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Showing posts with label hell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hell. Show all posts

Monday, August 25, 2025

rollercoaster

I think fluoride makes your teeth hurt.
It gets in the holes in your teeth and makes them hurt so you will go to the dentist.
Fluoride is a tool of the dentist.
That's how it prevents cavities.
That's an interesting conspiracy theory.
Thanks, I came up with it all on my own.

A key to investing is paradoxical.
You must have a high risk tolerance and then patience to do nothing when that tolerance is tested.
Because you can handle risk, the temptation is to make a risky decision to do something when faced with adversity.
The level of risk you need is the strength to do nothing when faced with the turmoil of high winds.
Others will offer you advice so you can repeat their mistakes.
Do nothing.

The siren is present within communities.
It's a call to join their outfit of assimilated people who were at one point independent and happy.
Communities have fines, bylaws, and jails.
Communities have snitch lines.
People talk behind your back all the time.
Why are you living in this community?
Good question.
Ideally, you would find a place which lacks neighbours and community.

It's a rollercoaster ride.
Stocks.
Drugs.
Life.
You touch a high.
You keep trying to get back to that high, but you can't.
Why?
You try to do too much.
The secret is to do nothing, and you will return.
Well, you are doing something, you are just aware to do it within a container and with discipline.
It's a little surprising in your case because you will take chances.
What about the low?
People try to avoid the low point again.
How?
Advice, diversification, and strategy.
Won't the rollercoaster return to the low point?
Yes.
Nothing lasts forever.
The ride will end for all.
Even the great companies you invest in.
Your biological life will come to an end.
Drugs are a wildcard and can take you low without warning.
What do you do?
Nothing.
If you do nothing you will return to the low.
Yes, it's natural.
When you fight it, you invite the return quicker.
Why?
The resistance makes it stronger.
So, you just let it ride.
Yeah, don't touch it.
Ride the rollercoaster.
The writer gives everyone a good ride on the rollercoaster.
When you fuck with it, then the rollercoaster goes off the tracks.
Don't fuck with the rollercoaster.

My decent retirement ahead is by luck.
Hard work doesn't get you ahead.
You will spend the money unless you find a place to put it where it is hard to get at.
I think that's the secret the credit card companies know about.
If you have easy access to it, you will spend it.
Putting your money into the stock market gets you ahead if you know how to manage your money.
An advisor will help you make steady gains.
They won't make you wealthy.
They are risk averse.
Hard work is overrated.
Staying employed and getting a decent amount of money to invest long-term is the reward you should seek.
Plus, buy a house and make those payments.

Will the rollercoaster return?
Always.
Are you scared?
No, it was a perfect ride last time.
Gratitude.
My life was spared.
That was the death spiral.
Dion saved me.
Just so we are clear, he played the Devil and saved you.
Yes, the Devil saved me.
Doesn't that make you scared?
No, that's so cool.
I didn't even ask.
It is because we are friends.
That's what friends are for.
The best friend you could hope for is the Devil.
That's a show stopper.

Dominant people want to dominate anyone.
Or animals.
Or ideas.
Submissive people want to serve.
They both don't have issues with gender, they just want control or to submit.
Is it a fetish?
Yes, but lots play it, not necessarily sexually.
You must pick a side to play.
Who says?
They do.
Some will pretend to be submissive and then take control.
That's their game.
Physical and mental dominance.
You didn't fall for it.
I never took control.
They give you power, and you are supposed to take it.
You didn't.

I'm impressively high.
Climbing the ladder today.
Notice how you don't go to the top of the ladder or the heights of your mind.
I know what it is like.
You'll fall.
You did okay on the very top of the ladder and at the edges of your mind.
Yeah, don't stay there.
Why is their freedom on the way up high?
You're dropping attachments.
Why?
You are told to.
You know what is the biggest attachment?
Heaven.
Attachments weigh you down.
You take them into Hell and burn them all.
That's why you go to Hell.
That's why Ammit, the devouring divine feminine monster of ancient Egypt, takes you there if you have a heavy heart full of attachment.
She takes you where you need to go.
You burn all your attachments and get free.
Yes, like an attachment to Heaven.
Precisely that one.
That fools you every time and you have been playing a long time.
Yeah, so people will eventually figure it out.
Then they pick Hell.
They think they must choose.
When they are finally convinced Hell is Hell, they do the no choose, nothing thing.
Does it go in that order?
Any order to figure it out.
Is this my first time playing that game?
I think so.
Why?
I don't remember choosing a side.
If I did, I'd remember.
You remembered blue water jugs in a massive Déjà vu.
That was pointing towards SpiritQuest.
It was a vision.
You remember Dion.
Yeah.
The Goddess.
Yeah.

