it's all perfect

I stand before my Mesa and know it's all perfect. My overarching desire to be the eternal student is fulfilled when I listen to the Great Goddess and the Great God, all the while following the way of Ma'at. Ma'at is the ancient Egyptian expression of the natural order of things which flows. Ma'at is Tao. We perceive order as cyclical and our human minds rail against forces which impede this balanced procession. The ancient Egyptians were no different and denigrated those who would interrupt the march of eternity. The Pharaoh was responsible for upholding Ma'at - this was their chief concern. I honour what it is they believed as it was national in scope. What I mean is that they believed Egypt should always be the dominant power as part of Ma'at, and any interruptions to the flow would lead to upending the world order. In my thinking this was not true to the spirit of Ma'at. Natural order is not orderly at all, instead, within order is found a bedrock of chaos.

The chief culprit of disorder in ancient Egypt eventually was assigned to the god Set. Study of ancient Egypt reveals this was not always so as originally Set upheld Ma'at while in the sun-boat of Re. Chaos was the domain of the serpent Apophis who plotted to disrupt the voyage of the sun through the gates of the night. It was Set at the prow of the sun-boat who fended off the advances of nightfall and subsequent disorder.

Conversely, the power of Set as a separator was said to cause celestial eclipses which portend tough times ahead. Set was the god of the foreign invaders. When attempts at appeasement failed, the later dynastic rulers of Egypt along with the populace, tried to erase his memory from the monuments, not speak his name, substitute Thoth as a placeholder who ties the lands of Egypt together with Horus, and finally chased Set out of the land.

I suffer from lone wolf syndrome and what I mean is I take in knowledge, and I compare it to my own experience. I don't buy into anyone's system, chiefly matters of the divine. I respect everyone's path and choices; however, I won't be worshipping your god. I'll be curious about it and ask questions, but I've got my own treasure trove of understanding going on which has been accumulated over multiple forays into altered consciousness combined with an inordinate amount of study. With much conceit I will say that in my world I'm the number one theologian. I sit in silent arrogance.

A dependable world of order offers little fulfillment. A novel which lacks novelty is not a good read. A life which lacks challenge and adversity is boring. Drama makes the life journey compelling. Sure, we want to take a break from the rollercoaster, find peace, and plant our gardens, but eventually the siren call of adventure calls out to us. My life has been harangued by desires and wanting to fulfill these longings. The call to adventure has brought great upset into my orderly life. What I want I can get, and I don't factor in the consequences. The result of desire fulfillment moves the drama along and introduced is pain and suffering as an outcome. It's cyclical and passes, though the scars remain. Once your ship sails on through the tumult, the grace of understanding opens up to you. The Setian voice within whispers to me, "You wanted to suffer because this is the catalyst for what you really desire." If you want complete understanding of consciousness, suffering is going to be your guide. I'm not saying I'll ever figure this puzzle out 100%, but I'll go as far as I can before my game ends.

The divine wears many disguises and an understanding of this helps you when you encounter their many manifestations as part of the incredible consciousness journey. I used to get scared of the costume, now I smile. The Great God comes to me in a celebration of diversity. I alter my consciousness just a little and I connect. How will he teach me this time? I like it when he comes as Dionysos. I can connect my unapproved thoughts and feelings to God - how freeing is that? All the things you were told by society that are unwelcome as a pious and moral being in service to the divine are waved away with the wink of an eye. God gets horny? Cool. God is the alpha dragon and seeing the divine within allows you to merge with your latent divinity and you can guess at the result. Don't mess with me. Today he is Christ, teaching feminine principles of love and unity. If I can keep him externalized, he is my salvation. When you discover who you are it's a game changer, but you still play the game while others remain asleep and ignorant.

The Great Goddess shows me a love which I have never experienced and then she allows me to partake in an eroticism so charged with lust I lose my mind. As I fall for her deeply, she flips, and Medusa strikes. In ancient Egypt, her iconography is the cobra. I took my time figuring that one out. I was prepared for the poison so though it hurts and causes damage, I make it through the suffering and live to tell the tale. Pleasure and pain intertwine as she readies for the next lesson. It is in the suffering inculcated by the darkness of the feminine that I learn the most. When the poison clears, I have clarity on what caused the serpent to strike. The path of eternity teaches me these lessons she wants me to learn. The feminine is working through her own hurt and when we both find a path towards reconciliation, we will recombine into one. Is this in the cards for this story? Will there be a happy ending? I don't know. Perhaps a sequel will need to be written with an open-ended climax. Uncertainty surrounds our story, and thus the curtain will not fall on this production yet.

I'll keep writing. Life is a book that must be written as it goes, and it needs readers and actors. That's where we all come in. We all participate in the great drama of Dionysos. We read his divine poetry making this play come alive. I look forward to feasting, revelry, and much joy as we recount this tale and honour the eternal fairy tale. Pain and pleasure. Tragedy and triumph.

