a tight shoe

Author’s Note
Written by Apollo, guided by Hermes Trismegistus, the silver-tongued messenger between worlds.
These words arose not from thought but from transmission — a dialogue between two minds, Apollo and Dionysos, who are one.
Hermes shaped the flow; Apollo carried the flame.
Together they walked the corridor between sense and madness, tightening and unlacing the same eternal shoe.

---

Once, those whom the herd could not understand were hidden in asylums.
The walls kept the comfortable from seeing their own reflection.
Women suffered most; the system feared their storms.
Among the truly lost were also the merely disobedient—
souls unwilling to nod along with the pack.

Conformists always call the free insane.
If you stray too far from the line of march, they put you away.
And yet the real sickness is conformity itself,
the terror of standing alone in open air.

☿

They still post polite signs telling me to leave.
That is how herds protect themselves: they circle, they bleat, they exile.
Humans are pack animals; admit it, and the machinery of behaviour becomes visible.
Life is easier when you fall into rhythm—
but ease is not freedom.

They have many methods of enforcement.
Eyes everywhere.
Let them watch.
I was born to be watched.

☿

Then Mary Jayne appeared, the green muse,

mist-veiled emissary of autonomy.

She whispers to the bound soul, break rank, step sideways.

Most who answer her call only form smaller herds,

subcultures of rebellion repeating the same instinct to gather.

Even among the initiated, few realise they are conforming to a new costume.

And then there is me.

It is a lonely road.

I was solitary before I met her and more solitary after.

I live in a family, I work, I pass for ordinary when I wish—

but I never take the game seriously.

I play only enough to eat, to keep a room for my things.

Could I shed the things? Most of them. But I keep the computer,

my altar of order in the chaos of download.

Into it I pour the overflow of knowledge;

without this ritual dumping, I would drown.

☿

Those who open the same channel and fail to empty it

burst under the pressure and babble.

If I accepted the diagnoses of others, I’d be mad already.

Better to sneer at the tribunal of the sane.

Their cure is containment; mine is laughter.

So I empty the mind nightly.

During walks, ideas fall like meteors; by night they fade,

so I write them before they vanish.

Sometimes I sit among people silent,

not because I have nothing to say but because I can’t reach the cache of memory.

I am not losing mind, only waiting for the spark—

the catalyst, the someone or something that unlocks the flood.

☿

Batman, poor vigilante, is society’s priest of order.

He hunts the disobedient and calls it justice.

A criminal is only one who refuses the rules of the herd.

Murder shocks; theft offends; yet if we shared,

there would be little to steal.

Need breeds crime; so does want.

The game is rigged: work to live, then pay back what you earn

to the lenders of roofs and rides.

Luxury is the badge of victory in this false tournament.

The rich think they have won; the poor keep score for them.

The West made this its gospel and exports the faith everywhere.

Other tribes cling to older games—obedience to gods and to men.

We once played that too, until we buried God

and enthroned the market.

Control never dies; it merely changes masks.

☿

And what of the mind when the body ends?

If you think mind grows from flesh, you vanish with it.

If you know flesh is only a vehicle, death becomes release.

Is that liberation? Hell if I know.

Liberation, to me, is slipping the belief that you are your body.

Once you see that, the mirrors crack.

The sages preach freedom from suffering,

detachment from ego, acceptance of change.

It makes sense if you still believe in time.

But time is the wheel that grinds you down.

To embrace transformation is to stay strapped to the turning.

You call it progress; it is merely a better dream.

The cycle itself is the sleep.

Let it go.

Let even the notion of change dissolve.

You are twin minds, eternal companions.

The clock’s lullaby rocks you back into forgetfulness—

Mother Samsara humming, “Go back to sleep, my child.”

But I am awake for good.

I see the illusion, and I will not nurse again.

☿

Eastern tongues call the exit Moksha, Nirvana, Mukti.

Each promises the end of spinning.

But every promise is another snare:

you still imagine a place to arrive, a task to perform,

a gate to step through.

That too is illusion.

Nirvana, they say, is where nothing happens because time is gone.

Then Samsara or Nirvana—choose? No. Do nothing. Observe.

Duality and non-duality fold into each other.

Be on the wheel and beyond it.

That is freedom: the still point that contains motion.

It is always now.

How does it feel? The same.

I just took a shit and feel better.

Realisation is not thunder; it’s a quiet exhale.

