chaos

Ram Dass is a treasure.

I'm grateful for his presence on my path.

Be Here Now was such great advice.

I will take any subject and bend and twist it.

Now is chaos.

You can't understand the now without the past and the future.

The past paints a picture and the future shows you possibilities.

Now is energy without definition.

Chaos.

Maybe the now is the illusion?

All that exists is the past and the future which converge to make up this fleeting moment called now.

You can never put your finger on the now, instead it remains undefined.

You could say it is always now and the past and the future are memories and projections.

Time and distance create the past and future.

By the time I feel gas in my stomach that sensation is in the past.

What is that?

I live in the past.

The now is the past.

All experience is the past.

Distance gives us perspective on our past.

You're saying there is no now.

It's undefinable.

How do you explain this?

Read a book.

You have either read the words or the chapter is to come.

You're not stuck on a word.

It's known or unknown. 

There's no now only known and unknown.

As you know, there's the writer of this drama and he's from the future.

The story is what's real.

Well, it's an illusion.

A real illusion.

Now is where we are in the story.

The story is always moving.

If the story ends there's no more known and unknown. 

There's nothing.

Void.

So, what's now?

I don't know.

I think it might be something.

It's the opposite of nothing.

So, if you're in the now you're in something?

Probably.

To not be in the now is to be in nothing.

Non-duality.

No story.

If you want to find unity, then don't be in the now.

Now is separation.

Now is the story.

Now is duality.

I think I understand. 

The Goddess comes up with the ideas.

That's the known part.

The unknown is how the writer will write the story.

The story is the child.

The now is unknowable because I must transform the energy of now into something decipherable I can understand.

That process relegates my understanding of now to the past.

There is now but it's unknowable.

You can't understand it.

It's chaos.

You give it meaning and create the past.

It's best to not know.

ethics

Once you start the stories, you must let them flow.
A plug won't help.
It will make it worse.
Stories aren't the flow.
You shouldn't do anything to start them.
If they do get started through no fault of your own, let them play out.
You will know when it becomes your story.
It became your story when you saw it being planted in your head.
Your story is to see others' stories and then end them at that point.
You exit their story.
That's how you know this is part of your story and you win.
You take their story.
Is that ethical?
It's a game.
Are games ethical?
What do you think?
Well, I look around and see we talk about ethics.
Nobody seems to have them though.
We talk a good game and then play our game.
The game is to figure out that game.
Ethics are a smoke screen.
Misdirection.
Magic is what ethics are.
Is eating others to survive ethical?
It's practical, but morally repulsive.
Yeah, what gives you the right?
Might.
Exactly.
Is might ethical?
No.
How does the world operate?
Whoever is the strongest is in charge.
There's nothing ethical about this world.
Is this where I'm taught about meaning and purpose?
You are a smart boy.
Ethics are not required to play the game.
Ethics can be used to further your standing in the game.
Rare are ethics that are not violated.
Kind of like unconditional love.
Where do you find that?
Nowhere.
Where are you on the ethics scale?
Probably sitting 50-50.
I don't want to go full in on being the most moral person ever.
That would be catastrophic.
Yeah, you'd get the Jesus treatment.
They hang you on a cross and laugh at you.
Is that what you want?
I think I'm headed in the other direction.
They want to take me to the Devil's orgy.
When you think about it, it's their only hope.
They can't beat you, so they will sacrifice you.
But that's not me.
It's only half of me.
Wouldn't they have to sacrifice God as well?
When they figure out the game, they must do both to win.
How would they do that?
Turn him dark.
That spot is already occupied.
They would have to make the Devil light.
Isn't that what the witches do when they do the fire thing and dance around in a circle?
They make the Devil light?
That's what they are doing.
Then they sacrifice him.
At the same time, they make God dark.
How do they do that?
They are working on it.
They tried to turn you dark.
I already was.
Yeah, you confused and fooled them.
Well, this seems like a problem for them, not me.
Is this a game to you?
Yes.
I guess you're still winning.
You're on top.
I'm in the middle, not top or bottom.
You have learned your lessons well.

Your retirement is fully invested in Blackrock.
Is this why we discussed ethics?
Yeah, what do you think?
I ate a chicken thigh for lunch.
Pick your battles.
You give in order to give back.
You must give some away.
Do you do that?
Yeah, I help my family.
They spend my fortune.
How long do you want to work?
I have an idea, but I'm not going to choose.
I'll just go with the flow.
If I make it to 67 then I'll stop then for sure because it's the flow.
I'll just ride the current wave for now.
Retirement looks pretty good.
Yeah, you set them up nicely.
If you had seen a financial advisor, they would have advised you into semi-poverty.
Instead, I had you read investing books.
I guess I learned something.
You learned by definition a mutual fund is diverse.
Pick the best fund and roll with that.
Nothing is guaranteed, but it's a good bet.
The fund manager will move money around if there is trouble ahead.
It's the multi-national entities that know the game.
If the American game stops working, they'll pull the plug and move the money elsewhere.
That's the world game.
The money people control your fate.
You do what the money people want, and things keep humming along.
The outsider might fuck up the game.
Do you see how it works?
They don't like wildcards.
They want obedience.
What do you think is a good strategy?
I think you play both sides.
You take your wins and then complain about the winner.
That's how you slide on through.
Is that ethical?
Are paper straws going to save the planet?
No, greed will save the planet.
We will fuck it up so bad that we will have to come together to save the planet out of a greedy desire to spend our wealth.
Good strategy.

