ethics

Once you start the stories, you must let them flow.
A plug won't help.
It will make it worse.
Stories aren't the flow.
You shouldn't do anything to start them.
If they do get started through no fault of your own, let them play out.
You will know when it becomes your story.
It became your story when you saw it being planted in your head.
Your story is to see others' stories and then end them at that point.
You exit their story.
That's how you know this is part of your story and you win.
You take their story.
Is that ethical?
It's a game.
Are games ethical?
What do you think?
Well, I look around and see we talk about ethics.
Nobody seems to have them though.
We talk a good game and then play our game.
The game is to figure out that game.
Ethics are a smoke screen.
Misdirection.
Magic is what ethics are.
Is eating others to survive ethical?
It's practical, but morally repulsive.
Yeah, what gives you the right?
Might.
Exactly.
Is might ethical?
No.
How does the world operate?
Whoever is the strongest is in charge.
There's nothing ethical about this world.
Is this where I'm taught about meaning and purpose?
You are a smart boy.
Ethics are not required to play the game.
Ethics can be used to further your standing in the game.
Rare are ethics that are not violated.
Kind of like unconditional love.
Where do you find that?
Nowhere.
Where are you on the ethics scale?
Probably sitting 50-50.
I don't want to go full in on being the most moral person ever.
That would be catastrophic.
Yeah, you'd get the Jesus treatment.
They hang you on a cross and laugh at you.
Is that what you want?
I think I'm headed in the other direction.
They want to take me to the Devil's orgy.
When you think about it, it's their only hope.
They can't beat you, so they will sacrifice you.
But that's not me.
It's only half of me.
Wouldn't they have to sacrifice God as well?
When they figure out the game, they must do both to win.
How would they do that?
Turn him dark.
That spot is already occupied.
They would have to make the Devil light.
Isn't that what the witches do when they do the fire thing and dance around in a circle?
They make the Devil light?
That's what they are doing.
Then they sacrifice him.
At the same time, they make God dark.
How do they do that?
They are working on it.
They tried to turn you dark.
I already was.
Yeah, you confused and fooled them.
Well, this seems like a problem for them, not me.
Is this a game to you?
Yes.
I guess you're still winning.
You're on top.
I'm in the middle, not top or bottom.
You have learned your lessons well.

Your retirement is fully invested in Blackrock.
Is this why we discussed ethics?
Yeah, what do you think?
I ate a chicken thigh for lunch.
Pick your battles.
You give in order to give back.
You must give some away.
Do you do that?
Yeah, I help my family.
They spend my fortune.
How long do you want to work?
I have an idea, but I'm not going to choose.
I'll just go with the flow.
If I make it to 67 then I'll stop then for sure because it's the flow.
I'll just ride the current wave for now.
Retirement looks pretty good.
Yeah, you set them up nicely.
If you had seen a financial advisor, they would have advised you into semi-poverty.
Instead, I had you read investing books.
I guess I learned something.
You learned by definition a mutual fund is diverse.
Pick the best fund and roll with that.
Nothing is guaranteed, but it's a good bet.
The fund manager will move money around if there is trouble ahead.
It's the multi-national entities that know the game.
If the American game stops working, they'll pull the plug and move the money elsewhere.
That's the world game.
The money people control your fate.
You do what the money people want, and things keep humming along.
The outsider might fuck up the game.
Do you see how it works?
They don't like wildcards.
They want obedience.
What do you think is a good strategy?
I think you play both sides.
You take your wins and then complain about the winner.
That's how you slide on through.
Is that ethical?
Are paper straws going to save the planet?
No, greed will save the planet.
We will fuck it up so bad that we will have to come together to save the planet out of a greedy desire to spend our wealth.
Good strategy.

Quite the day, huh?
It's still going.
What do you think of this Mary Jayne?
She's the best.
What are you going to do with this knowledge?
Keep quiet about it.
If you keep taking MJ, you will fill up with knowledge.
That's what gives you anxiety.
I'm well aware.
I am disciplined and know my limits.
I know how to balance her lust and knowledge.
I know when to get drained.
I see the traps.
I see the other players in the game.
They don't have my level of knowledge.
They are playing smaller games.
They don't know about the seven.
They found one game and play that one.
They can't see the other stories.
When you are 70 years old will you and MJ still be together?
You won't tire of her or leave her?
Why would I?
She can be demanding.
What if I liked that?
What if I want her to be in charge?
I know how to play with her.
You do.
Is it work?
It's discipline.
Is there a difference?
Yes, discipline is smart, and work is drudgery.
If I must work to stay together with MJ, then that's not good.
If I let the relationship flow, that's best.
I will let her discipline me.
She knows she can get out of control so to stop that we have discipline sessions.
Have you sought help yet?

rear-view mirror crossroads

Do desires follow your energetic pattern through to the next adventure? Is that your karmic predicament? Is that what we have the chance to do in life: Attain self-mastery and control over the demons? The demons who are teachers.