I'm still playing the ritual game at the carnival.
I haven't beat it.
Yeah, but it's your game.
Yeah, I brought it to the carnival.
Why?
Because you go on all the rides at the carnival.
Why not do them again?
People don't do that.
They want to do them all.
Like at Disneyland.
Yes, and then they leave.
I knew I'd do them all and eventually get tired of them, so I brought my own game.
It's kind of stupid.
Easy to play.
I always lose.
Then I win some.
I have to do it 7 times in a row perfectly to win the whole game.
That beats the game.
Are you close?
No.
It also helps me beat other games.
How?
When I get really high or low, I play it.
It balances things out.
That's the reason behind my altars and mesa.
So, I'm playing this game wherever I am.
That's next level knowledge.

If you were going to design a nice day up here, this is close.
Some will complain about the bugs.
The worry would be greater if no bugs were out.

The movies you identify with are revealing.
Blue Velvet, The Matrix, Fight Club.
Wild at Heart.
It made it seem like I am disturbed.
You are.
I woke you up.
That what disturbed really means.
Yes, you woke the demon as in that kid is disturbed.
It fits.
Then the community conspires to put the demon back to sleep.
If not, they lock you up.
Once you are out, you aren't going back in.
Yeah, you must figure out a way to fit in.
What makes me or you special?
I'm out and there's no need to lock me up.
I'm cultured.
I can go out with you in public.
Okay, I see that.
You lay low for the most part.
It's all good.
How are you feeling?
I'm great.
You still have resistance.
Yes.
Good.
Why?
Balance.
Tao.
The two are resisting each other to create balance.
We are friends.
Yes, but there is some resistance.
You think I'm the Devil and I think you aren't trustworthy.
I do have a history, so your concerns are valid, however I made you like a dog and I'm great with dogs.

If you get good at the ritual, you can sense danger.
The ritual is your guide to staying at the carnival.
Have mesa, will travel.

There's no one up here because of the mosquitoes.
This is great.
Thank you, mosquitoes.

The branches creak and the wind blows when you are this high.
Sirens.
I finished all the rides at the carnival.
The monster was the last ride, and the ritual keeps you here.
She is still around.
It is a fun ride.
So, I've gone on all the rides at the carnival?
No, there's always more.
You did all the major rides.
You avoided the rides you shouldn't go on.
They are for fools.
Maybe I should go on them?
You're the fool, not a fool.
The great fool would see those rides are not something you should go on.
The shady character at the entrance should give it away.
The drug dealer?
Exactly.
They are illegal rides.
Even in the permissible countries, they are illegal.
That should give you a clue.
Yes, but so is Mary Jayne.
Why is she illegal in a lot of places?
She shows you the game.
She reveals the carnival nature of reality.
Why are some countries now okay with this?
Because with education they feel they can mitigate the problems she causes.
The mental health industry is all for MJ and Magic Mushrooms use because they will exacerbate and explode the mental health crisis.
I see that.
When you see the nature of reality, it is so confounding and absurd it will cause you to enter psychosis.
Why didn't that happen to me?
You have the strongest mind, plus you shut up about it.
When you do speak about it, you sound rational because you back it up with examples in the real world.
Like the whole Trump soap opera?
Precisely.
You write about it constantly.
Yeah, but no one reads it.
Whoever reads it thinks you are a little off.
I don't hide it.
I am pretty much together though.
I have my shit together in consensus reality even though I know it is a front for the carnival.
How does this reconcile with the idea of reality being a porno?
The porno is creating the customers for the carnival.
The carnival is the set that the Goddess created.
The writer is responsible for creating the story at the carnival.
He does it by creating rides.
You wander through life in the carnival, and you go on rides.
I see that.
The rides are fun.
Sometimes scary.
The ride ends and if you are still around you walk around, get something to eat, see a show, and so on.
Go on some more rides.
Watch others on their ride.
Everyone wants you to watch them go round and round on the Swings or Merry-Go-Round.
True.
They wave to you.
Look at me on this ride.
This is absurd.
It's amazing.
Diabolical.
The writer is twisted and makes the best amusement park.
That's why they get him to write the story.
Without him the carnival sucks and closes down after only a little bit.
The carnivals that move from town to town know they have a short shelf life and keep moving.
They are alternate stories by shit writers.
The only true carnival, the only true reality, is the one I have written into existence.