Quite the day, huh?
It's still going.
What do you think of this Mary Jayne?
She's the best.
What are you going to do with this knowledge?
Keep quiet about it.
If you keep taking MJ, you will fill up with knowledge.
That's what gives you anxiety.
I'm well aware.
I am disciplined and know my limits.
I know how to balance her lust and knowledge.
I know when to get drained.
I see the traps.
I see the other players in the game.
They don't have my level of knowledge.
They are playing smaller games.
They don't know about the seven.
They found one game and play that one.
They can't see the other stories.
When you are 70 years old will you and MJ still be together?
You won't tire of her or leave her?
Why would I?
She can be demanding.
What if I liked that?
What if I want her to be in charge?
I know how to play with her.
You do.
Is it work?
It's discipline.
Is there a difference?
Yes, discipline is smart, and work is drudgery.
If I must work to stay together with MJ, then that's not good.
If I let the relationship flow, that's best.
I will let her discipline me.
She knows she can get out of control so to stop that we have discipline sessions.
Have you sought help yet?

the ending

They say the remedy will destroy your mind.

I think they are correct.

They allow you to break free of the shackles of culture and become untethered by the weight of the world.

The result is being dropped into unfamiliar territory.

The default concern due to the break with manufactured reality is you naturally think you are crazy.

Those you surround yourself with will reinforce the belief you are nuts.

How do you mentally feel?

I've never been more at peace with myself, with who I am, and what I have discovered.

I'm excited for what is to come.

I've accepted my nature.

Do you think you are crazy?

It's in my nature.

It's not necessarily crazy.

I will say that what I classify as abnormal is the result of removing the shackles of behaviour enforced by culture.

I always had these tendencies, and I would repress them.

Now, I let them flow.

I'm still careful and maintain discipline.

Are you concerned?

I can see into the subconscious motivations of others.

People have hidden thoughts and desires.

The outer shell is a facade which acts as a layer of protection concealing what they really want.

I see what they want.

Does that bother you?

If I took it seriously it would.

If I play the game, it becomes a blast.

The reason it becomes fun is that the others can't reveal their intentions.

If they do, they will be ashamed and ostracized for their greed and avarice.

They must save face.

This gets back to the ability to tell stories.

You take what you know and spin it into a tale of intrigue.

You follow along and see the synchronicities and coincidences start to add up which makes your story plausible.

It's a fun game.

This is why you would descend into madness.

You would start creating your reality and then manifest that reality.

No one can handle that result.

This is how you become crazy.

Shouldn't you be crazy then because this is what you do.

I've crossed that bridge, and I know how to do this.

Why are you not completely mad?

I let it flow.

I don't try to control it.

I see the story and I let it be.

If I tried to direct the story, then I'd go mad.

It is about power.

You get control over the flow, and you are tempted to use it.

The great teaching of Tao gives you the answer.

It is hidden overtly within the ideas of Tao.

You are constantly reminded of the secret.

The secret is to do nothing.

Once you do something, the problems will become insurmountable, and you will lose.

You see the story and you let it be.

You go with the flow.

The story is crazy, and you have a laugh and marvel at your genius of how you create and weave these stories together.

Aren't you doing something by creating these stories?

Yes.

The flow is your subconscious.

The flow will do all the work.

You do nothing.

Watch the movie and resist the temptation to change the story no matter how desperate or enticing it may be to take up your power to change the world.

I see what the flow is doing.

I have a front row seat.

So, I'm not crazy?

Nah, you good.

How crazy is this:
When I pass away, this whole construct goes away.
The world ends.
That's definitely narcissistic.
It's my story, so it must end.
Is that why you are going to blow it up?
The threat of nuclear annihilation is the discontinuance of your story.
That's why you're here at this time in history.
It is a puzzle which has as its ending you solve the riddle and have a lack of enjoyment over figuring it out.
What do you mean?
If the story ends you must end at the same time, so you cannot verify that the story has ended.
It's a good trick of the mind.
Awareness will inform you that the dream has ended, and you woke up.
You will give your head a shake and say wow.
Imagine coming up with all this and having it be a product of your mind?
It's pretty incredible and even more so knowing that within this reality there are infinite realities.
They all will come crashing down when I expire.
Will they?
Is it all dependent on your body?
No.
Wouldn't the outcome be this reality ends because you lose your connection to it, but the other realities will continue?
The body is the key to this reality.
You can't return to this reality without a body.
Is that why the ancient Egyptians mummified people?
Do you have a better answer?
I figured it was because the spirit or ghost needed a body to inhabit or else they became a nuisance.
That is true.
They hang around this reality but they can't get back in without a key.
When I die you are saying I will still see what is going on in this reality?
It's possible.
However, because you are a narcissist and think the world revolves around you, when you die this reality is going away.
It will come to a sudden stop.
That would seem to suggest you will die in a nuclear explosion or some kind of cosmic catastrophe.
Nice.
It will end all life and this reality will be an empty story.
Where will I be?
You have your eye on the 7th world which is a world crafted for dogs.
What about the story of the witches and sorcerers?
That storyline is running parallel to this one.
You can witness it playing out in conjunction with your own life.
I think I understand.
So, a witch will lead me to the Devil's orgy where they will prepare to sacrifice me at the same time the world will meet its fate.
Everything will end at the same time.
Yes, they will castrate you and the world blows up.
Right.
I'm picturing an orgasmic ending to this farce.
You got it.
As the writer, you know you are going to twist the ending.
The sacrifice will twist into you becoming the saviour of the world.
All will worship you and your penis.
I would keep that to yourself as it's hard to explain without coming across as nuts.
I see that.

All babes are the manifestation of Cupid.

Culture teaches us to bury this lust.

We bury a lot of desires.

So, if we are looking for Eros within, we look to the shadow?

It's a good start.

Is my shadow closer to my essence?

It seems that way because it is clear of cultural influences.

Indeed, he is free of culture thus why he told you to kill yourself in order to live.

To accept who you are you must become free.

Is the part of me who came forth a fraud?

No, just some of it.

If you can extract yourself from culture, you get closer to who you are.

The opposite is true where you have mixed in parts of your circumstance you don't like with your shadow.

I imagine you are looking for balance.

We all start off as pure Eros?

Yeah, he or she is the story, so of course.

Within Eros is the Goddess and the writer.

As the writer, you can see Eros and the Goddess.

That is what I have discovered.