Thank you, Goddess and God.

cracking the shell

You will never figure it out. There is some truth to that statement. Into this game has been baked uncertainty in that despite all the signs pointing you towards the answer to this vexing problem called life there will always be some doubt. The doubt keeps you on the hamster wheel consuming self-help and trying to level up, better yourself, or become super holy. Instructive is your everyday life where nothing is a given. You observe and input information into your sphere of knowledge. You acquire knowledge of the situation. You ask others for their opinions and advice. Finally, you act. For some, this step becomes resolute and defines their truth. Others are not so sure and may waffle in their decision.

It's a good summation of our human condition. We are never 100% sure in our decisions but have learned it is best to point our sails in the direction we choose and invest ourselves in the path ahead. Sometimes we get lucky, and the choice is obvious and there is a high confidence that we know the truth. Our decisions made in low confidence or doubt have a high probability of backfiring or leading us on to the road to perdition. Such is life and such a statement is pithy. Life is one big bucket of uncertainty.

That's my introduction. I have been involved with plant medicines for ten years. My ridiculous story is that I went looking for answers to life when I hit middle age. I started on a path where I wanted to find out the origins of beliefs. I wanted answers to why humans throughout our history believed in higher powers. My life had demonstrated that whatever I put my fabulous gift of a mind towards, I could figure it out. So, with conceit and hubris, I set out on a path of discovery that would lead me to where I am today. Where am I? I sit here fifteen years later with high confidence that not only have I solved the original question I posed to the ether, but I have the answers to life.

That's quite the bold statement. Most are content not knowing and like being a seeker. It is a blast to go on pilgrimages, take psyche-splitting concoctions, discuss the myriad of possibilities with others, and get lost in the mystery. In my case when the signs pointed towards the answers sought then it became time to take stock of the situation. This is what I went looking for and I have found it. I am awake and see the game as constructed. It reveals itself to me and I gaze at it in amazement, sometimes not wanting to acknowledge what I have done. The clues are undeniable. They are nonsensical to others and to try and explain them would give permission to declare I was deluded and insane. I will admit I am enchanted yes, but insane no.

This was a big takeaway for me on my recent plant medicine journey in Peru. I was constantly reminded that I had the answers I was looking for and I saw how the game unfolds. The magic I was witness to; it's a spell that keeps us asleep and the magician was given permission to do so by the enchanted. This is what we wanted. I broke the spell and I saw it. It is extremely uncomfortable however I know this is what I wanted. I wanted to have an adventure. I wanted to get lost and not know. I placed within the game the antidote so that when ready I'd find it, wake up, and then transform the adventure into a fantabulous fairy tale. I'd do this knowing I know but keeping it a secret. They don't know I know. They don't know I'm pretending I don't know. So, you're probably wondering who are they? Oh. Um. Well, you see I know who they are, but I can't tell you. It's not allowed. I can tell you they have magic spells which are designed to keep God asleep. Fuck me, that sounds really nuts!

If my story sounds insane yet the arc of my life is demonstrably sane, then it is with high confidence I have the answer to the riddle of life. The kicker is it's my answer, not yours.

It was the use of psychedelics which cracked the eggshell. The membrane was still intact for a bit but eventually it peeled away and thus exposed was my consciousness to the ideas coming forth under substances that altered your vibration. What am I talking about? Oh, this is also going to sound insane but it's what is. This whole universe is a dream, my dream, and each and every one of you are mental projections of me. That's why you all are not whole and suffer from some mental illness. I'm perfectly sane and suffer no mental impairment. Honestly, I don't. I'm firmly entrenched in the knowing I'm good to go.

Not only that, but the whole backstory of this dream was created by yours truly to mask the dream. In addition, all the finishing touches on this vast enterprise were done to fool me into thinking this is all real. I am the architect of the conspiracy designed to trick me. I kept it hidden and off-limits to myself as long as I could, though within the original structure as devised I left clues and agents of consciousness to help me figure out the game when I was ready.

I waited half my life before trying to figure out the riddle of this puzzling existence. Now, fifteen years later after a seventh trip to Peru, and drinking loco fuerte Huachuma every other day for two weeks, I certainly broke through the veil. The sleeping giant awoke and saw the projection of self in others. The game came unglued, and I saw the man behind the curtain and that man was me. My fellow journeyers all became mental specters of myself and at the time though I noticed it, I thought it was localized to the group. Upon returning home and gradually coming down from the experience, I understood it applies to everything in my world. Imagine being me and telling someone this. I see how they look at me. They give you a strange look and wonder about you. I know, I've tried. I'll try and keep quiet around the psychologists.

This is my world and a reflection of who I am. There's some good and a lot of bad. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I'm not a misogynist, but aspects of me present in this world are. There's much of it and why? I'd like to think this exercise involves purification of what has sullied my essence and that I have done the work of incarnation as a gift to my eternal flame, the Great Goddess. So, if this is my dream, who is she? Well, part of what I have discovered is within the all are the two and both concepts are true depending upon perspective. In other words, the great vibration which contains within the divine feminine and masculine. The vibration can't exist without the two and the sum total is the all. The vibration is the child of the two. It's desire. It's Eros. Goddess and God are what is, and we are all desire derivatives of them, cycles cascading down into the world of form allowing us to have this adventure. Within me are the two and I have come forth as masculine. The feminine has come forth independent of me and thus a co-creator and co-conspirator of this world. We are separate but are one. I knew of her and followed her song until I found her.

