state of no mind

Life rolls along and my spiritual journey rolls with it. When the heat was turned up way back in 2013 and I faced a healthy dollop of fear, I didn’t think things would ever compare to what I faced. The fear was direct and tangible from which I had to spend almost a year recovering. I learned self-mastery because of walking through the fire and then like all fallible mortals, I let the mastery slide. However, when faced with the challenge, I rose to the occasion and got past my fear, which of course was a necessity if I wished to continue enrolled in the master class.

Once I sailed on past fear, I started to experience some things that were new to me. I encountered this feeling of cosmic love, which engulfed me. The love was bliss, yet so strange. Never had I felt this way before, and it was clear love was the answer and the way to live our lives. I wasn't at the point in the course where I was to walk the path of the heart back home; instead, I was given a taste of what is to come. I still thirsted for knowledge, and I had to reconcile with my darkness, all before walking home.

The great gift of meditation or any modality that quiets the mind is in the process of becoming pure awareness. Stopping the spin puts you into the state of pure consciousness. Subsequently, you can engage the mind and see you'll never walk the path of the heart through the mind. Aha! That's how I will find the way back home. The state of mind flipped to the state of no mind. Did you know that the Quechua word for Huachuma, the sacred cactus of the Andes, means “no head”. It is said the cactus gives you the keys to heaven. Pretty good clue!

Ram Dass tells a story about his guru Maharaji-ji telling him to "Love all and tell the truth." This sent him for a mental loop because the truth was he didn't love everybody. The teaching was at odds with what he perceived and caused a mental meltdown. Love all and tell the truth is a master kōan. The design of the request is meant to force you to tie yourself up in a mental knot trying to achieve spiritual mastery. For sure, if I'm enlightened, I have to love all and tell the truth. The dissonance between the truth and reality that you don't love everyone is a pretty tough swallow and deep down we all know we are spiritual frauds because this one is the showstopper.

The heart course requires you to experientially learn the lessons. The mind spins and creates falsehoods. As long as you engage the mind, you will never reconcile love and truth. When you release yourself from the grip of the mind, you clearly see love and truth are inexorably intertwined. Awareness just is. What just is, is the simple truth. A simple and profound truth. The truth behind the veil is the one begets the many and thus the question of love and forgiveness of self. Do you love you? This is all me.

I can see another crossroads coming up in the distance. The game is unravelling before my eyes. I have figured out the cosmic joke and can now laugh about it. I'm in hell and I'm a co-creator and co-conspirator of the cosmic game board which when I rolled snake eyes, I found myself in the lower regions. I've racked my brain trying to figure out why I'm here. What did I do to get myself sent to hell? For sure, I'm not like the others. I've always felt an outsider while wondering how people fit in so easily to culture. I've always wanted to be left alone and create my own bubble. The situation does not add up. I’m different. This must be a mistake.

Yeah, I know, it's not a mistake. My attachment to desire and the requisite suffering is clear. Sure, I've polished my gemstones and am nearing the end of the curriculum of incarnations, but the glass isn't pure as of yet. Desire has waned and my life has taught me the consequences of my actions and the suffering I perpetuate upon not only myself but the world. I know I won't change the world overnight but I know I can work on myself and polish up that old chestnut so it shines and go from there.

This world is meant to cause suffering as the result of our choices and actions. Or the opposite. The cycle is on repeat, and the heavy hammer of suffering keeps banging us over the head to no avail. Eventually, some will wake up. It's a given. You do what you can to relieve suffering while knowing it must be this way. As Ram Dass would explain, "All suffering is grace" and he would qualify the statement by saying it sure is a stinker and tough to swallow.

The path of the heart is the toughest course of them all. The intense fear of the spiritual novice is no longer present, and I can't lose myself in extricating myself of that challenge. The quest for knowledge with its frustrations and unbelievable exhilaration has been quenched. The reconciliation with my brother, the other, the prince of darkness, has happened and I accepted who I am and what I can do. I hold the power in my hands and can manifest whatever it is I desire. I knew enough to let it be, both subconsciously and by my own blundering self. I sat at the feet of the maestro warning me of power and how we all seek it out. I learned his lesson plan and though tempted by power and control, it's not what I wanted. I knew my path was the path of the heart. Ever since I found her in Egypt, I knew I would walk home to my mother. It is the reason I have done this trip.

So, I see it approaching in the distance. I can let go of the attachments. I know they weigh me down and keep me here on earth. I keep tempting myself with more and more fulfillment of various desires, yet the path of the heart is now lit up; so, even if I veer off it, I can easily re-find it. I've boiled it down to making choices; choices that I make with free will in which I know of the consequences of the actions I take. My choices are tilted towards the heart, and I see the weights that are keeping me here are being lifted. As they fall away, I see the beauty and the ugliness of the present. I'm aghast at the insanity and suffering found here on earth and I can't shake this feeling anymore that I've done most of the work and I'm getting ready to leave. Giving the heart wings to love all unconditionally without attachment shows you the way out. I know now death is the doorway.

I see the exit. The choice is to leave or take the bodhisattva vow and become of service to help others find the way out.

I shed the attachments that imprison me and will open myself to all. I am to become of service; however, not become attached to the other or the outcome.

The world is a carnival of delights with the madhouse inviting you in for a ride. I'm weary and wary of the roller coaster and I'm not keen on the prospect of ever returning. Yet, I see what is needed more than ever are beings of service who can teach awakening and point the way towards the truth and the heart. I don't have to wait until the next incarnation. I'm at the point where I can do this now.