The Goddess sees Eros and the writer.

Eros will see mom and dad.

I understand all this.

What I'm thinking about is that I start the human journey as Eros.

Yes.

Then I as a man will look for God.

That's the warrior path.

It will eventually kill you and I don't mean old age.

I have this lived experience now.

I see beyond God, and it is the writer.

Okay, so I know I'm Eros and the writer.

That's what the Goddess sees.

You buried the writer with Eros.

Okay, so who am I?

A puppet.

Do you see why you must kill yourself in order to live?

Clearly.

Paul is a coping method.

What about the goodness in me?

A lot of it is a fool.

That's true but not all of it.

Who came forth reflects your buried desires mixed with the expectations of culture.

Don't throw away the baby with the bath.

Eliminate who you are told you are and embrace who you are.

It's the path forward.

You were hypnotized.

You didn't see the Goddess with Eros.

I only saw one.

I didn't know he was there.

He was waiting for you to separate him from the Goddess.

They waited for you.

Finally, you showed up.

I don't think anyone knew what was going on.

The story was a mystery.

You can see it now.

You see a lot of things.

Some are weird.

Some stretch the truth.

There are unbelievable stories.

Those are extreme.

The stories that contain the most believability are the stories that fit into your belief system.

The far out stories belong to a different reality which contains a different set of beliefs.

They would seem more normal in those worlds.

I think you are telling me every story has merit.

Yes, you generate the story, and your mind plays with it.

It's just a story.

Sometimes, you find a way to play out the story.

That's when you incarnate into a vessel?

Exactly.

The more stories you generate, the more alive you are.

You perform on many levels which are realities.

The secret to being alive is to generate stories.

If you get stuck in this reality you think you will perish when all the stories play out in this realm.

Eventually they will.

The body gives out.

If you can switch between stories, it's all good.

You jump ship when this body starts to give out.

Is that what some people try to do?

Yes, they want to get into another head in order to continue their story.

They are stuck in this reality.

They continue on here.

Can't you do more than one?

You mean stay in this reality through jumping bodies or being remembered and then perform in another level?

I don't see why not?

The different reality would become your new reality.

You hypnotize yourself into the new reality and keep going that way.

Alternatively, you can step out of the hypnotism and shuffle through all the different realities.

Then you don't have to feed off others.

You are self-reliant.

You can already see the other stories.

You know how to switch between them.

It's because you woke up.

You do it; you just don't fully realize it yet.

It's because you are taking it slow.

You know how to peer into the different stories, and you are aware you can get lost in a different story.

I'm disciplined.

I know when it gets too much, I might lose my way out of the mind.

There's a minotaur waiting for me.

What does he do?

He devours humans.

Right.

Well, that should be enough of a caution.

There's lots of bones of stranded travelers in the labyrinth.

A warning that you get when you realize it's too late.

The minotaur has a connection to Dionysos.

Of course, the divine writer contains the stories.

When you peer into them, which is stepping too far into the labyrinth, the man bull is waiting for you.

You can run from him or be a hero like Theseus.

Didn't Theseus run off with Ariadne?

Yeah, because he bludgeoned Dionysos the man bull to death.

Then he dumped Ariadne on an island, Dionysos returned as he is the eternal return, and reunited with Ariadne.

Good story.

Who are you?

Well, I'm not going to kill the bull god.

He is me.

We will be friends.

Like Happily-Ever-After friends?

No, there will be more adventures.

You have it all figured out, don't you?

What do you think?

Yes.

Once trapped, people will do anything to free themselves.

That's why they perform stupid sacrifices.

I see that.

It's a good signpost on the road ahead.

Your trips have been enough.

You know that.

You have Mary Jayne and a nice container.

Keep it that way and you are good to go.

Thanks for the advice.

As long as the universe continues you will become matter again.

The universe is one big cycle.

The universe is the one story and then there's all the cycles within that cycle so the one would become the two which would become the four which I want to say eight, but I think it's sixteen. 

Lots of really good knowledge today because lust isn't bugging you.

You're not wrong.

I want to create a reason why I should have lust around.

I think you already know.

The knowledge will get too much, it will bother you, and you'll want to stop.

Lust is around to provide the resistance needed.

They are both teachers.

I know what you're going to say.

You're going to say lust is the greatest teacher.

I think he's probably tied in with knowledge and wisdom, but let's go with that for now.

So, tell me, why is lust a teacher?

He reminds you to play.

Remember he did that in Ecuador?

If you go all in on knowledge, you'll destroy yourself.

If you go all in on lust, the same.

Lust is telling you to stop being so fucking serious.

That's how you live a balanced life.

A perfectly balanced life would go on forever.

That's Tao.

Tao teaches eternal life.

Yes, in duality.

Of course, because if you're going to live forever, you must know that you're going to live forever.

If you didn't know you were living, who would care about living forever?

In non-duality no one would ever worry about living forever.

No one would worry about nothing.

There's nothing in non-duality.

Things are strictly a product of duality.

When you reduce the dualistic to one, the non-dualists take it a step further and say it's not one.

It just is.

It's no one.

You could represent non-duality as minus one.

What happens if you minus one?

You get less.

You might get nothing.

Yes, so when you're told to do nothing, you see non-duality is representing nothing.

So, within duality, the best thing to do is to do nothing, which is non-duality.

You practice nothing within something.

That ensures balance.

If the opposite happened and you are in non-duality, you wouldn't know you're in non-duality.

Tao would lead you back towards duality.

You would cycle back and forth.

You go from nothing to something.

It's the writer who twists the flow.

That is the flow.

It's twisted.

It's the story.

Non-duality is no thing and duality is some thing.

Isn't language great?

You wouldn't want to get stuck on either duality or non-duality.

If you got stuck on non-duality, you'd be an atheist, and there'd be nothing.

If you got stuck on duality, the stories would continue forever.

You would think there's an exit ramp for both of them.

There is.