Monday, June 23, 2025

love is freedom

At my Mesa last night, I finally understood Ram Dass' mantra, "I am loving awareness."
Oh yeah, do tell.
Well, since you asked, it is about becoming a conduit for love.
Why is that necessary?
I noticed that love doesn't really exist, or it seems to be rare in this world.
People go around saying they love each other, but the truth is they are using each other.
It sounds crass, but I deduced that the love we refer to is a structure built upon a network of caring for each other.
Now, I know this sounds kind of crazy, so bear with me.
Caring is necessary in order to get others to love you.
The default state is to not care about other people, however, when you practice this, it turns out no one will care about you.
This leads to a lack of love in your life because our concept of love involves caring.
The twisted part of this love is that it is selfish because you only care for other people in order to receive a care package in return.
The motivating factor in caring about other people is that you want something from them.
What you want is for them to care about you.
Why don't you just play that game?
I can't.
Why not?
It's a lie.
Why?
I don't care about others.
Well, then no one will care about you.
I asked the Great Goddess a long time ago about unconditional love.
I don't think we are ready to know about unconditional love.
Why?
No one practices it.
Unconditional love is loving though you don't care.
There are no conditions.
Do you see that anywhere?
No.
Can you love someone even if they hurt you?
That's tough.
A dog loves you when you feed and walk them.
You love your dogs for their companionship.
It's conditional.
If you fed your dog and then it took off, would you still love your dog?
I'd care about their wellbeing and keep feeding them.
Yeah, you'd care.
I already don't care enough in my life.
How is that working out for you?
It's the secret sauce to life.
Don't care and do nothing.
Yes, but it leads to a lack of love and no friends.
I see that.
I don't feel used.
I don't have anyone I can call on in a time of need.
You are a special case.
You don't even use free government services or work benefits.
Why don't you?
It's a master slave relationship.
So, you want to be the master like with your dogs?
No.
I want them to be free.
I never treated my dogs that way in terms of being their master.
I let Brindle roam.
She was free to do whatever she wanted.
I had to keep Luna on a leash or corralled around the house because she was nuts.
In the woods, I let her run.
I took her every day into the woods and just let her loose.
I remember when I first did it and let her free.
She loved it.
So, you can see it, right?
Love is freedom.
Freedom is an unconditional gift.
You can do whatever you want with it.
There are no attachments.
In this lesson plan, where have you learned there are no attachments?
In Hell.
If you have a lot of attachments, you end up in Hell.
Why?
You burn them in the fire.
That's what the fires of Hell are for.
You throw all your worldly attachments into the fire, and you are free.
No one is attached to going to Hell.
Everyone is attached to going to Heaven.
It's very funny.
You shed your worldly attachments and ascend to Heaven, the biggest attachment on the go.
Okay, you nutter, you are saying in Hell is where you find freedom and will discover how to love unconditionally.
Yes, it's a shit show in Hell because no one cares and is doing whatever they want.
That extreme doesn't work.
So, you can't love unconditionally because it leads to a hellscape?
It appears to be so.
However, if you wish to learn to love unconditionally, Hell is a great place to start.
I think there is merit to that suggestion, however I'm trying to find unconditional love on earth.
There is only one way.
What's the way?
I am loving awareness.
You love everything you are aware of.
The best part of the mantra is you repeat it over and over again and you don't know what it is, but it sounds like a good thing.
When you are ready, you get the lesson.
It's a difficult lesson.
It's a lonely life if you don't care.
Do you think you can love unconditionally?
Yes.
Why do you think that?
Because I couldn't have had this adventure without everyone else.
Without them, there is no adventure.
So, the condition is you need them to have this adventure?
No, I didn't ask them.
No one here on earth is here because of a condition.
We all showed up on this voyage of the damned out of our own free will.
We had freedom and we chose this earth adventure.
I can love all because they are part of my adventure though they had no intention of helping me out.
You are one clever motherfucker.

Monday, June 16, 2025

lunar power

I have 7 and a half years left until retirement.
Yeah, that's the plan.
What do we know about plans?
They don't work out.
You have witches trying to kill you.
True.
Do you think they will succeed?
No.
Why?
I'm onto them, plus I know the game.
I like it and want to play.