There is a need to take an honest look at yourself. To see if you are in balance and are integrating what you have learned. This evaluation has to have no mercy. Do you have the requisite discipline? Why have you foregone the need to play? Why so serious? Ultimately, what is your intention? There’s no need to wait for ceremony to set an intention. Set an intention in consensus reality. 

I have tried to blame my shadow for all of my life's failings. These failings are my lack of self-mastery and getting caught up in and addicted to desires. Desires that take away my freedom and further bury me into cultural servitude. I know they can be bad for me so normally I can practice restraint while I have temporary mastery over myself. When I lose that control, I zone out into another consciousness that is focused upon a single-minded fulfilment of desire. I blame this other consciousness on my shadow but come to think of it he is just observing my actions. As Ram Dass would say, the observer is just peacefully sitting in non-judgment saying, "Eating pizza again." It’s the weakness of Apollo that is being witnessed and the subsequent all too human projection of blame on something external or a convenient scapegoat. The human race has never been good at accepting responsibility for its actions. The following reflection upon my actions leads to self-doubt and judgment of the self when I'm honest with the reality of the situation.

Desire lights me up, makes me feel good and high, and then comes the low. The teacher within tells me you cannot transcend desire. Desire comes, you choose whether to fulfill it or not, and you move on. It will come again in due time or you will invite it back. The invitation is the addiction, especially if you know it's not good for you.

Ultimately, are we felled by our own desires as a check upon what we create? Is it a failsafe activated when our construct starts to oppress? The way out of life is to chase desires which will destroy all.

You are always being tested. Little ones here and there you flunk and learn from. We all have that big one, undoubtedly related to one of the seven deadly sins. It’s that mind spell that keeps fucking us up and you need something to help snap out of it. Psychedelics can help. Ultimately, it’s not the drug but what it reveals within. Psychedelics are not the only route but to quantify what can help you get out of the trap is impossible. It’s random happenstance and in the end, you can just pray for help and hope it comes. Christians call it grace.

Are you ready? Look within and make the commitment if you are. No more weakness or vacillating between forging steel and chasing desires. If it’s time then grab the ring and let’s get to it. If you aren’t ready and self-discipline is still a problem, continue flopping like a fish out of water. I have the keys to self-mastery and I know what it takes. Everything becomes a choice as opposed to an addiction. I was at the crossroads. The path was open and I either took it or it would fall by the wayside, hoping maybe someday it will present another opportunity for me to take that road. Yeah, I know, time’s running out. In other words, I have to do it now because it’s now or never. I don't want to lead a desperate life of non-fulfillment. I stayed on this difficult path when I could have run because I didn’t want to wake up an old man full of regrets. I feel the same way now. I have to do this and it has to happen now. I took up the challenge.

I do know my shadow is never going to give up on me even if he has to kill me. That’s the rub; I want to do it in this lifetime. I’ve come this far and I don’t want to have to take on another incarnation and once again struggle to reach this point. What are the odds? Onward ho!

spiritual achiever

My exterior is calm and collected. I'm in control and things seem to always sum even steven. My inner world is one of extreme polarity that vascillates between going all in and being ultra locked down. Self-discipline is not a problem for me if I'm on the path of purification. I learned long ago how to use and control the mind to accomplish those goals. Conversely, when the kids are let out of the cage to play it's hard to get them back in, just like thing one and thing two from Dr. Seuss' Cat in the Hat. They are adventurous, playful, lustful, and bent on self-destruction by living in the moment and not caring for consequences. The future me has to clean up, usually the next morning and then suffer from the lack of sleep from the outpouring of frivolity and lust.

I think it is instructive as a template for life and the spiritual path. We humans tend to go all in on the spiritual path, so much so it sometimes becomes off putting for others to tolerate. Ego gets involved and we embrace the identity of one who is enlightened and will elucidate pearls of wisdom. We assume the pose and start stinking of righteousness or is that incense? There has to be balance. Be spiritual but be a rascal, play, and drop the serious pretence. I've been reminded many times to play while on this path.

The collective consciousness of humankind goes through these same struggles as well and we always manifest the extremes in all of our endeavours. We explore all the way to the edge. Eventually being holy and pure leads to righteousness and then forcing others at the point of a sword to become righteous like yourself. The infidel is not to be tolerated or shown mercy. Going full on into hedonism leads to deviance and is a path to darkness as we can't escape the universal truth that with the high comes the low. Maybe that's why we anthropomorphize these traits as god and devil?

