hero slays the dragon

Western civilization owes much to the ancient Greeks and thus their culture is celebrated within our institutions of higher learning. To this day, we still crank out graduates well versed in the classics. Similarly, the mystery of ancient Egypt strikes a chord in a great deal of aspiring academics and thus we have the discipline of Egyptology. There’re a lot of Egyptologists. Reverence for the past and trying to understand our human history is indeed noble. I never formally studied these disciplines unless you count a grade 8 field trip to see the treasures of Tutankhamun. Anyway, I write this introduction as a way of explaining I have no formal training; instead, a curiosity. I have delved deeper into ancient Egyptian lore with an emphasis on their myths. The imperial and dynastic drama is interesting but all too human. I’m interested in the goddesses and the gods.

Academic disciplines and the use of psychedelic drugs are at odds. The exploration of the mind isn’t well-disciplined nor something easily mapped therefore while the field of psychology can explore through the alteration of chemicals impacting one’s grasp of reality, there is no way to mix this modality of exploration with the hard disciplines. Unfortunately, this means academics leave a lot of knowledge on the table when it comes to understanding the spiritual lives of these ancient civilizations.

I am fascinated by the oracle at Delphi. I think it’s now a given that the Pythia was receiving her Apollyon gifts of prophecy through some kind of mind-altering vapour coming up through the fissures in the convergence of tectonic plates at this temple. Similarly, at Eleusis was the imbibing of the kykeon, which was a psychedelic mixture that enabled the experiencing of the mystery. Lately, what has fascinated me about Delphi is that during the spring and summer months of light in its ascendance and then plenitude, Apollo was the god celebrated at the temple. However, as the season changed to autumn and winter drew near, the god Dionysos and his followers would reclaim the sacred grounds. A rational study easily concludes Apollo is the god of light and Dionysos is representing the chthonic underworld with a connection to Hades and thus this cultural structure is mirrored and represented at Delphi.

I guess I can now say I’ve taken a lot of drugs and the years have passed where the knowledge I gained from these experiences has evolved into understanding. I’ve always been very curious about what I have experienced in mind-altering states with the polarity of light and dark always being at the forefront. The darkness was always my go to and to get to the light was a struggle. Ultimately, they are lessons of heaven and hell and your choice of where you want to hang out. My cultural background implores me to head to the light and thus my early explorations were intent upon burying the darkness and embracing the light. The constant darkness was a challenge and eventually I became very curious about it and started to explore the reason why I was always presented with the darkness. I am thankful I didn’t fully bury it before coming to an understanding.

Life is duality; it's plain to see. The light and the dark. We make the world come alive through objectification. Everything has its opposite polarity. We create new life through the polarities of feminine and masculine coming together.

I’m a night owl and much prefer nocturnal activities to daybreak. I’ve never been a morning person and in my youth the mornings would drag while the evening would bring a rush of energy. The external manifestation of my preference for the night is mimicking my psychological state of mind. I like living in the shadows and moving around in the darkness. The occult speaks to me and I’m a mystic at heart. I tried coming forth into the light. I can shine as bright as anyone but alas no, not for me. I leave that for others.

I found the most interesting and complex characters within the darkness. My muse, the Great Goddess, was imprisoned in the darkness. Her captor and husband, the dragon, is fascinating. He teaches an unparalleled life course and transformation goes through him. A hero is no hero without becoming a warrior and this means slaying the dragon. That’s the invite. Go ahead and slay the dragon. I’ll wait.

How’d it go?

There are so many twists and turns upon this path of the hero.

You never slay the dragon. Instead, you slowly realize he is the master teacher. You look back and see the outcome was never assured or written in stone. It was much in doubt and potentially lethal. You see now why the Goddess didn’t want you to do it; she knew of the coming tribulation.

