lunar power

I have 7 and a half years left until retirement.

Yeah, that's the plan.

What do we know about plans?

They don't work out.

You have witches trying to kill you.

True.

Do you think they will succeed?

No.

Why?

I'm onto them, plus I know the game.

I like it and want to play.

Why is there death in reality?

It keeps it real.

Without death, it gets out of hand.

The fantasy realms don't have death.

Why?

It's all in your mind.

The mind doesn't perish.

Instead, it's captured.

Hypnotized.

Made a servant.

If you break free and don't play along, the other minds will tell you to go.

You create mystery around yourself, so they aren't sure.

They mostly leave me alone.

There can be death in fantasy land, but it is pretend.

In this realm the material being dies.

The ground, which denotes matter, takes you back.

Where does the mind go?

They steer you to one of the portals.

It was your time to go, and they took you there.

You didn't leave.

I would have been a statistic.

A cautionary tale.

A write up in the paper.

The neighbourhood watch got pissed and put up signs telling you to leave.

It's funny when I look back on it.

When I look back on it all, it's quite the story.

With Mary Jayne there's story time.

Then Tobacco.

A rollercoaster ride.

Then it's over.

I'm still at the carnival hanging out.

MJ takes you to the carnival.

The music starts playing.

You have fun.

Go on that rollercoaster.

Take it back down, go home, and go to bed.

This is like the story.

You mean life.

Yes.

Mother Goddess story before bed.

Mother Goose.

She needs a writer.

She illustrates it.

He writes it.

Yeah, that's cool.

They welcome you in Hell.

There's no rules.

Heaven is rules based.

Full of commandments and restrictions.

You're free in Hell.

That's what causes problems.

It's a libertarian paradise.

I see.

Hell is freedom.

Heaven is imprisonment.

Fuck, you're right.

I guess you'd want to change Hell.

Yes, try and restrict some freedom to get it balanced.

Kind of like Earth.

Yes, it's 50-50 here on Earth.

Yeah, I can see that.

Then at death you choose one.

Freedom or imprisonment?

What do you choose?

Neither.

Neither works.

Why would you choose something that you know won't work?

That's absurd.

Yes, the correct decision is neither.

I see it completely.

What do you want?

The freedom to choose.

And do nothing.

Right.

Free your mind.

See it, and don't choose.

What happens when I don't choose?

You are free.

Isn't that Hell?

No.

Why?

Everyone else chooses.

You're the one who doesn't choose.

Yeah, but what will happen?

Nobody knows.

Why it was never written down is because no one ever did it.

Did what?

Didn't choose.

Until you.

Now you write the ending.

I'm not supposed to.

Why?

I made a promise I wouldn't.

To whom?

The writer.

Yeah, but he didn't write it.

I kind of figured that.

Why?

Because he wanted an adventure in this body, and if he wrote it he'd know.

It wouldn't be as fun.

So, what do we do?

Write it down as it happens.

Create fantasy and bring it down into this world.

Make it like a mystery.

That's some high level knowledge about Heaven and Hell.

I am high and I can definitely feel it.

I'm not supposed to write reality.

Exactly.

Follow that advice and it will work out.

How do you know you haven't written reality?

I wrote that it was a test.

It will work out if Paul does nothing about reality.

Fantasy I can write.

Yes, that is the breeding ground for what we want to happen.

We are alike, you know?

We want the same things.

Your fantasies are mine.

Aren't I writing reality with fantasy?

No.

It might not happen.

The reality that happens without fantasy is the stuff that just happens.

I can see that being a problem.

If you wished harm on someone and then brought that into reality, that would be on your conscience.

What do you think the witches are doing?

That?

Yes.

They conjure their wishes in fantasy and bring them into reality.

Oh.

You aren't too bright.

Well, I didn't see it.

That's what they do.

What's their success rate?

Some are better than others.

What's yours?

I aim for 50-50 now that I see it.

Do you think anyone ever got as far as you?

Odysseus?

No, he only got back home.

I got to the writer.

Did Neo?

Close.

Architect.

That works.

He's a smug prick.

Yes, good casting.

Doesn't Neo pick Trinity and stop the cycle?

The blinding of heroes is a metaphor for not knowing why you are on the journey and you keep going anyway.

That was me.

Neo made it to the architect and really the architect is Neo.

In Hell, you can piss where you want.

In Heaven, there are rules and bathroom breaks.

That sucks.

What if you have to go?

Learn to hold and control it.

They control you with urine.

In Hell you can go around and mark your territory.

Got it.

Hell is inviting.

It doesn't work though.

I see that.

So, it's Dog Heaven.

Yes.

I like dogs.

We know.

Luna and Brindle will be there.

It's just a fantasy that will be the one that becomes reality.

The next story.

That's the one you will pick.

What about the rest?

Bring them into this reality.

Leave the dog story for the next reality.

High people talk about reality non-stop.

They are annoying.

You know to shut up about it.

How do the witches do magic?

Through the Devil.

You?

Yes.

They give me back power every time they cast a spell.

Eventually they will run out of power because they give it all back in exchange for magic.

So, you did give the power to the Goddess.

Yes, it's a cycle.

It's a 28 day cycle.

The best is when she disappears.

I knew you were going to say that.

She gets power for 14 days.

That's what I was trying to figure out with the 14.

Where's it from?

I dunno.

So, she is more powerful than us half the time?

Yes.

Why isn't she even in strength with us?

Why aren't men and women balanced?

She doesn't believe it, she thinks you always have the power.

She doesn't know she has the power.

Why?

She isn't awake.

She doesn't know she's the Goddess.

If she does, she will wake all women up, and they will get the power.

It's because of their rage.

Right.

They get an advantage because all that rage tips the scales.

Our job is to make sure we don't awaken the Goddess.

Yes, or Leviathan.

Keep the monster asleep.

Yes, she is dangerous.

Women are waking up in general.