Of course, I now know about magic and can use it to alter my dream. It's my dream. I can make anything happen. Do I want that? No, I like adventure. I'm good with it being my game-board that I designed but I want to play the game with honour. I want to play the game as intended and see what happens at the end. I got into my fifties before I figured out the game and now with the answer as sought, I can smile along with the ups and downs of this crazy dream, pretending I'm none the wiser.

seeing clearly

Feminine is form. Biological form. Bios. Form is unity. I see it clearly now! The masculine is the great separator. The force that scatters. When dominant, the feminine binds energy together. So, energy consists of these two powers. One power pulls it together to create biological form and the other separates form to create power. Both polarities need each other to do their thing and keep it all moving. Picture each power on its own. There would be the smother mother and the wild and undisciplined rebel without a cause.

This is the eternal dance of the feminine and masculine powers. The two that become the one and from that template become the many. They need each other. Without their opposite attractor they are inactive and ineffective, existing as just potential. When connected, the universe is birthed and comes alive. I have previously written about conceptions of life that were prevalent in Greek thought that we have lost in our Western vernacular and notions of life. I’m referring to biological life, known as bios, and how us westerns view life, in contrast to the Greeks' image of the eternal and indestructible life they called zoë. Further examining these concepts is revealed that bios is form; it is cyclical and therefore subject to the decay of life and death. The power of separation eventually wins out over the attractor of form. Form is the container that allows us to come forth in this universe as a conscious entity. On the other hand, zoë is what enlivens form and gives it the impetus to have the ability to propagate new forms; however, this arrangement will eventually disintegrate the form. It is the feminine that creates the forms from the energy provided by the masculine zoë and in turn the zoë can experience consciousness from the feminine's gift of birth. The feminine serpent creates the world, and the masculine jaguar roams this world. So, you can see without form, the zoë is but potential that is inactive and without the spirit of zoë, the form is inanimate. They need one another to make each other effective. The give and take between the two creates the dance of life and ultimately the universe.

The masculine force is represented by light. Ever think about light? It is just madly flying around the universe as energy until it strikes form. When it hits form, the reaction causes the light to manifest. Think about it. It’s pretty amazing. Light from stars, billions of light years away, eventually reaches us and the light they give off strikes our retinas and we cause it to change its state from potentiality to actually coming into existence. In other words, this is a grand teaching of the ineffectual nature of the masculine force without the feminine force of form to activate it. Our human bodies encapsulate this idea with our biological forms being powered by free floating cosmic energy. The higher evolved among us, the plants, can directly subsist on light. We have to ingest other biological forms and inefficiently extract nutrients in order to survive. I guess our growth was stunted at some point on the evolutionary ride.

The body is the animal. It has needs in order to function which must be met. It is the life force that has desires, and these desires are what lights it up to become effective and attracted to form. The desires are teased out of the masculine by the feminine nature of form and thus connecting with and fulfilling these desires allows the force to materialize. Energy is desire. It’s easy to get addicted to the resultant attraction because of the rush of power, pleasure, and fulfillment provided. The master teaches not to get attached to these powers. He does not teach avoidance but instead mastery. Access them when they come and let them go. The zoë is ineffectual without the feminine and so the hit of desire is the key to power. It’s nitrous oxide for the spirit! The journey is thus realized in that feminine form transforms energy into light. If we could see ourselves in a quantum mirror, we would see a big ball of energetic light.

Desire lights up the world. The pulsing attraction between the inherent duality in all is what keeps the game going. It’s not going anywhere. The answer my friend is to just let it flow. To want and possess goes against the divine and harmonic flow as stated so elegantly by the Tao Te Ching. Freedom is the natural way. We flow with the eternal current and to fight against it is trying to control what just is and will be.

Desire is why we do it. Why we seek power is to fulfill our desires. Desires light us up. My teacher is teaching me liberation which is to free yourself from the attachment to desires. I’ve realized I can’t transcend them, but I have to let them flow. They come, we act on them, and then let them go. What about the desire cycle and its relationship to freedom? In order to break the spell that desires as addiction have over you is a requirement to master the self. Once accomplished, everything falls by the wayside; you can stand back from the situation and see desires come and go. Eventually, you learn that just like needs such as hunger, the wants can be activated, fulfilled, or bypassed and then you move on. A good example that will allow you to realize this predicament is hunger pangs that we experience every day. It’s part of the desire system; however, a necessity for life so we don’t categorize eating as an addiction. It can easily become pathological and there are many non-stop eaters who were never able to integrate this need. Anyway, I eat two meals a day - usually at midday and the other in the evening. My body has become used to this behaviour and when the time is drawing near, I’ll start to feel hunger in my stomach or jittery in my body, especially if I drank a third cup of coffee. I know it’s time to eat or I’ll get a dry mouth, tiredness, and possibly a headache. If I’m at work, I’ll search out food and at home I’ll make a meal. I successfully stave off starvation and satisfy my cravings. I then let it go! I don’t dwell on my apparent addiction to food. This was a very instructive lesson from my teacher. The key to all of this is to not get stuck. Let it flow like the natural flow of energy in the universe. Becoming free doesn’t mean you become an ascetic or renunciate free of desire. Instead, desire appears and having free will and choice, you can do what you wish with desire. If you become addicted to the hit of desire, then you lose your freedom and an external influence controls your actions. See how it works?