Slowly, the dragon reveals himself. The ultimate alpha male, your father, and a teacher of no compare. When you finally understand this, in essence witnessing a superhero unmasking his identity, you can look back upon the journey and see it really does make sense. Meet the Goddess - she is love. Meet God - he is the ultimate warrior and ready to teach his son the way of the warrior even if he has to kill him. Who else would this all-powerful masculine mystery be? It’s funny I didn’t see it for the longest time yet now I’m like duh, of course.

methodology

The sub-culture of psychedelic users is a fascinating study. I’m not of the joining type so I don’t seek out fellow explorers or join clubs and I tend to keep the community at arm’s length. I prefer to go it alone and keep the outside influences to a minimum. This is my predicament and I’m not championing it above what is calling out to another. However, I do have to remain true to myself.

One of the constants in the use of mind-altering substances is the importance of set and setting. Set is the condition of the one who is going to undergo the experience and setting is where the alteration of consciousness will take place. The set-up is to ensure your papers are in order so that you will have a good trip. We all want rainbows and unicorns. The bad trip into the darkness where you scare yourself silly and have to run from the Devil is somewhat mitigated.

Ever wonder why there is the continual threat of the bad trip? Could it be that the alteration of consciousness is trying to tell you something? Instead of following the rabbit into the labyrinth of the hidden darkness, we develop strategies that lead us towards the bright light of the higher self; a light so blinding we don’t have to deal with our darkness.

In my experience, that is precisely the reason we focus on set and setting. We are intrigued with inner exploration yet we don’t want to deal with all of it, just the good parts. I remember being so thoroughly beaten up as I counted in my first twelve Ayahuasca journeys that three of them were positive and uplifting and the other nine started out within a deep darkness that the majority of the time remained for the whole night. I was tempted many times to give up the exploration of consciousness through psychedelics because going into this darkness was so difficult and upsetting. I wanted smiles and sunshine and to hang out with the fully realized beings who could teach me to be enlightened just like them and instead I was being continually pummelled.

Would I trade the way this all came about if I could? No. It has been perfect. It’s what I wanted in the deep recesses of my soul. Would I want to go through this fire again? Hell, no! My current incarnation seems similar to the process of consciousness exploration that is unfolding.

So, what I’m questioning is the conventional wisdom in regards to when and where you can alter your consciousness. Obviously, a safe place is a must however I’d be interested in cataloguing the effects of certain environments upon the trip. It is a curious happenstance that I have met beings made of love and light who were basically housed in an old warehouse containing a freight elevator, rusted out plumbing, and the sound of dripping water. This also seems like a good place to have an experience with friends.

Psychedelics help you shed identity and reveal your true nature, if you let them. You have to let go of attachments and prejudices to get to the root of self. It becomes clear who you think you are is a cultural latex wrap enveloping something so much greater.

Psychedelics are just one way to the truth. A method is a method. You find what works for you. Meditation. Psychedelics. Darkness retreats. Religion. Extreme exertion. Breath work. Drumming/Trance. The method gets you in. In combination with the method is figuring out why you think you need a method along with understanding just what you are seeking.

My method is psychedelics because they put me face to face with the mystery. The peculiar thing about their use is I don’t get the answers I’m searching for while using them. Psychedelics give me knowledge but usually I don’t understand it. Over the following few months is when I am gifted understanding of what I experienced in combination with a profound remembering.

The understanding comes to me while not on the drug. The intensive experience gives me enough homework for at least six months though I’m constantly referencing experiences from years ago. I did two mushroom trips last December and now a few months later I’m starting to unravel the bequeathed knowledge. I had my initial takeaways from the trip but as I further examined them and prejudices fell away, I got to their core. I see clearly now what they were teaching me and once I gave up my attachment to who I wanted to be, everything fell into place. I started to see cracks in my narrative a few weeks back and then all of a sudden, the dam burst and I got it. It’s a fascinating process.