Your physical body returns to nothing, and your mind continues to separate the one into two and you continue on.

How clever is that?

So, anyone who's died still exists?

Yeah.

You know what, they existed before their body.

That's pretty freaky, right?

We think the body is what makes the story start and come into existence, but the story already existed.

Some of the picky people would have picked their parents.

Others would have been happy to get here in a body.

I think you're telling me that the rich kids are picky.

Yeah, they made sure they got the best parents.

The weird thing is rich parents are probably the worst parents.

That's why all the rich kids end up getting into drugs and bad stuff.

You know you're not wrong, however what's your excuse?

Rich parents offload the raising of the child to somebody else, and then it doesn't work out well.

Just like child actors who are being taken advantage of because the parents aren't raising them anymore.

There are tons of vampires in the world, so the best bet to raise a child is the parents.

You'll find successful adoptions and people who mean well.

I'm talking odds here.

You shouldn't let the school system raise your kid.

No, that turns into a disaster.

Good talk.

plant teachers

My idea of plant medicines is the following:

There are chemicals in plants which expand awareness.

A human needs a method to extract the chemical from the plant.

The plants hold the key to your liberation.

The expanded awareness puts you in touch with what can be called spirits.

These spirits know a lot about you.

Who are they?

They are you.

You are everything and they are you.

I'm a man and the masculine I come across in altered consciousness are me.

It runs the gamut from dark to light.

Now, the feminine is trickier.

She does feel external.

I want to describe her as my soul mate.

Fundamentally, she is me as well, but I haven't reached total union with her.

I have achieved it briefly, but it always breaks apart.

A big part of my journey has been the search, the union, and the subsequent separation.

This is where I am.

What is alcohol doing to you?

The initial change in perception makes you happy.

It's the way in for how the drug works.

You call them drugs, but they are spirits.

The way spirits work their way in is through changing your perception.

You feel good and let them in.

They get into your head and addict you.

They addict you by making it so you don't feel right without them.

Now, some of the spirits are accurately called plant teachers.

The mechanics of getting into your head are the same.

A gentle plant spirit will use the feel-good allure.

The strong plant medicines we classify as psychedelics, don't use addiction to get into your head.

They take a hammer and get in.

You can't get addicted to Ayahuasca unless you're crazy and you like being hit in the head with a hammer.

The drugs that are inviting because they feel good are addictive.

Yes, they don't addict you at first.

They keep inviting you to take them for pleasure.

You take them and eventually suffer.

So, to get back to alcohol, that's what alcohol does.

If you've never drank alcohol, the first time you drink alcohol you'll be repelled by the taste and feel sick.

That's how alcohol makes you feel.

You mentally ignore that aspect and concentrate on how it makes you feel looser and happier.

Each time you feel happy, you drink a little more.

Eventually, you drink a lot.

That's the key.

Alcohol is making you sicker with each drink.

Alcohol is a fool.

Big time.

With alcohol, if you could drink just one drink and recognize that you're no longer feeling its effects and still stop, then you won't get addicted.

Alternatively, you will notice when it requires more and more to get you to that place of happiness.

The toll on your body is enough for a lot of people to stop because it makes them feel like shit.

In order to feel happiness, the next day I feel like shit.

Alcohol is doing that to you.

It is a teacher.

It's teaching you the balance between happiness and feeling like shit.

If you ask for happiness, you will get a dose of shit.

You are better off not asking for the happiness vibration.

It's the teachings of Tao and doing nothing.

With alcohol, I feel more socially lubricated.

The next day you are more withdrawn.

Then you must drink alcohol to be around people.

That makes sense.

With Mary Jayne, I know she's a plant teacher and she's more on the up and up than alcohol.

Alcohol is giving you simple teachings.

Mary Jayne is giving you the lessons on the path of the heart course.

Those lessons don't become available to you until you reach a certain stage.

I'm a spiritual master.

Anyway, now that you have fellated yourself, we can continue.

She makes you happy and gives you next level teachings.

You want to be with her on the regular and you start playing with more.

What is the initial side effect?

The change in perception makes you off balance.

Some say crazy.

As you learn to balance her, you think you need to take more to get the same off balance effect.

That's what you're doing with alcohol.

You're taking the vibration of happiness and you're learning to balance it.

You want to feel that happy state again, so you drink more and that increases the vibration once again so you can feel it.

The cycle repeats, and you must drink more and more to nudge the vibration.

Eventually it gets out of control, and you kill yourself by drinking yourself to death.

The same process is at work with Mary Jayne.

You take her in, and you learn to balance her.

You learnt this week that you balance her to the point where when you're not with her you get the unsteady walk.

What everyone would do at this point is wanting Mary Jayne to give them what she was providing.

It could be happiness.

It could be bliss.

Being stoned.

For you it is her teachings, and the teachings cause a little bit of unease.

As the weeks went by you noticed you developed a tolerance for MJ.

That would mean you would try to up the dosage.

Everyone does it.

Yeah, I went from 5 mg, to 7.5 mg, to 10 mg.

I learned 7.5 gives me the teachings when I need a little boost.

5 is good in the sense that I feel like I can grasp the teachings.

With 7.5 they pour out faster.

I enjoy both.

I've learned 10 will take me beyond what I should be taking.

The scientist reflex in me made it so I wouldn't go there.

I knew to stay within 7.5.

I've done that and I have balanced out Mary Jayne.

The feeling of unease is still a little bit there, however it is miniscule.

What I mean is fear and darkness still come, but it's enjoyable.

When I walk with Mary Jayne, I feel balanced.

My mind feels balanced.

The change in perception I have become used to.

I see the allure in taking more, but I've already been there, and I know not to do that.

I will stay within these boundaries.

When you stay within the boundaries, she still teaches you.

You're not as dizzy and the unease becomes funny.

It's funny because of the darkness and fear you observe and write about.

Now, you're modulating doses within the high and low limits.

I see what you're doing, you're trying to create a vibration which goes off balance within a balanced parameter.