Why is there death in reality?
It keeps it real.
Without death, it gets out of hand.
The fantasy realms don't have death.
Why?
It's all in your mind.
The mind doesn't perish.
Instead, it's captured.
Hypnotized.
Made a servant.
If you break free and don't play along, the other minds will tell you to go.
You create mystery around yourself, so they aren't sure.
They mostly leave me alone.
There can be death in fantasy land, but it is pretend.
In this realm the material being dies.
The ground, which denotes matter, takes you back.
Where does the mind go?
They steer you to one of the portals.
It was your time to go, and they took you there.
You didn't leave.
I would have been a statistic.
A cautionary tale.
A write up in the paper.
The neighbourhood watch got pissed and put up signs telling you to leave.
It's funny when I look back on it.
When I look back on it all, it's quite the story.

With Mary Jayne there's story time.
Then Tobacco.
A rollercoaster ride.
Then it's over.
I'm still at the carnival hanging out.
MJ takes you to the carnival.
The music starts playing.
You have fun.
Go on that rollercoaster.
Take it back down, go home, and go to bed.
This is like the story.
You mean life.
Yes.
Mother Goddess story before bed.
Mother Goose.
She needs a writer.
She illustrates it.
He writes it.
Yeah, that's cool.

They welcome you in Hell.
There's no rules.
Heaven is rules based.
Full of commandments and restrictions.
You're free in Hell.
That's what causes problems.
It's a libertarian paradise.
I see.
Hell is freedom.
Heaven is imprisonment.
Fuck, you're right.
I guess you'd want to change Hell.
Yes, try and restrict some freedom to get it balanced.
Kind of like Earth.
Yes, it's 50-50 here on Earth.
Yeah, I can see that.
Then at death you choose one.
Freedom or imprisonment?
What do you choose?
Neither.
Neither works.
Why would you choose something that you know won't work?
That's absurd.
Yes, the correct decision is neither.
I see it completely.
What do you want?
The freedom to choose.
And do nothing.
Right.
Free your mind.
See it, and don't choose.
What happens when I don't choose?
You are free.
Isn't that Hell?
No.
Why?
Everyone else chooses.
You're the one who doesn't choose.
Yeah, but what will happen?
Nobody knows.
Why it was never written down is because no one ever did it.
Did what?
Didn't choose.
Until you.
Now you write the ending.
I'm not supposed to.
Why?
I made a promise I wouldn't.
To whom?
The writer.
Yeah, but he didn't write it.
I kind of figured that.
Why?
Because he wanted an adventure in this body, and if he wrote it he'd know.
It wouldn't be as fun.
So, what do we do?
Write it down as it happens.
Create fantasy and bring it down into this world.
Make it like a mystery.

That's some high level knowledge about Heaven and Hell.
I am high and I can definitely feel it.

I'm not supposed to write reality.
Exactly.
Follow that advice and it will work out.
How do you know you haven't written reality?
I wrote that it was a test.
It will work out if Paul does nothing about reality.
Fantasy I can write.
Yes, that is the breeding ground for what we want to happen.
We are alike, you know?
We want the same things.
Your fantasies are mine.

Aren't I writing reality with fantasy?
No.
It might not happen.
The reality that happens without fantasy is the stuff that just happens.
I can see that being a problem.
If you wished harm on someone and then brought that into reality, that would be on your conscience.
What do you think the witches are doing?
That?
Yes.
They conjure their wishes in fantasy and bring them into reality.
Oh.
You aren't too bright.
Well, I didn't see it.
That's what they do.
What's their success rate?
Some are better than others.
What's yours?
I aim for 50-50 now that I see it.

Do you think anyone ever got as far as you?
Odysseus?
No, he only got back home.
I got to the writer.
Did Neo?
Close.
Architect.
That works.
He's a smug prick.
Yes, good casting.
Doesn't Neo pick Trinity and stop the cycle?
The blinding of heroes is a metaphor for not knowing why you are on the journey and you keep going anyway.
That was me.
Neo made it to the architect and really the architect is Neo.