Keep them asleep.

Oh boy.

How do I explain this?

It's for their own good.

We learned how to share power 50-50 and then give it away in a 50-50 split.

Yes, by keeping the Goddess asleep.

Sleeping Beauty?

You got it.

Don't wake her for fuck sakes.

She ain't beautiful after you wake her up.

She's a monster.

Fucking prince and the seven dwarves.

Midgets are good for stories.

Creepy buggers.

When the witches find out what the Devil did, they will want to sacrifice him.

Of course.

Wouldn't you?

He hid power from them.

He gave them total power, and they didn't know it.

They were nice.

Beauties.

Then they woke up.

Fuck, you better run.

Monster.

She says you're the monster for withholding power.

I didn't.

I withheld knowledge of power.

You never specified the details of the power arrangement.

You wanted the power.

I gave it to you.

I then wrote you had no knowledge of power.

Pretty clever twist.

Makes for a good story, you must admit.

It was her idea.

Yes, she wanted total power, so she got it in a cycle.

Every 28 days she is full of power.

Full moon.

Those days are magical.

She doesn't know why.

That's the secret of the moon.

7s are equal and on the 14s are full of power and then empty.

You're 21 to 7 and she is 7 to 21.

Feminine Force.

Doesn't she have all the power?

Yes, however it's weakest at 21 to 7.

Earth to Paul.

Witches' story.

Yeah, fantasy comes to life.

It's not based in reality and yet it works.

I see it.

Alternate reality.

When you're high, you see it.

Reality.

Woooooooooo.

That's when you know you have lost it.

You lose grip on this reality and enter into that one.

No one can handle it.

I can see that.

What's the secret?

Go in and out.

Of course.

The Goddess is sexy.

Objectifying again.

It was her energy.

I objectified energy.

Power.

The Goddess' power is sexy.

Because she doesn't know it.

Is that what is sexy?

I think so.

Why?

If she knew she'd destroy me.

So, it is dangerous?

Yes, she is dangerous if she wakes up.

Until then she is a turn on.

You have objectified power.

Yes.

That's twisted.

Not really.

Everyone is after it.

I gave it away, objectified it, and worshipped it.

You are worshipping power.

In a way, yes.

What do you think?

You're playing a game.

Exactly.

The game worships power.

I did it.

I found a way.

The sun gives the moon power.

So, you are worshipping yourself.

That's one way to look at it.

I'm also worshipping the Goddess.

I do both.

Good thing I wrote all this down.

I can't possibly remember it all.

Hotel California welcomed me back.

You can never leave.

Now that I have seen it, yes.

Quite the trip today.

It's not the Devil you should be concerned with.

It's the Goddess.

She has all the power.

Why does she enter into a league with the Devil?

For power.

But she has it.

She doesn't know.

Then she exchanges it with the Devil to get her magic to work.

So, she had the power all along and the Devil had no power.

The Devil only gets power because she keeps giving it to him.

Yeah, pretty twisted, eh?

You must keep her asleep.

The first line of defence is to keep the Devil asleep.

Once you wake him up, he will tell you about her.

I can see why she doesn't like me hanging out with you.

Then he tells you about her and you conspire to keep her asleep.

For this task you are made God.

I see that.

So, God and the Devil work together to suppress the knowledge of the Goddess.

Yes, you see it.

Well, that's quite the story.

Do you see it?

Yes.

Women's lib is a problem.

Yes, so we clouded it with trans issues.

Now, it's kind of in shambles and some women want no part of it.

So, the Devil is behind trans rights?

God and the Devil.

They both push it.

Well, God is against it.

Yes, the push and pull between God and the Devil on this issue makes it compelling and distracts from the liberation of women.

That's another reason why she doesn't like us.

There are many.

The Great Goddess is trying to end you because she sent you on a mission to destroy Dion and you didn't.
She warned you about him and said he would trick you.
You discovered he is you.
You became unbreakable bonded friends.
He tells you all about her.
You're in the middle.
You know he's not lying, and you know why she despises him.
They are in a relationship.
Yes, that's the reason for the acrimony.
It's toxic.
Two people should not get involved in a committed sexual relationship.
I think the lesson to be learned is that the Goddess isn't as fantastic a monster as the writer makes her out to be, and Dion isn't the scary Devil he is purported to be.
Yeah, I think there is truth to both assertions, but it is overblown.
What do you recommend?
Friendship.
Yes, but that's not going to produce children or get you off.
Let's be real.
Sexual attraction brings you together.
The flame dies out and you separate.
Without the flame there is no incentive to have children.
Why would you want to tie yourself to someone?
Some people view having children as their number one desire in life.
I get that.
I'm suggesting you separate the desire to get off from reproduction.
Compatible people would be aligned on creating a family and then keeping that family together.
There's friendship and family.
It's what holds this world together.
Without it, it's chaos.
Hell.
The chains of family temper the extremes while friendship gives you joy in your life.
Family has its drawbacks.

The invitation of Hell is hedonism.
Do what you want and then find out you are in a world where everyone does what they want all the time.
You see it doesn't work, and the place is a disaster.
The worst place to be is where you give up freedom in exchange for a slice of what you think is Heaven.
Then it turns out to be awful.
I think that's just Heaven.
You couldn't see it.
Instead, you went with the consensus opinion of those who don't know about Heaven and who just wax poetically about its virtues.
When you are honest with yourself about Heaven, you can see what a miserable place it is.