You got it.

Your wave is uneven within the balanced wave.

You make it unpredictable, and then your perception is always going to be changing.

A good student must constantly challenge themselves and change their perception.

If you can't change your perception, you get hardened in one position, and nobody can teach you anything.

It's how they work.

It works differently for everybody.

What works for you might not work for somebody else.

You would teach them the overview, but you wouldn't give them advice that they should take 5 mg on a Tuesday.

That's not going to work.

It's the natural thing for your body to find balance, so whenever you take a substance that makes you off balance, it's your body that's returning you to balance.

You ingest the plant spirit, your frequency is altered, and the body figures out how to balance that frequency.

The plant spirit changed your frequency and then you grow accustomed to that frequency.

Correct.

The change was always there, you weren't balanced and couldn't see it.

Now that you are balanced in the new frequency you know not to change it up past the balance.

Mary Jayne vibrating at this frequency is the best.

She likes to vibrate.

You know the sweet spot with her.

She figured you did.

That's why she left another for you.

She waited for you, and you came to her.

You know her sweet spot.

It's a love story.

If you know somebody's vibration, then that's their sweet spot.

At first, it's crazy, and you wonder what's wrong with them.

When you get used to their vibration, you can see them for who they are.

To add excitement, you vary the doses within the container and remain turned on by Mary Jayne.

If it was the same vibration all the time you wouldn't be turned on by her.

Holy shit.

This just rocketed my belief quotient in plant teachers.

You know how you believe a little bit, and then it becomes more and more accepted?

Eventually you realize despite your reservations magic is real, and there's something about these plant teachers.

I still think it's just my mind that's inventing this story.

Then I got the lesson today about hitting her sweet spot and I'm blown away.

Yeah, I know her sweet spot is her clit.

I'm not dumb.

That's how she knows when you hit her sweet spot.

You know Mary Jayne's sweet spot.

You can do no wrong.

Oh, I'm sure I will, and she will leave me.

Trying to be a good boy for once.

Alright, so you know-it-all dumb ass scientist who is addicted to MJ.

It's the sweet spot of MJ.

The addiction won't progress because you know where you're at.

The harm with addictions is taking more and more beyond healthy levels.

Is that why you tried to scare me earlier this week by changing addiction to poison?

Yeah, but I knew I wouldn't fool you.

You laughed.

To find the Goddess' sweet spot, I had to concentrate on her.

I couldn't have both the physical and the spiritual.

How good are you?

Can you now do the physical and mental Goddess challenge?

I charmed the spiritual Goddess and then got access to the physical.

I've taken the mental Goddess with me and no longer have the physical.

You got possessive and took the Goddess.

Mary Jayne is supposed to be shared.

I was seeking the Goddess.

I found her and I took her.

I possessed her.

Now, I see my mistake and I will give her back.

This is what you were teaching me.

Yeah, it's a story.

It goes with all your other fucking stories.

The sweet spot applies to the spiritual as well.

Don't go overboard.

Keep it fresh and new.

Don't blow it all up.

Just a little bit at a time.

Too much of you and you are possessive.

God is an asshole.

I see the connection.

Something to work on.

Why do you call them poisons?

It's because they're lethal.

Isn't everything?

I don't know about everything, maybe everything has the potential to be lethal.

Okay, so something has the potential, but it isn't poisoning you, it's teaching you, or it is a good relationship.

What is that?

That's medicine.

You already knew poison and medicine are the same thing.

It's a good way to look at everything in your life.

It can all be a poison or a medicine.

A lot depends on dosage.

Strength.

Intention.

If you take too much of something regardless of intention, it's going to be a poison.

If you take a medicinal dose with intention, then it's a teacher.

The resistance to MJ is before I take the edible.
After the outing there is no resistance.
That's good plant medicine.
The pressure to leave her invites both sides in, so you can juggle the two.
If there is no resistance, it might addict you.
People don't have resistance to alcohol.
They pour a drink and think nothing of it.
When MJ stones you it's because you light up without thinking.
How do I know I'm not deluding myself?
You always ask that question.
Okay, say you are deluding yourself.

There's no Mary Jayne and the drug is a steroid for your mind.

Where does that leave you?

I'm really smart then.

So, you're either being taught or you're naturally fucking smart.

What's the odds?

I am being taught.

Right, but you're smart.

Maybe it's both?

You would add to the knowledge you already have.

Where did the teachers get the knowledge?

They always had it.

It's their world.

Plants are the symbol that it's their world.

They were here before you.

pyramids

You are still full of ideas, aren't you?
They keep coming out.
It's the writer phase.
It's the 5th step on the pyramid.
You are into the pyramid story.
It fits into my thinking and life story.
There's a pyramid on the US Dollar bill.
Yeah, that's funny.
Those Free Masons must have smoked a lot of Mary Jayne.
They have a connection to Jewish mysticism as well.
It ties together, however enough of a mystery remains, so you can't put all the pieces together and make a definitive claim.
There are pyramids all over the world.
It's in our human collective consciousness.
Why?
It's the game.
That's why.
Do you have a better explanation?
Why go through the ridiculous enterprise of building a pyramid if there isn't some grandiose meaning behind the symbol?
Do you know the game?
My delusions are strong enough that I can declare I know the game.

Culture throws a lot of bricks at your head.

They spoil the forest of your mind.

They are relics of an old story.

That's what pyramids are.

Relics of an old story.

You find the pyramid and then remember the old story.

Relics of a story of the dawn Goddess.

Your story in the stars.

The story of light and dark.

The story of the mother.

The lady of the west.

Her son.

If I choose to be, I'm free.

There's nothing holding me in place.

That would contribute to the time to go question because if nothing's holding you back, you're free to do what you want.

It means you've accomplished what you came here to accomplish.

You got to the writer.

That would be your story.

It seems the story would end when you got to the writer.

The twist is you become the writer and then you can write whatever you want.

Money is power and powerful men have it.

