therapy

Nobody does anything for me.

Part of that is by design.

You don't like it.

Yes, but I have noticed no one does anything for me.

Name one thing someone does for you?

I can't.

It's why people like you around.

You don't ask for anything.

You don't want anything from them.

You give and get nothing in return.

Isn't that out of balance?

No, they are both extremes and thus balance.

Do you want something in return?

Maybe once in a while.

An acknowledgement.

It's not love, it's transactional.

Are you loving?

No.

Do you feel love returned?

No.

If you were more loving, you would get more in return.

What does that entail?

You are giving.

Money and time.

People want you to show up.

Why?

They want to know you care.

Do people care?

They want others to care about them.

They must care for others, or no one will care for them.

It's reciprocal.

So, they don't love each other, it's a practical thing to have a community of friends and family for when you need them.

Yes, and they call on you.

Oh.

You thought people just loved each other.

Yes.

You thought you lacked that ability.

You lack the ability to ask others for stuff.

Well, thanks doctor.

So, love doesn't exist?

It does, but it's rare.

Romantic love is everywhere, but we know that is toxic.

Unconditional love is not expecting something in return.

Human relationships involve expecting something in return.

I thought I was incapable of love, and it turns out I just don't ask people to do stuff for me.

That's why you don't fit in.

The herd wants you to go.

I've noticed.

What are you going to do?

Ignore them.

Why?

They are unreasonable.

They want you to join their group so they can ask you to do stuff.

Conform to their wishes.

I see that.

It's not going to happen.

Why?

I don't like people in general.

I like dogs.

You feed and walk them, and they love you.

It's simple.

Dogs know how to give back.

Humans don't.

They will look for an advantage.

The things no friends really want to do are outsourced.

Yes, to Uber and all those things that you pay for a service.

Humans do stuff if they get paid.

It motivates them.

This community thing is trying to get people to do stuff for free.

The ones who are big in the community will look to take advantage of it.

They will get you to do stuff and try to profit off it.

Like politicians?

Yes.

It's a pyramid scheme where you give to the ones at the top.

Sometimes I play therapist for my other half.

Without asking.

I just do it.

I know when it's needed.

People need friends.

Why?

They need people at their funeral.

Wedding.

That's how they cash in at death.

They see how many they can get to their funeral.

Your dad said they need to rent an arena for his funeral.

Fuck, I can see this as a major motivating factor for a lot of people.

You're worried about death and you manifest that worry by trying to get as many people to come to your funeral as possible.

You think you will be remembered and get eternal life that way.

What about you?

I'm on a path where no one will come to my funeral except maybe my kids.

Why?

I don't care and I don't obsess over death.

I wanted to figure it out.

I did.

It's all good.

I'm just playing along.

I feel better after talking this one through.

Vilca was your ticket to ride.

I was so high that day I did not need that.

I can see no Peyote, Mushrooms, Ayahuasca, or Vilca ever again.

I could see Huachuma.

Shouldn't I have had these love discussions with Ayahuasca?

No, that medicine is nuts.

Monster women are crazy.

Why did you expect Ayahuasca to be different?

Mary Jayne is crazy.

Yeah, she has a split personality.

I love it.

I like her.

MJ changed like to love.

I love her crazy.

MJ is showing you your split.

She's good at it.

Well, she is both Mary and Jayne.

She brings the two out of you.

That's why people get scared of you.

I can see that.

I haven't changed.

The other half of me isn't quiet anymore.

They liked the old you.

Shut up and fall in line.

Right.

I played the game.

I can't go on a plant medicine retreat.

I just go in the woods, and it is incredible.

You love her, don't you?

You love Mary.

And Jayne.

I like both.

You were on your way to Hell.

It was going to happen, but I got out of it.

This time it's different.

I'm the Devil and I know it.

The monster would be taking the Devil home.

Then I thought maybe that's how they get rid of you.

They send you back to Hell.

Don't I have the keys?

Yes.

Peter has the keys to Heaven.

He works for me at the Catholic Church.

That actually works.

Yes, Jesus looked at Peter and said, "Get behind me Satan."

You're wasting your time; you should have become a biblical scholar.

No doubt.

The monster sends you to Hell, but you have the keys to that portal.

I have the Heaven keys as well.

Peter looks after them.

You can't lock me in Hell.

That's wishful thinking in Revelation.

Where are they going to banish me?