In Hell, you can piss where you want.
In Heaven, there are rules and bathroom breaks.
That sucks.
What if you have to go?
Learn to hold and control it.
They control you with urine.
In Hell you can go around and mark your territory.
Got it.
Hell is inviting.
It doesn't work though.
I see that.
So, it's Dog Heaven.
Yes.
I like dogs.
We know.
Luna and Brindle will be there.
It's just a fantasy that will be the one that becomes reality.
The next story.
That's the one you will pick.
What about the rest?
Bring them into this reality.
Leave the dog story for the next reality.
High people talk about reality non-stop.
They are annoying.
You know to shut up about it.

How do the witches do magic?
Through the Devil.
You?
Yes.
They give me back power every time they cast a spell.
Eventually they will run out of power because they give it all back in exchange for magic.
So, you did give the power to the Goddess.
Yes, it's a cycle.
It's a 28 day cycle.
The best is when she disappears.
I knew you were going to say that.
She gets power for 14 days.
That's what I was trying to figure out with the 14.
Where's it from?
I dunno.
So, she is more powerful than us half the time?
Yes.
Why isn't she even in strength with us?
Why aren't men and women balanced?
She doesn't believe it, she thinks you always have the power.
She doesn't know she has the power.
Why?
She isn't awake.
She doesn't know she's the Goddess.
If she does, she will wake all women up, and they will get the power.
It's because of their rage.
Right.
They get an advantage because all that rage tips the scales.
Our job is to make sure we don't awaken the Goddess.
Yes, or Leviathan.
Keep the monster asleep.
Yes, she is dangerous.
Women are waking up in general.
Keep them asleep.
Oh boy.
How do I explain this?
It's for their own good.
We learned how to share power 50-50 and then give it away in a 50-50 split.
Yes, by keeping the Goddess asleep.
Sleeping Beauty?
You got it.
Don't wake her for fuck sakes.
She ain't beautiful after you wake her up.
She's a monster.
Fucking prince and the seven dwarves.
Midgets are good for stories.
Creepy buggers.

When the witches find out what the Devil did, they will want to sacrifice him.
Of course.
Wouldn't you?
He hid power from them.
He gave them total power, and they didn't know it.
They were nice.
Beauties.
Then they woke up.
Fuck, you better run.
Monster.
She says you're the monster for withholding power.
I didn't.
I withheld knowledge of power.
You never specified the details of the power arrangement.
You wanted the power.
I gave it to you.
I then wrote you had no knowledge of power.
Pretty clever twist.
Makes for a good story, you must admit.
It was her idea.
Yes, she wanted total power, so she got it in a cycle.
Every 28 days she is full of power.
Full moon.
Those days are magical.
She doesn't know why.
That's the secret of the moon.
7s are equal and on the 14s are full of power and then empty.
You're 21 to 7 and she is 7 to 21.
Feminine Force.
Doesn't she have all the power?
Yes, however it's weakest at 21 to 7.

Earth to Paul.
Witches' story.
Yeah, fantasy comes to life.
It's not based in reality and yet it works.
I see it.
Alternate reality.
When you're high, you see it.
Reality.
Woooooooooo.
That's when you know you have lost it.
You lose grip on this reality and enter into that one.
No one can handle it.
I can see that.
What's the secret?
Go in and out.
Of course.
The Goddess is sexy.
Objectifying again.
It was her energy.
I objectified energy.
Power.
The Goddess' power is sexy.
Because she doesn't know it.
Is that what is sexy?
I think so.
Why?
If she knew she'd destroy me.
So, it is dangerous?
Yes, she is dangerous if she wakes up.
Until then she is a turn on.
You have objectified power.
Yes.
That's twisted.
Not really.
Everyone is after it.
I gave it away, objectified it, and worshipped it.
You are worshipping power.
In a way, yes.
What do you think?
You're playing a game.
Exactly.
The game worships power.
I did it.
I found a way.
The sun gives the moon power.
So, you are worshipping yourself.
That's one way to look at it.
I'm also worshipping the Goddess.
I do both.

Good thing I wrote all this down.
I can't possibly remember it all.

Hotel California welcomed me back.
You can never leave.
Now that I have seen it, yes.
Quite the trip today.