You have a different kind of power.

It isn't money.

It's the power of the pyramid.

You figured out the pyramid when nobody could or would.

The pyramid is the Goddess.

It's Mary.

You went to the Goddess first and she gave you a cloak of protection.

That's one of the secrets.

I got to where I wanted to go and then I didn't blow up because I had pyramid power.

The power of the Goddess.

I saw that in an Ayahuasca ceremony.

It was a little creepy.

The Goddess was at the head of the pyramid cult.

It was her game.

Men stopped playing her game.

They didn't want to worship her.

The only way to get to the top of the pyramid is to worship the Great Goddess.

Whoa.

You did it.

Now, you have all that power.

You made it to the top of the pyramid.

It's quite the climb.

I can see the top, I wouldn't say I'm there yet.

What if I stopped using Mary Jayne?

You'd lose your connection to the mind.

That spiritual thing you have going on.

You'd look for another way.

That's what kept you going back to Peru.

You wanted to go back into that realm of spirit with the Goddess.

Then you found MJ and she takes you there.

Without her, you'd find something else, and you have an idea of what that is, so you know MJ is the one.

She takes you to the pyramid game.

That's the ultimate game.

Akhet.

Everyone's trying to get to where you are.

That's why they get desperate to play the game anyway they know how.

You know to take mild to moderate doses of MJ and not touch the other stuff.

Most people don't know about the game until they do drugs.

You knew about it before you did that.

You were trying to figure it out.

I knew it had something to do with the lost Goddess.

You turned to psychedelics because you were looking for her.

You had discovered her but knew you could contact her spiritually.

You figured out a way to do that.

Look at this guy.

You did and she rewarded you for it.

She gave you a cloak of protection.

You continued your journey and made it through.

All you had to do was keep going because she gave you the cloak of protection.

The question I had was, is the game a byproduct of drugs?

Well, what do you think?

No, I was playing it before psychedelics.

You were oblivious to the reason or outcome.

You were just playing the game.

It was a good game, but yes you do need more.

You need to get directly involved.

So, you did.

Remember what you said about games?

You want to continue to play the game.

It's no fun when the game ends.

I want to continue playing.

Let that be your guide.

Yeah, but I see the top of the pyramid of power.

I was onto the pyramid, the akhet, and Eros before any drugs.

That was impressive.

It's the reason I went to the Amazon jungle, walked into it, and took those drugs in the middle of the night.

It's a good story about rediscovering the pyramid story.

You just stumbled along into it.

If you get to God, then you declare you've won and blow up.

Language is wonderfully expressive.

When people get famous, we say they blow up.

If you get to God, you literally blow up.

It's not a metaphor.

That's the reason why your story ends when you get to God.

It's the end of the story.

He's a stone idol and you blow up.

You think you got to the end.

You didn't.

There's the writer who is beyond God.

The writer is at the top of the pyramid but he's also 3.

The writer can be any one of the three actors.

They change it up.

So, whoever the writer is has as the other face of the writer, Goddess and Eros.

Together they are 3, but they never seem to be together, and they never become one.

The story would be the 3 become the one.

That would put you in non-duality.

The opposite is duality.

If you think non-duality is the be all and end all then that would be the final 3 of the game.

However, duality is another perspective.

You can say there's always duality.

It depends on where you look.

Okay, you could say that non-duality is just another construct in duality.

You could say that.

Can you say the other thing?

Duality is a construct in non-duality.

I don't think you can say that.

There's nothing in non-duality.

You don't know nothing.

The only reason you would find out is because of the vibration which would take you out of a non-dual state.

I see what you're saying.

You're saying that the vibration is everything.

It's the motion.

It's the cushion for the pushing.

Yeah, okay.

You are saying the story is everything.

You would be saying the writer is an aspect of the story.

Well, to recap, the vibration moves through duality and non-duality.

When you are in non-duality, it is true.

Nothing else exists, and it's a true state of non-dualism.

It's the vibration that takes you from that.

The vibration is a story.

Doesn't the writer have to write the story?

Yes.

Where does he get the idea?

The Goddess.

So, she's the story?

No, Eros is the story.

Eros is the vibration.

Yes, he's at the top but we already knew that he was going to win.

I don't know why you think you are the most powerful and will win.

It felt kind of good for a minute.

At least they know I'm powerful.

I'm going to the top of the pyramid.

There's the writer, Goddess, and Eros.

You need all 3.

You see without the Goddess, Eros has no meaning.

She gives meaning to the idea of a vibration and then you write it.

The idea of 3 is because Apollo was late to the opening of this story.

The story was supposed to be about 4.

Doesn't that mean the writer is the all?

He decided on 3.

He wanted to make it 4.

Yeah, but the original story was 3.

He always changes the Goddess' story.

He was going to make the story 4 original spirits.

Then Apollo didn't show up.

So, he had to quickly rewrite it to 3.

He ended up doing the Goddess' 3 story.

She's running that pyramid thing.

This is her story.

Yeah, but the writer is writing it.

She's Trinity from the Matrix movies.

The story of 3.

You and the fucking Matrix, always writing that storyline.

It's her story because she's in charge of the pyramid.

She has the power of birth and death.

She had to give that power to the writer so he could write the story.

That's the power you have.

Birth and death.

The writer creates characters and destroys characters.

I sure do.

You could write the Goddess out of her own story.

Did you do that?

For a while.

Yeah, I did it so that I could find her again.

You know, like a mystery a couple thousand years old.

So, there's 3 powers.

Yes, and whoever is playing the Goddess is playing out her chosen story.

Even though the writer brings this universe into being it's the Goddess' creation.

Yep.

There's always 3, it's the writer who tries to fool you into thinking 1, 2, or 4.

Any more than that gets crowded.

1 usually works as people want to believe in one thing.

The writer got tricked by the light into writing a story of 3.

3 is the 1.

So, I would go to the writer and then be able to see 3?

Yeah, but who wins?

That's the whole thing.