I don't know.

Lake of Fire?

That's my home.

It's like banishing Odysseus to Ithaca.

You make a good point.

It's stupid.

You have the keys to both portals.

Yes.

I opened them up last Peru trip.

I didn't know.

You didn't see me.

They were trying to get you out through the portal before you woke up and figured it out.

Now, it's too late.

You are saying I can go through the portals if I want.

Yes.

The monster takes you to Hell and you can laugh at her.

Yes, you have the keys.

You wouldn't worry about it.

Would I go to Hell?

No, you are having too much fun here.

When it stops being fun then you can go to Hell.

No, I'll go to Dog Heaven.

So, the monster can't take me to Hell.

No.

You must choose.

You must choose a portal.

I know not to choose.

I have the keys.

Yeah, it's don't choose, and they both stay open.

If you choose, they close.

They are trying to close them.

They want to get you in one and then close it.

Clearly Heaven wasn't working.

They tried Hell.

They want to get rid of you.

You're death.

You keep death's door open.

It's Heaven or Hell.

Got it.

You opened the Gates of Hell.

I opened Heaven's Gate as well.

They want to lock you away.

Like in Revelation?

Yeah.

Cool.

If they lock you up, people will get eternal life in New Jerusalem.

Right.

Well, I'm not going anywhere.

They call you a murderer because you are death.

They say nasty things about you.

Yes, because I have the power.

They want it.

I don't use it.

I let people choose their own destiny unless they ask me to change the story.

I will do that for them.

Some were headed to Heaven, and they wanted to switch it up to Hell.

That's why they asked me.

They ask God when they are on the other path.

Someone on the path to God doesn't ask God to save them.

They want a shepherd.

You don't buy all this 100%.

It's pretty good though.

Very believable.

You could just be a nut thinking up all this stuff and seeing parallels and coincidences in the real world.

Yeah.

What's more believable?

These stories.

I'm not all in.

Nope.

It helps.

This would drive people crazy.

I see that.

They want to confirm this preposterous stuff and when they try, or mention it, they get strange looks from people who aren't awake.

They question their sanity.

Sometimes it's so real.

That tips you over the edge.

What's your secret?

I believe it and laugh about it.

Peter figured out the game.

I put him at the gate to Heaven.

I can put Paul at the gate to Hell.

He's an apostate.

That's clever.

Or the Devil's representative is at Heaven and God's is at Hell.

That tracks and makes you question it.

Or the apostates see Paul and trust him.

Yeah.

Clever.

They see a Lake of Fire but still trust him.

Fuck.

Catholics see Peter and Protestants see Paul.

They choose.

Death just wants you to choose.

The monster took you to the portal of Hell.

Don Howard to Heaven.

You saw both.

Here you are.

Most jump at the opportunity to go to Heaven.

Bad choices lead you to Hell.

You get one last choice if you can get that far.

Edge and don't choose.

Same thing with Heaven.

Avoided the gate and Vilca.

You know how you avoided it?

The monster.

Yep.

They brought you down from that high.

Peter sees the game because he thought he was getting Heaven but he got Hell.

It didn't work out.

So, that's the secret.

Peter tricks you into thinking you are getting into Heaven?

No, it's your illusion.

Deep down you would have known the answer.

Peter knew what he was signing up for, but he thought it would be Heaven, or that he could make it Heaven.

He fooled himself.

Peter stands at the gate of Heaven as a symbol that you are fooling yourself.

Isn't Heaven nice?

That's what you are told.

What do you see about Heaven?

You worship a narcissist and serve him in perpetuity.

The Bible tells you so.

Why do people fall for it?

They don't want to go to Hell.

They don't realize how fun it is.

So, if you were going to choose one or the other you are saying you should choose Hell.

If you feel obligated to make a choice.

Won't you suffer in Hell?

Aren't you suffering now?

Good point.

Do you think it will get worse?

More of the same.

At least you have some fun.

In Heaven, it's dreadful all the time.

You just worship God day and night.

That sounds like Hell.

Do you get free time?

Yes.

They play the harp, and you must pretend you like it.

Can you masturbate in Heaven?

No.

Can you in Hell?

As much as you want.

Well, why would you choose Heaven?

Peer pressure.

I'm not going to choose either.

Then you will suffer here on Earth.

Well, the Devil I know, right?

It has its strengths.

What about when I die and must choose?

Dog Heaven.