You let others do what they want.
Yes, I'm the Devil.
I give you license to do what you want.
That's my secret.
I don't give you special powers.
I give you a certificate which grants you the ability to fulfill your desires.
Everyone holds back.
We all have a check on going straight into what we want.
Something always holds us back.
The Devil grants you release from the constraints.
I'm a pleasure to be around.
I don't tell you what to do.
Apparently, that is your downfall.
Society thinks we must be told or forced to participate.
In the House of Hades, there is no compulsion to do anything.
The dishes get washed and clothes cleaned because it's pleasant to have stuff cleaned and put away.
Have you ever seen the apartments of kids who move away from home for the first time?
It's a fucking mess.
Yeah.
Obviously, they grew up in a home with demands made of them and when they get a taste of freedom it turns into chaos.
Hell would be a glorious utopia if people had some sense of self responsibility.
Instead, the utopia as envisioned by the Goddess is this place where you are compelled by society to do and be good.
Who wants that?
In the long run, nobody.
It's not you.
It's this weird perversion of what society thinks you should be.
We are not who we think we are.
We are reflections of society.
Fucking strange when you see it.
To live within a community or a society means taking on their ideals.
Your autonomy is squashed.
The way to escape it is first you must see it.
To see it involves waking up.
To wake up involves finding a method to break the culture spell.
How did you do it?
Drugs.
I called them plant medicines and gave them a shiny veneer.
They aren't drugs, I said.
They're drugs.
I went for the best of the best and sent myself for a pretty good loop.
Eventually, I found Mary Jayne and here I am.
MJ and Tobacco.
I see what's going on.
You're dangerous.
The worst.
Why?
You'll destroy society.
It should be changed.
Not necessarily destroyed, but the control must be relaxed.
Is that why people want you to go?
Yes, it's a subconscious reaction by the automatons.
They are puppets of society and programmed to expel the non-conformists.
They know what you are doing.
The catch is they aren't reacting, it's the hold society has on them which is causing the vitriol.
Your beef is with the collective superego and not the individual.
The greater good.
Yeah, that canard.

ramblings

It's fascinating that this is all a dream.

Story.

That definition helps with comprehension.

It is an illusion.

So is a story.

Drama, play, or game.

All acts. 

Different ways to play.

Remember to play. 

You can treat life as a drama or a game.

Get it?

Yes.

What about when I'm awake?

You're the writer and taking in ideas.

You'd write that you still must subconsciously write in your story.

This spills out into consciousness.

I'm full of words and write down the spillage.

Word ejaculation.

Everything is derivative of a sexual metaphor.

Seems that way.

What if cannabis wasn't legal?

I'd have to find another method of awakening.

What other methods?

Plant medicine ceremonies.

The problem is it's a cycle of work once a year with those plant medicines. 

Mary Jayne is a daily dose.

It's a maintenance dose.

2.5 mg is.

That's what micro dosing is.

They want into the headspace without the crazy side effects.

I think there's an ego dissolution threshold which micro dosing won't get to.

They mistakenly think this will get them to where they want to go.

Some do it for advantage or creativity.

They want to tap into it.

The continued use of ego dissolving medicine will make you crazy.

It's by design of the medicine.

It's one of the tests to see if you can handle ego dissolution.

If you can't handle it, it's death, and you go.

That's a step too far into the abyss.

By abyss you can substitute labyrinth.

Going crazy is the key to changing your story.

You get to a point in the game where you need to change your story because you fucked up.

Right, so you go crazy and change it.

I thought you weren't supposed to change your story?

Technically, you didn't.

You did nothing, which is crazy, and so your story changed.

Yes.

You trust in doing nothing.

I changed my story with psychedelics.

Yes, by doing nothing.

You were offered it all, and you did nothing.

They are tests and by doing nothing, the teachers become allies.

How did psychedelics change my story?

They set you on the path to God which brought you here. 

They woke you up.

A knock on the head.

A calling.

It's an alarm.

The bells go off and finally you answer the call or shut off the alarm.

Some do and go back to sleep.

Or, they set up multiple alarms.

Mine goes off and I get up.

Especially with the dogs.

I was good at that.

You wake up and change your story.

Then you go back to sleep.

You ignored the calls, didn't do anything, and then waited until now to wake up.

I did it naturally.

Not rushed. 

So, another key is to wake up naturally.

Do you think you did that?

Yeah, it's taken a while.

It seems like a proper passage of time.

You could have woken up 11 years ago, but you took your time.

Waking up on your own time without an alarm is the flow.

You're awake, that's why no more big plant medicine ceremonies for you. 

Do you wake up twice?

If you are awake, can you wake up?

It would be another reality.

Why the resistance to changing habits?

Habits are in balance.

Go to bed and wake up at the same time.

Eat regularly.

All this routine puts you back to sleep.

Being awake is crazy then.

Sort of.

You must create an imbalance to awaken, however too much and you go crazy.

By creating a container which allows you to awaken daily, you have figured out the key to your desire to win the game and simultaneously keep it going.

What is the cause of misogyny?

What can trigger it?

Women who accuse men of harbouring this condition are looking for confirmation.

I think I was correct in asserting they have a resentment of men.

It's because men are in control of the world and women want this power.

This leads to their behaviour.

The accusations of misogyny sometimes come from a vacuum.

There needs to be more balance in how women are perceived.

I was naive most of my life and though I ran into women with questionable behaviour towards not only men but other women, I still pedestalize them.

I thought men were the problem for the most part.

I think there is equal blame.

It took me a long time to recognize women are a cause of misogyny.

Their behaviour could make you a misogynist.

It's destructive and nonsensical.

I was able to accept half the blame and carry on.

Things happen before I realize it.

That is the key to not writing the story but knowing about it.

You recognize the story after it happens.

Of course you do, you wrote it.

If you could write what is to happen then you'd know beforehand.

You'd be a fortune teller.

So, that's what they have?

They recognize the story before it happens.

You recognize it after it happens.

They can't change it.

You know the story because you're the writer.

Your other half knows the story.

I can't tell you.

I'm sworn to secrecy.

You can recognize it after it happens.

All you can do is guess based on what you'd write.

First, I'd write that I live to the ripe old age of 96 and make women the ones who give me the strength to go on living because they are always trying to kill me.

I must keep on my toes.

Finally, they got me at 96.