Ram Dass addresses the goal of total purification in spiritual pursuits. He exclaims celibacy, instead of making you pure, just leads to being a horny celibate. Pretty funny and full of truth. This idea can be extended out into pretty much all aspects of our existence and ties in with my point about these extreme polarities that seem to plague us. It goes back to being told while on the spiritual path to remember to play. Seriously you must play! I think the Buddha was getting at something when he talked about the middle way! The pre-Columbian master shamans of the Andes mountains knew about this need for balance and called it tinkuy. They designed their whole construct and Mesa around reconciliation of the opposites and extended it out to the woman and the man in order to bring them together within unity. Unity recognizes differences and harmonizes them. We appreciate all for their differences as that what makes the game interesting.

review

You don’t know what you got until it’s gone or something like that. You don’t appreciate what you have until you have to go without it. We take a lot of things for granted, chief among them health. I haven’t had as bad a flu as what I just recovered from in over a decade. Suffering through the body aches, chills, and fever for four plus days and then the aftermath of low energy and fatigue left me with the sentiment that yes health is everything. All that I like to do was put on hold for a week while I fought and then tried to recover from this malady. In such a short time I was able to witness a low level of depression sink in over the futility of my situation. The fifth night of the body aches and chills left me curled up in the fetal position wondering if I’d ever shake this thing. Getting past that hurdle galvanized me into going for a walk in the woods only to have to prop myself up against a tree to avoid collapsing from exhaustion. The lessons learned are plentiful and obvious, so obvious that it is crazy we don’t think about them until we are faced with the loss of what we take for granted. It’s like my body having a pre-emptive discussion with me, preparing for old age when I can’t take health for granted anymore, “Hey dumb ass! While you are in relatively good health and shape it’s time to take advantage of it and get to fulfilling all your intentions for this life while the going is still good.” I don’t want to get this flu again and I don’t wish it upon anyone else but there did come a pretty good lesson out of it.

Not being at full health really emphasizes the self in that it all starts from the fundamental wholeness of what we call self before we can heal others. The ‘others’ are an extension of self as we are all in this together. It really underscores the concept that in order to heal the world, first start with yourself.

Another calendar year is coming to a close and with it the decade. It’s a cultural marker, the significance of it is highly questionable and dubious, but anyways it provides an opportunity to look back and examine where you are in terms of where you once were in your life and see if that is a positive or a negative. The one thing for sure is we are all older and closer to the grave! I view that as a positive as I have found the more I age and slow down the easier it is to see through the world and into the game and thus have understanding. I am a knowledge junkie and with age comes rewards. The biggest takeaways from this past year have been intention, beliefs, dreams, and self-discipline. I learned that when you connect with the divine and obfuscated parts of self, set an intention, and are sincere about making a reciprocal offering then things will start happening for you. It may be part of a long game and you may have to reach back and gather in some much needed self-discipline but you’ll be walking that path and it’s going to happen for you. I also learned the role of beliefs in the fundamental way we see things and how it shapes our worldview. The truth is slippery and it is beliefs that ultimately create the world we live in and how we want it to be. Ultimately there is suffering in the world because we want there to be suffering. Our work driven society views life as hard and you have to work for your rewards and stresses if you are in an unfortunate situation that’s your fault. It’s clear we created the mess and we can collectively get us out of the quagmire if the will is present. Such responsibility is ours to use and steward wisely, instead of for personal gain at the expense of others. Reciprocity teaches many lessons, chief among them that not giving back causes the divide, the haves and the have nots, and all the strife in the world. It’s pretty simple this reciprocity challenge and as a whole we seem to have developed quite the ability to look the other way, maybe throw the downtrodden in society a bone once in a while but that’s it. I mean we who live comfortable lives work hard for it and damn it I’m going to enjoy the fruits of my toil. To change the world change yourself and envision how you want the world to be. If there is enough of a change in consciousness then we will reach a tipping point. Lastly this was a huge year for understanding dreams. I shed the notion that they are fanciful and nonsensical and saw them for what they are. I’m reflecting my psyche into a world of my own making, using this world to self reflect and to try and come to terms with all that. Because I tend to examine everything, this led down the rabbit hole to the realization that the world we are in now is the product of a dreamer and we are aspects of their psyche. Our world at its core is mental energy. There are a myriad of ways you can try to convince me this is not true and they will all have merit. That’s not how I see it though. To me it is crystal clear!

How about this past decade? Ten years ago I had returned from a trip to Egypt and I was ensconced in learning everything I could about that culture. I was about two years into my obsessive search for the origin of beliefs and I cast a wide net. It would be about another three years until I found traditional plant based shamanism and that opened the floodgates that defined the rest of the decade and gave me all the answers I was determined and had full intention to discover. I was resolute in my searching and this led me to shamanism almost as if the universe was saying okay you’re pretty sincere about this, here you go, walk this path and it will all be revealed. My foray into shamanism gave me the answer to my original question and that plunged me head long into the mystery of self and who I ultimately was. This blog space is a testament to that voyage and the discoveries made along the way. It is by no means over and this decade to come promises as much discovery as I have gained so far. Really big things are just around the corner. Bring it on!