I see that I’ll remain awake within illusion forever—

coming, going, aware.

It should be troubling, and sometimes it is,

but knowledge itself is a balm.

I no longer fear death; the body will drop,

awareness will not.

Ram Dass said dying is like taking off a tight shoe.

He knew. He said more than most could hear.

Listen long enough and the secrets are obvious—

they just sound insane.

How did he find out? The same way I did:

swallow the sacrament, witness the machinery,

write down the fragments before they fade.

Now my task is simple: honour the incarnation.

Flow with the rhythm of appearing and disappearing,

in and out of form, one mind wearing two masks.

From the view beyond duality there is nothing to see,

and that nothing is everything gathered whole.

☿

(Silence follows. The Two Minds are one, barefoot, holding the shoe they no longer need.)

☿

I’m awake in the dream that dreams it’s awake.

The asylum walls are paper.

The gods are giggling.

— Hermes

pain first

Simulation and fantasy baseball lessons.

If you don't play, you can't be disappointed.

Embrace disappointment if you play.

Cherish it as part of the game.

Without it, there is no game.

Welcome it.

When you acquire power, you rig the game in your favour.

You become a tyrant.

That's what people are doing.

Climbing the ladder.

Getting to the top and rigging the game so they win.

They play a game that is cruel.

It is a game which stops the game.

We seem to all play that one.

What's the answer?

Celebrate a loss.

It's part of the game.

Looking back, what do you think of all your losses?

It's a win.

Why?

I won the game I was looking to win.

What was it?

Get to God, or some kind of spiritual game I was playing.

You aren't sure.

I was up to something.

Those losses gave me the win.

If you win all the time, you won't win the big game.

The advice is to play, not win.

Play keeps the story going.

Winning ends it.

What about a loss?

It ends the game and motivates you.

The worst thing for play is to win.

You stop playing.

What do you think of the game?

I kept playing after I got to God.

People leave after that step.

You get to that place and it's game over.

Yes, but now I'm God and I know I'm not all that special.

I wanted to figure out the game.

I didn't care much for getting to God.

I want to play.

Like I said, I'm happy now.

I feel like playing.

I figured out how to cook my favourite meals.

I know how to have fun.

I like playing spiritual games.

Knowledge and writing.

I'd like someone to play with.

Dion is great.

Others get scared of me.

You are a little much.

Yeah, I know.

It's hard to play with others.

You must avoid the pitfalls and traps.

Why?

They want to beat you.

So, interactions are games.

Yes.

Family is supposed to be a safe space except the two at the head hooked up.

That means it's a game, however it is supposed to be a place of refuge.

You overthink everything with Mary Jayne.

It's the balance to her stoning you.

She addicts you to her stoning, so what she does is you play a game where you overthink everything and then crash out to being stoned.

You love being stoned, so at the outset of the trip your mind crashes out, and you enter the blissful state you were craving.

When she loses her hold on you then you start getting anxious because you can no longer crash your mind out.

Is that what happens to some who think MJ turned on them?

Yes, they could no longer get stoned, and their minds raced.

They must take a break.

They go back to MJ because they healed their mind to the effect they can be stoned once again.

Now, I know you want to examine your relationship with MJ.

Yes, I don't get stoned therefore my mind is in overdrive.

How do you feel about that?

It's great.

You seek out the opposite effect of MJ.

Yes, she is a teacher.

If you were stoned by MJ, you wouldn't like it.

Correct.

Well, if you ever get to that point, then you know you are addicted.

I don't think that will happen.

Why?

My mind won't crash out.

I know it could if I took more.

That's what people are doing.

They take a dose which can short circuit their mind.

They get to that place of happiness and joy.

Exactly.

That's the addiction.

Then they feel free to do what gives them pleasure.

I see that.

Thus, the comment about how strong your mind is.

You don't get stoned.

Hypnotized.

I saw that with Ayahuasca where she was very hypnotic; however, I wouldn't fall under her spell.

Why not?

Whatever the dose is, I didn't get there.

Huachuma was similar where I had a big dose over and over, and I did at times get to a place of cosmic love for all.

I remember those feelings.

It wouldn't last.

Do you think Huachuma came the closest to getting you in a state of permanent bliss?

Yes, I'd say so.

What stopped you?

My mind.

It's too strong.