I'd had enough of that game by 96.

The audience loves that story.

It's possible then.

I was thinking about the witch sacrifice story where I'm still relatively young.

Like 69.

I twist that story at the end.

Are those the two most likely stories?

I think so.

I could also write women out of my story.

Do you think you'll do that?

Probably not.

Really there are three choices.

Well, I won't choose because I can't.

I'll just see which one it is leaning towards.

If I had to guess I'd say the witches' story.

It's preposterous and twisted.

Plus, the witch on the hill clue the other day.

What if that was a witch planting that idea in your head?

Then it was.

Witches have all the ideas.

I found out the reason.

Good call.

It's just a guess but I think it will be the witch story.

That one resonates the most.

The old age one is good though.

What about the dog story?

There are 7 stories - the witch is one and the dog is one.

Old age isn't one?

No, different timelines.

You need stories which fit the 69 timeline.

You're an idiot.

There's a sexual metaphor.

What is it?

You are licking her big dirty cunt at the same time she is blowing you.

Thank you for the explanation.

Do you know the 7 stories?

I have the themes.

I can make out the stories and where they fit into the 7 stories.

They must have a 7 basis.

The ritual ceremony today I was close to getting it correct.

I took a step that was in the wrong direction.

I went around.

Got called out.

I think when I finish the ritual every story will be true.

Or false.

What would you write?

Odds are 50-50.

Yes, that's it.

I see.

Half the stories are true.

What if there were three?

Stories must be an even number, or they aren't balanced.

They are in an odd container.

Yes, 7 stories and inside the container everything is balanced.

That's how you balance the 7.

The odd.

You balance it with a world of 7 where everything is strangely and evenly balanced.

That's odd.

Exactly.

In this world everything will balance when you let it be.

Everything must balance.

You know how annoying it is when your table legs are not balanced?

Yes.

That was my inspiration for a lot of this book, and I made it so everything has to balance.

It was a cheap table at a pizza place which inspired a lot of this story.

Here's a question: do you think women are malicious or this is just what they do?

They're crazy because this is their normal behaviour. 

It's right in your face.

This is who they are.

All marriages are doomed.

If you recognize them for who they are it will make more sense.

If you deny what a woman is then you will never understand them.

Men project a false illusion of women.

Our ignorance causes distortion in women.

When left to their own devices they revert to who they are.

They are monsters.

You are a terrible writer.

It all works though.

These monsters hide, however women see them.

I'm the hunchback laughing at this story.

That's the monster story.

You wrote all women are monsters in disguise.

That's what the makeup is for.

I bet Leviathan was a woman like Tiamat.

Yes, so Yahweh slayed Leviathan, and he became God who was worshipped for slaying the beast.

The Levi priests keep Leviathan asleep so God can reign.

That is the myth.

Eventually, the Leviathan wakes up and battles God.

Religious story here.

Story fits in the witches' realm as well.

Yes, Leviathan is a witch like the dragoness at Delphi who Apollo had to slay.

Is Apollo God then?

Sort of.

The basis of these religions was a god such as Marduk who subdues the monster to symbolize that women are monsters.

That's the deep religious understanding behind those religions.

Women are monsters.

I'm not saying this is the case; I'm interpreting myths.

They paint their faces to trick us.

We fall for it.

This story gets too stupid when I make women come from aliens who tried to emulate men but failed to get the cock correct so they don't have one.

There's no substitute for a penis.

You recognize a monster because they don't have a dick.

Well, that's true.

A shemale is a man trying to cosplay a monster.

I think the term now is transexual.

The alien story is a little much.

Women are needed to keep the game going.

You need more heroes and monsters to play.

How about we call them cunts?

Okay, you cock.

Why are we fighting?

You wrote women are monsters.

Not literally.

In some stories it's literal.

I do see the connection to their behaviour.

How does God beat the monster?

He marries her.

Give her a ring and a promise.

Men always break the promises, so that turns them into a monster. 

That or kids.

Kids will turn a woman into a monster.

A big hippopotamus.

Like Tauret?

Yes.

Thus, the marriage will fall apart.

Kids or broken promises make her a monster.

Then comes the divorce.

If you don't want them to be monsters, be faithful, and don't get them pregnant.

A woman's chief goal in life is to become a monster.

Career women look for a new way to bring out the monster.

You go crazy when you believe the stories.

You go half and half in believability of the stories to survive the pressure on your mind.

You drink half and half cream to survive because it reminds you of the split.

Why is it called half and half?

I don't know.

Apparently, it's half milk and half heavy cream.

Heavy cream is 35% and half and half is 10%.

In this world 10 is half of 35.

Correct.

What does that mean?

You are being fooled.

That's the simplest answer though there must be some hidden mystery behind it.

Profits?

So, about 31% of the stories are true?

Or, the opposite.

69?

Right.

Your math is off.

It's about 28.5%.

That's like the moon cycle.

Yes, so you know these stories come from the Goddess.

Yes, I know that.

I write them.

The lunar cycle takes 29.5 days to complete.

It takes the moon 27.3 days to orbit the earth.

So, she's off?

Yes, a little off for sure.

How about this information:

A solar year is 365 days and a lunar year is 354 days long. After every 33 years, they align. 

That 33 year marker to align cycles.

Just like the story I wrote at Chavín de Huantar tripping on Huachuma.

Half and half cream to get this knowledge reveal.

Women want your resources, so they cast a spell on you.
They use sex and cooking a lot.
You are satisfied and give them what they want.
I cook for myself.
Power move.
What about the death spell?
They try to bring you to the height of pleasure and then drop you over the cliff.

They want to get you lost in your own mind.
Who?
Your opponents.
Everyone else in the game.
Collectively, they are smarter.
It's you against the world.
Keep everyone separated and you win.
If humanity comes together, they will win.
So, I'm responsible for separation.
We all are.
We all want to win the game.
You won the game and kept it going.
You are awake and see the game and somehow you let them continue to play.
Yes, so I can play too.
Remember to play.
It's a major theme in my story.
I'd have to be stone dumb to not see that.