And that’s why I would suggest you find a method that works for you. A meditator meditates daily and gradually works their way into the inner sanctum. I take drugs and head straight for the buffet however I only gorge myself once or twice over a six-month period. The rest of the time I’m fasting. I do practice my own form of meditation however it’s not the western style. My meditation consists of daily hikes in the forest along with a nightly ritual at my Mesa after communing with sacred tobacco. This puts me in the space we are seeking.

When I first tried psychedelic drugs they scared me. They also made me very curious. Once I got past the fear, I wanted to do them a lot. I didn’t because my drug of choice was fortuitously a long way away; so, instead, I travelled once a year to the Amazon jungle to do them. This worked out in my favour so I didn’t become one who piles ceremony upon ceremony without ever integrating the experiences because if I had access to them I would have followed the love of ceremony trajectory. Now that I’m experienced with these tools I find I want to do them less and less. I still find them fascinating and a wellspring to explore. I have access to magic mushrooms and could do them every weekend if I wanted however I don’t feel that pull. A couple times a year seems about right.

motel at the crossing

I sense that I may finally be ready. Ready for what? To walk the path of the heart in earnest. It has something to do with desire fulfillment; in essence getting my fill. The process had to play out to its completion and I had to repeatedly make a choice in what path I wished to follow. There have been multiple forks in the road which required a choice. For instance, with plant medicines I had to choose between the right-hand path of elevating the self and becoming a spiritual leader of renown or taking the dull left-hand path, doing the work, and becoming of service. For the most part, the narcissist within is not a problem and therefore I do not seek fame. I prefer to remain anonymous, get my alone time in the forest, and let my actions speak for me. Don Howard would tell us to allow our light to shine. There's no need for a hype man or to acquire followers.

I parked my vehicle at this intersection of choice for a while because I wasn't ready to make the commitment. I'd do a day trip along the path of the heart but would always return to the motel at the crossing. I still wanted to get more of the carnival so I'd pack my bags and venture off into the funhouse for more of the pleasure hit. After the last candy apple, I'd get a stomach ache and return to my room. I'd remember the path of the heart and as Ram Dass would say, "Get my Bkahti hit." My spiritual practice would be invigorated because I drained myself of the material impulse.

I haven't been ready to commit to either path. I enjoyed my time waffling on the edge while the hidden magician within would tempt with more rides. Looking back, I clearly see the temptations and at the time I was aware of the consequences. I never took the last step. If I would have taken that step I would have fucked up my game! I wouldn't have been able to find my way back to the motel. The point was being made that I wasn't ready to make a choice and I had to come to the natural conclusion of desire fulfillment. The magician has been kind to me, knowing when to withdraw the temptation. I'm human and everyone has their breaking point so I know he'd take me to the edge and let me peer into the abyss. The situation would then resolve after I made my choice and I'd go back to my lonely room. I know I purposely seek out temptations in order to get a material hit and remind me I still got it; not being sure what "it" really is. That's the thing about the human predicament. We want to be wanted and to know we are worthy, so we seek out the validation in others who are curiously fighting the same battle.

As a teenager and a young adult, I enjoyed going to the amusement park and going on the rides. Nightclubs were exciting and staying up all night was fun as well. Eventually, we grow older and tire of those thrills and move on to different pastimes which allow us to get to bed before midnight! The same paradigm seems to be at work in the spiritual journey when there comes a point that the choice can be made because the love of the carnival just naturally falls away. My last few trips to the carnival have been pretty short. I'll always have a fondness for the water log ride but in the end, it isn't any more worth the trouble. I do feel the desire waning for the thrill. I never thought I’d get to this point in my life.

I know of the path of the heart and the bliss entailed by walking the trail. I've never followed it for long; always turning back after a few days and returning to the comforts of my lonely room. I'm ready for a long adventure and more importantly I am curious about what I will discover. I've done the work on self and the last few years of forced reconciliation of self has been a tremendous boon for self-knowledge. The path of the heart is inviting me to explore and it's a very exciting opportunity. I've never felt this way before; always viewing the path of the heart as dull and a form of resignation of life. I get the feeling the dull and lifeless entrance is a facade. It keeps the pretenders away.