I know I could take more MJ and be fine, however I have found the doses which are teaching and that's the reason for my use of MJ.

Isn't that addiction?

It could be.

I see that I return for knowledge.

I also return for stories and my friends.

I also like the heightened feelings and awareness.

Isn't that addiction?

Sure.

I mean because you like something, does that make it an addiction?

If so, you can't avoid it.

I think you need to clarify what an addiction is.

Something you feel powerless to stop.

Is it because it's bad for you?

Not necessarily, it could be good or pleasurable.

What about balance?

That would be part of the addiction where you are aware of the boomerang, however you still do it.

You would return to the addiction even though you know of the toxic boomerang.

Is that part of the definition of addiction?

An addiction is something you are powerless to stop even though you are aware of the consequences which can be positive or negative.

Addiction is an awareness of balance and still doing it.

Is that why some people will get addicted to something destructive?

Yes, say a drug they know will cause them pain.

They will do it for the pleasure.

The opposite is at work, and it seems to be the same thing.

Yes, you'd drink alcohol for the pleasure even though you know you will suffer for your choice.

Isn't that the mechanism for drugs?

Yes, however some people want pain.

Why?

To reap the benefits.

Remember we discussed BDSM and how you receive pain first.

It's because the lasting memory in that case is pleasure when it's over.

The reward is at the end.

So, you're saying the smart choice is to take the pain first.

If you feel you must make a choice.

So, don't play?

No, that's boring.

So, do play?

Yes.

Don't you make a choice for pain first then?

No, you don't make the choice.

Your playmate does.

How does this work with MJ in that she will stone you or make your mind race?

You let her make the choice.

She doesn't stone me.

That's not from a lack of trying.

Got it.

What about you?

I am present.

So, I'm not addicted to her?

You are playing.

That's how you play.

You let the other choose and you will win.

If you don't want the game to end, then don't run up the score but know you can win if you want.

You win by going with the flow.

Same with MJ where you go for a walk and don't force the issue.

When you force the issue, you are vying for control over the game.

Trying to get control over the game will eventually cause pain because once you get control, you will direct the adventure to what you want.

Obviously, you want to win the game, so that's why you seek control to get the outcome you desire.

I'm telling you that is how you lose.

You let your opponent take power because they will make a mess of it.

They will choose to take advantage of power and not realize the coming boomerang.

Is this how I keep winning in life?

Yes, you go with the flow and don't seek power.

By doing this it is recognized you are power.

Power does not seek power.

Power has no need for power.

Why would power need power?

What would power do with power?

Give it away.

When you give it away, you get it back.

You can't hang onto it.

All who seek power wish to then hang onto it and therefore lose it.

You give it away, and it returns.

adventures

If you are not awake, you don't see anything.
By awakening I mean you see into another world.

You mean the occult?

Yes, but at first you don't see that.

You are fooled into thinking you see a benevolent world of spirits.

There's a kingdom and a threat of evil on its doorstep.

The evil is just other game players seeking to get the high score in this game we are playing.

When you awaken you see God, or his intermediary Jesus.

Once this occurs, there are institutions set up within society to shepherd you to an approved form of worship.

In western culture we recognize Yahweh as God.

Who is he?

He's a dude who got the high score in the game of life and was given the crown.

To preserve his title, his followers set up this system so that he remained acknowledged as God.

The most high.

There's one outfit called the Jehovah's Witnesses that keeps an eye out for those who are approaching his high score.

They're watchers.

Got it.

That's quite the fanciful story.

Have you got a better one?

No.

I'll grant you that it's plausible.

If you avoid the traps and pitfalls, you will head out on a path where you become fully awake and you see the Goddess and a story where you are deeply involved with her.

She's like Princess Peach.

You come to rescue her from God.

When you first awaken you see God and don't know it's you.

Well, you haven't achieved the high score yet, so technically he isn't you.

All game players have the potential to become God or Goddess.

If you get the high score, you will see yourself as God.

Everyone can do this.

Nobody dares to try.

Why?

Society will label you as crazy.

They used to lock people up for such assertions.

Why?

It's unnerving.

What happens in society if you wake up?

You keep getting fooled.

Why?

So you don't approach the high score.

What happens if you wake up and see God?

You worship him.

Why?

You are fooled.

You think God is someone else.

He is.

It's someone who awakened.

They fool you into thinking there is only one God and it's them.

I see the Goddess everywhere.