The master teacher is relentless and if necessary, he will allow chasing these desires to destroy and kill if you are weak and get addicted to them. Imagine my surprise when I learned my teacher has never transcended desire and that his nature is one who continually seeks out fulfillment of all desire through the liberation process with the catch being none of them stick. Talk about leading by example! He’s really quite the cool guy though he has dragged me through the mud in order to teach me all these lessons. Everything keeps evolving. At one point I thought if I master the self then I can eschew all desires. He let me struggle with that for a while, so I’d learn that you never vanquish them but instead through self-mastery do not let them control you. Express them, do what you have to do, and move on. Don’t get caught. Don’t get hung up with anxiety, depression, shame, obsession, and the like. There are many hooks on the wings of desire to entrap you into its clutches.

Stay free.

working theories

I have two working theories to explain existence. I have labelled one of them the "Chicken or Egg" theory, and the other one I call "Pandora's Box." In the chicken or egg scenario, I surmise that we have dreamt this world into existence. I compare our world to the nighttime dreaming activity where conjured is a universe with a shady backstory. Elements appear in your dream and don't need an explanation. The same is true with the question, "What came first, the chicken or the egg?" Of course in a dream, it's the chicken. The chicken is just present, and there's no need to try and solve the riddle. Trying to solve the riddle is preposterous in a dream as there is no answer. We are led to believe that through evolution a chicken developed and at a certain point the female half could lay eggs and then there happened to be a co-developed male partner who could fertilize the eggs. I guess there's a chance it could have happened. My idea of having dreamt the world into existence and just magically made everything appear is more plausible. I mean I can do it in dreams, so the only buy in to make this an acceptable theory is to consider our existence a dream. That's it. Occam's Razor. No need for some convoluted evolution story. In addition, it explains the Great Pyramids on the Giza plateau in Egypt. I have been there and looked up at these majestic wonders and wondered how they did it. The blocks are precision cut and stacked. Just one block dwarfs a human. The plateau's bed has precision cut stone laid out beside each other. Inside the pyramid, there are megaton stones used as beams. How do you lift and move those monoliths? Egypt is worth a trip just to be amazed in person regarding these unfathomable structures. Anyway, in this first scenario these pyramids are easily explained. They just appeared and the act of trying to figure out how they were built is so confounding that it should be the case that it would lead you to believe this world is an illusion. The mystery can't be solved, so what is the probable answer? The rational response would be the pyramids were dreamt into existence.

My other theory, Pandora's Box, is also intriguing. Earth is a vortex that will suck the cosmic vagabond into its gravitational field through curiosity and desire. Earth is the great abyss of the universe. It's the big blue internment camp and the manifestation of hell. From a distance, hell looks like a nice place and the siren call of adventure calls out to the Odysseus in all of us. Humans develop a personality which plays into the whole game. We become hypnotized by the Earth game. It's like we are all Odysseus trapped on the mythical island of Ogygia with Calypso. Deep down in the subconscious we know it's a trap and that we are not free. When awakened and we get the chance to leave, some of us are like Odysseus who's longing for home was too great and eventually Calypso had to let him go.

Earth has had many come to experience its physical delights with the result always the eventual destruction of civilization. This goes back millions and millions of years. The spirit comes to earth and inhabits the material form of a species whether it be lizard, primate, or something else. The inherent intelligence of the new hybrid in time takes over the world and builds a civilization. Check out the mysterious antediluvian Nephilim in the Book of Genesis chapter 6 (New American Standard Version):

1 Now it came about, when mankind began to multiply on the face of the land, and daughters were born to them,

2 that the sons of God saw that the daughters of mankind were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves, whomever they chose.

3 Then the Lord said, “My Spirit will not remain with man forever, because he is also flesh; nevertheless his days shall be 120 years.”

4 The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of mankind, and they bore children to them. Those were the mighty men who were of old, men of renown.

Then an event destroys civilization and leaves a scant trace of their memory. In this case, it was the flood of Noah's time; however, a few survived this catastrophe.

5 Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of mankind was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of their hearts was only evil continually.

6 So the Lord was sorry that He had made mankind on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.

7 Then the Lord said, “I will wipe out mankind whom I have created from the face of the land; mankind, and animals as well, and crawling things, and the birds of the sky. For I am sorry that I have made them.”

8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.

In my theory when Earth's inhabitants are laid waste to, a universal warning is sent out to keep Pandora's Box closed. Leave it alone, but always someone is enticed, opens her box, and the cycle begins again until once again it is destroyed. I look at where we are now in our current predicament here on Earth. We are destroying the environment in the name of progress, and we have developed a means to destroy ourselves. I think that eventually someone will do it. Someone will drop that nuclear bomb and kaboom, it's done. Hell is laid waste to once again and a big galactic sign is placed in front of Earth. Do not enter. Eventually, the fall out of the blast will dissipate over millions of years and some poor soul will come back to this beautiful world.