This has been a tough lesson. I stand ready yet I still want one more trip to the carnival. For sure the duration is becoming shorter and shorter. I step into the circus ring and already I want to leave and go back to the motel.

Time will tell if I truly am ready. The lesson of the light and the darkness within me are ending and I know from experience I will shortly write the exam. When you are ready, the curriculum is accelerated. I remember when I wrote the courage and bravery exam it was shortly after I displayed the necessary amount to be successful in the hero's journey. There was no waiting around and basking in my up-levelling. Instead, within no time I had to write the final exam and get ready for the next lesson. The same scenario is now unfolding. I've completed the lesson of the two brothers within this container of self and the heart lessons await. Let's get to it!

chicken or egg

A night time wayfarer I am. The intentional use of the masculine mapacho tobacco with the feminine mugwort potentiates the dreaming. Every night I go to bed and fire up the projector. The projectionist has a huge library of flicks to choose from and I let them surprise me. There’re adventures, love stories, tragedy, and at times the 1-star films that are going nowhere.

I was having a 1-star dream last night, sure to be panned by critics and movie-goers alike. It was the first movie of the night; you know the vivid dreams that happen as you cross the threshold into the hypnosis of sleep. My pattern is usually I awake about an hour and a half to two hours in and can recall the dream fairly easily at this point. It is amazing that the ideal length for a Hollywood movie is between 90 minutes to 2 hours. Think about that fact! The hypnosis wears off around the two hour mark and we get restless. So, this one had a lot of peripheral dialogue and no action. What I fully realized last night was that waking up ends the dream and for the most part, when I return to sleep I will dream a new dream.

I experienced this same course of action with magic mushrooms where I would create visionary world after visionary world and could leave each creation by opening my eyes. When I would close them, I would conjure a new world. I assigned the activity to the mushroom and didn't think critically about it. Three months later it dawned on me that I smoked tobacco and drank mugwort tea prior to ingesting mushrooms. The mushroom was the catalyst for putting me into a hypnotic dream state where I remained awake and then my two allies proceeded to create world after world. I was oblivious to the understanding of what was happening until now.

So, what to make of it? I had a dream a few years ago that fingered tobacco as the creator of this world. The dream involved this favourite store of mine when I was a child called "Playtime." The store contained all the toys that excited the growing mind as well as the rare and exotic candy not normally found at the corner store. In the dream I went to the back of the store and found a huge log of tobacco and wondered if I smoke the whole thing would I propel myself into a never-ending dream? What was being revealed by this dream was the ingestion of the plant triggers the mind to enter into a state where we start to create worlds of thought. Ultimately, we do it - the we in this case being the one who becomes the many. Through tobacco we make it all happen and we of course give tobacco a prominent place in our dream world. Tobacco is truly the master plant and I see now with clarity he gives this world the juice needed to continue on. We ingested a shit ton of the plant which put us into this deep sleep. When you become a friend of tobacco and reverently use the gift he provides, you little by little profoundly alter your consciousness. One day you realize how much he has taught you and in the process of waking up there is this understanding that he enabled your dream and he also woke you up in your dream.

My intellect was satisfied with the lesson of the dream as taught because I have always wondered what came first, the chicken or the egg? When you enter into the dream-state and conjure worlds out of nothing, everything just appears as is. It's so funny that of course this is the answer. How about those ancient Egyptian pyramids? Wow! We really did a number on our self!

Certainly, by now, I can easily put two and two together. Worlds are created through mentation and then we trap ourselves in these creations for fun, sport, and adventure. To escape a world of our own making is to wake up. The use of words and phrases are a subconscious phenomenon in that deep down we know the answers and what it is we are seeking, though our conscious self may just be bumbling through life. This bubbles up to the surface in language and a cursory look at spiritual paths puts you onto the game where they all talk about "waking up” even if they don’t realize the deep-seated implications of this course of action.

This world is truly a dream.