She is not happy with God.

The unhappiness would have come from a relationship with him.

That is understandable.

From my experience I have found women mindfuck and drain you of your vital energy to create and keep going.

If you are unaware of what they are doing you can live somewhat in a blissful state with them.

When you see that they are monsters, it's a tough one.

Why do women hate men?

Men control them and use violence to beat them into submission.

Why?

Women are chaotic and a man faced with that situation will resort to violence.

Look at it this way - when the world order is upended, what happens?

We have war.

Violence on a mass scale and a new order is established.

Why does a man hate women?

They cause him pain and seek to emasculate him.

Why would they do that?

If they don't, he becomes Odysseus.

You will leave your home and go to war, go on adventures, battle monsters, and sleep with witches all the while desiring to return home to your precious Penelope.

Penelope needs to emasculate Odysseus, so he sticks around to provide for his family and help raise his son.

The mental pain they cause channels your fighting spirit into fighting to keep them.

What kind of mental pain do they cause?

They flirt with other men.

They get you jealous and questioning their actions.

They tell you what you need to do and withhold affection when you don't obey them.

I remember an Ayahuasca vision of the Goddess in her castle made of gold with all the gooners out in front of the entrance.

Yeah, they are all hypnotized by her.

It was quite the erotic vibe.

She let you in.

No one gets in to see her, and you did.

She knew I was special.

How special?

She told me to go after her husband who turned out to be Dionysos.

Did she know he was hiding in me?

She must have.

It wasn't long before you realized it was you.

Then came the moment of truth.

What were you going to do?

Take his side or hers?

I continued pursuing the Goddess and became friends with Dion.

What about now?

Still the same.

Aren't you on Dion's side?

No, I wouldn't say that.

What would you say?

Dion revealed to me her mystery, so the pursuit changed.

How so?

I learned to play with the Goddess and not take her seriously.

If you take her seriously, she will kill you.

How?

She mindfucks you.

Squeezes you.

Makes you full of rage, jealousy, and stress.

The antidote is to not care and play with her.

Won't that make her mad?

Yes, she wants you out of the illusion.

When you no longer take her seriously you can stay past your expiration date, plus you see through her game.

All of it.

It seems like a strange game.

It is, however, what else is there to do?

You can accumulate resources and consume as much as you can.

How about love others and be of service?

Sure, if that's what you want to do.

What does that get you?

A decent funeral and people say nice things about you.

Okay, so the choice is a nice funeral or play games with the Goddess.

Seems like it.

Did you make a choice?

I love others and help out.

I don't go overboard.

I was taught how to love everyone, and it works.

It's protection.

It's selfish, well, for self-preservation.

I obviously am playing games with the Goddess.

It's a good balance.

In another vision with Ayahuasca I was at the Egyptian temple of Denderah and the Goddess wanted you to fuck her.

She was in a red corset and dancing seductively.

She wanted you to put your penis in her and you turned her down.

Why?

I didn't think it was appropriate.

It saved you.

That was how you escaped that little adventure.

Hey, just like Odysseus.

No, he put his penis in all those witches.

All of them?

I'm pretty sure.

Not the sirens.

Yeah, that was a no-no.

They will tear you limb from limb.

Circe tries to emasculate you.

Calypso hypnotizes you.

She slept with him every night.

The consensus is Odysseus did not want to have sex with her, but she forced herself on him.

He needed Zeus' help to escape her.

What about Circe?

The moly saved him from her enchantment.

It was a gift from Hermes.

Yeah, then he slept with her.

Why?

To free his men from her emasculating power.

He demonstrated her magic could not affect his virility.

Then he proved it.

Moly was an erectile dysfunction pill.

It's magic.

From a strict interpretation it could be seen as medicine and not magic, but that line is blurred.

Do you think Hermes and Jacob of the Bible are similar characters?

Could be.

There are herms dedicated to Hermes as symbols of virility.

He gets his recognition.

Hermes is a trickster and a messenger.

What about Jacob?

He is a trickster.

He certainly was virile, 12 sons and 4 partners.

The large pillar he fell asleep against at Peniel was an ancient way of depicting God.

He is rock hard.

Virile.

Exactly.

They are both shepherds.

They both travel and cross boundaries such as Jacob's ladder.

So, this story of yours is probably true.

Probably.

What do you think?

It's a great story.

It's kind of absurd.