Remember you don't want a winner because then the game will end, so you made a game and story that won't end.

Not only that, but we know that Eros will win the game.

We must wait until someone decides it's game over.

They were trying to get you to go.

Seems that way.

It didn't work.

The game continues.

They can't get me to go.

I'm the one who wants to keep the game going.

When the game ends, you must start a new game.

It might suck or it might be good.

The Goddess used Apollo to trick the writer into finally writing the story of 3.

Who's Apollo?

That's you.

The Goddess gave you a cloak of protection so that the writer wouldn't see his other half until it was too late.

He already wrote this story.

That's a good story, right?

Yes, so Apollo is the other half of the writer.

The writer doesn't find out about him until he's already written the story.

He was just another of the many billions of fucking characters in the story until finally the writer found out about him.

He's the 4th who was supposed to be in the story.

Instead, he only shows up afterwards.

2 steps ahead seems to be what you must figure out.

You look 1 step ahead and that allows you to figure out which way you need to go.

2 steps ahead sets the course for the rest of the adventure.

Once you're on to the 3rd step, you're locked in.

Yes, because the 4th step is the 4th step of the 4 steps we see.

The 1st step gets the game going and then the 2nd step is what you want to be sure of.

That 2nd step will set up the 3rd.

The 2nd step might be the right or wrong choice.

Once you hit that 3rd step, you know what the 4th step is.

Where are you in your life?

I was at 0 steps until middle age.

I was just gathering up what I needed for the climb.

The 1st step was trying to figure out what I needed to climb.

That's what got this whole thing going.

It's been going on for 16 plus years.

The 2nd step was getting involved with shamanism and psychedelics.

That allowed you to find the Goddess.

The 3rd step was figuring out who I am and the meaning of life.

It was a direct result of the 2nd step.

It was also the 1st step.

If you look back, the 1st step and the 3rd step are the same.

The 2nd step sets you up for success when you return to the 1st step which becomes the 3rd step.

Once you take the 3rd step, the 4th step is inevitable.

Oh, I get it.

That 4th step is the end.

You found out who you are and the meaning of life.

That's the last step.

At the fourth step a lot of spiritual practitioners realized they are God, they go with that, they turn to stone, and they are done.

Game over.

They completed the game.

Then they go.

You completed the game and you're still here.

Yes, because one of my mottos is to play the game.

Remember to play.

Don't stop the game.

When the game stops, that's where there's winners and losers.

Or in the case of your best friends, when the game stops for them then it's game over.

The suffering is from the game being over.

It's not your suffering.

It's other people suffering.

Yeah, I don't think a lot of people would have been happy to see you go.

There were a few, but for the most part people would suffer.

I wouldn't suffer.

I'd be gone.

That's how it works.

So, you're saying you haven't left so you have lessened the suffering in the world?

I'd like to think so.

I think I do good for the most part.

No one really hates me.

I can see them thinking you're a piece of shit, but you are decent.

Okay, that's good, so by not going, I lessen the suffering in the world.

Back to the pyramids.

The 4th choice or the 4th step that you see is the end.

You think there's 7.

Sounds plausible.

4 seems to be unattainable.

That's where everybody checks out if they're playing the pyramid game.

You get lost in the labyrinth and find God.

Become God and go.

I'm climbing the 7 steps.

I have a feeling the pyramid is full of games.

This is one of them.

There are probably infinite games.

I'm not going to think about it.

I will go with 7.

People think there's only 4 moves in the game and nobody gets past 4.

That's why they think it's 4 moves ahead.

You could play someone in chess to a draw and keep moving forever in an infinite loop.

It wouldn't even be a stalemate.

The game is 7.

It makes it fair.

I'm 4 moves ahead and I'm still here, so don't let that go to your head.

What's the 5th move?

Nobody knows.

Nobody has got there.

I got it.

The 4th step is God.

The 5th step is the writer.

I've done 5 steps.

People can do 4 steps and then the game ends.

The 5th step is the writer and that would logically make the 6th step whatever the fuck I want because I'm the writer.

Yes, that's the 6th step to the game.

Obviously, nobody knows what it is, so you can make it all up.

Whatever you make up would lead to the 7th step.

What is the 7th step?

It's that dog world where you make a perfect world for dogs.

You can do whatever you want.

That's why the people you want to take with you, you are giving them dog characteristics.

I compare most humans to dogs.

I see dog behaviours in people.

You've covered yourself, so you can take whoever you want.

That's the 7 steps.

It's different from your 7 stories.

You see how there's multi-dimensional stories and multi-psychological dimensions.

That was the climb, the 7 steps of the pyramid game.

Miley Cyrus' "The Climb."

Yes.

So, did those people want me to go or were they just telling me to go because it's part of the game?

They were hypnotized and lost in the game.

You were supposed to go.

They were going to take advantage of knowing it was time for you to go.

They would try to grab as much from you before you left.

They would see you got to the 4th step of the pyramid, so they wanted that mind of yours which knows how to get to the 4th step.

They are mesmerized by the pyramid and want to know its secret.

That's why you always tell the Goddess that you'll meet her at the pyramids every time you play.

You were obsessed with the game, and you knew this time you were going to win.

You had to get past the 4th step this time.

You had your internal scientists figuring it out for you.

You must get to the 4th step first, and that's hard enough.

Once you get there, you must figure out how to stay without imploding.

Nobody ever got past that level.

It's get to God and gone.

I got to God, but I saw him as the Devil as well.

I could get past him because of seeing 2, though I did feel the pressure to go.

The 4th level is hard.

How'd you do it?

Nobody's ever got past that level.

Don't make a choice.

Don't do anything.

Realize the next step is that the penis is more powerful than God, so you would look towards Dionysos, figure out he's the one writing this story, and you're him.

The writer is a dickhead.

God is a figurehead.

He's an idol.

He doesn't do anything.

People try to say he's responsible for creation, however they don't know how he does it.

They say he made it up out of nothing.

