tell the truth

Life is one big game of obfuscation and denial, creating a story and character in order to deflect the prying eyes of the judge we all contain within us and externally manifest as culture. Our story hides us from our truth. The judges within society want to see behind the curtain to determine what makes me tick however it’s the same thing that makes them tick. They just live in denial and also have created a persona to bury their lusts, though eventually all comes up to the surface and desires have to be met. Why would I be different? I want to go to church so I can sit there and laugh. Look at all the phony holy and righteous. Wow. What did you do in your life that you aren’t so proud of? So much so, you think you needed to be saved. Why not admit you’re a scoundrel? We all are potential reprobates. If we lay those cards on the table at the beginning of the game then we’d understand each other better and we could get down to creating way more pleasure than the pain we materialize.

My plant medicine journeys definitely have revealed to me the casino nature of life and how this is the big game of chance, skill, and rewards. I had no idea what I was seeing during an early vision of the hypnotic nature of existence and I still find it very mysterious however when I sank down into my depths I remember seeing spinning representations of the four suits in a deck of cards. Everything was hypnotic, sketchy, and there was a definite unease running through the experience. I ended up in the lair of a demon who proceeded to scare the shit out of me and I ran. I didn’t even know where I was running to but just had to do the flight thing because fight was definitely not in the cards. The rest of the night was a thorough beatdown, drumming into me what a degenerate I was and how I played the game well and kept all my carnal lusts and desires hidden. One day, all my secrets would be revealed and being a libertine, I’m destined to die miserable and alone.

We all do the dance, so, it’s not like I’m someone special in that regard and the script is probably interchangeable. It was only when I learned to tell the truth that I was able to reconcile my perceived deviancy. The best advice I have ever received in this regard came from Ram Dass via his guru Maharaji: “Love all and tell the truth.” Loving all enables within the power of love and allows you to understand the enormous power that is within your form. You have no idea of your personal power however there are two relatively easy paths towards feeling that power within and love is one of them. I invite you to love all and experience it, even if temporary. Telling the truth allows you to drop the narrative of self. There is only so far you can get on the spiritual path without embracing truth. The story you tell about yourself in essence strips away the omnipotent power within and you can’t see it because you sacrificed it to play a character. When you start practicing telling the truth, doors to the unknown become unlocked and knowledge is exponentially increased. The astute adherent then has an easy time understanding the knowledge. It’s pretty awesome. I won’t give the show away but instead point you towards these words of advice to love all and tell the truth.

To successfully embark upon the path of liberation requires one to tell the truth. The truth about how you feel and the truth about yourself. Your feelings are never wrong; they may be morally or culturally deviant however it is an accurate barometer of self. The flip side is feelings can be manipulated by culture and others so thus the need for liberation in order to re-discover self. When one hears of someone going on a journey to find themselves this is essentially what they are trying to get at. We tell little stories, which are fancy lies, about ourselves all the time in order to fit in and be consistent. We allow others to control our narrative and we are expected to conform to their expectations. If we do not play along or slip up we are said to be acting out of character. In some instances, one is sent away for psychiatric help or counselling in order to return them to the performance that everyone can count on. That actor is a stooge in someone else’s play. The drama and your part is being written for you. How about you become the writer, director, and actor of your own play? That’s where liberation comes in.

To fully go into the path of liberation involves embracing duality. Embracing duality allows you to separate yourself from others, culture, and the stories you tell about yourself. The separation allows you to live in truth which in turn allows you to sit with who you are. Seeing everything as separate allows you to objectify all. Everyone is an independent being, including the trees and animals. From this state of seeing everything as separate you can then start to let it go one by one. This is where the love of the Goddess comes in and you start the process of tempering your newfound liberation with love which will pull you back towards unity. Instead of dutifully repeating the grand spiritual narrative of oneness, you start from the beginning and see we are all connected which naturally leads to duality falling away. You have liberated yourself and realized in truth everyone you see is you. At first, it’s quite the paradox, however, it is a necessary exercise in order to get to the crux of the mystery.

Do it, go full on into the right-hand path of the individual to the point of pathology where you are so involved in the separation and delineation of self you shine the brightest light possible upon your existence. The self you define splinters and becomes many selves. In fact, we already know we have many iterations of self that we subdivide into our personality traits. Overdose on self! Then you will see the transitory nature of the character you play. The character is real but is ever changing and thus cannot be defined. The only definition I’m sure of regarding form is the verb transformation which means change. It’s what we do. It’s so curious that the form provided by the Goddess is constantly changing in order to stay biologically alive. The pulse of energy is decelerated by the love of the feminine into form and while in form the masculine power creates ego because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I want to be in a unified form yet also be separate and free! So, the answer is to first go all the way and become free and from the position of liberation invite back in unity and temper your freedom with love.