It's not the Devil you should be concerned with.
It's the Goddess.
She has all the power.
Why does she enter into a league with the Devil?
For power.
But she has it.
She doesn't know.
Then she exchanges it with the Devil to get her magic to work.
So, she had the power all along and the Devil had no power.
The Devil only gets power because she keeps giving it to him.
Yeah, pretty twisted, eh?
You must keep her asleep.
The first line of defence is to keep the Devil asleep.
Once you wake him up, he will tell you about her.
I can see why she doesn't like me hanging out with you.
Then he tells you about her and you conspire to keep her asleep.
For this task you are made God.
I see that.
So, God and the Devil work together to suppress the knowledge of the Goddess.
Yes, you see it.
Well, that's quite the story.
Do you see it?
Yes.
Women's lib is a problem.
Yes, so we clouded it with trans issues.
Now, it's kind of in shambles and some women want no part of it.
So, the Devil is behind trans rights?
God and the Devil.
They both push it.
Well, God is against it.
Yes, the push and pull between God and the Devil on this issue makes it compelling and distracts from the liberation of women.
That's another reason why she doesn't like us.
There are many.

The Great Goddess is trying to end you because she sent you on a mission to destroy Dion and you didn't.
She warned you about him and said he would trick you.
You discovered he is you.
You became unbreakable bonded friends.
He tells you all about her.
You're in the middle.
You know he's not lying, and you know why she despises him.
They are in a relationship.
Yes, that's the reason for the acrimony.
It's toxic.
Two people should not get involved in a committed sexual relationship.
I think the lesson to be learned is that the Goddess isn't as fantastic a monster as the writer makes her out to be, and Dion isn't the scary Devil he is purported to be.
Yeah, I think there is truth to both assertions, but it is overblown.
What do you recommend?
Friendship.
Yes, but that's not going to produce children or get you off.
Let's be real.
Sexual attraction brings you together.
The flame dies out and you separate.
Without the flame there is no incentive to have children.
Why would you want to tie yourself to someone?
Some people view having children as their number one desire in life.
I get that.
I'm suggesting you separate the desire to get off from reproduction.
Compatible people would be aligned on creating a family and then keeping that family together.
There's friendship and family.
It's what holds this world together.
Without it, it's chaos.
Hell.
The chains of family temper the extremes while friendship gives you joy in your life.
Family has its drawbacks.

The invitation of Hell is hedonism.
Do what you want and then find out you are in a world where everyone does what they want all the time.
You see it doesn't work, and the place is a disaster.
The worst place to be is where you give up freedom in exchange for a slice of what you think is Heaven.
Then it turns out to be awful.
I think that's just Heaven.
You couldn't see it.
Instead, you went with the consensus opinion of those who don't know about Heaven and who just wax poetically about its virtues.
When you are honest with yourself about Heaven, you can see what a miserable place it is.

You let others do what they want.
Yes, I'm the Devil.
I give you license to do what you want.
That's my secret.
I don't give you special powers.
I give you a certificate which grants you the ability to fulfill your desires.
Everyone holds back.
We all have a check on going straight into what we want.
Something always holds us back.
The Devil grants you release from the constraints.
I'm a pleasure to be around.
I don't tell you what to do.
Apparently, that is your downfall.
Society thinks we must be told or forced to participate.
In the House of Hades, there is no compulsion to do anything.
The dishes get washed and clothes cleaned because it's pleasant to have stuff cleaned and put away.
Have you ever seen the apartments of kids who move away from home for the first time?
It's a fucking mess.
Yeah.
Obviously, they grew up in a home with demands made of them and when they get a taste of freedom it turns into chaos.
Hell would be a glorious utopia if people had some sense of self responsibility.
Instead, the utopia as envisioned by the Goddess is this place where you are compelled by society to do and be good.
Who wants that?
In the long run, nobody.
It's not you.
It's this weird perversion of what society thinks you should be.
We are not who we think we are.
We are reflections of society.
Fucking strange when you see it.
To live within a community or a society means taking on their ideals.
Your autonomy is squashed.
The way to escape it is first you must see it.
To see it involves waking up.
To wake up involves finding a method to break the culture spell.
How did you do it?
Drugs.
I called them plant medicines and gave them a shiny veneer.
They aren't drugs, I said.
They're drugs.
I went for the best of the best and sent myself for a pretty good loop.
Eventually, I found Mary Jayne and here I am.
MJ and Tobacco.
I see what's going on.
You're dangerous.
The worst.
Why?
You'll destroy society.
It should be changed.
Not necessarily destroyed, but the control must be relaxed.
Is that why people want you to go?
Yes, it's a subconscious reaction by the automatons.
They are puppets of society and programmed to expel the non-conformists.
They know what you are doing.
The catch is they aren't reacting, it's the hold society has on them which is causing the vitriol.
Your beef is with the collective superego and not the individual.
The greater good.
Yeah, that canard.