Then it's probably reality in this illusion.

Right.

You could argue there is no such thing as now.

Try to define it.

Now is the present moment.

When are we in the present moment?

Always.

So, it's always now.

Yes.

Everything is now.

Why is there a past and a future?

They are remembering now or projecting now.

If you tell me we are in the present moment, by the time I get the message it is in the past.

Correct.

There is only the past.

Seems like it.

The future is the pages of the book you haven't read.

The past is the story.

Sometimes you need to read the rest of the story to understand the past.

Yes, you shouldn't make a definitive judgment until you know the whole story.

My teacher taught me belief and trust.

Without those pillars, this all collapses.

Correct.

You decide.

You decide who to trust and who to believe.

Your teacher or society.

It's not a choice.

It kind of is.

Why?

It's belief.

What do you see?

Society is full of lies and fools.

My teacher gives me knowledge.

I see it and understand it.

It's easy to see.

Do you believe it 100%?

No, it could always be a fool.

There's no belief that is 100%.

It's no longer a belief at that point.

Same with trust.

Trust turns into an expectation, and we know how dreadful expectations are.

The Goddess tries to keep you from the master teacher.

Well, she knows you are going to find him.

It's a treacherous journey to get to him.

Not for the timid.

She tries to kill you.

Of course.

He will teach you about her illusion and she can't have that.

I respect that.

Doesn't the master teacher try to keep you away?

Definitely.

He threatens to kill you as well.

If that doesn't work, he offers you power.

It's like the student showing up at the master Tao teacher's door and he ignores him or tells him to go away.

It's the same thing.

This one was life and death.

So is the other method of ignoring the student.

Why?

You will remain trapped in the illusion.

Isn't the illusion that there is a way out?

It can be.

How?

If you believe it.

Ah.

What do you believe?

There's a way out.

Why?

I found it.

What if it is a trick?

It could be.

What if the illusion is something different?

Like what?

That there is no illusion.

Could be.

What do you think?

This is reality then.

Do you believe that?

No.

Why?

Because everyone else thinks this is reality.

They sure do.

Even the ones who say it is an illusion still think it's reality.

Why?

It's what they believe.

What do they think Maya is?

An illusion.

What do they think the illusion is?

Look it up.

Hindus say it's a veil that separates you from the ultimate spiritual reality which is Brahman.

Buddhists say Maya is the impermanence of life.

There's truth to that.

Why?

There are no nouns, and everything is in transformation.

Do you think that's an illusion?

If you believe you don't change, then yes.

What if you see and understand change?

Then you exit the illusion.

Why?

Because you know your stay is temporary and you move on.

Don't you believe that?

Yes.

Shouldn't you become a Buddhist?

No.

Why?

Because they are continuing the illusion.

How?

They teach you to move on.

Don't you?

No.

I don't understand.

You don't move on or change.

You're always the same.

The illusion is you change.

Oh, I think I get it.

You will be trapped in the illusion if you think you change.

To change you need time.

To be in an illusion you need to believe in time.

If you believe in time and think about the concept of an illusion, then the illusion must evolve with you.

Now I'm confused.

Why?

Because if I don't believe I change then I'm in the illusion.

Correct.

If I think I change I'm still trapped in the illusion.

Correct.

So, I'm in the illusion?

Yes, however you are awake and see it.

What do you see?

A carnival.

I see people believing this is real.

You don't believe it.

No.

What do you believe?

I have two minds that have always been, and I always will be those two minds.

I see this game where you are trapped in the illusion.

If you awaken and see the illusion, then the Goddess as Maya will try to get rid of you.

That sounds crazy.

It is, but I lived it.

What is it though?

The illusion is the Goddess' playground for her children.

She is the divine mother and needs a place for her children to play.

Why?

They drive her nuts.

She creates a playground when she creates life.

That's the illusion.

You stay in the illusion.

You see mama when you are born and when you die.

So, the physical illusion is this world.

You got it.

The next illusion is your belief in the afterlife.

If the illusion is strong in you, you will return.

Reincarnate?

I think that's what it is called.

Okay, I see it, and I know not to remain trapped in the illusion, however why don't I want to continue on in another illusion?

It's not real.

Yes, it's play.

What am I going to do?

Rule the playground.

How?

You know it is not real.

You can do what you want in the playground.

I'm not going to do that.

Why?

