ayahuasca.

Yes, you'd go into the darkness and scare yourself until you started snapping your fingers and coming back.

Then you got past the block of the darkness in Ayahuasca ceremonies.

A monster wouldn't get rid of your ball and chain.

She'd want you to suffer in perpetuity for what you did.

She'd make you go back and take your punishment.

I haven't had any punishment, rather I enjoy it.

I'm not suffering at all.

The monster can't make me suffer anymore.

Why?

Because she made me suffer, tried to get rid of me, I saw her for who she is, and I'll play with her, but I won't get too close to where she can make me suffer again.

How are you going to do that?

Oh, I'm not going to do it, Dion will.

He doesn't get attached.

Attachment leads to suffering.

He knows all the tricks to prevent you doing something stupid like giving a monster your heart.

That monster will devour your heart every time.

You can't give the ancient Egyptian eater of the heart Ammit your heart.

So, what do you do?

You can do anything you want with the Goddess as Ammit, just don't give her your heart.

If you give her your heart, she will devour it.

It's the weight of your heart not the size.

If you have a heavy heart because of suffering, Ammit the monster will devour your heart as it sinks lower.

If you are light-hearted she can't touch you.

How do you become light-hearted?

You don't take life seriously.

You don't take love seriously.

You remember to play.

It's all play.

It's all a play.

Curtain drop.

Is that like a mic drop?

Sort of, but the curtain is the end.

A mic drop is a power move but doesn't signal the end.

advice not judgment

The awakening process involves searching externally for answers and eventually finding out what you are looking for is found within. You are everything and the answers are contained internally. The progression on the spiritual path is not over at this point. When you see this, a funny thing happens. In the external world you can then see with clarity what you are looking for.

I've started heading down this path and one of the initial lessons I received was enlightening. When you see the divine in the external then it becomes easy to love all. It's the secret sauce I was looking for because I finally had to admit I don't love the other. I find so many people fearful and greedy while holding them in contempt. I now see those traits within and realize the other, who is me, has incarnated into the flesh on this planet of the damned in order to satiate greed, work through trust issues, and become a warrior. Everyone has a path they are walking. I might not approve, get pissed off at them, or condemn them but the path they are walking will lead to a resolution of what brought them here, even if it means repeating the grade. I understand this and can now look everyone in the eye and have compassion for all. We will all get there, and I can honour that spiritual journey.

When I signed up for the plant medicine experience, I was cautioned it wouldn't be easy. Don Howard warned of the tumult to come in your life. Ceremonies were indeed difficult as the fear and unknown aspects of them were challenging to the point of wanting to run and never return. As hard as that was, I can say the life challenges thrown your way during the interval of the integration process are far more difficult. They are made hard by a stubborn refusal to take stock of oneself and apply the lessons to the situation you have received repeatedly. Service and doing things without expectations. Unconditional love. Reciprocity. Love Serve Remember. I've tried my best to not do this. Eventually, the hard knocks to the head get through and the approach mirrors what you have been taught.

What are plant medicines teaching me? What am I here to teach you? Did I learn my lessons or even understand them? I know why I took the course. I wanted to delve into the peculiar human condition which involves love. We strive to love all which is difficult. We passionately fall in love with one which seems easy. That love is more precarious, and failure has the potential to shatter your world. Loving all doesn't contain this outcome. There is always lots of love to go around and time to wait until others get aboard the love train.

The teaching starts to become clear. To escape the cyclical nature of being is to love all. Walking the path of the heart to this fork in the road has been a ride. I wonder how the next chapter plays out as I draft this story?

It's the weight of your heart not the size. Those are great lyrics from the 90s grunge band Alice in Chains in a song called "Angry Chair", describing the condition of your heart resulting from a lifetime of living. Some people grow a big heart in terms of being generous. The weight of your heart is determined by attachment. Getting emotionally attached to others in love and then suffering heartbreak will give you a heavy heart. Loving all with no preferences will make you lighthearted. You see the good in all and love everyone for their journey and contribution to this game of life.

When I started out on this path of discovery, I invested heavily into learning about the civilization of the ancient Egyptians. I came across what was called the judgment scene.

It involves the recently deceased having their heart weighed on a scale against a feather in the Hall of Maat in front of 42 divine beings. If the heart was heavier than a feather, then it would be devoured by the hybrid demon Ammit. Our modern take on it was that you'd be destroyed and sent to the depths of hell if you couldn't pass this test. If you did pass the test, off you went to see Osiris and get access to paradise. Ammit will constantly gorge on your heart if it is not as light as a feather. Do you need to wait until death for this scene to play out? It's available now and is on repeat.

We called this scene judgment because of our Judeo-Christian influence. The elements are suggesting this with the various divine figures looking on in addition to surmising the Hall of Maat is set up for judgment. The concept of Maat in ancient Egyptian thought is referring to the natural order of things, comparable to the Hindu concept of Dharma. Our western thought processes will immediately connect this to judgment. I'm not so sure about the inference. Maat is just the way it is. To go against Maat will bring upset into your life, but that's not judgment. Instead, it is your own doing. Thus, another way to look at Maat is not as judgment but just a product of your own choosing, to wit Karma. If you spend your lifetime becoming attached to others this will weigh down your heart and you will return to this heavy plane until the lesson is learned. We all know there's no escaping the eventuality that everything we hold dear here on earth is going to perish one day, including our own life. I think within this is found a cause for continual celebration. To rejoice in what we have and to let go when the time comes. Not to be sad but to be happy someone has completed their journey. From this can be derived a light heart. To love all.

We have a preoccupation with death and not living in the moment. We look at such a scene from the ancient Egyptians and immediately think this is the afterlife and we are going to be judged. The bias is because of our upbringing and applied by default. It's easy to bypass the default way of thinking if you just do it without thinking. That seems like an oxymoron, think by not thinking! Don't filter your thoughts before the expansion. Just see them in perfect form and try to grasp what it is they are showing you. Okay, got it? Look at the hybrid crocodile goddess Ammit devouring hearts. Internally, the Goddess is your heart. A heavy heart is the result of choosing to love only a few rather than all. When the select few leave for whatever reason, your heart becomes heavy and once again the monster will devour it. The lesson becomes strikingly clear. Love all. It's not judgment - it's advice. You are being shown the way to eternal bliss is with a light heart.

My heart, who is my mother, who is the Great Goddess, asked me, "Why can't you fall in love with one and still love all? Why do you have to be selfish and exclusionary?"

Yeah, why?