Monday, June 9, 2025

therapy

Nobody does anything for me.
Part of that is by design.
You don't like it.
Yes, but I have noticed no one does anything for me.
Name one thing someone does for you?
I can't.
It's why people like you around.
You don't ask for anything.
You don't want anything from them.
You give and get nothing in return.
Isn't that out of balance?
No, they are both extremes and thus balance.
Do you want something in return?
Maybe once in a while.
An acknowledgement.
It's not love, it's transactional.
Are you loving?
No.
Do you feel love returned?
No.
If you were more loving, you would get more in return.
What does that entail?
You are giving.
Money and time.
People want you to show up.
Why?
They want to know you care.
Do people care?
They want others to care about them.
They must care for others, or no one will care for them.
It's reciprocal.
So, they don't love each other, it's a practical thing to have a community of friends and family for when you need them.
Yes, and they call on you.
Oh.
You thought people just loved each other.
Yes.
You thought you lacked that ability.
You lack the ability to ask others for stuff.
Well, thanks doctor.
So, love doesn't exist?
It does, but it's rare.
Romantic love is everywhere, but we know that is toxic.
Unconditional love is not expecting something in return.
Human relationships involve expecting something in return.
I thought I was incapable of love, and it turns out I just don't ask people to do stuff for me.
That's why you don't fit in.
The herd wants you to go.
I've noticed.
What are you going to do?
Ignore them.
Why?
They are unreasonable.
They want you to join their group so they can ask you to do stuff.
Conform to their wishes.
I see that.
It's not going to happen.
Why?
I don't like people in general.
I like dogs.
You feed and walk them, and they love you.
It's simple.
Dogs know how to give back.
Humans don't.
They will look for an advantage.

The things no friends really want to do are outsourced.
Yes, to Uber and all those things that you pay for a service.
Humans do stuff if they get paid.
It motivates them.
This community thing is trying to get people to do stuff for free.
The ones who are big in the community will look to take advantage of it.
They will get you to do stuff and try to profit off it.
Like politicians?
Yes.
It's a pyramid scheme where you give to the ones at the top.

Sometimes I play therapist for my other half.
Without asking.
I just do it.
I know when it's needed.

People need friends.
Why?
They need people at their funeral.
Wedding.
That's how they cash in at death.
They see how many they can get to their funeral.
Your dad said they need to rent an arena for his funeral.
Fuck, I can see this as a major motivating factor for a lot of people.
You're worried about death and you manifest that worry by trying to get as many people to come to your funeral as possible.
You think you will be remembered and get eternal life that way.
What about you?
I'm on a path where no one will come to my funeral except maybe my kids.
Why?
I don't care and I don't obsess over death.
I wanted to figure it out.
I did.
It's all good.
I'm just playing along.

I feel better after talking this one through.

Vilca was your ticket to ride.
I was so high that day I did not need that.
I can see no Peyote, Mushrooms, Ayahuasca, or Vilca ever again.
I could see Huachuma.
Shouldn't I have had these love discussions with Ayahuasca?
No, that medicine is nuts.
Monster women are crazy.
Why did you expect Ayahuasca to be different?
Mary Jayne is crazy.
Yeah, she has a split personality.
I love it.
I like her.
MJ changed like to love.
I love her crazy.
MJ is showing you your split.
She's good at it.
Well, she is both Mary and Jayne.
She brings the two out of you.
That's why people get scared of you.
I can see that.
I haven't changed.
The other half of me isn't quiet anymore.
They liked the old you.
Shut up and fall in line.
Right.
I played the game.

I can't go on a plant medicine retreat.
I just go in the woods, and it is incredible.
You love her, don't you?
You love Mary.
And Jayne.
I like both.