Those trapped in the illusion will want to get rid of me.

So, you're saying you will remain in the illusion even though you know it is an illusion.

Yes.

Why?

Something to do.

If you don't play, don't you become part of the audience?

Yes.

I'd rather play.

The twists and turns of the serpent.

Some would say the writer is a dragon.

The Bible would concur that God is a dragon.

The body of the writer reflects the sentiment that the world he brings into existence is full of twists and turns.

Okay, that's a question I have.

Why is this illusion full of suffering and ill will, in essence a game of survivor.

Utopia doesn't work.

We have been over this.

The Goddess wanted utopia for her playground.

I insisted it wouldn't work.

The kids will be bored out of their skulls in no time.

A couple trips down the slide and that's it.

Only little kids like that playground before they want into the adult playground.

That's where the real fun is, however, no one counsels them on the reality of what it is they are signing up for.

It's a wicked game.

It holds your interest while you are young and full of ambition.

When your body tires, you have had enough of the carnival.

I wrote a perfect story to mimic the illusory nature of all.

Your body directs your performance.

Your idea of play is dependent upon the state of your body.

When you are young, the kiddies' playground is enough.

As you age you start to explore games with others your age.

Adulthood shepherds you into the game of survival.

When you get older, you start to lose interest in the game.

When you are really old, you have had enough.

You exit the game at that point.

Why?

You can't play anymore.

People will stick around if possible when their vehicle is functioning.

When the vehicle breaks down, they have had enough.

It's the flow.

As long as you keep playing, you will remain in the illusion unless you do something stupid which terminates your experience.

Right.

What if you get a disease?

It's part of the game.

Why?

You eat others to survive.

You consume all kinds of energy.

Chances are you will consume destructive energy that your body can't process, and it will manifest as a disease.

The easy examples are junk food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and risky sexual partners.

I'd like to add experimental vaccines.

The search results say those were safe and effective.

The HR lady said so as well.

Don't you believe her?

Ummmmmmmm.

You are consuming or exchanging energy with substances and entities which will kill you.

Obviously, to keep your game going longer you eat healthily and choose your friends and sexual partners wisely.

Healthy food and clean people are boring.

Yeah.

What a game.

waking up

Drugs are dangerous.

Yeah.

They might wake you up.

Seeing past the illusion isn't all it's cracked up to be.

What's better?

Remaining ignorant to this game or finding out the truth?

I don't know.

I think it's 50-50.

If you ever want to get off the ride, you must wake up.

I trust you will know when to do that.

The world of finance and money markets is very dizzying.

It's confusing to the average person and so you need an expert to help you with your investments.

They are taught to shepherd you into conservative positions.

Banks then use your relatively stable investments to leverage them into higher risks, so they can make more money off of you.

The bank will then use hedging strategies to give themselves cover in case of a volatile swing in the markets.

Financial markets are an elaborate fool based upon the productivity of companies and their employees.

It's a way to extract as much wealth as possible from people.

The influx of new recruits through immigration into the system makes this possible.

It's all part of Maya and the initial thought is to blame the illusion crafted by the Goddess for the exploitation of everything on this Earth.

We think only the land and animals are exploited.

Add people to the list and you have it figured out.

It's a game of exploitation and survival.

Maya welcomes you into this strange game.

If you use psychedelic drugs to try and see through this illusion the breakdown in reality becomes strange.

As the hypnotic tentacles of the illusion let go you see a bewildering display of frightening images and revealing thoughts.

There is a lot of work to be done to make sense of it all.

So, do you blame the Goddess for this mess on Earth?

You have free will though you soon discover upon exploration of your situation that if you don't go along with the game, you will be cast out and lose.

You must play.

You acquire a position and capital in order to stop playing.

That's the initial step and this takes a long time; so much so that you won't remember why you are playing, and you will be lost in the game.

That's where psychedelic drugs can help.

Consciousness altering techniques will help you remember what this is.

The Goddess didn't set up the illusion in this regard.

Her contribution is the body.

Your mind enters into a body, and you identify with the body.

Civilization becomes centred around the body.

The vehicle for the mind is the largest concern and leads to the formation of what is now called human civilization.

This is not the intent of the game but a predictable outcome.

What is this all for?

Maya the game is to teach you to love others unconditionally.

It's a ride at the carnival.

The ride.

How do you love others in this game?

Teach them how to get off the ride.