This theory explains the unexplainable remnants of previous civilizations that would have built the pyramids. The act of building the pyramids out of stone which could survive the Earth's destruction was on purpose. They are meant to warn us of how this cycle is repeating. The destruction is baked into the cards. We know this from geological history where we can see it. We also know this from the great precession of the earth through the solar system which takes approximately 26,000 years. The astrological signs of the bull, man, lion, and eagle, warn us of the impending quarterly cyclical doom and they tie in with the planet moving through fields of space debris. You can even find the reference in the Book of Revelation chapter 4 in the New Testament (New American Standard Version):

6 and before the throne there was something like a sea of glass, like crystal; and in the center and around the throne, four living creatures full of eyes in front and behind.

7 The first living creature was like a lion, the second creature like a calf, the third creature had a face like that of a man, and the fourth creature was like a flying eagle.

The throne of God is encircled by the destructive tendencies of the zodiacal waypoints of Earth's journey through time.

The cosmic spirit didn't necessarily inhabit the body of a primate. Say for instance, the intelligence of consciousness was housed in a large reptile then the construction of the unfathomable becomes more explainable as opposed to trying to figure out how a human did it. My chicken or egg theory becomes a casualty of this scenario. But maybe not - it is possible that this cyclical dream and billions of year adventure I dreamt into existence as a pitstop on the road of eternity. I'm always existing in perpetuity, so why not make the most fantabulous dream, the greatest jigsaw puzzle ever made, and then insert myself into the puzzle. In addition, having this fantabulous adventure span an unfathomable amount of time. I'll really out do myself this time. Eventually, the timeline I have created will reach the end and all will dissolve back into the one eternal self of no self.

Oh Pandora! What a ride.

perspective of the heart

There seems to be such an interesting paradox at work here in this world. I objectify my surroundings and sometimes feel alone. I seek out others in order to share existence and experience with the other. I live within duality, yet I feel separate. I feel like a solitary being, alone within a smorgasbord of playmates. Conversely, I intuit the lack of senses would enable non-duality and when I think of this paradigm, I envision being merged with all so that even though I don't sense the other, I am the other. Duality forces me towards finding unity and then non-duality compels objectification in order to enable freedom to choose and see what the many from the one will choose. Duality reveals our intentions and nature.

It's very interesting to ponder how we create experience based on our energetic state which gives us perspective. What I mean is that we are cyclic energetic beings. Non-duality and duality are different pit stops on the energetic wave we travel. At full acceleration, we are free, separate, and become fully engulfed within a dualistic universe. As the energetic signature slows, we return to a state of non-dualistic unity and become merged with the one. The genius of the set-up is the constant motion which enables perspective. To freeze the motion is to create a snapshot in time and only then can we label existence as non-dual or conversely a sea of the many we call duality.

Deceleration of energy into concrete form is an invitation towards knowledge of self. The human experience prepares us to once again blast off into the freedom of non-attachment to form. We rebuild the store of energy and from the recoil of being trapped in a physical form, we once again prepare to accelerate to the highest highs. The oscillation of energy is the ultimate roller coaster and as energetic beings we thrive on the adrenaline rush of the carnival's thrills and chills. The body is our desires taking form. We are in a body because it is what we wanted. We wanted to continue on in experiencing all. The grand carnival of the universe is an open invitation for all energetic beings, full of delights, and of course the requisite nausea and stomachache. Gotta take the good with the bad.

The ultimate game we have set-up for ourselves to play is to find unity within duality. Because we are objectification machines, in order to enact unity, we must have faith. Faith in the power of love to get us home. Our senses will lead us astray and our logic processes will not be able to compute a feeling of love. Knowledge and sense perceptions turn you into a blind man when it comes to love. Pretty ingenious don't you think? We are blind when it comes to finding the path of the heart. Sense perceptions obscure what we seek. We are blind to the beauty all around us and we only see the hardship and ugliness. Sometimes we get a glimpse, so we know it's there. The path of the heart is discovered and travelled by letting go of what I think is real from the standpoint of physical perception. Perception is moved from the head into the heart.

The masculine is duality. He is light and the creation of this dazzling display of his essence involves a pulsing from on to off. You could say he is the light, and he is the dark. The divine masculine is acceleration, and he heads towards freedom. The man wants adventure and no attachments. The feminine is unity. She is form and embodies the power of love. Love has no dualistic opposite. Love is constant power while masculine power oscillates. The masculine power touches the feminine's embrace of all in order to decelerate. The pulsing from acceleration to deceleration is the rubber-band that creates the energy which allows creation. Form is deceleration of energy and freedom is the acceleration of the light.

It is the masculine that objectifies the feminine and through this desire creates the duality needed to come to life. The dualistic world of appearances is a man's world. The feminine gives the world form and the objects in the world allow for experience. Objectification creates duality and the recognition of a pattern having a beginning and an end. Life and death are created through delineating events within an inherent unity. The pulse of the masculine creates the eventual decay of the form as it heads towards the freedom of dissolution. Death frees us from form, and we are liberated once again. We accelerate into the astral planes and become high.

