pearl

The path of the heart is one of those challenging courses requiring effort to pass. I remember skating through most of my education as a youth and only being challenged by higher math courses. I put no effort into them and didn't do well. In post-secondary studies, I saw others drop courses or switch majors when things got too hard. My current predicament is along those lines where I must put forth a solid effort, or continual failure is the result. I failed the first part of the course. It would have been easy to say this is too difficult and leave this institution. It would have given me temporary relief with the effect of leaving my life more than a mess than it already is.

I think I have come across that predicament more than once during my incessant search for the meaning of life. The old saying about enlightenment goes along the lines of if you are thinking about becoming enlightened, don't do it. If you have already started, you should go all the way. In other words, don't half-ass it and don't give up if you made the unwise decision to attempt it. Similar is said about being red-pilled where it is for the best you remain ignorant of your situation here on earth. It will be more enjoyable a ride if you remain ignorant. If you take the red pill, swallow it whole. If it gets caught in your throat, it will just turn you into an angry and unpleasant malcontent who holds others in contempt. You will see how the world works but not understand why.

My journey is inexorably tied to psychoactive plant medicine. The beginning phase of my awakening was clueless about substances which change consciousness. As my studies progressed, I was shown different modalities of altering your vibration to move into obfuscated realms which throughout history have been branded as the occult. The study of alchemy is such a discipline which tries to reconcile who we are now with our destiny. Alchemical gold is concealed from the greedy pretenders who think it is a way to materially turn lead into gold. When truths are revealed to the human masses, it must contain a layer of misdirection to weed out the unworthy. The sincere aspirant will see through the facade. The Bible contains these layers as well. Humans want a reward and are frighteningly stupid at times. As a species we are easily led. We don't question things. We blindly follow authority. We conform to the wishes of a society set up to use us. We forfeit our mental capacities in times of crises and engage herd mentality. We are lied to and propagandized, and we accept it. Because of this, the truth of who you are must be kept secret. It is not for the unwashed sheep. Our human nature will rend it into a useless junk heap. Jesus Christ understood this well. In his Sermon on the Mount, he proclaimed the following in Matthew chapter 7 (New International Version):

6 Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

Even finding a path such as plant medicines will not automatically get you what you seek. When I found them and did my first ceremony, I was astonished. Wow! My second and third ceremonies were the opposite. They pushed me away. This seeker isn't getting in. I was given a huge dose of fear, I became afraid, and was told to leave and never return upon penalty of death. When I summoned the courage to return, I was offered power over everything. I declined. In retrospect I see it. Many can stumble upon this path, so that layer of testing you to discover your intentions must be present to keep the greedy away from the pearl. A lot of us have good intentions when encountering the promise of plant medicines but then can't help ourselves. The light goes on in our head and soon we are taking advantage of the knowledge and using it to gain monetarily or increase our power and prestige because of it. It's a process that will ensnare most of us. If you sidestep these pitfalls, imagine then having to deal with the human emotion of envy? I've seen everything these prominent spiritual people have seen but I walk a lonely road with little recognition. All I get is I'm weird and crazy. Others get prestige and gravitas. Keep going. Chop wood and carry water.

The spiritual journey is punctuated by failure. That's a hard one to accept if you are building a brand. The spiritual enterprise known as Deepak Chopra can't experience falling down and failure. Who'd buy incense from that guy? In my previous recent blog posts, I've revealed what a failure I am in this path of the heart course. I was taught an important lesson through abject failure to adhere to previous lessons. I had to be shown what I would do once again in real time in order to realize the proper way to love. This is the introduction to the course. Here's a punch to the gut, a kick to the curb, and now think about it. It's not particularly hard to see what happened. You'll get it soon enough with a little effort. I progressed through this phase and was given a good dose of suffering. I don't wish that upon anyone, and I sense its potential to shatter your world. The course is relentless and soon enough the next lecture was scheduled.

Possessive love is not true love and thus subject to qualifiers. If you want to get over someone who caused you pain you can turn your emotions into anger and hate. Add a few drops of that elixir to the situation and see what happens. Don't add too much or you'll regret it. I can see why the world is full of negative emotions as it dulls the pain of suffering.

The path of the heart is to lead to loving all with no exceptions. Recent events have revealed I don't love all. Petty interactions with miserable people have led towards despising my neighbours. I have trouble loving someone I despise. Examining my predicament, I see the allure of becoming a hermit. I can love everyone if I don't have to deal with them.

The overall spiritual journey at first leads you to an external search for answers. It's a fun and exhausting trip towards what is calling out to you. I read a lot of books, I search the internet, I took courses at the local University, I travelled to Egypt, and I headed into the Amazon jungle. There's something hackneyed about the whole I searched everywhere for something that was always within. It's true, what you seek you will find within. The journey doesn't have to stop there though because in my experience it's cyclical. Once you discover it within, if you keep going you will find it externally. You must or couldn't love all.

Huachuma was the perfect catalyst for this part of the course. The strength of the intoxication altered my vibration to the point where I saw myself present in others. What made me who I am was present in the group of twelve other people I was with. It's an interesting symbolism, right? I don't want to compare myself to Jesus but what the hell, I will! Jesus' 12 disciples were aspects of him, even the ones that betrayed him - I'm looking at you Judas and Peter. Anyway, I was witness to self externally in others. Projecting this out throughout all of humanity allows you to see yourself in everyone. I readily accepted this and knew it was the answer to the question of how to love all.

In addition, it allows easy understanding of a concept that is troubling. As I have progressed upon this path, part of my awakening has involved realizing I'm God. Because of cultural bias and misunderstanding, this pisses a lot of people off. It's either dismissed, ridiculed, or I'm thought of as nuts. So, if you can see yourself in everyone else, what does that mean? We are all divine. Goddess and God. I'm not exclusionary with a monotheistic bent. God and Goddess are everything and everyone. It's just that no one sees this, so they react to my assertions in a negative way. Those that do discover this tend to aggrandize self and get locked away in a psychiatric institute. Then there's me.

You know what's cool about all of this? The whole Goddess and God drama plays out within all the different consciousness planes. You know this spiritual drivel flows through me like diarrhea. I keep writing and on it goes. At the plane of faster vibration all become one and there is no differentiation. Goddess and God are one. The oneness flows outwards into creation much like the sexual act in our dimension. Our world mirrors what happens in the higher planes of consciousness. The resultant child of the union creates a universe. Each iteration of Goddess and God contains within the all. This energetic happening comes forth in our consciousness plane as the sexual union of woman and man. It's the same energy doing the dance of creation. It's a gift on the spiritual path to see this and propels you further so you don't get stuck.

This path is what I wanted. I've tried to sabotage it and find a way to get off. I've cried at night to let me be so I could fulfill some other desire. I made a pact with self when I came here which involves keeping me going in the direction of the path of the heart. It's why I'm here and acceptance goes a long way towards understanding why things have worked out for me in the way they have.

I took the first step towards awakening at middle age. It wasn't solely spiritual but more of a Matrix like red pill which opened my eyes to a world which wasn't what it pretended to be. I've gotten this far, and it animates my life. I'll keep going as far as I can.