The twist at year 69 is the witch awakens just as the sacrifice is to take place.

That is what you would write.

She sees it is just a story and takes control of the story.

What will she do with that power?

Tune in to find out.

She finally gets the power and realizes she must keep you around as the writer.

She tells you what to do.

It becomes her story as long as she can keep you alive.

Instead of trying to kill you, she has to do the opposite.

She frantically tries to keep you alive with every trick she knows.

Just like her death spell, eventually you break free of her alive spell.

Shouldn't she have cast that spell first if she wanted me gone?

Yes, that was her mistake.

You'd resist the alive spell by going.

So, women who make you feel alive are dangerous?

Yes, they are either going to get you under their spell because they are what keeps you alive or they will see your demise as you fight their spell.

That's more clever.

So, what happened?

She tried to crush you, and you are alive because you broke the spell.

She will cast an alive spell to keep you alive now because she is selfish.

Yes, she is a selfish monster.

Selfishness will be revealed in all women if you take the story to its logical conclusion.

You really are a piece of shit.

A polished turd.

be the moon

The striving of individuals in the game of life is one big attempt at being the king of the castle (and you're the dirty rascal). We take the games we play as children and adult size them.

Being able to think enables me to never be at a loss for ideas that I can sit with and then expand upon. So I was thinking about the moon and how it reflects the light of the sun and becomes a light in the darkness. It is so profound. The full strength of the light of the sun, if you look at it for any length of time, will blind you as it is a bright spotlight. There is a humbleness to the moon. There are people like the sun that carry this aura about them that is a very powerful presence. The easiest way to explain it is to look at famous people and see how we get star struck in the presence of their greatness. They have reached the top of the mountain and are going to try and stay there as long as possible. They have to fend off the attacks from all the bottom feeders wanting to knock them off the mountain. A good example of this phenomenon is the online troll trying to tear others down. The online troll is on a quest for self-enlightenment on the right hand path that leads to the glorification of self. The psychology behind them is they are trying to get up the mountain and get one up on everyone. However they have realized they will not get up the mountain so instead they knock everyone off of it and in that regard their lowly position will eventually become the most high. It is not easy at the top. Wisdom tells you: "be the moon." Shine a floodlight in the dark and don't play the sun game too long. Being a part of the all star enlightenment team is fleeting and will leave you empty once you are replaced.

Humans like searching. It's a fun game. At some point you have to 'declare'. No one is going to give you a piece of paper declaring you are enlightened or have achieved the prize you were trying to get. You will just know and at that point you know and there's no party. You will find the answer if you keep looking but I sense even though some see it they just choose to look away. It's a little confusing. They just want to stay on the journey of discovery and have something to fall back on when they feel vulnerable or perceive they are failing at life. Is it fear? Accepting what you see and feel leads you to wanting to help others get there as well.

dragon tales

The rise of the dragon is given its impetus by the suppression of the feminine. It is the response of a downtrodden feminine class in order to highlight the need to bring everything to centre. The dragon epitomizes destruction. Men want to build a society based on reason and logic and out of this hope to create a utopia. A dysfunctional utopia though; you see there’s a severe imbalance in this construct that does not integrate love, wisdom, and intuition but instead triumphs reason and the suppression of all others. The eventual response of the feminine is to release the dragon from the depths in order to harass man into waking up to the sad truth that all his progress will eventually destroy him unless he becomes inclusive. The dragon was always there at the behest of the feminine, chained to the world axis, to keep the masculine in check. So Apollo came and killed the Python at Delphi, the Greek designation of the Axis Mundi, and ushered in our age of reason.

Apollo killing Python. A 1581 engraving by Virgil Solis for Ovid's Metamorphoses, Book I.

But did he kill the dragon or did he mistakenly unchain it through killing it at Delphi? Apollo was to rid man of his psyche and celebrate reason and logic; the Spock within all true unemotional and unattached men! Unbeknownst to the great Apollo, the dragon is also an indestructible part of the psyche and came back, this time unchained. It’s a gambit introduced by the feminine to reclaim what is lost; to scream at the masculine to realize he can’t go on this way. You will destroy all. There is a need to cage the dragon once again now that we and our progress have chartered many courses - environmental, economic, and nuclear war that will usher in the end of civilization and well how do we do that? By bringing balance back into the equation. To get back to centre. The best and the brightest resources we have go towards finding more clever ways to destroy ourselves. Killing the dragon will not solve the problem but inclusiveness will and that goes for the dragon as well. Welcome him back into society and use his awesome power to protect the weak and downtrodden among us. The sages of the east figured out a way to use the impressive yang power of the dragon long ago.

This external metaphor is mirroring my own inner world. I have met this dragon within. It terrified me and I ran from it. I have tried to suppress it but eventually I will have to deal with it. I need to integrate all parts of my psyche. I can’t suppress this shadow part of me forever. Use the template as described above to find the centre. Find inner peace and include the dragon in this wholeness.

I went on a bit of a long journey and confronted the dragon along the way, about half way through my sojourn. You want to find ‘yourself’, well guess what? The dragon is a part of that self you are on a journey to discover. I didn’t like that part so I ran from it, ran all the way home and he chased me home, sinisterly calling me Apollo. Back on home ice I was able to regroup and recover from the severe beatdown the dragon gave me. And then he came at me again and I had to summon my allies to help me subdue the bastard so he wouldn’t bother me again in order to finish my spiritual climb. He has left me alone and I completed the climb up the mountain last year.