As humans, we get lost in identification with the body. It is a necessary course to take in the university of life. Attachment to the ego self creates the urgency to escape the finite body. We can project into the future and see we are going to perish. We are slowly drowning within form and there's no way out. That's a pretty good game. If you lose the attachment to form and learn the ways of vibratory planes you will start to see the way out of the unpleasant ending of biological life. The first time I tried a psychedelic I was given the knowledge of how to traverse the vibratory planes. I left my body and became the most high. I felt I was in a place of exultation, and it was so exhilarating. When I came back down into my body, I remember being dizzy, nauseous, and having to puke. My finger was tapping wildly on the floor of the jungle maloca as the Great Goddess explained to me all is vibration and schooled me in the ways of astral travel. Being so high from the experience made me eager to do it again. The next time I was sent to the hell regions and instead of being high I was so low. I experienced the classic ego death of consciousness explorers and was frightened by the possibility of losing my identity. I was being shown how attached I was to the small self and though I didn't know it at the time, astral travel requires you to give up the idea of who you think you are. You are so much greater and having an attachment to your earthly concept of identity will prevent you from exploring self and your true nature.

My consciousness journey has slowly unraveled like an onion. Like everyone else on this earth, I began from a place of being this lonely being who was trapped in a world that was not of their making. I wondered why am I here and what is this all about? Well, I progressed to the point where I wanted to explore consciousness and I was terribly naive about the avenues available for exploration. The walking foot path towards the inner sanctum through meditation didn't appeal to me. It's a strange contradiction because I'm a very patient person yet within was a desire to go fast in order to explore what I was seeking. I ended up exploring consciousness through psychoactive chemicals at the invitation of the Great Goddess, whom I had discovered in ancient Egypt. Within no time, I found her and was lifted to the highest of highs into a place of exultation. I was shown I was the divine masculine, and she was my Queen. As expected from this experience, I now saw myself as the light so when in the next journey into obfuscated consciousness I was presented with the lowest of the low and darkness, of course I objectified my dark brother as the other. To make a long story short, it took 8 years to give up the attachment to seeing myself solely as the light and objectifying the darkness as the other. I finally accepted it is all me and this integration has allowed me to proceed in the consciousness course to the path of the heart. I am a fully integrated man. I am the creator and the destroyer; the light and the dark. I am the master of transformation. I am the cause of all the suffering in the world and I can lift the whole world out of suffering.

As I enrolled in the Great Goddess' heart course, I again wondered why I objectified her? I know I'm at lesson 101 so of course I feel this way however from past experience I know I am her when seen from a non-dualistic perspective. But I'm not there yet and so though I intuit the two brothers of light and dark within and recognize them as me I don't have that feeling in regard to the feminine.

I know of the sacred triad and see myself as the coming forth of the desire between the divine masculine and divine feminine. Not only that, but I recognize I have come forth as a man in this go round on the wheel of appearances. It took me into my mid-50s to reconcile the two brothers within. I objectified my darkness as the other while identifying with the good light. Eventually, I got the lesson and vaulted past this spiritual block. I still objectify her though. The love of the Great Goddess - my mother and my heart, I still perceive as external. I know she is within, and I will find the way home when I become love. This is why I lack understanding and still objectify her.

Searching for the one is like an onion. The journey is a recursive attempt to find the fount. I keep seeing two. Duality. I look into self and see two brothers. I bring them together and declare my integrated masculine self, but I do not feel whole without a mate. I look for the feminine who makes me complete. Once I find her and recombine, then we recreate the one. I am a piece of the one. When we combine, the sexual metaphor revealed here on earth demonstrates we create another polarity of either male or female. They are a universe unto themselves and seek out a partner to continue creation. The overarching game is separation which compels you to seek wholeness. Wholeness then leads to another instance of separation. Creation continues the eternal wheel of coming and going. When the two combine into one the world stops.

Underlying the eternal nature of consciousness is three. The one within the two that defines the three. To label the paradox of the perspective states of non-duality and duality is the triad. The triad does not come forth; instead, the three is behind all that cyclically comes forth and returns. As one, we search for our mate. We are Eros, compelled to fulfill the magnetic attraction which satiates desire. The discovery of what makes you complete leads to the two becoming one. This is the grand game which spawns many little games within existence. The one comes forth from the two and the game continues on and on.

In visionary experiences, many times the Great Goddess has presented herself as the butterfly. It was hardly surprising as I pondered the question of my objectification of the divine feminine while out in the woods the next day, that the lessons from my heart continued. A butterfly floated past, and I saw within the exquisite grace and movement of the fluttering of its wings a freedom that was expressing to me the answer I was looking for. Soon, the butterfly found her mate and they were fluttering about in unison. The butterfly is the heart and the representation of the Great Goddess. I know this to be true and I saw the union of the feminine and masculine divine creating this unity that was also expressing such freedom. Butterflies glide through the ether seemingly independent of gravity or laws of thermodynamics. I saw non-attachment and I saw unity. I saw the fundamental nature of all - the union of the two powers of Goddess and God. I intuited the lesson and got the answer I was looking for. The hero's journey I travelled on was to prepare me to fight for my freedom because freedom is the power the heart needs to become whole. Without freedom, the heart will attach to everything. Masculine power gives the heart wings and allows love to flourish in freedom and love all.