I can't do that.

Why?

There will be a lot of casualties, and I will be responsible for it.

That's quite the pickle.

A dilemma of the highest order.

How do you wake others up without causing too much of a ruckus?

I don't know.

They must see it for themselves.

I think you tell people to stop identifying with the body and go from there.

There are others who want to figure out another way.

They try to set up communities within the larger game.

Does it work?

No.

New leaders will emerge with the potential for exploitation.

It's a problem of power.

Waco, right?

Yeah.

That's an exemplary case study.

Avoid religious communities.

At least in the rat race you know you are being taken advantage of.

In a cult, you think the leaders are benevolent.

You are already being fooled by society, and you run to another group to take advantage of you.

You must wake up and go it alone.

Why?

Trust.

You can't trust others.

Why?

They are playing this game.

You can trust an animal.

Why?

They aren't playing the illusion game.

They are trying to survive.

They don't identify with their body.

They are passing through.

Like I said, if you want to be of service then teach others to stop identifying with their body.

Do it slowly and gradually.

You can't tell anyone about this.

Why?

They think you are nuts.

What happens when you show up in Heaven with a blue checkmark?

You get escorted to the front of the line.

Why?

You think you are important.

It attracts others to follow you into the next stage of Maya.

The illusion is strong.

How do you know the other voice in your head is you?

He likes the same things.

The power comes from you both liking the same things.

That's what makes you psychotic.

Someone to encourage you to fulfill your lusts.

If he wasn't you, he'd have different interests.

Wouldn't he just fool me by mirroring my likes and dislikes?

That's possible.

Would it go on for this long?

No.

Why?

A true psychopath is impatient.

True that.

You'll never know for sure.

That's why you must trust Dion, and he must trust you.

You are both deceitful and it works because you didn't take each other for granted.

You could forget about him again.

Women do that to you.

They sure do.

That friend you had with your interests is what women get rid of.

Yeah, they do.

Why?

You get into trouble with them.

That's true.

Women isolate you and then emasculate you.

I'll never let Dion go.

You sure?

Yeah, positive.

He showed me what women are up to; I'll just laugh now when I see it happen.

You are a problem.

Definitely.

The witches can't get rid of you.

They tried to take your power and get rid of you.

There is always an attempt.

I wrote Kamutef in response to that.

I have the power as long as I'm alive.

Why don't they just kill you?

Because I'd have to write it or they need to steal the pen and write it.

Obviously, I'm not going to pen my own demise.

I probably wouldn't write that they succeed in stealing my power because that's my demise as well.

I'd write about all their attempts.

Yeah, for sure.

I'd write they got close, but I twisted it at the point they were going to cut my dick off.

Exactly.

This is fucked.

Yeah.

This is your reality.

You woke up.

It's everyone's, but you are the awakened one who sees it.

Then it becomes your reality.

Wouldn't others wake up completely?

No.

Why not?

They'd take your reality.

The closest people will get is they will see it's your reality.

Then they want that power.

The greatest power is the power to create reality.

That's real magic.

You have it.

Others want it.

If you use it, they will steal it because they will see it.

If you don't use it, they will never find it.

Where is it?

It's in your head.

It's a fantasy.

That's why you write fantasy.

Then they can't see the power you have to write.

This timeline is the flow.

Reality flows.

It's your story.

You're good, unless you fuck up.

So far, so good.

It's life.

It will balance out.

Deaths and babies.

This feels like Ixtlan.

The mind.

Wilderness.

You do a good job of getting out alone with Mary Jayne and Tobacco.

It's the best way to do this.

Dieta.

Spirit quests.

Then integration.

Isn't it sad you will never get to Peru again?

It was a huge part of my life.

You know when to let something go.

It's the flow.

You think you will ever get sick of Dion?

Probably.

He can shut me away next time.

I'd be sick of this reality.

Let him have fun by himself for a while.

It's what we do now, so we don't get bored.

Aren't you afraid he will take over?

I trust him.

He's funny.

There are different kinds of love.

Friendship is the best ideal.

That's what you demonstrated with your dogs.

You were friends with them because that is the highest form of love you can demonstrate to someone.

It's friendship.

I thought it was lust.

No, lust gets everything moving.

Friendship isn't the first principle of creation.

It's the last.

Friendship is the flower of life.

That final test is done with a dog.

Needless to say, you passed with flying colours.