Two of the plant medicines that helped me on this journey are Ayahuasca and Huachuma. Ayahuasca put me in touch with all the disparate parts of my psyche that are a reflection of the corpus we call self. It’s like a prism that refracted the white light of the unified mind into different light vibrations and from this I saw desire, I saw love, I saw reason, I saw destruction, I saw chaos, I saw intuition, and I saw madness. If I couldn’t have handled it I don’t think I would have been drawn to it, in fact I sure wouldn’t have gone back for a round 2 after the dragon stomped on me. Huachuma on the other hand did the opposite. It showed me the white light and the glory of self. It took all those disparate parts revealed by Ayahuasca and combined them into a harmonious one. Huachuma taught me to be aware and observe. The psyche will take that awareness and assign context, feelings, and give rise to action as we act on the desire lighting us up. When this becomes madness I know I can always return to the white light and find the way out. I see this clearly now. I felt very disillusioned when I completed the climb up the mountain last year; in a way you expect more. Don’t I get to be exalted now? But I already had everything; I just had to go on a journey to remember that forgotten part.

So why all of this and why the journey? Because I want to learn about all my parts that are diffracted through the prism of separation as well as the whole. I am the all as the white light, so I break it all down so I can examine it. I am Eros. I am the Goddess. I am Apollo. I am the dragon. I am the Moon, I am crazy. I am the joker.

I stood at the top of the mountain and realized I can’t stay there. I needed to come down the mountain and I knew on my way down I could be of service and teach love and togetherness. While coming down the mountain I have also learned the journey isn’t over. I was able to get up the mountain because I could get to a state of primal awareness and leave the mess behind. I never quite reconciled all my constituent parts. I embraced most of them but buried the dragon, but he is still there and will need to be integrated into the whole. I left that one out. I’m heading back into the world of feeling with Love amped up and it’s time to be inclusive of all parts of my psyche including the ones I ran from. That’s the impetus behind this game to begin with. Discovery. The last great discovery is the mythical dragon. Why is it a part of me and why is it included in the all?

I think I answered this at the beginning of this post. The dragon is necessary because the divine masculine is stronger than the divine feminine. When the masculine subjugates the feminine then the dragon is loosed from its chains and destroys the edifice the man of supreme reason has created and the game starts again anew. Another go round learning about unity while in a state of separation. 

i am

The sun as the avatar of the right-hand path is so bright that it is blinding. When you engage the right-hand path of ego self, and this is not a condemnation of that path, you shine very brightly and from this you are unable to see and connect to the left-hand path which is a holistic path that reveals we are all connected as one. Following the right-hand path is a necessary part of the journey, in fact follow it all the way to the end and get right into it. Celebrate the self and pay attention to how we all act out of self-interest; it's quite necessary for individual survival. And when you've exhausted yourself on that path, you are much older and wiser, and you can then start to grasp the left-hand path where you find the moon and wisdom and incorporate this modality of the greater good into how you conduct your life.

I have sat with the ego self for a few years now trying to find the underlying cause of this self. In this case when you get into these spiritual questions and engage all the different beliefs and teachings of the ages, you gravitate towards the Hindu and Buddhist traditions because they teach the ego self is transitory and is a delusion. I became trapped by this thinking and subsequently tried to free myself from ego, spent some time battling with myself but didn't really get anywhere. It was last fall when I realized the quest to become enlightened, to free self from ego, to climb that mountain of spiritual achievement, was in fact just another game and trap of the ego. So, I just let it go and came down the mountain back to a more balanced way of thinking.

I have stressed that the root of one's beliefs must be experiential and not one in someone else's. It's a mind trap to get stuck in this mindset. I don't care how venerated some spiritual system is, you should question it, and find your own answers. Well at least that's how I function and would need to do before accepting anything at face value. So last fall when I went through the Huachuma Mesadas at SpiritQuest, altering my consciousness in order to access the wisdom of the ages, I was inundated with the simple answer that Love is everything. That is the only enlightenment, spiritual truth, or mysterious knowledge you really need to know. I was taught we are made of Love, and existence is one big training ground for us to learn to make that Love shine. I was taught our very core is Love, we are to Love, and to this fount of Love we will return. Until we learn to live a life immersed in this Love, we will repeat the curriculum until we “get it.” It was a simple message. This teaching, however, hinted at the continuance of self upon physical expiration and conflicted with what I had accepted as transitory. To be clear I am not referring to personality or the character we have built in this instance but the underlying energy that is the base for our perceived solo identity. A simple message threw my complex understanding of the mysteries of life into disarray! Now I must change my beliefs and rewrite my understanding of self. It's funny how we tend to resist challenges to established beliefs like the ego self hates being told it was wrong. You see the delicious irony here, right? My ego self was pissed off that they were built upon a slice of the vibratory foundation of Love as opposed to being a peculiarity of consciousness.

One of the first things the Great Goddess taught me when I drank Ayahuasca and sat in communion with her, was that all is vibration. That teaching is something I go back to quite often as it has solved a great deal of the mysteries that have vexed me. In learning of the survival of some form of self upon physical death I eventually went back to vibration and realized my manifestation of this self is a vibration that is coming forth periodically and then returning to the fount in order to recharge the energy that will propel it upon another journey. The master vibration is a vibration of Love; it's the eternal song. It is where we all come from. We are energetic patterns that have as their origin this Love vibration. We are the junior partner in the manifestation of the universe. We are the music coming forth from the eternal song. We are all important; we are all Loved; and we are welcomed home when we are ready to come home. We left because we wanted to make our own way, just like the rebellious teenager, and shine our light so brightly on our own. After doing that, we gain wisdom, regain our sight, and acquire great clarity to see the way back to where we came from. It's the left-hand path back to mama. It's time to go back home.

take the long way home

Climbing the spiritual mountain is the supreme egoic accomplishment in this game. By reaching the top you essentially become the most high. The race to the top, while dealing with your split personality, eventually satisfies both sides of the contending halves of your mind. In other human pursuits, this drive to get to the top of your game is the shiny right hand path beckoning you on with promises of fame and fortune. Once reached, the accolades come pouring in. You have made it!