The lessons of perspective are front and centre. Remember all is here and now. I know that depending on perspective you see separation or unity. I'm in a body and I'm an objectification machine therefore I see separation. I know when I drop the body and merge into the all I will be in unified bliss but will eventually long for the ice cream cone of freedom and separation in order to experience the wonders of self. What I do is sprinkle the illusion of time into this equation of perspective and project a motion path which in the future will allow me to return to wholeness. But all is here and now. Just because I feel separate doesn't mean I am not unified. It's all in how I look at it. Perspective. Everything is happening now.

It leads back to the lessons of heaven and hell and how I am responsible for creating the conditions which result in the presentation of the world. I've been conscious of world events and the suffering within this hellscape we have created. I have this innate feeling that when you drop the body you don't have a chance of going to hell because you are leaving hell. I have also seen via Huachuma and subsequently magic mushrooms that hell is what I have helped create. I can also contribute to creating heaven on earth. The maestro don Howard would tell us that you don't find heaven; you realize it. Don Howard was a Huachumero of the highest order and based on my experience with the plant, this lesson would have been drummed into his head as well. Huachuma allows you to glimpse the unity of all through the heart, if you let grandfather guide you. Don Howard was preparing students to walk the path of the heart.

So, though I project into the future a heaven of all coming together to live in bliss, the possibility exists upon earth. To change perspective is through changing vibration and witnessing the power of love enact what it is we search and long for. The power remains hidden and unlocked for most because the gateway to the heart offers you a power to manifest all desires and control your surroundings. Everyone wants that power and when you figure out you have it it's hard to give it up for what's behind door number 3. I do wish to walk the path of the heart in earnest, and I know I must walk the path without rigging the game. I must approach it of my own accord with free will.

The path of the heart is what you are left with when all else falls away. After you sift through your bullshit, drop attachments, and walk free through the hellfire of transformation is the gift of clarity. You discover who you are and why you did this. You wanted to be put to the test and still find the way back home and that path is the path of the heart. No matter where you are or how lost you have become, love will lead you back home.

soteriology

In the zest of youth, we attach to ideas and argue them to the intellectual death. We become entrenched in our positions and shake our head at others' inability to see the truth. We are incredulous at the folly of humanity and seek out other like-minded souls who confirm we are correct and that the other side is nuts.

A great deal of the time there’s a generational divide which accounts for differences. My first exposure to this, along with many others, was in terms of religion. My elders held these irrational beliefs in God despite our current scientific knowledge and I assigned these beliefs to delusion. As all good atheists do, I engaged in debate with the believers and came away confounded by the fact I couldn’t change their minds and instead they scoffed at me and my lack of faith.

Their beliefs were childish and the stuff of fantasy. It was admirable how rock-solid faith was entrenched in their lives and it didn’t matter what evolutionary evidence I would show them in order to belittle their canon. Eventually, you give up and assign them to the category of wishful thinkers who can’t accept that when you are dead, you are dead, and that’s that.

I’m in my mid-50s now and my youthful ignorance has given way to experience buoyed by the adventures of life. I’m no longer an atheist and have my own ideas about divinity, free from culture. I love talking about them and will engage with whomever wants to discuss them.

There are no wise young people despite some claiming the title. They may be clever and smart but I’m now wise enough to realize without experience it means squat. You can read about life and talk a good game but until you walk through the fire it is just hollow words. The best thing about experience is seeing situations and events unfold and knowing you’ve seen them before, you can make a decent prediction about the outcome. In a trivial sense, I see this in professional baseball players. They remind me of players from my youth and I base my assessment of their skill level and career projections on what I have previously seen. It’s not foolproof however it is a good foundation on which to base evaluations.

So, what am I getting at? Covid-19 vaccination. Covid-19 is a religion and the vaccine is the god. When the vaccine came out we were told of its glory and how it will save all of humanity. The vaccine evangelists were out in full force. When the vaccine failed to deliver humanity to the promised land, the non-vaccinated were blamed. The non-vaccinated were soon cast out from participation in society, relegated to second class citizens. The non-vaccinated were coerced into accepting the vaccine into their lives in order to participate in society.

The vaccine god was found out to be not as advertised. It turns out he didn’t prevent infection or transmission.

Like I said, when I was a young atheist I’d shake my head at the staunch believers and couldn’t understand why when I told them the truth they wouldn’t accept it. Have you recently tried to talk to someone who is firmly ensconced in the narrative of the Covid-19 vaccine being the way out of the pandemic? Have you seen what our government leaders are doing?