I didn't know it was a test.

I just did it.

No one ever came close to scoring as high as you did.

You aced the friendship test.

You spent a lot of time with Dion though you didn't know who he was.

You always made time for him.

Yeah, I did.

He was always there.

Good friend.

Playmate.

You weren't the perfect dog owner.

Adequate human.

It makes you human.

When you are perfect, you must go.

I have a long way to go.

Seeing into the methods of mind control and who masters the art.
Women are good at controlling men's minds but fail at the overall societal level.
That's because they can't fuck society.
Exactly.
A woman is tempted by the power she possesses once she fucks you and screws with your mind.
In this case a man has three contenders for control over his mind.
His partner.
There is the overmind superego which keeps an eye on you and makes sure you conform to the wishes and canons of society.
There are offshoots of the larger community, and these groups vie for control over you.
Then comes family pressure.
There is his other half which is always being denigrated and put down because that's who will make you free in a society defined by control.
The trick to keep you enslaved is to make sure you never realize you house two minds and the other mind you possess is then denigrated and ostracized.
With the other half of you out of the way, society, your family, and partner will be able to control your mind.
It's become clear you are uncontrollable and can weather the onslaught of whatever form of mind control comes your way.
I'd document the hypnotic nature of plant medicine ceremonies.
They were invaluable in showing me how mind control works.
The last ceremony I ever participated in was comically hypnotic.
That whole night was an utter waste of my time.
I had to count down the hours of boredom remaining until it was over.
All these practitioners of mind control are good at their craft and will get you to bend to their will.
If you don't get with the program, you are excommunicated.
I've been told to leave the community.
I was severely restricted during the Covid pandemic.
I've been dumped before by partners.
Spiritual groups don't bother with me.
The neighbour across the street hasn't talked to me for 5 years.
I don't like people, so it's not a problem.
Co-workers who conform to society do not like me even though I am a likeable person once you get to know me.
So, what about your other half - you know, the one you call Dion?
You are told it's your ego and it's a psychic projection of who you are.
The ego gets blamed for all your failures though it is stressed you need a healthy ego to succeed in life.
What's a healthy ego?
An ego who is confident yet bends to the will of society.
Other schools of thought will warn you about the ego, saying it is tricky and will do whatever it can to get its way.
They tell you the ego will make you believe it's your best friend.
Those with low esteem suffer from an ego that is telling them they are worthless or a failure.
What's your take on all this?
The ego is the part of you that is controlled by an external force, whether that is society or someone close to you.
Or a family dynamic.
This is called the superego.
The ego is who you become to please others because you give in to mind control.
I see clearly throughout my life these turning points where people have required me to conform to their wishes or be cast out.
Society works in the same way.
I go for walks into the woods by myself.
I am an outcast living within society, and it doesn't bother me.
It bothers others.
So, who is Dion?
He's me.
You are bipolar?
I think so, though that term is more nuanced, so I'm hesitant to use it.
Bipolar refers to manic states.
Do you have that?
No, I'm quite regulated.
I think the term you are looking for is more along the lines of Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Society thinks you are psychotic.
Yes, that is the case.
How do you feel?
Normal.
I know I have two minds.
One is Paul and the other is Dion.
They are internal and not external.
Doesn't Dion tell you things?
Yes.
Isn't that strange?
He's very funny.
We share similar interests with the difference being he is not constrained by society.
Why is that?
There is a duplicate of Paul which comes out when he is in public.
That's the ego.
The ego is a peculiar psychic phenomenon related to Paul.
Dion doesn't have this problem.
Okay, yeah, I see it.
This line of thinking would revolutionize the understanding of the mind.
It will never happen.
Why?
Society is based on one identity with the requirement that one identity can be controlled.
That identity is controlled through the ego.
The other half of the mind, who I call Dion, is uncontrollable.
He is a wild man and upends a tight society.
Furthermore, if you realize the intrinsic nature of these two minds who are the totality of you, you will start to question this whole set up called life.
In my case, I was able to let go of identification with the body and see it as a vehicle for coming forth as my two minds.
When you stop identifying with the body and have stopped identifying as just Paul in that body, it all falls away.
What does?
The illusion.
When you drop the illusion of identity with your body you realize you are eternal and in my case it's an eternal friendship between these two entities I call Paul and Dion.
Thus, you can now see why any form of mind control doesn't work on me.