Liberation is the first step, not love. Free yourself before learning to love. Going into love as the first step prevents you from discovering just whom you really are. Seeking liberation eventually allows you to see you are inseparable from everything and this mystery is the flow of the eternal energy of the divine feminine and masculine coming forth. Liberation will lead to a unity that is tempered by the love of the Goddess.

Going into love as the first step on the spiritual path will suck you into a vortex you will never escape. Liberation will allow you to see those who will suck you in. This is because you want to see the good in others and blinders have been placed on your early warning system. There are many on the path who present themselves as wanting to help and will offer to teach. They will invite you into their world. They are magicians. You can only see it if you are liberated. Following your heart will lead you to these people who weave magic spells and will collect you as a follower. So many are easily seduced and it’s usually pretty benign. Most shamans fall into this category of being a magician as they are creating an aura and persona that is designed to collect you as a follower to which at some point they will take advantage of that relationship. It’s the tried and true human behaviour which has been going on for centuries. A good example of this collecting behaviour is social media. It’s a hangout for magicians who are weaving spells through their words and pictures trying to invite you into their world to become a follower. There’s a hit of egoistic pleasure and power that us humans get from acquiring views, followers, positive comments - negative comments are not welcome as they could break the spell. In essence, it’s all a con. It’s the same behaviour on the spiritual path, whether you choose plant medicines, a religion, a discipline, or a guru and I’d estimate the majority of people you run into playing the part of spiritual guide are doing just this. It’s inviting to try out this method of enchantment if you know you have the power. The spiritual novices are lost and bewildered and when initially taking up the path they are looking for help and a teacher to look up to. For the spiritual magician, it's easy to exchange knowledge for prestige and be placed on a pedestal which leads to the seeker being seduced into becoming a follower. It’s something to look out for when at first you follow your heart because it’s so easy to be trapped on the spiritual path by someone, as you naturally want to trust and find the good in people. The spiritual path draws only good people, right?

So, what I’m saying is the first stop on the spiritual path is liberation. Free yourself from culture and others. Get in touch with yourself because within you will find all the answers you are looking for. I know that is cliché where you always look externally for answers first before exhausting that path and finding all you need was within. However, it’s true! Looking externally finds religion, spiritual paths, history, and myth which is useful however eventually you go full circle and see it’s all within.

I can tell you to first become liberated but no one will take me up on that advice. You're going to go to others and have them solve your problems for you. Looking within is where you are going to end up and you’ll save yourself a lot of time and energy if you liberate yourself and glimpse at the answers waiting for you.

There are two plant medicines that are really good at helping you discover the power that is within you when you are ready. For a full-on immersion there is nothing like Huachuma. For the seeker with an intention, Huachuma unleashes the power within and you will vibrate with an intense power. At first, it’s quite unnerving to discover this however when you later examine the process you see you have buried within this immense power. If you stay on that path of discovery you will come to intimately know the power and realize it emanates from you and not someone else, not from the cactus, or from some other external source. From a physical standpoint it is such a great teaching, as you physically realize the great power you hold that has been buried within you for so long is now liberated. A subtler take on this experience of power is with Mapacho. While out in nature with the tobacco maestro, a smoke will cause central nervous system agitation. You will feel within the rising power. It’s a good way to integrate a Huachuma experience as it allows access to the power felt with Huachuma but at a level that allows you to process the experience and connect the dots. Those two plant medicines really help with the path of liberation because once you know of the power within you do not need to look externally for answers or give away your personal power to anyone else.

In my experience, I was lucky to meet the maestro don Howard and make no mistake he was a magician. If you ever saw him in a Huachuma ceremony he would blow you away with his mastery. It would be pretty easy to become enchanted by him but he maintained a hands-off approach where he’d teach and send you on your way. I went on my way and tried to maintain contact. Once in a while, you’d get a response but for the most part you were dropped in the deep end of the pool and had to figure out how to swim. It was a healthy distance to prevent dependence. Deep within, I knew it was the way, as he is getting you to internally look for answers. Upon returning to his place, there would be a two-week intensive and off you go. He didn’t want to collect you and if you wished to return he was very grateful but no pressure. I was fortunate because I didn’t get sucked into any enchantment or devotion to any place.

Once you are free from culture and the spells others are trying to put on you, life and games we play become quite funny. You stand back and see what others are doing and you want to caution people. You listen to others but don’t fall for their outreach. Live your own life. Being liberated allows you to open your heart and have love and compassion for all without getting trapped in others' drama or be sucked in by the enchanter trying to draw you into their story and collect you.