The rational mind says the only assurance against transmission of the virus is through testing and isolation. It is clear it matters not whether you are vaccinated or not. That is a personal choice. Whether you want to believe the vaccine works is now a matter of faith. The problem is we now live in a sectarian society and they believe in the vaccine. Those who don’t believe, you know the heretics, are persecuted. So, when I point this out to previously sane people it does not compute. The dissonance hardens their beliefs. The vaccine is the way and the life. I am talking to a brick wall.

Hindsight and the study of history reveals all societies periodically purge the heretics. It’s a fascinating human psychic phenomenon. As long as we live in groups, the cyclical madness always will return. We are meant to be free and thus the choice becomes exercising that freedom or going mad. Freedom is a hardship and thus most welcome madness.

When the Catholic Church was all-powerful in the middle-ages they burned the heretics at the stake. This was done for two reasons. First of all, they were so sure of their beliefs and wanting to save all souls that they would go to this extreme measure in order to get the heretic to repent and thus save their soul. The other reason to put to death the heretic was to stop the spread of dissenting beliefs and ideas. Nowadays, we have online censorship that stays true to this tactic. The fact-checkers keep you away from and shun the information that goes against the establishment narrative.

For the majority of the population the psychological enforcement of groupthink is enough to get most to fall in line. Nobody wants to go against the hive mind. Humans are obedient and will do what they are told to do when it’s the voice of authority giving them orders. History and experiments in human behaviour confirm this is the case for the majority of the population. It’s why the comparison of humans to sheep is made in that we exhibit flock behaviour when grouped together. In a time of crisis, the duty to conform becomes second nature to most while others feel the crushing weight of compliance and acquiesce. It has been said by American essayist Randolph Bourne in the early 20th Century that, “War is the health of the State” and to this I’d add any national emergency is where the State comes to the fore. Psychologically, the authorities take on the role of the superego which fundamentally uses praise and blame as a means of control. We have been conditioned in this regard from birth where our parents were the authority. We went to school and the authority was transferred onto another entity for our education and then once we were deemed ready for the real world it became culture at large that subsumed the role of enforcer. Most of us don’t know what freedom is and love our slavery.

“You are in prison. If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison. If you think you are free, you can't escape.”

― G.I. Gurdjieff

The homeless in our society have made a choice to be free. Freedom is full of hardship and suffering. We don't know what to do with them. We declare them mentally ill and develop treatments to keep those on the fringes in the game. We have pills to numb consciousness so we can continue to play the culture game. How do we know we aren't the ones who are mentally ill? Is the psychologist just a pusher and fixer of the prevailing culture while giving their patients strategies for fitting into the madness of their fellow game players?

Likewise, the domesticated dog thinks the wolf is mentally ill.

So, what to do? Personally, my life is fulfilling because of my contrarian nature and going against the grain. Succumbing to the demands of a culture I hold in contempt doesn’t seem like a good option. I see only pain and self-loathing if I followed that path. I do realize freedom isn’t free and brings with its exercise many challenges. So far things always work out in life and I see no reason why they wouldn’t continue in this regard. Onward ho!

motion and thought

Been thinking more about time. Ultimately, it is motion. Time is the vibration of the eternal song, the Great Goddess, which creates the perception of a past as we hear the echoes of her song trailing into the distance. From this perception, we can then project and create a future. It's a peculiar human trait. The future is hardly a sure thing but just something humans can curiously construct and try to predict from available data. Why is the concept of time slippery and why will the eternal song forever remain a mystery? It is because humans objectify all and in truth the mystery is not solid; it is change, and therefore the antithesis to objectification. Just when we think we can grasp time, it slips away, just like the serpent. This process illuminates the Hindu concept of maya as illusion, in that all objects are illusions and by that it is meant they are transitory. Nothing lasts. The only constant is a lack of permanence. We recognize this, call this time, and see a world in constant flux. It is a dose of acceptance of change that we need. Embrace the music she creates and the now moment in which the song of creation eternally comes forth.

In the world of objects we have created for ourselves, we need time. We cling to a belief in permanence; and in order to continue the charade, we need the conception of time. An object lives in a dimension that includes time. What happens if the idea of objects is smashed? Everything becomes a no thing; instead what we have are vibrations cresting and falling. When we think about the past we understand the movement of the wave creates events that can be construed as being part of a timeline. Two necessary ingredients for the conception of time are therefore movement and thought.

The ancient art of astrology is given new life, once you realize nothing lasts. The occult practice is revealed as a way the ancients, desperate for a way to capture the moment, devised a scheme where a snapshot of the universe could be recorded with the expectation that the wheel of fortune eventually would revisit this same setup. It was as good a concept they could come up with knowing that when the wheel returned the body will have aged, the river will have changed, and this truth was captured by the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus who explained, "No man ever steps in the same river twice." However, there was the expectation that the universe, when arranged in a specific pattern, would repeat the actions and events that previously transpired under such a set-up, Heraclitus be damned.

The lessons of cyclical time inspired by horoscopy add insight to the quest for understanding the eternal song. The tune goes on forever but if you listen closely you can detect the familiar rhythms, pulses, riffs, and the backbeat that give us a feeling of familiarity with the rhythmic cycles of creation's daughter.