teacher plants and enchantment

The first thing I noticed about the master plant teachers is how hypnotic and enchanting the ceremony can be at times. This circumstance set off alarm bells in my head as I was pretty wary of being put under a spell and I thus fought it on and off for nine Ayahuasca ceremonies until I finally learned to let go. The first time I ever drank was a pretty special occasion and I noticed immediately how enchanting the plants can be. The mystery and allure of the ceremony was strong and after a few hours I kind of wanted off the ride for the night, as I had lost control, and I didn’t like that part of the experience. Overall it was so profound I knew I’d be back for more. The second time I drank was so strange and had a sinister feeling to it. The hypnotic trance confusion was off the charts and to this day six years later I can barely describe it and I have a hard time reforming the perception of it in my mind's eye. It frankly escapes capture by memory or words. The only thing that jars it back into my consciousness is if I drink Ayahuasca and I follow the darkness. The feeling returns and then I remember. This happened more than once and I would try and leave myself notes within the ceremony to not drink Ayahuasca again because of this darkness. I eventually moved past this block after finally heeding the advice of the maestro to not engage the mind, stay in the heart, and to just listen to the plants. I had to do it my way though and take a bunch of knocks to the head before heeding the knowledge and instruction given to me. It’s a wonder I stayed with it because any sane person would have tapped out and said enough of this. This isn’t fun. Something however kept me going. You know when I finally made it through to the other side of this darkness it was an incredible feeling of accomplishment and a great achievement in my life for which I am forever grateful. I mean the strength, courage, and perseverance I showed to get to that level was something I didn’t think I had in me.

Last month when I spent a night alone in the desert with the master plant teacher Peyote, I was able to revisit this darkness from a detached point of view, examine it, and let it go. It is a good example of what I experienced that night with Peyote as the teachings were very no nonsense and straight forward, showing me how I reacted to the situation, engaged my mind, and then spun the whole encounter. I was the one who assigned it the context of fear and wanted to run from my dark side. I had wanted to explore my dark side and when given that opportunity I ran, which then instigated some serious soul searching within and a journey to conquer my fears through cultivating strength and courage. In the immediate chaos of the experience I faced the decision to fight or flight. I chose flight, I ran, and then in retreat had a decision to make. Do I spend the rest of my life a coward or do I get up off the mat and face my inner demons?

I recently had an epiphany on the way to work. The second time I drank Ayahuasca, the dark and hypnotic ceremony, I also encountered this strange being. I went down into the visionary subterranean realms and came across this darkness. He was sleepy, sitting cross legged in a lotus position, had a thin moustache, and when he spoke it came spatially from my left and he said “Apollo, Apollo, Apollo” in a whispered tone. It freaked me the fuck out and I ran. It was the quintessential WTF moment! The feeling just prior to coming into contact with this being was a weaving of a magic spell designed to confuse so you couldn’t easily find your way back to this strange place. Above me was this spinning of what I think were the four symbols of a deck of cards in this green and off pink environment. It was a realm designed to stay hidden but I was allowed in for a peek, though afterwards I was pretty adamant I didn’t want to go back to that place where my darkness resided. Let’s put the lid back on it! Actually nothing sinister happened during this visit. The fear I conjured up all by myself as a reaction to coming face to face with what I called my dark side. The next ceremony another malevolent being I did come into contact with and I have always conflated it with the being that manifested in the second ceremony. I guess it is because my intention was to come into contact with my dark side and so I did in the second ceremony but my dark side is the obfuscated part of me that is a trickster, demands to play or makes you suffer outburst of uncontrollable passions and vices, and is the great actor. Referencing the four suits in a deck of cards I finally figured out this entity is the joker in the pack and basically the joker is the pot stirrer, the one who creates and moves the play along when things get too comfortable. We all try to build a life that eliminates the nasties, but this game doesn’t work in that way. I had no reason to be afraid of my dark side; I just chose to be. I brought it upon myself because I wanted to believe it was scary when thinking back now I did not need to react the way I did.

I think why the ceremonies are hypnotic is part of a lesson. You see the greatest spell upon us all is the culture spell and the only hope to break free of that spell is to demonstrate to you how enchantment works. So the plants enchant you, challenge you, and if you are strong you move past it. If you run from or bury this knowledge, then it owns you. Through this experience you then see how society has done the same and you see through the bullshit. You laugh and are incredulous at the things people fall for. It’s funny, if not tragic.