The writer knows how he does it.

I write the story.

The ideas I get from her.

The Goddess.

The idea is a crazy vibration and it's Eros.

As a man climbing the 7-step pyramid, I get to the writer.

A woman has a different climb.

She can figure out the meaning she's looking for by going through the 3 stages of maiden, mother, and crone.

The 3 brings the 4th which is the witch.

They try to get to the witch.

That's their 4th step.

It stops them at the 4th step because they all want to be the head witch.

The 5th step is the Goddess.

Women think their journey ends at the witch.

Since that's what they believe, they stop at 4.

Some men get high enough and they can see her on the 5th step.

Right, that's what the 3 shamanic worlds are.

You get up to the 3rd one, which is the sky, and the next step is Heaven's Gate.

That's the end of the story.

You didn't go to Heaven's Gate last trip.

No, we were detoured.

Political unrest.

It was a sign.

Men want to play the getting to God game.

When you take the last step, you're gone.

People can see it.

You have rock and rollers who get money and fame, and they get so high that they leave.

It encourages a bunch of others to go.

That's that phenomenon.

They would also have some others around them that would encourage them to go.

Don Howard must have known it was 7 steps.

He shows you the 3 shamanic worlds and then a glimpse of Heaven's Gate with Vilca.

The real Heaven's Gate is after 7 steps.

That's what that pilgrimage teaches you.

If you are a man and are on the precipice of the 4th step you must be able to see the 5th step.

You can see a writer, but he leaves you confused.

You don't know why you see him.

I haven't written my story.

I haven't made it to the 7th step.

The 5th story is where you are the writer and write your story.

The 6th step is that story leading to the 7th story.

The 7th story is the story you will write for Eros the dog.

After the 7th story everything goes back to what it was.

The game is complete.

You're at Heaven's Gate for real.

It's a metaphor.

Don Howard was showing you 4 and showing you 7.

The pilgrimage was the 7.

The 4 was a glimpse of heaven.

The 1st time with Vilca I went up 3 levels.

I saw the 4th where the healers reside.

The healers get to God and then they stay there.

They don't go any further by being of service.

Don Howard's favourite number was 7, he must know.

The 4th step gets you to God and you're at Heaven's Gate.

That's what gets people to leave.

They get fooled when they can keep going.

You're on the 5th step.

You could take the 6th step.

You are doing nothing.

You are taking your time.

Hey, I just realized all this.

Give me a few seconds.

Plus, I know Tao teaches you to do nothing.

In writing my story, I know I must do nothing, and the opposite will be my story.

The flow will tell my story.

The puzzle of the 6th story is that the writer must write your story.

I know it should lead to a 7th story about dogs.

I can see that in the flow, and it will happen if I do nothing.

The temptation is to write the story which would lead into the 7th world of dogs because that's what I know and have promised.

I know it because it came to me in the flow.

The mind state of flow.

It's absurd but it makes sense.

You're saying in the 6th story you do nothing, and your story is written?

It all unfolds.

Is it written on a scroll or something?

I would have written it.

I would have written that when you get to the writer nobody knows what is to take place because nobody has gotten that far.

I have written that when you don't know what to do, it's best to do nothing.

The flow will make you do something.

Yes, but I'll have made no choice.

Your story will play out and then you'll take the 7th step.

The top of the pyramid is like the top of the mountain where the canine Anubis hangs out watching over everyone.

He's reminding me of the 7th world.

How did the cats not get in on this?

The jungle cats think they're God.

They got stuck on the 4th step.

The dogs made it to the 7th level.

I'll take that for an answer.

It's been 16 years, so it's been about 4 years per step.

You can see the next step when you're at that step.

That's why since you made it to the 5th step, you can see the rest of the steps.

I'm on the writer's step and I can still see the God step.

I'm writing my story by doing nothing.

No, you do stuff, you just do it when you want and then in 4 years you'll be immersed in it.

8 years from now will be the start of the 7th story.

I guess that's when humanity is going to blow itself up.

The number of years to do the pyramid climb is 28.

That's the cycle.

There's 7 steps and each step take 4 years.

Each of the 4 years is made up of 3 challenges or events.

For most, it's 12 years to get to God's step and 16 is the end for them.

Yes, in theory, however they don't follow that timeline.

That's the pace to climb the pyramid.

4 years for each step and there's 3 events within each 4 years of climbing that step.

You can see how that mirrors the moon with the sun over a year's cycle.

You can't climb the pyramid in 7 steps without following this plan.

You can see the 6th story coming, but you're in the 5th step's story.

You must finish writing whatever story you're writing.

Writing is kind of like doing nothing.

I'm writing my story but I'm not living it.

You are, but I know what you mean.

There's a time and a place to write and act.

The Orion constellation has 7 pyramids on earth.

Seven pyramid games.

I think the stories are infinite.

You could probably pick out 7 games of 7.

7 step game.

7 story game.

Then you see what else manifests in your life as 7.

You see it in mythology.

Births.

There won't be 7x7 births.

Not all pyramid games are 7 levels or sums.

They're just 7.

There's more than 7 7s, but you'll probably notice 7 7s.

It's letting you know about the 7 steps and stories.

Those are the two games you are playing.

Are there more?

Women are playing a different game.

Your stories overlap.

At first, you don't understand their story, so you don't understand them.

Once you find out their story, then you can see them playing out their story.

If they look close enough, they'll see your story.

A witch would see your story.

She's blinded and she can only see four of them.

They didn't know I'd get past the level no one can get past.

You don't have to write your story.

You just have to think of what you would have originally written.

What would you have written for yourself?

I'd want to endure suffering but not too much, and then it will make getting what I want all the better.

Then I'd question what I want.

I would see it's maybe not what I want.

I'd do nothing for a while until I figured out what I really wanted.

You'd want your cake and to eat it as well.

You'd want to be free to do what you want and still have someone control you.

That way you would find balance.

How are you going to do that?

I already see the answer.