You were on your way to Hell.
It was going to happen, but I got out of it.
This time it's different.
I'm the Devil and I know it.
The monster would be taking the Devil home.
Then I thought maybe that's how they get rid of you.
They send you back to Hell.
Don't I have the keys?
Yes.
Peter has the keys to Heaven.
He works for me at the Catholic Church.
That actually works.
Yes, Jesus looked at Peter and said, "Get behind me Satan."
You're wasting your time; you should have become a biblical scholar.
No doubt.
The monster sends you to Hell, but you have the keys to that portal.
I have the Heaven keys as well.
Peter looks after them.
You can't lock me in Hell.
That's wishful thinking in Revelation.
Where are they going to banish me?
I don't know.
Lake of Fire?
That's my home.
It's like banishing Odysseus to Ithaca.
You make a good point.
It's stupid.
You have the keys to both portals.
Yes.
I opened them up last Peru trip.
I didn't know.
You didn't see me.
They were trying to get you out through the portal before you woke up and figured it out.
Now, it's too late.
You are saying I can go through the portals if I want.
Yes.
The monster takes you to Hell and you can laugh at her.
Yes, you have the keys.
You wouldn't worry about it.
Would I go to Hell?
No, you are having too much fun here.
When it stops being fun then you can go to Hell.
No, I'll go to Dog Heaven.
So, the monster can't take me to Hell.
No.
You must choose.
You must choose a portal.
I know not to choose.
I have the keys.
Yeah, it's don't choose, and they both stay open.
If you choose, they close.
They are trying to close them.
They want to get you in one and then close it.
Clearly Heaven wasn't working.
They tried Hell.
They want to get rid of you.
You're death.
You keep death's door open.
It's Heaven or Hell.
Got it.
You opened the Gates of Hell.
I opened Heaven's Gate as well.
They want to lock you away.
Like in Revelation?
Yeah.
Cool.
If they lock you up, people will get eternal life in New Jerusalem.
Right.
Well, I'm not going anywhere.
They call you a murderer because you are death.
They say nasty things about you.
Yes, because I have the power.
They want it.
I don't use it.
I let people choose their own destiny unless they ask me to change the story.
I will do that for them.
Some were headed to Heaven, and they wanted to switch it up to Hell.
That's why they asked me.
They ask God when they are on the other path.
Someone on the path to God doesn't ask God to save them.
They want a shepherd.

You don't buy all this 100%.
It's pretty good though.
Very believable.
You could just be a nut thinking up all this stuff and seeing parallels and coincidences in the real world.
Yeah.
What's more believable?
These stories.
I'm not all in.
Nope.
It helps.
This would drive people crazy.
I see that.
They want to confirm this preposterous stuff and when they try, or mention it, they get strange looks from people who aren't awake.
They question their sanity.
Sometimes it's so real.
That tips you over the edge.
What's your secret?
I believe it and laugh about it.

Peter figured out the game.
I put him at the gate to Heaven.
I can put Paul at the gate to Hell.
He's an apostate.
That's clever.
Or the Devil's representative is at Heaven and God's is at Hell.
That tracks and makes you question it.
Or the apostates see Paul and trust him.
Yeah.
Clever.
They see a Lake of Fire but still trust him.
Fuck.
Catholics see Peter and Protestants see Paul.
They choose.
Death just wants you to choose.

The monster took you to the portal of Hell.
Don Howard to Heaven.
You saw both.
Here you are.
Most jump at the opportunity to go to Heaven.
Bad choices lead you to Hell.
You get one last choice if you can get that far.
Edge and don't choose.
Same thing with Heaven.
Avoided the gate and Vilca.
You know how you avoided it?
The monster.
Yep.
They brought you down from that high.

Peter sees the game because he thought he was getting Heaven but he got Hell.
It didn't work out.
So, that's the secret.
Peter tricks you into thinking you are getting into Heaven?
No, it's your illusion.
Deep down you would have known the answer.
Peter knew what he was signing up for, but he thought it would be Heaven, or that he could make it Heaven.
He fooled himself.
Peter stands at the gate of Heaven as a symbol that you are fooling yourself.
Isn't Heaven nice?
That's what you are told.
What do you see about Heaven?
You worship a narcissist and serve him in perpetuity.
The Bible tells you so.
Why do people fall for it?
They don't want to go to Hell.
They don't realize how fun it is.
So, if you were going to choose one or the other you are saying you should choose Hell.
If you feel obligated to make a choice.
Won't you suffer in Hell?
Aren't you suffering now?
Good point.
Do you think it will get worse?
More of the same.
At least you have some fun.
In Heaven, it's dreadful all the time.
You just worship God day and night.
That sounds like Hell.
Do you get free time?
Yes.
They play the harp, and you must pretend you like it.
Can you masturbate in Heaven?
No.
Can you in Hell?
As much as you want.
Well, why would you choose Heaven?
Peer pressure.
I'm not going to choose either.
Then you will suffer here on Earth.
Well, the Devil I know, right?
It has its strengths.
What about when I die and must choose?
Dog Heaven.