There are two paths - the left and the right. One is shiny, full of your immediate desires, and leads to your cyclical death and re-birth. The other is mundane and dull; however, unlike desire which appears, peaks, and disappears, it just is; it follows the arcing and declension of the natural way. And that's the choice. In ancient Egypt, the two courses can be represented as the cyclical path of the sun god versus the stability of Osiris and the ultimate meaning is contained in their two concepts of time which are neheh and djet.

Osiris and Re merged into one

Neheh is the cyclical path that Re makes and brings time to order. Djet just is; it is not created nor governed.

The right hand path is the path of the sun. Round and round he goes, daily climbing that mountain in the north, shining in full radiance at midday, and then falling into the waters after exhausting himself. The next day he does the same thing, on and on he goes always taking that shiny bejeweled route. The left hand path is the path of the moon. She appears in a cycle out of the waters broken, but eventually reconstituting herself until she shines as well. She does not shine as brightly as the sun however she does not flame out daily like the sun. Instead, she takes her time on this journey to completeness following the natural way until she loses her power and returns to the darkness to regenerate herself over a three day period. The sun is forcing things and his brilliance is short in comparison to the moon, as she follows the great Tao. She lives one life for every twenty eight he lives. In this creation that has manifested, everything is subject to the rhythms of the natural way of things.

I see life and I see death all around me. Day breaks and then night sets upon us. I wake and then I sleep. The energy which courses through me is cyclical. It comes and goes in an undulating serpentine rhythm. To replenish the energy, I need to eat and rest. Like moths to the flame, we are all attracted to fame, fortune, and glory. Looking around I can see the natural path is to take the long way home, shine brightly in full radiance, and then return to the void.

language as a spell

I think you are right; err I think you are correct. Ever notice how language makes you think always in terms of I, self, right, and objects? Language puts a spell over thinking. Thinking is extremely useful but needs to be treated as something you do and not do.

It is so curious why the left is denigrated, and a spell is put over us so that we will by instinct choose the right-hand path. The advertising industry would be proud of this accomplishment. Looking into the roots of this conundrum it is discovered that the left is associated with the word sinister and those familiar with the “sin” in sinister will immediately connect this to the moon. The moon has feminine qualities and the sun, the righteous among us, relate to the right-hand path. In ancient Egypt there are the ubiquitous eyes, and the left eye of Horus depicts the moon as it waxes and wanes, attacked by the forces of darkness, becomes divided, and then is renewed eternally into a wholeness once again. The right eye is the eye of Re and is the path of the sun. The feminine is denigrated in masculine religious constructs, the left-hand path is treated with disdain and called sinister, and the ultra-achievers of our spiritual disciplines are called the righteous. What is being hushed up?

The construction of the ancient Pre-Columbian Mesa of the Chavin temple is three-fold.

three-fold Huachuma Mesa

The left represents the life giving feminine, the right side is the life taking masculine, and in the middle, we find a reconciliation of these opposites to find wholeness. Our western society is not whole in that the feminine is not given her proper place and language casts a spell over any attempts to do so. The third time I ever drank Ayahuasca, at the end of the ceremony I was presented with these two opposite paths as I stepped outside the ceremonial maloca. Though it was past midnight, to my right I saw the jungle lit up in shining splendor. The plants were 3D-extruded and the whole scene was very inviting and welcoming. To my left the jungle was dull, dark, and flat. I looked back to my right - shiny, and then back to the left - dull. I remarked to myself that the right-hand path is sure shiny. Why this Vegasesque allure of the right-hand path combined with a hypnotic spell perpetrated by constructs of language?

Here's my speculative answer: the cyclical highs and lows are on the right path, they go together, and presumably at some point you'd tire of that; well I guess you call that old age but perhaps that is the spice of being alive, maybe this great game of forgetfulness we all play is to experience all the right hand path has to offer and then we eventually tire of the merry go round and say no more for now thank you. We follow the left-hand path back to wholeness and unity and then eventually we want to play again and so we create another world, head on into that, and hide the mystery so we won't figure it out too quickly. And within this construct my game of seeking the answers to these mysteries is no more valid than someone on a quest to sample all the beers of the world.

Language reflects the culture we live in, and the beliefs society is structured upon. Somewhere in my indoctrination, I was taught my thoughts must be filtered through language. All my higher thinking and speculation is accomplished through language and because of this all is tainted with the stench of the values my ancestor's thought were important. It is as if I need to train myself to bypass language and delve into the worlds of symbols, archetypes, feelings, music, and art to try and express what it is I am cognizant of and feeling.

Take the phrase, "it doesn't matter" which puts down something as not real and trivial. The language spell has tied it into the word matter, so we think that what is “real” is material. So, when we investigate matter and can't find anything concrete concerning matter and discover instead it is a bunch of vibrations woven into something that resembles what we call an object we get all concerned because our world view can't handle it. See how it works? The game we are playing has convinced us our existence is really real and serious, when it is not. It's transient and illusory. That's not to say we can't take it seriously or shirk responsibility, however it is incredibly liberating to realize that it really doesn't matter!

sin magic moon

Are we as humans rational? I'm well aware of our shortcomings as a species and our tendency to do irrational things but from an overall perspective usually what we do has some underlying basis, especially if it is a monumental task. This is one of the things that struck me when I visited Egypt in 2009. There are temples, pyramids, and obelisks up and down the length of this ancient place and some are staggeringly incomprehensible to a modern like myself.

Gizah plateau

Karnak temple

Luxor temple

Luxor temple

I say that because of the manpower, logistics, and resources that would have been necessary to construct these objects that were a demonstration of their beliefs. Why would a culture, the world's most powerful empire, erect all these shrines? This spectacle I witnessed galvanized my efforts to keep searching for an answer to an unknown question. I didn't know what I was searching for but I was pretty determined to find it. You see I came to the conclusion that there was an unshakeable belief in the gods and goddesses they worshipped but my mind said well that's just foolish. But again - look! The treasure expended to build. This is irrational unless... Why?

