exit stage left

What happens when we die? This is a question we all ponder at some point and the unknown leads towards an understandable fear of death. Realizing I'll never 100% know what happens until my time comes, I've constructed the following scenario:

When I die, I will be immediately be tossed into the throes of uncontrollable laughter due to the realization of the great cosmic joke. The joke is I was in hell, didn't know it, and I didn't want to leave. I was content with my imprisonment. As the laughter fades, I will be struck with a deep compassion in my heart for all my sisters and brothers who are still in hell. I will see their suffering and want to do what I can to alleviate it. The ancestral spirits will come to me and tell me to let it be. The suffering is designed to lead us to our heart and the heart is the ticket out of hell. Later, I will be invited to a great celebration and the guest of honour will be me. Not only did I go to hell, wallow in misery, and suffer, I also transformed my being into my destiny of an eternal being of love and light. I went to hell to enact the transformation I was seeking. In the direst of circumstances, I learned to love and follow my heart.

I think my predicament is not exactly the same as yours. What I have learned over my 50+ years wandering the earth is that we have a reason we came here to the earth carnival. I intuit for some it is to fulfill desires of power and greed, some to satiate lusts, and so on. I sense I subconsciously knew when I was much younger, in my teens, why I was here. I wanted to figure out the riddle of existence. I was enthralled by the questions pertaining to why this all exists. I found apocalyptic literature very interesting. I was exposed to ancient Egypt in an enrichment class at school. I saw the treasures of Tutankhamun at the Art Gallery. I also recall being intrigued by tobacco, though I dared not try a cigarette due to my parents' influence. They also steered me away from any kind of drugs, telling me I would go crazy if I used them. For that guidance, I give them much thanks. Finally trying psychedelics drugs in my 40's, allowed me to properly integrate the experience. Taking these substances in my youth would not have turned out well.

So, I can look back upon my life and see the clues to my path, though I didn't know it at the time. At middle age, I was finally ready to explore the reason I was here. This is quite recent and so when I look back at the events that have unfolded, I have realized that as soon as I picked up my sword and started following the trail, the doors would open. The coincidences and synchronicities were astounding. At the time I didn't know I was the magician performing these acts; instead, I just marvelled at what was happening.

I started studying ancient Egypt. I was gifted a trip to Egypt.

I went in depth on a search for the Great Goddess. I took a course on her at university.

I learned the ways to contact her. Percussion, ecstatic dance, intoxication, and shamanism. This led me to Ayahuasca.

I found her and plunged headfirst into the occult world of spirit.

I found a maestro and my tribe.

I respected the path and found the path of the heart.

I led with my heart, let go of the judging mind, and saw with clarity the beauty of the world and the horrible suffering.

It's my karma, my path, what's yours?

Psychedelics such as Ayahuasca will make you a "man of knowledge" as Carlos Castañeda would say. It is important you understand what is meant by knowledge. Knowledge is observing through the senses what is, and psychedelics unlock an occult sense. You are witness to a strange inner world. You now know about this realm. Going by personal experience, you don't understand it. That comes with time and in my case from shedding layers of preconceptions that were inculcated by culture and a refusal to accept who I am. Once I dropped the spin, I understood.

Psychedelics will cause a lot of casualties if released upon the general population. Our educational system breeds obedience and the mind of the follower is weak. When one is given knowledge and an opportunity to throw off your chains, you'll want to retreat to the safety of your overlords. I know this is the case because it is what I experienced. Psychedelics scared me at first because I saw into a strange world I didn't understand, and then I was shown I'm in prison. I spun the information around thinking psychedelics were going to imprison my mind. Turns out they were freeing my mind and my ego's instinct was to turn me against the agent of consciousness that would free me. Ego was attached to culture and culture is the puppeteer. The master said psychedelics are bad. Of course they are because they will turn you against him.

The mind's inclination is to fear the unknown. Psychedelics show you the unknown and thus the trepidation. I also feel a twinge of unease before each trip. A bad trip early in the game will chase you away. I needed a long time to recover from such an experience. The pursuit of knowledge led me back and I conquered the fear. I'm not scared anymore and once I transformed into a warrior the game changed. I see into the mystery, and I see who I am. I saw the great game and I know why we aren't supposed to know until we are ready. Once ready, you see the path back home.

I don't have anything pressing left in this incarnation to discover. There's always more, but I intuit what I came here to do, I've done. I will live out my remaining years with the knowledge of having discovered my path and walking it to the end. My heart is open and as long as I'm alive I will continue to cultivate Her and allow the flower to bloom in a glorious coming forth.

When the Great Goddess first told me to come away with her, I told her no. I still had attachments and knowledge to seek out. The knowledge part is complete. I still have the attachments; however, I see the purpose set out before me. As long as I choose to remain in this world, I will honour my commitments and intentions to provide for my attachments. I will be the node in the flow who is the dependable rock which allows for a safety net. I will be the rock for those who I am directly attached to as they find their way in the world. I don't need the riches; I live a simple life. My gift is to provide. I sense that instead of fighting a continual battle with money, I should just let it go. It took me a while to figure out this puzzle because culture instills in you a need to accumulate and prepare for an unknown future. Then you spin on the hamster wheel trying to get ahead, and situations are thrown your way which prevent you from ever getting too far ahead of the game. So, you move your legs faster, trying to get there, but you never know where there is.

The goalposts always get moved and there is always another mountain to climb. It never ends, whether material or spiritual. I finally have the wisdom to say that's enough. I know I have all the spiritual knowledge I need, and I've walked the path back home. Materially, I have more than I need and can use the bounty to help others find their light on the path they are uniquely walking. To free yourself from an artificial necessity to accumulate is the way. I'm ready to leave, but I will honour my incarnation. Honouring my life means helping others and being of service. I can let go gradually of my attachments and in the process be of service.