I believed them and I was going to prove to myself why they believed.

It was about two and a half years after I got back from Egypt that I started to get the why. At first I figured they were deifying nature and the cosmos but that only gets you so far until you are confronted with fantastic images and texts of strange worlds populated by various gods, goddesses, and demons. I was reading about night time celebrations in the Goddess Hathor's temple at Denderah involving music and intoxication when it finally clicked: they were altering their consciousness and they were the masters of this very thing.

Temple of Hathor at Denderah

That's why the ancient texts describe ancient Egypt as the most magical land and why the roots of our word chemistry are derivative of one of the ancient names for Egypt which is Kemet. So being obsessed with this question, I wanted to experience what they experienced. Using the Great ancient Egyptian Goddess Hathor as my guide, I followed the ancient trail of shamanism right down into the Amazon basin. Let's just say it didn't disappoint, as this blog space is a testament to my ability to do this very thing.

So what has happened to us? Well first of all, what we moderns call psychedelics are pretty much universally banned or consigned to the fringes of civilization and are considered 'trips' and escapism that respectable members of society do not sully themselves with. Instead of having temples with priests devoted to the use of these agents of consciousness, they are often taken in horrendous settings and for the unprepared this can be quite dangerous. They also have the ability to let you see through cultural games and can show you love is all that matters and this for our western culture is very subversive. Therefore the possession of these substances are considered criminal and society will lock you up if they catch you with them. There are no suppositories of wisdom, nor caring wiseman or wise woman to properly lead you into this mysterious realm. Well, there are still people like this, but you have to find them and that isn't easy either.

Second of all, we don’t see magic in the world anymore because we have succumbed to a spell. We are all hypnotized and under the spell of a great magician. Before the spell cast had taken hold humans knew of magic, of charms, and of enchantment. Those in power with the keys to shape human destiny then used the power to enchant against us and through a spell we lost the magic. What is the spell? It's language. Language shapes your beliefs and filters all your knowledge. Through language we live in an objective material world. Everything is objectified, taken from its background, and given a name. Person, place, or thing is hammered into all children and sentences are constructed on this axiom. Our world is made of language. 

If you ever want to realize the hold language has on you try to figure out why we have to say "It is raining." or "There is a lot of rain." In our language we can't just describe rain as a happening. But even in examining the 'it' in it is raining we can deduce it is describing a state and that state of affairs is ever changing because it is going to eventually get sunny out. Objectified rain cannot exist without a slew of other objects and phenomena which then depend on other happenings, all which are demonstrating everything goes with everything else. Everything is a happening, a verb, and once you stop moving you die. I'm a happening, a pattern of eternal energy that has come forth and is forever changing. A similar language trickery is going on with the word matters. If something is important then it matters; it is substantive and material. It is made of stuff! Nothing could be further from the truth. There's no stuff, just patterns and forms of vibration as energy. However we are taught and hypnotized to believe in a material world full of real objects.

Childhood is pretty magical. Slowly we lose what is called our innocence and we start adulting. Once this language spell takes ahold of us we are taught that wiggly and undefined shapes are a problem. Everything has to be straightened out and measured. Then we can call it an object and put it in an orderly geometric box. If someone is acting unpredictable or out of character they are told to straighten themselves out or they will not succeed in society. This person has to get on the right path to succeed. Everyone wants to be right. The spiritual achievers are all righteous. What's up with this? What is left?

The left is sinister; sinister is referring to evil and its association to the moon. From dictionary.com here are some definitions of sinister:

—adjective

1. threatening or portending evil, harm, or trouble; ominous: a sinister remark.
2. bad, evil, base, or wicked; fell: his sinister purposes.
3. unfortunate; disastrous; unfavorable: a sinister accident.
4. of or on the left side; left.

The root 'sin' is from the name of the Akkadian god of the moon. As well, used as a verb then the moon’s actions become derogatory as these definitions from dictionary.com reveal:

—verb (used without object)

9. to act or wander abstractedly or listlessly: You've been mooning about all day.
11. to gaze dreamily or sentimentally at something or someone: They sat there mooning into each other's eyes.

13. to spend (time) idly: to moon the afternoon away.

And from etymonline.com here is the root of the word left:

left (adj.)

c. 1200, "opposite of right," probably from Kentish and northern English forms of Old English *lyft "weak; foolish" (in lyft-adl "lameness, paralysis"). Compare East Frisian luf, Dutch dialectal loof "weak, worthless").

Apparently we don't like left handed people; they are weak and foolish and inclined towards evil. It's emphasized over and over to go right. What's hiding on the left? The left has no purpose, it just is and wanders about. It's the Great Mother, symbolized by the magic of the moon, by chaos, by curviness, by nature, by water, and by love. How's that for a mind spell? The path of the Goddess is forbidden and ingrained in language as something to avoid.

Spiritual enlightenment for the righteous is a a right hand masculine path up the mountain to become the most high while the forbidden left hand path is the lost way home. In a sense to follow the left hand path is to become a kid again and take in the wonder and magic of the world. It is a return to the mother, to unity, and the home of our rebirth. The right hand path is the path of the self and is an egoic climb to the top in order to crown yourself with the ultimate spiritual achievement. The left hand path involves the valley spirit of Love and it is by following this path you find connection and wholeness. We are as cosmic wayfarers to experience both paths and a reconciliation of these opposites will bring everything to centre and in this balance, experienced now on earth, will be peace.

So yes we are rational when it comes to large scale endeavours. We have lost the ability to understand the why behind some of the things the people of antiquity constructed and believed in, but that's on us. Projecting our inability to grasp the whys onto ancient civilizations will not lead to an answer of why they did it. Breaking free of the spell however will put you on that left hand path and from there it's a magical journey home.